FanficTalk Archive
Unleash Your Fandom
Hi Laura! I'm FINALLY here to give your latest chapter of Fish for Pearls some attention! <3
Nie Huaisang and Wen Ning *hearts in eyes* I really love how you build tension in this moment while also keep it feel super sweet and light. It's adorable, this undercurrent of attraction they feel. And I loved the whole "well I have to walk anyway because I'm patrolling," and how it was used as an excuse for them to take one together.
And then I thought it was totally cool how you use the walk as a device to get Mianmian and Yanli to start talking again. Again. The tension is palpable. The regret is real. And there's even a little bit of yearning that still exists between them. You have drummed up my emotions thoroughly with everything happening this chapter!
Ahh omgawsh! A burglary! Wei Wuixan showing up to save the day and Lan! Ahhh...I love them so much Laura! And then that ending! The THANK YOU. Ahhh...I don't know why it undid me like it did, but it totally did xD
Amazing job with this chapter! I care so much about all of these characters and I want them all to desperately get their happy endings!
<3 Courtney
mountain mystery reviewing
My favorite part of this chapter might have been Wangji's conversation with A-Qing. It felt like he was actually teasing her a little, in his way, a friendly teasing. Just dropping casually that it's his brother, and then being a little amused by her fangirling reaction. Also really cute that this 13 year old girl is able to stare him down intimidatingly. XD
Ah we all know what happened the last time Wangji drank, so... hopefully this time will go much better, whatever he's planning to do. :P
mountain mystery reviewing
The interaction between Baoshan Sanren and Wangji was wonderful, the way she understood that he harbors some trauma and she sees him maybe not just as a person but as a very lonely one, and that outweighs whatever anger she may still be feeling about his disrespect or insolence in having spoken to her about her ability to pay him. In the same way as Wuxian told Wangji that he needs to accept and respect this town as it is, I suppose people are beginning to understand the same about Wangji -- that while he can certainly do better about his own attitude towards others, his demeanor and personality are who he is, and he doesn't mean anything bad by it. They maybe see him as more snobbish than he actually is, because of his reticence and stiffness.
"I don't take live things" -- now that is something I am eager to learn more about Wuxian!!
<3
mountain mystery reviewing
I am cackling at Wuxian just showing up with a bunch of people who need a lift on Wangji's drive to Shanghai, like 'You don't mind, do you???' It is certainly the kind of thing that could help Wangji ingratiate himself with the town, but also I feel like Wuxian just likes trolling him too. :P
Wuxian seems maybe like someone who runs hot and cold? The way he was initially angry after the mic incident, but then seems only too eager to help out Wangji with stuff, get him to become a functioning part of this community -- and he seems almost happy-go-lucky in his mannerisms sometimes -- then here where he's pissed after the way Wangji spoke to his grandmother (I think it was Wuxian's grandmother?). But then he catches the meaning of what Wangji says about parents and children and softens again. I wonder if Wuxian is one of those people with whom you're either their best friend or worst enemy, except I wonder if Wuxian actually holds a grudge long enough, or whether the anger always passes relatively quickly.
Mountain mystery reviewing!
Huaisang is just delightful, and I'm so glad you've had him follow and join Wangji so that we get more of him. "It's for my heartbreak," I love him so much.
Wuxian, for all that he looked like he wanted to kill Wangji after the microphone incident, is really going out of his way to try to help him set things right. Not just telling him, "hey look, apologize because you were rude actually," but actually trying to support and help him in that endeavor (in his own particular, very forceful way) like with the snacks. He spoke such truth when he pointed out that Wangji has come to their town, and their way of life, and it's for him to become part of life there and respect it, not for him to expect them to meet his standards that have been shaped by a very different way of life.
mountain mystery reviewing!
Hi Laura! So glad to be getting back to this again, I have much to catch up on! But ohhhhh my god, this chapter is absolutely mortifying for Wangji!! (I mean, I'm sure plenty embarrassing for the people he made those comments about on the phone, as well.)
This entire town, its people, its way of life, is so different to anything he's been used to. I don't know, it just feels like a place where you can breathe more easily, from the way you describe it and its inhabitants. The guitar-playing shop owner and the former-medical-student grocery owner don't see themselves as having failed in life, I'd imagine. They're just on whatever phase of living their life. Wangji seems kind of like he looks at things as passing or failing, and I get the sense that this is not how these people see it.
Wuxian is so funny, the town's jack of all trades, with his unfurling wallet full of business cards and licenses. He reminds me of Kirk on the Gilmore Girls. XD
Hi Laura! Here again for another review to woo a monster! This time it's the Headless Horseman!
