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the eerie atmosphere in this is so good! I really love the exposition into the world/setting that is happening here; I think you’ve given us just the right amount of information to shed some more light on what’s going on, but still so little in the grand scale of things that we’re still hungry to find out more, if that makes sense!
I’m particularly intrigued by the religious aspect of this war and society – the fact that their church used to be a theatre is super fascinating because it’s so contrary to my real-world experience; I know a lot of places (theatres, skate parks, galleries, etc.) that used to be churches, but of no churches that used to be anything else, so I’m really keen to find out what made people turn to religion – especially if the increased religiosity is genuine, so to speak, or if it was only ever promoted by the leaders to justify the war. I have so many questions, just from that one little detail! brilliantly done!
I also really love the phrase ‘crumbling concrete walls’ (you can almost hear the crumbling as it’s happening!) and ‘syrupy poison through the veins of the faithful’, you can really picture arteries clogging up with the propaganda and incitement of violence, and I think it fits in super well with the rest of the physical descriptions! a lot of them have been descriptions of what we can see of the body (hands, lips, hair, etc.), but here you show that it’s more than skin-deep!
this was stunning, good luck with the inkys!
oh, wow, this is gorgeous! it’s so evocative, the imagery is super captivating!
I love the contrast of the distance of the long-forgotten war and the immediacy of the just-committed murder, and how they’re both connected through the violence involved in both. how in one paragraph, you describe the blood and gore as draining away, yet it still all feels super immediate and relevant, and how that is then immediately picked up by the blood-as-warpaint in the present, the contrast between the ‘marking’ with blood as either being tainted or as an act of revolution.
I’m also super intrigued already about all of the characters – who is shiv, the victim, the murderer? And I’m not sure if the lips and teeth as murder weapons are metaphors, or meant literally, but I think that’s a brilliant choice, and adds to the mystery!
can’t wait to find out what happens next!
I gathered from the last chapter that water is precious, and so this all makes sense to me. The world was, in fact, bent on self-destruction already, so this seemed like next steps in a hopeless situation. I can feel the metamorphosis of this character, the way that a cause has been presented, and there is either the choice to do this, or do nothing. “I pray for revenge, and my god is a vengeful god.” This is definitely a powerful way to make a statement at the end of this chapter. As always, your descriptions are fantastic and continue to paint the picture of this war-torn world. As you probably gathered, I read these out of order, so my other reviews will be from a perspective of ignorance, haha!
Pix
Okay, here we go. Here’s the part where sides are taken and lines are drawn and we get to see what kind of stakes are claimed. Someone in a hopeless, helpless situation is ripe for a revolution, when it doesn’t seem that salvation is going to come from anywhere else. I can see the echoes of revenge from the other chapters coalescing here, the way that her sister is her origin story, how maybe if there wasn’t someone else to care about, how she might not have had the resolve to take her stand. This was a great reflection that added so much in so few words.
Pix
This jackal stands for death and destruction, and I can only imagine what this world used to be to these people, that they would bring so much destruction to it in the name of someone who wants so much blood. They’ve literally hardened their hearts to the suffering, and they have given up what little good there is in the world for this. “Poisoned radiation” stands out to me. Perhaps this world was already marching towards its own destructions before this war began? Whatever it was, it was messed up enough for a jackal to rise. These followers are not here to right a wrong. They are here to destroy whatever remains.
Pix
Oh gosh, this story is going to be a rollercoaster of death and mayhem, isn’t it! This character, whoever they are, is in it to win the revolution, almost like they’re the one starting it with this first murder, and they have an accomplice who is also all the way in. You’re painting a gruesome picture at the start, which makes me wary of just how much more horrible things are going to get from here on. (bites nails) I can actually SEE this scene so clearly, and it disturbs me, as it should. Where gods are involved, things can escalate really fast.
