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Well thank you, Taylor, for putting me back into my Hamilton phase that I was sure I had left behind about two years ago because EVERYTHING about this is so beautiful and compliments Satisfied so well.
Vic in the first scene, and the references to the song you've laced through so perfectly, are already so full of this quiet, oh so bitter emotion. I can't even imagine the pain and turmoil she must be feeling here. The pairing of Vic/Teddy was such a clever one to pair with this song as it is so well established and so without needing to introduce us to the situation you've already set this up to be an emotional gut-punch.
(you're a monster)
Now to the flashbacks and honestly I can't even because Teddy and Victoire stargazing might be the cutest thing ever. I love their friendship and the way he teases her he clearly knows her so well and they just seem to effortlessly fit. Which of course is what introduces us to the huge crush Vic has on him and the awkward teenageryness of them establishing their feelings. I love the way you've woven the satisfied lyric in there. It's totally something I can imagine Teddy saying and it's a beautiful piece of writing that fits perfectly in with your own. And then of course I remember the start and I'm horrified again because LET THEM BE HAPPY TAYLOR. Infact, the way that their conversation goes instantly from first kisses and feelings to "we're tiny compared to the universe" and "there's a million things I haven't done" may be the saddest thing about this fic WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING because it shows that right from the start there's this sense of foreboding and an ultimate end in site for this relationship. It draws a clowd over them and almost sets off the inevitable ending which is AGH so so well done you are just so damn talented.
(monnnnster)
"Our relationship blooms quickly, almost as if we're rushing to make things serious enough before I head back to school in the fall and he doesn't." MORE INEVITABLE DOOM. WELL DONE TAYLOR. I'm actually impressed at how much you've made me feel sick reading a scene that's objectively really cute and almost sickly sweet but in this story it just gives me more of the heavy feeling in my stomach. This leads into their breakup scene is horrible, like in the best way possible. I really really do not like Victoire here and I have no idea how you managed that. You really do know how to flip emotions around and drown me in a mix of the Hamilton Soundtrack and my own misery... I sort of love it. Although she has been in love with him, at least at some teenage level, I get the feeling that Teddy always more aware of his feelings and in touch with them than Vic. This comes through here in the particularly cold way she gives up on him and their relationship because it ever really gets started. She's bored now and she wants more and weaving this feeling of not being (yeah...) satisfied in there is perfect with the narrative.
(again... monster)
And just as I say I don't like her I'm back to feeling unbelievably sorry for her. There's a lot of raw emotion in the scene with Dom and yeah, all of a sudden i just want to wrap her in cotton wool and then shake some sense into her because girl seriously, her emotions are a mess. She doesn't want what she has when she's got it and then the second it's gone and she can't have it back she's in love all over again. A hug and a shake iis what she needs! (and I'm not even going to go into the teddy scene because this review is already way too long but just aDskdwiuewbjqahdaskn45fwinefeouwrghjwe11... that about sums it up for me :)
"That flash of recognition in Teddy's eyes is gone as quickly as it came, and I realize that, while I may still be hung up on a man I can never have, he's moved on." To finish off the fic and this review (which is longer my NaNo word count at this stage WHOOPS) can i just say that this line is perfect because while it drags us back and breaks our hearts again it's also just so painfully realistic. People do move on and change and while Teddy might dimly remember it, it doesn't mean that night or those words hold the same weight for him as they do for vic. It really highlights the beauty of what you've written here and i am not atall surprised this won the challenge!
Excellent as always, monster.
