Name: ReillyJade (Signed) · Date: 07 Jul 2018 12:04 AM · For: Chapter 1: A name (and that was all she would probably be)

Hi, there! Stopping in for BvB :)

 

Oooh, I love stories that explore minor characters! There's so much that can be done with them. And I don't think I've ever read about Eloise, so this she be interesting.

 

Annnnd now my heart hurts. Thanks for that.

 

Sadly, before reading this story, all I remembered about Eloise from canon was Ron's quote that you begin this with. It was a line I never really gave much thought to when reading the book and never stopped to think about Eloise actually overhearing it. And it's funny that I didn't, because I think we've all been there, you know? Chances are everyone has overheard someone talking smack about them at least once, be it about their appearance, work performance, etc. And it sucks. It makes you feel horrible, makes you second guess yourself.

 

So, with that being said, I really loved that you took this small nugget from canon and fleshed it out. Eloise was very relatable in this. I remember being that age and getting teased about my acne, so I really connected to her here. Her feelings in this were raw and real and heartbreaking, and you described them impeccably. That year must have been especially difficult for her, what with the Yule Ball and the influx of pretty girls from Beauxbatons. Again, I never stopped to think about how those things impacted the students. Yes, they're witches and wizards, but at their core, they're teenagers dealing with the same teenage crap we've all dealt with.

 

I'm really curious about the meaning of broccoli. It's definitely a unique nickname, and I can't tell if it's meant to be endearing or insulting just yet. Though it appears that she and Justin are on friendly terms, so I'll assume its the former. Looking forward to finding out!

 

Great job on this!

 

Cheers,

Reilly

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 10 Dec 2017 04:19 AM · For: Chapter 1: A name (and that was all she would probably be)

Hey!

 

So I thought I would check out this story after hearing good things about it and it's a perfect time as we're on a reviewing spree.

 

I thought this is really powerful. I really feel for Eloise as her thought process is really strong here like you really make her emotions and feelings seem really realistic and I can really sense her pain over her appearance and bullies. I felt it was really telling that she prays to be 'beautiful' here, it's really emotive and that she doesn't like to do it in front of other people. I think it shows a lot about her character, you write all her insecurities so well and present them in such a engaging way.

 

I really like how you bring more social issues into this chapter as you're getting the set up for the story. You really go for the idea that beauty gets you anything which I guess it does and it's kinda a harsh reality to learn but it really works as this story seems to have this 'coming of age' style. I think one of my favourite lines from this chapter is 'Eloise had wondered how such a cruel thing could come out of such a beautiful mouth.' because it sums it up perfectly really? 

 

I'm really interested to see where this story is going so I'm going to be back because I want to know why/where Broccoli nicknames comes from then see more of her relationship with Justin. 

 

- Abbi xo

Author's Response:

Hi, thanks for dropping by and reviewing! <3 

 

I'm glad you enjoyed the build up. The story picks up from the second chapter, but I wanted to have a sort of monologue, stream of thought first chapter, so I'm happy you enjoyed that.

 

Well, for the Broccoli thing, you'll just have to read and see, haha :D

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 02 May 2017 05:42 PM · For: Chapter 1: A name (and that was all she would probably be)

Hello!  I'm trying to spread some love around the archives and your name and stories caught my eye, so I couldn't resist stopping by and leaving a little review for this.

 

Minor characters?  Eloise Midgeon?  This is perfect!

 

Honestly, I really loved this chapter.  It's such an original idea for a story - I love minor characters and I've always been so interested in Eloise, and kind of tempted to write something about her myself, but I've never had the plunny that fits it.  So I was really happy to see this story and see that you were exploring her character, and really bringing Eloise to life.

 

I thought the way that you started this chapter, with the quote which reminds us of the only thing we really know of her from canon, and then take that as a starting point to create this story.  Most of this first chapter centred on Eloise's looks, but I actually found that really believable; when you're a teenager and still at school and trying to deal with all of the pressures that brings, appearance seems to be one of the most important things possible.  Since Eloise is being constantly teased and criticised for her appearance, it makes perfect sense that it would become something of an obsession with her.

 

You captured that teenage mentality perfectly here - the idea that becoming pretty will be the solution to everything, that something so material changing will instantly make you feel better and make your life better.  I think it takes a long time to realise that's not true, and my heart went out to Eloise here - I just wanted to reach through the screen and give her a hug!

 

Also, it's probably only a tiny detail, but I loved the depiction of Eloise as religious!  I know that it's perhaps not the most stereotypical idea of faith, but I've read a lot of fic and there are so few stories which even think to consider religion at all in the context of the wizarding world, so seeing Eloise praying here and trying to bargain to make herself beautiful was a really interesting and original detail.

 

I'm not sure if Justin is just a really good friend to Eloise, or if there's something more between them, but I'm really glad that Eloise feels like she can be herself with him and not worry about her appearance.  I really enjoyed this chapter and I'll hopefully be back soon to read more of this lovely story!

 

Sian :)

Author's Response:

I love minor characters too! There's just something about taking up small snippets of them drom canon and fleshing them out that's just so fun. :) 

 

Yes, that is exactly what I wanted to convey. For someone who wishes looks weren't everything, Eloise is herself so hypocritically obsessed with them.

 

I've read lots of fics where the wizarding community has their own faith (wicca?) but I wanted to portray a different spin on it. I'm glad you caught that and liked it. :)

 

Thank you so much for tbe review! You made my day <3