Name: you-make-me-wander (Signed) · Date: 18 Apr 2020 05:14 PM · For: Blue Leather

Hi, Aphoride. Here for BvB's Blue Team!

I am surrender to your writing! The poetry you weaved into the story is out of this world, it reads so effortlessly, and your rendition of Albus' feelings truly is poetic, I absolutely loved it. The way you used the senses to guide the prose is a skill awfully hard to achieve but you aced it :)

While light is a motif throughout the story (also worthy of note, your descriptions are amazing oh my god), I particularly liked how the plot seems "full" of light when there's the darkness lurking during its entirety, and almost balancing the light in a way at the end.

Now that ending was so surprising and unexpected, I did not see it coming at all. While reading the story it felt like there was something a bit off or out of place but I couldn't exactly tell what, but the vampirism really snuck up on me. In any case, the ending scene has a... I'm gonna go with poetic again because honestly, I feel as though you've made prose poetic here, so the ending scene is poetic and this beauty in its simplicity and innocence, even if it's rather tragic.

This was a great read. I'll definitely be back for more of your writing!

Susana

Author's Response:

Hey - thank you so much for stopping by! :) 

 

Ahhh thank you so much! This is a super old story, haha, from wow, something like almost ten years ago, and it's one where I first kinda felt like I'd settled on something even remotely like a style, yk? So I'm still really fond of it - it's a got a soft spot just for it, haha. It was so much fun to write, too, with all the description and the benefit of ambiguity meaning it could perhaps be a bit more flowery than it would otherwise have been :P 

 

I loved the light motif - and yk, I liked the idea of vampires in light: there was some ironic about it which appealed to me, since vampires are so commonly afraid of or killed by light, especially sunlight, so it was fun to play with that making light such a big thing and such an aesthetic thing for Albus :) 

 

Ahaha - I'm glad, I'm glad! :P I really tried with it to make the twist unobvious - I hoped that people would be thrown off and maybe think of Hyperion perhaps as the vampire, if they thought anyone was at all, which would make the ending still a twist then? And ahhh that last scene was so much fun to write: there's something fairytale-esque about the bower and flowers and it's super romantic, but it is definitely tragic too, because it's a sort of rebirth, rather than 'just sleeping', yk? 

 

Thank you so so much for the review - I'm so glad you liked it! :) 

 

Laura xx

 

For the sandcastle building HC finale 2020

Name: MadiMalfoy (Signed) · Date: 19 Aug 2019 03:46 AM · For: Blue Leather

Hey Laura! I’m here with one of your belated Prefect’s spring writing challenge prize reviews! :) 

 

I feel like I say this every time I read one of your stories, but I’m going to say it again anyway -- your descriptions are just STUNNING and the imagery you evoke with all of your words is absolutely beautiful! You convey a strong passage of time even without putting in direct time/scene breaks, which is a skill, in my opinion, that can be very challenging to master and do well consistently. Telling Albus & Hyperion’s story through primarily touch and sight makes it even more emotionally compelling, especially as you have such minimal dialogue. The dialogue you do have though is very important and I think you do a great job of doing the 90/10 narration/dialogue format that some people can struggle with because you really have to pick where you want your dialogue to emphasize the right thing. Also, can we just talk about the repeated light motif?? Because dang did you use it well!! I would like to try to describe my surprise at the ending, but it would ultimately just be a keyboard smash, so I won’t :P Honestly though, what a way to end it, and even though you mention in your author’s note that this is different to what your usual writing is, but honestly I can’t believe you’ve not written something like this before because it seems so effortless! What a great one-shot about Albus Severus that also pulls in an aspect at the end that you don’t put in the story shell (clever ;) ) and then the way Albus sees some things earlier in the story make sense. Great job with this, Laura!! :) 

 

~Madi

Author's Response:

Hey Madi! :) Thank you so much for dropping by! :) 

 