The opening was very amusing, which led me to believe that maybe this would be a chapter full of forgiveness given all the strife you set up in the previous chapter. The confusion about the two Lan's, A-Qing's fangirling, and the repetition of her being late, it was all very funny!
Ahh what a chapter! So many new(er) characters in addition to ones we have grown to love. The love triangle bit with Yanli, Jin Ling, and Mianmian brings a whole new level of heartbreak in this chapter. In the previous one, we sort of got a glimpse of it, but you really brought it to light in a way that just rips your heart out of your chest. Sometimes things just fail. It's not necessarily anyone's fault, but it happens, and in some ways that makes it even sadder.
Then the whole Wei Wuixan and Lan Wangji thing...ahhh the tension between them! Wei Wuixan recluantly helping him but still PISSED about his whole attitude at Jinxi Idol...just kiss and make up already doods!
You balanced an array of emotions quite well in this! Such a great chapter!
<3 Courtney
Oh my gawsh Laura! How do you write?! I mean seriously! Your description is just mind blowing! Like “dirt laced puddles,” is such a tactile yet poetic way of describing things. And something as simple as describing watering plants…it’s so soothing and beautiful! My dood, I am literally just IN AWE of your skill! Seriously. I need to move on to talk about other wonderful things in this chapter, but damn girl, you’re so talented.
And the interruption of Jin Ling running from how daydreamy everything feels with Mianmian and Yanli…it’s a total chef’s kiss.
Anyway, moving on, I’m attempting to woo Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde…we’ll see if I’m successful!
“It stung, deeper than she'd thought and she felt seventeen again, awkward and plain and frail, watching the boy she liked looking at another girl with diamonds in his eyes.”
^^ Such perfection! I felt that sentiment deep within my bones.
Omgawsh Laura, I always feel transported when I read this story, but I think this chapter is your best work to date. I felt like I was there, experiencing all the behind the scenes work that went into making Jinxi Idol appear on the screen. And then to get the little snippets of the acts, to see them in the striking way you describe their movements and the music and how the crowd responds…it’s perfect!
And the inclusion of these characters whom we have come to know and love from earlier chapters! Ahh…it was amazing and extremely heartfelt! I felt A-Qing’s exuberance and Lan Wangji’s anxiousness shine through in a way that totally solidified their characterization.
Ahh omgawsh though and then the exuberant feeling slowly deflates as Wei Wuixan and Lan get into it! I was not expecting an argument with these two, but you definitely built the tension up in a meaningful way! It’s so easy to misunderstand someone whenever you are so very different and have never lived as they have. And you show it so readily in this moment where they both point out things they think they know about one another, but in reality, they don’t understand the full picture just yet.
It’s frustrating but I know this will only serve as build up that will later fall away whenever they (maybe? I am hopeful ;)) get together!
An absolutely fabulous job with this chapter, Laura!
<3 Courtney
Hi Laura! Here for our review swap! <3
There's such an energy of excitement to this chapter in particular. I think it's because of the shorter sections, the multiple storylines that involve people dodging and avoiding one another for various reasons, seeing the same scenes from different POVS (the tea/coffee shop in particular), and of course, everyone coming together with the planning of Jinxi Idol. You really capture this energy in so many ways throughout the chapter, another noticeable way was the repetition of certain words in instances.
I love the juxtaposition of Nie Huaisang dodging his brother and Lan Wangji embracing his. It revealed more about their characters, but also felt very in line with who we already know them to be. You do comedy and charm and heartfelt in equal parts with such lovely precision. <3
There's also this melding of past with present, which we have seen before in this story. The way you do it, it feels seamless. This little interjection of "there was a boy who loved two sisters, but he chose the wrong one and she's back," has me all :eyes: for how that fits in. (Sorry if you've already made us aware of that and my garbage memory has forgotten). And then the bit at the end with little Wangji and his family. The loss of his mother continues to come up and we see its effect on him. As I imagine it would greatly affect anyone who had memories of a mostly happy and fulfilled childhood.
And of course, the teasing about Wei Wuixan fhufgvf7dahwuefkn :grins stupidly: Super cute moment there!
So many things are coming to a head in this story and I look forward to seeing where this goes next!
<3 Courtney
P.S. As always A+++++ descriptions. Like seriously so freaking beautiful, Laura. :hearts in eyes: forever at your ability to describe things with the best words!
Laura! I'm back for more! I'm so happy to see two chapters of it up :)
As always, your way with creating the setting is superb. There is always a clear image in my mind of what is happening in a scene when you're the writer.
