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Seeing this downward spiral in Lys is really upsetting. Especially at the expense of CHRISTMAS
There are so many self-destructive overly independent kids in this story it hurts. Well, maybe that is just teenagers and can't really be blamed on the school. And realistically, it is probably because it's what you as a writer relate to... Well, it's also what I as a reader relate to, and it hits home.
I wonder from Essie's comment about Anna about where she is in her journey. She is advocating seeking help via emotional pickaxe, which is certainly different from how she felt before, but I'm not going to go as far as to assume she somehow got all healed while we weren't looking.
No, Lys, don't hide your feelings! Put the Christmas away and go back to being miserable! Darn. I wasn't prepared to be so tortured by this story.
NO, AUGUST NO! NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO STOP BEING EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN YOUR STUDENTS' WELL BEING! A TORTURED KID IS TALKING TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE HE FEELS HE CAN CONNECT TO AND YOU CANNOT TURN HIM AWAY. OH, YOU TURNED HIM AWAY? ON YOUR OWN HEAD BE IT
My feelings got kind of loud there.
But the important thing is that Lys got it into his head that he wanted to talk to somebody, and followed through by going to Lucy and I really respect him for that.
Oh wow, Lucy really hit the nail on the head there. I hadn't quite put my finger on it, but of course it did seem unusual for Lys to get preoccupied by something so small compared to what women deal with all the time. Wow. And that really doesn't invalidated his experience, but it does give it a larger context. And a whole lot of people who can relate to him!
I would be so down to read a fic of Lucy on trial for murder.
Again, I am so thankful that Lys found someone to talk to who told him what he needed to hear.
Sam.
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I am in full support of the Annual United Kingdom Magical Schools Leadership Conference. The Annual United Kingdom Magical Schools Leadership Conference is the most important event of the year. The Annual United Kingdom Magical Schools Leadership Conference should happen every day. Or at least the Leebs and Neville hanging out and drinking part.
You have definitely managed to include quite a few more canon characters than I had expected to find in this story, and you do it in a very smooth and natural way that I really appreciate.
Way to drop the pleasantries, Neville. I applaud you.
The tidbit about McGonagall really got me. She's been such a wonderful teacher for so long, and it makes me really sad to hear that her career ended in tragedy, though I have respect for her saying enough is enough.
Aw, poor Leopold. It makes it even sadder that he has trapped himself in guilt over an accident that happened when he was a kid, though I don't know how I would be able to get over that.
I really like Neville as Headmaster. He is such a perfect man for the job. He isn't too ambitious or preoccupied with ceremony, but he has just enough compassion and belief in what he does.
The end of the chapter really stands out compared to the structure of your other chapters. It is rare for you to have such large blocks of text, especially anywhere but the beginning of a chapter, and it is a bit jarring. Also, I totally read it as an aside, and didn't realize that it was supposed to be information that Leebs was ranting. I think it would have worked better to condense it into actual dialogue, perhaps with increasing evidence of intoxication.
This was a truly great line: "she often found herself wanting to smash Pat and August’s heads together and see if it resulted in a teacher who knew his boundaries while still making himself attentive to students’ needs." But I'm not sure the math really works.
Sam.
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I can definitely understand how August could become so strongly invested in his students. Haversham's is not necessarily the kind of school the his University education prepared him for. With the strong emphasis they put on individual students' needs and well being, it can seem contradictory to emotionally separate himself from the needs o his students. Also, with such a small student body the bonds he makes with students must seem even stronger.
AMEN for August's rant about the damage parents do to their children in the name of what's best for them!
I'm really proud of Lucy for talking to August about wanting to introduce an alcohol education program. As jaded as she may be, the fact that she's trying to protect people, both in the present and the future, says a lot about her. I certainly can't consider her a failure, and I think that will become even more abundantly clear as time passes.
I really appreciate the priority Haversham's places on safe spaces. The sad truth is that in most spaces August's comment wouldn't have the consequences that it does here.
I was also a little surprised that Lys reacted as strongly as he did. He seems like the kind to shake things off that bother him, and the fact that he does not do that here shows that this incident had a much stronger effect on him than he has been pretending up to this point.
Oh wow, I wasn't expecting things to get that dark at the end.
Sam.
