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Hey Dan! :)
I think what I loved most about this chapter was the way that it all reminded me so much of the sombre, very fact-based, almost blank way abuse victims have of telling their stories - what happened to them, how and why and when. Just... the odd sense of calm with Harry at times, and Hermione too, and the sense that it was important - especially with Hermione - for her to say it, out loud, in those words. It's a kind of ownership, in a way, naming something like that - but the sense of how it's said is very unique to that kind of awful situation and I loved that that came across through this, because they're all so traumatised and they have gone through hell and back and it fits so, so well. I liked too that Ron was the one of the three of them who perhaps, in a way, is both best and worst at dealing with it? Because he's the most emotional, the most outwardly affected by it, it seems, and while that can be a good thing, obviously it doesn't necessarily help when recounting things.
All the little Ron and Hermione moments in this were so lovely, too - the way Ron wanted to avoid having Hermione tell her own ordeal, in case she didn't want to be the one who had to say it, trying to protect her a bit; the way Kingsley picked up on their romance, Ron's insistence, immediately, on going with her to Australia. Like everything in this story, it's so perfectly in character and I love it :)
I loved Ginny's outburst about Snape, too. Of course she'd have a completely different view on Snape - because he wasn't just a cruel and bullying teacher to her, like he was to the trio, he was the man who let the Carrows run Hogwarts, dealing out their punishments and giving students like Crabbe the run of the place. And yeah, when someone's hurt a family member like Snape hurt George, it'd be super, super hard to forgive that or forget that on the basis of later information :/
Ahhh McGonagall. She's such a great character and I love how this scene with her at the end kinda continues on from the scene in book 7 where there's a pride in her voice when she says that Harry's in her house :P It's a real reminder that for all she was a strict teacher, there was clearly something of a soft spot for Harry, even though she didn't go out of her way to favour him or anything :P
Ahhh I love that Snape's portrait has already been created! I wasn't entirely expecting that tbh, haha, but I'm guessing that's the secret Minerva meant when she said that she already knew Snape was dead?
I'm so so curious what happens next to the trio - other than sleep :P It feels like the end of a long, long day for them - all their exhaustion coming through brilliantly in your writing, with the adrenalin still as well - and it feels a bit like something's going to give before too long :/
Brilliant, as always!
Laura xx
Hi, Dan! Here for our swap! Sorry if I'm a bit late...
Using magic to get business class seats is such a Ron thing to do! :P And honestly, I can't completely blame him... it must be very hard for him to adapt... Hermione is probably being a bit harsh, although I understand her point of view, too. Ron was careless and they can't really afford carelessness if they want their mission to succeed...
I really thought that Hermione would just be able to restore her parents' memories :O I'm a little bit worried about how they'll react once she finds them... I loved how you wrote her explanation of the choice she made to Ron, btw! I wouldn't have thought about all that, but it made so much sense. How she didn't necessarily expect to survive the war, how she could've chosen to just leave the magical world behind, but chose to stay because of her loyalty to Ron and Harry... it's sad, but it's such a great read into Hermione's character and psycology!
And can I say once again how proud I am of Ron? He's annoyed at Hermione for deciding for the both of them and for not telling him everything, but he puts his annoyance aside because he knows she needs his support! He might still do silly things like charming his way into business class, but he's really matured a lot! And he cares about Hermione so much! I really love him! <3 (And no worries, Ron, I'm not a big fan of wine, either... I prefer sweeter drinks too... :P The ways he mangled Pinot grigio were hilarious, btw... :P)
Oh, my! I'm not sure I would ever go shopping with Luna... :P I mean, I suppose it would be entertaining, too, but also embarrassing! (Although not quite as embarrassing as the conversation she and Ginny had later that night... but that's Luna, I suppose... :P)
The visits to Gringott's are always so interesting! I really enjoyed the conversation with Gnorack (I thought it was amusing how the goblins' attitude towards Harry has changed, btw... how he's now a valued client, while a few chapters ago he was nothing but a thief... :P makes a lot of sense, though...)
Interesting point about the Fidelius charm. I wonder what Harry will choose to do about that.
I can't blame Ginny for resenting Dumbledore so much. It does get some nerve from him to be calling Harry friend, after everything he's put him through. Although I'm convinced that he did have confidence that Harry would eventually succeed and survive or he wouldn't have put him through all that in the first place, but he still used him and it wasn't at all fair... I have conflicting feelings regarding Dumbledore... :P
Ginny's Mirror of Erised was not at all what I would've expected but it made so much sense and it was so interesting! Harry and herself together and carefree, with a true understanding of each other and with all their struggles and heavy past put behind them. At least, this is a fantasy that can become true, eventually? I mean, they probably won't be able to completely overcome their trauma, but they might get close, with time? This reminds me... "[...] But somehow I can't see the two of them married." Her thoughts turned to her own relationship with little conscious effort on her part. Could she see herself and Harry married? Shaking her head, she forced the confusing mix of emotions and anxieties aside. I thought it was interesting seeing Ginny pondering that... there is so much complexity to their relationship and I love the way you express it!
Of course Harry would assume she saw Fred alive... that was a really touching moment! <3
I think I would be curious to read a biography of Grindelwald written by Dumbledore, to be honest! :P When she caught herself wondering whether Grindelwald had ever bent Dumbledore over a table and taken him from behind, she excused herself to search for a snack. Ahahah! This made me chuckle and cringe a little at the same time! (I bet it happened, btw...)
As usual, this review is a bit of a mess... :P I really, really enjoyed this chapter, anyway! We need to swap again soon! ;)
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi, Chiara!
If I was aiming for one thing -- and I was aiming for several, but it I had to pick only one -- with Ron and Hermione in this chapter, it was to highlight that they're both imperfect people with their fair share of flaws. But they're maturing, and they deal with those flaws better than they once did. Ron is still prone to taking shortcuts and indulging his own comfort. Hermione is still prone to being snappish and condescending and she's also very uncomfortable confronting the conseuqences of her own mistakes. So they both struggle through the conversation. Ultimately, though, they're in a better place for the fact that they can see their own faults and be honest with one another. Also, Ron is learning to think longer-term about what he wants in life and swallow his pride from time to time in order to not mess those things up.
The idea that Hermione couldn't just "fix" her parents' memories has been part of my plan since I was plotting the story out. Obliviation is a dramatic step and the books always made it seem fairly permanent. For instance, the only way Voldemort and Wormtail were able to break through the memory charm Barty Crouch Sr placed on Bertha Jorkins was using torture so extreme that it left her permanently damaged beyond repair. Voldemort wasn't even able to break through the memory charm that Hermione placed on Dolohov and Rowle using torture, otherwise he would have learned that Ron was with Hermione and Harry, not home in bed with Splattergroit. Since brutal torture doesn't seem like a realistic option for Hermione, there's really no way to undo what she's done.
Shopping with Luna would be quite an adventure, wouldn't it? Limitless curiosity and no filter. It's a high risk-high reward combination.
Sometimes I fear that I'm falling into a pattern where all of the most interesting things in the story happen when there are goblins involved. But the goblins do have a lot of information that's either been concealed from Harry or just plain lost to the living world, so there are always things we can learn. You'll see very soon how Harry deals with the Fidelius on Grimmauld Place.
The mirror was another plot idea I had in my bullet point draft. I did feel like Dumbledore might have placed it in Harry's care. He trusted Harry implicitly and the mirror can be very dangerous. Ginny finds this out the hard way, unfortunately. Harry's choice of words is obviously unfortunate, but he doesn't know. It only serves to reinforce Ginny's fears.
Dumbledore's biography of Grindelwald would be a fascinating read, for certain. So much insight, yet so much bias...
Glad you enjoyed it! Look forward to our next swap.
-Dan
Hi Dan! I was so happy to see an update.
Once again a really realistic Ron-Hermione conflict. They’re actually very tricky characters to get right, and I really appreciate that you’re able to depict them each when they’re not at their best without making them awful caricatures of themselves. Also good for Ron for starting to cotton on to the fact that sometimes you just need to say you’re sorry even if you’re not sure what more, because the other person’s feelings matter for something even if they’re not logical to you.
I particular enjoyed the “I sound exactly like you” part, ahahah -- as well as Ron admitting he prefers it the other way around.
Something I love about your writing is the awesome worldbuilding and crazy magical details, like the Black signet ring being concealed inside the painting -- well, even before I get there, the fact that Harry was able to divert Ginny’s hex inside a painting was super cool -- and then the ring concealed in the painting, and the way you described all that was marvelous. I’ll be so interested to see how that ring comes up again in the future now that Harry’s got it and, yes, I’m inclined to agree with Ginny’s teasing, I’m not sure I ever thought we’d see the day when Harry Potter put on an heirloom signifying his status as the head of a wealthy old pureblood house. I dig it, however.
Mid-chapter here, between that scene and the one of Hermione in Sydney, you’ve got this note/ excerpt inset in brackets, like the same kind of brackets that appear at the end of the chapter as an author’s note. It’s the bit about Remembralls and thestrals and Celestina Warbeck. I wasn’t sure of its purpose? Or whether this was some kind of formatting error? Best I could gather was it was maybe some thoughts that were going through Hermione’s head as she stood at the traffic light, but I couldn’t figure out why it was formatted that way.
Anyway I really liked both of these scenes at the end with Hermione and then Ron asking for help; they were great demonstrations of your ability to set a scene and write fantastic, natural dialogue. The little interaction at the end of Hermione’s section where she interacts with the younger man was really touching.
Never apologize for a great cliff-hanger, but please do get that next chapter up stat! :)
Melanie
Gryffinclaw Take Flight Review Event
Team Tressym! *mrow!*
Hey, Dan! Here for our swap! Always lovely to have an excuse to come back to this story! :D
Okay, I have to agree with Ginny, Titanic is kind of a frustrating movie... :P For some reason, the idea of Harry and Ginny going to see Titanic at the cinema amuses me... also, gives me not so fond memories of middle school, but irrelevant...
I also really, really liked the conversation about the Dursleys, with Ginny wishing for some kind of... justice, I guess? for Harry, while Harry just couldn't be bothered... it felt very in line with their characters. And very relatable on both sides.
You took me completely off guard with the wand stealing... Harry really can't catch a breath, can he? And I was super intrigued by the Crimson Club and the whole weird situation... and then, halfway down the stairs, I was like "Vampires!" :O I guess it hit me when you mentioned the doorman's annoyance at Harry lighting the wand... :P Oh, btw, I was almost forgetting! The whole discussion between Harry and Ginny when he wanted to enter the club, alone, was so good and so in character, too! But also, so funny how astounded Ginny was by his deductive reasoning. Ginny stared at Harry for a moment, confused. It was like she was talking to Hermione. That made me chuckle! :P
I'm so fascinated by Olah! I can't exactly say that I would trust him, but at the same time I can't blame him for wanting to take some precautions? Because he's right, prejudices against magical communities outside of the mainstream can't take long to resurface and he's just trying to protect himself. And I really can't blame him. And if he was Remus' "friend" (even if he doesn't like to define himself that way) then I suppose he must've been good enough? ;)
I'm a little disappointed to know that Umbridge managed to escape... but I'm glad to know that Dementors are being captured and locked away, and that the Ministry is not using them to guard Azkaban anymore. Because, let's be honest, untrustworthyness aside, that was just plain immoral and inhuman! But I suppose I'm digressing again... :P (Also, wait a second... Umbridge is part Veela??? What???)