Have I told you recently that I love Nie Huaisang? Because I feel like I must in every single review. He's hilarious, particularly with his "let me do all these non-work things at work." Literally this is such a mood. I think what is so loveable about him is that he does it without an ounce of care, because he does do his job effectively. And there's something so carefree about that whole concept to me.
I love that Wei Wuixan continues to be something of a mystery. And while part of the town speculates, Lan is already like protecting him and growing defensive about it in a cute, quietly romantic way. The ribbing between Lan and Nie was humorous and sweet! I really love their dynamic!
And I love this plotline with Jinxi Idol! I love where you are taking this story! I just love so many things about this story and I love that you decided to share it with us! (How many times can I say love? Am I close to the world record within reviews LOL?)
One thing I love about your writing (there I go again) is how well you show us things about these characters and their stories. It never feels like telling with you. And that is an absolute gift! It's such a joy to read whenever you're someone who likes to make inferences and figure things out over the course of the story. I am definitely one of those people. So everything I read within this story is super enjoyable. :)
And ahhh that ending! Since I'm not 100% familiar with the characters, I am not entirely sure what is happening there, but I can tell that it is meant to be a cliffhanger. And now I look forward to see what happens next with where you're taking that particular plot.
Another fabulous read, thank you for writing1
<3 Courtney
PS TAG (unless the gods have other plans ;))
As always Laura, I am absolutely blown away by your descriptions. The poetic way you describe visuals and sounds really grounds me in your story alongside your characters. Some choice moments that really stood out:
"...the sky was puffed cloudy, freckled white-and-blue when the wind whipped bobbles of cloud away from each other, and the sun filtered through in a soft, drizzling slink."
"Down the road, the argument thrummed like a bridal procession: it bounced, it swirled, it beat like a drum ba-bum ba-bum and it rang through the air, full of colours and noise and a squirming, restless bubbling. It grew, too, surging up the road, pulling heads round and out of far-flung windows to look, popping up from the edges of the canals to see, shake and dip down again."
^^ Humanizing the way clouds appear? Comparing an argument to the look and feel of a procession? Only you could do this with such poetic precision.
The lack of Wei and Lan interaction is a travesty. But I loved seeing how Lan thinks of him and knows his odd ball schedule. And how he's disappointed by their lack of interaction. It speaks volumes. But in the end, it looks like perhaps Wei might be going to rescue Lan from some bad drinking choices? Maybe it's my own stupid brain, but the texting at the end wasn't entirely clear who was speaking. I thought it was two people, but from the way some of it flowed, it seemed like more? Again, it could just be my dumb, sleep deprived brain missing key details you laid out and if that's the case, I apologize.
Just know that I love this story so much, Laura! You've created these lovely characters, or at least, placed them in this wholly unique setting of yours, because I know they belong to fandom, but ANYWAY, putting them in this world, makes them yours to an extent.
Also, I still love Huaisang to bits and pieces. Being late because he needed to make a smoothie before work LOL. What an irresponsible yet lovable human. ;)
<3 Courtney
Laura! I'm so delighted I can return to this story!
And I like that we see more Wei's life at the opening of this chapter. He seems like a hustler, in the sense that he works multiple jobs. But I am curious about the money he owes Baoshen and why that incited such a visceral reaction in her. I'm all :eyes: for that interesting plot point and cannot wait to learn more about all of that.
And then the contrast between Huaisang complaining about carrying four bottles of water after we've just read about Wei carrying bin bags up flights of stairs and then back again and also doing tedious washing...it definitely is amusing and speaks to how frivolous Huaisang is. But I still love him, in spite of these faults. He's loveable and provides a dose of humor that also contrasts with Wangji's seriousness.
"It was a shame that xiongzhang and Nie Mingjue were so fond of Huaisang. Wangji would be perfectly happy to smother him in his sleep after this."
^^ BAHAHA LAURA! LOVE THIS!
Ahh and how clever for Lan Wangji to cross paths with Baoshen Sanren to show he's becoming more apart of this city. And the dinner scene was described with such a loveliness. Again, your descriptions are just captivating and immediately make me want to become apart of the scene, Laura. It's splendid. <3
LAURA!! IT WAS INTIMATE!! OH LAURA!! I AM...I mean, I love the ways you contrive these two to get together. And I love that we get Lan's thoughts and how they go there while Wei's merely doing his duty to help him. I just. I love it all. And there's is also something increasingly intimate about sharing food and drink against the backdrop of rain and candlelight. You set this mood in such a soft and sensual manner and I am all here for it!
