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Hello!
So now, after that HUGE reveal of Lily being a Squib, we can see a bit more of Lily's life at school and James Apparating into her warddrobe is hilarious OMG. I'm not sure I'd have been happy with my older brother appearing amongst all my clothes, but hey!
Maddie, bless her, is a good person to be able to put personalities aside like that and choose for the good of the team, especially at her age. I'm not sure all teenagers would have been able to do that. James obviously doesn't like Rosalind either; maybe it's just because of how Lily and Maddie view her, or maybe he's had his own encounters with her?
Magical sweets in a muggle school?! HAH - what if Maddie's or Lily's hair gets stuck as polka-dotted or lilac?? Interesting that the magic works better on ighter skin and hair colours - a bit like hair dye and body ink, I suppose.
Muggle Studies is...a strange subject. They have to know the workings of a washing machine (how many muggles know the workings of a washing machine??!) but they don't learn what to do in an emergency when muggles find out about magic, haha! I love how Maddie explains it all to Abigail - clearly another person she's not very keen on. Also comandeering James for the prom.
Lily has a point with Voldemort and Harry - when is James going to tell her all about that?
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Hello! Told you I'd be back ;)
It's clear that James is uncomfortable with living under the 'Potter' umbrella and benefitting from his dad's fame. Okay, James is famous in his own right, but if he's getting preferential treatment over other quidditch players, it's clear there are other factors at play here.
Brigid doesn't seem keen on muggle alcohol, or is she just pleased that James won't be going around and breaking the Statute again?? She's certainly trying to make a case for 'Leggy Allegra' LOL.
Well, no 'Leggy Allegra' but a very drunk Carlotta, it would seem. Poor girl, she's obviously had a skinful if she's out of it in a doorway. Good job that James spotted her; she could have ended up with hypothermia. And it was risky to bring her back to his flat where she inadvertently found out about magic because that could trigger more anxiety, but I don't suppose there was much else he'd have been prepared to do.
Good old Brigid taking control and putting Carlotta in the spare room and making James sleep on his sofa, haha! James seems to know a lot of breakfast-preparing women, lucky him. Maybe one day he'll learn to cook too??
It's a relief to see that Carlotta CAN be talked around; she hasn't told anyone (who would believe her anyway?) and she seems to be able to let go of that fear. I suppose she's realised that if James hasn't physically hurt her by now, he's probably not going to. The revelation that Lily is a Squib - you hid that so well, but the clues were there for us to find, the deliberate omission of the school name, of quidditch as Lily's sport, why she should know about Muggle Studies etc. So brilliantly done!
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Hello, I'm back!
Ooh yes, getting angry at someone who knows they've fked up isn't a great strategy as it's only likely to inspire more anger. Lily is the voice of disappointed reason here as she's been through this scenario before (how?? I want to KNOW what happened here - was this an ex-boyfriend, maybe?). Maybe the only solution is to get Carlotta's memories wiped ... or maybe as a last-ditch attempt, James could try talking to her? Maddie is right, though; many muggles would just stay quiet for fear of looking deranged. Carlotta was terrified; perhaps she's one who will keep quiet. She doesn't seem like the gossiping sort, although in fairness we don't know her that well yet.
Loved the banter between Lily, Kit, Maddie and James; it was super fun and light-hearted to read after the serious stuff of Carlotta facing Obliviation. And it certainly sounds as though Lily is all-round excellent at everything she does but wow, she's got a lot on her plate to keep up with everything?!
I'll be back soon!
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Hello again :)
"I tried to sound soothing though it wasn't my forte" BAHAHAHAHA!! Oh James, what has he got himself AND Carlotta into? :( Poor girl must be terrified, especially if he's still pointing his wand at her whilst saying 'yo, don't be scared'.
And the general consensus of opinion (well, Brigid and Rose's opinions) is that Carlotta should be Obliviated :( Which makes me very sad because there's good history between James and Carlotta and she's been good for James in general - she's even teaching him how to cook, a skill which he's defied learning about for years! I'm not sure how it can stay a secret from the rest of the family for long; these things always get out somehow, but maybe Rose will keep it quiet - she owes James now for having glimpsed Scorpius in her flat, after all. Speaking of Scorpius, I thought James was super mature (for once) to tell Rose it was up to her and that Scorpius cannot be held responsible for what his father/grandparents did. I wonder whether James is thinking of Harry when he says 'he's not his dad'.
Amazing chapter (well they all are, really, but this one has really created some waves)!
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Well hello there!