Deni x
Author's Response:hahaha a return to a hamilton phase is never a bad thing :P
ah yeah, the vic/teddy pairing definitely jumped out at me when i decided to use this song - it's just a perfect fic, and has so much potential for emotional turmoil. (hehe, yes, this fic definitely makes me worthy of my monster title. i'll accept that.)
haha that stargazing scene was a thing i finished and then immediately was like 'WAIT FUCK I HAVE TO BREAK THEM UP NO.' i didn't mean to get attached to them in that moment but whoops i did. but there's this little cloud hanging over them that only gets bigger, and it's all a little evil but was so fun to just build up to this gradual end that you already know is coming. teddy's definitely a little more in touch with his emotions though - vic is still trying to figure hers out, really.
but... yeah, she's definitely a bit of an emotional mess by the end of things. she's still attached to something that teddy's mostly moved past, which is hard but the reality of the situation. some people just move on faster than others, and it makes a whole mess of things.
thanks for this review and for all the creative ways you called me a monster throughout <3
Hey there! I'm here to do my review for the Wrong Owl Challenge I did with Kris. Thanks again for joining in!
First off - I had to go youtube the song before reading your story. (Fabulous song! I soooooo want to see that musical one day! I so support the idea of that becoming a Hollywood movie.) Then I had to wikipedia the sisters to learn more about them. (Serious history nerd here. History fascinates me.) Now - I'm going to read your story, and do my review. (Pause here for reading. <3)
Wow. This story was lovely and bittersweet. It totally fit the song and challenge also. *grins*
I don't know who to feel more sorry for - Vic or Teddy. I've always shipped them, but I'm not too knowledgeable on the Next Gen of the Potter world. They were so charming together, and it seemed like a love that could have stood the challenges of time.
But - Vic at least broke it off instead of letting it linger. Kudos to her for that. And, at least, she didn't blame Dom or Teddy for falling for each other. Teddy moving on shows his maturity. Vic shows her maturity by letting go, even though she still has feelings for Teddy.
Now, Vic just needs to truly move on.
Good job on this story. What would make it more perfect? A companion fic where Vic moves on, and finally finds satisfaction.
<3 juls
Author's Response:hi juls! yes, satisfied is such a great song and the history behind it also.
ah yep, this fic is definitely very bittersweet. vic broke things off because she needed to, even if it hurt, and she supports dom when she and teddy get together, but god, it sure is painful. she'll move on soon enough, but it's all very raw right now.
thanks for reading <3
Hey Taylor! I'm here with your entry review for my Broadway Musical Song Challenge! :)
Hamilton is just filled with fantastic songs and lyrics, and Satisfied is one of my favorites sung by the ladies in the cast! Lin's lyrics are just so beautiful and poignant, and you weave SO MANY of them expertly throughout this piece that they all hit in the same way that they do in the Broadway show. Showing the snapshots of Teddy and Victoire's time together as a couple compared to Angelica & Alexander as a non-couple was a deviation that worked really well here and strengthened Victoire's pain later on when Dominique tells her about her new relationship with Teddy while Vic's been in Thailand.
The interspersing of the lyrics as both dialogue and narrative pieces worked phenomenally. I'm not gonna lie to you though, I was /totally/ singing them and then tried to switch to regular reading but it didn't work out as well as I'd hoped it would :P Singing along though did at least help me remember what part of the scene in Hamilton each bit was referring to so that was good, lol. But really though, with the time evolution you've given here for Teddy and Victoire and Dominique, it's all the more heartbreaking. That scene on the beach at Shell Cottage when Victoire breaks up with Teddy at her graduation party broke my heart, but you just broke it even more later on at Louis's graduation party. Also, opening and closing with the wedding *JUST* like Hamilton was a fantastic choice that I'm very happy you went with. In general there's just such strong imagery and emotion being conveyed throughout the piece that is so fantastic. Overall, you basically made me cry over a ship I haven't read about in like ages, and made a song I love a lot carry even more meaning. Great job, Taylor! I'll have the results posted soon. :)
~MadiMalfoy x
Author's Response:madi, hi!!
gah, satisfied is definitely one of my favourites from hamilton, so i couldn't resist turning it into a fic when you posted this challenge. it was fun to use the hamilton narrative but give it a twist (and make it.... even more heartbreaking somehow, haha).
and yay, i'm glad the lyrics worked!! also lmaoooo i totally did that as well while i was writing, which was hilarious.
i'm so happy you enjoyed this (and i'm evilly laughing over breaking your heart, lol) - thanks for hosting this fun challenge!!
