FanficTalk Archive
Unleash Your Fandom
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 03/12/2014
Review tag!
I like this chapter a lot, it looks like the beginning to a great story! You are really great with internal monologues, and this is no exception. I like Molly so far, there is a lot of personality evident in just one chapter and it's great.
What a dull breakup speech, I don't blame her for letting her mind wander during it. Or for breaking up with the guy, haha. He sounds so boring. Good for you Molly, be empowered! Change your life! :D
Agatha Painsley-Bumbershuffle hahaha. She has a too-perfect life (blech) but I guess it makes up for her name. I love the name just because its so absurd hehe
also, the dinner conversation. Percy was hilariously awkward, Audrey hilariously dramatic. I don't blame Molly for being nervous about bringing it up! The part about her eloquent potions essays made me laugh. What a dinner... Her and her metaphors, while her Dad stabs his food silently and her Mum worries that she hasn't found her soulmate when she's twenty. So silly... yet still, not too silly to be unrealistic haha!
sorry, I think this review is just rambling - its kind of late - but I wanted to say that I loved it and your characters are fantastic - as always!
Author's Response: Heya! So lovely to hear from you again :)
Molly is just so fantastic to write. Sometimes I wonder if it's a little worrying how easily she comes to me and translates onto the page, but that's half her charm.
Her boyfriend needs some lessons in excitement for sure! He didn't even try and make an effort into giving a meaningful and heartfelt break up speech - definitely not worth Molly's time!
Agatha has been one of my favourite characters to write! We only get to see her through the eyes of Molly but she's just so fantastic.
I loved writing the marital dynamic between Percy and Audrey. Marrying someone like Audrey would be the first and last reckless and exciting thing he does in his life because let's be real, marriage to a person like Audrey is excitement enough.
Thanks so much for this lovely review!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 03/02/2014
Hi there! RANDOM REVIEW!!!
Actually, I'm checking out the Five Elements Challenge entries, because it's a great challenge and I'm curious to see how you incorporated everything. Mine were all so random! Haha! Oooh! And I see that you combined a bunch of challenges too! Awesome!
Poor Molly! Bad coffee, bad company, the worst cliche' break-up speech in the history of break-up speeches... There's nothing like an annoying person from your past spouting ridiculous notions to wake you up to reality. Though this Agatha seems like a crazed, over-the-top ""my life is perfect"" character. I bet her life isn't as perfect as she's making it out to be. Oh, but she is SOOO entertaining!
I love how Molly has resolve for all of three seconds, and then she crumbles. It's so realistic though, because change is hard, even when you figure out that it's necessary, and you want it to happen. I'm rooting for her, though. At least she changed her story in front of her family... for about three seconds. *covers eyes* Oh, Molly! You can do it!!!
In the first chapter, you've already grabbed me with your witty lines and your quirky characters, you've used the Love Quote Challenge line, and TWO of your five elements! Bravo!
And I am highly entertained!! *runs off to next chapter*
Author's Response: Hey there! Lovely to hear from you, as always!
Agatha Painsley-Bumbershuffle was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak for poor Molly. But it's strange where one's wake up calls come from. Bad coffee is definitely a good sign though. And Agatha's life... You haven't seen the last of her, let's just leave it at that.
Change is difficult. I can't resolve myself and stick to the plan in the first go. She does get it all off her chest, though, which is a start. It doesn't help that her parents aren't exactly the most sympathetic.
Lovely to hear from you!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 03/01/2014
Hi! I'm reviewing this for Blackout Bingo :)
This was such an amusing but also very thoughtful piece of writing. I think you did wonderfully in incorporating the quote about accepting the love we think we deserve into the story. I already find myself rooting for Molly and hoping she can change her life! She's a very likable character. Her interaction with her parents was so funny, especially her inner thoughts. I kept giggling.
This was probably my favorite bit: ""Molly couldn’t help but feel as if this was some sort of metaphor for her life."" The part about the fork was just so funny! I liked that you stated specifically what the food is too--a lot of time I feel like meals get ignored in favor of just focusing on the action/conversation, but you really incorporated the meal into the action, which was awesome!
Overall, great job! This was a lot of fun to read, and I wish you good luck in all the challenges!
Sam
Author's Response: Heya!
Writing this first chapter was a surprisingly introspective experience for me. My writing isn't known for being particularly deep, so you finding it thoughtful means a lot to me. I'm glad that you're rooting for Molly already!
Don't you just get moments like that sometimes? When you see some inconsequential event and go ""that is my life right now"". Mentioning food was my way of including at least some description. I'm so bad at it usually, so I'm glad that you enjoyed it :)
Thanks so much :)
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 01/16/2014
I really love Molly's narrative voice in this. It's so snarky and sharp. I love the internal monologue that you write - it really brings life to her character and fleshes her out.
I like that this story doesn't start from a point of ""oh no, my boyfriend broke up with me, my heart is breaking"". She already knew that she didn't want to see him anymore and I like that about her. She's very sure of herself. Her parents' reaction to her news was very telling. Clearly she feels this pressure to provide them with the perfect daughter with the perfect life but she's not living up to it. Poor thing. Loved the analogy with the lamb chop, too. So funny!
A very good opening chapter! It's always nice to be thrown right in there and this chapter certainly does that. Well done!
Marina
Author's Response: Thank you! I've never written an extended piece in third person, so the inner monologue proved to be a bit of a challenge.
Molly is very sure of herself, but at the same time, she isn't either. That makes her a fun character to play with. And I wanted to write about a relationship that was already done - people move on all the time. Expectations from family can feel suffocating at times. She's just trying to figure out a way to get through it all.
Thanks so much for this lovely review!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 01/14/2014
YAY! A MOLLY FIC DEDICATED TO WHERE SHE ISN'T MOLLY ANYMORE! HIGH-FIVE!
