Name: Ineke (Signed) · Date: 20 Mar 2022 11:16 PM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

here for the event <3

 

i mean yeah sure

 

ohhh yeah then everything hits all at once

 

thats shit

 

oh fuck

 

thats fucked up

 

its not on you

 

youre not weak, astoria, please do not think you are

 

i feel u on that

 

thats still not good tho

 

thats prob for the best tbh

 

i mean, mood

 

valid assumption to make 

 

eh, comfy and more practical also says a lot

 

fair

 

valiiiiid

 

srsly valid

 

very valid

 

he seems unsure tho

 

a bit harsh but i also can get it

 

astoria hun pls dont talk yourself down this much

 

rumours sometimes have some truth to be based on

 

fair

 

i doubt that but its probably better than it was

 

doesnt make it right

 

oh shit thats dark

 

v valid

 

yeah i doubt he is comfortable w that

 

i dont think draco wouldve done that though

 

i feel for him though, just a bit

 

oh god is she having a panic attack

 

wait he spoke to her brother?

 

harsh

 

she doesnt beat around the bush does she

 

and hes giving her advice?

 

he really would take the fall damn

 

there are good bartenders

 

yeah there is comfort in that

 

he really tries to turn a leaf doesnt he

 

after all that he still wants to buy her a drink? damn

 

maybe he doesnt want to tell you about them though

 

i mean i wouldnt want to ask fo entirely different reasons but im not astoria obv

 

and hes not beating around the bush either

 

damn

 

thats one reason for it

 

i doubt hed lie about this

 

progress

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 12 Mar 2020 08:38 PM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

Hey Branwen,

 

I'm here for review swap :)

 

So I thought the first line really hooked by attention straight away. I liked it because it invited a lot of answers for the character already. I think it also really helped established a tone for the story which I thought was really effective. I love the way that you've chosen the tell the story because I think that use of first person was really well thought out. I felt like more connected to the character because it felt a bit more like a friend telling a story.

 

I love that use of 'dead eyes, red eyes', I think it's really powerful imagery which I think is really striking description or maybe more of a catchphrase for the story/series. Wow, the idea that her sister used that curse on her to make her leave the school. I think that's such a cool creative backstory to integrate her into the harry potter narrative. I think her sister sounds like a piece of work for 'mocking' her for it. Astoria is obviously really tormented by that happening.

 

I feel sorry for that Astoria is comparing her brother because they're obviously very different people. It is obvious that Astoria really looked up to him. He seems like a good guy. I think you've build up so much about her in really few words so far. I think you've created some really intense issues for her to work through. I really like when a character has a proper journey to go on. I think the line about her not wanting to be 'weakling' for her brother was really interesting. It says it a lot about her character. I'm very interested to see/know more about her brother. Draco's line about Brandon giving slytherins a good name really makes me feel curious about him. 

 

I love how calculated she is when she is figuring out how escape from Draco. I think it's interesting how you've made her really against him and his 'death eater' ways. She is so feisty in these scenes with Draco which I love. I'm finding dynamic between the two to be so compelling. They kinda bounce off each other really well but it's such a distrustful thing. It feels like there is going to be a lot more to see from these two. I love how you've painted their beginning. They're both quite broken people but I think there is some kinship in there. I'm really excited to see how you develop them both as individual and as a pairing further because it's really promising start! I'm a fan!

 

Abbi xx

 

Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 22 Jan 2018 07:59 PM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

Congrats on your FROG nomination!

Your extensive headcanon about Astoria and Draco shows through so clearly here. The amount of detail included here, and the consistencies with which this adheres to your other fics (I believe I've read one that was set just after this) is quite remarkable and just adds to how real and complete this feels.

 

I love your characterization of both Astoria and Draco. In particular, how hard it is for both of them to recover from the war, albeit in different ways. I like that you show how the end of the war didn't solve everything - a lot was damaged, including people, and it takes a long time to recover from something so life-changing. Particularly I like the honesty about the fact that Astoria has unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking, and how she knows that's unhealthy, but could do far worse in terms of unhealthy coping. Astoria is really in such a bad place, shutting herself off from people who love her, like her brother, because she's afraid he'll blame her for not being able to resist an Imperius Curse. No one can blame her for that. But it's perfectly understandable, even if not entirely logical, that she hangs onto guilt about it.

