Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 12 Jun 2017 01:46 PM · For: New Horizon

Transferred from HPFF

 

KEVIN! ♥

Oh my goodness, I honestly can't believe that you wrote me a story! When I saw that you'd written this for me I seriously squealed because it's so exciting and lovely of you, and thank you!!!

I'm already afraid that this review isn't going to do your story justice, because this was amazing and I loved it so much!

Okay, just to skip to your author's note, of course I'm not going to kill you for the fact that Rionach is a quasi-canon character :P She certainly seemed like she could fit in with all the events in canon, especially with the way that she knew all the characters so well.

Ah, I don't even know where to start with this because I'm still kind of overwhelmed by the fact you wrote a story for me and it's so amazing!

However, I'm going to try and write something coherent and vaguely worthy of this story :P

The opening of this piece set the scene so well; there was so much information and background in that first paragraph and I loved the fact that you managed to convey so much about the protagonist in just a few lines. We learnt about what she likes doing, set the scene for where she's living now, and also got to know a bit more about her background too. Plus, I loved the fact that she came from Alnwick too, with the Harry Potter link that it has!

All of the first section of this story was just so intriguing! I loved the way that you managed to flesh out Rionach's character so well with just that short amount of writing, because I got to learn a lot about her and got to know the sorts of things she likes and dislikes. She was a lot quieter and shier than most original characters seem to be and I found myself warming to her instantly because of that. It was great to see a character who loved flying so much and did enjoy it as part of her work, but she was only in a minor league and not one of the massive Quidditch stars. I've never seen that before in any story, so that was brilliant originality! And I found it really interesting that nobody knew she loved flying so much, and yet it's clearly a massive part of her life.

One of my favourite things about this story was the fact that you used the different narrative voices in the different sections, all in one piece. I've never seen that done before and you did such a fantastic job of it! Especially the fact that you tried out second person here and did it so well! 

The description in this piece was just amazing, Kevin. Honestly, there were some similes and bits of imagery that just blew me away and made me really jealous that I hadn't come up with them myself :P There were some really original descriptions here too, which I always think is hard to come up with!

The introduction of Dean into the story flowed so smoothly and seemed really natural. I loved the way that it wasn't dramatic and over-exaggerated, but that he was interested in her and she in him. It was really sweet to see things develop from that initial attraction; slowly but surely. I liked Rionach's initial surprise that Dean had been interested in her longer than they'd actually talked - that was really sweet. You did such a fantastic job of capturing their attraction and their first few meetings (well, re-meetings, I suppose, since they knew each other from school). I really liked the detail that you included about Harry and Ginny dancing nearby, but Dean not paying her any attention; it shows that Rionach's occupied his thoughts more than anything else and just that little detail showed much more than anything else did about how much he cared for her.

Ah, the little detail about the picture that he was drawing was so lovely, especially as we didn't understand its significance properly until later on.

The final section of the story was absolutely beautiful! I loved the fact that there was something circular to this story, with it starting and ending on a morning, which tied in really well with the fact that Rionach loves mornings so much. I think it demonstrates how much Dean cares about her, and has chosen his time really well to ask her.

The proposal scene was just so cute! I loved how understated the scene was and that you never actually wrote that Dean was asking her to marry him, just left the reader to assume it; I guess that he could have actually been asking something different, but I like to think that he was asking her to marry him! He'd put so much thought into the planning of it and that came across really well, especially when he brought out that picture that he'd drawn ages ago when they were first getting to know each other!

This was such a lovely one-shot, Kevin! You told Dean and Rionach's story so well - I've actually never had any head canon for Dean and who he ends up with after the war, so this has just emerged to fill the space really well! I really loved reading this, and thank you so much again for writing it for me!

Sian :D

Author's Response:

Thanks for your incredible transfer, Sian!

Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 16 May 2017 01:02 AM · For: New Horizon

*Transferred from HPFF, originally posted anonymously as Voldemort*

 

Hello Kevin. I am Voldemort, the most powerful and evil wizard in the world, and I am here to review your stories. The reason it has taken me so long to visit your page is because I was very busy trying to bring about the demise of Harry Potter.

I enjoy the description provided by the narrator in the beginning, of the simple pleasures in life and the mornings in that beautiful setting. Personally I rather disagree with her, as I am not fond of mornings or of beautiful settings. I prefer the dead of night in dark creepy settings infused with evil. But I notice that her recipe for success is coffee and a buttered muffin - I must make a note of that as maybe it will enhance my chances of success in my goal of eliminating Harry Potter.

You've done wonderfully with the themes of artists in here; how Dean works with charcoal and paint and is talented at creating art, but Rionach sees art in the beauty of her surroundings. And the narration itself is artistic in the word choice and how vivid it all is. My personal favourite form of art, which unfortunately is not discussed in this fic, is that of the Unforgivable Curses, which take a certain finesse.

The only suggestion I would make is that you change the entire plot so that it is not about love, but instead they both become minor dark lords who are evil but not quite as powerful as me. Otherwise, it is a very good story with very visual descriptions and you brought such life to these minor characters even without the use of any dialogue. I would say I was impressed with this beautiful mastery of words, but then people might start to think I am nice and I really don't want that.

Until next time,
Lord Voldemort

Author's Response:

Thanks for transferring, Kristin!