Pix
This. This is super creepy. The jackal needs to burn. Now. He is harsh and manipulative, and it’s so hard to sit back and watch his whispers affect this character so. Their “feral, hand-grenade heart” definitely speaks of someone broken, and the “love” that the jackal is bestowing on them is just… like they’re so desperate for someone’s love that they’ll take this, and think that it’s okay. That it’s somehow GOOD and I hate it and love how you make me hate it. Description, as always, is on point.
Pix
Ah, I really feel the zeal dripping off this character who thinks that they are righteously committing atrocities for the sake of righteousness. I wonder what made this character want to devote themselves to a god so malevolent - if this character is damaged in some way that the viciousness speaks to them. The images are so raw and so horrific, and it makes me feel even more sympathetic towards the other side in this gruesome war. They are so full of themselves, reveling in the death and blood and thinking they are right in their actions. I am so angry! Good job bringing out my ire!
Pix
This paints a great picture of the character’s motivations, the way she declares her intentions and how the laughter haunts her like the ghost of the one she’s just lost. I love the phrase “jackal’s army of orphans”, because the war has created them that way, they will be forever changed by his actions, they are no longer children, but reduced to almost an animalistic thing that only wants to survive. She’s bent on keeping them alive through these atrocities, and ready to help them take up arms against the enemy that robbed them of their childhood. And I only got this from a few words. Masterful writing here!
Pix
I love how unforgiving the main character is. They are ruthless in their search for vengeance, willing to do whatever it takes, and will not feel a shred of guilt or shame after it's been done. We don't often follow characters so bold in their feelings of all being fair in love and war, and it's really interesting to be doing so here. And it's not just them, either, it's others following the Jackal as well - "WE do not seek absolution for our sins". It still has that feeling of a cult, to be honest, but mixed with the righteous reasons of a revolution, and it's so unique. The cult thing may not be there at all in reality, but because of the bareness of each chapter and the way the leader is referred to as the Jackal, it just gives the story the undertone, and I really like it. You really dived into the darkness with this story head on, and embraced it whole-heartedly, and it makes for such compelling reading.
It's so cool how we're getting just small pieces at a time of who your main character is and thier role in what's happening. It makes reading this so fun and intruiging. In this chapter, for example, we see a peak at the past and what may have caused the state of the world around them. You give us just enough each chapter to learn something important but still crave more. This line about Amina's tears has my mind working: "one last sacrifice of water in a world that had none." I mean, there's a real plot point on a platter, and written in beautifully! In just one little sentence, you've opened up so much of this world for us readers. The last sentence also leaves me with a lot of thoughts, as it seems like the main character is holding a really important position in the Jackal's war, which is interesting, as with most dystopian novels I've read, the person we follow tends to start out as just one of the many and later becomes important, but it seems like this character is already important and has already solidified their importance to the leader. Really great stuff.
I love the way you've created such a world here. It's clear that you know the circumstances your characters are going through, even if us readers don't quite yet, and it makes it so intruiging to read, because so many questions form reading this! Again, I have to comment on your descriptions, which are just so impactful and wonderfully detailed and specific. This chapter almost makes it feel like the Jackal is some sort of cult leader and the main character is a follower, but I have no idea if that's accurate or not yet. Ususally a cult is an extremely negative thing, with manipulative leaders who trick you for their own gain and brainwash their followers, which could be going on here, OR - because this was earlier described as a revolution - it could be that the Jackal is just an incredibly strong and bold leader, leading the charge against a world or government or society that has treated him and his followers horribly and they have every understandable right to this type of brutal revenge. It's interesting that both possibilities can still exist! The bareness of each chapter lends itself to options and makes it unpredictable and exciting. Great job!!