 

And Draco - I know he really, REALLY messed up during the war and was kind of a rubbish human being in a lot of ways in the years leading up to the war and then in the war itself, but what redeems (or starts to redeem) him here is that he knows this about himself, and he's sincerely trying to atone for it. The fact that he's passing information about Death Eaters, and continues to do so despite the death threats, says a lot about him. Like if he just passed information once and then gave up because of the threats, I'd not have much of an opinion about that, but the fact that he is so committed and he keeps going because he knows it's the right thing to do even if everyone hates him, I respect that. And I feel bad for him because no one on either side likes him at all, and damn that's got to be pretty lonely and depressing. I can't blame Astoria for hating him now, but I do find myself hoping that she'll start to feel some compassion for Draco eventually. (Luckily, I know she does.... someday)

 

(Can I also just say that I love how everyone in the bar is quick to stand up for Astoria and how when shes being bothered by a dude, people tell him to back off. (I wish it worked that way in the real world too.) I suppose part of that has to do wiht the fact that Draco is a pretty recognizable Death Eater, so any altercations like this would have people naturally doubting him. Anyway, I appreciated that.)

 

Anyway, I really liked this portayal of their first meeting after the war - it seems very realistic, and as always, your characters are amazingly written. Great job. ♥

Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 21 Jan 2018 12:09 PM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

Hi, Branwen. So, I'm checking out FROGS noms and I thought I'd stop by here. :)

I enjoyed reading this and seeing how the relationship between Astoria and Draco started, I loved to get some more background for them.

It's always interesting to see things through Astoria's eyes, she is so analytical and you have such a precise characterization of her, it's really so great. It's also so interesting to see all her complicated relationships with her family and how they affect her. I'm a bit sad that she isn't on good terms with her parents and also that she can't bring herself to confide in her brother. He's clearly very concerned about him, and he seems to have good reason to be worried, too... At least she tries to keep herself in control, if only to avoid to worry her brother more...

I felt really bad for Draco. Of course he has flaws and past actions he needs to redeem himself from, but he is really trying and he didn't really have that big of a choice to begin with (we always have a choice, of course, but I'm sure you know what I mean) and he totally deserves a second chance. The way he was treated was quite unfair, but I suppose it was understandable to an extent.

Anyway it's really nice that they got to talk and that Astoria could start to see a better side of him, even if she doesn't really trust him (yet). I bet they both benefit from each other's company that night.

This was a nice piece to read, I will probably be back for more Greengrass sometime soon.

See you for now :)

Snowball hug,

Chiara

Name: Renacera (Signed) · Date: 10 Dec 2017 12:22 AM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

Hello again!

Okay, finally we have some Draco/Astoria interaction! Yayyy! I'm honestly so excited about this, but I'll try to stay objective so I can be useful to you instead of just gushing.

So let's start off with a question that I had while/after reading this! First off, it was a little hard to tell the timeline in this story. How long has it been since Unforgivable? In that one, Astoria was sixteen, so it seems like this happens a while after that if she's drinking legally (She has to be at least seventeen for that in the wizarding world, right?), but I couldn't quite tell how much time has passed. Is she still at Hogwarts? Or is she out in the world now? If so, she's still living with Brendon? I just wasn't quite sure!

Characterization-wise, I loved getting to see this side of Astoria. She's been through so much, and it was so hard to see that she's struggling so much, but it was also so realistic. I thought it was good that you explained that she knows drinking is her vice, but she's accepted that in lieu of other self-harm. I felt terrible for her though, and I really do hope things get better for her soon (possibly with Draco's help, hmmm?).

Draco himself was quite good as well! He's so different in this from how I usually read him, but I liked it! He's not quite as hotheaded, and I liked that he clearly knows he messed up during the war and is trying to atone for it. The one line that I wasn't so sure about though was when Astoria asks, "You really are scared, aren't you?" and Draco replies, "Yes, Astoria." It was hard for me to imagine Draco admitting to being afraid that bluntly to a person who's essentially a stranger. I also wondered why he was so interested in talking to her or helping her in the first place. I understand that he knows and likes Brendon, but going out of his way for Astoria was a big leap for me. I'm interested to read more about your Draco in other stories to piece that aspect of his transformation together.