Sobering up from my coffee tirade now... Lets start from the start, shall we?
""Perhaps I should have decided to change my life tomorrow,"" is easily one of the best things about this chapter. I connect with this on such an emotional level. In that moment, I *was* Molly!
""Percy Weasley had always bealieved that nothing should come between a man and his salt - not even dangerously high sodium levels."" Okay, quick question: how do you make your characters so believable. Not only am I relating to Molly, but I'm relating to Percy too! And only because he loves salt! You create such three dimensional characters, and I can't help but love them and relate to them! Kudos to you! KUDOS!
Lucy's in Slytherin? AWESOME!!! I find that so many people put the Next Gen characters in Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff (save Albus, who is sometimes in Slytherin), so it was nice to not only see a Next Gen character in Slytherin, but for it to be a character who is not particularly the center of very many Next Gen fics (at least that I've read).
Oh, and also: Molly dearest, Agatha Painsley-Bumbershuffle may have a 'perfect' life, but just be thankful your name is Molly Weasley. Honestly, that name is a mouthful and I can't look at it without laughing!
You're making me hungry with all this talk of lamb risotto! AND I'VE NEVER EVEN HAD LAMB RISOTTO!! This is how good you write. I'm craving food I've never had before!
Basically: I really liked this! I'm excited to see where this goes, especially because you wrote it (I love your writing), the banner is super awesome (AWESOME!), and the premise is super interesting!
Keep working on this because it has the potential to go far, especially with you being the one to write it!
Amazing job!
Lo :P
Author's Response: MOLLY FIC DEDICATED TO WHERE SHE ISN'T MOLLY ANYMORE HIGH-FIVE RIGHT BACK ATCHA!
Molly is obviously a true procrastinator - I do that all the time, so I totally know where she's coming from. I'm glad that I am not alone!
Everyone has these weird little habits and characteristics - Percy loves his salt. I'm so happy that you think this makes the character a little more believable and gives them some depth. I'm always worried that I somehow caricaturise them by just throwing in these off-hand comments about their salt addiction and high sodium levels.
When I planned out where all the Potter-Weasley kids would go, I'd tried to make it an even sort of spread. It's important to keep in mind that the Weasley/Potter parent is not the only influence in their lives - except for Harry's kids, who get a double dose of it, the poor things.
Dude, Molly doesn't even need to look that far for awkward names. Have you met her cousin Albus Severus Potter? But I adore Agatha's last name so much!
LAMB RISOTTO IS AMAZING. How I make it is basically, you cook normal risotto, then you put in your leftover roast lamb and BAM! LAMB RISOTTO READY FOR YOUR CULINARY PLEASURE.
Aww! I'm blushing and squeeing and just generally rolling around on the floor from all the praise! Thanks so much! I hope I don't disappoint!
AND THE BANNER! I KNOW RIGHT? ISN'T IT JUST PERFECTLY AMAZING? I AM IN LOVE WITH IT. LIKE SERIOUSLY.
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 01/13/2014
Oh my goodness, too cute!
Can I just say that I relate full on with Molly with the coffee bit. I HATE wasting money, especially when it comes to food or drink. If I bought it, I'm finishing it. (It'd explain the few extra pounds I so desperately wish to get rid of xD).
OK, as for the beginning, it's like you had me at ""hello"" because my favorite book in the entire planet is Perks. Seriously, so be happy you got that quote! :) And the way she just waits for him to finish breaking up with her made me laugh. I mean it's upsetting that she's so bored and unhappy with her life, but it's also amusing to see her reactions. Especially since the only thing she has to look forward to is the sugar at the bottom of her coffee.
I really like the fact that she doesn't want a perfect life. We always read about characters who strive for a perfect life and the life they think they should always have, but Molly wants exactly the opposite that, and I want to see her journey to get there!
Her parent's reactions made me giggle. And the eloped theory got me thinking. I liked the metaphor bits, too. Honestly, this first chapter was cheerfully delightful and I really liked it. I'll add it to my reading list to keep up with it. :) Great job!
~Mae
Author's Response: I was raised never to waste food and that money didn't grow on trees, and coffee is always so expensive! Even if I'm going to throw up afterward, I'm finishing it!
I haven't read Perks, so I had no idea in what context that quote appears. I was really worried about doing it wrong though, because I know it's a book that's close to a lot of people's hearts, and I didn't want to not do it justice. I'm so glad that you it worked!
Molly does want a perfect life, in a way - she just doesn't want the kind of life that other people tell her is perfect. She wants to choose her own perfect, if you get what I'm saying. I'm looking forward to writing her getting there!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it :)
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 01/12/2014
Hi! I'm here for review tag!
I really really enjoyed reading this chapter! It was fun and interesting, and I found it a really interesing take on Molly, Percy and Audrey. I don't think Molly is written quite often enough, and I really enjoyed how you characterized her.
I also really really enjoyed Audrey's dramatics at the dinner table. They were believable and entertaining, and I could actually see the scene unfolding in my head. Molly's frustration, Audrey's dramatics and Percy shrugging it off to eat his food because he just didn't want to get into the middle of it.
I really enjoyed this chapter, and brilliant of you to combine all those challenges! I'm sure it made it easier on yourself in the long run! I hope you did/do well in them!!
xoxo LL
Author's Response: Molly isn't written almost nearly enough, which is a little weird because you can take her in so many different directions, and they're all wonderful! And Percy is definitely the odd Weasley out so I couldn't resist!
I really loved writing Percy and Audrey's oddball romantic comedy relationship. I'm glad they were still believable. I wanted them to be on opposite ends of the spectrum, but it not to be like, ""What? No! As if that ever happened!""
I've found that challenges give me a little focus, which is often just what I need to get a chapter done. Also, deadlines make me get my game face on!
