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hello eva, my dear! i'm here for the fairyland review event & finally getting a chance to check out this delightful story of yours ♥
your writing continues to impress me. i loved the opening scene of this, and how convinced clemintine is that she's a witch. it really is something that kids believe, and i loved her list of steps in the very beginning for how she was going to find some innocent person and turn them into a fish. such an innocent little thing, but the rain and the water and everything at the end -- did she someone manage to turn herself into a fish? i gotta know, eva!
i loved all of the mentions of food in this. your descriptions are so wonderful, i could very easily see clementine in her kitchen, preparing the food for her mother on her birthday, and i love the care and the detail you took. almost like clementine and how she was careful with all of her ingredients. and i especailly loved her relationship with her mother throughout; it's obvious they're very close, and the deal that her mother strikes with her is very clever! to get her to eat all of her food on her plate and then somehow she likes it :P
and ugh, clementine being attached to the black hat. honestly, i just love everything about witch!clementine and i think you did such an incredible job with showing how she grows up here in this first chapter. but she's still close with her mom and loves to cook and, as it turns out, has gotten quite good at it. i honestly got hungry just reading some of your descriptions of the tomato soup
ALTHOUGH. THERE IS SOMETHING SIGNIFICANT ABOUT THE RAIN AND THEN THE WATER AND WHY SHE CAN'T STOP DRINKING IT AND I FEEL LIKE IT'S GOTTA DO WITH THE FISH, BUT, I DON'T KNOW. EVA. WHAT.
an excellent start to this, my dear! i'm very curious to see where you take it ♥
Hey Eva! I'm here for our Puff review swap! And I'm SO excited that there's a chapter of this wonderful story waiting for me <3
I'm already in love with just the opening lines. Adopting a small puddle for the evening? Too cute! But then in the same breath it turns a bit sinister, talking about the icicles as weapons. It's beautiful written and quite eerie.
Ah, poor Clementine being stuck at home with a body that hurts. But I absolutely admire her strength and tenacity throughout those days, where she just would not allow herself to wither away and wanted to keep her mind strong. I love that so much! She's such a firecracker of a character.
The dolls sound absolutely beautiful <3 and even the little mention of the 'pet IV' just makes everything in this story sound so alive. That even surrounded by inaminate objects, Clementine is in an active, living world and it just adds to the magic of the story, I love it.
Ahh! The articles! Poor Hilde, of course she must be so worried. I can't wait to find out what happens next, and what Clementine plans to do! I sense a break out! I really enjoyed this chapter, Eva! I think it might be my favourite so far!
Hello, hello!
I am here to review chapter two! I don't know why, but this chapter has a really strong Kiki's Delivery Service vibe for me, especially that dream sequence right at the beginning. I know that makes no sense, but I basically saw this chapter in colours that were both bright a soft like a Miyazaki film. (Maybe it's because Kiki is a witch? Idk.)
The rest of this chapter, with the strange cottage with its slightly abandoned feel, the random pond in the middle of it, and the implicit promise of friendly mice brought to mind this very strong fairytale atmosphere. Everything was beautiful and golden, but there was also this undercurrent of unease, because Clementine was basically like "where the heck am I? Why do I have golden stuff running into my veins? Why is there a pond here?" Very Brothers Grimm.
I really enjoyed that this chapter built the world around Clementine, making me want to know more. I would've liked to learn a little bit more about Clementine herself, too, but it was nice to go on this adventure of discovery and wonder with her.
An excellent installment, as expected!
xx 800
Something I completely forgot to mention in my last review: What is the 'go to war' speech Clementine gives to her vegetables?? I need to know! That is such a sweet perfect thing to do :D Now onto this second chapter, it was amazing. You completely got me pulled in. What is happening? There is so much mystery and it is so sweet and alluring. Again, your first section with the witch just took my breath away, all of the images you've conjured, of the water rising, with the animals and the earth, the swamp coming alive and then dying, a mixture of regret and satisfaction the witch is feeling. Who is she? She is fascinating. She's full of contrasts, sounds both young and old, kind and cruel.
Everything to do with water, she wanted. Ugh, I love this line so much. It makes me imagine so many things.
Clemetnine waking up and feeling so so parched was described to the point of perfection. You've done a great job, it was an amazing even if painful contrast to the airy sweetness that your description invokes throughout the rest of the story. The graphic mentions of the corners of the mouth all dry, lips parched, scratchy throat, all of it, very well done, it really makes the reader feel the same and strengthens the connection we already have with Clementine.