"You're much softer than you seem, Mr Dentist," Wei Wuxian observed, licking a strip of salt off a finger and Lan Wangji looked over his shoulder. "You seem all cold and distant - such an ice prince! - but actually you're fluffy as a panda underneath, aren't you? Soft-hearted and sweet. Are you as cuddly as one too?"
^^ EEEP OMG I AM DECEASEDD! From him licking his finger to the words he speaks I am a goner! 1,000% gone!
Laura, this was such a romantic moment even though they were merely just tea sipping and snacking. Again, all the awards for quiet, lovely romance. I am here for it!
And omgawsh for a split second Lan thinks that Wei stole his watch? But he's proven wrong? Thank goodness! But I would have been shocked if Wei actually stole the watch because like, he seems so good and earnest? Even if they are from different classes and places...I think there's a connection between them that transcends that. And you created that and it's lovely!
Another brilliantly laid out chapter!
<3 Courtney
~* 73 rising through the ranks *~
LOL Huaisang's commentary about Lan's clothes had me laughing. The mermaid wedding haha.
And then car ride to Shanghai, what an awkward experience for Lan. But absolutely delightful and amusing experience for us as the reader! I loved learning more about the people of Jinxi in this moment and thought this was another great way to "force," Lan to become more involved in his new community. Plus the "breaking bread," in the car moment added to the humor, since that sort of thing is often done as a gesture of new kinship and acceptance of that. But in this moment Lan's thrust into this scenario and you can tell he's totally not ready for it and it makes for great humor and fun.
Plus, Wuxian is adorable for knowing he's a vegetarian. (I'm not lowkey shipping them or anything. Except, I totally am LOL.)
The contrast between the chaos in the car and the elegance at this party is done up in such a masterful way. I immediately draw conclusions as to how Lan will be in this setting versus the previous one, and I have this moment of "ok here we go," as a reader that speaks to how excited I am to see what unfolds next. Because knowing you and this story, it's just bound to be exciting.
I love what you do with the conversation at the table here. We see the impact that Lan could have on the community, from his perspective, but also see the upper class POV, and that is he is wasting his time. I really like that Lan is a member of the upper class, but rejects these ideologies early on. But again, he has seen corruption by being apart of a big practice, so his knowledge and experience feels first hand. Whereas the woman at the table (great idea, not giving her a name, I think that says a lot about her), is more or less speculating based on her privilege. This happens all the time :eye rolls about those privileged people: in real life, so this exchange felt realistic. Plus, I know nothing about dentistry and how it impacts these smaller communities, so I sort of love learning more about something I previously knew nothing about? And the way you weave this into your story feels so natural.
I feel for Lan though and how he sort of now feels as though he doesn't belong in both worlds now? He's trying to be like the people at the table at the engagement party in a small town (hard relate, living in a small area, myself w/city roots) and is sort of successful among the Jinxi folk. But that's just because they aren't apart of the city folks world and so it's totally new and different to them? But when confronted with the city folk, they see he is not one of them either. It makes me sad for him and I hope as the story continues, he finds his community.
WHAT FORTUNOUS LUCK that Wuxian and Wangji are both finished with their visits early. ;) OMGAWSH the moment with the photographers! The arm touching! The "I'll get in anyone's way if they try and take your picture," and "you're pretty," STAAAHP! I am swooning for these dudes. <3 Ahhh....I wish I read this before writing my "quiet romance," blog, because they would totally fit the bill here! I might need to embark on a part two, so I can squee about these two. AND THE ANGUISH at the end of that scene. Urghh...I just. Come on Lannnn. Ok, ok, ok though. I get it. This is going to be a slow burn situation isn't it? I'm totally fine with it.
But Laura!! LAURA!! The fact that you have me freaking out about a fall and catch moment and now THIS arm touching and "I'll protect you from photographers," moment!! Pat yourself on the back, pour yourself a cup of congratulatory [your favorite drink here], because I LOVE THEM! :stitch love: Even if Lan's sort of being a snob dingus here. ;) EEEP BUT PEOPLE THINK !!! AHHH... LAURAAA. I am stupidly excited to keep going with this chapter!! :joy:
Oh no! Could the dental mishap be due to the swirling "boyfriendy," thoughts? *frantically reads onward*
OMG THE CONFRONTATION ON THE STREETS! And how they get close and are just firing words at one another and then THE ENDING! Laura! His mother! He like half admits it to Wei Wuxian and leaves crumpled and defeated and omgawshhh....the feelings I have about it. The ending of the argument lands so well and feels like a proper gut punch!