Ahhh thank you so much! <3 It's so so lovely of you to say! This was one of the first stories where I think I actually got something vaguely resembling a balance between description and action - where I didn't stray into the dangers of purple prose, haha - so it's always something I still have a bit of a soft spot for, yk? So it's always great to hear that other people like it too. Honestly, I never feel very good at time? I have a tendency to forget about it and to avoid any hard markers of time - which is why no one in my stories ever has a birthday :P - so I'm not really sure what to say in response <3 

 

I really liked using touch and sight - and light - in this. It was fun to kind of not use to many senses, in a way, to and focus on ones which I could develop and repeat throughout the story - though it's been long enough I couldn't even guess whether it was intentional or not :P The light motif was deliberate, haha, I remember that much: I really wanted to kinda evoke that sort of mythical sense - with the Greek myths and all those legends - and light is so often used in those. It was fun to write too: working out how I could describe light in a new way, or a different kind of light to make it seem different from the others. It was a challenge :) 

 

Hahaha, thanks for that :P Yeah, this and Romeo In Ivory were my first real delves into something a bit darker and a bit more dark/horror than anything else, which was fun but scary at the same time, because it was so new to me. I knew from the beginning how I wanted it to end: that ending image was always in my head and I started to get impatient about getting to it when writing tbh :P (Ahhh I couldn't possibly put it in the story shell - that would give it away :P) I really, really wanted the twist to be a surprise - and, honestly, I'm always so bad about telling what is too subtle or not, so I'm just so so glad it works! 

 

Thank you so much for the lovely review - it was such a wonderful thing to get! :) 

 

Laura xx

Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 03 Sep 2017 05:15 PM · For: Blue Leather

Hi Aph! Okay, so, I was about to dive right back into L'optimisme because I've gotten so embarrassingly far behind on it, but then I decided to check out one of your other pieces. Had no idea what I was walking into with this one but I'm so glad I chose it!

 

Even from the very beginning, there's this underlying sense that something about the narrator is... off. His consuming obsession with this golden stranger is a bit of a red flag, but I didn't really know what tp expect. It's so beautiful, but in this twisted, dark way in which you don't really know whether the narrator is a protagonist or an antagonist. I love it. :P

 

The moon tangles in his hair -- how do you do this witchcraft. No, seriously. I'm sure I say this EVERY time I review anything of yours but your descriptions are to die for. (Pun sort of intended?) And I just love the way you used the theme of light in this fic and how every time Hyperion is mentioned, he's compared to the moon, sun, stars, gold, silver, or fog. And the way the theme of light colours the entire fic is just breathtaking. The mythological references also fit like a glove.

 

So, that plot twist caught me 100% by surprise. I was just too absorbed in the story to predict anything about it. I thought the reveal that the narrator was Albus was  enough of a surprise that I had no idea there was another revelation on its way. And him being a vampire sort of... makes sense. Like it lends context to all the mythological references and his obsession with Hyperion. And the thing that gets me is you hinted at it all along, but it was so subtle that I didn't pick it up. This: I am lucky beyond life. -- is the most clever sentence ever.

 

It's also really interesting how Hyperion is described as being otherworldly and so pale and with cold hands and basically descriptors that you usually use for vampires, whereas Albus, the one who actually is a vampire, is describing the very British weather and wanting true love and thinking  about the loneliness of his namesakes. It's almost like you've reversed the imagery of humans and vampires in this! It makes the final plot twist even more of a surprise because if vampires had even crossed my mind before, I don't know that I'd pinpoint it as Albus right away.

 

That last scene is so powerful, too, after the punch of the plot twist and then just the image of Hyperion lying there in the flowers, the way something so dark is portrayed in such a beautiful way.

 

CC: I have none. This is flawless.

