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sirius black, the ex(prince) or purebloods sounds like a pretty good moniker. but i'm still dying to know what happened to millie over the summer.
sirius and millie being potions partners seems like a good way for the two of them to get closer but judging from their exchange and millie's hostility towards him, it's going to be a long time before she is more civil towards him. does she hate him on principle or did he do something to her? i do love the way both lily and sarah are teasing her about sirius. but i'm still wondering why is millie in such a bad mood or at least, why is she so hostile?
sirius brooding in the common room and thinking about millie instead of doing his homework is cute but i'd love to know more about why he is suddenly finding millie attractive and interesting - they've known each other for seven years. is it because she doesn't seem to fall for his many charms?
kris
lily's outrage at james being appointed head boy is believable and understandable, but her drugs comment and then millie saying it is the seventies made me laugh and almost choke because i was drinking a cup of tea. so you nearly made me die but that's okay because i love reading funny stories.
millie advocating for james and suggesting that he might have changed lately was cute - i think she likes her quidditch captain (obviously, in the friendly sense of the word). the whole exchange between remus and mille trying to diffuse the situation and then having all their friends confused was cool because i could just imagine all their heads following the exchange like a tennis match.
poor sarah - she needs to get a grip on herself. and lily is great at teasing millie about sirius. but i want to know more about millie's family problems! and she can't hold down a relationship? interesting. though what both lily and sarah are saying seems to be true - her and sirius might be quite similar, even though millie might not want to admit it.
sirius trying to be nonchalant is just...not working for him hah! his friends know him too well not to notice he might be interested in millie.
kris
why is millie having nightmares filled with blood? did something happen to her to cause them or are nightmares just regular occurrence for her?
she's funny though - her comment about the basilisk living in lily's bathroom made me giggle. and lily is way too flustered for someone who supposedly hates james. are they staying in the leaky cauldron? since james and sirius are apparently coming and going as they please and they also have their rooms there and millie is later eating ice cream in diagon alley? and millie plays quidditch - how great! i love girl quidditch players, it's always great to see them breaking the sometimes stereotype that quidditch is a men's sport.
i love how sirius is trying his best (and failing) to deny he was eyeing millie, and especially his question whether or not millie would be like other girls (i imagine he would find her even more attractive if she wasn't). and james is adorable, though his concern for millie seems to be because of the possibility of a breakup causing her to play badly.
and what exactly did millie have to go through this summer?
kris
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 01/20/2015
Oooh! So Lily and James are heating up more while we focus on Sirius and Millie? I sort of like that. Just a little less drama than there needs to be. ;)
Ouch! So she really is a hardcore Quidditch player, eh? With past injuries such as the ones everyone else was explaining... And poor Lily. She only tries to be a pretty decent friend when it comes to worrying about her! Millie, let your wall down dear. You know you're going to end up falling in love tomorrow with Sirius at Hogsmeade. You won't want to end this, I know it! :p
I'm loving the two so far! Sirius cracks me up, and Millie just reminds me of me. Which, thinking about it, I'm not entirely sure that's a super good thing. ;) But I love it nonetheless!
~Mae
Author's Response: Initially I wanted to include the James/Lily arc more overtly in the story, but they're so dramatic and so are Millie and Sirius but in their own way. I think it would've been too much, so I have almost their entire relationship develop ""off-stage"".
Millie is possibly more hardcore than James. She's definitely been injured more, mostly because she takes a lot more risks and that she's a Seeker, so they're more injury-prone anyway. And pushing Lily's concern away is Millie's way of being ""strong"". But I think Lily understands this about her.
I'm so glad that Millie's so relatable! She's similar to me in some aspects, but mostly she's her own self. Different in other ways to my other OCs. And isn't it a good thing? Sirius would totally like you! (I want Sirius to like me.)
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 01/06/2015
Oh yay! Lily and James, Lily and James! I really wasn't expecting that so soon! Lily still seems kind of bitter towards the Marauders, though perhaps that's just Sirius. But yeah, double date!