Here, the clash between city and country life is apparent again, and how it plays out differently than the earlier confrontation, I think just highlights this point you're trying to make. And again, Lannn...you just made good with the people of Jinxi and now AHHHH...I wonder what's going to happen to the practice now?! :grimace: I need to know!
This is amazingly done Laura! I am going to be need more of this, please! Especially with the way things ended with Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji! Like!!! Omgawsh my eyes are bleary thinking about these two!! I need some comfort!!
Ok, I'll stop shouting LOL. Brava with this my friend, brava!
<3 Courtney
~* 33/? rising through the ranks *~
Hi Laura! I am back to check out more of this delightful story! :)
Is it wrong for me to say bless Huaisang? Like he definitely does give off used car salesman vibes, but poor dude also appears to be very torn up about his guy getting a new gf. And the way you describe him viciously gnawing on the chocolate was totally comical and really added to the depths of his despair. But it feels like a short lived sort of anguish because he senses this opportunity for a job and immediately positions himself for it. So even though he gives off "schemer," vibes...it's almost like he's a good hearted or good natured schemer? I don't know, I just love him LOL.
As always, this world you have created is totally immersive! The way you weave poetic descriptions into tactile images makes for a lovely and distinctive writing style. I really love see all the people going about their day to day tasks in this and how Lan sees them in relationship to himself. I feel like as the chapters progress, he definitely becomes more and more immersed in Jinxi, but there is a resistance we feel about him fully immersing himself in this place. But I definitely see a growth and progression and a comfort that sort of carries on in a deeper way as each chapter progresses.
One thing that came to mind that gave me this idea is how whenever he first arrives, his cell phone plops into the river. And then in this chapter you indicate that his cell phone is secure in his pocket. It seems like a small detail to recognize, I guess? But I don't know it seemed meaningful to me that you would include it. Plus, it adds another little bit of humor to the earlier episode. :)
The rabbit was an interesting gesture, but I think it shows that no one wants it, so they're like "give it to the new guy whose kind of a snob." Lan likely sees it as a welcoming gesture, but I don't know if it wasn't intended like that or intended like a "give it to the cast off in society," type thing because he'll accept anything? Or maybe it sort of speaks to what I said earlier about him slowly integrating himself more fully into this community? Either way, I feel like it could be viewed in either way in this moment. So forgive my early morning coffee rambles LOL.
Ahh...the tension between Wei Wuixan and Lan Wanji is just lovely? Like it's tense and charged in this sensual way that is also understated and therefore, I think it's lovely. I was hoping their hands might brush and was as disappointed as Lan whenever it didn't happen hah. But THEN! Omgawsh the phone hahah! It's both funny and oof yaya for romantic catches! I am here for this and gosh that line at the end. Gosh Laura the most subtle, lovely romantic feels. I know that's an incoherent thought but it's how I felt haha!
I fall more and more in love with this story the further I get with it! You have created something joyous and beautiful here!
<3 Courtney
~* 32/? rising through the ranks *~
Reviewed for the ‘Galazy’ thingy.
I won’t repeat what I wrote on your writer’s journal, but I’m thoroughly impressed with this piece. It’s researched well (at least as far as a ‘murican can tell), and your characters are incredibly well-developed and likable – even when they’re behaving in an unlikable way.
I’m growing to love Wei Wuxian more and more with every chapter. He throws aside any pretense to social class, niceties, and any kind of ‘social filter’. He’s going way out of his way to get Wangji to fit in and be successful in Jinxi
At the same time Wangji can’t seem to get out of his own way, stuck in appearances and social status. He says exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time and doesn’t say anything at all when that’s the only thing he should do. I’ll be curious to see how this relationship changes in the chapters going forward. Is Wangji going to be left to dig himself out of whatever disaster he gets himself into next? Lord knows Nie Huaisang won’t help except to bring him a tea when his practice is falling to ruin around him.
You’ve created a wonderful story here and I hope you continue it. Let me know when you do.
-Drew
Reviewed for the ‘Galazy’ thingy
Laura, back again.
Oh, I wish that I could do half of what you do with descriptions. What I would write in four words, you pull out your writer’s brush and describe the night in sixty words of intense imagery, painting this incredibly beautiful scene of sight and sound. It sets the mood of everything that follows and brings your writing alive.
This was a really enjoyable chapter and I like how you have Wangji struggling with what his haughty attitude has caused. You do a great job of developing his character here, thinking to rely on Huaisang exclusively, and then taking on the care of the rabbit (either because he’s trying to make inroads or because he’s a sucker at heart).
