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Hey there, I’m here for CMDC round 2!
Oh my, what’s this? Two very, very different relationships being depicted very skillfully?
I like how James is the sappiest in the world. Valentine’s day, really? Tsk tsk James, I can feel that new cavity you just gave me from all the sugar in this chapter - also you scarred a woman and two small children for life XD I swear, you have me as paranoid as Sirius. I swear when he abruptly told her to get up all I thought was ‘oh hell no’, damned Dark Lord always ruining my ship with his evil shenanigans.
And then there’s Marlene and Sirius who definitely don’t love each other but keep cheating on their significant others. Why does Dorcas put up with this? I feel like everyone kind of knows but I’m not sure exactly what they know. They know it’s happened before but are they aware it’s recurring? Also is Marlene dating Mary? And does our very smitten Peter have any clue about it?
Green met grey and it made a storm.
I love this sentence.
Love,
Maria
Hey there, I’m here for CMDC round 2!
Oh damn, look at that almost kiss! Dayum son, it’s like Marlene’s lips are a magnet, everyone wants a piece (and now I’m just mixing metaphors, but I think it conveys my overexcitement rather well). I’m actually somehow not surprised at this new piece of information and I really like the informative flashes of the past sneaking up on the present.
Damnit, Molly already has babies. It’s horrible that the Prewett brothers who died were also twins but it also makes sense because having twins is a genetic predisposition and it would indeed run in the family, it’s just really sad to see the parallel between them, it’s heartbreaking. Somehow them dying together is better than Fred dying and leaving George alone.
They’re all so young and not ready for this, I can’t get over it.
Poor Lily just wanted a nice dinner for her birthday and she was served a bloody mess. Sirius is completely out of control again. Though honestly, knowing what we know about Peter, he’s right to be. He somehow managed to be a ‘great fucking prat’ to everyone like Dorcas so eloquently put it.
Love,
Maria
Hey there, I’m here for CMDC round 2!
Did you just create a parallel between Hermione’s torturing and Lily’s? That one look between Lily and Narcissa gave me so much hope. I like to think that for a second her explanation for her presence made so much sense that it made Narcissa doubt, even if for a second.
Voldemort is incredibly portrayed and same for Bellatrix. They’re both psychos and I love to hate them. The hair playing is incredibly disgusting and I like how Voldermort is smooth enough to attempt to bargain information out of her when he can’t coerce it, it’s everything I imagine him being. Also how unfazed he is at being disarmed, I just wish James would have gone in for blood and slapped him at least with a Stupefy.
Voldemort is the chillest dude, working on his networking, ‘care to join the dark side?’ and all of that, despite having literally been in the process of torturing the potential recruit’s wife.
I love the way you’ve described this fight, it was so fluid and I could really see it happening, which doesn’t happen often with fight scenes - they’re notoriously difficult to write, so kudos!
Marlene needs to get her head out of her ass. I personally love your Dorcas - I also love Marlene, but she’s being an idiot. I get that they’ve just come out of a really stressful situation, but it’s not like she was the only one to hold back.
Ah, Peter, lowkey admitting to being a traitor and no one actually noticing. Also WHAT about Mary?
Oh, damn, the Prewetts were killed. Also Dorcas completely lost it and I love her. She’s the only one paying attention and calling everyone out on their unhealthy behaviour. I doubt anyone will actually listen because a bunch of rowdy Gryffindors with far more bottom than sense wouldn’t, but I’m glad they have her mothering them - not that they ever appreciate her enough, mind.
Love,
Maria
Hey there, I’m here for CMDC round 2!
It’s maddening to see that there are also bureaucratic hurdles to surpass even in potential life and death events within the Order. The fact that Dumbledore doesn’t immediately allow it when he has 5 semi-free agents in front of him bothers to no end since I’m pretty much terrified for James all alone in that house facing Who-Knows-What (You-Know-Who’s younger brother, yeah). Hopefully it’s just Narcissa and he can kick her ass.