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I'm glad that we see more Lucy right away, as I can't help but be curious about her. I definitely relate to her stubbornness to want to make it on her own, and I respect her for that. She considers herself the least successful, but I think that she is doing better for herself than living at home and taking a job her family gave her, though she might feel that way. Especially when her job involves dealing with racist dirtbags, not including the customers.
I have experience in various service industry jobs, and I definitely that you didn't idealize working for a wealthier clientele, because all the ick.
I think that Lucy is an interesting combination of protective and jaded here, and you do a good job of showing that. Her actions are generally compassionate, but we see from her internal monologue that she's not fully in that place mentally.
I'll drink to getting wizarding schools proper safe alcohol/substance training. And yes, Lucy would be a great teacher.
Eggs bene! Okay, so I'm tired and hungry. But free eggs bene sounds REALLY good.
You cannot lie to Percy, Lucy. You CANNOT lie to Percy.
I thank you for giving me more Percy because my little heart loves his stupid face, but if he's going to go off about how disciplining children is more important than teaching them to make safe and educated choices... Nope, he's doing it.
I really like the way that you bring up education and discrimination issues that are not often discussed in fan fiction (or, you know, the world), but that doesn't mean I don't get really very aggressively angry at the characters who perpetuate the negative side of these issues.
I am glad that Lucy has found a way (in a heated moment) to channel her frustrations into helping and protecting somebody who needs it.
But low blow, Lucy, low blow...
Sam.
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Okay, back to mopey Lys. I'm not really making fun of him. Actually, I like this side of his character. He puts on a very jovial exterior, but it is very easy to understand how for someone like him, having so few peers, and all of them having bigger things to focus on, can be very discouraging.
While the Ministry may in fact not be for him, I wish he didn't write it off based entirely off of Leopold. There are a lot of different kinds of work in the Ministry, and Leopold isn't exactly the cream of the crop.
Thank goodness he's found an alternative bright future in sneaking out and getting drunk.
I did notice a handful of grammatical issues in this chapter, whereas I have been impressed how minimal they have been throughout most of the story.
Well, so this chapter turned out to be mostly depressing. You win some you lose some, I guess.
I was glad to see Lucy. I like her even cleaning up Lys and working in a dive bar. I wonder if the fact that her dad is Leopold's boss will be at all relevant.
Well, here's to hoping that things will get better soon, but I'm not holding my breath.
Sam.
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It's getting late and I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish this full story today, but I'm going to keep going as long as I can!
While your opening line to this chapter is fun and engaging, it was a bit confusing that we did not know who was speaking until the third line of the chapter.
This idea that Leopold has fixed idea in his mind of the moment that his life changed for the worse is interesting. Like Essie, I just assumed he was a bit of a geezer, and had never been very distinctive, so had ended up with an undistinctive life. I'm interested to learn more though.
As far as we've seen, this is the first time that the professors have reached out to Leopold in a social way, and I honestly can't help but wonder if they have ulterior motives. Leopold doesn't seem to suspect so, but then again he doesn't seem to suspect much.
I like “Potter, good choice, good choice – the only choice, really" because it feels like a subtle Chosen One reference. Not sure if that was deliberate or not.
I was kind of confused by the break midway through this chapter. Leopold seemed to be continuing drinks with the staff, or was it on a different day?
I'm sure it's quite surprising to Leopold both that Hester sad that she could see Leopold as an auror and how quickly the others jumped on board, encouraging him to pursue his NEWT. Of course, alcohol makes everyone optimistic, but I'm sure this still made a powerful impression on him. It definitely speaks to the difference of Hogwarts' focus on protocol, and Haversham's on student potential.
Oh my goodness. Leopold, you are way too obsessed with telling people you were a Gryffindor.
I continue to be more interested in the other students than Leopold, but if Leopold's future is a choice between following his dreams and ruining the dreams of those at this school, then he can chase his NEWT as far as he likes.
Sam.
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"The problem... was that it was [-] hard." Yes. Accurate truth statement.
Oh wait, so Essie had to take OWLs after just one year of training? That's... wow.
It is also very clear to see how much Essie is motivated by her own pride, and not wanting to prove her mom (and my extension herself) wrong. Even if it as really unhealthy effects on her. This is really sad to read, because while she may be smart and capable, she hasn't developed the emotional and mental tools to deal with these stressors. ADULTS! Pay attention to your students!
Was there a reference earlier to Essie being Daphne's daughter? If so, I missed it.