I absolutely love this cottage and the garden. I can understand why Clementine is freaked out, but I still totally love it so very much and I want to go there, okay??
regretful that she could not knight them with chopsticks as per usual - how is Clementine such a treasure? This is so pure, I love her.
Her mum seems to know an awful lot about what to do in a situation when your daughter begins to display fish-like qualities. I'm intrigued and suspicious. Is she the witch and the two stories take place across different times? That was my first thought. Or, if not THE witch, I bet she's some kind of witch or has some basic knowledge of witchy things. There are so many possibilities of where this story can go and I'm here for all of them. Will Clementine and her mother team up against the water-hungry witch? Is Clementine turning into a mermaid? Is the witch and Clementine's mother somehow connected? I the witch a part of Clementine??
Please please keep writing this, sweet Eva, because it's truly brilliant. However long you need! I can tell this means a lot to you and you're doing your best to make it as good as possible (and it's absolutely stunning, just so you know!), but I gotta tell you I honestly and genuinelly can't wait to read more. This is actually EXACTLY my type of fantasy genre to read. These little moments full of sunlight and mundane situations turning into magic, the whimsical mixed with the sinister, the little things added to the story, like cooking and the black magic hat and memories of it. I was honestly transported when I read this.
I loved it so, so much. Please continue.
Hi Eva, I saw somewhere on the forums that you'd wish for this story to be reviewed, and I clicked on it out of curiosity, and saw it was original fiction, and obviously I couldn't stop myself.
I'm not sure I'll be able to accurately express how wonderful this first chapter was. It's funny we talked so much on the forums about the Ghibli movies, because this absolutely had a similar feel. The way you described everything, and mostly the way you set the scene, made me feel exactly like in one of those regular-life moments full of flavor and color until something strange happens and they're not so regular anymore.
I adore the first section, of the little witch and her thought process, the list of things that would happen and needed to be done when this waterfall magic would be put in motion. I'm assuming this isn't Clementine but another character (she mentions her name is short and pretty while Clementine is a long and pretty name), and also it seems that Clementine is actually the victim of this curse that got out of hand.
The visual of the room being flooded, clothes floating around, and this person realizing magic got out of hand was gorgeous and very dream-like.
The rest of the chapter was one of the loveliest pieces of prose I've ever read. Clementine as a child was perfect, spot-on and just flawlessly written. Her thoughts an the way she perceives the world suggests she's young and dramatic and still takes some things and momentary feelings very seriously. It was delightful to be in her head and it reminded me of Anne of Green Gables a lot. Her mum was so sweet I just melted, the way she approached her later that night and figured out a way how to get the child eating but without force. It's very clever and kind, and it made me yearn for my own mum even though she wasn't this inventive when I used to be picky, lol.
Older Clementine is sweet and interesting, and again, the cooking and the way you described the process made my mouth water. I love some of the phrases here:
her smile somehow still radiant through her voice—if sunlight could be heard like that
she stirred the vegetables around for a moment to let the flavors mingle and socialize
And that entire imagery of the split rainstorm, and Clementine thinking she broke the universe - it is so intriguing and beautiful. Does she think she broke the universe because of that little wish from years ago when she wanted the rains to come and sweep her mother away?
When she stepped into the torrent of rain I think I actually let out an audible sound, both full of wonder and of shock, because I somehow knew this would cost her (which is really good work on your part, because it felt like you were building me up to be wary of this strange waterfall, but kind of want to jump in at the same time, just like Clementine).
And then the drinking and being thirsty and becoming a sort of fish out of water is very, very freaky and I hope Clementine can find a way how to solve this problem. I'm so excited to find out. This chapter is great, it has a mystery but is also whimsical in the best way and I loved your writing style all throughout the chapter. I want to know everything about this story now! Where is it headed? What are your plans for it? How did you come up with it? Everythiiiiing <3
Eli
Hello hello hello!! I am here for HC 2020 finale things!!!
Alright well what curse is that? SHE TURNED SOMEONE INTO A FISH??? AND IT’S PERMANENT??? Well that’s not very good, is it?
The description of her mother’s aura is amazing. Who doesn’t have a mother with that kind of aura, because you are missing out!
LOL the lesser evil is crying? I mean, same Clementine, I always hated eating brussel sprouts…
Okay, her mother is a 10/10 parent. What a great way to get your child to stop acting up in a way that isn’t necessarily punishment. I love it! AND it forces them to have quality mother-daughter time and I’m always here for that <3
I have never had egg-tomato soup before, but I’ve just found a recipe and have decided to make it, because it sounds heavenly. Also because I don’t want to meet the flat side of Clem’s soup pot face first… :P
I love this progression of how she wouldn’t eat, then her mother decided they would cook together, and now she’s cooking for the both of them. It’s a really simple show of character development in such a sweet way!
