Name: abhorsen (Signed) · Date: 27 Jun 2017 06:12 AM · For: A Kidnapping

Wow. Yeah, these people really could use a reality check, unless they’re just using this “revenge on the purebloods” as a smokescreen for another motivation. Ernie is so far from an enemy to the Muggleborns and halfbloods that this actually offends me on his behalf.

 

But I think people who kidnap small children and threaten people who haven’t done anything probably aren’t usually the most reasonable, and there are certainly plenty of people in the world who do things that I will never be able to understand.

 

What I’m still not clear about is what they want, which I like - you’re definitely unravelling this story little by little, which is cool (though a little maddening, since it’s not all up yet!). I mean, why kidnap Lydia, Max, and Cara if they were just going to go after Ernie immediately anyway? And if they don’t want the Aurors involved, why on earth would they cover his yard red and and write “Atonement Is Coming” on his door? Ernie wouldn’t need to tell the Aurors anything at this point - they’re not blind, and it seems likely that someone will notice this!

 

This is all so intriguing - I feel like we haven’t even scratched the surface of what these people really want, yet.

 

One tiny thing, though: at the beginning of the chapter, you say that Ernie is careful not to wake Lydia when he gets up... but when he gets downstairs, she’s there feeding their kids. I know that there’s a shower in between his getting up and going downstairs, but even so, showers usually don’t take very long, and for her to go from fast asleep to feeding their kids seemed a little quick.

 

That aside, though, this was wonderful, and I really wish there was more to read!

Name: abhorsen (Signed) · Date: 27 Jun 2017 06:11 AM · For: A Letter

Hey, here for our swap! I’m not sure how much time I’m going to have, but both this and Atonement Is Coming look super intriguing, so hopefully I’ll be able to get caught up on both. :P

 

I really enjoy that you opened this story with Ernie MacMillan getting a threatening letter. In the books, we saw that not all purebloods or pureblood families are created equal, and we know that Ernie is accepting and actively invested in equal rights for Muggleborns - since, you know, as he says, he was on the right side in the war. It makes it clear that what we’re dealing with here is probably essentially a hate crime rather than simple revenge (whatever the letter writer wants to believe).

 

I also thought that you did an excellent job of working a lot of little details into the narrative rather than leaving them either unclear or explicitly stating them in an awkward way. Ernie is married and has multiple children, which means it’s probably safe to say that the war has been over for awhile - I’m thinking that either one of the trials for the Death Eaters was super prolonged or they had to be hunted down after Voldemort fell because they fled. It’s a really nice touch, and it also makes me wonder about why people looking for revenge on all purebloods, any purebloods... well, are choosing now.

 

I also think the war has probably been over, actually, because Ernie’s making some choices that I think could really come back to haunt him. I can see that happening if he’s lapsed into a sense of security (not sure whether I’d call it false, but it’s definitely not honed) that I don’t think would have happened with the war still at the forefront of his mind. While I wanted to leap through the screen and into the story to yell at him, I can totally see why he’d feel like this, and you made this reaction make a lot of sense.

 

You also really left me wondering whether that shadow was indeed a cat. In a movie, it would definitely not be a cat, but in real life, sometimes your eyes and ears really do just play tricks on you when you’re afraid... so basically, I need to read on immediately, because I need to know!

 

This is really intriguing - amazing job! I can’t wait to read the next chapter! (So I’m going to go do that. Now. :P)

Name: Ineke (Signed) · Date: 29 Apr 2017 09:26 PM · For: A Letter

Here for CTF!

 

This is a very interesting start to a story. I love the fact that you made it a multi-chapter one because it seriously did not seem done at the end of it, and the fact that there is actually more made me smile. But then there was also the little notes about Ernie which made me smile too, because him powering through the night made me think about him revising for his owls so much that it made it all seem all the more real and that he did not particularly shed that habit just yet. Also the fact that his wife eventually comes to collect him for bed was also very nice, and I wonder how he was able to sleep after that letter and the fact that somethign was moving across his lawn. I would be absolutely terrified, but then again, he did see more than the general person did so maybe his bravery and being able to sleep can be chalked up to that in some kind of effect. And maybe it's also the fact that he worked through the night that helped a bit. All in all this was a very nice story and I really need to get back to it for more because I need to see more of this.

Author's Response:

Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!

~Kaitlin

 

Name: dirigibleplums (Signed) · Date: 29 Apr 2017 09:17 PM · For: A Letter

Hello again, Kaitlin!

 

You know, one thing I've always admired about you has been your ability to write any and every character. It honestly blows my mind because I don't understand how you manage to do it. Like Ernie, for example. I don't think I'd ever be able to write him and do him justice just because I wouldn't be able to mould him properly as a character - but that's not the case with you, is it? 😜 You've managed to shape Ernie Macmillan as someone who is more than a pompous boy who put far too much stock in hearsay and reputation (ref.: Chamber of Secrets as well as Order of the Phoenix where he very loudly compares his revision to everyone else's - nine hours, indeed!). Here, he is a concerned father, a loving husband and an apothecary owner.

 

Although, I do have to say that he is a bit naive here! If I had suffered through a war, I expect I'd be really paranoid if I got a letter like that and would crack instantly if my partner questioned what was wrong. But I do get it, I do. Ernie doesn't want to admit that someone might be out to get him and his family. Who would? The days of the war are long behind them and the world is moving on. Thinking that someone's threatening you is just beyond awful, especially when you're a parent.

Still, the second I saw a shadow in the garden after such a note, I'd be whipping out my wand so fast, I'd nearly snap my wrist.

Part of me is just yelling at Ernie for not being on his guard. Gosh, Kaitlin, you really know how to keep a girl on the edge of her seat! I don't know who the hell these people are or what they'd possibly want with Ernie Macmillan but they need to STAY AWAY, okay?

Plums xo

Author's Response:

Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!

~Kaitlin