I really like the idea that Luna is more famous than Rolf. Even though before Scamander was a respected name and Lovegood quite the opposite, it is nice to see the tables turning.
As much as I groan about the inattentiveness of the adults, the truth is that if they knew how much Essie was struggling, they may be able to help her in ways that wouldn't humiliate her as much as setting her back a year(s), but she's too proud to be open to that possibility.
I really appreciate how you handled the eating disorder element here. It really made sense how Essie was developing this behavior, and how she was totally unaware of it because it didn't match what her idea of an eating disorder was. At least she had an observant adult around on this front.
And yes, in the face of all of her fear that telling a teacher she was struggling would get her said back, here is a teacher in fact telling her the opposite. I hope she learns from this, but I'm not sure how much she will.
Sam.
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I really feel for Dave here. What started out as a tiny little thing has really exploded, and the stakes have really grown for him, Lorcan, and the school. That's a lot for a kid to deal with, especially an outsider in this world who is still discovering his sexuality.
On the other hand, I am really glad to be finally meeting Claire.
I can't believe that their parents hadn't told Claire that, you know, her brother had been missing, and maybe his school disappearing? Ugh. Part of me hoped that it was a misunderstanding, and hat once he was gone they wished they had reacted differently, but now I just want to give them a good long glare (not very threatening, I know, but I'm going for a nonviolence thing here)
It really says something that Claire thought that this could happen (both one of them coming out, and her parents reacting the way they did).
“Well, now, I’ve got nothing against the homosexuals, but -" Imma stop you right there, Mr Langley, and let you know that I'm not going to forgive you. Good? Continue.
Oh, great. Let's drizzle some promise of AIDS as punishment onto that homophobia.
The last couple of lines were very poignant and well structured. Okay, I lost track of who was talking once. But I think that's because I'm hungry and distracted...
Another fabulous chapter!
Sam.
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We haven't found out much about the first time Dave and Lorcan had sex, but I just love that we're seeing here hat he looked up the legality.
Lys and gentlemen! This story never lets me down
I like your description of the apparition test. It'd not something we have many canon details about (to my knowledge) but your version is very believable.
It was nice seeing a bit of Luna and Rolf, but I have to say that they their personalities didn't seem to shine as much as other characters have, despite the short amount of page time they have. It kind of felt like they were mostly there for family filler and to say backgroundy words.
This chapter was a bit of a nice diversion. It definitely had some coming of age components, with the birthdays, test, and even Lorcan's continued effort to learn that Dave's parents' actions are not his fault. It was a bit of a nice break, but things are feeling a bit too peaceful, so I'm bracing myself for something bad to happen soon.
It doesn't have to happen though! I'm perfectly satisfied with banter and cuteness.
Sam.
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Haha, the apparition-eligibility of the sixth years is hilarious
We haven't seen too much of Lys and Lorcan together, and although this is in a class situation with two other adults, it is still nice to observe the endeavor.
It does seem like a lot to ask for them to learn to apparate in a single day, when it can be quite a frustrating and exhausting process.
The little tidbits of Luna that filter through are really fabulous, particularly " Lys was beginning to understand why his mother was so good at Apparating, given her remarkable ability to chase things that didn’t exist."
Yeah. I can definitely tell why Lorcan is struggling with this. I would struggle with this! I wonder if he's encountered a similar experience while learning other disciplines of magic?
I was actually really interested to hear what Leopold's alternative way of understanding apparition was, but I guess that one's for magical ears only.
Aw, Lys... Freedom was so close and I really wanted him to feel it!
Aw, precious sixteen-year-olds, getting excited over the alcoholic content of butterbeer.
I have never thought of the limitless possibilities of drinking games in the Slytherin Common Room, but now I can't get it out of my head. Thank you very much for that.
Yes, we are playing the get the twelve year old drunk game.
"I was thirsty." That's right, Lorcan. You were thirsty for Dave. Oh, I guess Essie caught that one as well. Right then.
And precious sixteen year olds consider a long term relationship longer than a month. Leopold's being a good sport, though. He brought the kids Butterbeer and this is what he gets.
This chapter was definitely a lot of fun, there was only one or two spots where I lost track of who was speaking - though that may be because I was under the influence of Butterbeer.
Sam.