Hey Taylor, I’m here for the review request!
Poor Victoire, I really feel for her in the opening scene! You bring across the conflicting emotions she’s experiencing so well. Of course she’s happy to see her sister get married, and of course she wishes only the best for her, but how can she truly be glad when she’s not over Teddy herself? I also feel that comes across very well in the quotes you’ve chosen (which you managed to work seamlessly into the flow of the story!): Now, I’m not familiar with Hamilton, but the fact that Vic doesn’t wish for happiness for the newly-weds, but only that they may be ‘satisfied’ to me really brought across that twinge of sadness and jealousy Victoire feels, like she can’t honestly say she wants them to be happy, not when it comes at the expense of her own happiness.
There’s a lot I love about the next scene, on the astronomy tower: It’s very sweet, and you’ve established their characters so effortlessly in Vic’s analysis, and in the small bits of dialogue. But mostly I love how you’ve depicted their (future) relationship because although their both very cute in their awkwardness and in their mutual pining, I already get the sense that ultimately, they’re not going to last, and that’s not just because I know how it ends; there are so many small details that stand out to me, like how they disagree on the fundamental significance of human nature, or the fact that Teddy shrugs and disturbs Vic when she’s got her head on his shoulders – these details just make it very clear to me that although they’re both trying, they’re not really interacting with each other, if that makes sense, to me it’s more like they exist next to each other but ultimately they talk past one another, which colours the entire scene in a bittersweet atmosphere, which just comes across so well!
And that carries over into the next section as well, throughout the summer, it feels like Victoire isn’t really that attached to their relationship, all the ways she talks about Teddy and his efforts to ‘woo her’ make their interactions sound very perfunctory, like they have a mechanical quality to them – like Teddy doesn’t take her on dates to all these romantic locations because he wants to spend time with Vic, but because that’s what he’s learnt is expected in a relationship.
‘When he’s not taking me to moonlit gardens or stealing kisses behind my grandparents’ garden, he’s working some entry-level sales job at Quality Quidditch Supplies.’ That sentence in particular stands out to me, by mentioning those two things so nonchalantly in the same sentence, you really carry across that for Teddy, his relationship with Victoire seems to be ranked roughly at the same priority as his job: Both aspects of his life appear to only be stepping stones before he reaches his ultimate goal, like their just placeholders until he gets to the real thing, and even while Victoire says she thinks they see something special in each other, the im-passionate way she talks about their relationship makes it seem like even she is aware that their time together is limited, and not just because she’s heading back to school. (I hope I’m not misinterpreting things terribly, but that is how they read to me.)
Right, so even though I wasn’t that attached to Teddy’s and Vic’s relationship, the next scene is still incredibly sad, and heart-wrenching. Ending a relationship is always sad, and it’s especially for Vic here, because it’s not exactly mutual, because she’s also saying goodbye to her best friend, and because she’s embarking on a whole new chapter of her life, where she’d need the support of that friend. I also feel like I did Teddy dirty by doubting his intentions earlier because he seems far more upset than Vic is.
I love all the sibling interactions in the next bit! It’s very easy to see that Vic and Dom are very close with each other, and that Dom really cares about her sister’s approval! And again, Vic’s complicated feelings of wanting her sister to be happy and her own jealousy and lingering feelings for Teddy come across so well – of course it’s hard for her to accept that, even though she and Teddy never had much of a chance with their relationship, Teddy and Vic are now firmly a thing of the past, but ultimately she cares about her sister’s happiness and doesn’t want to stand in her way. Victoire also picks up on a spark, a chemistry between Dom and Teddy that, for me, never came across between Teddy and Vic, so although that’s painful to watch for Vic, it cements this new relationship for me as a reader, and immediately makes it clear that this one is meant to last.