Aww, I'm so excited that Neville and Luna will spend a few days with them! <3 It's so sweet how excited Harry was to have them there and how happy he was to be able to support his friends! That's so Harry! <3
Ahahah! Kreacher being annoyed because Harry wanted to go open the door himself! :P
I wonder if Ginny will eventually confide in Harry about what happened to her? Not a fun conversation, but maybe it's one they'll need to have eventually... and I guess Harry will never change, with his constant guilt about everything... :/ I mean, what happened to Xeno Lovegood is horrible, but Harry really can't blame himself for leaving? It was Xeno who tried to turn him in, after all... not that he deserved what happened next, but still it's definitely nothing Harry could help, just like everything else he feels so guilty about...
Oh, my! Luna's line about her and Neville sleeping together! Trust Luna to say something like that! :P
I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention something (your chapters are always so full of great details that it's impossible not to forget something... :P) but wonderful job as always! Definitely let's do this again soon! :D
Thank you so much for swapping!
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi, Chiara!
I'm toying with a lot of ideas on how to incorporate the Dursleys into this story or whether to do it at all. Harry has some valid points. It's not as though his aunt and uncle ever want to see him again. But an awful lot of readers, I think, are looking for that same sort of catharsis that Ginny wants. Still struggling to find a good way to work that in.
So far, at least, you're the only one who's picked up on the club being full of vampires before meeting Olah. Which is odd, because I thought I dropped some pretty heavy hints.
Of course Harry would think he needs to go in alone and of course Ginny is having none of it. They're falling into some predictable patterns in their essentially unpredictable lives.
You'd be right not to trust Olah, but he's at least the sort of person you can understand. He's going to do what's best for himself first and for the vampires in general second. Anyone else is a distant third. I imagine that Remus liked the fact that he always knew where he stood with Olah.
Umbridge is too much fun to use her all up in one chapter! Chasing her will be a good first project for Harry's Auror career. She's not overly dangerous other than the company she keeps.
Yeah, Harry's excited about Neville and Luna staying over, as well. He might be a little less excited about it later. Interesting times. You'll see...
Ginny is kind of a mess at this point. So are most of my characters in one way or another. She's trying. She'll eventually get there. But it won't always be fun.
Glad you enjoyed it! Let's swap again soon.
-Dan
Hi Dan!!
Ah yessss finally an update.
Bless this poor baby for trying to transfigure an electric lamp into a traditional one and not realizing that electricity should not really be tampered with by the unqualified.
How cute is it that he’s trying to make the room not only comfier but more aesthetically pleasing, like with the lamp -- but no, I can’t imagine Ron’s jam is really finding arguably pointless things to do while his girlfriend is in potential danger. Though, I love that he has that subconscious thought about his mother’s coping mechanisms. There is a reason, I think, that Molly is the way she is. She has a very small sphere of control, and she’s gonna make the most of it, because what else is she going to do?
I think Hermione’s security/identity question for Ron definitely needs to be put on a shelf and never touched again. It definitely evokes that trope of one person in a couple (usually the woman, not that I would know about this) bringing up shit from like 5 years ago.
Buggering hell! No, wrong thought! -- I am highly amused by this entire paragraph.
Hermione suddenly turned and fixed him with a look that made him feel foolish and a bit frightened. -- I really like this because I can imagine a number of different expressions on her face that work.
That entire bathtub scene is so frustrating, but kind of in the best way. I don’t really know what it is I like so much about this line but I do -- To her credit, Hermione remained patient and still. To his credit, he managed to resist the burning urge to rock his hips upward. -- It’s somehow very earnest and funny at the same time.
I think you succeeded with trying to convey Hermione’s thoughts through her facial expressions since this is Ron’s POV. And while it becomes obvious what she’s been thinking, at the same time there is still a lot of room for the reader to speculate about exactly what she’s thinking. Like how much of this is her really wanting to do this versus feeling like she should because she wants to make him happy -- and how much of it is her physically wanting it versus emotionally wanting it -- and how it’s being impacted by all the mental noise from everything else, like finding her mom that afternoon.
I liked Harry’s little hero moment in training and then his sort of surprised Pikachu moment when Proudfoot was like, “Yes, ok, you defeated the baddies, but also, WRONG. FOLLOW PROTOCOL, YOU ASSHAT.” Which I’m positive she said in her mind even if she didn’t say it in words.
I really, really liked this whole section with them watching Dawlish’s interrogation of Gastrell. I think, first of all, that your Dawlish and Gastrell interaction came off wonderfully. I don’t know if you and I have talked about this before, but some of the best detectives I know, know that the best way to get information from a suspect is not to accuse and ask closed-ended questions and try to have a “gotcha” moment -- it’s sitting there patiently while they prattle on and on and start to let things slip, sometimes inadvertently, sometimes because they think what they’re saying is going to be helpful to them (it rarely is) and to start to contradict themselves and re-explain their story and eventually just word vomit a confession all over you. People love to talk about illegal shit they’ve done, I seriously don’t know what it is. Gastrell seems more in the nature of someone who is earnestly just trying to explain why he didn’t really mean to do what he did, rather than being a hardened criminal who likes to brag, but they come in both flavors and so many in between.
And Harry’s reaction seems spot on. At first I was thinking, Surely Harry can’t be this naive? But… you know, I think in a way he can. There’s that part of him that hates dissembling and really hates the idea of making nice with people who have done wrong, and the reality is, there are so many people like that. I actually get asked a lot, by family, acquaintances, whatever, or just hear of people asking generally, for example, why do we give plea bargains to people? And among the several reasons that exist… one is that the interests of justice simply aren’t served by pursuing the maximum punishment for everybody. That approach accomplishes very little.
The last scene of this chapter just destroyed me, but it was honestly a brilliant twist that in my wildest thoughts I probably wouldn’t have seen coming. Clearly something has gone wonky with the memory charm on Hermione’s dad, but her mum’s seems to be fine… ooh, but then I just thought, Ron’s appearance has been modified at this point, so I presume Hermione’s has been, too? I wonder whether "Monica" seeing Hermione’s actual appearance would prompt a weird sense of recognition in her? This is all assuming the charm on her was not done correctly, so maybe it was.
Anyway, it’s got to be a bizarre feeling to be face to face with your own mom and shaking her hand and her not recognizing you (not unlike, I imagine, people’s experiences with relatives who have dementia), and so I thought Hermione’s reactions and feelings here were really well done, particularly when she learned about her dad and really seemed on the verge of just breaking down. I would be super curious, by the way, to see if you follow up on this scene in the next chapter with the interaction between Ron and Hermione immediately following this, because this seems like it has to be the most emotionally devastating part of this trip for Hermione up to this point and I imagine would be quite a test of their relationship right now.
Awesome chapter, I’m eagerly awaiting more.
Melanie
Author's Response:Hi, Melanie!
Ron was really channeling both of his parents in those opening paragraphs. You think Arthur didn't learn the hard way that electricity and transfiguration don't mix? You know he did. And then Ron falls into his mother's coping habits. That was fun to write.
I don't think Hermione was trying to throw old arguments back in Ron's face so much as that was just the best thing she could come up with in a stressful moment. But, yes, she should pack that one away for a long, long time.
They're such a couple of awkward teenagers, doing awkward teenager things. Hermione comes into the moment with a half-formed idea in her head. Then she gets very committed to the idea. Then her commitment falters and she chickens out. If there's a more common pattern of behavior for teenagers, I don't know what it is.
I think you picked up most of what I was laying down with Hermione's reactions. She's an emotional mess at this point, with so many things feeding into her anxieties: finding her mother, not finding her father, being pursued by the Australian authorities, trying to scrape by on not much money, being afraid that Ron will stop wanting to be with her, so on and so on... So she seizes on one thing that's mostly within her control at the moment, which is trying to keep Ron "happy". I put "happy" in quotes because Ron is actually quite happy with their relationship, but Hermione's anxiety makes it hard for her to realize that.
I agree that Proudfoot secretly thinks that most people are asshats. But she's much too professional to say it out loud. Except for Kingsley. She'll call him an asshat to his face and smile. They groove like that.
I wanted to show a different side of being an Auror in this chapter. One of the shortcomings of a series of novels written from the perspective of an adolescent/teenager is that events are filtered through the lens of what that character is able to see, and a lot of the "boring" stuff ends up getting left out. I also wanted to show a different side of John Dawlish. We only ever see him as this buffoonish character who's a punching bag for Dumbledore and an easy target to the Death Eaters. He plainly didn't get one of the most highly-regarded jobs in the magical world by being a joke. As far as how Gastrell responds to the interrogation, I leaned heavily on things I've read about policing tactics in recent weeks. Given an opportunity to talk to an uncritical audience, most people will end up saying more than they mean to.
The twist at the end of the chapter is something I've been planning since the bullet-point stage, and one that I feel rather good about. If you like it, just wait until you see how it gets resolved...
Thanks so much!
-Dan
Hi Dan! I’m here for your forum request :D
I think you handled this difficult subject matter in a way that was vivd without being gratuitous. It makes perfect sense that Ginny would be having these flashback dreams, and I thought both the description of her feeling of panic when she woke up and her behavior as she tried to manage the overwhelming feelings were very realistic. I also thought it was very realistic that she was so desperate to hide what had happened from Harry. She has no reason to blame herself, but unfortunately a lot of people who have been assaulted in that way do. Harry is sensitive enough to know that something is wrong, but he is also a young man and so when she deflects the conversation by initiating sex, he goes along with it and probably assumes everything is okay. I predict that this will all eventually come to light, but I’m guessing it’s going to be a painful process.
Poor Kingsley, learning the hard way that acting as Minister of Magic is no picnic. He doesn’t even have time to eat his breakfast. I loved the world building note that food kept warm by charm has a “magic” aftertaste.
I think you did a pretty good job with the girl talk. As Hermione and Ginny both venture into new territory sexually speaking, they’ll want someone to talk to about it, and it’s good that they can do that now with each other. I expect that as they become more comfortable talking about it, they’ll be less coy about it too. Girls can be totally crass and graphic when they talk about stuff too.
I also really liked the moment where, after the sex talk, Ginny was looking to Hermione for reassurance that she’s normal with the way she interacts with Harry. It seemed like a really natural thing for her to do because she’s so worried about appearing normal; and she also wants reassurance that she’s not broken.
I really hope that she talks to somebody about what happened soon.
Nice work!
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi, Noelle!
Vivid but not gratuitous was pretty much what I was hoping for, so I'm glad that's how it came off. Ginny has suffered some terrible traumas, as have most of my characters. They all really need one another but, like most teenagers, it's going to be a big struggle for them to open up. You are correct in both parts of your prediction.
I liked that little detail about Kingsley's breakfast, myself. One thing about Rowling's books is that they aren't exactly a sensory feast. It's fun to try to work in some of those details that she tends to bypass.
Very relieved that the girl talk sounded alright to you. Because, you know, zero experience on that front. I don't think Ginny has any issue with being crass or graphic, but Hermione does, so she ends up being the moderating factor in the conversation. Like you said, that could change.
Sadly, it will be a while before Ginny gets to a point where she's ready to talk to anyone. But she will get there.
Thanks for your review!
-Dan
Hi Dan! Yay, now I'm finally all caught up!
That IS quite a cliffhanger to leave off for months, but let me not get ahead of myself.
This chapter was very simple in terms of what was going on, but stronger for it, I feel. I like how you just delved into and drew out each of these experiences -- Harry and Ginny meeting Teddy, and then Ron and Hermione searching Adelaide. It was an opportunity for some nice character development.
Your Andromeda is just wonderful, exactly as I'd imagine her to be. Proud, graceful, steady, strong, no-nonsense, but loving. And when I say proud, I do mean proud.