Marlene and Sirius are both crazy and reckless and I swear, it’s good that they have Dorcas and Remus to ground them, but I definitely get why they can’t keep their hands off each other.
I was wondering how they would know how to get in, but then I remembered Sirius pretty much lived at James’ while they were growing up on account of his family being a bunch of tossers. I like the idea of Marlene being James’ childhood friend, it makes more sense that she doesn’t give a toss about safety and that she’s rushing into danger to save him, even when there’s no proof that he needs it.
Also damnit Sirius, stop flirting, this is a… Sirius situation (I regret nothing).
Goddamnit, they both hexed James’ dad, those two complete idiots.
I’m glad Marlene took that one class because without it James would have been pretty much useless. Marlene’s pissed that Dorcas is less thoughtful than her, but when push comes to shove, Dorcas’ boring healing skills are pretty damned useful.
Holy cow, Voldemort’s in the house torturing Lily? This entire situation just keeps getting worse. It’s incredible how you keep conveying all these super complex feelings of helplessness and fear and showing, not telling, that despite everything else, they’re still kids.
Love,
Maria
Hey there, I’m here for CMDC round 2!
The first scene in this chapter was just the absolute sweetest thing! Even when Lily and him weren’t dating they were just meant to be. It’s a bit odd really, it’s not like her patronus changed to match his, I think? I like to think it’s not the same as Tonks and Lupin and that, right from the beginning, they just matched.
Also, I swear to God, this should be illegal because the rest of the chapter tugged at my heartstrings in an entirely different way. It was so fast paced and the dialogs were incredibly on point and I swear I’m just so stressed for them. The build-up for this chapter is insane.
I really like how you described the Potter Manor and the way the Invisibility Cloak comes into play. It makes perfect sense that James’ family being rich as they were would have an estate, just as the Malfoys did and it’s never mentioned in the books, so I’m assuming something happened to it in-between Marauders’ Era and the canon…?
Love,
Maria
Hey there, I’m here for CMDC round 2!
Can I just point out how your writing style keeps improving in this story? It’s insane! I know this is an old work but I just wanted to say it. It just keeps visibly changing, chapter per chapter and it’s just lovely to see!
I’m really glad Marlene’s back on her feet! I can sympathise with their scheduling dilemma and I find it adorable that, even though they’re out there in super dangerous missions, they also try to find time to all be together. It’s something so mundane and relatable, even the middle of such a dark time.
You also took the time to tell us what everyone else was doing before jumping in to show us a glimpse of each of their missions!
Poor Lily. Even though she’s pretty brilliant, she still feels out of her depth when the ‘adults’ are talking. It’s awful how, despite already knowing the world isn’t all puppies and rainbows, she just keeps finding out more reasons why everything’s going to sh--.
January 26th is the day they’re all supposed to hang out together, right? Narcissa's mission falls right on that day, which leads me to think they either already have someone on the inside (Peter, who is being absolutely no help at all at helping Sirius send a warning) or it’s all just a horrible coincidence.
Love,
Maria
Hey there, I’m here for CMDC round 2!
I just want to stress how much I like the first paragraph of this chapter, it’s so well-written and descriptive without being overdone? It’s short and sweet and it feels like winter, it’s just a lovely piece of writing.
I love how supportive of each other they all are, like a little family and how they take care of each other (like Sirius taking Dorcas’ cigarettes or Dorcas dragging Lily for the biscuits she’s secretly yearning for even though she’s a goodie two-shoes and never would admit it!)
Stupid Evans’ not asking Lily to come back home, it’s horrid.
I was so stressed out when Marlene collapsed, the sense of panic in Remus and Dorcas was conveyed perfectly. As much of a jerk as Sirius was about it, he did the right thing immediately apparating to St. Mungo’s, I feel like everyone else was just panicking.
Sirius stood outside of Marlene’s room very still. He did not believe in pacing.
I love this line, it made me chuckle :)
Ah, yes, our good boy Remus just flipping the bird to St. Mungo’s rules and walking into Marlene’s room is everything I didn’t know I needed in my life. I feel like Mary leaving and Samantha Eldridge asking them about it feels like foreshadowing…? If so I really like it.
