Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 17 Aug 2018 07:20 PM · For: Chapter 1

Quodpot - Round 3

 

Okay, here I am, tentatively reading another story by you about a Ravenclaw. I’m trusting that Luna won’t end up the way your last character did.

 

Ooh, I really like that line about the eye not being able to see through darkness to the light and vice versa.

 

Your writing is incredibly poetic, but not in an irrelevant or flowery way - every beautiful line plays a vital role in supporting the narrative. That said, there were a few parts that could use a light edit for grammar.

 

If the worst Luna’s bullies can come up with is “no-shoes,” they need to find new hobby.

 

Aww, this is after the war? I assumed it was when Luna was younger. It’s sad (/stupid) that people still bully her after all that she did.

 

I like the thought that Luna isn’t any more inwardly unusual than anyone else.

 

The recounting of how Luna survived her trauma is very sad for me, but I’m glad she’s so strong.

 

I also really like the line that Luna’s imagination “didn’t feel the need to chatter to itself.”

 

This read a little less like a typical story, and more like a very light inner monologue. Like we didn’t even get a lot of Luna’s thoughts, just a handful, but that scarcity itself helped to reinforce the idea of the serenity of Luna’s mind.

 

I’m glad that after everything Luna has been through, she can find such inner peace.

 

The title is also very interesting and appropriate.

 

(did you make the banner? It’s very pretty)

 

Sam.