This is going to be interesting for Millie and Sirius. How are they going to deal with an actual date, with other people! They (well, Millie more so) aren't very good at keeping up this charade (especially considering she didn't even think about the fact that they would be going to Hogsmeade together!) Is their secret going to get out? I really hope that Millie can make it through this date- I want her to start seeing Sirius in a better light! He likes her- and he was really sweet when he was concerned for her after she fell. Lily on the other hand- she definitely had the motherly instincts prepared, didn't she? She's certainly the overbearing best friend!
I liked this chapter! It was good, I liked the back and forth between Millie, Lily, and James with the whole date thing. It was cute. I can't even say how much I like your writing style, and the way you wrote these characters. It just all fits so well and it flows! I love it, and the entire plot of this story is great!
~Santa
Author's Response: I think I originally had more planned for Lily and James, but I really wanted it to be happening in the background. Maybe their relationship is too much in the background, though. The idea was that they were this stable rock, whereas Millie and Sirius' relationship is a bit of a roller coaster in comparison. And by this point, I really think she just doesn't like Sirius.
Haha, Millie and Sirius having to pretend to get along! It's a lot of fun, for sure. Sirius chose a little poorly in that respect, picking someone who is just so terrible at knowing how to act. I love writing Sirius and Lily together. They have the same goals, especiially when it comes to Millie, and as the story progresses, their methods start to align as well. And it takes a few more chapters for Millie to start seeing Sirius in a better light, unfortunately :(
I'm actually blushing at your lovely compliments! I'm so incredibly flattered! Thank you so much!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 10/03/2014
Whoo! What a great win! Sounds like Millie has a bit of a reckless side. She could certainly get along with the Marauders.
Double date! So excited! But really.
So Sirius is saying she's off the hook after Hogsmeade weekend? Hmm. I have my doubts, though I'm interested to see how that pans out.
""The whistle had barely made a sound before fourteen brooms shot into the air like bullets… or that’s how Lily’s described our ascent – I actually have no idea how bullets launch their broomsticks.""
--loved that little nod to the Muggleborn vs. born in the wizarding world differences
“I’m your best friend all the other times!""
--I don't know why, but this line just made me chuckle.
**
CC:
""Fifteen minutes later, found me plummeting towards the ground at breakneck speed.""
--This is super tiny and nit-picky, but you don't actually need the comma after ""later"". Like I said, *super* small detail, but I'm a perfectionist, so it's the type of thing I'd want someone to tell me.
“I hoped that I didn’t see you in here again, Miss White, but I kept out the bottle, just in case.”
--I think ""wouldn't"" might be better than ""didn't"" here.
**
Fun chapter! I'm really looking forward to this next one, though. Sooo many possibilities!
--Penny
Author's Response: All the CCs all the time! One can never have too many CCs!
Millie is actually a boss Quidditch player. I now wish I'd written more of that into the story. Like she can be quite a jock about it. And Sirius is like her ultimate cheerleader boyfriend.
Oh, Sirius. What does he know about his feelings? He says these things and they never happen! Poor boy!
Sometimes you're allowed to not be best friends with someone for a few minutes :P
Thanks for reviewing!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 08/03/2014
I'm so glad this chapter was longer! I actually have things to comment about! lol. Anyway, I really enjoyed the indepth description of her Millie waking up and preparing for the game along with the rest of the team. Considering this is the only sport at Hogwarts and there are only so many matches a year, it must be very stressful preparing for a game when you know the whole school is watching and your whole house is counting on you to win.
I also love that James asked Lily out and she doesn't know what to say because she's discovered she might actually like him. I'd totally be like that, too. Even if I like a guy, I'm too afraid to admit it sometimes. Plus, she's hated him forever so she must be going through a lot of stressful feelings right now.
I'm super excited to see how that double date goes!
xxNix
Author's Response: Yes! Because Quidditch! I had to make a longer chapter for Quidditch. It demands nothing less :P
I've always felt as if the buildup to a match would be way more important than the match itself, since as you said, there aren't that many of them and this is literally the only sport Hogwarts offers. Also, I think it's a lot of fun to write the rituals and routines players have before games, be they mundane or weird.
Lily's internal flailing is probably my favourite part of this chapter. As the story goes on, and James and Lily progress towards their couple bliss, it starts to be Millie's turn to internally flail. It's quite funny writing them switch roles when they should sort of be at the same point in their relationship. Lily is like ""what on earth is going on"" a lot of the time!
Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
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Originally left on 05/30/2014
I have read nine chapters so far, and I REALLY love this story. I can't wait to read more.
My only complaint is the way it's written in POV. I don't usually read stories written like this because I get easily confused, but you have done a good job with it, and I have been able to follow surprising well.
I had a great deal following the last book in the Divergent series. I was constantly getting lost, lol!
Keep it up! :) Love Serius!
Author's Response: Wow! Nine chapters in one go? That's amazing! I'm really happy that you're enjoying this story!
Ah, the changing points of view. There are places where they get ridiculously crazy. I've labelled them in places when there's more than one per chapter, but sometimes I forgot :( I hope it wasn't too bad!
Thank you so much for your lovely review :)
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 12/08/2013
Tag!
I really enjoyed this chapter! I think you wrote the Quidditch game really well - I often find reading Quidditch games boring or over-descriptive, and I think you did a really good job - I especially enjoyed Millie's comparisons between Regulus and Sirius. And her catch was quite spectacular!
Hehe, you characterized Madam Pomfrey perfectly! And I love how concerned Lily (and Sirius, hehe) were for Millie.
Oooh, a double date next chapter! I am definitely looking forward to that. I wonder how disastrously it will go? Or maybe it will go perfectly, and it will all be fluffy clouds and rainbows and unicorns! I also wonder whether anyone will find out that Sirius and Millie are fake dating? And if so, who it will be. I guess I'll have to wait to find out!
Courtney:)
Author's Response: That Quidditch game was the first and last time I've ever attempted to write an action sequence, so thank you very much! I do feel that a Quidditch match is not the best place to reminisce over guys, even if they are the very awesome Black brothers!
That hospital wing scene was weirdly fun to write. Lily was just the best in that!
The date is... not my best piece of writing, ever, but things are definitely... interesting. And it's amazing how those two manage to keep a lid on the reality of their relationship, even now!
Thanks for the review. It's lovely to hear from you, as always :)
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 12/05/2013
300, baby!!
...I get excited over weird things. :D
Quidditch!!! There's quidditch this time?!?! yes!
haha, Lily is very concerned about other people's eating habits.
I'm kind of really into the quidditch tension and action. Millie won't get much quidditch-ing done if she's oggling Regulus. My eyes were like this O.O while Regulus and Millie raced for the snitch. People get hurt all the time in quidditch, it's not bfd. :P
Oh good, Millie got to go to party!
Surely a party will convince Remus to do some snogging!! Poor, poor Sarah.
Burn! Millie can be a little cold. I can see while it will take Sirius a while to be all open with his feelings for her.
I love Lily shock that she might actually like James. I felt like that when I discovered I like green beans.
I do like that they're going on a double date. :D That should be a lot of fun to read!!
-Rose
Author's Response: WOOHOO 300 OH YEAH!
... I too, get excited over weird things.
QUIDDITCH JUST RULES BUT I'M TERRIBLE AT WRITING IT. I think this is literally my one and only attempt at writing an action scene, ever. I need to work on them A LOT.
Regulus makes strange cameos throughout the story in weird and not-really-related-to-the-plot-but-I-like-him ways. I just have a thing for writing him, I guess.
Millie is painfully closed towards Sirius. She's very strange about the way she shares things with him, but eventually, there's a lot of opening up. I don't think it helps her that Sirius' personality is very out there - whatever she discovers about him isn't because he's been hiding it, it's just that they haven't had that sort of relationship before.
... And I must admit, the date chapter needs a lot of work. I think it's one of the worse chapters in terms of random POV switches. Or is that the other date chapter?
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 11/12/2013
Hahaha.. Dumbledore secret Gryffie fan. I have this horrid feeling of Deja vu like I had already read and reviewed this chapter, but ahh well, here goes (again?? maybe in a different reality!)
Firstly.
Love the intro paragraph, with the times and a short description of what Millie is doing. It is an awesome technique for building tension - it kinda makes the reader anxious and nervous too. Really well used there, so well done.
