Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 04 Apr 2024 05:46 PM · For: stay with me

Hi Jerri,

I thought this was just so powerful, raw and personal. I love the emotive language that you've used throughout this piece. There is just strong imagery which heightened the angst of this piece and how the narrator is struggling with being at hospital, the loss and the love between the siblings is really clear. I thought the last line was such a fantastic raw statement. A stark truth of the piece right there. Thank you so much for sharing with us and I hope it helped you. It was wonderful piece.

Abbi xx

 

Name: Predictable Chaos (Signed) · Date: 09 Mar 2024 01:27 PM · For: stay with me

This is very well done. I don’t know if this is personal experience or not but you definitely make the reader feel as if they were there. You’ve created so many questions, the biggest being. Who has the author already lost? What has happened in their life?

The description here is amazing. How the walls taunt you and grabbing the baby brother’s hand—that really hits the heart; however, I think my favorite description is the “Liquid salt pouring from the eyes.”

Great micro-fiction. I can definitely see why it was nominated for Best Angst. Great job.

Author's Response:

Hi, thank you so much! This was very much personal experience (thankfully all good news now!) and this was written as a way to help me cope with things at the time. Thank you for reading a reviewing, I really appreciate it :) 

Name: WriteYourHeartOut (Signed) · Date: 07 Mar 2024 06:21 PM · For: stay with me

This is beautifully written and so terribly sad. You do an incredible job of creating a history here with a character we don't know, but we still feel the weight of all they've been carrying as something seems to bring them back to the hospital on a regular basis to worry about another loved one. The pain they feel while holding their siblings hand as they lie unmoving in a hospital bed, surrounded by the hospital machine noises and the colors and everything really sets the scene and puts the reader right there with them. I loved these lines in particular: "Like they always knew they'd return. Like every time they leave the timer is reset, counting how long it will be until they're forced to answer the call again. Like it's inevitable." Gorgeous writing, devestating, and beautifully put. It really encompasses that feeling of doom that hangs about your character, knowing every time they leave, they'll surely be back again, and the hospital will greet them almost like an old friend, but in the most tragic way. I hope writing this was truly cathartic for you, as you mention it being a vent fic while going through some things.

Author's Response:

Hi, thank you so much for your lovely words! This was very cathartic for me as it helped me process a few things at the time, and thankfully everything was all fine in the end. I'm quite proud how deep this comes across as I remember when I wrote it, I mostly felt like it was boring and hollow because it's so short. I reread it now and it makes me sob because I can feel the pain and anguish behind it and it's very hard hitting. Thank you so much again! :)

Name: inmyownlittlecorner (Signed) · Date: 09 Feb 2024 12:50 AM · For: stay with me

Hello Hello!

 

This story cuts deep. It’s heartbreaking, but deeper than that. The worst thing is to watch someone we love suffer and fight for their life, and not be able to do anything but wait and watch.

 

You captured that feeling of being in the hospital so well. The chairs that are so uncomfortable, the bright lights, the instinctive fear that makes everything so much worse, because we know that nobody wants to be in the hospital and we only go there when something is really wrong. 

 

The moment that really cut me to the quick was when the narrator grabs their baby brother’s  hand, and you described them as holding on to his hand for dear life. And that really hit me hard because the baby brother is the one who is literally fighting for his life, but the narrator needs to hold onto him because they feel like they are dying too. Because the thought of losing their brother is too much to bear.

 

Liquid salt is a stroke of genius.

 

Really well done on this!

 

Yours,

Noelle

Author's Response:

Noelle! Thank you so much my love! It's been over a year since I wrote this at one of the toughest points of my life, and I wrote it to help me cope with what I thought was going to be the end of the world for me. Thankfully things got better, everything is good now, and I forget most days that I even wrote this. But rereading it, I forgot just how much I poured into it without me even trying, and I'm so glad that comes across and hits how I meant it to because of how I was feeling then. Thank you again :)