Is Peter dating Mary? Hmmmm.
Jsyk, it should be illegal to play with my feelings the way this chapter did. It was beautifully written and every beat was super on point!
Love,
Maria
Hey there, I’m here for CMDC round 2!
I was so glad we’re getting a closer look into Marlene and Sirius’ relationship. It seems like he’s cheating on Dorcas with Marlene and it’s not the first time it’s happening - which is probably what him and Lily were talking about in the last chapter, though I didn’t get it back then because I’m an idiot.
Why does Marlene consider undercover a punishment? I feel like it would be something exciting, though honestly, if it mostly consists of a lot of waiting around in the cold, I get her.
In some of these paragraphs it’s a bit confusing to get who is talking. For example, "Sarah. Kiss me." Marlene rolled her eyes, convinced that the urgency in his voice was fake.” could perhaps benefit from a paragraph since you’re writing her reaction to what was said. It would read more fluidly if you made a paragraph for the reaction, but it may just be me?
I love how quick Sirius reacted to Rodolphus and how Marlene, even though she disapproved, trusted him enough to not interfere. Neither Dorcas nor Remus deserve any of this.
I really, really like how you’ve written the dialogue in this chapter. It’s very natural and lively and I love that we’re getting a closer look into their lives! The banter between Remus, James and Dorcas before Lily comes in is nothing short of adorable and I love how they keep poking fun at each other, it’s so good-natured and goofy. I like how they’re also sensitive enough to tone it down for Lily and that, even if she’s heartbroken over her mum’s death, she’s still worried about her friends.
Love,
Maria
Hey there, I’m here for CMDC round 2!
The formatting in this chapter is a bit off (there’s a series of really wide spaces between paragraphs), just thought I’d let you know!
I’m living for this Alastor Moody taking care of a bunch of rowdy kids thing! The suspense of the newspaper article was almost tangible, you had me at the edge of my seat waiting for someone to actually read it! It was very dramatic and the scene was set wonderfully.
I think the biggest shock was to discover the Vances were on James’ watch. I think it should be a wake up call for some of them, especially Sirius who seems to think their job is a joke.
I enjoy how you’re just showing us what’s happening in the world without prejudice, first showing Sirius pointing out that everything has been super boring lately but then highlighting how, even in the middle of what Sirius construes as ‘boring’ there’s actually some pretty heavy stuff happening. From some other reactions of his down this chapter, he seems to be pretty jaded about all of this and has gotten used to the status quo far faster than the others. I love how Lily calls him out, I really do hope it works.
Mary’s a reporter now working for Rita Skeeter? How awful! And she has to go to the Vance’s house and poke around the life of people she once knew and loved, that’s even more awful. I get the idea that she’s not just doing it just for her job? Is she trying to glean more information about the attack because she’s somehow involved with it? It’s maybe the fact that she sounds and acts so different than she did in the first chapter, I felt she was maybe more… demure, not so manipulative. Then again, it may just be Rita Skeeter’s influence.
Love,
Maria
Hey there, I’m here for CMDC round 2!
Okay, so my question from the previous chapter has been answered! Thinking about Alice and Frank Longbottom joining the Order made me incredibly sad.
I’m very still curious as to why Mary is there. Dumbledore might have his reasons, but it’s not as if asking someone to fight evil is something to be taken lightly. The other seven have apparently taken it in stride and are dealing with it fare better than Mary, which is probably because they implicitly trust each other as Remus points out - though Mary doesn’t know them very well, so I think it might not be enough?
I’d like to point out how funny it is that she’s the only one concerned with classes, even as she was just told something that will change her life forever. How very Ravenclaw of her!
The seeds of dissent are growing, and I like how you showed that by having someone in the crowd disapprove of Lily making the speech. It’s not just an idiot being an idiot, it’s a very poignant picture of the state of the world at this point in history.