On the one hand, I can understand emotionally her desire to not accept any Black money for Teddy's rearing, based on everything she's been through (it comes from the same place as her not wanting Teddy to be in Grimmauld Place, no matter who is the present master of the house). On the other hand I want to sort of shake her. It's irrational. The money itself doesn't hold any actual power. It's fungible. It's just a tool, and now it's in better hands. And while Andromeda certainly doesn't seem destitute and I'm sure Teddy is going to be just fine, it's this kind of mindset that could, in theory, hurt a child in Teddy's position because Andromeda has decided her pride is more important.
Poor Harry, I could tell how emotionally trying this entire scene was for him, though he did fairly well (and Ginny, too)! I liked seeing everyone being so soft with Teddy. People seem to either take to babies like a duck to water (Ginny) or have to sort of force themselves to get over this intrusive thought that babies are weird little breakable aliens (Harry), and Harry's discomfort and uncertainty notwithstanding, I think it would be very important to him to know he stepped up because it was Remus and Tonks's kid.
With a very pleased look on her face, she settled in and he wrapped his arms around her so that he could rest his hand against Teddy's side. The feeling of Ginny in his arms combined with the soft, fluffy warmth of his godsons pyjamas and the rhythmic motions of their breathing to create a very soothing sensation. Harry let his chin rest on Ginny's shoulder and closed his eyes.
Ok, look, I am very childfree (nothing against kids, btw, it's not their fault it takes them 18 years to become adults), and I think my ovaries exploded right about here. That was a very lovely scene (and I think what the literary types call foreshadowing or some shit, but what do I know?)
Also, really fantastic Ginny characterization in this chapter, I thought. I mean,I understand why her behavior and moods have been the way they have been throughout this fic, but something about her that I thought you really tapped into here is her tact, which is something I think a lot of fanfic shafts her on. Book Ginny is a badass, yes, who can dish it back to her brothers and knock sense into Harry, but she's not tactless; I'd argue she's the exact opposite and she understands the need for compassion and tact and delivers it consistently. Book Ginny is not some bull in an emotional china shop on her quest to kick ass and take names. She demonstrates her tact and emotional IQ in this chapter in the way she interacts with Andromeda, and when she tells Brea that Andromeda went to freshen up, so Brea knows Andromeda needs a minute.
Now Ron and Hermione! I thought this was one of the best Ron/Hermione arguments I've read. It's realistic and involves valid feelings on both sides, both of them feeling stressed, frustrated, and like they're not being seen or heard. And your Ron is not just a whipping post, and not only does he dish it back to Hermione, he makes valid points (even if, well, sometimes the goal should not be to be right when arguing with your significant other, and you have to learn when it's important to be right and when it isn't, but they're young still). A lot of time their bickering comes from 1) her feelings that he's not validating her and 2) him refusing to be her punching bag when she does start attacking him, and I thought this scene really keyed in on that dynamic.
Hermione's thoughts about how she'd like her first time to be are obviously not unreasonable at all, and I have a feeling that for as much of a horny teenaged boy he is, Ron would agree. I think he's keenly aware of exactly how much he does and doesn't have to offer her in life (his perception probably being skewed more negatively than reality), and I don't know how much his ego would really enjoy the idea of it being in a sketchy roadside motel.
THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. HERMIONE'S MUM! I'm very excited to see how this gets messed up dramatically.
Great chapter! Updates soon, pleeeeez.
Melanie
Author's Response:Hi, Melanie! I'm going to try to hard not to let the unanswered reviews pile up any more!
Yeah, Andromeda is certainly the type to go overboard with pride. I think that's as much a Black family trait as the curly hair and high cheekbones. Perhaps she'll think differently as she gets to know Harry a little better.
So if you like the scene with Ginny, Harry and Teddy sitting on the bed, you'd probably completely explode for And Then There Were Three. It's basically that moment, except for a full one-shot.
I really can't have Ginny careening between emotional collapse and unbridled rage and steamy sex kitten in every chapter. This one was a bit of a psychological vacation for her. She does relate very well to other people and provide a lot of support. In my mind, oddly enough, she gets that from her father.
I'm glad you liked Ron and Hermione. I don't like it when authors put them into pointless, stupid arguements where one or both of them is just being an obstinate jerk. And like you, I hate when Ron just absorbs abuse for no good reason.
Yeah, Ron would absolutely like for their first time to be "special." The thing, of course, is that his idea of "special" may vary considerably from hers. That said, neither of them thinks a sketchy motel is the ideal place or time.
Yes, Hermione's mother! Cliffhanger! Dun, dun, duuunnnn...
As soon as I can write it, there will be more!
-Dan
Hi Dan! I’m here for your forum request :D
At first I was wondering why this opening scene was from Ginny’s point of view—but now I think it’s brilliant. What a perfect way to show how much her mother’s daughter she is by showing her get to the end of her rope and snap the way we just witnessed Molly do. I really think you nailed her—her anger and turmoil, her judgement of Ron and anyone who is getting in her way. I also loved how Ron reacted, first fighting against Ginny, and then fighting with her against Bill. (I do think that Ginny’s being a little unfair to Ron—I think he suffered as much as anyone else did, but I understand why she’s thinking this way).
Poor Harry. Ron and Bill saying that they trust him with their sister’s virtue has got to be pretty uncomfortable for him. Especially since they realize that Ginny’s probably the aggressor.
Kreacher is fantastic! I love how he knows what Harry needs him to do and does it—especially when he gives Harry an out from that uncomfortable situation.
lol for Fleamont commenting that Harry has enough long stories to fill several books.
I got all choked up when Harry was asking his grandparents for advice on how to be a godparent and Euphemia showed him that he already knows how to be a fine one. This was a very nice interlude both to give Harry information and to lighten things up a little after all the darkness.
I agree with Ron—he and Hermione going to Australia the Muggle way so that they can go sooner is an excellent idea. I am glad that Hermione is starting to pick up that maybe something deeper is wrong with Ginny.
The final scene with Ginny and Harry is really sweet. As much as Ginny is concerned about being out of control, she was able to be fair to Harry which is a great start. They all need time to process and heal. I’m glad that Harry is able to give her the space and support to start to do so.
Nice work!
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi, Noelle!
I picked Ginny's point of view for a couple of reasons. First, it seemed like everyone else was focused on something narrow -- Hermione healing Ron's injuries, Harry fretting about his wand -- whereas Ginny gave me a broader perspective. Also, Ginny is very angry and confused and just out of sorts. I wanted to explore that.
Yeah, Harry pretty much wanted to curl up in a ball and die during the conversation about his relationship with Ginny. Funny how facing down dark lords does not prepare you for something like your girlfriend's older brother inquiring about your sex life.
I love Kreacher. I hope to give him a lot more chances to shine.
I've been really pleased so far with what Fleamont and Euphemia have been able to bring to the story in their limited appearances. Harry needs people like that in his life. Someone who's older and wiser and has no hidden agendas and loves him unconditionally.
One thing I have to remind myself -- again and again -- is that these characters are still very young. They haven't perfected emotional self-control and sometimes it takes them a while to reel in their emotions. Harry is gradually learning when to smother Ginny with affection and when to let her be.
I'm pleased you enjoyed it! Thanks, as always, for offering your time and insight!
-Dan
Dan, I believe it is now my turn to stare pointedly at you since I see I am one chapter away from your most recent update.
I very much enjoyed that whole first scene with Ron and the magical authorities. The tension was done really nicely. A slow-paced chase. Hah, him freaking out about going into the women’s bathroom, even just to disapparate, is such a Ron Thing, I love it (nevermind that he and Harry and Hermione spent half their time in the girls’ bathroom brewing polyjuice potion that one year…)
I’m glad Hermione got a lead but very sorry it seemed to come at great risk to her emotional state and mental health, having had to obliviate the loan officer. I wonder if she’d been as upset if she hadn’t had to wipe her memory and simply confunded her instead, and if so, whether for Hermione it’s more an issue of being caught/ leaving a trail of magic or adhering to a rigid code of ethics (e.g. confunding people = bad). I’m thinking it’d be the former.
Urgh, Ron means well, but this habit of keeping unpleasant information from Hermione, I feel, is going to blow up in a spectacular way.
And then we get this nice little jaunt into an episode of CSI: Ministry of Magic. I am here for it. Yay, I’m glad the Ogham suggestion worked out! I like your idea of Voldemort having an inconspicuous mark on safe houses that has an innocent/ Muggle-associated alternative meaning so it's less suspicious. Without Harry's "memories," nobody might ever have picked up on it. And that Harry is displaying some innate talent for perception, having noticed the stray mark and looked more closely at it. Also, interesting, despite no longer having a connection to Voldemort (him, uh, being dead and all), it seems Voldemort’s memories are still stored in Harry’s mind?
Luna must be a trip to, well, plan a trip with, and also I particularly enjoyed this moment of her being very casually progressive and feminist, which also happens to be the most reasonable, objectively accurate thing we’ve ever heard her say: “The books say that they sacrificed virgins, but I don't believe that's completely true. There's no accurate way to test virginity."
LOL at Disneyland. Good touch. I can’t disagree with her, though, Disneyland is where it’s at.
I thought the way you formatted that section, alternating Neville’s thoughts with Luna’s monologue, worked perfectly!
Loved the interaction between Kingsley and Proudfoot, especially when they “dropped the titles.” Once you’ve been colleagues and peers, sometimes you just can’t beat formally around the bush. And I’m intrigued by the unmarked followers of the Dark Arts still lurking about in the Ministry and the DE’s cleaning house by going after the sleepers.
I feel that the pace of the story has picked up and things seem to be moving along nicely and getting us into new and exciting territory!
Back soon!
Melanie
Author's Response:Hi, Melanie! Maybe if I start with the newest reviews and work backward, this will go better? Probably not, but it's worth a try...
There are certain things that are so deeply woven into Ron's psyche that even being pursued by the magical authorities won't make them easier. Entering the women's bathroom is one of those things. I'm sure he was twitchy the whole time they were brewing polyjuice.
Hermione is sort of a mess at this point. I wish I could tell you that things were about to get easier for her, but I wouldn't be telling you the truth. Everything they've done in Australia, beginning with sneaking into the country, runs contrary to her moral fiber. Having to obliviate the loan officer... that was just insult upon injury.
I'm so torn on how to include Harry's auror training in the story. Like you, I find it all really, really interesting. I'm a nerd for this sort of stuff. But, it's not really central to the plot. Ugh, decisions...
Luna and Neville are so much fun to write. I don't want them to get relegated to comic relief, but they do have a way of lowering the tension of the story. Hopefully, I'll involve Luna in some pretty heavy stuff soon.
The process of training Harry is a huge test for Rametta Proudfoot. She's an Auror. She doesn't believe in winging it, which is why she's still alive. So to accept that there are things that Harry knows and she does not, and to further accept that she was to be patient and wait for him to share those things, it's just anathema to everything she's learned as far as doing her job. Mad-Eye would never approve.
The next chapter has some neat stuff in it. And the one after that... well, I still need to write that one. Thanks for all of your thoughts and ideas and reactions!
-Dan
Hey Dan!
I’m here for the second of our review swaps! Thanks for taking me up on it.
Ron is the sweetest and most well meaning fool ever. I mean he picks up on the lady watching him pretty quickly which is good, but he isn’t exactly subtle in his escape. He probably looked so nervous that he drew their attention. Certainly, sprinting across the street like a madman confirmed whatever suspicions they had that he was doing something wrong. I do wonder if they were really after him in particular though. I mean maybe they’re just looking for wizards out scamming muggles?
Poor Hermione is so stressed out. I do think it’s a bit hypocritical that she’d be mad at Ron for using magic, but then she’d go ahead and use it herself out of desperation. And she may be right. She might’ve blown their cover by doing so.
I really liked how you wrote the interaction between Proudfoot and Harry. I feel like often people write Harry as all knowing even as a trainee. You did not fall into that trap. It makes sense that someone as experienced as Proudfoot would be able to thoroughly school Harry. She seems like she’s going to be an excellent mentor for him.