Oof, mothers do do that, don’t they? My mom does that ALL the time especially when I’m cooking something I’ve made dozens of times. “Are you sure you should be putting the toppings in the quiche tart now? Why don’t you add them to the mixture first?” *rolls eyes*
I will also die on that hill. Science may say one thing, but if it’s going in my mouth, I will go with the chef’s opinion all day long, and chefs don’t put tomato in a fruit salad.
What was the rain? I’m so confused! Is she a witch?
WHAT??? SO SHE IS TURNING INTO A FISH??? What is HAPPENING???
This was an amazing first chapter, your descriptions are to die for, I want to eat that soup so bad, and just everything was magnificent. Thank you so much for writing this story because it is an absolute gem to read!
Lo <3
EVA! <3 I had had had had had to come back to this story :P
I just wanna say first of all that the way you describe the witch needing the water was beautiful. Freaky and terrifying and that perfect dark feel from a YA-type fantasy - it was sinister in its own way, and even more so when Clementine woke up and sort of didn't remember initially exactly what had happened, but suffering from a similar need for water. The way you wrote it was so good and so beautifully descriptive with the images of her sucking water out of things and leaving animals and insects from the ground struggling and squirming on top of the dirt. There's a real sense of power in it - unintentional, cruel power and I love that.
Poor Clementine! The idea of waking up in a strange place - however familiar and welcoming and calming it somehow feels - is also kinda scary :/ It sounds such a beautiful, fantastical cottage though: with the walled in garden filled with water and waterlilies covering over stones to step on and walk through it. Ugh it's just such a gorgeous image you've painted in my mind and I lovelovelove it!
Also I am getting more and more curious about this curse and where you're going to go with this next: why does honey work? What's special about it? How does her mother know that honey would work? Why did her mother buy the house - is there some kind of connection - and is there any kind of significance to her mother having a house where the garden is entirely a pond? And how - when - will the witch come into it in full? I have so many questions!
This is such a good, addictive, perfect fantasy story and I love it. Moar? :P
Laura xx
Hello dear!
I am soooo late with this, but here is your review for our swa back in.... um.... April? I'm so sorry!
Anyways, I loved the first chapter of this story. To be honest, you gave yourself a lot to live up to. I can relate to that feeling, and it's not a fun way to write. (If you want a beta for this ever, I would be honored.) But I promise you: this is lovely.
The beginning of the chapter felt almost like a reprisal, which worked out great for me because it had been a long time since I read chapter 1. :P And at first I was really curious where this would go, and then Clementine woke up in the cottage, and it felt like we'd entered into another dimension, almost.
Have you seen the movie Big Fish? I really love that movie, and this sort of reminds me of that vibe. One moment everything seems completely normal and quoitidian, but then somehow, in the blink of any eye, there is whimsy and magic. *swoons*
I really loved the way her mother reacted to everything. Clearly she knows more about what's happening than I expected. Like, I didn't realize her mother really knew about magic , but now it seems like she does. And I am intrigued (• ) (• ) Also there is something really pleasant about the idea of honey water. I have no idea if that's scientifically sound (like literally zero idea) but I buy it!
You're writing is so beautiful. I especially love the way you include light in your descriptions. I'm a suck for that. I could really picture the pond in my mind because of how you described the light bouncing off the surface.
I am curious if every chapter of this will include a new food, and if Clementine will ever find a way to clench her thirst, and what powers she might have.
I adore this story and its pure Eva-ness *hugs*
Very well done writing a second chapter! I hope you keep it up!
xoxo Renee
Hey, Eva, my love!
I'm here checking out Chalices' noms, and because I was too curious to read more about this beautiful story! <3 (I'm probably going to be quick with this review because I have a lot of stories to check and I don't have much time, but I wanted at least to let you know that I stopped by and how much I enjoyed this second chapter! <3)
I still have so many questions? What's this place Clementine's mum brought her to? What exactly happened to her? Who is the mysterious water witch from the beginning sections and does she have anything to do with Clementine's state?
Clementine's mum is so sweet in the way she's taking care of her! And those steamed buns sound delicious! I love the fairytalesque feeling of the cottage, and how Clementine actually compares herself to the protagonists of many fairytales, from Cinderella to Rapunzel... it's cute! :) Your descriptions of the cottage and the garden where so beautiful as well, and I love that feeling of the place itself being sort of alive... this story is so mysterious and intriguing and I love it!