I love that the entire way through the story, Millie has ridiculous eating habits. I really do. I love how seriously she takes eating icecream, and how much she eats when she is nervous, and drinks far too much caffeine. It is great for building a believable character and ..you know what I mean. It makes her human, and likeable and .. real somehow.
the quidditch gaqme was a heap of fun, loved reading it. I think you have contracted 'Lily has' to 'Lily's' - which might be how you would say it when speaking with your mates really quickly, but as it is Millies thoughts and not her speech, it probably should be written out as it isn't an actual contraction!
The sentence "" I hadn't been seeker on the best team Hogwarts had seen for nearly three decades"" doesnt sit right with me.. I know what you are trying to say, but it just sounds like she has been on the team for nearly three decades. Making it ""I hadn't been seeker for three years on the best team Hogwarts had seen in nearly three decades "" might improve things, but then it becomes an ugly sentence and ruins your otherwise beautiful prose.
I love the way Lily is asking for help re James, and that James and Millie are such good friends that he is able talk about it with her. I wasnt quite sure why Millie was asking about when the weekend was, but am glad she did, cause I am glad she wants to stop the charade.. good for her! And good for Sirius for wheedling another weekend out of her. I have to say, I think he actually likes her already. Why else would he be so whiny!
i love this story. I may have mentioned that already
Author's Response: I don't think there is anything secretive about Dumbledore's love for his own house :P
I'm glad you like the first paragraph. It feels weird for me to write time jumps, but I have to show the passage of time somehow.
Millie has the weirdest eating habits of any person ever. I've always thought of her as a bit of grazer, who has to eat little amounts of food more often throughout the day, rather than three solid meals - but her obsession for eating her feelings in the form of ice cream wows me.
I don't write action scenes well, and this was my first shot at it, so I'm so happy that you think it went well. There are so many typos throughout this story - I really must fix those, at least. Thanks for pointing that one out.
And yes - rereading that sentence, it does sound strange. Your suggestion is fantastic! I have saved it in my drafts for future editing fun times!
I wanted to show that James and Millie are close. James isn't a bad bloke - he's just a little fixated with his affections sometimes! And Sirius totally likes her already. There is no other explanation for his weird behaviour.
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 10/15/2013
Hey! Here for review tag.
Another fun chapter to read xP I enjoyed the Quidditch match, you described it quite well, and Millie's catch was cool. I am enjoying the banter between Sirius and Millie though one tiny CC would be that I feel it's getting kind of redundant - like there's not much progress in their relationship as to how it was a couple chapters ago.
Of course, being your story I understand you might intend it this way, but the pace is just a little slow for my preference. Everyone has different opinions though so feel free to ignore me xP
I am curious as to how the double date will turn out and if anything ensues between Sirius/Millie. It's also nice that James/Lily are finally going on a date. It is an event that I look forward to =)
The chapter was well-written as always and I didn't spot any grammar issues. The flow was smooth and the characters as well as interactions make for a good read.
Good job,
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)
Author's Response: Hello, again!
Thank you for the CC! Their relationship stays in this rut for a REALLY long time, in my opinion, and this story moves quite slow, I think. Definitely needs a rewrite, soon!
Their date goes in an... Interesting direction. Hope to see you soon! Thanks for dropping by!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 02/18/2012
hey, that hurt! i've been using it so much that it's all worn out by now! psfttt!
i'm happy for james and lily and i hope the date goes well. as for sirius and millie... well, i can detect a little lack of emotion there... i see the emotion in pad's POV so i kinda wish it appeared more often... anyway, readin' on..
loyally,
fanna
Author's Response: To me, Sirius has always been a very emotional sort of guy - in the manliest way possible of course! But Millie is a little emotionless to the point of becoming a robot at the moment because she isn't really good with feelings and doesn't want to really think about them - especially concerning Sirius. You know what they say, ignorance is bliss and she just might not like what she finds...
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 01/20/2015
So she can sleeptalk, eh? I've only done that once in my life, and my best friend was so shocked. It was in Chemistry, too. Made me understand the subject loads better! :D
So is it weird to say I don't see Millie getting out of this? Not in the long run maybe. I feel like maybe she'll say something to Sirius to make him call the whole thing quits because of her behavior, but she'll come running back BECAUSE THEY'RE GOING TO FALL IN LOVE AND GET MARRIED AND HE WILL BEAR HER CHILDREN! You know, Marissa style. ;)
So far Sirius is totally adorable! A little more whiny than I would usually take him for, but I still love him. :3 I sorta want to see everything go his way (because I'm in the alleged 'fan club') but I always get sad when they do because I obviously know what happens to Sirius in the end and I'd hate to see that happen to him and someone he loved. :( So now I'm wondering what will really happen with them? Oh goodness! D:
Now I've got to continue onward!