Thanks so much for dropping by and reviewing :)
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 01/12/2014
Oh my word, I love this! Molly is so delightfully angsty. There are so many details that I love about this chapter, so excuse me while I ramble them off inarticulately.
I love the name of her friend from Hogwarts, how it so perfectly matches her ""perfect"" (as in, BORING) life. And I love that it's her blabbering on about her ""perfect"" life that makes Molly realize she doesn't want ""perfect."" I love the repetition of the tables, and how Molly muses that her big life decisions must all happen at tables. I love the contrast between Audrey and Percy, and how Percy looks to Audrey to make sure he's saying the right thing. And I love that Molly is taking charge of her life (or at least trying to).
Okay, now that that's out of the way... I'm really enjoying this story so far. Not only are the plot and characterization great, but your writing is natural and well-crafted. I'm adding it to my favorites to remind myself to come back and read the second chapter (hopefully tomorrow).
-- Gina
Author's Response: *blushes* I didn't think of Molly as angsty, but now I'm sort of pleased that you see her that way, because I can't write angst to save my life, but here I have this main character who's (delightfully) angsty almost by accident!
I love Agatha's name. Hyphened last names lend themselves so well to coming up with the most character-revealing combinations! All my life decisions tend to involve tables, mainly because I make a lot of life decisions whilst I'm eating, so tables seemed like a legit place. And you can tell that Audrey probably wears the pants in that marriage!
Thanks so much for this fantabulous review! This is a new type of story for me, so I'm so pleased that it's being so well-received!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 01/02/2014
Hey, here from Review Tag!
Wow, that is a lot of quotes, and a lot of challenges! I'm sure it was tough to tie all of that together into a story; kudos to you :)
I love the internal monologue you have going on while Molly is being dumped. It creates a great comedic effect, like her ex-boyfriend's pretentious speech is so boring even she can't stand to listen to it with him right in front of her. More than that, she's already plotting her next move before he's even wrapped things up. I kind of hope she got up and stormed out of the cafe mid-sentence as soon as her terrible coffee was finished, just to see if he would stop.
The dinner scene was pretty funny, too. Audrey's reaction was way over the top, but I can imagine some mothers acting that way, even with their daughters at the tender age of twenty. I really liked Percy's sort of bemused observation of the whole thing, the only semi-calm person at the table. I can only imagine how confused they were as Molly unloaded all of her emotional baggage on them. And of course, the comparison to her sister was perfectly realistic, so that was great, too.
I did think this line was a little heavy-handed: It seemed as if that piece of lamb had provided her with another metaphor for her life.
I think you could improve the flow there by writing it so we see the connection between the lamb and Molly's life a little more subtly. For example, you could describe how the lamb fell limply back into the rice, like a trap, and it vaguely reminded Molly of her circumstances.
Nice first chapter! I do see a big improvement in continuity and realism from earlier work of yours that I've read, and I think this story is going to be really enjoyable and unique. For sure, you have a much better grasp on humor that I have :)
-Amanda
Author's Response: ALL THE CHALLENGES ALL THE TIME.
I just loved writing her ex-boyfriend's break-up speech simply because it's just so unoriginal. It's like the guy went and watched a tonne of chick flicks and picked up lines to use from them! And the coffee was so bad, it probably lasted longer than the speech, so I can just imagine Molly sitting there after he's left just trying to finish the cup.
I've never written someone like Audrey, so that was quite fun to write. Her melodrama is very inspired by all the Indian soaps I secretly watch! And Percy... I can imagine him being in a perpetual state of bemusement in his household.
Thanks for the tip on that line! I've made a note of it, so when I go back to like edit, or whatever, I'll try and improve it!
I'm so happy that you think I've improved. I really admire your writing, so this is like such a huge compliment! THanks so much :D
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 01/01/2014
Hey there! KatieRoo from the forums here with your challenge review!(:
Can I just say, I love the non-typical Molly. Everyone and their mother makes her the girl version of Percy, and I can't. I just can't. Obviously, since I have my own Molly fic, Molly is seriously a favorite for me, so extra points there.(;
But I simply adore Molly's dry humor. Haha she was such an amusing character! I can't believe she actually sat through the break up speech, I was expecting her to just walk off, haha.
And geez, Percy and Audrey are pieces of work. And thats an understatement. I love the fact that you made them polar opposites. And they eloped?! Ahahaha! Wonderful detail!(:
Geez, this was seriously delightful! And a wonderer, stunning way to use my quote! Definitely didn't picture something like this with that quote, but it was way better than anything I imagined!:P
Again, good luck in all the challenges this is entered for, and a great big thank you for participating in my challenge!(:
Cheers, and a very Happy New Year to you dear!
Katie(:
Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for dropping by!
I've always imagined Molly to be really torn between being the girl version of Percy and the anti-Percy. I think it's a very relateable struggle she has though.
She probably waited to finish her coffee before she left. And the coffee was terrible enough that it lasted longer than the break-up speech!
I can imagine Percy eloping if the moment calls for it! And Audrey was just such a blast to write!
I haven't read the book, nor seen the film, so I didn't really know the context in which the quote happens. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to participate! It was great inspiration for a new story!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 12/27/2013
Hi there! Here I am!
I saw this and have been interested in it ever since I heard u had a new story out- from the title of course. But, I liked your writing style. The second of the twelve days of reviewing gave me another reason to read this :) and I don't regret it!
Since this is not a requested review, I'm going to fangirl in it! And probably no CC, so sorry!! Ah! awesome!!! I loved it! Molly's character! And her ex boyfriend! Hilarious! I love the metaphors of her life!! And Percy! I think he's awesome in this! Amazing job!! Yay!
And the description! Wow! I couldn't find one thing u could improve on!! Ah!
You've really improved with transitions! From saying, 'later that day' to using the tables as a way of changing scene! I loved that, btw, the table comments!! :D
Great job!! Update soon!