The settings you chose were very vivid, and I liked the fight in the Three Broomsticks. It was an intense first moment for Draco and Astoria, and I feel like it shows what they're going to go through together if they're going to stick with each other.

Overall, I really liked this. It was wonderful to read about their first moments, and I absolutely can't wait to see where this relationship goes!

Onwards!

Best,
Emily

Name: manno-malfoy (Signed) · Date: 30 Apr 2017 05:01 PM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

I am back for more!

 I was thrilled to see that this story is much longer than the first one. I also thoroughly enjoyed how this gave you more space to get poetic with your prose, especially in the first bit of the story. To have Astoria describe how she felt about everything after the war and how she was coping in that way made jump of the page and get the feelings across. And from the get go, I sympathised her. But also, I could pick up that this made her very biased, which made me question her reliability as a narrator. And as the story went on, it only became clearer that her perceptions can be very skewed because she still doesn't feel safe and she still questions everything. This only made everything more interesting because it gave the story more dimensions. And what made it work so well is that it's written from first person perspective, so we could only really perceive things through her.

 It was sad to see Draco like this in this story, caught in between prejudice by the general public who still blame him for his role during the war (which is understandable), and between the death threats from the people he was turning in. Which he was doing to make up for his vices. But he's still caught between a rock and hard place, the poor thing. 

 I really enjoyed this, and loved getting to know these characters a little bit more, especially in this different, more intense light. And I'm so glad you've written more stories about these two, and I'll definitely track them down! 

Keep up the wonderful work!

 

Name: MuggleMaybe (Signed) · Date: 19 Mar 2017 02:29 PM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

Hello dear! I'm here with a review for the New Beginning Challenge. (Better late than never :P )

 

I think Draco/Astoria is a really interesting ship and your take on how they started is EXTRA interesting! I have to say, I agree with those who voted this story for best characterization - for both of them, but particularly for Draco. He's just SPOT ON. Great dialogue, too.

 

I assume the beginning is the start of their friendship/relationship. It's an interesting beginning because the story is very dark. I felt like it was night the whole time, all shadow and grief - but at the end there's a little spark of possibility that makes me genuinely eager to know more and see this grow into something new. 

 

(Please write more about this ship? Or maybe you already have - I will be checking!)

 

Thank you for your entry!

xoxo Renee

Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 07 Mar 2017 07:58 PM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

Hi Branwen!!!

I'm here on official prefect duty. Thank you for entering the challenge!

First off, what I love most about this story is its subtlety in a new beginning. Most people (me included) think of shiny new houses or jobs or relationships when they think of new beginnings, but you've shown through Astoria that though something new is blooming, no one ever really gets a fresh start, and her problems will follow.

I feel Draco here is similar to how we see him in Cursed Child - the begrudging helper. I love it. His character and his reactions are perfect.

Astoria's drinking (though I've no experience with addiction) feels very real to me. A coping mechanism, her fear and anxiety over other people knowing. It's all the start of something (a darker new beginning?) but I don't think she's deep enough yet, and there's still hope that she can change. But this makes her a raw and relatable character. It's horrible what happened with her sister, though.

And true to the challenge, you've left me with a sense of satisfaction that there really is something about to begin. That though these two characters are in dark places, they both carry baggage over the same war, and hopefully they can lean on each other over it all.

I must admit, my curiousity has been tickled over Astoria's brother. I guess I'll have to come back soon and read your other stories! :)

Well done and thank you, again. Good luck in the challenge! :D

Name: Crimson Quill (Anonymous) · Date: 07 Mar 2017 05:40 PM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

Hello!

I'm here to do your requested review, yay.

So I really enjoyed this, I don't read a lot of fics from this time period which I'm loving the review thread as I've got to read some interesting new fics.