I'm so so curious to learn more! When's the next update? :P
Sorry again for the very quick review...
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Hey Eva!
Gosh, your writing is as gorgeous as ever in this chapter. The descriptions feel so rich and unique and they stay with me long after reading. There's a particular kind of magic at work that I'm loving the feel of, even though it remains such a mystery for now. I can't wait to read more!
Hey Eva!
I'm here for our review swap! I'm so excited to see that you've posted more of Soup Dumplings. You know how much I adore this story.
Last we left off, Clementine had an unexplained unquenchable thirst for water and initially it seems that not much has changed. The image of her fighting with her mother to keep her face under the water source is kind of terrifying. I can't imagine what is making her so desperate to keep drinking it. I'm almost worried that she's transforming into a fish or a frog due to some curse. Is that a weird theory to have?
The home that Clementine wakes up in is also very curious. Her initial descriptions feel very ominous, almost threatening even. I could imagine her being very disoriented after whacking her head so hard and waking to find that she's been moved to a completely different place.
Her mom's behavior is also very strange to me. If her mom is medically trained, I'd find it odd that she'd just hook her up to an IV of honey water and then take off to the grocery store...particularly if she hit her head hard enough to be unconscious for two whole days. I'd think someone with medical training would've taken her to the hospital for all of that.
The backyard description makes me think that there's some magical element even more now. Like I wonder if her mom is really a witch in disguise who's put her under a spell to turn her into a water creature...and if the pond isn't going to be her new home once the transformation is complete. Maybe the honey water isn't really honey water, but some sort of magical potion. I suppose it's entirely possible that I'm way overthinking this though.
Your description in this piece was absolutely stunning though. I love how you described Clementine's surroundings. You made it a very visual experience. OOOh. And the food description! I absolutely appreciated that you described the process of making steamed buns and the effort you put into the dough. MMm....fluffy pillows and blankets.
This story is lovely so far and I'm so insanely curious about what will happen next. Great work!
~Kaitlin
Hey, Eva! Here for our swap :)
I love the little intro bits at the beginning of both chapters. They're so creepy, almost? But also somehow cute? I don't know how you managed to do both at the same time (I mean, this person is murdering animals in this chapter), but you really do. They're really nice snippets into the mind of someone I'm assuming is going to play a bigger and bigger role in the story? Hopefully? Yes?
I'm so curious about the magic in your universe and I cannot wait to learn more about it. Is Clementine really a witch? Did she just wish it so hard that she convinced herself she has powers? Why does Clementine's mom seem so cool with the idea of Clementine have magic??? I'm so hooked on this premise.
Ugh, your decriptions of everything are just so incredible. From the way she cooked the egg tomato soup in the first chapter to how you showed the way this insane thirst has affected her in chapter two is so vivid and really throws me right into Clementine's world. It's so seamless how you weave together all of the little worldbuilding bits without being too overwhelming and letting us put things together on our own.
Also, I am so here for the relationship between Clementine and her mother. I love the way that food seems to connect them in such a profound way. They both cleary care about each other so much, but I'm so intrigued about how much her mom actually knows. A secret cabin that seems to be built in the middle of water?? Who just happens to have that on hand right when your daughter coincidentally seems to get cursed to be erpetually thirsty? She definitely knows way more than she's letting on.
Eva, this is such an amazing start to a story!! You have my absolutely hooked, please let me know when you update!!
Ashley
Eva!!!!! I am here as promised, with apologies for how long it is inevitably going to take for me to type out this review (I swear, I am the slowest reviewer /sobs). But aahhh it is worth every second for this lovely story ;-;
I'm not sure I fully understand the little villainess-witch-hopeful prologues but she's so cute, which is a pleasantly mind-bending combination XD She wants so much to be an evil witch! I want to support her but I'm not sure I can, morally speaking :P
Argh, poor Clementine! Your description of her experiences are so harrowing and distressing D: The constant thirst, the burning in her throat -- ugh, I felt like I needed some water after that. And I loved the descriptions of her nightmares too, so broken and hallucinatory. And we got to see more child Clem, which is always a good thing in my opinion :P
I find it so interesting that she was so strongly convinced of her witch-ness from such a young age! I am not an authority on children, I don't know whether or not this is normal, but given the apparently very real presence of magic in this world I have to wonder whether baby Clementine might have been on to something [eyes]
I love this new setting so much! A water-loving wood table is such a charming touch, haha -- it's almost enough to make me wish that I had a pond in my living room, but only almost. I suspect it would get weird and dank in my unmagical house. And the idea that the house is alive! Once again I don't know if this is simply Clementine's habit of anthropomorphising inanimate objects or whether [eyes] there really is something to it? Either way, I am very excited to find out more :D
Also, scream, Clementine and her mother ;-; Clementine loves her mother! Trusts her mother! Her mother's face is so dear to her! I weep! Also her mother totally has something going on with this house -- it doesn't seem like Clementine knew about it at all! Which is perhaps a little strange! My current theory is that perhaps Clementine's mother is a witch herself, which would perhaps explain how she knew about the honey water? My second, even wilder theory is that Clementine's mother is in fact that villainess-witch-in-training we see at the beginning of each chapter, and something in her past is coming back to haunt her. I realise I'm reaching a little :P
This was such a lovely chapter, Eva -- you're so good at creating this, sort of, whimsical and charming Mood that makes me feel so comfortable reading, like this is a warm sweet fairytale told to me by a friend. Which I suppose it is, in a way? Anyway, I loved this chapter a lot ;-; I hope chapter 3 doesn't give you too much trouble, because I do so want to read more of this lovely story!