Author's Response: I just want to say thank you once again for your help with the title. I'm usually terrible with them, but I always manage to come up with something, but this time I was drawing a total blank! I kind of like how long and unwieldy it is.
I'm glad you like Molly's character. I connect really strongly with her, and I'm just so happy how well-received she's been so far! And I have a soft spot for Percy, so I couldn't help writing him not as a stiff!
OMG THE DESCRIPTION WAS OKAY? I THOUGHT THERE WASN'T ENOUGH (AS USUAL).
I'm glad to hear that I've improved! Transitions are difficult sometimes :P
Thanks so much for the review!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 12/22/2013
Hey there, I'm here to review for the Rick Riordan Challenge. You didn't post the entry but I was stalking the humor genre as I often do and I saw this so I decided to read it and review!
I'd actually forgotten what the quote that I had given you was so I went and looked back at the challenge to see. I can see that Molly hasn't been taking that nap that she's been needing to take since she has such great power.
By the sounds of it, Molly is over stressed and in serious need of a vacation (and a nap). I love the sarcasm and dry humor that is just pouring out of Molly. She sounds like someone I would get along with just because we're so alike.
I love how while her boyfriend is trying to break up with her she's not even thinking about what he's saying at all, instead she's pondering her life. I feel like Molly was done with her ex-boyfriend long before he actually broke up with her.
She just sits there as an obligation and endures his rant. Instead of being heartbroken, Molly is waiting for the break-up speech to finish so that she can leave. I'm sorry but I just really really love Molly. Molly is my spirit animal, you feel me? I'd probably be doing the exact same thing in her situation.
My goodness though, Audrey is certainly one for theatrics, I am actually wondering how on earth Percy got married to someone who seems to have a flair for theatre. But I think Audrey works for Percy. I'm wondering how she would've convinced Percy to elope with her, that seems almost impossible given the type of person that he is. I must applaud Audrey on that achievement though if she did get him to elope.
Agatha Painsley-Bumbershuffle, goodness what kind of a name is that. Did she get made fun for it while she attended school. I cannot think of a parent who would give their child such a name unless they were being cruel. Her character sounds like she fits the name perfectly by the description that you've given her however. I wonder if Agatha is going to show up any more in the story.
But anyway, great job and I look forward to the rest of this story!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for dropping by! I didn't post the entry because I haven't included the quote yet - hopefully in chapter two, though! I didn't want to preemptively enter it and then not have anything to actually show.
I agree that Molly needs a vacation (and everyone needs a nap all the time). All my main female characters seem to have the same sort of humour, but I like writing Molly because she's at a different part of her life than the other two.
Molly's boyfriend is so clueless. As if you can't tell when someone isn't listening to your breakup spiel! That scene was a lot of fun to write! Molly has done a lot of things out of obligation, I think - an obligatory breakup is nothing out of the ordinary for her! I'm really happy that you feel about Molly that way. I hope the feeling continues as the story goes on!
I have never written a character like Audrey before, but I've always wanted to, so this felt like the perfect opportunity. And Percy probably just got bamboozled into the whole thing, the poor soul. I do like the idea of their dynamic though.
Agatha Painsley-Bumbershuffle's name is just as annoyingly fun as she is. She'd be the type who owned a name like that during school - no one would dare make fun of her for it. I don't understand why you wouldn't change your name yourself if you had one like Bumbershuffle! And yes there is more Agatha in store!
Thanks so much for this lovely review! I hope you enjoy the actual challenge entry chapter just as much :)
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 12/21/2013
wow - challenge-palooza
Molly has quite a bit of patience to sit through a break-up she's only partially upset by. I love that she's bored by his prattling and is instead letting her mind wander to other issues. Definitely a sign that the relationship was not that exciting for her.
I liked her wake-up call from Agatha Really-Long-Last-name. It's awesome to have those moments of clarity in one's love life. And, uh, no, it's not worth it. :D
Percy and Audrey's reaction to her break-up made me want to get a huge protesting sign that says ""a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"" and parade it around their house. Audrey's reaction of who will marry her now is the worst. The whole idea of latching onto the best thing to pass your way (even if it's not the best for you) is a toxic relationship idea!! ugh!! It kind of makes me wonder how passionately excited Audrey was about Percy. I mean, he's kind of a dweeb.
I LOVED Molly's rant about not being happy. I almost cheered!!! Her parents' response on the other hand... *sigh*
This looks like it will be amazing!
-Rose
uh, review tag!
Author's Response: It's challenge galore, isn't it?
I just love Molly for so many things. She's quite different from my other leading ladies, in that her motivations are quite different. She's not happy with her life and knows it.
Agatha Painsley-Bumbershuffle was a character that I had so much fun writing. The reader never gets to meet her, but she still has such a big influence on Molly and her decision to haul her life over.
Audrey's reaction really is something, isn't it? I've actually been wondering if I should write a sort of companion prequel for Audrey and Percy's relationship. I have a very good idea about how it actually happened, so I'll consider it once I finish this story! ""Settling"" really is such a toxic concept when it comes to relationships, be they romantic or otherwise.
I wrote her parents' reaction that way to showcase that it wasn't just all inside Molly's head. There really were things in her life that she needed to change if she wanted to be happy.
Thanks so much for this review! A new story always makes me anxious :)
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 12/21/2013
I'm here from Review Tag!
First of all, whoo! another story! Secondly, that is some title :).
Because Molly had decided to make some life changes and due to her outlook at her relationship and life in general, her reaction to the breakup was extremely believable. The bored, uncaring, emotional disconnectedness she exhibits was entertaining. It seemed like an awfully droll breakup; doesn't that boy know when to shut up? -_- At least he's breaking up with her...saves her from having to do it :).
I loved Audrey's reaction to the breakup (""Who will marry you now?"")-that was funny. Her mother's overreactions are priceless. Also, I think that you did a brilliant job with Percy's characterization. He's just the way I would have expected him to turn out.
