Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 17 Aug 2018 10:40 PM · For: In Flight

Quodpot -- match 3

 

Lol so you open this chapter by saying it’s obvious that they got together, but honestly, I came into this with no idea whether or not they would, as the romance throughout this story has been tinted with a healthy helping of angst.

 

One thing that I keep forgetting to mention in my reviews is your characterization of Teddy. It’s quite unique to what I normally see. He is much more mellow than I am used to reading, and it’s an interesting change.

 

I find it interesting how, although you have before, in this chapter you don’t say Victoire’s name. It’s just “she” and in a way that carries more emotional power, in kind of a “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” way.

 

This ended in a very sweet and heartwarming way. These two have been through a lot of angst, so it’s kind of nice to see things worked out so easily between them. I imagine their future will have quite a bit of angst of its own, but for now this is good. I really liked the little descriptions of them enjoying storms and picnics and the cliffs.

 

Oh, and ending with one more callback to his eyes, as in the first two chapters!

 

Lovely work!

 

Sam

Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 17 Aug 2018 10:30 PM · For: The Fall

Quodpot -  match 3

 

Once again, you start off building on a theme established in the previous chapter. It occurs to me that you could’ve strung these chapters together into one long (or I suppose in some peoples’ book, normal length) chapter, but I really like this method of small focused chapters. It allows each moment to feel focal, and each new chapter feels like peeling back a layer.

 

I’m not sure I’m doing to good of a job at keeping the timeline of this story straight, but this chapter helps clarify things a bit.

 

That is indeed a significant distinction, between being happy and being content.

 

A couple times so far you’ve referenced how the problem with Teddy and Victoire was the he was doing what he thought he was supposed to be doing. This makes me wonder what would be fundamentally different with Rose. I get that she falls into the”you shouldn’t do that” category by being related to his jilted fiance, but I wonder if there’s more to it. Beyond that, what would really be different?

 

I like the prevalence of muggle culture - muggle movie night, muggle christmas presents. It’s cute.

 

Your narration at the end of this chapter is extra strong, really highlighting the contrary conflicts they face.

 

Sam.

Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 17 Aug 2018 10:01 PM · For: Teetering Over

Quodpot - Match 3

 

There are a lot of great shoutbacks to the first chapter here. Notably the reference to running at the end of both chapters, but also the contemplation of his eyes. I really appreciate that kind of writing, with short chapters where everything is very deliberate and meaningful. It also makes me glad that I have the opportunity to read all these chapters at the same time, so that I can catch all those little references.

 

I think my favorite line in this chapter is “He gave up on the running before I did, and so I jogged impatient circles around him before settling into a walk.”

 

One issues with short chapters, which I think you have a bit here, is that it’s hard to show instead of tell. This stands up to me when you make references to them as being an f-ed up pair, but beyond that I don’t really see or  feel that as well as I do some other things you show.

 

I can’t help but laugh a little that he says one of the issues he had with Victoire was that she was hard to talk to, when just a moment before Rose was saying how she rarely hears his voice.

 

Sam.

Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 17 Aug 2018 09:19 PM · For: On the Brink

Quodpot - Match 3

 

I genuinely can’t tell from the story summary whether this will be a romance story, or more of a romance crumbling story… Let’s find out, shall we.

 

Wow, I love your whole description of drunk brain vs. sober brain and the toop hat imagery XD I’m sure a lot of people can relate to that.

 

Beyond that, your description is once again very lovely, and does a good jo of setting up both setting and characterization.

 

I’m not sure if this is deliberate, but I’m pretty confused about who the characters are in this. All I have to go on is that the story summary said Teddy/Rose. I assumed that the main character was Teddy, since they talk about their sober brain self as male, but then the romantic interest seems to be a guy, so maybe it’s from Rose’s perspective after all. If so, whose is the engagement party? Teddy and Victoire’s perhaps? It is pretty confusing, but I imagine that the omission of all character names from this chapter was deliberate. I’m curious as to the reason, and wonderin if that will become clear in the next chapter.

 

You did a good job in this chapter of establishing the tone and balancing a hint of romance with heavy angst. It’s all very emotionally foreboding so far!

 

Sam.