? Emily
Hi Eva! This is actually my 800th review on the archives and I felt like it was fitting to leave it for someone who's constantly writing wonderful reviews for other people <3
Well, you certainly pulled me straight into the story with that opening line! I was really intrigued by the matter-of-fact mention of the curse having accidentally been placed, especially since this is original fiction. The way that you led from that opening line was great, with the very vague plan of how to try and curse someone (or at least - make them very wet?) which didn't really look like it had been thought about in very much detail. It really piqued my curiosity about this story.
Going from that opening to little Clementine playing that she was a witch was so cute, but also really clever. I kind of forgot about the curious opening here with how seemingly normal the rest of the chapter was - at least until the end. But it's very true that every young girl has believed they're a witch at some point, especially if she grew up with Harry Potter (who didn't want to be Hermione, am I right?). I loved Clementine's determination to keep her hat on and the way that her mum finally saw that as the way to get her to stop being such a picky eater. Parents really do have a battle sometimes, don't they? :P
Then getting to see Clementine when she was grown up and so happy in the kitchen, pleased to be there making something lovely for her mum, was so cute. It told us a lot about how she'd grown as a character in the intervening years even without us knowing anything about them. I loved the dialogue here and the closeness of Clementine's relationship with her mum.
(Side note: is egg-tomato soup a real thing? I've never heard of it and it doesn't sound like something that would work but honestly now I'm a little bit curious.)
I'm a little bit confused by the ending, I won't lie - why does she need more water? How does this relate to the opening of the chapter? But luckily I see that this story's marked incomplete, so maybe I can encourage you to write another chapter so I can know more?
Sian :)
Oh, this story brings back memories! I couldn’t magic them away but I do remember wondering if I could get away with hiding my brussel sprouts in my milk.
Clementine is adorable and I think you’ve captured the strategizing and “worldly” understandings of a five year old quite well, particularly when she’s choosing between the two evils which of course, results in tears and snot. Clementine has a wonderful imagination with her dragon mother, ideas of being a fish and the necessary black hat.
I love the lines about Hilde’s face and soup pots-definitely “snort quality.” The soups sounds delicious and it’s nice to see that her relationship with the “mama dragon” has evolved to a more equitable yet still loving relationship
Honestly, the plot became a bit confusing at the end. I don’t understand if this is realistic fiction with a girl with a great imagination or if there is actual magic involved. I assume there will be a second chapter to help clarify this.
Congratulations on your nomination.
Hi Eva, I'm here for CMDC round 3!
Wow! This is quite the opening chapter! So on my first read-through, I assumed that the "young witch-to-be" in the very first section was a younger Clementine, but now on my second read-through I'm really not so sure. Maybe whoever's being described in the first section is the same individual who later caused the mysterious rainfall? Hopefully in the next chapter, we shall find out!
Young Clementine was so endearing, even though I did feel a bit sorry for her mother :') But I babysit, and I have babysat kids before who have these very firm make-believe situations (e.g. one little girl had a fairy alter-ego and insisted on being addressed only by her fairy name rather than her birth name), so I thought it was quite realistic and sweet.
I loved Clementine's mother too! I appreciated that even though Clementine saw her as a bit of a villain when she was a young child, by the time we meet grown-up Clementine (or, I guess, more-grown-up Clementine) she just adores her mom. I thought that her mother's idea to get her involved in picking and cooking the dinners was a brilliant one! I think it's such a good idea to get kids involved with food early on, and in this story it clearly paid off, as now Clementine loves to cook and has all these rituals and traditions around it. I loved all the description you put into the cooking of the food.