I do like that he has that moment of recognition for the yew symbol though. His intuition has always gotten him far and I think it should continue to play into his career. I’m super curious to find out what all it means.
UMMM EXCUSE ME!!! I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED ABOUT LUNA AND NEVILLE GOING TO PERU. I MAY SERIOUSLY HAVE TO WRITE A FANFIC OF YOUR FANFIC JUST ABOUT THAT. AND COLOMBIA?! AND MÉXICO!!! AND DISNEYLAND!! UMM THEY ARE LEGIT GOING TO MANY OF MY FAVORITE PLACES!!! LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO DISCUSS ANY OF THEM AS YOU WRITE IT.
Small little concrit. Columbia is spelled Colombia.
I really like how you’ve developed Neville’s character. It is sad that he doesn’t get on with his Gran, but I do think it’s important that he stood up to her. I agree that she’ll come around eventually.
The sex scene was tastefully done and very Luna. Dying over Neville’s thoughts about wrackspurts.
The last scene with Proudfoot and Kingsley was a good one. I really like seeing how people who don’t know Harry well view him. It seems natural that she’d find his random knowledge confusing and frustrating. I agree with Kingsley though. If she respects Harry and earns his trust, it will pay off.
As always, excellent work.
~Kaitlin
Author's Response:Hi, Kaitlin! Hope life in COVIDvania is treating you alright.
Ron was not being particularly subtle, but I'm not sure that being subtle would have done much good in this case. The mystery woman is onto him, and we can only guess as to her intentions. Well, Ron can only guess. And you can only guess. I know her intentions, but it wouldn't be good for the plot if I told you. ;)
I can forgive Hermione a bit of hypocrisy at this point. She's approaching her breaking point. I do wish I could tell you that things are about to get easier for her, but that, strictly speaking, would be a lie.
I think it would be foolish -- and really bad storytelling -- to make Harry too good at the job on his second day of Auror training. He has never been a great student. It's not that he isn't smart or talented, it's just not his forte. Harry learns by doing, not by reading or listening. Dumbledore understood this, which is why the penseive and their excursions were the best training.
I guess the best way to explain Harry recognizing the yew symbol, without giving too much away, would be to say that even though Harry has lost the power of speaking with snakes, he's gained some other things. The process of destroying a horcrux is messy. Certain things leak out...
I will very likely take you up on your offer to give a little insight into what it's like to be a traveler in a strange land. I'm not sure how much we'll see Neville and Luna after they depart Britain, but I don't want to lose them entirely. And, candidly, even though it's a stupid story I wrote for a House Cup even eons ago, it would be fun to tie this into Fear and Loathing in Branson.
Thank you for the spelling correction. I'll make that edit when I post the next chapter, so people won't get the tweet and think it's a new one.
Neville and Luna. He is so wrapped around her little finger. And he has also become her favorite toy.
Giving Harry time and space to learn to trust her and reveal the things he knows is anathema to everything Proudfoot knows about being an Auror. Everything that's kept her alive. Can you imagine Mad-Eye waiting on Harry to volunteer information? Yeah, no. So it's a challenge for her. But Kingsley is right about it.
As always, glad that you enjoyed it! Hope we can swap again soon!
-Dan
Ok, I think it was about time I got back to this!
You don’t know how happy I am to see Ginny reunite with Arnold. I confess to not even having thought about him during Deathly Hallows. I don’t think we ever heard reference to him after HBP, except maybe something brief at the beginning of DH? Anyway, I love that you did think of him and had Ginny track him down.
Romilda seems a bit of a twit, no? First her dismissal of her dad’s fairly reasonable (if a little paranoidly manifested) fears and then the thing about the weight loss and then… yeah.
Also I love that Luna and Neville are preparing to embark on their trip that I presume is the one that culminates in Fear and Loathing in Branson? (Which, if I hadn’t said it enough before, is one of the funniest fucking things I have ever read in my life.)
It actually does kind of make sense to me that an Auror might need to experience Cruciatus in training? (I mean, I’d expect most people who are Aurors would not have actually been Crucioed before starting training, as Harry already has, and not been familiar with it already like him.) It made me think of cops being Tased when they’re training to use a Taser. Anyway, I am both eager and not eager to see how that all goes.
Perhaps he'd reached the point in his life where it made sense to start to keep records. -- This is, indeed, a very distinct point in one’s life and a very weird one when it comes around. Next Harry will be compulsively stalking his wizarding 401K and wonder when this became his life-- no, sorry, that was me. Moving on.
OOOH. I love that bit about the 10th vs 11th editions of the book, and the revisions having been made by Dark wizards who infiltrated the Ministry. Fascinating and horrifying. You kind of have to wonder why nobody ever figured it out and revised it back to its full version following the first war? Also, I cringe a bit at them using a training text that’s three decades old, but I guess that tracks with what we know of the Ministry in general (especially since it was three decades between the two editions to begin with).
"Harry?"
"Yes?"
"Send the bloody letter."
--Yes, here is some more of the old Ginny we love. Not overwrought about things, but not letting things slide, either, and gently slapping sense into Harry.
I really like the way you described Harry through Robards’ POV -- frankly, none of it is wrong. Really, I appreciate the way you wrote this whole scene. I like that Kingsley is so perceptive about why Harry is the way he is and stands up for him, but at the same times, I can’t bring myself to censure Robards for his concerns. Neither of them is wrong, and you’re a skilled writer to be able to convey that so effectively and naturally, and to have me, at every bit of dialogue, metaphorically turning to the other character and going, “Yes, he made a very good point, what say you now?” I also loved their negotiation.
Great chapter, and I’m excited things are rolling right along into new, exciting, and I’m sure very dangerous experiences for everyone.
Melanie
Author's Response:Hi, Melanie!
Pets are pretty important to me. I'm hoping for something even better to reunite Hermione and Crookshanks.
Romilda, yeah, she's a bit of a twit. But I'm hoping to make her into a useful twit. You can see from her father that she gets her twittiness naturally, though.
OMG! I didn't realize anyone remembered Fear and Loathing aside from me. Yes! I do hope to tie these together a little.
I honestly haven't decided whether to make first-hand experience with the Cruciatus curse part of Auror training. Like you said, there are valid arguments on both sides of it. What I do believe is that the magical world probably has a better understanding of the curse after the war. Healers have dealt with many cases. I'm still pondering how to work this into the plot.
It's going to be so odd to see Harry mature into these situations where he actually has to do adult-type things, like keeping financial records and filing taxes and watering the lawn. The next great adventure...
My personal theory on why the Auror training book was never "fixed" after the first war has two components: First, everyone was too busy celebrating; second, there were too many of the Dark Lord's followers still embedded in the Ministry, pretending that they'd been under the Imperius Curse. Either way, our lad Harry has the real deal. And maybe he should be a little more cautious with the spells he finds there.
Robards is not wrong. His concerns are quite valid. If Harry was anyone other than Harry, I think he'd be quite justified in sitting Harry down and demanding some answers. But Harry is Harry, so everyone involved is walking a bit of a fine line. At least he gets some admin help in the bargain.
Always happy to hear from you!
-Dan
Hi, Dan. Finally here for your requested review!
First of all, let me start by apologizing for how long it took me to get around reviewing this chapter. It wasn't an easy year for me and life got in the way plenty, and until recently I didn't have a lot of free time to come back to the forums.
But I'm here now, and I'm really glad I am. I'd like to start by saying that just from the summary of the story, your premise is alluring. I'll admit to never have read a fic focusing on the aftermath of the Second War, so I'm definitely curious to see how you imagine it.
Your descriptions throughout the chapter are so immersive, it's easy to relate to the characters' feelings. Yet, there's something to be said about the beginning of the chapter (and the story), when you go to describe all the layers of Harry's pain. It's as though we can connect with Harry through your writing. We share his pain and embrace his thoughts. Even when the survivor's guilt is already so apparent, and I'm afraid will be present still for many chapters to come.
Regardless, I really liked the way you decided to go with the immediate hour after everything was over. It's how I can see it going down and them reacting to things - with sensibility, and not overreacting to what's to come. You took into account what had happened, their feelings, emotional states and physical well-being (or lack thereof), and came up with quite the starter. I can only imagine how overwhelming being with everyone else down at the Great Hall could have been for the trio at this time, and I don't imagine the next few days/weeks/months will be any easier on them all. There's a lot that they can't still process because it's too soon, and unfortunately life has a way to remind us of all the things we aren't handling. When the realization comes that "the magical fantasy was over", I felt that, and it marked the real beginning of your story, I think.
Needless to say, and even if it's just the first chapter, I found your characterization very on point. I'm in love with your descriptions and your prose is great to read. It's engaging and simple to follow, yet refined and rich. Also, it didn't even feel like a 7k chapter!
Last but not least, and just as a side note, I loved the recognition to Regulus and his last effort to help the good cause.
Again, I'm really sorry that it took me so long to get back to you on this. I definitely should have done it sooner :/ still I hope you'll come back sometime as I'll definitely want to keep reading and following your story.
Great work, keep it up!
Thank you for requesting,
Susana
Author's Response:Hi, Susana! Welcome back!
If you're just starting on post-war fic, I feel privileged that mine was the first. It's always been my favorite genre.
I'm pleased that you felt connected with the characters and immersed in their world. I tried really hard to come up with realistic physical and mental states for them. You're correct that they didn't really want the cheers and adorations of the crowd in the Great Hall. They just needed to rest and start to process everything that had happened.
It seemed like something Harry would do, to make sure that Kreacher understood the role that both he and Regulus played in the Dark Lord's defeat. I feel like Harry took Dumbledore's admonitions to heart where Kreacher was concerned.
As I said, it's good to have you back in the community. Thanks for the review!
-Dan
Hey Dan! I’m back for more!
This was a very touching scene in the beginning -- I don’t think we’ve seen any very direct Arthur/Molly interaction yet, and it was really nice to. It was a good way of synthesizing all of the information about the current state of their family. And of course, Molly is not here for the idea that any information should be kept from her, no matter what state she’s in. Arthur very clearly knows how to deal with her, though, by this point in their lives, and the right things to say to talk her down when she’s on the verge of getting upset about something. I loved the bit where she compares Ron’s comment about being with Hermione to the statement Arthur had made before they eloped -- so perfect, and a nice, romantic, nostalgic little touch. I enjoy your interpretation of what’s going on with Percy currently, and how central he is to the rebuilding effort, it seems. There are many ways to go with what might have happened with him immediately following the war, both personally and professionally, and I am enjoying this take on him so far. I like that both his parents recognize that his obsessive focus and work ethic are coping mechanisms and always have been.
Well, now Ron’s got himself even more into a pickle. With Hermione so happy with him and freely praising him, I doubt he’s going to want to find it in himself to put an end to that by telling her the truth and pissing her off all over again. I suppose he could frame it as, he’s really just been gambling with free money ever since the first game, because it’s money they wouldn’t otherwise have had, but that doesn’t really get around the fact of what he did the very first time, when it was their dinner money.
And I’m sure when she finds out, Hermione won’t take that fact and make it into a federal case AT ALL.
Sometimes I think I don't deserve you.
^I love that she said that -- not because I think it’s true, but because I think it’s something he needs to hear and isn’t used to hearing.
Aww, Ginny is Harry’s happy thought, I love it. I really liked how that scene was done (and George standing there nervously, ugh, my heart. Jesus.) I also like the way you’ve conceived of the Aurors catching the Dementors! As well as the fact that you continue to keep us on our toes by demonstrating that the wizarding world is not out of the woods yet, and there are still very real, very active dangers lurking.