I love all the 'promise you'll be nice' talk to Brigid before she meets Carlotta. And the flirting between Freddie and Brigid is super cute and funny and I want more of it - no more Freddie running off with different women and upsetting Brigid! She deserves better than that :/
Yeah, a muggle nightclub with that many witches and wizards in attendance might not be the greatest of ideas. Rose might be a bit too fussy when it comes to her furniture but there's no doubting she can hold her own when it comes to fending off lines such as 'wild ride on my joystick' HAHAHAHA! Loved the introduction of Carlotta to the group and the quick-witted way in which she dealt with Brigid (who seemed determined to test her out conversationally). Carlotta keeping an eye on Freddie and coming up with distracting ideas really shows her thoughtful side here, despite all her 'yeah, not interested in anything apart from fun'. I think she's already a bit more invested than that.
Also adore the idea of the family going to watch the quidditch matches at Hogwarts when any Wotter kids are playing. LMAO at the porridge story and Maddie having to stay in her room all day. Kreacher comes in very useful here.
But ... I might have known that there'd be trouble ahead for Carlotta in James's flat (WHY did he tell her where the spare key was? What an IDIOT). Just HOW is he going to explain this to her??
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Hi again!
Defying Sinead's drinking rule is not big or clever - it's there for a reason! Carlotta seems keen to see James again and so does he but he's hanging back a little. For someone who says she's only after fun, she was quite persuasive there, haha! Obviously James is getting under her skin a little, hmm?
Grandma's birthday. I'm guessing this must be Grandma Lily as Molly seems to be referred to in a different way. Of course it will always be a sober occasion. And James seems to recognise the difference in significance because this is one occasion he buys presents for himself rather than relying on others to to the work for him. What happens to the presents? Does the family donate them to a charity or something?
The conversation around school was interesting; why Lily should be expected to know about Muggle Studies? Also it does sound as though she's taken on a lot - subjects, Head Girlship, quidditch - as well as the interview to prepare for. Exams will be coming up too. Poor Lily :/
Oh. The scene around Grandma Lily's grave was just :sob: and the mention that this was one of the times when the family presented a united front. So I have to wonder why it's not presented at other times or what the undercurrent is here? :eyes:
Another amazing chapter, making me laugh and breaking my heart a little bit too!
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Hi...
Carlotta moves faster than James does. I think he needs someone like this to keep him on his toes and interested. It appears he's not that bothered when they hand themselves on a plate to him. Probaby because fame has followed him around his whole life and it's nice to know that someone (Carlotta) is genuine. At least I hope she's genuine...
Oh dear. That doesn't sound like a very promising start to quidditch team practice. I suppose 'getting it out of the way' is a seensible view, haha! Just have to hope that the following practices don't continue in the same vein, right?!
Lily meeting Carlotta!! BAHAHAHA!! OMG, that could have gone disastrously, but Carlotta was as cool as a cucumber 'last week's trash' LMAO. And nothing that Lily can really say to that apart from 'welcome to the family'. Just brilliant! I'm so glad Lily and Carlotta are going to get on because I love them both as characters so, so much!
Loved the quidditch training scene at the end. You really write dialogue and set the scene so well!
Meera <3
Hello again!!
Impromptu phone-call and James unexpectedly needs to show up at the quidditch ground - fair enough, it happens, but isn't that a bit risky telling Carlotta to stay as long as she wants? What if she finds Cordelia the pygmy puff, or someone Apparates in, or an owl decides to deliver a letter?? :eyes: YIKES!
Oooh, so there's going to be some World Cup action? Yeah, I guess they could have cut down on the breaks and shortened the season that way, but it could have caused quite a bit of fatigue amongst players and officials. Although three months off seems excessive, haha. Glad James managed to get his hands on a pasty at the meeting!!
That was super lovely of Carlotta to cook the food so that James can freeze it and reheat portions for meals. I can't believe Ginny still does his shopping - he's so spoilt lot - and that she buys him stuff he has no idea what to do with. Isn't it a waste most weeks?? I mean, if he can't fry mince and leaves it in his fridge, it'll just go off...
Lily's job application sounds an interesting choice. Always dangerous when your heart's set on one particular thing, though. I hope it goes well for her...
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Hi again!!
OOoh, I don't think Rose took kindly to that extension of her name there, haha! That bit of informaton about Apparating was interesting - of course it would be difficult magic to apply anti-Apparation wards - so theoretically, anyone could Apparate into anybody else's house? Hahahaa at Rose throwing James's privacy argument back in his face!