So this was definitely a great start; I'm very excited for the next installment!
-Rumpel
Author's Response: It is some title, indeed! I have a lot of people to thank for it, too!
I'm so happy that you picked up on that! This breakup came at such a perfect time in her life. It sort of makes her kickstart her road to finding out what she really wants and who she really is. I loved writing Molly that way. Often you see that the guy is the unresponsive one in a relationship, but I wanted Molly to be that one here. She's a lot of fun to write that way.
I loved writing Audrey. Some part of her personality secretly dwells in a historical romance, I think. She's a great contrast to write to Percy, who is so very pragmatic in so many things.
Thanks so much for this wonderful review. It was so lovely of you to drop in and take a look! *hugs*
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 12/20/2013
Hello there, it is me again! And I'm so excited that you have a new story for me to smother in (secretive) review goodness! I actually think this might become my new favourite of your WIPs. Not that they're not all amazing, but this one i think has a real maturity and organized eloquence to the writing which is a real joy to experience.
I love Molly so far. She has this really unique and interesting character, and I love how she's trying to break away from the moulds of Agatha P-B and be her own person, not the kind of daughter Percy would expect to raise. The portrayal of her is quite unique in my opinion and I'm looking forard to getting to know her better! Her inner thoughts were so amusing as well, like how she admitted that the breakup was because of her, not Johnny in contrast to his speech, and how she was excited about the sugar at the bottom of the coffee. :P But then there were also these moments which showed how she conformed a little or was guilted or pressured into behaving a certain way, like how she stayed at the coffee shop because the coffee was expensive and didn't want to upset her parents. That showed some great character diversity which I really enjoyed. :)
Gah, Johnny was just awful! He's like the most irritating combination of self-important and boring while dwelling in a constant state of the moral high ground, and I hope he shows up in further chapters if only so I can scoff at him more. I'm looking forward to see what kind of boy Molly might go for next and how he would differ from Johnny.
Something I like about your stories is how detailed they are, and an example of that here was the description of what they were eating and how Molly felt it reflected her life. And then there was the hilarious character of Agatha and how she was going to convince her fiance to rejoin the family business so that she could be rich, and how Molly focused on that little detail was so funny. The comment about the potions teacher nearly crying over her essay was so fabulous as well. :)
Percy and Audrey are quite entertaining as well. I have a bit of a soft spot for Audrey when she's a secondary character as being dramatic and a good source of entertainment, so of course I enjoyed your characterization of her. Percy seemed interesting as well, he was sort of a mix between being the laid back Dad and being the stick in the mud type Percy we know from the books, so I quite enjoyed him as well and I'm looking forward to seeing more of their family dynamics.
This was a wonderful first chapter and I'm really impressed with you tackling all those challenges! The PoBaW quote was really well integrated and I liked how it recurred throughout the chapter and really took root as a main idea. I'm also quite awed at how you're taking on the Five Elements challenge as it would be quite terrifying for me to coordinate all those ideas. So well done! :) Can't wait for the next chapter! :D
Author's Response: Secret Santa, you're such a ninja! I just posted this, and WHAM! There's a review. Woohoo!
I know what you mean about this story in terms of the voice. I felt the difference when I was writing it, and I think it may be because Molly's a little older, or it's a theme with which I can strongly relate. I hope it's going to be a lot of fun!
Molly is... I'm just really happy that you like her. I wanted to write her as really normal in that way. She never really defined herself and became comfortable with who she is during her teenage years, and that's sort of finally caught up with her. I'm glad that you found her diverse and interesting, because there were moments where I was writing her and I was like ""she sounds too much like Ellie. Please let her not be like her""
You think my stories are detailed? That is like the highest compliment I have ever received, because my weakest point is description, so this means so so so much to me. Let me shower you in my gratitude [insert shower of gratitude here]. I'm not sure if Agatha will ever appear in this story or not, but if she does, I actually cannot wait to write what she'll be like in the flesh. Is it weird that I'm excited about writing one of my own characters? Probably.
I have a soft spot for Percy in general, and any woman willing to look over... well, Percy, must be something special. Audrey is just such a wonderful character in that way. I had to think about the way I wrote Percy for a while. It took me a bit of time to decide what he'd be like, so I'm happy to hear that you liked him!
I haven't read or seen Perks, so I actually have no idea in what context that quote appears originally. I know that Perks is something that is close to a lot of people's hearts, and I hope that I've done it some justice here! I'm actually really happy with the elements I received, so here's to hoping that I can make something out of it all. Thanks so much for this as always wonderful review!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 12/20/2013
Hi! I'm really excited to see that you've started a new story! :D
I love reading and reviewing Not Normal and I recently read Like a House on Fire for fun--your writing style is really fun to read! I hope that you'll update NN soon after the queue reopens, but for now, reading this first chapter of a brand-spanking-new story was cool!
You fit all of the elements of the various challenges into the story very well! The quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower absolutely works with the action of the story, and the fact that you were challenged to write about a break up was an awesome coincidence. The quote seems like something that someone would say to a person in a boring/abusive/stagnant relationship, and that's exactly what you captured in the chapter!
I thought that this was a one-shot, so I was really disappointed when it ended--but then I went back and read the description more closely. Yay for novellas! There's a lot more of the story that must be told, and I look forward to reading it!
Congratulations on another great story! I hope that you find it easy to juggle both NN and this one, because I want to read more very soon! :)
~UnluckyStar57
Author's Response: Hello! *waves*
It's been a long while since I started a new story, and I'd forgotten how much I just loved doing that. And yes, I hope to have the next chapter of NN ready for the queue when that reopens, too.