I’m growing more and more interested in Wei Wuxian – which is your intent, I believe. This character who does (almost) everything for (almost) nothing, but has bizarrely taken Wangji under his wing, doing just the right thing in just the right way to help guide him. It’s intriguing and keeps me reading.
-Drew
Reviewed for the ‘Race around the Galazy’ event
Okay – My brain keeps connecting with the triads you sprinkle through. I’m trying to figure out if this is characteristic of this story or if it’s a *Laura* thing. I guess I’ll have to read another story of yours to figure it out. (up-up-up, four and four and four, quick-quick-quick, pat-pat-patter, slow-slow-slow) Don’t get me wrong – it’s not distracting, it’s just noticeable.
Again, you have the most beautiful flowing descriptions that evoke feelings of peace and comfort. You didn’t even need to tell me that the scene at the beginning of the chapter was peaceful because your descriptions did such an excellent job of it. It’s not just the scenery either. You have beautifully detailed details as well that really enhance every scene (for example describing Wangji’s smile as flickering like a lightbulb that didn’t quite fit.)
I’m intrigued by Wangji’s distinctive way of talking, leaving out the subject of sentences. It’s unique and interesting (“Looking for estate agent” or “Will need remodeling”) and really brings life and distinction to his character.
It’s fascinating to see Wangji navigate the social dynamics of his situation. As an American, social class distinctions and hierarchies seem so foreign to me. It’s clear that you’ve really done your homework in pulling this together.
-Drew
Reviewed for the ‘Race around the Galazy’ event
I’m envious of your ability to paint such flowery descriptions of the scene. Like the way you describe ‘soft sunset pinks and peach-fuzz oranges’ or the ‘patchwork kaleidoscope of silvers and blacks…” in the context. It’s like you’re describing the everyday world as art.
This was an interesting experience for Wangji – being without cash in a world without internet connections. He might as well be a beggar in the street – and essentially is one as he has to work off the cup of miserable coffee that he got by inspecting and packing crabs. That’s one of the worst jobs here in the US – often farmed out to migrant workers. I can imagine Wangji’s fall from grace to resort to this.
I liked the connections you made from him helping the boy – to getting a meal - and then the seed of a thought planted in his mind to set up his own practice in Jinxi, which becomes all the more real when his former boss gives him such an unacceptable choice to return.
-Drew
Reviewed for the ‘Race around the Galazy’ event
Hi Laura. I haven’t had the chance to review anything of yours yet and the ‘take the long way’ challenge seems a perfect excuse to dig in here.
Being (also) unfamiliar with Chinese culture, language, etc., I greatly appreciated your footnotes. The first time through, I picked up most of what those words meant from the context – so you did a good job carrying me through even with the vocab challenge.
One thing I noticed right away was the repetition that you put into the story from the very beginning with the spinning fan making black and white flashes in the room or the repeated colors: ‘white-white-white’, ‘red-red-red’. It really accentuated the visual image in a way that ‘fire-engine red’ wouldn’t. I saw this repeated throughout – even in the ‘fine fine fine’ of Nie Huaisang, forming a way to connect the whole chapter together.
The ‘morning after’ was fun to read. It was like watching ‘The Hangover’ as Wangji discovers what he did when he was black-out drunk the night before.
I also enjoyed the descriptions of him returning to Gu Lian Qiao and it being different from his childhood memories. It brought back my own memories of driving past the house where I grew up. It’s still there – it’s just different. Funny that he would value a two or three hundred dollar phone over a tens-of-thousands of dollars watch.
-Drew
Laura! I know you said you didn't mind what I read, but I am immensely enjoying this story, even if I am a bit fandom blind. I think you're doing an excellent job at telling this story in a way that those of us who are ignorant get a clear picture of these characters. And I know its a crossover of sorts, which I love and think speaks to a whole other level of creativeness that you possess. Anyway, enough rambling Courtney, let's get on with it! ;)
There is a charm and a grace to your writing that I just love. And it shines throughout this piece. The way you describe the setting is just done in these extremely vivid ways with both unique ways of describing stuff that feels poetically as well as concrete descriptive words. You balance both of these styles in a way that makes the writing uniquely yours. I just love it.
I love the flow of this chapter and how we feel Lan Wanji's tension as he attempts to settle into his new surroundings. It can be challenging, especially whenever you've spent all of your life chiefly in one place previously. And when it feels like a tighter knit community like you convey in this story, one is bound to feel like a bit of an outsider.