But omg, what an alarming note for this chapter to end on! I thought it was just brilliantly done. What on earth is going on?! What's going to happen next?! I would really love to find out, so I hope this story will continue!
Awesome job!
-Kayla
Hello Eva, I’m here for the CDMC Event!
This is so incredibly wonderful; I love everything about it! How have I not read this before?? Clementine is so adorable, and I love how curiously timeless she feels? Like, I don’t know if this makes sense, but I love how ambiguously aged she feels in that first paragraph – there is such a strong sense of childish naivety and innocence (when she isn’t planning her wickedness and other people’s demise, of course) in her dreams of magic and the fact that she still has to practice signing her name, but the way you make her use all these clever big words – and how I love that step three of her evil plan reads simply ‘However.’ – that make her seem a lot older at the same time, and I simply adore that dichotomy!
And 5-year old Clem has to be the most adorable child that ever existed! I mean, who as a child hasn’t wished they could wield magic, but I love how Clem goes the extra mile and commits to the look :D And I absolutely love your style of narration in this – the use of so many polysyllabic words, asides, and ridiculously-hyphenated-compounds is delightful, and so fun to read, and really establish how clever Clementine is!
Of course, you continue astonishing me with teenage Clem! I adore how you include all these references to magic! Besides the cooking magic Clem works in the kitchen, all of her preparations would not be amiss in a potions textbook, and they simultaneously make me hungry for what she’s cooking and wary that she might not be preparing some demonic poison instead – especially with her mother’s allusions to Clem’s witch phase and the soup pot’s history as a cauldron stand-in! And I’m so fond of Hildegard despite how little we see of her; she’s got the most witchy-sounding name and a cackle to boot, and I love her for it!
I also love how Clementine discovers the unnatural rain – and again, I love how you tie in all of her past, water-based beliefs about magic! I believe that, were I to come across such an unusual phenomena in my garden, there would also be some instinct that tells me it’s supernatural, and that maybe, magic is real after all. And I would definitely walk right in, too, so I love that she did that!
And I’m so intrigued about what happened to Clem! Despite all of the references to magic (and your summary, which pretty clearly talks about real curses!) I was not prepared for something that was actually, undeniably supernatural to happen, so I’m so stoked about what will happen next! I know you mentioned in the CR thread that you might be working on a second chapter, and I am so, so looking forward to it!
(On a side note, I’m positively cackling at the fact that you described Clem’s mother’s language as ‘a nineteenth-century prude’, when I’m pretty sure I unwittingly used the exact phrase of “absolutely delightful” in my review above. Maybe I should feel a bit offended, but in all honesty, it would probably be a fair description :DD)
Much Love,
Julia
I was confused at first, thinking this was a one-shot, but then I went back and saw it was incomplete. It makes so much more sense now to me.
I really like all the plays on water in this. The ways she's thirsty, the sheet of rain in the sun-shower, her flooded bedroom and of course her tears. The sun shower in particular makes me think that she will have a dual nature and it will be shown in the story.
Ah, the mother who makes the child eat her whole plate. A common thing IRL, but it's actually harmful and I'm glad to see her mother came up with a good way to mitigate it and head off potential issues.
I was noticing that the cook pot seemed a bit like a cauldron when Clementine mentioned that was something her mother said. It also gives another water moment as she watches it evaporate from putting it on the heat.
The "Go to War" speech was cute and I really liked her setting up her mise en place so neatly.
The call with her friend also does a great job in setting up her normalcy and the fact that she has friends/support who will be there for her.
I look forward to reading more whenver you get time to update.
Heya Eva! :)
So the premise for this story is absolutely amazing, and your summary honestly sold me immediately! Okay so this is a fun little start with this witch who is clearly inexperienced and doesn’t realize when she’s creating this spell/trap that it’s going to go much further than she intended it to, which is probably how a lot of things end up getting out of hand in the fantasy genre. The set-up is well done, and I do hope we get to encounter said witch later on in this story! Then we get into backstory for Miss Clementine Li, what a cute little wannabe-witch five year old! You’ve clearly got experience with children of this age, because I know if I tried to write the attitudes and mannerisms of little kids, I would get it way wrong, and you get it way right! Her valiant attempts to do magic to basically disappear her food at dinner because she doesn’t want to eat it is absolutely precious and exactly something I wished I could do when I was that age. Her mom is so understanding though, even in her firmness about making sure she eats her dinner, and I love that. I’m curious -- there’s no mention of her father -- is that going to come up in later chapters, by chance? Perhaps as a plot point, or just a mention of him? Either way, very intriguing but not so much that it detracts from the focus of this opening chapter so far.