Hello there! Wow! It's no wonder this was nominated! Your writing is so intense and gripping! I don't really understand what's going on, as it's so bare of a chapter, but I feel so curious to know more! Your descriptions are just gorgeous and raw and gory but with touches of pretty, like the way the moon gets described at the end of a sentence about blood and wicked smiles. It's such a cool juxtaposition. I also love the way the chapter ends, that line that tells you so much more is to come from this moment - that even though we don't really understand this moment fully, it is carrying literally enough weight to start an actual revolution. So cool. What a great start!
kris! *throws snowball*
your writing is always so beautiful and powerful, and this piece is no exception. you draw me in immediately with the first line and keep my attention hooked - the way you weave words and images to gether is truly some kind of magic. i know i tell you this all the time, but please know i mean it every time i say it because you absolutely blow me away
and the power in that last sentence? it gives me chills. and the contrast of red and blood, and white and innocence -- at least, that's what i think you're going with it -- is incredible. and the fact that this is less than 200 words really shows the command you have of this craft
excellent work with this, friend<3 <3
doing another one because theyr'e so short ha!
oooh i love the twists and turns we're taking here. a god that does not want to them to seek absolution for their sins is such an intresting concept. and it adds so much deminsion to these people who seek not a merciful god or even a loving god, but a vengeful god.
and despite the coldness of the narrator, i can't help but feel a certain sympathy of her. it almost feels like she's suffered through a terrible pain and the idea of revenge is the one thing holding her together.
it's like this very sad way of dealing with whatever's happened to them but also, in some ways, very realistic and - dare I say - human?
Love, Quilly.
Hi Kris! Here for our swap <3
I feel like we got a tiny little glimpse of who our narrator was before this. There's this clear sense that they weren't always broken but now considered themselves to be broken past repair. I also thought it was intersting that the narrator doesn't view their side as the "good" side. We're hit with words like "rage" and "revenge" as oppose to "justice." There seems to be an understanding that anger is fueling their cause and that jackal's sermon contains "syrupy poision" but all the same the narrator is eager to follow this ruthless leader.
again, your imagery is bar none. the windstorm rages outside the crumbling concrete walls of what once used to be a film theatre. now, a church. the way that you were to develop that vivid of an image in such few a words is just amazing to me.
another excellent addition.
Love, Quilly.
ohhmmmygawd, Kris. This is amazing.
I don't know what I was expecting when I fist started reading this but I'm seriously blown away.
The imagery is just *chefskiss* I know I should be used to that, from you. But you seriously blow me away each time. I loved the contrast of the red (blood) and white (snow) and also the cathedral of darkness and the purple neon moon.
The mood is very dark and a bit animalistic? The teeth in the heart, the jackal making making promises... It's just very intense and effective.
I can't imagine a more intriguing beginning than this. I already want to know everything about this story, these characters, like what drove them here? Who are the traitors? Why are they traitors?
Also, I lovelovelove how you end the first sentence and the last sentece with the word 'murder.' You're so good at creating rhythm throughout your pieces.
Love, Quilly
(also nanotag!)
hi,
here for the murder mystery event :)
you've achieved so much in so few words which is amazing. i think you've chosen them so carefully. it feels so rich and vivid. it is so so dark in imagery. religion is such a layered concept but i think you've captured some really interesting ideas within that. the ideas of 'not needing absolution' is a twist on some religious thoughts. i think the description here is also so striking 'crackling like thunder' for example is so stunning and gives this piece just something extra. i feel like a lot of your writing is just a step forward on anyone's else. i would like to know about your music tastes because you seem to take a lot of inspiration for your writing in that.
abbi xx
crawling out of my grave to read your new thing and it's just *chefs kiss* stunning. the description and imagery and meaning and weight are all perfect, you don't miss a beat <3
hey kris,
back for more FFT event reviews!
I love this first line -- it makes me think that the narrator was going along, living life. and then looked out on the world and had a sudden, colorful realization. and life changed. i just love that simplicity
maybe it's amina and the thought of a future for that child that changes they're mind. i wonder why they've been chosen, why the narrator was chosen to be dug out of the rubble by the jackal. who is the jackal? and what's happened?
maybe they're regretful of all they've done under the pressure of the jackal. maybe they'll try to fix it, or something, for amina and for themselves.