~Mae
Author's Response: I have NEVER done this. I want this superpower. Really bad. One of the most useful superpowers of all time.
Millie's not getting out of this. Sirius Black's full name is actually Sirius Black Hole. She's sucked in. No getting out now.
Sirius is less of a not likeable person once the fake dating starts I think. He just doesn't understand why she doesn't like him. This has never happened before! I am also a part of the Sirius Black fan club, but I'm also an author, and I can't have things be too easy for Sirius!
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Originally left on 01/06/2015
Aha! I knew Lily wouldn't be pleased! And obviously James is! They reacted pretty well I think, though I'd think James might have a bit more of a reaction for how Sirius convinced Millie (though he did try to get that answer) considering he was very sure that Millie wasn't one to fall prey to Sirius' charms.
The classroom scene was good. Millie is hilarious, the fact that she could answer the professor perfectly and fall back asleep- I wish I could do that! Sirius' thoughts about her were so cute, I just can't. I love him (I hold a firm belief that he was simply playing hide and seek in the curtain! Pshh, he didn't die!) I want Millie to see how sweet he can be! I'm totally with Sirius on this one, the whole defensive thing with him- though I see where she's coming from- is super annoying. Why can't she just love him and be happy!
It was a little confusing without the labeled POV's here, since you have them in the earlier chapters (are you going back and putting them in? Ignore me if you are haha!) But this was a pretty good chapter overall- I wish they were longer! Great job :)
~Santa
Author's Response: Lily isn't pleased with any changes, I think! And James is just like aw yis! More time with Lily! Teach me your ways, Sirius!
I want Millie's superpower. If there is one superpower that I could have, that would probably be it, I think. It's just such a versatile skill to have! And yeah, Millie can be funny in her own way, although I don't think she often means to be. AND OF COURSE HE DIDNT DIE. SIRIUS CANT DIE. And it's a little too early for love, no? But I know where this is going, so perhaps not...
I REALLY need to go back and label the changes in points of view. I know it can get quite confusing at times, especially since there are a couple of chapters where it changes like every paragraph. And the chapters do get longer! I promise!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 10/03/2014
That is such an awesome superpower. Ability to surreptitiously sleep in class. And to answer questions immediately after waking up! That is, like, my dream.
Well, Lily's taking this better than she might've, I suppose. It would be interesting to see Sirius *try* to charm her into approving of him/ entertaining James' wooing efforts. It would definitely be a showdown.
--Penny
Author's Response: I want her superpower so bad. Like it would be the most useful superpower to have. Ever.
Lily does take it better than expected, but then she and Sirius are pretty close in canon, so I wanted to lay the foundations for that. It would have been hilarious to watch them fight it out though!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 07/30/2014
Haha, I do still love their banter and Sirius' fascination with the girl. I also liked how Lily and Sarah called it a race between them to see who would break it off first. Of course, they don't know it's a fake relationship, but I could totally see them putting up bets on who will end it first or something like that. Same with the boys. Heck, they could all be in on the bet together.
Great chapter!
xxNix
Author's Response: He's weirdly fascinated, isn't he? It's a lot of fun to write, almost as if he's never seen girls before. Hahaha! The mental image at them all running a pool! OMG! Thanks for reading and reviewing, even though nothing at all is happening :)
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Originally left on 12/04/2013
Oh dear, the friends found out. they have a point about the commitment thing - except they forgot to add perceptive and something else to the list (where the something else is about them being stubborn).
ha, I love that James turned Sirius getting a girlfriend into using his charm to get Lily. :D
I wish I had those napping skillz. I can do that in the car (not while driving - usually) but it's less useful as I don't sit in my car all day.
no, wait, is that all? I mean, I just started reading and now that's the end.
fine... at least there are a million more chapters. :D
-Rose
Author's Response: Yes, the friends found out. The Marauders always seem to take things better than the girls, though... And Millie and Sirius are incredibly alike, that's for sure!