I haven't read nor seen Perks, which I was quite happy about, because that way I could use the quote whichever way I felt. I'm glad that you think it worked. Quotes are things which are difficult to work into, but I tried my best! The breakup part of the challenge just made me so happy. I had been thinking of writing a separate story for that challenge, but all the elements fit in well with this one, so I went, why not do all the challenges?
Not a one-shot, definitely! There's still a few more things that I have to include for the challenges, but also I think this story is one that I'd like to spend some time on. Molly is an interesting character so far.
I now have three WIPs, so I need all the well wishes that I can get! Thanks so much for this review!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 12/20/2013
Hello! I'm from the Review Tag. I was going to read another chapter of Like A House on Fire, but then saw that your new story needs some love, and so here I am, loving it up.
Wow! This is a fantastic start! I honestly loved that opening breakup scene so much, and I love Molly's internal voice, which is just so sharp and with some lovely caustic humour.
The idiot had dragged them to his favourite café to dump her. If she hadn’t hated the place before, what with its lukewarm instant coffee, stale shortbread, rickety wrought-iron tables and chairs, and a front window that was so clean that the reflected sunlight was mildly blinding – she did now. She was glad that she’d never have to see the inside of this stupid little place ever again if only he would just shut up already.
^ Can I just say how much I loved these lines!? Such lovely details! And yes, Johnny is certainly a jerk! I admire Molly's patience, sitting through the break-up with her stonecold coffee (love how the sugar's settled at the bottoms and how she sees that as a sort of reward for sticking with her mediocre drink and the lousy boyfriend!).
I also really enjoyed the contrasts between Percy and Audrey! Molly's stoic dad and her dramatic mother and how they react to the news of Molly's breakup. Honestly, their reactions were funny, and they were definitely a lot more affected by the breakup than Molly hersel was. Agatha Pains-in-the-Bumbleshuffer was a lovely addition; I wonder if she'll be turning up in future chapters? Should be fun!
Anyway, this is a fabulous start! I'm glad I chose to read this! Well done, and best of luck with all the challenges! :D
-teh
Author's Response: Hello! This story just got validated, so yes, all the love is always appreciated :)
I'm glad you like Molly. I'm writing this in third person, which is a strange experience for me, as I usually write in first, so I'm super excited about the challenge of writing compelling characters in this new way.
I'm so bad at description, so you have no idea how much you saying that you like the details means to me! The coffee thing is something that I sometimes do myself, but it felt like it would be an interesting way of showing a little about what Molly's like.
I loved writing Audrey and Percy. Audrey especially was just so great because I've never written a character quite like her. And you picked that thing up about Agatha's last name! Yay! Maybe I'll give her a cameo just because of her fabulous last name.
Thanks so much for this absolutely wonderful review!
Hi there! RANDOM REVIEW!!!
Actually, I'm checking out the Five Elements Challenge entries, because it's a great challenge and I'm curious to see how you incorporated everything. Mine were all so random! Haha! Oooh! And I see that you combined a bunch of challenges too! Awesome!
Poor Molly! Bad coffee, bad company, the worst cliche' break-up speech in the history of break-up speeches... There's nothing like an annoying person from your past spouting ridiculous notions to wake you up to reality. Though this Agatha seems like a crazed, over-the-top "my life is perfect" character. I bet her life isn't as perfect as she's making it out to be. Oh, but she is SOOO entertaining!
I love how Molly has resolve for all of three seconds, and then she crumbles. It's so realistic though, because change is hard, even when you figure out that it's necessary, and you want it to happen. I'm rooting for her, though. At least she changed her story in front of her family... for about three seconds. *covers eyes* Oh, Molly! You can do it!!!
In the first chapter, you've already grabbed me with your witty lines and your quirky characters, you've used the Love Quote Challenge line, and TWO of your five elements! Bravo!
And I am highly entertained!! *runs off to next chapter*
Author's Response:*Transferred from HPFF*
Hey there! Lovely to hear from you, as always!
Agatha Painsley-Bumbershuffle was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak for poor Molly. But it's strange where one's wake up calls come from. Bad coffee is definitely a good sign though. And Agatha's life... You haven't seen the last of her, let's just leave it at that.
Change is difficult. I can't resolve myself and stick to the plan in the first go. She does get it all off her chest, though, which is a start. It doesn't help that her parents aren't exactly the most sympathetic.
Lovely to hear from you!
I love how you start us off with a fresh character straight away! This is obviously the guy we need to keep our eyes on, yeah? He seems like he's not in a very happy place either. Ahh, I'd be so afraid to read that article now... did he really write it half-sloshed?
I'm also loving how you're bringing in some of our well-loved canon characters as adults into this Next-Gen world. I think that's what I miss the most when I read Next Gen - I mean, I know that the main characters are generally the younger, active people, but what happened to all those other people that have grown up? Dennis' appearance was great here.
Oh no! He thinks her hair is on fire! This cannot be a good start.
"Heath's gaze wandered back down towards her face, only to be arrested by a rather aggressive stare form a pair of hazel eyes."
Maybe it's better than I thought. Err... okay, I take that back. Molly's being roped into something she knows very little about. I'm sure she'll take that well... not. Haha!
Heath seems like the overly
Author's Response:*Transferred from HPFF*
Heath is one of my all time favourite characters to write. He's just so adorably... Adorable. And Heath is DEFINITELY the man. He's in a very similar situation to Molly, but they're two different people who don't quite realise that. It causes some conflict, as can be expected. And I don't even want to think about that article. Can you imagine the grammar?
I couldn't resist bring Dennis Creevey into this! And writing him as almost a different person was wonderful but also heartbreaking at the same time because life changes you and it hurts you sometimes in the process.
Fiery hair = good start. Hair on fire? Not so much. ;)
It's actually strange the way she handles this little adventure. But more on that later...
Oh gosh! A late Heath in his own home! Never mind that I can sometimes resemble that... *hides* The singing on the loo was crazy funny, as were all of the reasons that Molly decided to agree to this trip. Wait. SEVENTY DAYS??? That's a looong time.