And then we have a time skip to Clementine now being 18 and freshly graduated from high school, yay! What I really love that you’ve done with this opening chapter is give her SUCH DEPTH of character, including flaws, and it’s so refreshing to get that right off the bat. Her conversation with her friend sounds exactly like recent high school graduates should, and their bond appears really strong! I look forward to seeing how you explore their friendship in later chapters. I know this was written intentionally for Kaitlin’s Playing With Your Food challenge, but the weaving in of the food element honestly didn’t feel unnatural or out of place at all in this back half of the chapter. Egg tomato soup sounds delicious even to me (avid hater of tomatoes) and the preparation that Clementine goes through is written very well! The details and precision with which you write and therefore she acts is wonderful. BUT THEN IT’S THE WATERFALL, OH NO! I greatly enjoyed the way you chose to describe how the curse started to affect Clementine, and how it wasn’t a full onset right away -- it took enough time for Clementine’s mother to get home and start her soup before Clementine collapsed and we see what the full effects of this curse could potentially be. I’ll be sure to follow this as you write more of it! <3
~Madi
CMDC Round 3
hey eva!! i've been meaning to come check out your fic for a while now and the rager event is the perfect excuse for me to finally get around to it :D
i just love the whole atmosphere that you've managed to create for this story -- it feels so gentle and fairytaleish, particularly so at the beginning when we're talking about witches and curses and magic, but you manage to keep this whimsical sort of thread running through even the ostensibly ordinary sections about clementine li and her human life, which i really love :') the character of the witch is so lovely as well -- evil, but kind of cute :P you did a great job with her character in such a brief section, i'm impressed!
i really really love clem and her mum 8D i love to read about characters who love each other! and these two really do seem to have that strong unshakable bond, from the deals that clem's mum strikes with her to the care that clementine puts into the birthday soup. i really love that she chops the tomatoes the way that her mother would want even though it doesn't make sense to her XD what a good encapsulation of their relationship: unwillingly doing things the other person's wrong way because you love them. and the descriptions of the egg-tomato soup were just excellent and extremely appetising. i love that you described it through the lens of clementine cooking for her mother, because i feel like i got such a good sense of how warm and loving the soup than i would with a description of how the soup was made.
ooh, that torrential downpour probably doesn't mean good things. i love that clementine's instinct is to step right into it, haha. what a mood! and then the sudden ravenous thirst at the end is a little concerning, to say the least :P your descriptions for that section are so vivid and alarming and it makes me need to know what they're going to do and how clementine and her mother are going to fix this!
as you can probably tell, i enjoyed this deeply :P it's such a great start to your fic, eva, i'm so glad i dropped by!
?emily
Happy new year eva! I’ve got some wishlist cheer for you!
First of all - the story starts quite interesting! Why did she want to place a curse, wanted to be wicked. Interesting way to wake up one day, though. Very interesting
Lol making a deal is very helpful. Blackmail, maybe, in this case, but hey if it works and she eats and she is happy because she gets to keep her hat then why the hell not
I do agree that the soup does not sound amazing but hey i might be surprised
and hten… what happens? Is it the curse she wished for but did she unleash it upon herself? Is she becoming a fish who needs water like a man needs oxygen? What is happening? I’m quite curious to see how this all works out! it’s an interesting premise for sure, and there are beautiful and not too common names in this story as well, which makes it even more brilliant for me! excellent job!
Ooh, Eva, this is so gorgeous and engaging and original. It feels fairytale-like, especially with the way it begins, and I love the idea of magic manifesting in real life after she's grown and moved past her seemingly naive, childlike fantsies about being a witch. The very first paragraph has such an innocent tone to it, even while it's discussing her "wicked" plan.
Your descriptions are beautiful, especially how much attention you pay to the sensory details of the cooking.
There are so many delightful quotes and turns of phrase here, such as:
She brought out all the ingredients, warmed the chicken stock, and made all her supplies presentable enough to attend a beauty pageant. The ingredients stood ready in their straight disciplined lines on the counter. Clementine gave them her customary “Go to War” speech, penned at age ten and edited annually since. Most eighteen-year-olds do not speak to their food; Clementine, however, believed in honoring their services.
And mothers have that strange ability to be completely and utterly wrong about something while presenting themselves as irrefutably correct.
And I really love the subtle humor involved in quotes like this:
The (aforementioned-and-quite-possibly-at-risk-of-getting-in-trouble) child
I eagerly await the next chapter!!