I did find one typo, though: until something catches me eye -- unless he is a pirate, I think that should say 'my' ;)

 

 

AMAZING story. Thanks so much for the swap! ♥

Author's Response:

Hey Kristin - thanks so much for stopping by! :) 

 

Ahhh I'm so glad! I wanted it to feel a bit romantic but a bit oddly romantic, if that makes sense? So I'm so so glad you caught that and it seemed to work! Yesss the obsession thing was a bit because I wanted to kind of evoke that whole kind of obsessive, adoring kind of love that a lot of stories have and portray as normal or right, yk, and it's something which is a bit freaky and a bit much, because it's hugely obsessive and, as you say, consuming. (though consuming is also a good word to use to describe his adoration, haha, all things considered :P) I really, really wanted to keep the main character secret as long as possible and wanted it to be a bit of a surprise when people found out, so I tried to make it very neutral(ish)? And very kind of hard to pin down :) 

 

Ahhhhh thank you so so much! :) This was one of my first stories where I kinda worked out how to balance description and action/dialogue/everything else, haha, so it means a lot to say that <3 While description is something I've always loved writing and which has always come fairly easily to me, it's hard to get that balance of things and it took me a long, long time to get it right (or, at least, not terrible). I really liked using light as a theme - I don't usually talk much about light but it felt right here and it was really fun to do, thinking about how it refracts and all the different colours and gleaming metals and things. 

 

YES :D Haha, I'm so happy it caught someone lol :P And yeah, I tried to hold them back as much as possible, because I'm not normally very good at plot twists and things like that - mysteries and elements and how and when to reveal them and how much to hint and how little to hint - and so I inevitably end up revealing too much too soon or giving nothing away and it not making sense. So I'm so glad to see it kinda worked :) Yesss I did try to hint at it, but not too much - I didn't want it to be too obvious, and I was hoping there might be a bit of a red herring :P 

 

Yeah, that was intentional :P I was hoping people would assume it was Hyperion - who's just a bit old fashioned and things, rather than anything else - rather than suspecting it might be Albus, and that people might think the twist would be Hyperion killing Albus or something similar :P I really wanted to kind of have a vampire who isn't traditionally vampiric - because not all of them would be obvious, yk, and not all of them would have 'ordinary' vampire traits - in the same way as people have so many different traits and things. 

 

Ahhh thank you so much! It was a scene I had in my mind from the beginning: the flowers all around the bed and the body, still and quiet and growing cold, and Albus waiting, still so enraptured and now feeling successful, because he has the boy he loves (or he thinks he does). I wanted it to appear kinda romantic, yk, and a bit soft, but it's super dark because, yk, he's dead :P 

 

Thank you so so much for the wonderful review - it was so so lovely to get! :) 

 

Laura xx

Name: AbraxanUnicorn (Signed) · Date: 11 Feb 2017 02:10 PM · For: Blue Leather

Hello, I'm here for BvB.

Oh. My. Word.

I was NOT expecting this to end the way it did. What a very clever piece of work; seeking and stalking and romancing and then - wham. I feel like this story has seduced me; drawing me in, captivating me, then killing me at the end. At first, I wasn't sure whether the narrator was Albus the first or the second, but it added to the mystique to have to read on and find out. What an enigmatic character he is here.

As all of your work, it is stunningly written and full of the most beautiful descriptions that hit all five senses. All your scenes are so vivid and I feel as though I'm actually there.

Just wow.

Brax X

Author's Response:

Hi Brax! :) 

 

Ahhh thank so much for stopping by and for your response! This is actually a really old one-shot, haha, but it means a lot to me: it's a one-shot I loved writing so much and had so much fun writing so I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I wanted to do a vampire story for a while before this, and I always loved the kind of creepy, dangerous-type romance so stereotypical of vampire stories, so I really wanted to get some of that feeling into it, you know?

 

I originally didn't intend to keep the narrator's identity a secret, but it just happened that way when I wrote the beginning, and as it went on, it never seemed to be the right time to reveal it so I kept it until the end :P So it wasn't exactly intentional, haha, but I'm glad you thought it worked and enjoyed it all the same! 

 

Thank you so much! This was one of the first things I wrote which had this kind of description in, I think, so it's so lovely to hear that. 

 

Ahhh thank you so much for the lovely review! :) 

 

Aph xx