Rose slut-shaming Albus is just the funniest thing!! Poor Al - I get the feeling that the night of the wedding wasn't normal behaviour for him as he does seem pretty embarrassed about it. Are he and Rose sharing a flat, then? Rose seems pretty bossy - firstly about the sofa springs and then about the fireplace. Having a fireplace connected to the Floo network will undoubtedly cause a lot of soot to end up all over the floor.
So James has persuaded his cousins into the Tavern? And he's learned that cheese does not always mean a dairy product, haha!
'Al, short for Albert'. Of all the muggle names James could have chosen, he opts for that one? What about Alexander or Alfie?? Poor Al. Although I bet James was a little rebuffed to hear his brother referred to as the hunk with the gorgeous green eyes, hahaah!!
Things are definitely going somewhere with James and Carlotta; for two people who are intent on just having fun, they already seem to be gravitating towards each other. Their banter is such fun to read and there's huge amounts of chemistry there already. I love Carlotta's ambitions and the way she's going about saving up to fulfil her dream of cooking for a living. Also :eyes: at the way that James kinda rushed through his answers about where he went to school. I hope she doesn't start asking him what subjects he took. And maybe he better read up about football in case she asks him more about that because that could trip him up completely.
Loving this story and can't wait to read what happens next!!
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Hi again!
So I guess Allegra is off, then, now that Carlotta is in. Although James doesn't strike me as the deep-and-meaningful type so maybe Allegra isn't totally off...who knows?! Great bit of dialogue over the breakfast - James isn't pulling the right girls and Carlotta isn't pulling the right boys, haha!! And super sweet of James to give Carlotta one of his Weasley jumpers to walk back in, and even sweeter that he's kept them all!! Maybe he is emotionally deeper than I initially gave him credit for??
Ooof, but that was a close call with Brigid Apparating directly into James's flat. I'm not sure I'd like that level of invasion on my privacy if I was James. Obviously, he doesn't mind so much, but what if he'd been making out with a girl on his sofa???
Carlotta returned the jumper!! That's such a nice gesture. She's obviously got a good memory for places as she knew how to find James's flat again. And maybe her finding out that James kept all his Weasley jumpers makes him seem a bit softer and more endearing?
I think that Allegra can probably wait too!
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Hello again!
Ginny seems to have a good relationship with James, much better than Harry does - it's almost as though Harry doesn't really know what to say to his son at times; things seem to have been a bit awkward between them in their interactions so far, without any obvious cause. But the banter between James and his mum is great - bit of cheek and retaliation from Ginny. Maybe it's because they have a quidditch career in common? I dunno.
LOVE the idea of a muggle club called 'The Witch's Tavern' - that name would be bound to lure anyone from the magical world in, haha!
Keping eyes on Della and Ryan, now that it's been mentioned, but how will it affect team dynamics if they do go for it? I get what Ryan was saying about the comparisons of female vs male sports stars - men seem much more sought after than their female counterparts and that's hardly fair, but it is an astute observation.
Freddie 'Brigid's not looking bad tonight' aka 'Brigid looks hawt and I want to jump her bones' - in which case, stop acting like an asshat and picking up every other woman then!! Honestly, unless Freddie grows up a bit, Brigid is better staying away from him.
But new girl; who dis?? But exotic, James? She's not a frigging mango. I like her dry comebacks and the fact that she's not falling over herself to flatter James. Probably has no idea who he is. And wow, once her friend has gone home with Freddie, she moves fast. Leaving James trailing in the dust...
I like this girl too!!
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Hello again!
LMAO at James having a Witch Weekly interview to look forward to. Yeah, that readership might not be quite so invested in quidditch and a bit more obsessed with James's pecs or whatever, haha!
Ooh, that night out! I can see things ending rather chaotically for one or more people. I love the way you seamlessly introduce new characters into this story without making it feel overloaded and are juggling all these storylines at once - how do you do it? I also love how you can describe the characters with one line and yet it tells us so much about them too.
It's probably best that Brigid didn't come out tonight if Freddie was simply going to wrap himself around yet another woman. WHAT does she see in him, anyway?? Lucy, gushing over Klaus, haha - yeah, I can imagine she wouldn't be that much fun to converse with if she's only got one topic on her mind. And I am all :eyes: to see what develops between Allegra and James here!
I don't envy them all their hangovers tomorrow, though I suppose there's probably a potion for that...
Moving onto the next chapter!
