FanficTalk Archive
Unleash Your Fandom
kjdsfh;asjdkgfad you're right, they are just too pure together omg. Ted is one of those impossibly good people. Wonderful for Sev, but probably too easy for Sev to fuck up when he gets... the ways he gets. :P I totally see what you mean about his sunshine being different than Miranda's brand, but there seem to be important similarities in the dynamic here as with the Sevranda dynamic. <3
Author's Response:Oh, i'm so glad to hear this!! Thank you! I was trying very hard to show how wonderful this relationship was, but still have it make sense why they don't wind up together forever. I feel like you've nailed it with some of the why. Ted would never bawl Severus out the way Miranda would, so I think that Severus winds up taking more than he gives in this relationship, not because he's a bad guy, but because he's immature, and he just doesn't know how to function in a relationship at this point in his life. It was the right person, but the wrong time, unfortunately.
Do you KNOW how hard it is for me to flash review your writing? Because I want to just talk about all the wonderful things you slip in.
But for now let me just lolol endlessly about coffee "exfoliating his fucking tastebuds" and Ted's "empathy dust" lmao I am dead.
Grumpy/Sunshine indeed! <333
Author's Response:Awww gosh! This means so much to me :')
Ted's empathy dust was my favorite part of this chapter. I'm so glad you liked it <3 <3 <3
Hi! Here for our swap <3
So I know we only get to see Severus through his eyes and his eyes aren't very kind to him but, somehow, I still think he's super hot, and Ted seems to obviousy agree with me.
It's so sad that Severus thinks Ted would leave if he took long enough. Ted so obviously likes Severus and has told him as much but Severus' low self esteem still has him doubting. Although, hopefully,"Ted's dark eyes dragging ober Severus's body from head to foot while a smile that was pure fucking sex played" cures him of that because, by god, that was so sexy and perfect.
I love how Ted is so smooth ("No complaints from me.") and Severus is just stumbling along, unable to make a single rauncy comment lol That's just so them and I love it.
Everything about that ending. EVERYTHING. Was so freaking hot. The hand on the wall. the touching of his nose. The resting forheads. The "May I touch you?"
I'm loving this and them and seriously can't get enough.
Love, Quilly.
Author's Response:I agree with you and Ted--Severus is super hot. I don't know that Severus will ever be able to see it though :/
Severus is so hard on himself, and so anxious, he definitely needs a hug and to relax. Luckily Ted can help with both of those.
Lol, I LOVED writing Severus getting all flustered and clumsy while Ted is just like "yes, I'll take some of that please."
AHHH I'm so glad you liked the ending!! Conscent is sexy :D
Thank you so much for this lovely review!!
Aaaand, part 3 of our swap! <3
Well, that was embarrassing... :/ poor Severus, what an uncomfortable situation... and he and Ted were getting along so well... :( Lily, why did you have to interrupt right then??? And bring Sirius along, too??? :/ (At least, he made it in time to give him his phone number, right? :P)
It was really nice to see Severus and Ted so at ease with each other, anyway, laughing together and teasing each other a little. They have such great chemistry. :)
And then, when Lily arrives... you wrote poor Severus' confusion so well... his brain started imploding from an overload of competing desire a great way to describe it, and yes, understandable, I guess...
I wonder what Ted thought of Severus' police partner... I have a feeling he suspected that she is a bit more than a colleague in Severus' eyes... anyway, it must've been a bit embarrassing for him, too, even if not quite as much as for poor Sev... enough to make him escape as quick as possible with his orchid, though... :/
I love how everyone agreed that Ted is hot, anyway :P I wonder if Lily knows what she has just interrupted... :P
Another great chapter, very entertaining! :P And great, very original use of the prompt, too! :P
Thank you so much for swapping with me! <3
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Lily and Sirius had the worst timing here. At least Ted got Sev's phone number.
I think you're right that Ted is wondering if there's more going on between Lily and Severus than just working together. (Not that there is anything going on--Sev is in love with Lily, but she doesn't know it, and he'd never make a move on her while she's married).
I feel like Ted is responding to the way that Sev closes off, and that prompts his quick exit.
Ted is so hot, ngl.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!!
Back again for part 2 of our swap! :D
Ah, Sev... always so optimistic... :P I wonder if there is a month that's actually nice in his opinion? :P
Of course, I can understand that it is hard to enjoy things for him at the moment, but it's nice that he has at least this plant passion, even if he can't really focus on it right now. And of course he'd run into Ted there! :D I love that Ted can't keep plants alive, but still can't resist buying new ones every spring... he truly is cute! (I feel you, Ted, I'm terrible with plants as well... :P but unlike him I've decided that I don't want to keep any... :P)
"Yeah, well, plants don't talk back." Yes, I suppose this explain Severus' passion... lol! :P
Aww, Ted invited him for lunch and he said yes! And I loved all the stroking and blushing... they really are into each other a lot, aren't they? <3
Really enjoyed this chapter as well, so cute! :D
I'll see you on the next one in a minute! <3
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hmmmm...I feel like Severus would say that October is a pretty nice month.