I loved the interactions with Wei Wuixan as well! They served as a way to slowly sort of integrate Lan into this new city. And also, there was a bit of, ahem, slight romantic tension? I mean, I don't know if you intended it, but I felt a little tickle in the pit of my stomach reading the interactions with Lan and Wei. They were very charming together, even though they're currently serving as foils to each other. I sort of love them a lot? Regardless if this turns romantic or purely platonic bromance, I get the feeling that they will continue to be good together. In some way. :)
I'm glad Lan has a brother who is always there when he needs him. I thought the inclusion of "the standing call," they have scheduled and then the one that Lan makes when he's feeling overwhelmed by large, existential ideas, does a great job at showing this special bond they share. Two very different scenarios, but they blend nicely together to tell us SO MUCH about their relationship. I'm a sucker for sibling relationships hah.
And the ending is great! The double doorbell ring had me confused as to who would be back, because surely, it wouldn't be Wie Wuixan, right? Now I'm like AHH GAWSH what has his uncle done now? Especially the quip about serving jail time...there is definitely going to be a story here, and I will be here with my popcorn to listen to it.
Another excellent chapter to this story! I am really loving everything about this! Well done! :)
<3 Courtney
Tag, Laura!!
Ok, I love how at one point you describe Lan Wangji as feeling destabilized but also grounded, like a plant that's just been re-potted; it's SUCH a clever simile! And up to that point you've shown us exactly how and why he feels that way -- it's a great chapter because of all these happenings, but when you reach this point about how he's feeling you kind of notice -- oh yeah -- this has been a WEIRD day, so eventful. And Wangji is sort of both a participant and and somewhat startled observer all at once. Putting aside his whole dropping the phone in the lake thing, then he has this run-in with these boys, serendipitously leading to Yanli learning his profession and then making the comment about how they could really use a dental practice in town, wink wink, nudge nudge. And then finding himself without means to pay for a coffee, being dressed down by a 13 year-old for it -- Wangji's just seriously having the worst day (well, maybe second worst, after the whole quitting and then being blacklisted from the dental profession, thing). And then the man from the boat taking him to earn some money to pay off the coffee, which -- packing crabs, omg, for the price of a coffee?? It's kind of funny, but then you realize, oh, actually, making some money for a place to stay the night is probably a good idea. :P
Like what a surreal day.
And you get the feeling that he's probably a bit relieved to finally leave this place where he's sort of out of his element (yet weirdly in it). But then he gets that call from Wen Ruohan and just pulls a U-ie -- the same kind of surprising impulsiveness that led him to quit in the first place. (All instigated by Ruohan, though, so y'know, it's a principled impulsiveness!)
I loved your descriptions in this chapter of the town as he's walking through it, all the goings on, it's just to die for, I had a very clear picture in my head of this town, active but not fast-paced. All these characters and personalities, like the coffee shop owner playing his guitar (I kind of died when Wangji was thinking please don't let thihs man start singing to me, because I'm the same way -- like please don't, I am mortified.)
I am so drawn in by this town and the desire to get to know its inhabitants, and to see Wangji settle in and acclimate and learn more about this mysterious boatman.
Wonderful chapter, Laura!
<3 Melanie
Helloo Laura, I'm here for the next chapter of this lovely fic :D
You describe LWJ's struggle to settle into his new place really well -- there's a real difference between visiting a place and having to live there and I think you get that across, poor LWJ :')) He's so stiff and awkward as he tries to get used to his new surroundings and deal with WWX. Admittedly WWX does seem to be popping up way too often to be real, what terrible luck for the perpetually awkward LWJ 8D
Your descriptions of the new clinic & house that LWJ found / got saddled with were such good value, there is such a strong feeling of Oh No Terrible in the way you present these images to us, I love it -- "a geometric scrawl that was blinding on first glance and hypnotising if you looked too hard" got me particularly, haha.
Aww you already know this I suspect but I do love LWJ's relationship with his brother :')) Lan Xichen is a good man, pure.... They are good brothers together. I do love that they can talk abou relatively light thigs together, but when LWJ is wracked by this existential fear of stagnation -- Lan Xichen is still the one LWJ goes to. The villagers were so well introduced as well, friendly in their own way but also clearly a kind of monolith, well used to each other & viewing LWJ as the outsider that he is. I'm so curious to see how his relationship with these people will change and grow.
The ending is such a hook haha -- Nie Huaisang what HAVE you gotten yourself into. I'm definitely looking forward to finding out XD
This was such a lovely chapter, Laura, I can't wait for your next update ?
Hi Laura! Here to spread you some joyful reviews this holiday season! (:
Lan Wanji doesn't stop for anyone, does he? That moment of him helping the boy with the lost tooth on the street was sweet. It says a lot about how seriously he takes his need to help people and how much he cares about his profession as well. Excellent job with that opening there.