I also love the title, it makes me feel like the narrator is torn and broken -- but at least they know what they're facing, now.
ahhhhh
thanks again,
Cat
kris,
Here for murder mystery event :)
I love how this was mini origin story of our narrator. I think having the narrator go from being a sister and a protector role to being alone explains that bleakness they feel and how they came to be in new role in society after all the bloodshed. I thought the imagery in this chapter was particularly powerful having seen the events through a child's eyes. The repeating of the red description is really effective, all the blood. You come up with some great one-liners which are just so thought provoking and 'wow' how did kris come up with something so amazing sounding. I'm in awe ngl.
Abbi xx
Hi Kris,
back with another event review!
this sets a different tone than the first drabble, for sure. I feel like our narrator is feeling more anger than the hollowness from the first chapter. but the "who i used to be" theme is still there -- they're not the same anymore. and ten, with the jackal, it's clear that the "faithful" are dedicated...but to what...and why? i feel such a sense of ritual and animalistic rage -- the hunger, thirst, seduction.
i'm also curious about the revenge -- is it single-minded? is it a group revenge? and who is the antagonist, here, because our protagonist doesn't necessarily seem on the same side as a the jackal, even though they're all in tandem.
then there's that -- the beat of hearts to the sermon that he preaches, and the burn of the knife. it doesn't seem like pain, but sacrifice. Where's shiv? what does she play in this, and who is the first murder? is it them, our narrator? i just love the way you fit so much here.
thanks again,
Cat
krissssss dropping by for the up the mountain event :)
ahhhh okay so i was so excited to see a new collection from you and omg this is so so good (like everything you write, but it's worth repeating) <3
i lovelovelove how mysterious this is. even with all the drama - the blood smeared like war paint, the teeth in the victim's heart, the mentions of war and the jackal - it's still super mysterious: like, who was the victim - was he important or not? what is the revolution about or for? who is the jackal? who's shiv - what does she mean to the narrator? like, i just have so many questions about this all but it's not too many - it's not offputting, it's such a perfect balance as an intro. i really just wanna read more and more and find the answers to all of these things - and find out what happens next :eyes:
your writing is always beautifully, wonderfully evocative and ahhhhh i love it so much. you always use red and white and black as colours in your work and i kinda wonder if at some point you'll run out of metaphors and similes and things to reference or if they'll start to seem familiar and boring, but they just don't. it's always new and fresh and exciting. i lovelovelove as well the description of the "banner of a purple neon moon" it's so cool and so different and the purple colour stands out so much from the rest of the colours in the piece.
this is so so exciting, i will definitely be back!!
laura xx
Hi kris,
Here for murder mystery reviewing event :)
Wow! So deliciously dark! I wasn't sure how you would develop this story going forward if we would get more information about what came before the first chapter or how it came about. It's cool that this chapter offers a little more glimpses about how the world evolved like this. It explains some of the narrator's feelings and how they're looking at things. It sounds very much like a cult situation. As always, the beautiful imagery is just amazing, this wonderful savage landscape that you've created is so dark and addictive. I'm definitely wondering how you're going to develop this further as the mental state of the narrator develops. So interesting!
Abbi xx
Hi Kris,
Here for the FFT review event!
I can see our main character walking through these haunted halls, something bitter in the air. The way you emphasize "real god" makes me feel a sense of anger and a tone of sarcasm, but not really funny sarcasm, more just angry. And then "a life gone" makes me think that they feel wasted, that nothing matters and nothing they've ever done matters. ugghhh
ooh shiv. she doesn't seem wasted away, she's confident, "shining under the banner." whatever they've done together, shiv is clearly on board. i love this alluded revolution. it feels like POV character and shiv have the same goal, but just aren't exactly on the same page. and i kind of am in love with them!! you know i like a little darkness.
I need to know more about these two and this revolution and the murder! and whose heart was his? who is the jackal? what is life??? I can't wait to dig in more to this set of drabbles, it feels really slippery and dark, just what i'm looking for
thank you, Kris
Cat :)
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