I want those napping skills so bad! However, when I sleep, I am dead to the world.
A million more chapters is... a lot of chapters though!
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Originally left on 12/02/2013
Hey there!
Ack (yep, I just said ack) I don't care if these chapters are short, they're just so fluffy and cute and fun to read. And I think I'm gonna have to say that Sirius is my favourite character. Ever. He's just so...AWESOMESAUCE!
I did not just say awesome sauce, by the way. You must have misheard me.
Damn, I wish I could fall asleep in class as inconspicuously as Millie! It was save a lot of hassle! Whenever I try to fall asleep, a teacher almost instantly spots me! Anyway, I really enjoyed the Sirius point of view, because he's so perfect!
Looking forward to reading the next chapter! Oh, and I think it is time to add this to my favourites!
Courtney:)
Author's Response: Hello!
There are so many short chapters! I am sorry about that, but I was going through a time where I only had time to read shorter chapters, therefore I wrote shorter chapters myself.
Sirius is a lot of fun to write - he is pretty awesomesauce!
And I wish I could fall asleep the way Millie does, too! I'm jealous of a character of my own making!
Thanks for dropping in!
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Originally left on 11/12/2013
Hey there, its been a while since Ive been here, so I am coming back to visit!
I lvoe your characterisation of Sirius. Have I said that once before. He is just arrogant enough to be sirius, and funny enough to get away with it while still being adorable.
I liked that Sarah and Lily were not all for the relationship, and i think the way you have done htis is great. Its a heap of fun.
I dont understand why the last paragraph is there though - the final thought in Millies observation - it could probably be tacked somewhere else, or left out entirely because it doesnt really add any thing to the chapter.
Havind said that, I like Millie a lot, and I really realyl admire her ability to sleep and answer questions like that IN CLASS!
lol
see you at the next chapter!
Author's Response: Hello! How nice of you to drop in!
Sirius is so much fun to write. He is so wonderfully arrogant and adorable at the same time.
Even though Sarah and Lily joked about them being together during the train ride, yeah. They aren't all for it.
Thank you for pointing that out - I shall have a look at it and see what I can do.
And yes, so jealous of Millie's mad skill
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 10/29/2013
Hi again! My review for review tag was really short so I thought I'd come leave some comments on the next chapter as well. :)
I agree with your author's note: it's great to see this pair in public and how their friends (not crazy exes) would react. It's interesting how Millie is keeping the truth about them fake-dating from her friends: it doesn't shock me that Sirius is since he's a guy and probably has a reputation to hold up in front of his boys. I also like how James obviously likes Lily, but isn't laying it on too thick, and it's sweet how he asked Sirius to put in a good word.
The changes in POV are a little confusing here. :)
I'm glad they sat together in class because showing is better than telling and if they want people to keep believing this rumour it should probably actually look like they like each other. Millie's falling asleep in class was hilarious: I was impressed (and slightly jealous) with her sleeping skills along with Sirius. And yes, Sirius is very cute! :)
Oh, and the new defence professor was a nice touch and reminded me very subtly of Voldy, so well done with that! :)
Great chapter!
Author's Response: OMG - TWO?!?! THAT IS SO NICE OF YOU!
Millie is a little weird like that. I would've told my friends, but she's a little... private, I guess?
Haha, yeah - I couldn't help but write James asking Sirius for help. It seems like something he would do :)
The POV changes need SO MUCH HELP IT IS NOT FUNNY. Sometimes, I re-read this story and give myself a headache! Thanks for pointing that out!
I am really jealous of Millie's sleeping in class skills. If I ever fell asleep in class, I'd probably start snoring!
Thanks again for the lovely review!
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Originally left on 10/12/2013
Hey! Here for review tag.
This was another interesting chapter and it was amusing to read Millie and Sirius' interactions, and the way their friends dealt with it. I giggled out loud at Millie's ""sleeping in class"" technique. I wish I had that ""talent"" haha.
Next chapter is the Quidditch match so I am definitely excited to see how it turns out.
