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Hi, Renee! I stopped by for House Cup Opener review activity!
This is so sad to imagine that Harry couldn't adjust himself in daily life after he came back. You did an excellent job with writing his PTSD by repeatance of his stream of consciousness. Reading a paper, putting on his trainers... these ordinary things are hard for him to continue, he is panicked, it's too painful.
On the contrary, it's easier for the healer to say comforting words to him, however they don't do good for him. He needs guardians who just listen to him and truly care for him. Poor Harry, he really needs his mum. Yet he is Harry Potter who cares, always cares for the other people. He couldn't consult with Molly who lost her son, Fred, either. Readers, who visit this story, cannot stop crying for him including me.
Thank you for sharing such a moving episode, Renee. And thank you for moderating the forums for us.
K
Author's Response:Thank you so much for leaving this review, Kenny! Modding is my pleasure. We are lucky to have you as a member! :)
Hey, Renee, I’m here for the Review Swap!
This is such an incredible story! You’ve managed to convey so much in so few words; that’s majorly impressive! I love that you focussed on Harry’s inner monologue, you convey his emotions so powerfully, and interspersed with the little details about the setting, like the file or the floorboards, it’s really easy to picture the scene.
But let’s get back to the way you’ve portrayed Harry’s thoughts, because it really is so overwhelmingly powerful! The repetition of the psychiatrists (admittedly awful) advice rings so true, I feel like that’s a very Harry thing to focus on, and especially that he takes that phrase and runs away with it, to mean he can’t burden anyone else with his problems, since they think he’s fine and have bigger things to worry about… Harry is always so self-sacrificing, so intent on protecting others that he doesn’t view his own problems as noteworthy, and I can see how, in an unhealthy state of mind, that can easily lead to his isolating himself from his friends, and to thinking he’ll never be good enough, never do enough. You’ve captured those aspects so well!
You’ve also made it very clear that Harry is overwhelmed by the tasks he’s set himself, and you’ve portrayed that in such a compelling way. It starts out with “Rebuilding recruitment”, but in the end, even taking off his shoes is a nearly insurmountable obstacle. Sometimes, even the most trivial tasks can be so daunting.
The way you portray Harry’s suicidal thoughts is also very chilling, the first time I read the phrase “What did a person do after they died?”, I just assumed that was to do with Harry struggling to find purpose after the war, but as I read on it became clear that those issues run much deeper, and by the time I’d reached the repetition of that phrase at the end… There are sentences that you’ve tied in so casually into Harry’s monologue, and connected them to taking off his shoes, that seem to be about everything but shoes, like “He was so close.” and “It was easy.” To me, at least, they evoke much darker associations. Sorry I’m rambling a bit, but I’m having trouble formulating how astonishingly well-crafted I think your story is. I also love how you’ve depicted the apathy Harry is feeling, how he can’t get himself to engage with anything. “Then came the hollowing out, the feeling of infinite nothing inside the shell of his skin, so that no matter how deeply he searched, he found nowhere to connect.” This sentence in particular stands out to me, and it’ll stay with me for a while, I think, especially the phrase ‘infinite nothing’ resonates so much with me.
This story is absolutely stunning, and so powerful in the way you portray Harry’s emotions! You’ve done such a terrific job!
I’m sorry you had a bad experience with your therapist, but it sounds like you’ve found a better match, and I hope you’re doing better now! Sending all my love your way,
Julia
Author's Response:Thank you so so much for your review! <3
Hi Renee! Here for RvG and the Magical Menagerie (and also because it's been far too long since I read any of your wonderful writing).
This was a really powerful piece of writing. I've read a couple of stories that have focused on Harry struggling with mental illness after the war and that makes so much sense to me - I don't know how anybody comes through the trauma that he's dealt with and remains unaffected by it. But this was a really impressive way of capturing those feelings in the immediate aftermath of the battle - I'd love to see you explore these aspects of his character when he's older, too.
This was only short, but I think it worked even better because of that. The short sentences, the way that Harry's thoughts flit from one topic to the next - it's not quite chaotic, but it really captures the restlessness of depression, the impossibility of holding onto one train of thought and how overwhelming everything feels. The tone of this was perfect for the piece, as well - there was a really grave, almost detached tone here which I think reflects what Harry's feeling really well.
Ugh, the Healer! I think Hermione encouraging him to go and see a professional was a good move but after someone telling him that it's only going to be harder to see someone else in the future. There's so much wrong with saying that he's doing okay because he's "passing" to most people - I don't need to enumerate it all here but I want to throw something at that Healer. And Harry constantly trying to pull himself up on his own thoughts and convince himself that he's not really that badly off because other people are worse - that rings so true but it's so heartbreaking to see that he can't even bring himself to talk to Molly because she's lost Fred and he feels guilty for that. She'd probably be one of the best people for him to talk to at the moment, no matter how much she's struggling - she understands.