Hope springs eternal for Ted and his orchids :D
Lmao, can't you just imagine Severus talking to his plants, happy they can't talk back to him?
They are definitely into each other.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Hi, Noelle! Here for part 1 of our swap! <3
Poor Severus... at least his mum is stable now... (sorry, have to say it... as a European, I find so absurd that you have to pay for cancer treatment...) I can't really blame him for spending his time trying to destroy his lungs with smoke... :/
And poor Ted, too... I wonder why he was in such a state, if he was just generally tired or if something specific happened... either way, being a nurse must be a very stressful job, so I can't blame him for snatching a cigarette from Sev either... :/
Wait, what was that? Is Ted jealous? The way he reacted to Severus' mention of his partner (and that he misinterpreted what kind of partner Severus meant :P) really made it sound so... isn't that cute? :P
She's got enough on her plate with her man-child husband as it is Ahahah! Right, Sev! Don't lose any chance to take a dig at James Potter, lol! :P Also, love his subtle way to correct Ted's assumption... :P
Fuck, it should be illegal for Ted to be that cute. Well, yeah, I get the sentiment... <3
I love the closing!!! It's just so perfectly Ted Tonks! Obviously, "it'll get better" is a phrase of circumstance most of the time, but I love how Ted actually believes it, and how it isn't even about the problem getting fixed, just about finding something (or someone) that makes you feel better. And it got better for Ted just sharing this smoke with Severus, and maybe even Severus is feeling a bit better now? I love it! Love the sentiment so much! <3
I'm really enjoying their dynamic so far! Great job on this second chapter, too! <3
Thank you so much for the swap, and I'll be back for the rest of it soon! <3
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:The American health care systme is totally messed up.
I love that you picked up on Ted's jealousy! Yes, he is interested, and he is happy to hear that Severus doesn't have a romantic partner.
Ted is such a ball of sunshine, that you have to believe him when he says things will get better :D
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Looks like my wish came true. Love how you incorporated the fireworks prompt but kept the focus on the issue at hand. I love how Eileen straight up apologizes, and shares her thoughts with him. It's not easy for Sev to have heard those things - first from his dad then from his mom - I totally get that. His resentment and bitterness is more than justified, but I still love Eileen for keeping the communication lines open. Not only did she keep them open but she redeemed herself by asking about Ted and wanting to meet him. So many yays and squishes for this. THIS JOY IS WHAT MY HEART NEEDED TO READ TODAY!
Author's Response:I felt like Eileen apologizing right away and without reservation was very important to their working things otu here. Severus is still hurt, and it'll take time for that to heal, but they're both okay at the end of this scene. I think Eileen pivoting to wanting to meet Ted and be involved was also helpful.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Aww for sleepy kisses. I love the way you have thunder and lightening interspersed into their sex scene - creates a whole imagery that is so apt for the crackling electricity between them.
Omigosh, being caught by his Ma that's so darn embarassing. So many extra points to Ted for being able to stay cool enough. Looks like his politeness charmed Eileen after all.
That scene with Sev and his mom tugged at my heart strings. I can totally see how Eileen would struggle with the sudden revelation, especially since she was so darn unprepared for it. And Sev's gut reaction mentioning his mom's death was so.... Severus! It was so painful to see that happen, although I hope Eileen comes around soonish. Sev has had enough hate in his life :(
Author's Response:I'm so glad you liked the thunder and lightening! I was hoping it would add to the moment :D
This moment was so embarassing, and I was embarassed for everyone.
I haven't made it clear yet, but Ted is a few years older than Severus, so he's a little more mature and sure of himself. He's also had a better upbringing (meaning he didn't hae an abusive parent). So he can stay cool in this moment and kinda calm everyone down.
I'm really glad that you could see why both Severus and Eileen were reacting the way that they were here. Severus was absolutely justified in feeling angry and betrayed when Eileen says what she says. But Eileen isn't really thinking clearly right now either, because it's all come as such a shock to her, since she didn't even know he was bi. I feel like Eileen would have reacted in a similar fashion if she'd caught him in bed with a woman, except she'd also have been asking if he was being careful not to get this hypothetical woman pregnant.