All in all, this was a fun chapter, and I enjoyed it. The only little CC I'd give you is to work on the flow of your chapters a little. The transition from one scene to another seem a little abrupt at times. Apart from that, it's all good =)
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)
Author's Response: Hello!
Haha, yeah. I wish I could sleep that way in class as well!
This entire story needs some massive editing, so I'll keep the flow issue in mind. I know what you mean, though.
Thanks for reviewing!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 10/11/2013
Hello again! Oh gah, I loved Millie's sleeping trick in DADA! I'm not sure how she did it either, but I would love to learn it. Good to hear Sirius' voice again, and his arrogance and his constant bragging about his charm and all, and I love how James just jumps in at the opportunity to possibly use his best mate's new 'relationship' as a means to get closer to Lily. And I love how playfully unhelpful Sirius is being to Prongs :P And of course, Prongs getting all snappish and snarking at how Black should use hiw charm for some good cause (which turns out to be hooking up with Lily Evans...:P )
I'm glad you chose to display the whole Sirius/Millie 'relationship' in a public setting! It was done very well, actually! Sure, there was attention, but your matter-of-fact narration made sure that the whole affair was easy and quick to read, and free of unnecessary and cliched drama. There's a slight arrogance as well as a dismissiveness in both Millie and Sirius' POV, which really does complement their characterisation nicely, as well as reinforcing how similar those two are.
This was a lovely chapter! I hope to be back to read more!
-teh
Author's Response: Oh, you're back! Wowee!
I have no idea how she does it either, but I wish I knew, because that would be one of the most helpful things in the entire world.
I just love writing Sirius and James together. They're such bros, and it's so much fun to play with that.
And you picked up on the dismissiveness in their narrations! They think they're so different, when they're really, really, not. Peas in a pod, these two!
Thanks for reviewing!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 02/18/2012
ahhh... the pain of having everybody staring at you in a class with just a little lean forward...
i really liked the was you explain their emotions...
looks like sirius is getting increasingly fond of millie and she's trying her best to stay as far from him as possible..
oh well, i'll just read on before i become the next murder victim of curiosity..
loyally,
fanna
Author's Response: Yes, I don't know how many cats I've had to bury in my lifetime...
Thank you for your wonderful compliment about emotions! I thought I was being a little too light on them, but it's good to know that it isn't so bad as I feared! And as to Sirius and Millie... you're right about Millie - she really doesn't want to be here. And I think Sirius has been at least a little fond of her from the very beginning. Why else would he decide to tell her all his girlfriend woes and rope her into one of his crazy plans?
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 01/20/2015
Oh I forgot how wonderful it can be to get caught up in a Sirius/OC fic! (It's been so long since I've read one).
So this one was actually sort of sweet, in a sleep-hazed moment. I know her pain though. I've done that a time or two and it turns out, half the time it's not even worth it. Because when you read it in the morning, it's nothing you'd want to turn in anyway.
I love how she just hates any pet name ever. I feel like we could be the best of friends because that's pretty much exactly me. I hate pet names, not much into having a social dating life, and, well, arrogant people are my least favorite. Maybe Millie really stands for Mae, eh? ;) Speaking of being friends, we haven't seen Lily and Sarah in a while? Where'd they go? Oh noes!
Also, I hope there's a little more detail on her family's death and exactly what happened. Who did it to them? Why does no one seem to realize something happened to her so tragically over the summer? Poor Millie. I'd hug her, but I feel like she wouldn't like it haha. I'm sure it'll come up later in the story, but I wanna know! (See, I can be just as whiny as Sirius sometimes. ;))
~Mae
Author's Response: I think this is the biggest plus point of this story: people get caught up in it despite themselves. I know that this is not the best example of my writing, but I had fun writing it, and maybe some of that fun is infectious.
The number of assignments I've done when I'm half dead because of lack of sleep is ridiculously high. It's a horrible place to be.
I've never really had a pet name, and I kind of want one. I don't understand Millie's insistence on not wanting one ever. But in this case, I understand where she's coming from. Sirius uses ""darling"" in a mocking sort of way. The change to it actually meaning something is gradual (keep your eyes out for it!). And the disappearance of Lily and Sarah: bad writing strikes again!
Bad writing abounds! It does come up later, mostly in passing, but I do address it. Eventually. Gosh, I'm horrible.
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