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I love it when you start off a chapter with a line that is both hilarious, and perfectly sums up both my and a character's feelings: "in full possession of the faculties required to mock him." Followed by describing Percy as "More of a Geezer than you." XD
Yeah. Of course the Ministry would know that the wards had gone up. Are the Professors so out of touch that they didn't think of this? Possibly
There is a bit of a jump when Hester says the wards are up for the sake of the students, and Leopold immediately asks why they are needed for ONE student. Did you miss something here, or is McGeez way more perceptive than I realized?
Shout-out to Ernie running the Muggle Liaison office!
Uh-oh, planning on skipping class McGeez? Tsk tsk...
Leopold's housing woes make me wonder... It would sure be tempting as a wizard to simply buy a muggle home with the help of a few spells. I wonder if this is illegal, or if most wizards just don't do it because there are perks to having an enchanted home? I hope you enjoy these random thoughts that are not totally relevant to your story, but still end up in your review.
I don't necessarily CARE about Leopold, but you certainly make me feel for him. His struggles are definitely very relate-able. I am much more interested in finding out what happens to the students than to him, but at very least I hope his desire for something more doesn't turn into heartless ambition that's bad for the school.
Sam.
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Things are going to get better now, right? Right??
I wasn't sure to what degree August would help. Locking down the school for the first time in centuries is certainly a big way!
I totally didn't realize that Leoplod could be a problem here, but I suppose it makes sense that they wouldn't be able to explain why the wards had gone up, though based on how thorough he's been so far, I wouldn't be surprised if he just went "That's more like it," and went about his day. But now that the staff is going to perform an illegal memory charm on the parent of an illegal student... Yeah, this could get messy.
Essie has a definite air of superiority to the Juniors, which is partially understandable. However, what stands out to me is the fact that she wants THEM to know that she is superior, and it seems to bother her that they treat her as one of their own. THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T HAVE FRIENDS, ESSIE!
That's a definite good point how her needs aren't totally being met by the Deans. I love how enthusiastically the school put her in a year where she could be academically challenge without being socially ostracized, but it's a shame that they did not fully follow through with her needs as a result of being placed there.
Sam.
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I've started to wonder - if the school is located in a muggle area without any repelling charms, is it true that Dave is the only muggle who has learned about it? Wouldn't other parents in the town consider it as an option for their boys? What keeps it from falling under the jurisdiction of the muggle government?
I had hoped we had gotten through the worst of Dave's angst, but the truth is that it is never that simple, and you have done a good job of capturing that. The line that really hit home for me about this was "... and a series of other questions whose answers seemed obvious until Dave tried to answer them and kept coming up empty."
I definitely love the "Look there's a word for it" approach to coming out
Oh, poor, poor Dave. I saw your apology note to Emily and was afraid things wouldn't go well here. Rude, very rude. I wonder if we'll be meeting Claire. It's such a shame that the parents of two (as far as I can tel) kind and compassionate kids can be so different.
I kind of felt that the first section of this chapter was a bit out of place. Your chapters generally move at quite a quick pace, focusing on the highly relevant information, which made this section stand out. We do get a bit more background on the world and an interesting peek into Dave's world, but as far as I can tell it seems like its primary purpose was to show Dave's unease, which is then repeated at the beginning of the next section.
I feel really bad for Dave. I do appreciate that he had the instinct to go to someone and ask for help. I hope things work out for him! And quickly!
Sam.
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One thing I really appreciate about this story s how you change the tone of each chapter to match the character it focuses on. One place where this stands out is the perfect simplicity with which Lorcan describes what it's like when Dave moves his chair closer to study.
And yeah, no question about whether Dave's feelings are returned. Though I'm not yet sure if Lorcan yet realizes that.
I find Lorcan's description of the rules he doesn't understand to be really heart-wrenching. What's even more sad is how he rules out the possibility that they could be more than friends, just because Dave hasn't said anything about it, and he gives no consideration to what he may want.
Oh look, he did the talking!! That was easy =) Also, OMG that scene was so beautiful and simple and somehow made me cry and I love it
But then right away there is an inadvertent misunderstanding... That makes me sad, but I have have that these two can learn to communicate and take care of each other in the ways they both need, there will just be rocky moments along the way.
It is very understanding how, even though Lorcan's desire to be Dave's boyfriend had initially been very straightforward, now that it was actually happened he's dealing with all of these emotions and uncertainties that he wasn't prepared for. Be brave, muffin!