And she loooooves him. I am such a sucker for this whole we-know-they-love-each-other-but-are-too-scared-to-say-it thing.
Another fantastic chapter!
Melanie
Author's Response:Hi, Melanie! Review responses march on...
I was really hoping that the Molly/Arthur conversation could serve as a stealth plot dump and not be too blatant about it. Seems like that worked, at least for you. Arthur is toeing a thin line, trying not to upset her but also not to omit anything important, which would also upset her. Poor guy was bound to struggle. Just like you, I'm finding some parallels between Arthur's courtship of Molly and the love lives of his children.
Yeah, Ron's talked himself into a corner here. He's going to need to come clean eventually, but he can't bear to at the moment. Her happiness means too much to him. If/when she finds out, Hermione is not going to be happy.
Ginny is absolutely Harry's happy thought. He's really starting to move beyond the memories of his parents. Not that he doesn't cherish them, but he has newer, more powerful memories to cling to. He's going to need them. There are a lot of rogue dementors that need to be dealt with.
She does love him. But you're right, they're too young and too scared and too dopey to say it. So things continue to roll awkwardly along.
Thanks so much for all of the feedback and encouragement!
-Dan
I’m back!
Good for Luna and Neville. Poor Harry, scandalized boy. In retrospect, I’m fairly ashamed that I never bothered to think about the various ways magic could be used to explore kinks. It seems fairly obvious when you put it this way.
I thought the use of the journal full of notes was a really brilliant way to present George’s grief at this time -- it’s a tangible reminder of what he lost, not only a person but also a future (or at least a certain version of the future). A partnership is the perfect way to put it. Loved the observation that their handwriting is so similar nobody else can likely tell it apart, but obviously he can.
I. Love. Fleur. She is a great choice to be the person who slaps some sense into George (even though, from a standpoint of compassion, it’s not an objective reality that he needs sense slapped into him this early, but on the other hand I understand Fleur’s belief that it is and her desire to do so).
When doing scenes like this, involving tough love, I feel there’s a delicate balance, because it certainly presents well in terms of entertainment and emotion, but I think there’s always the countervailing concern about whether the tough love personality is simply being mean -- like if someone were to do speak to a grieving person like this in real life, it might come off a lot differently than when it’s being done in fiction. It could be seen and felt as an unjustified attack.
Anyway, that is not a criticism, simply a long-winded wind-up to saying that I think you pull it off very well by choosing to use Fleur. She has a certain imperiousness about her that makes this exchange make perfect sense, but it’s balanced by the fact that she very clearly cares about this family. We’ve known for a while that she is tough-as-nails but not unfeeling, and she decides this has been quite enough of this shit, not because it’s annoying her or cramping her style, but because she refuses to see the people she cares about destroyed.
And as she so astutely points out, she can talk to him about this because she has never known how to connect to him before -- she doesn’t have to worry about getting around whatever her pre-existing relationship with him was -- I found that such an interesting observation on your part.
I also think you make a very poignant observation about the fact that having been a twin meant that George had a built-in partner and really never did have to do things on his own. I mean, twins are certainly capable of developing independence from one another -- look at my sisters who live 2000 miles from one another and have taken very different paths in life -- but George hasn’t had to up to now.
And yes! Fleur going to bat for Harry and Ginny and telling people to butt out. Also:
I will shrink you all to knee height and sell you to a circus.
I really believe that might be the single most delightful threat I have ever heard in my life.
I felt the scene with George was the highlight of this chapter, but it’s pretty well rivaled by Ron taking down the Isaac the Cheater. When Ron goes with his instincts he’s usually pretty brilliant, and I like how you show him first noticing something wrong that he can’t put his finger on, then starting to put things together logically, and not second-guessing himself about conclusions he reaches like the fact that the digital watch means Isaac is a Muggle. And it makes so much sense that Ron would not be able to let something go when he develops a deep sense of someone doing something wrong -- really wrong, not just troublemaking -- even when it doesn’t affect him personally.
But while the game turned out ultimately in Ron’s favor, I’m glad you didn’t make it entirely easy on him -- the added pressure of time does add a new layer of stress to anything, even when you know what you’re doing, and I found myself hoping that we wouldn’t see Ron psyche himself out.
Something I like that I’ve noticed in the past couple of chapters -- and I actually have no idea whether this was your intent or whether I’m just imagining things and seeing what I want to see because I like him -- is how confident and proactive Ron is showing himself capable of being in this new environment. He’s always had those qualities, but he’s spent nearly a decade glued to (and comparing himself to) Harry, and even longer being overshadowed by his brothers, and it seems like once he’s removed from that, he’s able to just exist as the person he is. There’s still the Ron-Hermione dynamic to navigate, but it seems that what he’s needed is some independence to do some additional growing.
I’m very entertained and happy for Ron’s little escapade here, but I’m sure Hermione’s going to have some opinions.
Be back soon!
Melanie
Author's Response:Hi, Melanie!
Yes, Luna left Harry a bit scarred. I'm not sure you can lay much of that one at Neville's feet. He was... indisposed.
I'm not completely sure where I got the idea for the journals that Fred and George kept, but once I started running with it, I really liked it. For all their clowning around, they seemed like the type that would keep meticulous notes on the particulars of their clowning around.
Fleur is *always* the right character to deliver tough love. Fight me. She's just so blunt and honest, but also kind in her own way. I have loads of head canon on this point. She does care very much for her new family, and there's obviously a bit of self-interest at play here. She and Bill need to move on with their lives at some point, which pretty much requires George to move on with his. In a sense, she's doing the thing that Bill can't do. Her line about selling them to a circus just felt like a very French threat to make. I'm pleased that you liked it.
Ah, Isaac the Cheater. Although getting over the initial hump of firguring out his grift wasn't easy for Ron, he'll turn out to be one of the less formidable opponents Ron faces. You're correct that Ron does have that very insistent sense of right and wrong where "sacred" things like chess are involved.
Making Ron more self-confident and assertive was absolutely my intent. He feels a strong priority to take care of Hermione by any means necessary, which also inherently involves taking care of himself. It's a role that he's watched his father play for most of his life and now I think he's feeling that mantle of family leadership resting on his own shoulders. Hermione, of course, would not unconditionally agree with him doing so, but I think she appreciates the results.
Yes, Hermione will have opinions, but we won't see those for a while.
Thanks, as always!
-Dan
Hey Dan, I’m back for more!
Ron asks for directions!! Now that’s what sexy looks like.
I love that Hermione is annoyed by being annoyed, and frustrated at being frustrated. I relate to that a lot. It’s a crazy spiral.
It really is so like her to get annoyed at him when he very innocuously demonstrates to her that he’s not as dumb as a box of rocks. But fortunately she possesses the ability to self-reflect!
“Alright, but what if one tries to bugger off some other way?” -- It’s a valid question, okay??
OOOH. The Australian wizarding government have planted a jinx in the airport to catch magical folk emigrating the Muggle way? Genius on them, and genius on you, you really have thought of everything! And I love the Australian wizards’ attempts to dress like Muggles -- classic.
Ugh, the way that scene ended was so heartbreaking, and the best and worst part of it was that neither of them was in the wrong there -- which I think -- hopefully? -- they both realized.
But anyway -- I always enjoy Ron Ronning at his best, and that entire scene was a good example.
You don’t get the luxury of standing outside on the pavement, taking as many tries as you like. -- All right, Bill bringing the shade, we’re off to a great start.
I do like how the comment Bill makes about the way to lift the charm sort of highlights why it’s important for them to know theories of spells in additional to the practical component -- no matter how much they may have hated that in school.
I really loved the idea that you can feel magic and enchantments and how Bill guides Harry to be able to do that. The idea of how everything flowed and “formed a fabric” and so forth was a very lovely bit of writing! As well as the idea that different magic -- “foregn” magic, if you will, from outside the family, feels different.
“Nobody can see magic,” Luna responded, as though it was perfectly obvious. Which it was. Except that Harry didn’t feel sure of anything any longer. “You can just imagine what it looks like.” -- This...actually makes perfect Luna sense, as well as perfect sense sense.
“Well, it would have taken me longer,” Bill admitted, “but, yeah, the rest of it was bollocks.” -- BRILLIANT! I have nothing more I can possibly say.
Harry is definitely in a very precarious position here with what Bill’s asking; I don’t envy him. There’s something to be said about trust between a couple and keeping each other’s confidence, but like… if I were going off the rails at some point I think my husband should tell my family instead of trying to keep it “between us.” Harry is very young to be dealing with that kind of issue.
“What fool would possibly take this job under the present circumstances?” Kingsley responded with a touch of bitterness.
“Present company excluded?”
“Yes, aside from the fool who’s already taken it.”
^I am rolling, that dialogue is SO GOOD.
Ah, I relate on so many levels to Kingsley -- the hatred of schmoozing and politicking, and the inexplicable compulsion to do all the tedious work myself.
It does make perfect sense that the wizarding world -- and the people running it -- would be restless without seeing Harry, even though that is deeply unfair to Harry and they should all be able to adult and govern without making it a 17-year-old’s problem (but of course they can’t).
This last scene with Ron and Hermione was so sweet and perfect and supportive, I loved it. Brunet Ron makes me sad, but I suppose it’s necessary.
Be back soon!
Melanie
Author's Response:Hi, Melanie! I'm going to answer some of these reviews today, even if it kills me!
Hermione has a pretty solid grasp on her own personality quirks. She learned a lot from the times in her life where she inadvertently pushed people away by letting her natural tendencies run amock. That's Hermione. She frets and she learns things.
I'm very pleased that you liked the machinations of the Australian magical government. You'll be seeing more of them in some upcoming new chapters.
This trip to Australia is going to be brutal for Hermione. There are a lot of things she's going to discover about her parents, about Ron and about herself. We know things end up alright, but it's going to be tough sledding to get there.
Bill is always fun to have around. I feel like I'm still zeroing in on who his character is going to be, but the process is fun. He's worldly and wise, but not "old man wise" like Dumbledore. He's old enough to feel a responsibility for Ginny, but still young enough to remember being sixteen years old. I love using him as an authority figure because his reactions are more subtle and muted than what you'd get from Molly or Arthur.
The eternal struggle when you put Luna in a large ensemble cast is not to have her fall into one of the numerous fan fiction trope traps that seem to consume her character in most stories. I don't want her to come off as having other-worldly wisdom and awareness and I definitely don't want her relegated to comic relief. I mean, she can be comic relief sometimes, but that's not her main role. Urgh. The struggle is real.
Yeah, definitely don't envy the spot Harry is in with respect to Bill asking about Ginny. This is one of the few situations where Bill drops the "I'm young and cool like you" approach and turns into a straight-up adult. The thing is, Ginny isn't going off the rails any more than most other people in this story. That's what makes it so hard for Harry to gauge the extent of her problems.
Kingsley has the best-paying shit job in the magical world. I agree 100% with all of your observations. I've been shorting him scenes in the past few chapters. I definitely need to fix that.
Yes, another review answered! I'll try to get to some more very soon!
-Dan
I’m back!
So obviously it’s frustrating to see Ron and Hermione basically taking the first opportunity to get at each other’s throats. It makes sense because tensions are high, but I expect things will remain that way for a while, so I hope they figure out a way not to take it out on one another. But what I liked about this scene are a couple of things. First, so often in fanfic we just see Ron being completely inconsiderate. I know I’ve mentioned this to you before. Down with Ron-bashing. People love acting like he’s the only inconsiderate asshat in this relationship. But Hermione has had plenty of moments where she’s been harsh, judgmental, and even downright mean. I think the first step to writing any good R/Hr is to acknowledge that they’re pretty evenly matched in their asshattery. Hermione loves to take whatever Ron’s done wrong and beat that horse until it’s dead, risen, and dead again. And we see her doing that here.