Melanie
Merry Christmas, Eva!
I can't believe how much I got from this chapter. You've packed so many themes and ideas into here and glued them together with entertaining and beautiful prose! I can't wait to read on, because I need to know what happens next! I love this balance between the themes of water and food. They made the story feel interesting and unique, and I was never quite sure where the story was going to go. I love the mix of reality and whimsy, of writing something so simple as cooking a meal next to the magical images of water appearing in impossible places.
I can't wait to see where this goes, and what Clementine's connection with water means. She's a fantastic protagonist--she's willing to learn, and also knows what she wants, and she's funny. I've really enjoyed reading this beginning to her story!
P.S. Eggs and tomatoes totally go together?! Hand me that soup pot, it's got a date with Hildegard's face.
Hi Eva! I’m here for the Rager :D
First of all, I really enjoy your prose. You make the words do what you want them to do—and this chapter has a delightful strain of humor running through it—I love it! When you write about things such as someone’s bedroom filling up with water, or Clementine seeing the strange weather out her window—I totally believe you because you are so confident about how you handle these unexpected events.
Also, I love the names Clementine and Hildegard :D
The unnamed witch at the beginning of the chapter (and I guess we’ll find out eventually if this is Clementine herself or the force that Clementine has to tangle with) is adorable in her wickedness. In fact, the blending of the adorable and the dark in this story is so effortlessly done and very appealing.
Clementine herself is adorable too! I love the picture you paint of her, sitting at the dinner table refusing to either eat or take off her special hat is so precious! The sort of spirited child who is creative and strong and makes an excellent protagonist. Her mother is pretty cool too I have to say—she accepts Clementine’s choice of head ware, and she also finds a really cool way to work with Clementine on the girl’s pickiness. Teaching her to cook; calling the pot a cauldron; working with Clementine to get her to change her ways rather than trying to crush her—awesome parenting!
And it pays off pretty well for her, since later Clementine is making her mother a special birthday dinner. I’ve never had egg tomato soup, but you write about it so deliciously that I really want to try it now! Excellent job evoking the sensation of time and place with Clementine’s cooking scene—and peppering it with the bizarre weather was the perfect seasoning. I really enjoyed that Clementine went out to investigate the crazy weather, and of course got herself drenched because it just seemed like the thing to do.
But the end of the chapter! Oh my goodness! You really got my attention with Clementine gulping scalding water because she needs water that badly (and is she growing gills now I wonder??).
Please write more of this story!! I really want to know what happens next!
:D
Yours,
Noelle
Eva! <3
Hello, my dear! Happy holidays! <3
You asked explicitly for reviews on this, and since it placed in Kaitlin's challenge, I imagined it had to be wonderful! (I knew it would be wonderful anyway, everything you write is...) I was not disappointed! :D
I have soooo many questions! Mainly, what's going on? :P What's up with the strange rain? Was it that that was magical, or was it the soup? Or both? Is Clementine turning into a fish? Is she actually a witch, after all? Or is the person in the first paragraph someone else entirely and that's the person who caused eveything? (This possibility only just occurred to me... but who knows, maybe?) I guess I'll find out once more chapters will be up... right? ;)
Little Clementine was so cute! :D I love this idea that she would believe herself a witch and wear her witch hat all the time... and that she would be so picky with her food... like most children are, I guess... :P The deal she made with her mum was just the sweetest thing! I love that they started a tradition of cooking together, that's just the best thing! <3 Speaking of which, I really like her mum. She's stern, but in a sweet way. It was a really nice mother/daughter relationship that you portrayed here! :)
The description of the cooking process of the soup was awesome! You did such a great job at it (no wonder you placed in the challenge!) And yes, I totally agree with Clem, tomatoes count as vegetables, and I will fight to the death with anyone claiming the opposite! (Okay, that's a lie, but you know what I mean...)
Most eighteen-year-olds do not speak to their food; Clementine, however, believed in honoring their services. This sentence was super funny and super endearing at the same time! Probably my favourite line in absolute! :D
Upon reentering her home, she quickly rushed to change, finishing just in time to rescue the soup from crossing the dangerous line between "deliciously combined" and "frighteningly mushy." This was also a favourite line, because it's so true. A few seconds can really determine the difference between perfection and utter failure in the kitchen, and you phrased it brilliantly!
I'm sure there's something foundamental I'm forgetting to comment on, but the point is, this was a great start to this new story of yours, and now I'm super curious to know what happens next and how things will develop!
Brilliant job on this, sweety!
Happy holidays and snowball hug again!
Chiara
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