Thank goodness for facetious thirteen-year-olds.
EVERY relationship needs a rule book. Ad now I want to read every one of these precious goobers' rules.
Sam.
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Lys was the first of the students we met, but he has been somewhat in the background for the last several chapters, during which time he has seemed generally upbeat and positive. It its a definite change to look at him more closely again now and see some of his underlying concerns.
Excuse me while I cheer for health classes and sports tournaments with muggle schools.
“Luckily the object of your affections is Lorcan, who would just assume you were feeling a bit warm if you stripped naked in front of him.” I love this story for all the reasons in this sentence.
WAIT I found a line I love even more: “Mate, at this stage I assume everyone’s queer and I haven’t been proven wrong yet.”
I like that in this chapter we get to see a bit of the soft side of Lys as he plays matchmaker for his brother. Dave acts subtle about it, but he hasn't had anyone to talk to except a twelve year old, so I think that this is probably a pretty big deal to have his peer so accepting and encouraging, whether he realizes it or not.
I'm excited to see this further unfold!
Sam.
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Somehow, I hadn't though to expect a Leopold chapter. So far he has been such an outsider and I've been so interested in all of the other sixth years, but I suppose he's the reason this is all happening, so let's see what he's got...
Don't be mean to Haversham's McGeez! It's my favorite full of faves!
I find it very ironic that Leopold criticizes the school for mixing magical and muggle education, while the lack of practical education at Hogwarts has always been quite concerning. He is obviously approaching his review with the mindset that the Hogwarts way is the only correct way to magic school. From what I've seen so far, the inclusion, rounded subject matter, and attentiveness to individual students' needs makes Haversham's far superior in my eyes.
Based on his comment the previous chapter about sixth and seven years both meeting Education standards, I had assumed that he was impressed by the level of education they were receiving. But it looks like he meant they met those requirements only in very loose terms? Or that they met them by sixth year, but did not push them further?
Yes, Lorcan. Stare at Leopold god and long. Make him more uncomfortable. More.
Thank you, Lys, for being fiercely phenomenal.
I think that it says a lot about Leopold that when he suspects that Dave the Muggle may be illegally receiving a magical education, he doesn't think to maybe officially follow up, but conjectures in his own mind until he is satisfied.
Though if his lack of proper research contributes to progress in the magical education of other squibs, I'm all for it.
Sam.
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Oh good, an Essie chapter! I don't love her as much so far as Dave and Lorcan, but you'll probably change that quickly. Right of the bat you give us background on her attitude towards Hogwarts, which is part of what I was most interested to learn about her.
Haha, I love both that Essie kept Slytherin's points in the negatives, and that after a while the house just gave up and made the most of the situation XD
The attitude that you've described of the other students towards Essie is pretty much what I feel towards her. I definitely appreciate her presence of her as a character and have a lot of respect for her gifts, but she is definitely difficult to relate to. She is young enough that she processes her insecurities as aggression towards others, which is a phase of human being that I greatly prefer to avoid.
Holy missing dialogue tags, Batman! Of course, I know this is part of your writing style, and the passage really reads quite smoothly and clearly, but it is definitely interesting to take a step back from and look at.
I do appreciate that Essie realizes that she has crossed a line and on some level wants to do something about that, but I still find her overall attitude a little revolting. Still, she gets that this is a big secret and that Dave needs someone to talk to, and offers to be that person in her own revolting way.
And your words so perfectly reflect my feelings: “I’m very mature for my age." “No you’re not. You’re just desensitised and snarky.”
The really abrupt change in Essie at the end of the chapter is interesting. While I believe that she has definitely felt more empathy than she is accustomed to, I also think she is over exaggerating her change in a demeanor as a bit of a game. Essie 2.0 doesn't just happen in a snap, and I still don't trust her.
So, obviously, I have strong feelings on your characters. Obviously, this is a good thing.
Sam.
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I forgot to mention this in the first review, but I want to say that I really appreciate your chapter length. While your writing flows so well that longer chapters would probably read just as smoothly, I find it much more intimidating to get the motivation to read longer chapters, even if the story length is the same. So thanks for that =)
Yay, another Dave heavy chapter! I was afraid we would only see him in the background, so I'm loving this. Of course, that does not mean that I won't still demand a Dave the Muggle companion piece.