The other reason I liked this is that I think you’re doing a good job of showing these conflicts from each of their POV’s. In the scenes from Hermione’s POV, where she probably genuinely feels she’s the one doing all the emotional labor, it seems that way to the reader in the moment; but in scenes like this one, we see how Ron genuinely feels he’s doing the emotional heavy lifting while allowing Hermione to sort of kick him around.
Once again I appreciate your attention to details such as the effect of the Fidelius Charm on the ability to use the Floo Network, and the time you take in having Harry discuss that with Gnorack, which is a logical path for that conversation to take before getting back to the matter at hand.
So Dumbledore is a controversial character who provides no end of material for debate as to his motives and methods, and Harry and Ginny have good reason for each feeling about him the way that they do, after all that’s happened to Harry. But I like the way you wrote his letter to Harry, because it’s one of those things capable of making the reader see that side of Dumbledore that always seemed to be genuine and caring. The letter feels very earnest, not satirical, so I believe that’s how you meant it, and I enjoyed it. It keeps Dumbledore multifaceted, even after his death.
I liked Ginny’s experience with the mirror, and how it was a very subtle difference in Mirror Harry that she was able to pick up on -- but also, the idea that the mirror can sort of convey concepts and emotions, in addition to visual images, such that Ginny is able to read Mirror Harry as being someone who has accepted all of her secrets.
Far be it for me to judge people for enjoying sex, but a part of me can’t help being really concerned at Ginny using it as a tool to avoid, well, just about everything she should actually be working through. It’s not surprising, it’s just worrying.
I love Luna. I love Luna so much.
Be back soon!
Melanie
Hi Dan! Here for what has perhaps become an ongoing game of review tag? Except it’s just occurred to me I’m going to run out of After Destiny chapters to read before you’ve finished with mine. Eep. I guess we’ll sort it out.
LOL. They saw Titanic. Good one. +100 for pop culture references.
I had never thought of the idea that the Dursleys would actually have been mad if Harry scored better marks than Dudley, though that seems entirely like something they’d do. Possibly an explanation for what might have slapped any love of learning out of Harry -- because while he loved getting acquainted with the magical world as a kid, despite wanting to know everything there was to know about magic he never was incredibly studious.
Love Harry’s joke about a cake with a file in it.
I can hardly convey to you my amusement, after reading Harry’s very thoughtful, instinctive but also somehow logical assessment of that chase and the wand thief, at then seeing him stand in front of the door going, “Uhh...so do you think I should just knock or...?” Oh, Harry.
I enjoyed the brief exchange that happened between Harry and Ginny right at the moment that I was beginning to think, “What kind of Eyes Wide Shut fresh hell is this?” Especially the line, “If two blokes wearing goat leggings fencing with red hot pokers count as strange, then yeah.” Once again you capture Harry’s deadpan humor marvelously.
I am so very digging this whole thing with the vampires and all the other non-human beings, their underground society, the politics of it all, and Olah’s proposal and barter with Harry. Such great thought has gone into this idea, and their tenuous place in magical society and how that is affected by the war.
You’ve also done a great job at simultaneously painting the vampires as incredibly creepy, at least from Ginny’s POV (I mean, it doesn’t help that people are carving runes into each other’s skin upstairs, but what’s it to me what consenting adults do in the privacy of their sketchy little clubs?), but also humanizing them. It struck me pretty hard when Olah asked whether vampires are still taught in school as being part of the Dark Arts, as well as when Olah declined to shake Harry’s hand because he knew it would make Harry uncomfortable.
Are we going to see Umbridge reap what she has sown? Please tell me we will.
I also would like to know how one captures Dementors. I thought about this once when I was reading something about when the Ministry first started staffing Azkaban with Dementors. My current mental images involve 1) Aurors chasing Dementors to and fro with a very large butterfly net, or 2) the Ghostbusters’ ghost trap.
Kreacher remains such a delight to read in his element. I mean, sure, as enlightened and empathetic people we’re not supposed to like the idea of house elves as servants, but Kreacher is treated well by Harry and he is obviously over the moon at once again being essentially the butler of this grand house, and it really shows, in the way that he importantly steps in front of Harry to open the door and proudly welcome their guests. It also is very adorable to see Harry thinking to himself that this is the first time he’ll ever welcome guests as the official master of a house. There is something so quaint about it, especially with the wizarding world’s old-world tendencies.
I appreciated the conversation between Neville and Harry, seeing some much-needed missing information finally come to light for Harry, and I’m glad Neville could just give it to him straight about what life was like. Neville’s a very solid chap. It was a nice little debriefing moment between essentially two leaders who’d been fighting the same war in different theatres.
Melanie
Hi Dan! Here to hit you back for your review on Irrational! And I’m perfectly happy to continue swapping if you feel like it.
Damn.
I get that Ginny gets into her fits and doesn’t let Harry get a word in edgewise and that must be incredibly frustrating… but if my husband ever hit me with a silencing charm, I’d 100% be displaying his head on a stick in my office. Damn.
"I don't suppose you did anything sensible, like agree with him," Ginny replied, not sounding especially amused.
^I liked this line very much. It sounded like Old Ginny.
I liked reading this debrief of the hospital incident between Harry and Ginny. Because when Harry gave her his, frankly, perfectly reasonable explanation for dueling as he’d done, I found myself thinking, “Well, yeah, I also wonder why you didn’t say that to Kingsley” (who, in my opinion, but being pretty unrealistic with Harry about what his alternatives had been).
Harry was starting to suspect that where girls were concerned, there was a bad kind of crying and a good kind of crying.
^Yes, my child. You’re learning.
Seeing Harry break down in this way that he normally doesn’t, was really touching and probably what they both needed, to be honest. And I love the idea of him taking Ginny to see a movie!
He'd never thought much about air.
^This feels like such a Ron thought. At first blush it seems kind of like a doofus thing to say, but when you really think about it, it’s pretty deep. How much time do any of us really spend tinking about air? And when you do start, there’s quite a lot to think about!
I like the parallel between the journey they’re embarking on in Australia, to the horcrux hunt. There are a lot of similarities in practice, and it seems reasonable that it would worry Ron. As do all the other things that worry him. But what he probably doesn’t realize is that his ability to self-reflect about those things can go a long way towards solving or addressing them.
Whatever the cause, Neville hadn't walked into his parents' room expecting things to be exactly as they were before the war.
^Ah, what an interesting thought! You do a very good job of getting inside characters’ minds and identifying all the absurd, intrusive things we as people think about, and this is a great example.
While the image of his visit with his parents is a sad one, I was heartened by the image of Luna talking to his mum. Luna seems like just the perfect person to deal with a situation like that. A lot of people would be uncomfortable and scared around Neville’s parents, because it’s an inherently uncomfortable situation. But I can see Luna just sitting down and talking to them like she was with any other person.
I really like the way you crafted the last scene here. Them pondering the remains of the Lovegood house with past perfect discussions of their hospital visit worked really well. We didn’t really need drawn out scenes of their visits in order to understand the emotional impact on them. It was very sad to see Luna essentially break down like this, in her own Luna way, and heartwarming to see Neville’s response to it and the way he knows her mannerisms. I look forward to seeing what happens when they try the Burrow, which if I recall correctly, isn’t exactly in habitable condition either?
Melanie
Hi Dan! Here for #3 of our review swap!
Touching scene in the beginning with Ron and his mum. I liked to think Ron can be pretty articulate and open when he thinks nobody can actually hear him (and judge him).
I thought the action scene at St. Mungo’s was fantastic, engaging, great pace, felt real -- and I definitely had not seen that twist coming with the fake Minister and Hit Wizards, though in retrospect I feel silly for having not! The image of them back into an elevator was a tense, exciting one.
Random thought -- I’m highly amused by the airplane/aeroplane joke and how Hermione and Harry have each caught themselves starting to say “aeroplane,” the implication being that it’s how Ron and other wizards pronounce it but not Muggles. And I know it was “aeroport” in this chapter, though in a previous one I thought Hermione caught herself saying “aeroplane” and corrected it to “airplane.” But -- isn’t “aeroplane” actually the proper term in British English? I thought it was, but obviously I am not a Brit. :)
"Alright, then. Can I ask what a slap-head scrubber-buggering minge-bag is?"
^Hahahahaha! This is a line that makes you love both Harry and Proudfoot.
Okay okay okay…
He turned and walked toward the door. "And my father isn't dead," he added as he passed through it.
^SHIIIIIIIIIIIT, SON!!
I did a cheer for Neville. Well done! Well done him, and well done you for writing it. As much as I felt that overall I respected Augusta’s character in canon, if this is what she’s going to be like, then I am pleased to see Neville strike himself with the realization that he is too old and too deserving of respect to be dealing with this shit from her. That was a great scene.
I sort of went back and forth between thinking Robards was a twit, a jerk, or whether I liked him and 100% saw where he was coming from, at all points during that conversation. I think that’s a mark of good writing. He felt real. Overall I think I like him.
Another great chapter, despite your concerns in your end notes about it being plot-heavy and perhaps not a fun read -- I found it very engaging!
Melanie
Hi Dan! Here for #2 of our review swap!
"When are you supposed to piss?"
^This got an actual out-loud laugh from me. As did the joke about Fleur’s cousin and the macarons. Effing hysterical.
Poor George. I honestly think I find very few things in this universe as post-war George. I mean, post-war Weasleys in general break my heart, but George especially. And every time I read the way someone has written him immediately following DH, the wind is knocked out of me. It never gets easier. And I like the interaction you’ve done between him and Bill. You do a great job with Bill in general.
It makes perfect sense that Harry would no longer be a Parselmouth, and I love the pure, unadulterated joy he expresses in realizing that particular trait is gone, and that it really drives home the fact that the Horcrux is gone.
But uh...wow they didn't just excuse themselves for a moment, they totally left Harry’s grandparents hanging to go have funtime (which they didn’t even really have after all). Rude.
"Alright, that's probably not possible, but, you know, did people still do some normal things? Classes and exams and sneaking down to the kitchens and snogging in broom closets?"
^Yeah, you remember what I said in my previous review about the fact that I think Harry is a ninny sometimes? There he is. Even Ron would be like, “Bruh. There is such a thing as a stupid question.”
The knotted bend in the middle always seemed to poke her in the ribs when she turned a certain way, as though the thing was inherently hostile.
^I love this.
Hermione does sort of need to learn how not to cling unnecessarily to form over function, e.g. where this test-taking is concerned, and I was especially amused by the image of Ron and Harry trying to hold themselves together after Twycross’s remarks until given permission by Hermione to crack up about it.
"For a moment there, I thought you were going to tell me you were eloping," he finally said. "Wasn't looking forward to explaining that one to your mother."
^Hah! That was literally what I expected his reaction to be when I read the way Ron went about saying it.
Look at Ron and Hermione each trying to take the heat off one another. Love it.
"Are you traveling on the inside or on top of it?"
^Loling so hard.
He fixed Hermione with a serious look. "Someday, though, you'll learn that when you're a parent, there's no such thing as not worrying. About all of your children."
^Nawwwww, all the good feels!! Arthur, the very best egg.
I very much love how you’re writing Arthur. By now because of our swap you know my feelings about him, at least with the project I’ve taken on, but he’s not just a potted plant, canonically he’s a sharp man and shows it when he wants to -- like here when he gets uber serious when picking up on Ron’s implication that something is wrong with Ginny. That whole scene at the end there was really touching.
Another great chapter with a lot of attention to character development.
Melanie
Hi Dan! Here for #1 of our review swap!
It’s pretty clear in the very beginning here, if it weren’t already (which it pretty much was) that Kingsley is under a great amount of stress as to rebuilding the Ministry. I like that he retains a sort of frankness when talking to Harry. I’m not a fan of people trying to bullshit their way around Harry at this point in things, considering everything he’s done.