I also liked the interaction between Vic and Lou – and I love the detail that they all use three-letter nicknames for each other!
I also think you did a fantastic job picking up the earlier themes from Ted and Vic’s stargazing interaction, as well as the melancholy atmosphere again in the last section! Over all, I love your story progression; the scenes that you chose worked really well in showcasing how Teddy and Vic’s relationship developed! You also did a terrific job in working in the song lyrics, they flow so naturally that if it weren’t for the italics, I wouldn’t have noticed them at all!
Much Love,
Julia
Author's Response:hi julia!! <3
i'm so glad that the quotes flow seamlessly - that was something i kinda worried about when writing, just because the lyrical style is different than my writing style and i didn't want itt o be too jarring when the lyrics were plugged into the prose. and i'm glad this fic resonates even without knowingt he context of hamilton (although really, the premise of the song in the musical is pretty much identical to the way i used it here).
i love that you picked up on those details as foreshadowing - they weren't necessarily meant that way, but they *are* subtly out of sync a bit, which doesn't bode well for the paths that they travel on from there. and victoire does kind of have a fatalistic view on their relationship in the next part, at least in the sense that they won't be able to see each other during the schoolyear and will have to cope with long distance in the interim. and instead of letting the relationship progress on natural terms, they both start to rush things.
breakups are never easy, even when you see them coming. and vic's right here, at least in my mind, in that it's not fair to either of them to be in a relationship that doesn't seem like it's going to have the chance to properly grow. but it's hard no matter what, and teddy was certainly upset by it.
the sibling relationship in this was really important to me - the relationship between victoire and dom is just as central as the two romantic relationships, and vic eventually chooses her sister over herself because of how much she cares for dom. she's got INCREDIBLY complicated feelings about it, and they never fully go away, but you're right that she sees a spark between teddy and dom that her own relationship lacked, and it's that moment that tells her she made the right decision, no matter how much it hurts.
i'm so glad you enjoyed the progression of this story and how it all tied back together at the end - thank you for your review!!
HELLO MONSTER WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???
I am here with your requested review and for rvg for whatever month we are in, I can't even THINK OF IT right now because POOR VICTOIRE! (insert gif of gingerbread man screaming YOU'RE A MONSTER here)
I like actually can't even imagine how terrible this must have been for Victoire to watch the man she loves marry her sister. Because like it's not even like her ex is marrying someone terrible and she can talk trash. Besides being her sister, Dom is a genuinely good person and she and Teddy are really good together! They're compatible with similar goals, experiences, and interests.
Teddy and Victoire are adorable though and I was rooting for them SO HARD! They had such a cute little moment getting together in the astronomy tower! I love that they're opposites, Victoire the dreamer and Teddy the realist, the perfect couple who grew up together to fall in love together. But as perfect as they were, Victoire's reasons for breaking up were totally valid, especially if she's leaving. Stagnant was such an interesting word- I mean it was totally true, but just really made me think. Also, poor Teddy because he just loved a girl and wanted to be with her and APPARENTLY SHE WAS UNSATISFIED BECAUSE THEY WERE STAGNANT!!
I just really want to ask- do you ENJOY ruining weddings for perfectly innoncent people? I mean, you do it VERY WELL, to be fair, but my point stands! That last scene there was a killer! Bringing it back to one of Teddy's original comments about how she needs to let herself be fulfilled was crushing. Will she ever be satisifed? Especially now that Dom is with Teddy? (artistically speaking, that was beautiful. heartwrenching, great and terrible ending, monster)
-Sarah
Author's Response:hahahaha this was clearly the point in my fic-writing that i was just operating at full monster all the time :P
victoire's in SUCH a complicated situation here, because yeah, she's not in a place where she can trash talk or anything of the sort. dominique is great, teddy is great, they're great together, and she's just this awkward isolated puddle of sadness because she can't really talk about it with anyone. womp womp.