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Okay, so I realise I'm reviewing your stories out of order. It's just the galazy event sending me in strange directions, ahem. But I had planned to review this one a long time ago and now I've got the opportunity, so let's go!
Yeah, stripping the duvet off someone is always going to be risky! Sure, it will wake the bed occupant up, but the perpetrator might need mind bleach afterwards, lol. James's voice is SO FUNNY in this story; I adore his narration style!
I can't believe that James's agent buys his sister's birthday present for him - well, I suppose I can. James might be a quidditch star but he's got a lot of catching up to do in other areas of his life, such as general maturity. At least Brigid knows what Lily will go for present-wise and pays attention when she points out something she likes.
Ooh, a Potter breakfast!! Yay! But Madeleine flirting with James, ew! Poor Lily having to put up with that - and it's her birthday! Of course Lily knew who had bought her present, haha! And James declaring it too short - well, you should have chosen something yourself then, shouldn't you James? Your own fault as usual.
The mention of Freddie being in bed with another woman seems to have upset Brigid - I'm guessing she has a 'thing' for Freddie (actually, I know she has a thing, but let's pretend I'm reading this fic for the first time, haha). It's an awful feeling when you hear about the person you've lost your heart to shacking up with someone else.
I like Aunt Audrey's witty comeback about classiness and the way James inhales his breakfast lol. And the banter - such fun! And the comparison between Aunt Audrey's humour and Uncle Percy. It's a great scene to introduce us to some family members :)
But what had been a close shave??
Great second chapter!
Meera <3
I'm so sad such a magnificent story has so few reviews that I decided to start from the beginning and remedy that. At the risk of sounding like a crazy stalker, I confess I've read OTR so many times I could probably leave a review for each chapter without actually re-reading any of it...
The opening to this chapter is brilliant; you give us so much insight into James's character without actually describing him. He's a commitmentophobe, a Quidditch star, probably hellishly good-looking, and could virtually get away with murder when it comes to women. He appears to have a great relationship with one of his siblings (Lily) but I wonder how he gets on with Al, considering that he doesn't sit with his brother at Dom's wedding, and there's a bit of stilted, awkward conversation between them. I wonder whether they have never really got on, or whether something sparked the animosity between them because there's definitely an atmosphere there. I have to feel for Cassie; it's probably taken a lot to propose taking hers and James's "relationship" to the next stage and it's an awful feeling when the person you like doesn't feel quite the same about you...
Freddie and Brigid. There's some history and definite sexual tension between the two. I love the way that Brigid as James's agent does all his present-buying for him - no wonder the guy's so spoilt, what with Brigid running around after him and Lily chivvying him too - it's amazing James ever gets anything done by himself. Something tells me he's going to do some growing up during this story!
You do such a good job of introducing us to so many characters at once without the chapter becoming convoluted and confused. There are so many potential dynamics and I'm totally excited to read more about where this story will be going (Well, I know where it's going because I know it like the back of my hand, but let's pretend, eh)? And TBH this story is my guilty pleasure anyway, so it's no hardship to be reading it again!
Pins x
.... I feel like I've read this before.... I'm not sure. The scene with the pygmy puffs was oddly familiar. Or maybe there's another story that has a similar scene and t's just a coincidence.
Anyway. I like how this chapter reveals more depth about James. I was worried that he might just be a shallow jock, but that's not the case. He's caring towards Bridget, even though he feels awkward and doesn't know quite how to help her. I love the line: “Stop criticizing my attempts at being sympathetic.” LOL That dialogue played out nicely in my head and it was amusing.
I can’t quite work out Freddie and Bridget. Sometimes it seems like he doesn’t like her (shagging up with other woman) but other times it seems like he does (blushing at the story of when she got really drunk). Does he like her? Does he not like her? Does he not realize that he likes her? I’m not sure.
I’m also curious to see where you’re taking James. In your story summary, it says that he hooks up with a muggle. I’m super interested in seeing that happen! But, to be honest, at this point in the story, I’d be down for James ending up with Bridget. She seems to be one of the few people that he allows to see his real self. And she seems to be one of the few he actually tries at their relationship.
Reviewed for RvG November goGOLD
Hey there! So first of all, I really like how this story is set when James is 21. There are so many Next Gen stories that happen in Hogwarts. And I love those stories too! But it's nice to have a change. The characters face and encounter mroe adult problems, and I don't feel so weird reading about characters getting drunk and/or sexual content because then they're not minors. Yay.