I have to say, I am very amused by Harry seemingly stumbling inadvertently (at least, at first inadvertently) over some very good investigative/interrogation techniques. He sits in silence at first with Doge because he -- as you say -- doesn’t know how to respond, so he just sits there. But Doge, like most human beings, wants to talk -- maybe not about what Harry came to talk to him about, but he wants to talk, whether it’s chit chat or talking about himself. He’s miffed when Harry doesn’t want to. Harry’s silence opens the door for Doge to be the one now insisting they converse. Whereas, if Harry had peppered Doge with questions, even innocuous ones, Doge might have been on the defensive. This kind of thing could prove very useful to Harry as an Auror. Some of the best detectives I work with know the value of sitting there silently and letting a witness or a suspect ramble on, rather than trying to pin them to an answer. Because people love to talk about themselves. And if you sit long enough in uncomfortable silence, someone will eventually want to fill it.
And then from there, he puts Doge at ease by just conversing about their mutual friend Dumbledore, and then finally cottons on and intentionally uses the awkward silence to get Doge to continue. It’s very good. Sometimes I think Harry is sort of a ninny in canon, but he does have good instincts sometimes and he’s done a lot of growing up in a short period of time, and your Harry here is developing a good sense for people, which is important.
I really, really love the idea that Dumbledore liked following politics because it was like a puzzle.
And then Harry using the Socratic method with Doge, look at him go!
I’m in two minds about Doge, whether I sympathize with him not wanting to be involved or whether I’m very annoyed and judgmental at him not wanting to be involved because it’s going to be difficult, when he has so much valuable knowledge and experience. But Harry rightfully suspects that the way to get Doge involved is to appeal to the part of him that likes an intellectual challenge, and make Doge himself produce the knowledge he’s always had tucked away and has failed to recognize how very effective it could be.
I’m looking forward to seeing how they try to influence the political actors of the Ministry. You have put a lot of thought into that, in a way that makes sense. I find the political rebuilding to be a daunting task to take on, personally, so I commend you for being able to tackle it and write it. I have a guess as to who the person might be who Harry is thinking of, but I’m keeping it to myself for now because I’m 50% sure I’m just wrong. But if I’m right, I’m gonna be real excited.
So, considering the ascension of my own portfolio to now include smut, possibly I am a hypocrite for admitting that I seriously do not know how to comment on smut scenes in a review. I was talking to someone else about this generally, and we were like… should there be a rating system? Like, from 1/10: Worse than my ex-husband to 9/10: I finished or 10/10: Twice ? Like, how?
But what’s important in a sex scene, in my opinion (unless it’s total PWP, in which case I doubt I’d be reading it because I need some character development), is the human element. And the interesting issue I thought you took on here with Hermione is how a young woman who is only just becoming sexually active comes to terms in her own mind with doing things that she very likely has been told throughout her life (whether express or implied) are immoral, dirty, and/or degrading. Not necessarily even by parents or authority figures, but society in general. And thankfully, she’s with someone who not only cares about her but is demonstrably grateful for her, and it doesn’t have to feel demeaning. There’s also a marked difference between how Hermione is processing healthy feelings of being in control, vs Ginny who is...sort of manifesting a warped desire for power and control because of her own experiences and trauma. To that end, I thought the “for him/ to him/ with him” line worked well.
Also, good for Ron (I say without a hint of irony).
Melanie
Author's Response:Hi, Melanie!
Now that he's not constantly preoccupied with trying not to be killed, Harry is starting to work out a lot of little things about life. He's far from dumb, but sometimes he just isn't applying his talents. In the beginning, he gives Doge the silent treatment just because he's a little annoyed and doesn't really know what to say. But once he sees it starting to work, it becomes more of a strategy move.
I had a lot of fun writing the dynamic that Doge recalls between himself and Dumbledore. Dumbles is such a neat character to explore because we only ever get glimpses of his humanity until very late in the story. Adding in things that further humanize him usually leads to some interesting developments.
I think that Doge had witnessed so many things go wrong over the preceding year that he needed a good, hard shove to get motivated again. Dumbledore's death followed by the fall of the Ministry were things that he probably hadn't considered possible. Like a lot of people, I think he was even a little skeptical about news of the Dark Lord's defeat until he saw Harry with his own eyes. He just needed to readjust his mindset.
Ha! I like your rating system, although I'm feeling doubt that I'll ever manage to write something that achieves 10/10. But an author can dream...
You captured the exact comparison and contrast I was hoping to create. Both Ginny and Hermioine get a rush from exerting control, but the underlying motivations are different. Hermione needs to feel in control because that's the type of person she is. Since Ron is still fairly hopeless in bed (or the bath), taking control is both satisfying and productive for her. Ginny, on the other hand, is atttempting to compensate for deep feelings of inadequacy and shame arising from the assault she suffered. That's not to say that she wouldn't be a take-charge sort of girl in bed even without those feelings (she totally would) but at this point she's engaged in a strange form of self-defense rooted in putting forth a strong offense, to use a tired sports metaphor. I haven't 100% decided in my own mind how Ginny's story will play out in the end.
Yeah, good for Ron. :p
Thank you, as always!
-Dan
Hi Dan! I’m (finally) here for your review request :D
Beginning this chapter with the mundane task of tying a tie is perfect. I appreciate how Hermione’s mind is clinging to anything routine to try not to think about the horrible object of the day—namely to bury Fred.
As guilty as Hermione feels about “adding to Ron’s problems” by needing his support at this moment—I bet that Ron is actually grateful to be able to step outside his grief for a moment to attend to her. Helping someone else is sometimes easier than dealing with our own pain.
Even worse than this anticipation of the dreaded funeral is the thought that the trio hasn’t really been happy since their third year of school. Ugh. It’s a fair assumption though.
Telling the funeral through Harry’s eyes was probably the best choice. It gives the reader the ability to take a step back from the pain—whereas if you’d written it through the eyes of one of the siblings (or worse, one of the parents) it would have been totally overwhelming.
I appreciated Harry’s refrain of Don’t think Don’t feel, and the way he was calling on his training growing up in the Dursley house to help him maintain his control. Like, it’s not super healthy to push down all your emotions, because eventually they will spring back up and need to be dealt with—but in this moment in enables Harry to do his job to carry Fred to his final resting place and to help support the family.
Oh my goodness, Molly’s grief is almost too much to bear. But I think it’s totally appropriate to what has happened. I’m not surprised at all that she’s been using some questionable charms to help keep herself going in the aftermath of the battle, and I’m not surprised that she totally loses it; even her magic gets out of control. This was truly gripping and I really like what you did with this scene.
This chapter was so heartbreaking—but you nailed it again with all the characterization, and it was very respectfully handled.
Awesome job Dan!
Yours,
Noelle
Hey Dan! I really appreciated your review on Irrepressible and wanted to return the favor.
Hospitals give me the heeby jeebies, and as much as I may love my friends and family members, I hate visiting people in the hospital; I don't know what it is. So this whole first scene with Ron felt very relatable.
If there was one thing Ron loved most about Hermione, it was the way that having her with him made awful situations better. Of course, there were lots of other things he loved about Hermione. Her smile. The way her hand felt in his. That little moaning noise she made when he kissed her neck in that one spot under her chin. But her ability to brighten up his life was tops in his book.
This was sweet and funny. It made my heart so very happy. I also really love where Ron tells Molly about Hermione and she says it's about time! I thought that was a nice feel-good moment that didn't detract from the gravity of the scene.
I am so interested by this clever idea that using the Elder Wand to repair Harry's original wand could have affected the holly wand's properties/ made it more powerful somehow! Once again I like the thought you put into worldbuilding topics.
You weren't kidding in your author's note about there being a lot of underwear talk in this chapter, but that kind of thing is good fodder for humor. Why do I find this part so funny?:
"Normal men wear boxers. Briefs are for football players and degenerates."
Like of all the things I can imagine Vernon Dursley ranting about, now I have to think about him ranting about dudes' underwear. (Is this a thing? Briefs are for footballers and degenerates? Or did you just make that up? Why do I find that so funny?)
Also, Harry in docksiders is an aesthetic I didn't know I needed, thank you for that. I frankly could be real happy with preppy!Ron while we're on that subject.
Random thought:
the trouser aisle where she introduced him to the concept of denim jeans
I am fairly certain that in canon the Weasley kids did wear jeans??
I was really glad that at least the scene with Ron and Hermione shopping together was awkward. I don't think a lot of new young couples would be quite as at ease as Harry and Ginny seemed to be when perusing underwear selections.
(Psst -- So bra shopping is wretched, FYI. I wish it were as easy as picking out a few things and throwing them in the cart. Apparently men's sizing is very uniform? Like you have a neck measurement and a waist measurement and an inseam measurement, and as far as I'm led to believe, they're true to size? Not so for women. A small in one brand can be bigger than an XL in another. Even one 36C bra can fit differently from another 36C bra, because being a woman is a cursed condition. The scene we all need now is Ron sitting on the bench outside the women's fitting room losing his g-d mind because Hermione has been in the fitting room for 75 minutes losing her mind because her cups are gapping and for some reason the left cup doesn't fit as well as the right cup.) /rant
The scene where Kingsley asks for help makes it pretty clear that all these kids are gettin' real tired of being pawns in someone else's game, even though Kingsley is a good egg and I'm sure they know that.
Ron appeared in the doorway wearing a shirt that Harry had never seen before and a pair of denim jeans with the flies undone. Hermione entered behind him and Harry couldn't help but do a double-take. She was wearing a rather tight-fitting skirt and a white blouse with the top three buttons undone.
^So here's basically my eternal Romione headcanon, just them in a state of slight disarray because they've been messing around and occasionally poor Harry stumbles across this and is like, "Jesus Christ, zip up, please." Which, I mean, the great thing here is that you've left it open to interpretation; they literally could have been just trying on their clothes, or they could've been doing other things, which I suspect from Hermione's comment about getting home earlier than Harry and Ginny.
And funny enough, this all kind of goes back to the smut-related discussion -- because while I have always been a big fan of being oblique and fading to black, now that I have summitted the Smutty Everest (as one HPFTer said to me) I can hardly fault anyone else for getting into details; but on the other hand there is a big part of me that often feels that leaving something to the imagination can really be funnier, sexier, and more effective than the alternative -- and cheeky, playful scenes like you've done here, alluding to something more, are a prime example.
Ginny rolled her eyes. "Is that a new bra, Hermione?" she asked sarcastically. "Do you think they have that in my size?"
^I have some question about Ginny's intentions here. I think I get that she's poking fun at Hermione, and it's not unlike the way Harry tells Ron to zip up at the end, but I do think there are some different things about how women interact with one another and men interact with one another, and honestly when Ginny does things like this it feels a little Mean Girls. I've experienced enough to know that it's a thing for men to bust balls in public, but typically women will go out of their way to not embarrass a female friend (or even just another woman, even if not a friend) in front of other people. For a girl or woman to throw out a remark like this in front of people -- especially guys, and especially when she knows her friend is modest -- does feel mean-spirited. If it were me, I'd do something like tug at the collar area of my own shirt when the guys weren't looking to indicate she should button up, or I'd step over to her and whisper it to her.
Anyhoo, all this is to say that if the reason you wrote Ginny like this is to show she's still lashing out and you intend for her to come off a little mean-spirited and crass, then I think this works. But if that wasn't the intention, I might rethink how Ginny interacts with Hermione like this in the company of others. Putting aside behaviors relating to the trauma she has experienced and the stress she is going through, I don't see canon Ginny as someone who would get kicks out of embarrassing another girl for sport -- I think she is probably a women-supporting-women kind of person.