Ah, Dumbledore, making a funny by using the word commencement. It cracked me up a little!
Also I love how James and Lily are lowkey making out at their graduation. Seems very plausible for two teenagers madly in love!
I’m writing this review as I read and I’m glad to see Mary declined the invitation as I supposed she would. It makes a lot of sense.
Two of the usual eight were missing that night.
From a few lines further down it seems like Marlene is the only one who kept in touch with her, so this feels a bit confusing, like Mary was supposed to be there but isn’t.
The light mood shifting as they remembered the Order is very tangible. They’re just kids, with hopes and dreams and a future and yet they choose to do something dangerous which is incredibly brave of them, it kills me a little.
I very strongly ship Marlene and Remus, btw. It’s just painstakingly obvious even in their limited interactions that they’re into each other - or this may just be my super ship spidey sense gearing into action.
That last scene chilled me to the bone, I swear. I’m guessing this is Mary and honestly, I’m not sure how long she’ll last.
Love,
Maria
Hey there, I’m here for CMDC round 2!
I just wanted to say I haven’t read Marauders fanfic for a while and this story immediately caught my eye!
The fact that Dumbledore calls them all in and their immediate reaction is ‘well, this is odd, I haven’t done anything’ is very Marauders! James and Lily already being a couple (and finding comfort in holding each other’s hands in an obviously nervous situation) is what I’m living for.
I wasn’t sure what the canon was on Mary Macdonald, so I had to check just to see if her House was really Ravenclaw. It strikes me as odd that she’s the only one in their midst who is from a different house, especially seeing she’s the only one who a) isn’t in the know and b) doesn’t feel comfortable around them, which makes me wonder what Dumbledore sees in her!
It’s unusual for me to feel out of my depth when it comes to HP fanfiction, but this fanfiction actually made me go read every one of those eight characters bios because, honestly, I don’t want to miss anything?
I feel like this is very well written but that you tend to use euphemisms to refer to people, such as ‘the Scottish woman’ or ‘the tall boy’ which makes for a harder read. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but using their names wouldn’t break the experience so much, since I then need to think ‘wait, what, who’s Scottish?’.
I like that Remus pointed out that it’s absurd that they’re being called in when they’re children, which makes sense. Also, poor Mary, she’s really out of it. I really hope they take care of her.
"The Order of the Phoenix is an organization that continually aims to defeat those who are continually aiming to defeat the society we live in. I'd like to give you each until the end of your schooling here to think about this," the elder man said.
I’m very excited about this! The Order of the Phoenix! I’m a little confused because Dumbledore said he wanted to create an organisation to fight the hard times lying ahead, but then he describes it in the present as something that already exists, which makes me wonder if they’re creating it or just joining it? It’s just a little ambiguous, but I’m assuming from context that they’re actually forming it.
Very excited to read more!
Love,
Maria
Hello! I'm here with the Magical Menagerie Reviewing event!
I want to first touch on the descriptions of each character given for 1981 -- that's an extremely clever bit of detail that will wind up becoming important as we work through the flash backward in time. I think that having those in mind while reading is going to be really neat, looking at how people were and knowing how they're going to be in 1981.
Next, I'd really like to congratulate you on your characterization of Dumbledore. He's a tough character to nail, but I think you've done a really nice job with him. Also, I can imagine that the group is entirely nervous, especially being called into Dumbledore's office. They know what kind of world they'll be leaving Hogwarts for, and it must be terrifying. Also, I love how you begin this with the concept of starting the Order of the Pheonix. With Voldemort rising, it's only a matter of time before the wizarding world will be in an all-out war, and it definitely needs people like the eight in this room to help hold it together. I do feel bad for Mary, who seems to be left in the dark, but Dumbledore's right -- time is running out.
Your writing is beautiful -- I'll be back to leave more love sometime soon!
-Rumpels
*Transferred from HPFF*
REVIEW TAG!
It's been simply ages since I read a Marauders fic about all the Marauders, and even longer since I read a serious one. I am so excited!