And then Jinxi is in need of a dentist. Lan is looking for a job. I think this could be a perfect arrangement really. (:
"The car park was packed, a patchwork kaleidoscope of silvers and blacks and dusty blues with the occasional dull red and a single bright, garish canary yellow; next to his car, a battered Toyota strayed over the neat white lines marking the space."
I loved this description. It's so relatable too whenever you look out into a car park. I think you described this ordinary thing in such a lovely manner. You do have a habit of that.
Oh gosh, the whole misunderstanding over coffee. I was a little confused about that, but you explain it well. I thought it was interesting A-Qing automatically assumes that Lan is impersonating his famous brother for a free coffee, considering she just shows up. But perhaps it's a teenage, "I speak my mind without really thinking," thing.
I like how you have Lan working to pay off his coffee. Also, it seems like such a small cost to have to work off hah. But I think it also shows how dependent folks are on their businesses in this small town. And the fact that there weren't many patrons also shows how the café depends on paying customers. But I also think this was a way to bring the boat man and Lan together again.
I also liked the time you took to describe the room Lan's renting. You show this sort of "fall from status," for him, what with the crab handling, lack of reliable wifi or technological advanced payment methods in Jinxi, and now with this room. And of course, Ruohen is courting him again for a job...but why? :eyes: I do like the description of Lan returning back suddenly. You presented that quite nicely as a fork in the road and him turning around. But of course, you wrote it far more elegantly than that.
Lovely chapter, Laura!
<3 Courtney
Hi Laura! I’m here for arctic gifting :D
The thing that always strikes me with your writing is how AMAZING you are at writing description. You have this knack for using the rhythm of your words to create this immersive experience, so the reader feels plunged into the middle of the story. In this first chapter here, there were parts that reminded me of Dos Passos.
It sounded like home. It sounded, he thought, and the phone in his pocket felt heavier and heavier, like his mother did in his memories.
These lines here made me stop reading and think for a while, they struck me so hard.
I care about Lan Wangji immediately. The way that he calls out Wen Ruohan for practicing unethically—and in front of an audience too—makes him someone I want to know. Lan Wangji obviously likes nice things—such as that Swiss watch—but he has a strong sense of honor. When Wen Ruohan steals his patient in order to charge that patient for unnecessary treatments, and Lan Wangji accuses him publicly—I was pretty impressed. I’m not sure if Wangji was more interested in getting revenge, or in protecting other patients at that point, but either way it will be interesting to see how this all plays out. Ruohan is a powerful person, and Wangji has publicly humiliated him.
So it makes sense that Wangji heads to his hometown in order to regroup. I loved loved loved the wistful way you described his home and his mother (whom I’m assuming has passed away?).
But even here, he can’t find peace. He drops his fancy watch and phone off a bridge into the water. His bad day isn’t getting much better. At least he got his phone back.
This was a delicate and beautiful first chapter! I really enjoyed it.
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Laura!! Here for our swap. <3
I'm not familiar with either of the fandoms behind this, so I get to enjoy it basically as a piece of original fiction from my perspective, and it does indeed read very well fandom-blind so far (being a (modern?) AU probably helps that quite a bit). I feel connected with Lan Wangji and get a strong sense of his ethics and a bit of his personality so far, and he's a very likeable character and there are moments where he feels so relatable even if in general his personality is different than mine -- such as when the man on the boat offers him his phone back and Wangji is like "is it wet?" instead of thank you, lmao.
He has a very distinctive way of speaking and without coming to any conclusions about why that is, I just wanted to mention I noticed it -- it makes his character feel more vivid for it, because I feel like I can hear the inflection of his speech, and I feel like I'd probably recognize his dialogue even without tags.
Getting smashed certainly makes you do stupid and impulsive things, particularly if you don't drink typically, but even recognizing that, his drunken bender on the Dental Association website was really something else. He feels very laced-up, almost reserved in how he presents himself, a bit awkward maybe? but it takes a great deal of real feeling to do something like that, drunk or not. And we see it other places like in his interactions with Wen Ruohan where Wangji is really feeling his anger and sort of channeling it into his clenched fists.
The watch! I am fascinated. He went and bought it after all that talk of economy in the first scene. And right before losing his job, and THEN losing the watch on top of it all. It really added something to all of this. Like this symbol of success and pride that's now just a manifestation of regret.
By the way, Nie Huaisang -- "it's a coatigan" -- I am dying, what a wonderful character, her's so alive here.
Thank you so much for the swap and I'm excited to read on!
Melanie <3
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