"Ron, zip up, mate," is still funny, probably because of its brevity and offhand nature.
Going back a bit, the part where Ron and Hermione had that awkward little moment where they both seem to be worrying that each one is pressuring the other into leaving for Australia soon, felt very real, and ultimately it seems they're seeing that they are on the same page, which is nice.
Melanie
Author's Response:Hi, Melanie!
It's funny that the longest review you've written (I think) was for the underwear chapter. Everyone loves talking about underwear.
Not a whole lot I can add about the hospital scene. Even in her medicated, delusional state, Molly is thankful that Ron finally got around to getting with Hermione.
Stay tuned on Harry's wand. Harry has a theory right now, and he takes Ollivander's uncertainty as partial confirmation. But he might not be completely correct...
I don't think briefs are only for athletes and degenerates, but it made sense to me that a stuffy, portly guy like Vernon would see it that way. Underwear is a combination of what you grew up with and what you develop a taste for.
When I think back to the costumes in the movies, it seemed like Ron usually wore something other than denim jeans, like corduroys or khaki pants. Maybe my memory is failing, though.
You have all my sympathy where bra shopping is concerned. Men are not completely unfamiliar with inconsistent apparel sizing (dress clothes are horrible in this regard) but I think it's much less of a common problem. And the visual impact of sizing problems is a little less severe due to the generally looser cut of mens clothing. If Hermione tried to tell Ron about her cups gapping, my guess is that he'd cover his ears and start singing the Hogwarts song at the top of his lungs.
You and I have very similar head canon where Ron and Hermione's private life is concerned. They hold it together really well in public, but once they're behind closed doors I feel like they tend to lose their minds a bit. I have ideas for future chapters. I'm excited about them.
You make a really good poing about Ginny's snarky little comment to Hermione. I should probably adjust that a bit. Maybe after I sumbit the next chapter, so the HPFT twitter bot doesn't make people think that I've updated when I've only edited. I definitely did not mean for her to come across as mean-spirited.
Thanks again for all of your thoughts and reactions. They are very helpful!
-Dan
Hey Dan! Here for your review request!
So this opening scene here. Honestly, I think it was exceptionally well done. Part of me wanted to say that it was tastefully done, which feels weird because nothing about sexual assault, even implied, is tasteful, but I think you probably understand what I mean? It wasn't gratuitous or exploitative, which is the important thing. Sometimes an incredibly traumatic and horrific event like this is necessary to the plot and to a character's story, and you handled it very well. The actions and dialogue leading up to it were perfectly chilling, and I think you went right up to the line and stopped at the exact right point.
And, I mean, I am pretty desensitized to human depravity, but I thought the way you captured Ginny's emotions and experience in this paragraph was very moving:
"Silencio!" The spell struck Ginny in the throat and her voice fell silent. As she passed through the doorway into the loo, it felt as though she was falling. Crashing downward into a dark, cold place filled with cruel laughter. There were hands everywhere, tugging at her clothes, painfully squeezing her breasts, prying her knees apart... All the while, she was falling downward. Deeper and deeper into the darkness.
Ugh. There are several reasons why that paragraph is so powerful. First of all, in recent years we have recognized that a response to an attack or trauma is not necessarily "fight or flight"; it is "fight, flight, or freeze," because freezing is a completely natural response for many people (yes, even sometimes Gryffs) -- and that is not to say that Ginny necessarily just froze, but the feeling of not being able to or not wanting to fight back -- even to the point of blacking out -- is becoming a more recognized experience/reaction to this kind of thing.
I think one of the most chilling things is the "Silencio" -- which obviously makes sense; if you could do magic and needed to conceal wrongdoing, of course you would use it -- but it makes the experience for the victim extra awful. It's like one of those dreams where you're being chased but can't move or you're yelling but nobody hears you or pays attention.
Anyway, very well handled, and it certainly is a realistic event to have happened to Ginny, and in general looking at the way you're writing her throughout this chapter and this fic more generally, I think you're doing a good job with her as a survivor of assault. There are a number of ways survivors react and adapt and act, and they don't always make sense to people on the outside, but it can range from feelings of being dirty and unworthy to being very sexually open, even aggressive, to try to regain control - or even a mixture of the two, like we see in Ginny.
Which is really sad, right, because we all know that if Harry knew he would still love her and just burn the world down to destroy the people who did it, but from the inside looking out if you're Ginny, it's impossible to believe that.
I love that you did this middle section from Kingsley's POV! We don't get a very strong acquaintance wth his character in canon, just a few glimpses from Harry's POV, but from what we do know of him I think you did him very well. It made me feel like I need a Kingsley fic in my life. Kingsley's POV was a great way to discuss and explore this idea of what Harry's going to do after DH and how he comes to join the Auror Division. Kingsley is so thoughtful and fair-minded; the exact kind of person who needs to be Minister, yet the very kind of person who would find the position (and everything that comes with it) so distasteful. His POV is also a great way to continue to explore the current state of the Ministry and British wizarding affairs in general. Man, the idea of the Wizengamot just looking to Harry to solve the problems they've ignored is right on the money. And I'm glad Kingsley sees this and recognizes it and is looking to actively do the best thing for Harry. And it's so interesting that joining the Aurors is at once the best and the worst thing Harry could do, but in a weird way that makes sense!
Tell the Wizengamot that they were welcome to his resignation and also suggest where they might store the document for safekeeping.
^WTF, if I'd been drinking anything I would have spit it out; that is such a fantastic way to rephrase that particular sentiment. I'm gonna keep this and use it in everyday life if you don't mind.
By the way:
It was still warm and juicy, but it left a distinct aftertaste of magic on the back of his tongue.
What an awesome detail/observation??? "Left an aftertaste of magic" -- I would never have thought of this. I love this kind of attention to detail.
Hey, do you mean that I could have been using Episkey to take care of hickeys? Where was this information like 15 years ago?
Pfft. Wizards, man.
The girl talk seems to play pretty well. It seems fairly typical for two girls in their late teens, one of whom is more experienced or at least more open than the other. I might possibly ask yourself --
For a brief moment, Ginny debated whether to answer honestly. How much did she really want her brother's girlfriend to know about her sex life? On the other hand, they were reaching a point where Hermione knew so much about her sex life that it would be really hard for the older girl to backtrack and grass her up.
-- how does your Ginny see Hermione? As her friend, first and foremost? Or as her brother's girlfriend? Because I think there's a difference. And Hermione has only been Ron's girlfriend for all of a few days to weeks (despite having been dancing around the issue for some time). And the way you're portraying Ginny's and Hermione's relationship, in previous chapters up to this point, seems like they have a fairly good bond independent of Hermione's romantic relationship with Ron. Like if I have a friend, and then she starts dating my brother, I don't demote her from "friend" to "brother's girlfriend," if that makes sense. It does make sense that Ginny would always be cognizant that Hermione is Ron's friend, and Harry's friend, perhaps even on a deeper level than Hermione is Ginny's friend, but I don't know whether that translates to a fear that Hermione will rat out Ginny's exploits to her parents.
This was a great chapter; I liked the focus on Ginny, with the little Kingsley interlude for some variety.
Melanie
Author's Response:Hi, Melanie!
No matter how the reader felt about the first scene of this chapter, it's always hard to decide how to respond to the review. I definitely don't want to celebrate, you know? "Hell, yeah, I nailed that sexual assault scene!" But I am really pleased that you thought it was handled well. That scene went through more revisions that probably anything else I've ever written. Aside from the first chapter, I think that was the most important scene in the story to get right because so much of Ginny's character arc is shaped by that event.
You're exactly right about how Ginny is dealing with the aftermath of her experience. She uses overtly sexual behavior toward Harry to try to conceal how she really feels inside. And at least so far, it's working. Sometimes it works so well that she even believes it, herself. You're also correct about how Harry would really feel, but Ginny is too traumatized to see it.
I've enjoyed writing Kingsley so far in this story. He's another character who didn't get much screen time in the books, so it allows for a fresh perspective. His scenes also provide a broader context of what's going on in the magical world. Feel free to use Kingsley's thoughts on document retention wherever they prove helpful.
Maybe it's just me head canon working overtime, but I like the idea that witches and wizards -- especially ones that are older and more experienced -- have a sort of sixth sense for the presence of magic. That they can tell, for instance, when they're eating something that's been prepared or preserved with magic. The sensation isn't bad, per se, just different.
Yeah, we all could have used a little Episkey at some point in our lives.
I think the way Ginny sees Hermione is... multifaceted. She definitely sees her as a friend, but also as a sort of older sister. And whether or not she likes it (spoiler alert, she does not like it) she understands that taking Hermione into her confidence sometimes places Hermione in an awkward situation vis-a-vis Ron. Part of Hermione's role in the group is that she can be "the adult" at times, like when she told McGonagall about the Firebolt Harry received. So I'm not sure that Ginny thinks that Hermione will run straight to Ron or her parents if she finds out how much sex Ginny and Harry are having, it's more that she's not exactly sure what Hermione will do with the information and she's worried about losing control over things.
This was, first and foremost, Ginny's chapter. I'm glad you liked it.
-Dan
Hey, Dan! :)
Thank you so much for swapping, I needed an excuse to stop by here again... it's been way too long... :P
And this chapter was so good, just as always! I love these characters and what you are doing with them more and more!
Poor Ginny... I can't blame her for being so agitated... it's not easy to date the Boy-Who-Lived... :P And as always Harry doesn't quite know how to deal with her wild emotions... I loved the way he didn't know how to cut through all her questions... and I can't believe he actually Silencio-ed her??? I'm surprised she didn't kill him... :D But I loved their conversation, and the obvious care they have for each other. It was such a lovely scene! Also, I really, really loved this line: Harry was starting to suspect that where girls were concerned, there was a bad kind of crying and a good kind of crying. It sounds like something Harry would think, but also it sounds so true? And I really felt for him when he started crying! I love that he loves her so much and that he's so scared she doesn't see it! But I'm glad Ginny doesn't want for him to renounce to his Auror ambition... at least not before she's given the thing some actual thought. That's very mature of her! And I love Harry's suggestion that she could give support to her family by helping George! George definitely needs help, and it would be very good for Ginny too... I can totally see how she would feel so useless in a time like that!
Poor Ron... quite a long trip for a first time on an airplane... :P I can imagine he would have trouble sleeping... sleeping during an intercontinental flight is uncomfortable and difficult enough without all the thoughts troubling him... it makes me sad that he has such a low consideration of himself, that he's so scared of messing up and that he thinks it's in his nature to mess up, even... I mean, he's never been the most sensible of people, but... If he wanted Hermione to stay with him, the most important thing for Ron to do was not to act like Ron. This feels a bit harsh... after all Hermione has chose him, as much as she finds him irritating at times... but I do love that he wants to be better for her. And I do adore the way he feels about her, the way he looks at her as she sleeps. It's just so endearing! She was far too smart and resourceful to let a little thing like eighteen million muggles spread across a continent stop her. This must be my favourite line in the whole chapter! Yes, what are eighteen million muggles for Hermione Granger? It made me chuckle a lot! :D
I have to agree with Neville, seeing Luna so broken feels just wrong! Their section was just so sad, they're both so alone, so unsteady at the moment... well, not alone... they have each other... but still it must be so horrible for Luna to realize that everything from her old life is lost... and so horrible for Neville to realize that despite the war being over, despite his parents being "vindicated", certain things won't be fixed... I'm glad they've somehow found the strenght to turn the page and start anew, though! The idea of travelling the world together seems like the best decision for them at the moment! Once again, I'm very glad they have each other! <3
This was a brilliant chapter! I love this story so much! Thank you again for swapping!!!
Lots of love,
Chiara
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