The repetition throughout this piece of the question "What did a person do after they died?" was so effective - it conveyed his feelings so accurately, of being lost and not knowing where to go from here - the fact that death might not even seem the same to him now because he's in the insane position of having already been there. The last sentence was so poignant, too, because of its simplicity - his attempts to convince himself that everything is okay and that he can ignore what's going on in his mind.
This was a really powerful read, Renee, and I thought you captured Harry's character and state of mind brilliantly here. Well done!
Sian :)
Author's Response:Sian! <3 I love getting reviews from you, thank you so much! I am so happy you found this powerful and accurate to Harry's state of mind, if that makes sense. xoxo Renee
Renee!!! I read this when you first posted it but I'm coming back to review it for the Menagerie because I want to refresh my mind for FROGS. I remember it being incredible, so I'm very excited!
Oh my godddd "you're passing" this is the w o r s t. This is like when my psych was like "you're wearing sparkly shoes so you can't possibly be that depressed". (I got a new psych.) I love the style you've written this in -- the circular nature of the thoughts, the short sentences, the use of paragraphs. It's so good at communicating the mood, you're such a skillful writer!
The repetition of "what did a person do after they died?" is super powerful and I'm so sad that he keeps thinking about Lily. :( You know it's because of the resurrection stone, and it's just heartbreaking!!! I love this fic a LOT and I love how broken Harry is because I just don't see him getting a normal job and recovering from this, honestly? Like I know the epilogue is set 19 years later and presumably he does actually get therapy and whatnot but idk man, this perfectly encapsulates what I think would happen with Harry. I love this fic so much and I remember thinking when I read it the first time "well damn, no point in even entering this challenge now because this one blows anything I'm going to write out of the water". :P And it did, and I'm happy about it because now I get to read it!!! <3 Much love!
Author's Response:OH MY GOD did your psych actually saythat to you??? That is SO STUPID. Ugh. So glad you got someone better.
You should always enter all the challenges bcs your stories are wonderful, but I'm very glad you liked this. Thank you for the review! <3
first, the outrage - what kind of a mental health professional would tell someone who has depression and suicidal thoughts that they are actually okay and they are really adjusted because they are successful in hiding their feelings from those around them?!
i think this is a really interesting take on post wizarding war and post death and resurrection harry. i always seem to forget that he was only a little kid, eleven years old, when he first had to confront voldemort, and in the subsequent years things just got harder and harder for him. not to mention the fact that he had been bullied and neglected by the dursleys his whole life. then, at seventeen, he dies. and he comes back to life. after witnessing many of his friends dying or being tortured. i understand why JKR wouldn't want to explore such things in her books - after all, harry is our hero. but, the way you wrote him shows us that even heroes are, sometimes, just real people with feelings and problems.
the way you describe his mental state is really powerful and while i can't connect with harry on that level since i've never experienced something like it, i think you've done a great job at conveying the feeling in his head, his body, basically everything, making me understand how and why he feels the way he does.
kris
Author's Response:Yeahhhhhh. The answer to your question is: my former therapist.
It really is shocking to think how young they all were. And I'm glad you haven't experienced this <3
Thank you so much for the review!
Quodpot Match 2 - War
Welp I think you know I’ve been avoiding this because it’s so dark, but I just read something that rudely didn’t end in a fluffy ending, s I guess I’m ready? Lol I know it’s not on the same level. But I have really wanted to read this since you posted, so here goes.
First just gonna say that I like your creativity with the name Willow Wand Clinic
You do a good job establishing the tone in this story. Not only does it feel appropriately grave, but the style matches Harry’s state of mind well, as he is trying to focus on one thing at a time, and then as his mind panics the paragraph structure changes to match, but in both cases the sentences feel very matter of fact, making his negative thoughts seem as real as anything.
Ugh, that healer. On one hand, I can totally see myself saying that kind of thing, trying so hard just to find a positive. But I know it’s not always what people need to hear, and certainly not in this scenario.
“If he was going to read the paper, he needed to take his shoes off.” Is a very real paragraph. But of course you know that.
There are a lot of levels of feeling in the Molly passage. Most are obvious and not pleasant, and I’m just going to try to find happiness in the fact that he clearly considers her a mother figure.
This really hurts and it’s really good. <3
Sam.
