Name: facingthenorthwind (Signed) · Date: 03 Dec 2018 05:09 AM · For: Fall

 

Hi Kaitlin! I'm here to return some of the presents the nifflers nicked from you! I know you didn't ask for reviews for yourself but PLOT TWIST I haven't left a review for you before! So it counts! (Okay so it's an author you've never read before and I have read your entry for the Prefect Challenge, but that doesn't coooount.)

 

 

This was a delightful story, even if the ending was decidedly not delightful. :( Your horror writing is impeccable, and I love how you weaved the horror into the setup at the beginning of the humour chapter so it wasn't a complete surprise in the second. I know the whole humour chapter/horror chapter thing was the challenge, but you used it so well -- the reader is expecting everything to come good in the second chapter, because it did in the first chapter, even though the beginning was similarly spooky but then it DOESN'T. The spookiest bit is definitely the Jenna turning away, because it's so unexpected and she had seemed so friendly and normal and not part of whatever shenanigans were going on?

 

 

The way you characterise Hannah is so delightfully true to the glimpses we get in the books -- her cheery attitude, her willingness to laugh at herself and her desire to own a pub in the first place, because that's like… a building block of community and that's very hufflepuff. 

 

 

Overall, I loved this Kaitlin, and I will definitely have to read more of your stuff!! 

 

Author's Response:

Hello you lovely human being. Thank you so much for this encouraging review! It really means a lot to me. ~Kaitlin

 

Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 07 May 2017 02:53 PM · For: Fall

Transferred from HPFF

 

First off, I really enjoy the chapter titles you chose for this story. They really do a good job of connecting the chapters together and differentiating the seriousness of each.

It is great to see Hannah a month in to owning the pub and evidently much more confident.

In a way, the fact that she is more confident makes her fear even more intense, which helps establish the darker tone of this chapter.

You do a great job of building the suspense here. The fact that Hannah leaves the pub after the stools and tankards fell without finding out why it had happened, and that she didn’t relay the full details to Jenna both help to build the awareness that there is something going on, and it can either be very mundane or very intense. The way that you describe the specifics of leaving her wand in her desk and entering the isolated space of the refrigerator are done in great specific detail that really helps to build the suspense.

Oh wow, the ending was so chilling! Jenna seemed so accessible and stable all throughout the story, and it was really haunting to see that cold-hearted turn of the ending moment.

I am going to choose to believe that Hannah somehow survives, since she one day becomes landlady of the Leaky Cauldron. Yes, I’ll go with that. Happy denial of your cruel story.

Overall, I think that this was a very well written story. While you are only just beginning to develop your comedy skills, your horror skills are ON POINT. Looking back, I think that it is incredibly effective how you set up the first chapter. The beginning of that chapter did have a very suspenseful feel to it, but then turned out to be very lighthearted in tone. So in this chapter, even though I knew it was meant as horror, I had the subconscious expectation that even though things started dark they would end alright. Well, way to throw that out the window. Also, Hannah’s discomfort when first in the pub in chapter one very effectively laid a subtly creepy undertone throughout the story, which really helped tie everything together and make it feel that, despite the varied levels of intensity and mood everything was leading to that final moment.

I did catch a few grammatical errors, particularly with commas and apostrophes. I will not get nit-picky about them here, but I would encourage you to look over things a bit more closely in your editing.

Thank you so much for your entry! It truly haunted and thrilled me.

A blog with challenge results will be posted soon. And THEN… I will post another humor challenge. Bwahaha.

Sam.

Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 07 May 2017 02:53 PM · For: Stumble

Tansferred from HPFF

 

I’m finally here to review for the Flip Side Fic Challenge!

I need hardly tell you how much I adore Hannah and am glad to read more stories about her.

I love the attention to detail you have here. The way you describe the jingling keys, the rising sun, and Hannah’s walk to the pub all do a fabulous job of grounding the reader in Hannah’s world, both physically and emotionally.

While your second paragraph contains a lot of necessary exposition, it does take me out of the story a bit with its long detail-packed sentences. I think this is something that I have noticed before with your writing, so I would encourage you to try to find ways to more subtly incorporate exposition into your narratives.