Those little details of yours are absolutely adorable. An obstacle course in a short skirt?? You've got to be kidding me! At least we know she's been trained well. I hope she doesn't have to use it all up on their first day out.
"Raj the wannabe soprano". Snort.
You wrote the banter between these two really well. I can see that they're trying to get to know each other while pretending not to enjoy it. Very funny! Though you do bring up valid points about Salem and the Sorting Hat. Too true! And the bit with the chocolate frogs... eww! But a great way to make more connections. :)
Ahhh, Agatha - insidiously creeping into Molly's head to push her onwards towards adventure with chocolate frog man! Excellent!
Socks and Sandals had me in stitches! Where do you find your ideas for these absurd caricature characters?? And then something happens. Inside Stonehenge! Mysterious predictions! (Does Heath have a Silver Dragon tattoo hidden somewhere?)
And three elements already! And another chapter!
Author's Response:*Transferred from HPFF*
I hate people who are running late in their own house! I don't understand how that can happen. Maybe it's a case of "the closer you are to your destination, the later you'll be". And seventy days is a really long time. I've set myself up for the long haul.
The obstacle course was so sexist. I could feel my inner feminist getting enraged as I wrote the scene.
Raj is in fact a marvellous tenor. Molly is obviously tone deaf. I hate people talking trash about my baby Raj.
... I'm WAY too attached to Raj :P
I loved taking the opportunity to poke a little fun at the wizarding world in that conversation between Molly and Heath. And that chocolate frog scene was my attempt at writing something better suited to a book for twelve year olds. It was too much fun, which meant it worked for me!
Socks and Sandals came to me in a rare moment of inspiration. He was perfect for what I wanted him to do. His stereotype makes it even less likely for anyone to believe that Stonehenge is a giant transportation device. And yes - about that silver dragon...
That's the strange thing about silence. I've often wondered about that. How can silence be deafening, so loud, that you just want some kind of noise to break it apart?
I love how you described the magic of the transportation. It was sort of like Apparition, sort of like a portkey, but you made it your own thing too. I commend you for not taking the easy way out with this. Exciting embellishments all around!
So Molly's skills DO come in handy, and it's on the second day? Or is it still the first? There was night, so I'll call it the second. Well, that was longer than I expected. Haha!
The little digs still continue, "If you Americans hadn't thrown yours in the harbour, you'd know..." That made me laugh out loud. Indeed.
Oh, but what if Beard and Socks and Sandals had put a spell on him to do this thing??? Is HE the culprit!?? I am so suspicious. ;) I really like how Molly is so matter-of-fact in all of this. She's been trained for scenarios like this, and the fact that she doesn't fall apart shows us her inner strength. She may be rubbish at expressing herself, but I think in this case, it's to her favor. AND she shows her maths skillz! Molly rocks!
I know from the Five Elements Challenge, that using all three instances of the spell given was one of the hardest things to incorporate into the story without being all "LOOK! I have used this spell THREE TIMES!!" Hahah! Does this mean that Heath will be breaking a lot of bones in this story, because that would be sad and hilarious and OUCH all at the same time.
Hey, things don't always have to be funny. I liked this chapter just as well. There was cool stuff going on. Good luck with all of your challenges!
Author's Response:*Transferred from HPFF*
It's like being underwater, that kind of silence. I find it to be really oppressive.
I'm glad you liked the description of the transportation. I wanted it to be a little dangerous and mildly uncomfortable - it was built in the Bronze Age after all.
There's more to Molly than a desire to change her life and making a boss cup of tea. And It's so sad the Americans will never know what you're missing out on... (I'm not British, but tea is still part of cultural DNA).
Beard and Sandals is not the culprit - all Heath. He has an insatiable thirst for doing the mildly dangerous and incredibly stupid. And yeah, I didn't want to write Molly as being incapable of everything. She's trying to find her way in life, but it still doesn't negate the fact that she's survived more than two years of gruelling Auror training.
Yes. Heath is going to have a lot of broken bones. I'm so sad that I Didn't finish this story in time for the challenge, but I'm still going to include all the elements in later chapters. I will complete this challenge if it kills me! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing - especially since you did all four! Wowee!
Hi hi! This story is back! Woot!
I was kind of sad to see no updates to this for so long, but here's another chapter, so I decided to come out and see where you're taking this.
Thanks for doing the review swap, by the way!
Okay, so first impressions are that Heath is much more comfortable "winging it" than he is in planning. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's throwing Molly for a loop. I like how this highlights the differences between Molly and Heath.. and my fingers keep trying to type "health" instead of his name. Backspace, backspace, backspace...
Anyway, the point is that I think you showed their differences really well in this chapter, leading with the argumentative nature of Heath with total strangers and then closing with his ease at the clubs, while Molly's just trying to be practical at the beginning and then she's a bit unhinged with the bar scene. Heath seems to be enjoying this about her, that she's unable to ride him as hard inebriated as she was earlier in the day.
And oops about the train. I'm guessing, but I bet it was Molly's hangover that did it too. Turned tables are a beast. :P
Action-wise, I loved the first scene where they're running from the enraged shopkeepers screaming at them in French, and you threw in a lot of great characterization there too, with all the small details about each character.
The whole bit about the Apparition license complications was necessary to explain why they'd get the chance to hang out in these different foreign places, and Heath is certainly taking advantage of his circumstances to have some fun. It makes me wonder if they will find out more about the Stonehenge connection when they go on to Italy. There's got to be some ancient stuff lying around there too, if Stonehenge connects to France... I'm really hoping for more of that story to come out. It interests me greatly.
I'm not going to be any help at all if you mis-translate something in French or Italian. Everything looked great to my uneducated eyes. :) The footnotes were nice, but I feel like I didn't need them since everything was explained in context, or maybe I'm familiar enough with cultures to "get it" without explanation. I'm sure some of your readers will appreciate the literal translations. I know a lot of people are interested in that sort of thing.