Author's Response:Thank you so much for reading this! I really wasn’t expecting you to so that was a nice surprise. <3
Renee! <3 I'm reading stories nominated for the Chalices. You really do have such a range in your writing, it's so impressive. This one is heartbreaking, and feels so true to the experiences of a character with depression, in the void of feelings, and that it's such an effort just to take of his shoes and do one task. And the thoughts about suicide, gah, that's so sad but also really realistic in that he just fought in a war and watched his classmates and friends die when he wasn't even 18 yet. It makes perfect sense that Harry would struggle with PTSD and all sorts of other things after that - and it also seemed very in character that Hermione would ask him to seek help. That therapist is useless though, and it's so hard to see Harry suffering like this and not getting the help he needs. after all he has a lot of issues that were never really dealt with, going back to when he was a child, and just because he gives the appearance of coping doesn’t really mean anything – it certainly doesn’t mean he’s coping. The last line, I think, is the one that breaks my heart the most. He’s trying so hard to convince himself of it. This was so well written, Renee. Good luck in the Chalices<3
Author's Response:K R I S T I N
Thank you for this review! Did you know that your reviews are the best reviews?
I hate to think that Harry would have to struggle this way after struggling in other ways for his whole life... but like you say, it really makes sense that he would have PTSD. And I think one of the hardest things with mental health is the feeling that it's not real until it's SUPER serious and dangerous, which is why the families of many suicide victims are shocked to learn there was a mental health issue at all. People don't feel like they deserve help.
Now I'm all sad for Harry so let's say that Ginny figures out what's up with the therapist and helps him find someone better. Yes. Thank you Ginny.
love you! Renee
I originally read this as "Ninety-Two Seconds in Catelonia."
It's sad that the Healer isn't helping him. It seems like they are making him feel all the more as if he is overreacting or something. It's very in-character for Harry to feel that way, actually and hardly surprising, given the way he was treated as a child. For the first 11 years of his life, he was treated as if his feelings didn't matter and after that, he was the Chosen One, the one everybody looked up, expected to be a hero.
I really like the way he feels that Molly has real things to worry about. Again it is very in character for Harry to feel other people's problems are more important than his own. But it really won't help him to push people away like that.
Sorry to hear the unhelpful therapist is based on experience. Hope you are doing better now.
Author's Response:Thank you so much for the review, and for hosting the challenge. AND OF COURSE for awarding me 2nd place!!!! I was so excited!!!
I definitely have a better therapist now, thank you <3
xoxo Renee
Okay this was brilliant and also depressing. But depressing in a good way? Like, you did a nice job with it to make it depressing, if that makes sense. You accomplished your goal.
I like the moments of Harry mentally shouting at himself to read the paper and get his shoes. It sort of reminds me when I need to do something and am mentally shouting at myself to do it (like getting out of bed), but I don't end up actually doing it for a while. Except Harry's dealing with a whole different thing.
I really dislike that Healer. He can fake competency which means he's okay? That's stupid. I appreciate the author's note at the end about it.
I like the frequent repetition of phrases like what the healer said, read the paper, etc., which refelcts the reoccurance of the phrases within Harry's own head. Nicely done.
Yay to Hermione for seeking help for Harry! I hope she's doing okay.
Yeah, Having less than two months to repair Hogwarts is not good. But hopefully a lot of it has been done already.
Hope you place well in the challenge! You have my vote.
Author's Response:Hi Claudia!
"depressing in a good way" was pretty much my exact goal. so thank you very much for saying that! haha This was alovely review to receive, thank you so much, dear!
xoxo Renee
Hi friend!
Wow. Just...wow. This was such a heart wrenching portrayal of anxiety and depression. It was spot-on to so many of my personal experiences, which made it really difficult to read. If you too suffer from these conditions, know that you aren't alone.
The repetition in this story was so perfect to show anxiety and how it can loop and repeat and send you spiraling. Getting to the "next thing" feels so basic but so impossible. Even something as small as taking off your shoes feels like moving mountains. I love that you included that.
I also think you handled suicidal ideation respectfully and realistically. It broke my heart, but also resonated with me. And all the feelings you explored here through Harry fit so much into the canon of how I imagine the characters' post-war feelings. I'm currently working on a PTSD-Hermione story. Just getting 19-Years-Later glosses over the fact that these were kids in a war. It's devastating.
Finally, I want to note how much I appreciated your trigger warning at the beginning and your note to reach out for help and find the right professionals for you. Those are such great messages for readers and you're wonderful for including them.
Great job, Renee! You deserve all the praise for this. <3
Best,
Emily
Author's Response:Emily <3333
Thank you SO MUCH for this review! I've been really worried about this story and because of the trigger warnings some of my go-to people understandably didn't want to read it. So I'm really super grateful that you reviewed this.
I am so sorry to hear you've experienced things like this, and that it was hard to read. (You aren't alone either, many hugs!) On the flip side, I'm glad you found it realistic, and respectfu, and in-character. It really is devestating, isn't it? Those poor babies.
Thank you again, you are wonderful <33
xoxo Renee
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