I like how you set up James. In my opinion, hooking up with that many people in a short span of time isn't healthy. But I can see where you're going with him. How someone is going to come along and rock his world and he's going to be the one to want a relationship. I can't wait for that day!
I like the family dynamics you got going on. I love Lily! I like how she’s scared away some of James’ girls. And I like how she’s like Ginny and how she pokes and prods James to get going and clean up and stuff. Again, I’m looking forward to the day when he meets a girl that he would willingly get his act together for her.
Moving on to chapter 2!
Reviewed for RvG Go GOLD November
Here is what I've decided, you do relationships so well. Seriously, there are so many different dynamics to each relationship and it's just really cool to see how everyone fits in together. I love seeing more of James and his personality and knowing that his usual role in Brie's life is to sort of beat up those that have done her wrong and Fred was the one to do the actual comforting. So now when it's Freddie that has done her wrong, James is struggling a bit to fit into the role that he knows she needs.
It's also slightly sad because as we continue reading you really do see that Freddie is interested in Brie. I know in the beginning chapters you mention it time and time again that he really is interested in her but now we actual do see some evidence to support that he does like her though he continues to mess up his chances with her as he doesn't understand that she really likes him too. Love is messy like that though.
Even though everything flows really well, at times I feel like this story (this chapter in particular) could benefit from more description. It seems like most of the chapter is a lot of talking which does move the story forward but I also don't know much about the setting or descriptions of the characters other than James's comments on being leggy and such. It would really help to pull me even farther into the story so that I could feel like I am there. Adding those senses to the story will help.
Otherwise it was a very enjoyable chapter and I can't wait for the next update. The characters are absolutely amazing and really bring that to life. Great job.
~Slytherinchica08~
Another amazing chapter. You do such a great job of making everything seem really interesting. Take the breakfast for example. Normally it would seem really boring and rather fillery to have in the story. However with all of the conversations going on, it really helps to develop more of your characters and continue to set the tone on how future events might go. I imagine with how things are with James and Lily currently, that if he ever catches her in the dress he got her, he will probably freak out as well as if he catches her with a guy. He seems like he is the overprotective big brother.
I also loved how Audrey is his favorite aunt considering how she is with Percy and seems like a rather dry person otherwise. Although the fact that she has gone to every single one of his games when noone else in his family could say that really does say something for her as a person. She must really care for him and support him. And I do hope in the future we see more interactions between the two.
It was also really fun to see the interaction between James and Lily's friends, they seem to love James and go along with him in protecting Lily (or in Maddie's case) make her rather uncomfortable. I love all of the dynamics and relationships that you have. It really adds depth to the story and makes each character their own.
I like how while James is very much a playboy, he also seems to be really grounded, especially with his success. Yes he keeps the magazine in his apartment that he is featured on but he also knows that there is a chance he might not get into the world cup team and while he wants it and is going to do everything he can to get it, he realizes that there are others out there wanting the same position and who are older and more experienced who might get it. It's nice to see that there is a Quidditch player who doesn't seem to think that the sun rises and falls with them and will admit that it's a team effort and that his other two chasers do just as much work.
I'm excited to see where the next chapter will take us with this story. Great job.
~Slytherinchica08~
Oh man the feelings reading this chapter has brought back to me. I remember reading this on HPFF ages ago and saw it here and knew that I needed to leave you some love for this story.
Off the Rails will continue to be one of my favorite reads. Which is saying something because I'm typically a hardcore Dramione fan so to pull me away from that is huge.
One of the things that get's me the most about this chapter and makes me want to continue reading is how well it flows. From the first sentence of the chapter down to the last it reads so well. Typically when I see that a chapter is 5000 words long I can feel a bit crushed by the amount of words which makes the chapter seem to drag on. However I got none of that here. I was so pulled in to the story that it seemed like no time at all when I reached the review box.
Another thing you do beautifully is the characterization. Everyone has been painted in their own light with their own characterizations shining through and it feels like I'm there and that I know these characters on a much more personal level. And within the characterizations you've already added so many elements to the story without making it seem to be information overload. It's really amazing how you've managed to balance everything out.
James is definitely shown as being a bit of a playboy in this chapter so I'm excited to see (I can't quite remember how everything works out) how someone comes along and is able to make him question his lifestyle that he seems to be set on. I also loved the ending bit with Freddie and Brie. I really do hope that they come to realize that they are the ones for each other.
To be honest, I feel like I could really just go on and on about how amazing this first chapter is and how it does everything that a first chapter needs to do to get me hooked but I think you get the idea. Great job.
~Slytherinchica08~
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