It's really great to be back in this story. The banter is fun and barby, just the way I like it. The characters are interesting and lively, and your descriptions paint the scenes vividly where I can "see" where you're going. Actually, I can't really see where you're going with this story, but I'm hopeful, because I LOVE the stonehenge mystery and I'm just DYING to know what that's all about.
Heath's little notebook is hilarious, I don't know why. I would love to see him write more in it as the adventure continues.
Thanks for the swap. Need more of this!
Pix
Author's Response:*Transferred from HPFF*
This story IS back! Yayayay!
I'm pretty sure Heath has an allergy to plans. It's actually ridiculous. If I knew someone like him in real life, I'd actually go insane, since I'm a lot more like Molly in this respect. Also I caught at least three "healths" when I went back to edit this chapter. Clearly, I didn't think this through when I chose a name for him.
They really are two very different people. I want to show how similar they are, too, soon. It was a lot more apparent in the first two chapters when they were apart, I think. But now they're together, it's time to see that there are parts of them that are the same. And Heath very much is a man of the moment - if Molly can't yell at him, then he's happy!
Goodness, action is so difficult to write! Thank you so much for actually enjoying it!
Ooh! I'm not going to say what I'm going to do about the Stonehenge mystery. Stonehenge is a mysterious place, so it's fitting that this part also remains hidden for the time being.
Everything looks great to my also-uneducated eyes, so yay! I included the literal translations just in case. I'm very pleased that everything makes sense in context, because that's important for the sake of the flow of the story.
Aaaah! Thank you so so much! You are too kind!
Heath's little notebook is unintentionally funny, and I don't know why, either. I just giggle when I write it.
Thanks so much for the lovely review :)
OK, so I just love Molly's character! I loved her from the first paragraph too, when she was being all irritated with her soon-to-be-ex for not getting to the break-up part of his speech yet. I could already tell she was going to be hilarious, witty, perhaps a little uninterested in love? As I read on, I liked her character more and more—she's clearly very intelligent, a definite perfectionist. I like that she's seriously thinking about her life now, reconsidering things—she seems so confident and self-aware. I already really like her and am rooting for her! (And wondering what sort of guy can handle someone like her haha).
I love that the precipitating event in this is Molly meeting up with Agatha Painsley-Bumbershuffle (can we just pause for a moment and appreciate how ridiculously awful that last name is? It made me laugh haha!). I also really liked the subtle descriptions of Molly's childhood, how she's pretty much always been the perfect daughter, following her father's directions—but now she's doing what she wants? Percy's reaction to her outburst in the end was actually sort of curious to me; I didn't expect him to be so okay with it? But I like that, it reflects better on Percy. I definitely want to learn more about Percy and Molly's relationship.
And finally, I just had to comment that Molly's voice in this is so strong and so compelling and I have to commend you for that because it's really difficult to get a character's voice across so perfectly that I can hear her voice in my head. Bravo! :)
Author's Response:Yay! I'm glad you love Molly! She holds a very special place in my heart. And by uninterested in love, do you mean romance? I think Molly is looking for meaningful relationship, for sure. She feels a certain distance from her parents, and she's definitely grown apart from her ex-boyfriend. She's not specifically looking romance, though, that's for sure. And it's interesting you think of Molly as confident. Perhaps, as the writer, I see where she so clearly lacks confidence - but more on that later in the story ;) Self-aware, she most certainly is!
The best part about Agatha Painsley-Bumbershuffle is her name :P Molly's grown up with a lot of parental expectations, and so far, she's fulfilled them. Now, she's feeling that her expectations of herself no longer align as well with her parents'. A lot of her angst stems from there. Hopefully, I'll get to explore more of Percy and Molly's relationship!
Thanks for the wonderful review. I'm glad you enjoyed chapter one :D
I love Molly so much. She's so sarcastic, I like her toughish kind of nature and how she won't take any bull from anyone. I was surprised that she would go out drinking with Heath though, I figured she'd be the sober friend hauling Heath home. And she's such a relatable character, the one thing that is constantly going through my head is same every time she does something.
I'm so excited to see what kind of shenanigans Molly and Heath get up to in Pisa (and I knew she was going to miss the train I was like girl who are you kidding here.)
Author's Response:I'm pleased that you're still liking Molly. I am worried that she might get a little irritating because she's so grumpy all the time, but I also hope that she remains relatable.
They were very obviously going to miss the train :P Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
Ah yes, more Heath and Molly banter, how I love me some Heath and Molly banter, heck yeah. One second the two of them are about to jump at each other's throats and the next second they're best friends. You can just see the fondness that's coming from Heath the longer he spends with Molly.
Speaking of Molly, you go girl! You show off those awesome math skills of yours and rub them in Heath's face why don't you! I love how he's so shocked about it as well. "People can do calculations that fast what is this!?"
But anyway, this was brilliant as usual and I can't wait to find out what Molly and Heath are going to do next and what shenanigans they're going to be up to.
Author's Response:*Transferred from HPFF*
Heath and Molly banter is the best kind of banter, let's be real. I think Heath is far more open to liking other people than Molly. Molly isn't cut out to like other people that quickly!
I actually love writing Molly. There's nothing really smug or pretentious about her. She knows what she's good at and what she's not and she's very unapologetic about it.
I laugh every time I think about the Paris chapter! These two are in for quite the shock!
Any access or use of the FanficTalk Archive is conditioned upon compliance with our Site Guidelines and Terms of Service and the Copyright Policy and Privacy Policy contained therein. Should you have any questions about them, you are very welcome to contact any of our archive validators. For advanced searching, please click here.
Any characters, source code, text, or titles contained herein which are recognizable as copyrighted material are the sole property of their owners.