lol i finished writing that getting togehter scene and was literally like 'oh FUCK i have to break them up now, why the fuck did i think this fic was a good idea.' so yeah, i'm also mad at myself for being a monster on this one. but they were both moving in different directions and their relationship never got the opportunity to grow and would only have gotten stretched thinner from there. it makes sense on a rational level that their relationship was kind of doomed and would only have gotten messier if they tried to drag it on for too much longer, but it's a little agonising nonetheless.
lmao will i EVER write a wedding that's not traumatising to a character in some way?? doubtful!
thanks for reviewing <3
Hey there!
I'm here for our review swap and for the Gryffindore Red vs. Gold Review Battle - February 2019! Ooh. I'm excited to see that this is a Next Gen story! I always love a good Teddy, Victoire, Dominique situation. I'm curious to see what you've done with it.
Yikes. The opening scene sounds super tough for Victoire. It's hard enough to deal with a breakup or having your affection spurned, but to then have to happily acknowledge it at your own siblings wedding...Let's just say I don't envy her. There is clearly some baggage there and honestly, I'm a bit terrified to find out. You're about to kill my feelings, aren't you?
Well, the start of their relationship sounds very sweet. I like that you start Victoire and Teddy off as friends first. It adds a nice layer to them to see them go from hiding their feelings to finally opening up to each other. Teddy's romantic date to watch the stars is like something out of a movie. I felt like I had butterflies right along with Victoire as I was reading it.
Wow. I love the way you describe Teddy. His fly by the seat of the pants attitude and the way he's scraping everything together is very appealing. I can see why the ladies dig him. I have a feeling that this doesn't bode well for Victoire though. Unfortunately, it seems to me that the two of them are at different points in their life. He's going to be thrust into the adult world while she is still wrapped up in school. Maybe he means it when he loves her, but love isn't always enough to overcome conflicting timelines.
I also relate to the whole "One year apart and then we'll be together" sentiment. When I was 19, my ex-husband shipped off to Iraq for the first time. You think that the intensity of your love is enough to overcome anything, that the distance will make you miss and subsequently fall in love with the other person more, that you aren't like the rest of the people who can't hack long distance. The truth is that you can survive distance, but your life has to be moving in the same direction. You have to be growing together, not growing apart. I think this will be the case with Teddy and Victoire. I think they will sadly grow apart.
I did notice one thing up to this point. You italicize a lot of sentences throughout this and I'm wondering if that's just for emphasis or if those lines are somehow important at a later point in the story.
Well, I definitely didn't expect Victoire to be the one to end it, but I'm kind of glad that she did. I feel like she is in the right on this decision. She's setting out to start life in another country and it isn't fair to keep him strung along hanging onto a few letters and stolen weekends. I think, if they are meant to be, they will find a way back to each other in the long run. Having seen the opening bit, I don't think that will be the case (hence the regret), but it doesn't mean that it was the wrong choice.
I know Victoire is hurting seeing her sister and Teddy together. I admire her for putting on a brave face and for being the bigger person. It's obvious how much she cares about both of them and that she does truly want them to be happy. That is a very selfless choice to make. That being said, I still think she made the right choice. It's hard to wonder what if about a person you loved, but the experiences she's having/will have are worth it. Living in Thailand, moving to Mozambique, seeing the whole of the world...I don't know that there is anything that can compare to that. As the wound in her heart starts to heal, I think she'll realize that. Besides, there are millions of people in that world...and I can't believe that there's only one meant to be per person.
Hmm...the ending is still pretty melancholy. It makes me a bit sad that three years later Victoire is still hurting over Teddy and Dom. I guess it's pretty hard to move on from an ex when you have to see or be around them constantly. I do think she needs to find a way to move on to be satisfied though. I don't think she needs to compromise in her desire to travel, have a big impact, and find someone who is capable of doing it with her. Those people exist and she shouldn't sell herself short. I do hope she realizes that someday.