I love that the Politics class her focuses on wizard-muggle relations, as opposed to keeping the muggle community (/majority of the world) as a footnote like the canonverse sometimes seems to.
Ugh, don't defend adults' sensitivities by saying they're old fashioned. I won't to like August, but that instinct is quite ick. Still, he listens to Dave and does mean well. I guess he's just a grown up.
Oh good! I was afraid something really dark was happening with Dave, but being in love with Lorcan is something wonderful! Of course, he seems really uncomfortable with it still and isn't dealing with it in the most healthy ways, but I look forward to seeing him get through that.
I can definitely feel for Dave and his feeling of isolation. Over the summer having access to the internet seemed to help him a little, but being in such a small community can be really harmful if he doesn't feel he can really talk to any of his peers about what he needs to.
Haha, McGeez!! I hope that sticks.
With the tone of this story so far, it's hard to think that the Ministry will cause any real trouble. Well, okay, hey probably will, but these kids' antics have got to triumph.
Sam.
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Horray, a brand new chapter for a fresh new day!
Agh, it's like each character you introduce I love more than the last. I really connect with your description of Lorcan. I am similarly introverted with a healthy dose of not understanding people. And the double standard when it comes to honesty really hits home. It also really makes sense to me how he can have this attitude, not just despite Lys, but also in part because of Lys, who has SUCH a strong and sometimes baffling personality.
I definitely find it interesting that there is much lower interest in DADA here, as opposed to Hogwarts where, depending on the teacher, it is considered an incredibly interesting class. I think that's a good, subtle way to imply some of the fundamental differences in attitude between the schools.
Lorcan has such a straightforward simplicity to him, it's really precious. Well, not simple. He is definitely an interesting and complex character, but he is kind of complex on a different plane from the others, and it is really evocative how it makes him feel out of touch with them.
And the friendship between David and Lorcan... I love it when my faves fit together.
Okay, so the end of this chapter even made me cry a little. You just captured the dynamic so well and I feel such a strong connection to Lorcan and have so much love for David and this story is wonderful and on to the next chapter.
Sam.
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So much that I love is happening.
First off, gender inclusion. I'll admit, I didn't read this story as soon as I would otherwise, because of the lesbian shortage. But I can really make this work.
I LOVE the inclusion of this school. How they are determined not to turn away, and their enthusiastic acceptance of all genders. I also like that being so open to a wide range (including in magic ability, Dave The Muggle) does not lower their standards, and students like Essie can really challenge themselves in ways other school wouldn't. I'm not totally sure how the school's program works, but I imagine it is very specifically catered to each student, which fills me with joy and anticipation to get to know each of these students.
Also. Dave the Muggle. I remember you mentioning him when you were first writing this, and I figured he would just be a background joke, but I love him so much already. Expect me to demand A Dave The Muggle companion piece by the time I'm through.
Almost forgot to mention - loving Lys' gender queerness. I'm in the hiatus stage of writing a Lysandra, and I really love seeing some of that head canon captured here. "Meh" is the perfect answer to "Are you a boy or a girl?"
Also, props to Leopold's ability to just go with the flow. Which is funny, because it is so different from the attitude of his boss, Percy.
And that last line. Bless you. Bless you so hard.
Sam.
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Hello!
So last night after I finished reeiwing, I broke my rule of no screen time at bedtime so I could get some more hpff reading in, and read your first two chapters. And maybe decided to try to see if I could review this full story in a day. We'll see.
I always associate your writing with really wonderful fast paced and witty dialogue, but I forgot how you are able to apply all of those same qualities to your narrative, which I think really shine here. There is so much personality in your writing, and it is just incredibly fun to read.
That tone also definitely helps me with some suspension of disbelief. In other circumstances I would think the ministry might fight back against the school's attempt to take back power of their review by enrolling Leopold, but with the pacing of your story, the reader really gets swept up and goes along with it.
I also have such a deep soft spot for Percy Weasley, and I love that you included him here. I don't know if we'll see much of him in the future, but I'll savor him while he's around. I appreciate that you didn't fall into making him too much of a caricature, at least for this chapter.
Agh, this has me so excited for this story. I don't have as much specific feedback as I would if had just read it, as opposed to last night's groggy sleepy brain, but I'm sure there's much more to come!
Sam.
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