Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 18 Dec 2017 10:44 AM · For: Chapter 1

Hey!


This was so sad, it trampled right over all my feelings. Remus grieving Sirius' death is so painful to read! Naturally, everyone during the war probably tried to prepare themselves the best they could for death, but it's so different when it actually happens--it's hard to become numb to something like that. Having witnessed Sirius transformation from Azkaban (the lack of life that he once had, torn unjustly away from him) was probably hard enough as it was. And I think I've misread this. This is Sirius grieving James? (I'm sorry, I'm so tired). Sirius' guilt for what happened to Lily and James is heartbreaking! Of course he feels guilty, but there's nothing that he could have done to save him, no matter how hard he tried. Sirius' pain is so deep and raw in this! He's living inside a body without life, and there's not much left for Death to take.


-Rumpels

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 04 May 2017 05:20 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hello! I noticed this story and couldn't resist coming to check it out. (Also, I don't think we've met yet, so hi! Nice to meet you!)

 

I'm so excited about this story, because it has so many things that I love in it. Angst! Second person! Sirius and Remus!

 

Basically I am fangirling a little bit right now.

 

This was only a short story but it packed such a punch. It was a really powerful piece of writing and you evoked the emotions brilliantly. It seemed almost as if the raw emotions felt in this story were radiating off the page. I'm so impressed by the talent you clearly have to capture and express those feelings - it wasn't just the pain of loss and the grief that comes with death that were evident here, it was all the other aspects of loss that come with it. The anger and the guilt and the vague beginnings of acceptanxe: all of it added up to create a deep insight into Remus at this point in time. 

 

Second person is probably my favourite narrative voice and it works so well in a story like this one, because we can practically feel the emotions that Remus is experiencing and it's very powerful because of that. 

 

I loved the description and imagery in this piece - really, I'm still so impressed that you managed to fill a story that's what? 500 words? with so much substance and beautiful writing. The way that you described the darkness and the pain that Remus felt was wonderful, and I loved the imagery of Sirius being the star (almost literally, given his name) who burned across the sky and now that he has gone, Remus can't see the light properly.

 

I was glad that towards the end Remus was moving towards acceptance - at least the knowledge that one day he'd be able to accept Sirius's death. It was a final tinge of sweetness in the midst of the pain and worked really well.

 

I loved this story, and I'm so glad I came to check it out!

 

Sian :)