This is a super interesting start! Everything is appropriately mysterious and cryptic, as is fitting for a first chapter, I think. Dumbledore really doesn't like telling people the whole picture, does he? I wonder if that aspect of his personality will come in later on in the story as well.
The character I'm most excited about is Mary. She's the only Ravenclaw, the only one who has no idea what's going on, and she's the only one who seems to be showing the correct emotions in this situation - I'd be terrified and confused, too! Boo all the Gryffindors for pitying her!
Hopefully, I'll be back soon for chapter two! Fantastic start, once again :)
Hi I meant to review this last night, but it was three in the morning and I rather had a laundry list of things to do this morning. On the plus side, I now have clean clothes in the basket that only need to be folded and put away.
So, I like your username and the effectiveness of your banner is very nice. (This has been on my list to read for ages, by the way, and real life and adulting kept giving me excuses.) You should never judge fan fiction by it's cover or whatever, but the red "r" at the end? That's really art. (I've never had a banner placed in (or or it on) one of my pieces.
The opening of this piece? Those opening lines? That's really impactful and is an interesting way to deliver what you were trying to give an introduction into a flashback piece. Well done. Man, I wish I would have picked this up sooner and started reading through it.
The only thing that gets rather iffy here because it is so well written and so well done is this. Arthur Weasley said that his children were not allowed to join the Order even though his children, Fred and George in this case, had reached the age of majority, if you follow me.
I don't think that Dumbledore would have been that careless - simply reaching 17 or 18 doesn't mean that you're an adult mentally and ready to take on the wold and certainly not ready to take on a "secret society". I'm speaking specifically here of James and Sirius. Rowling says he grew up in his seventh year, and maybe he did, a little. I just don't see Dumbledore making that mistake with a horde of students (and portraits) and McGonagall who wasn't in the Order first go.
Just something to think about. I'm older - adulting takes time:) Really beautifully written. Probably the best I've read here in a long while.
Looking forward to continuing.
LSC
Author's Response:Wow thank you so much! I am glad to hear that my banner drew you in, because I love it as well! I'm glad that you enjoyed the writing and introductions, as that changes many times over. I do agree that it is irresponsible and almost a little unbelievable that Dumbledore would do this. I was trying my best to display his desperation, and I guess I just went a little too far. I can see how you read that and understand your point of view.
Thank you for your review! I hope to hear more from you,
blackballet
Hello there!
I have to say I was drawn to this from the very beginning. I absolutely adore the chapter titles, as well as the two words you used to describe the characters at the beginning. It has a rather haunting feel, and haunted Marauders give me life.
So only a short chapter, but it's definitely done it's job in drawing in the reader - I know I'll be following this story very cloesly! It's a good set up to what the story is going to be about, and I can't wait to find out what happens next!
Author's Response:Wow thank you so much! I am so glad that the first chapter drew you in, and am excited to see how you feel about the rest of the story.
Thanks again!
blackballet
Hello! I've seen this story in recently updated a few times and heard about it a few times, but I haven't had the chance to try and read this before now.
This was a relatively short chapter, but as an opening to your novel I thought it worked really well; this is a setting which most of us are quite familiar with Brough reading fanfiction, but you introduced your own take on it and set out clearly from the start some of the themes in the novel.
The first few lines were so interesting! I don't think I've really seen many stories which outline the characters so boldly before now, but I really liked the way that you chose to open the chapter. Stating the characters and then just your choice of two alliterative adjectives for each of them was really striking and interesting. I'm already fascinated by the way that you're going to explore the characters in this.
I liked the way you opened this novel with the eight of them being asked to join the Order, too. It's a really important occasion for them and I liked the way that you wrote it, showing how nervous and proud they were at the same time to be asked to join. Dumbledore always seems to be a difficult character to write to me, but you did a good job with him here, especially the dialogue and the fact you resisted the temptation to make him very verbose.
The ending was so succinct but I thought it was really effective. It's so sad to think they're so young but none of them have very long left...
Sian :)
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