This was another well written story. I enjoyed seeing the progression of Victoire's life, her excitement, her regrets, all of it. You really made her a deep and complex character which is so difficult to do in a one-shot. Kudos!
Good job!
~Kaitlin
(Forgot to add that I like that you didn't end this with Victoire and Teddy getting together. I feel like they are always paired together and so it's a bit refreshing to see that not happen.)
Author's Response:hi kaitlin! yes, i love teddy/vic, but i also thought it'd be fun to explore adding dominique to the mix and making this a fun sort of love triangle situation.
they definitely have a super cute start to their relationship, but i love that you're already able to pick out the differences between teddy and victoire. it's true that they're both really different people heading in different directions, and while they may only have 'one year apart' before they're reunited, they are both effectively moving in totally opposite directions with their lives. it's a really difficult choice for victoire, because of what you said - you want that intensity of love to be enough, but it's just..... not.
the italicised lines are all hamilton lyrics! they're just kinda wedged into the prose, haha.
but you're right, time will definitely be good for victoire. teddy isn't the only person she's capable of loving, it just feels like that now for her because it's happening in front of her eyes and she's still kind of stuck in the middle of all the regret and 'what if's. i like to imagine she'll find someone else whose life is heading in the same direction of hers soon enough.
thanks for reading/reviewing, kaitlin!! <3
Hi, Taylor! I'm here with your requested review! :)
Okay, so, Teddy/Victoire is one of my favorite pairings, and my absolute favorite for next-gen, so I was admittedly a little nervous knowing they weren't going to be endgame here. However, you made the reasons for their relationship's demise completely realistic and convincing, so much so that this may actually have become one of my favorite depictions of a break-up in fic. I like that they didn't have a huge falling out, that one didn't betray the other in some way, etc. They just... grew apart. They had different goals, different needs, and I thought that was really well executed. This sort of situation happens all the time, so I loved seeing it explored here. What I liked the most about it was that despite how much it hurt them both, they both came to understand what was best for each other, and there was no bad blood between them. It just showed how strong their friendship was, and how much mutual respect they had for one another.
Despite how much I love Teddy/Vic, I've always had a soft spot for Teddy/Dom too. :p (I have a shipping problem lol.) So, if Teddy wasn't going to end up with Vic, I'm glad it was Dom. I think it was really sweet how, despite how much time had passed, both Dom and Teddy wanted to get Vic's blessing before getting too serious. It's that mutual respect again. In spite of all the heartbreak and complex emotions laced throughout this piece, the one thing that never changes is the characters' care and consideration of one another.
It was only brief, but I loved the dynamics between various members of the Weasley clan at Lou's party. It was sweet how much the younger cousins seemed to look up to Victoire. Drunk Louis was hilarious, too; I giggled at his intoxicated insightfulness.
In your request, you mentioned concern about how the Hamilton lyrics were used and the pacing of the story. I'm one of probably 7 people on earth who hasn't listened to Hamilton, so I had no context for them going into this, but taking them for face value, I think they worked well here. I typically see songs lyrics in fics used to break up scenes, but I like how you incorporated them as part of the narrative and within the dialogue; it was a different twist, and it made it feel like less of a song fic. (Not that there's anything wrong with song fics, but hopefully you get what I mean!) As far as pacing/flow goes - I think using the wedding as "bookends" was an excellent way to frame this piece, as it made the middle parts all the more melancholy. This was on the lengthier side for a oneshot, but it never felt like it was dragging at any point, so well done there.
Overall, this was a well-written story, however heartbreaking. Thanks for stopping by my request thread!
