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Hi, Delaney!
Well, that date was pretty short. So much for being "cautiously optimistic" about it. On the first date Richard seemed to be just amazingly clueless about dating, but now we see his bigotry, classism, and downright cruelty ("Did your biological family not want you?") Richard is a real loser, and I hope we don't see any more of him!
Beatrice is surprisingly candid about her personal and familial business when talking with people who are essentially strangers to her. Her personal defenses seem to be wide open. I'm not sure if this means she is supremely confident, or if she doesn't have a sense of over-sharing. Luckily most of the people she interacts with (with one notable exception!) are friendly and well-meaning towards her.
But she will probably learn more about prejudice against werewolves as time goes on.
She is an interesting character with a very big heart. (She even gave Richard a second chance!) Thank you for writing. :)
Vicki
Hi, Delaney. Here I am again to follow the adventures of Beatrice and her undetermined love life.
I like how you show her as very open and at ease while talking with Remus. Of course the bookstore gives them an automatic subject to talk about -- books -- and a way to share information about what they like. You can tell a lot about a person by what kind of books they like to read.
Remus accepts immediately when she offers to treat him to lunch. Some men would have demurred -- "Oh, no, it's on me" --but Remus is not plsaing games about who pays for what. He takes her at her word that this is something she wants to do -- and why not? -- and so he is honest in his acceptance. That's kind of nice to see, both of them being confident and honest.
You show us a pretty non-commital parting of the two after lunch. Remus is interested, or maybe I should say intrigued, but she doesn't know that right now.
So when Richard come around again, asking for a second date but still clueless as to what constitutes a god date, Beatrice is good-hearted enough to give him a second chance (the triumph of hope over experience). Their relationship looks to be more a matter of social coaching on how to date women that a potentially romantic pairing.
Will they run into Remus at the theater or on the sidewalk during this date? I sure hope not!
This is a cute story, and your characters are interesting. Thank you for writing!
Vicki
Hi, Delaney, I'm here to continue reviewing your story.
Beatrice is a good sport to go on a gala sponsored by her Department even though she'd rather be at home with a good book. Obviously she finds parties like this rather superficial.
And she's a good sport to accept a dance from a young-ish man she doesn't know. Interesting that he doesn't recognize the name Winston Churchill. We often see that in fanfic, that a wizardly education leaves wizards ignorant of the history of the wider world.
Richard Churchill's social skills are a bit rudimentary, but his intentions are good, and it's nice of Beatrice to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I liked your description of the 'date': a technical lecture that almost put Beatrice to sleep, but Richard liked it. And you show his undeveloped social skills when he declines to have some dinner with her afterwards and goes home to "do some work." You don't usually see characters like him in fanfic, so clueless in interpersonal relationships.
Beatrice is different. She "invites" herself to the Burrow without a second thought, knowing that Arthur and Molly will welcome her. Sje frankly decribes her lukewarm date with Richard Churchill, but her kind nature shows through when she says she'd be willing to give him a second chance.
Arthur and Molly don't know either Richard or Remus very well, but of course Molly, true to form is interested in Beatrice's love life. I suspect that Richard is moving downward on Beatrice's list of suitors and Remus's position on the list is rising. You suppose?
This was an interesting chapter. Poor Richard. Will he ever find love?
Thank you for writing!
Vicki
It’s a date! Is it? Maybe it’s a date? They are having a meal, getting to know each other, so I’m calling it a date. I noticed that Remus asks a lot more questions than he answers and he rarely gives away important information. (That he likes steak and kidney pie isn’t super important, but I’m not surprised he went for the eat dish.) However, he did admit that his mom was dead and his relationship with his dad was strained.
Is he interested in her? He couldn’t help but watch her walk away (point for liking her) but when she suggested they do it again, he was not only noncommittal “maybe” but was also “absentmindedly” when he said it like other thoughts were more important.
Remus is being very confusing.
This thing with Richard is not going to work. I wonder why either of them are even trying.
Richard seems suspicious. After a few words and one dance, he asks her out. I guess if he’s a wizard, his owl can find her later.
Haha! Lecture dates. That sounds disappointing, but some people are single-minded like that.I would like to know a little more about someone before I agree to go out on a date, but then, I’m not Beatrice.