I thought you really did great job with the character of Astoria, it's interesting to see your take how the war affected her as we know so little about the character. I really loved the way you've created this post-war world were the emotions seem so raw and real.

you did a really good job of first person and you really left me wanting to know more about Astoria as she is still such a mystery and I want to know how things developed with Draco too. I think that's the mark of a good writer to drawn your readers in like that! I like how their first meeting wasn't a fairytale and based off this one-shot I believe there is a really epic love story to tell between the two of them. <33

So pleased that you requested and I was able to read this! :) xx

 

Name: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap (Signed) · Date: 21 Feb 2017 08:12 AM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

I love Draco and Astoria so I had to read this. I really liked how you wrote post-war Draco. Of course he would be afraid of what's going on around him. He would be threatened for being a blood traitor and associate himself with Hermione and Harry, only to clear his name, make things easier on himself and I think because he's guilty. I could see him sulking and going into bars as a sort of hideout or at least to get a break from reality for awhile. I also liked how you wrote Astoria. I don't see her damaged too much in stories. She's usually the sudden addition of light in his life. I like that the two of them are darker here. They have baggage but why shouldn't they? Her sister sounds awful by the way. Uh. 

Name: AbraxanUnicorn (Signed) · Date: 15 Jan 2017 04:00 PM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

Hello! I'm here with a BvB review :)

Wow! What a very turbulent start to Astoria and Draco's relationship. I wasn't sure where it was going at first, or even who the protagonist was, and then things became clearer. I like that aura of mystery about a story and I think you worked it really well here.

Post-war Draco is so very different from his Hogwarts days, but he would be. The changes in his character appear to reflect his experiences. I'm left feeling quite sorry for him.

I really want to know more about Astoria's background and what else has happened to send her into this funk of semi-controlled self-destruction. There is more going on, surely. Are you going to turn this into something more than a one-shot at some point? Or have you written another story that delves further?

First person present tense is probably my favourite to read :) There's just one sentence I would change and that is 'he finishes his beer' instead of 'finished'

This was a descriptive, well-written piece that left me wanting to find out more. Great stuff :) X

Name: Aphoride (Signed) · Date: 10 Jan 2017 02:15 PM · For: dead eyes and red eyes

Hey Branwen! :) 

Omigosh, so I had to stop by this because I do have a soft spot for Draco/Astoria - there's something so fascinating about them, you know, and you're such a good writer, the chances were you were gonna do something awesome with them. 

And I was right :P I love how you've portrayed after the war. Even in such a small snapshot of what's going on, it feels so raw and so real: Astoria's drinking, not seeing her family, almost alone except for her brother; Draco's in danger, passing along information because he feels it's the right thing to do, but people want to kill him and no one wants to trust him. It's so emotive and so strong in your writing and it's so lovely. I feel like sometimes people forget about how long and how difficult it is to recover from things like that, and it's always so lovely to find people who do it justice in all its ugly, horrible, broken glory :) 

I love the way you've written Astoria, too. So far, the way she doesn't talk to Daphne, how she's so alone, how brazenly she admits the drinking issue - that she'd drink more if she had a place to do that but doesn't so she doesn't - it's almost more like can't, you know? That kind of fear of being found out holding her back, but it's so true - often that is what holds people back from admitting things, from dealing with things. I especially loved where she talks about feeling like she wasn't brave enough or strong enough to do the right thing - to fight with Dumbledore's Army and so on - in the battle. It's one of those things people don't really talk about - what about those who don't fight but feel that maybe they should have? How do you cope with that kind of guilt? It's awful, but it's so true and so real and you bring it to life so beautifully in Astoria's character :) 

Your Draco is amazing, too - I love the way he gets angry at being assumed to be the aggressor when she's really the one who attacked him, how he seems so lonely, how he just wants to reach out, have an ordinary (or at least boring) conversation about nothing. I loved the mentions of how he's passing information about Voldemort's supporters to the Ministry - and how much danger it puts him in - because he thinks it's the right thing to do. He owes Harry and them a debt, because they saved him (a lot :P), and now he's trying to make it up. You've made him so fascinating because he seems so angry and ready for a fight, ready to argue he has a right to be there just as much as anyone else, but he also seems at times so defeated and broken. It's a beautiful contradiction. 

As always, your writing is so, so good - but I don't think you really need me to tell you that :P I'm so, so curious as to where you're gonna take this - how Draco and Astoria's story is going to go. I get the feeling it's only gonna get worse before it gets better (gulp), so I'm preparing for angst, but it's such a great story and I'm so excited :) 

Laura xx