Cheers,
Reilly
Author's Response:hi reilly!
yeah, the break-up here is definitely a more gradual thing - which is both v realistic (i feel like that's how most real-world breakups go, at least in my experience?) and allows for a lot of bittersweet feelings throughout the fic, because there's not bad blood, just kind of a melancholy over what they were and what they could've been if life hadn't gotten in the way. but yeah, dom and teddy both have a lot of love and respect for vic, so getting her blessing was really important for the both of them, even if the blessing itself wasn't fully genuine on account of vic's feelings.
lol weasley family dynamics are so fun, i had to pepper them in somewhere!
i'm glad the lyrics worked and flowed well enough - literally incorporating song lyrics into prose wasn't something i'd tried before writing this, so i'm glad the experiment turned out well!
thanks for this wonderful review :)
Well, this was a sad story. I haven't seen Hamilton, so maybe things would click together if I had, but this whole story was just sad to me. It's about a girl who had love and then lost it. Intentionally lost it.
My favorite part of the story was just after the beginning when they're both at Hogwarts. Reading them go from friends to lovers made me really really want a novel length story about them getting together. (You wouldn't happen to know of any, would you?) They're both adorable! This line: "Lately, it's started to feel like you fancy me just as much as I fancy you." Heart stop. And then they star gaze and kiss and yay.
Sad point #1 is them rushing their relationship in the summer. Obviously they're all lovey-dovey, but having subconscious pressure to be in love fast can't be fun in the long run. I dunno... maybe if they just took things naturally, I'd like to hope that things would have worked out.
Sad point #2 The break-up. Yeah, they're going in different directions. My personal opinion is that long-distance relationships are really difficult to maintain. But I think that if the couple is really dedicated, they can make it work. But it's not something for the faint of heart. That sort of love takes work. I think here it's sad that Vic didn't even try. So what if they might have broken up. So what. Or like maybe at least give Teddy the chance to go with you! But no. And she cuts him off so decisively.
Sad point #3 Dom and Teddy dating. Like, what is Vic supposed to do? She's right. If she were to tell Dom that she still likes Teddy, Dom would have backed off. But then she doesn't know if Teddy has any feelings for her still, and then all three of them might possibly end up alone and unhappy. So Vic, being all nice and self-sacrificing, gives her blessing. Good job there though setting up that agonizing choice~!
And then the wedding ... So much regret and what-ifs and love lost. I cannot imagine that sort of pain and anguish. And I think the worst part is is that she can't really voice her pain without causing others pain. Man that's tough.
So... this kind of story isn't really my cup of tea. I don't like being left feeling sad in a frustrated sort of way. That being said, I think it's still a good piece of writing. I think ? I'm supposed to be feeling sad and frustrated and ugh, and if that's the case, then good job for making the reader feel those things. I do really like how you started with the wedding, and then did most of the story as the past, and then ended it with the wedding again. It had nice circle-ness. Circliness? Meh, my brain.
Alwynse for RvG February.
Author's Response:it's definitely a sad story - the hamilton storyline that accompanies this song is pretty similar to the story here: the girl singing it is watching her younger sister get married to the man she loves.
the beginning definitely starts on a super pleasant friends-to-lovers note, because what's some angst without some fluff to make you root for the characters? anyways, yes, you're right in that rushing things wasn't great for them, but they were also facing a whole nine months apart from each other, and that's a LOT of pressure. and with their breakup, the thing is, they've DONE long distance. they've been long distance for victoire's entire seventh year, and it's getting to the point that their relationship largely hinges on those first few months of their relationship, and now they'll be apart for who knows how long. it's not fair to either of them to hinge so heavily on the past and on a few short visits when they very well may never live in the same country again, so her decision is, in my opinion, a very valid and mature one. it's not about 'not trying' - they've been trying.
but yes, vic is put in a tough situation in that she's in pain but can't really talk about it without ruining things for someone else. and she loves dom - more than she loves teddy, even - and that's why she decides to do what she does.
anyways, i'm sorry this isn't your cup of tea - but the emotions you felt were exactly how this story was *meant* to make the reader feel, so i suppose i'll count that as a win.
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