Good luck to Beatrice on her next date, and good luck to you with your story!
Pix
Hey, I didn’t know that Hogwarts was open for research visits, but I know that Beatrice really wants to help Nate. Her sister is so worried! I expected that Dumbledore would have sorted out who Beatrice was through the correspondence already, but now I know too, all the things. You have told me a lot of things in this story. So many.
Ah, it’s good Beatrice got an introduction to Hermione at the Quidditch match. That was smart. Now she knows someone here. Good setup. They are all so FRIENDLY!
Pix
Oh dear! The note at the front says she’s been in a… a what, now? A COMA??
So now we get to meet her family. I’m feeling a bit of tension from them about certain things that they pick on Beatrice over. I’m not sure I’m getting a great ‘supportive family vibe’ from them. Maybe they want wha’ts best for her, but they aren’t great at showing it. That’s the way with families sometimes.
Oh no! Nate!!!
Oh no! Mike!!!
Pix
There’s lots of characters on the page, I hope I can keep them straight. The niffler was great for a meet-cute. I do like Remus. He’s so reserved and honest, and the conversation on the street felt very revealing. Your Wizarding World seems so inviting! Beatrice must feel like she’s found a new home!
They do a lot of talking, and then, oh goodness! Beatrice gets hit on the head with a rock!!!
I thought you might have a soft spot for your characters, but I may be mistaken. (wink wink)
Pix
My that date was disaster, but honestly would she really want to date this guy. First, he picked a rather unusual, specific activity which he would, obviously enjoy, but what about the rest of the world. Then he starts the date at 5 and didn’t even consider dinner (or thought she ate at 4:00? Really? Plus he doesn’t even know who Winston Churchill is. (I understand he’s a muggle, but still the guy must have some basic knowledge of history to keep my (and Beatrice’s) attention.) Sounds like it’s a good thing that it fizzled out quickly.
At least she got some good conversation and delicious Molly Weasley food before the evening was over.
Hi, I'm here for the Project Tempus Linea.
I found it interesting that Newt Scamander created the Werewolf Registry. Is that canon? I think you are right that he created it with good intentions. (Afterall, this is Newt we’re talking about.) but, no doubt, the Ministry is using it for exploitation now.
In her letter to Pen, is Beatrice recommending Wolfsbane or trying to scare Pen away from it? Is Beatrice a potions expert? I ask because she might be able to make substitution recommendations if Nate is allergic to some ingredients. She must really know her potions.
We get to meet the family that was so briefly described to us in chapter 1. I like how the older sister is still considered a “little girl” by their father. It gives you a nice picture of the love and comradery within the family.
I feel so sorry for Nate. It’s not going to be easy, but I bet this is a great segway to bring in everyone’s favorite werewolf.
Suggestion: Try not to list random facts about people, instead weave it into the story. I learned a lot about these people but have no connection to the facts, so it doesn’t mean much to me. Instead try to focus more on character’s feelings. We can tell that Pen is upset her son is a werewolf because her lip wobbles, but how does Beatrice feel? Is she horrified? Sad? She just accepts it? Doesn’t she want to know how it happened? (Even if mom isn’t ready to talk about it yet.) It would be the first question on my tongue.
Hi, I'm here for Project Tempus Linea
We learn a lot about our protagonist in the first few words as far as her background. I wonder what she thought of Diagon Alley the first time she saw it? No doubt, she’s been to several “Diagonal Alleys” of various cultures but I’m betting this one is always special.
Next we are introduced to Remus. Tall, brown hair, always trying to be helpful. I knew it was him before he even introduced himself. “Cheeky little bugger” is a great way to describe the niffler. I’d love to hear more about this niffler, more about the chase he gave them or what types of items he stole.
I find it amusing that Remus got Beatrice to talk all about herself, but never mentioned a single personal fact. I wonder if it’s because he finds her interested at the moment whereas the feeling isn’t reciprocated, he’s just a polite guy who likes to make people feel special or that he doesn’t like to give any hints to his own unique background.
Well, Bill, if you trying to pick her up, asking her age was NOT the way to do it.
Good thing that she’s a “decent duelist” although it looks like she wasn’t in the fight for very long. I like the way you left it at a bit of a cliffhanger.