I really love Hannah’s excitement to become landlady. At first when you mentioned that she had worked at a law firm, I was afraid that she would see working in the service industry as a step down, but I am glad to see that she doesn’t think that way and is fallowing her passion.

It’s so weird to think of the Three Broomsticks as having been closed. I’m sure everybody is happy to have Hannah stepping up to bring in back to life.

Once I got to the part about Hannah tripping over the bar stools, I had to double check if this was the humor or horror chapter. The beginning of the story is structured in a very suspenseful way.

It does show how green Hannah is, as she does so little preparation for the re-opening of such a popular pub. Still, I am very happy to see her beginning a new life for herself and remaining optimistic despite her lack of training and preparation.

Hehe, the image of Hannah looking like a pygmy puff covered in butterbeer foam is quite amusing.

The introduction of dialogue definitely helps this feel more like comedy. I would have liked to see Hannah mess things up more before Jenna arrived – it’s always funny to see people make more and more mistakes.

The fact that Jenna’s assurance that everything is fine is followed directly by black smoke is definitely funny, especially considering Hannah’s understated “Whoops.”

Haha, she was foamy-pygmy-puff all day? XD

I can tell that you’re still not totally comfortable with writing humor, but you do have some genuinely funny moments here, and I’m really proud of you for trying something you’ve never done before. I hope you keep at it!

I’m excited to see what you do with chapter two.

Sam.

Author's Response:

Hello you lovely human being. Thank you so much for this encouraging review! It really means a lot to me. ~Kaitlin

 

Name: Ineke (Signed) · Date: 29 Apr 2017 08:24 PM · For: Stumble

Here for CTF!

 

It's obvious from everything that you have a clear view from how a kitchen in a pub or bar or any restaurant kind of thing works and even if you didn't know you work in a kitchen, the fact that you know much about it is very clear. And if you ask me, that also caused for a good feeling throughout the fic, because you absolutely knew what you were talking about and it very well showed. I think therefore it's also a very logical setting that you gave Hannah to be in, even if we already knew she'd be a landlady.

 

The fact that it's Hannah as it is is also very well done. We don't know much about her and the fact that she's so nice, laughs at her own mistakes and the fact that she's clumsy are all nice factors which make her all the more of a rounded character, and make you feel like you absolutely know her, and if you ask me, that takes certain talent.

 

Jenna is also very nice. It's a very clear boss/help role, if you get what I mean, but it's also very friendly and Jenna has a lot of patience for it all. I think they make a very good team and the way you wrote Jenna also really made it all work. All in all, I think you did a very great job setting this story up! Well done!

Author's Response:

Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!

~Kaitlin

 

Name: clairevergreen (Signed) · Date: 29 Apr 2017 08:12 PM · For: Stumble

Hey, Kaitlin! Here for CTF :)

 

So Hannah is a character that I've always had a soft spot for, but I don't think I've ever read any stories (except maybe one of yours?) that featured her as a character and I really love what you've done with her! She seems very true to what we know of her in canon (which is basically just her house...mkay, well anyway). You really give her life beyond those tiny mentions of her in the actual books, which is really nice. I like that she's really her own person and has, to me, a lot of those Hufflepuff traits that I'd expect and really appreciate seeing.

 

I also love the route that you've gone with this, making her the new owner of the Three Broomsticks (also, side note, wizarding law firms sound absolutely fascinating, I'd definitely love to hear more of it). It fits in with what we've been told she does through JK (becoming the landylady of the Leaky Cauldron) and I like that you made it so she wasn't perfectly amazing at her job right away. And you definitely did get the humor down, I was chuckling reading all about her failed attempts at running everything!

 

Oooo, I'm so intrigued to see how you make this into a horror story in the next chapter! Can I assume that it has something to do with that cold feeling she had at the beginning of this chapter? Maybe something to do with Madame Rosemerta's death? You definitely have me pulled into this even though it's so short and fluffy!

 

Great job!

Author's Response:

Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!

~Kaitlin