Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 10 Oct 2021 03:03 AM · For: The Mates in the Making

Hi, Catherine!  You were so kind to cheer me up with a review recently when you could tell that I wwas bummed about having my account locked, so here is a review to show my gratitude.

This is a refreshingly sweet story about the Marauders (as they will come to be known) on the day when they depart for Hogwarts School for the very first time, when they are only eleven years old, mere children, still connected with their parents, for the most part.  You are so successful in depicting them as young, not swaggering teenagers, still unfamiliar with Hogwarts and with each other.  

There have been lots of stories that open with a scene on the platform as the train is about to depart for the school, but what makes your chapter different from those other stories is the vision of Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter as little "firsties," unsophisticated, unscheming, un-rulebreaking, un-hell-raising...

 

I'm sure that will all come with time, but right now they're really cute.  You have the parents pegged well. In only a few lines of dialogue, Mr. and Mrs Black reveal their prejudices for everyone to see, and Sirius is obedient -- up to a point -- but we all know that that will not last much longer.  The goodbye scene with Lily and her family was heartwarming, and I was glad that Petunia also got into the spirit and wished Lily well.  

One thing I liked about this chapter (amid many things) was the variety of students boarding the train, and the variety of attitudes and behaviors that you attributed to them -- eager, shy, confident, apprehensive, thrilled -- it made the chapter very interesting, even though they're just doing something that has been done hundreds of times before, namely, boarding a Hogwarts train.  Even Alecto Carrow makes a brief non-speaking appearance, but it is enough that you mention that James doesn't want to sit in the same compartment with Alecto!

Your present writing direction seems to be rather far from this little story nowadays, but it was a good start, and maybe someday you will come back to finish it up.  It would be a treat to see where you were planning to take it, back in 2017.

A fun read.  Thank you for writing!

Vicki

Name: ImaRavenclaw (Signed) · Date: 02 Apr 2020 06:25 PM · For: The Mates in the Making

Hi there! Lily here for review tag. I decided to come review this story because it looked really interesting and I wanted to try something different. As always your description is absolutely impeccable! The way you introduce scenes is really good. And Marlene and Sirius are going to Hogwarts! That's really exciting. I'm kind of wondering why Sirius would roll his eyes at her mother. And wow his parents are really oppressive; I can understand why he ran away to live with James when he was 16 haha. Awww i love all the introductions of the future gang! Everything is so perfect. It's very interesting how they come together. And I really enjoyed how you wrote the relationship between Lily and Petunia, it is so true to form. Honestly if you wrote a whole five chapter on just Lily and Petunia bickering I would totally read it. The dialogue is flawless! And James! My heart. Oh my God.

It's a pretty short work so there's nothing much to comment on, but such a small story packs a big punch.

 

Keep writing dude! You're amazing.

Yours,

Lily

Name: justawillowtree (Signed) · Date: 16 Dec 2017 07:28 PM · For: The Mates in the Making

(Before I get into the review, I just wanted to give a tip for formatting: if you're copy-and-pasting text from a Word document, another website, or something like that, you can use Ctrl+Shift+V to get rid of all the formatting. This way, the formatting of your text will fit the new website, instead of using the same formatting from the older websites, which may not work.)

 

But that's just a nitpick! (I'm really formatting-obsessed, so please feel free to ignore me, haha.) I really enjoyed reading the stories of all our favorite Marauder Era children. It was really interesting to see your interpretation of their family's reactions, their personal values, and previous relationships (such as Sirius and Marlene). I rarely get to see this part of their stories, so this was really interesting.

 

Perhaps the part I found most interesting was the beginning, where Sirius and Marlene were getting dropped off by their parents. I liked how the two already knew each other before boarding the train to Hogwarts for the very first time, and I liked how you made a point to show that Sirius was different from the rest of his family, when he went to go help the fallen girl. Even though his parents kept pushing him to act as though he was above everyone else, Sirius still helped Dorcas. Marlene was a sweetheart, as well.

 

I'm really excited to get to the LGBTQA part of the story, haha, so I hope you'll continue on with this! It was a really entertaining read, and I can't wait to see more.