Hi, Delaney. Here is a review for Chapter 3 of Lunar Rhapsody.
Things are progressing rapidly, but if this story spans 30 chapters as you suggested it would, then there is still a lot of progression to occur!
It looks as if Beatrice is making some headway in her research. There's an interesting difference between the two sisters Andie and Beatrice. Beatrice is trying to help, but Andie and Mike are not supportive at all. Do you suppose that's a cover for their real feelings, which might just be fear for the safety of themselves and their children? Like people used to treat victims of AIDS when that disease first appeared.
It is good, as Beatrice says in her letter to Pen, that a treatment, Wolfsbane Potion, does exist to lessen the effects of lycanthropy, but Pen would be dismayed about the associated difficulties -- the cost, the risk of a bad batch, and (I've never heard anyone mention this drawback before) the possibility of an allergic reaction. I wonder if Nathan's Healers have discussed Wolfsbane Potion with Pen and Tony already.
That was kind of Hermione to invite Beatrice to have dinner with the Gryffindors at their table in the Great Hall. Beatrice will be needing friends here in Great Britain,and the Weasleys will probably be helpful in many ways as time goes by.
So where, or under what circumstances, will Beatrice meet up with Remus Lupin again? Sadly I don't have much hope for any romance because this story takes place just about 3 years before Remus marries Tonks (if you are going to follow canon on that point). Well, maybe a whirlwind romance that ends with sad goodbyes.
Waiting for your next chapter,
Vicki
Hi, Delaney I'm here to read Chapter 2 of your new story and comment on it.
I hope that Beatrice doesn't suffer any long-term effects from her head injury (though it could be a plot twist if she does). It must have been serious since she was unconscious for a week. I'd like to think that wizard healers have special magical techniques for cases like this one. In any case, Beatrice seems to have perked up pretty quickly, being young and basically healthy.
I'm guessing that this day is the first day that the family has been together in London since Beatrice arrived two months ago. I notice that her older sisters Andie and Pen are quizzing her about whether she has, in that two-month period, "met anyone interesting." It sounds as though they are concerned about her still remaining single at an age greater than they were when they married. and are hoping that she will soon find Mr. Right here in England, apparently not having found him in the United States.
That's a shocking revelation, that Tony's and Pen's son Nathan hes been bitten by a werewolf. Immediately I want to know first, how did it happen? And second, is he getting adequate care with the latest treatments? And finally, how is Remus Lupin going to get involved in this family's tragedy?
It's understandable that Beatrice would shout when she hears about Andie's and Mike's unkind reaction to the news, but Beatrice needs to be reminded that she's in a public restaurant and people can hear what she's saying.
This is going to split Beatrice's family apart. That's a tragedy too. Maybe we're not going to explore a historical mystery in this family after all.
I''m interested to find out what is going to happen to them all. Thank you for writing.
Vicki
Hi, Delaney,
I am here to read your first chapter and comment on it. Right away I am intrigued by your main characrer's occupation -- a Magical Historian. Not only is that an occupation almost never written about in HP fanfiction, but it creates great scope for the plot of the story because there are so many paths a historical investigation can lead us down. I had to smile at what Beatrice said about the department she works in, The Department of Magical History Preservation, that it is "small and unknown." I would have to agree; I've never heard of it before. :)
The prologue is a display of quick action. In just 1577 words we are introduced to Beatrice and get a fast synopsis of her 34-year-long life from her birth to the present month. You have introduced us to some of the main characters of the story -- Remus, the entire Weasley family, and Harry and Hermione. (The niffler doesn't count as a main character.) Her boss, Kathleen Huntington, will doubtless be involved in this historical mystery also.
You usually have romance in your stories, but the Weasley boys are all too young. Will it be Remus Lupin? Was it love at first sight for Beatrice in Diagon Alley? That's a good basis for a story -- a historical mystery with a side serving of romance.
I am still in the dark as to where this story is going. Thank you for writing!
Vicki
Hello Delaney! I'm here for the Snowlodge event as well as your wishlist so I thought I would stop by and review this story as I haven’t reviewed your works in a long while! With that being said, let’s move onward to the review, shall we?
So to start this off, I would like to say that it’s good that we’re provided a bit of background on the protagonist: Beatrice Holloway after we’re introduced to her. I must say that it's upsetting that she was given up for adoption because she displayed magic. What horrible Muggles indeed for not accepting that part of her! I’m glad that she was, however, adopted into a better family and that she found that in the Holloways and that’s cool there’s already seven children including her–that must help her in conversations about family with others she interacts with! It’s great that she has three older siblings who all sound cool, especially Andie and Jamie!
It’s cool that Beatrice is a magical historian seeing as she’s into history. I definitely would like to see more of how she got into it as well and am looking forward to also seeing how she applies her knowledge of being a magical historian and see where it takes her in the story! It’s great to see that a niffler is making its appearance in this story even if it’s just being its usual self and stealing things! Even so, it’s always fun reading about them or seeing them in the Wizarding World. Just curious, though, as it’s not mentioned but what kind of things did the niffler steal? Jewelry? Gold coins? I’m glad that she, however, is able to help the man and catch it as well as return the stolen items back to the owners who were probably very surprised and worried about not seeing it again!
I love how we’re shown Remus Lupin without realizing who he was in the story other than by the description of the man with the brown hair as mentioned earlier! I’m glad that we got introduced to him too as I was somewhat curious about who she was helping when she had caught the niffler. So when he mentions the accent, is he asking her about her British accent, right? Just asking for clarification since I’m wondering if it’s that. It’s also curious and interesting that she has travelled all around the world with her family as well! Wonder what places she’s been to when she did travel with her family and what kind of adventures they went on.
Her working at MACUSA with their History department does answer the question that I had earlier about her and how she’ll apply her skills as a magical historian or at least somewhat give me a sense as to where this will go. It seems that she must be fond of her family members since she’s bragging about her younger sister! It’s nice to see a proud sibling moment too! It’s interesting that even though her interaction with Remus is short, at least she got to meet one of the Marauders, and do hope they do end up crossing paths again at some point in the story.
Ooh yes to going to a Quidditch Match especially if it’s part of the job! It’s great that her boss, Kathleen invited Beatrice to go with her and her family! My curiosity definitely piqued when you mentioned that their tent was next to the Weasleys and that we got to meet each of the family members except for Molly so far. When Ginny asked her if she wanted her brothers as well as Fred and George volunteering Percy definitely gave me a chuckle seeing as they loved to give him grief and loved how you kept that about them here. Poor Bill being disappointed that she’s not his age group but I get the feeling they wouldn’t have worked out anyway. The part where she mentions that her dad studies artifacts and her curiosity about her being a foster child led her to searching answers about her past and also in general to her career as a magical historian definitely makes more sense and is cool. It feels like it all ties together in regards to her and her career. It’s great that she also gets to bond with the younger Weasleys over Quidditch and that she’s also a fan of the Harpies too!
So we get to also meet Lucius Malfoy although I feel that Kathleen loathes him and does not want Beatrice to interact with him because he is bad news which makes sense but do wonder how that conversation would turn out if she was near him. It’s good that Arthur also explains who Lucius is to her so she knows what kind of person he is and understands more about him. The way you ended her with getting an injury by tripping over rock as she’s fighting Death Eaters makes me hope that she’s okay and wonder about what happens afterwards. Am definitely curious about what’s to happen when we see her opening her eyes again as she regains consciousness. Or hopefully she does!
One suggestion I have is that while I do enjoy reading about Beatrice Holloway and her story going forward, it would be nice to see more descriptions on the characters not only their hair colors but also what outfits they wore, the expressions on their faces, their thoughts of what’s happening at the time of the events, and or movements whether they’re conversing with one another or when they’re travelling to another country. I did like that we got to see Percy frowning at the Weasley twins when they offered him as the sibling to be given away. So if you were to have more descriptions in the story here and there then it would definitely make the story not only more vibrant but also the reader can get a sense of what’s going on in the story or can visualise the mood of the story. I hope that made sense.
Otherwise aside from the questions and the suggestion, I did enjoy reading this and am curious about where Beatrice’s job takes her as well as the title itself as I have no idea what it means! My only guess and theory is that Lunar may be related to Remus as we know he’s a werewolf and because of his transformation when there’s a full moon as well as the word closely tied to that. Keep up the good work!
Until then,
Diana/Di
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