Sev is definitely not happy now. I promise I will try to fix things (at least somewhat) in the next chapter.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
The opening line GOD ::rofl:: Again, love the occassional call outs to the audiencce "Hey??“go fuck yourself. Like you’ve gotten laid in the last century" - LOL. It is perfectly reasonable to NOT have condoms at home all the time, especially when you don't expect to need them! You're fine, Sev :D
Love love reading them hot and heavy for each other. Also Ted's confession ackhasiuwo squeeeeeeeeeee - Boy did they 'improvise" and they certainly deserved it after all the slow burn over a dozen chapters!
Author's Response:AHHH Thank you so much!!!! I had been wanting to work it in to have Ted admit that he purposely ruined his orchid so he'd have an excuse to call Severus, and it seemed to fit here.
They definitely improvised well.
I had meant for this to be more of a slow burn, but they were like nah, we're gonna get it here.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Omigosh Sev is so cynical - he's really got such a low opinion of himself :( His dad sure did a number on him. Ugh some people just shouldn't be parents.
Of course Ted was still in his house. And Damn the way you describe Ted through Sev's eyes is so HOT. This is just really really HAWT and fluffy and I loved how you are adding more and more layers to their relationship.
Sev's internal monologue is so amazing in this chapter because it seems to effortlessly take us through his insecurities, his childhood resentment, his unashamed attraction towards Ted, and finally giving in to his feelings. I sweat, the contrast between Sev and Ted comes out so well even if we're only reading the whole story through Sev's voice. Love love this writing style.
I'm so excited for the next chapters. I'm curious to see more of Lily and how that dynamics unfold. Will we be seeing James soon? Or get some hint to whether Lily is clued in to Sev's feelings?
As you can see, I'm so fully invested!
XOXO
Ysh
Author's Response:Yes--whenever Severus is being mean to himself, it's because Tobias instilled this awful critic inside Severus's head. Tobias is just the absolute worst.
Ted is pretty darn hot, ngl.
I'm so delighted you liked that whole journey Severus went on!!
We will see James eventually, though probably not in a big role. And we will get some more Lily as well.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!!
So I did promise a 2-for-1 in the review exchange and you were kind enough to leave me reviews on both chapters so I figured I'd come in and check out the next two chapters of this awesome story :D
Yayy we see Ted here! Ooh why had he not seen Ted sice that dinner?? I totally understand how Sev would feel being caught by Ted half covered in mud. Boy if I had a penny for every time a crush caught me at the most inopportune moments.....
Ted sees right through Sev, uickly calls him at his inability to take a complement. Can I tell you how much I'm gushing over Ted/Sev in this story?? Love that he refers to Sev as "strong, stoic, cynical-but-secretly-sensitive plant whisperer" - he's summed him up perfectly.
Ack that kiss was HAWTTT. YAY for Sev's inhibitions slowly melting away. He deserves to be happy and bi and not care about people. Yes it's easier said than done, I recognize that, but I just want it so badly for Sev :(
Author's Response:Thank you, you're so sweet!
I think at this point Severus thinks Ted is too good to be true. So he's not making an effort to see Ted, because he doesn't want to get his hopes up, because he assumes Ted doesn't really want to see where things might go with them. And Sev is so hard on himself, that of course he has to beat himself up when Ted surprises him and Severus isn't looking his best.
AHHH I'm so excited that you're likeing Sev/Ted!! I love them too :D
And thank you--I was pretty proud of that kiss.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!!
The description of the empty lot is spot on. I could so very clearly see the fast-food wrappers, broken furniter, and used condoms. I feel like every big city has an area like this (actually, let's face, most big cities are FILLED with areas like this) and it's so in-character that Severus would come here and try to change what most other people have probably already accepted.
I love how you seem to have grown so comfortable with Severus' inner voice. It doesn't ever falter throught out the story. Even when it rains, it's not just "rain" but "clouds... takin' a piss" and a thud isn't just a thud on the ground but a "fuck-you of a thud" It's truly wonderful.
"Are you one of those people who can't take a compliment?" Yes. Yes, he is, Ted. Please change that for us will you? ::heart eyes::
Ted admitting he was working up the nerve to call him was EVERYTHING. I love how much Ted contrats Severus. They really balance each other out nicely. I feel like Severus needs someone like him in his life, caring and kind but also straightforward. Also - he deserves those washboard abs ;p
OMGGGG That ending!
I have alllllll the feels after this chapter and I'm so excited that there's still a couple lined up for me to read after this one!
Love, Quilly.
Author's Response:I totally agree--most big citys have quite a few places like this vacant lot. I'm excited that Severus's stubborn nature works in this context, where he's trying to make something beautiful where not many other people would.
This narrative voice is so so fun to write :D
It's so true that Severus can't take a compliment. I hope Ted can help him too.
AHHH I'm so glad you liked that part about Ted having to work up the nerve!!
Thank you so much for this lovely review :D
Back again for this one!
Ah damn, Sev's childhood must have been so bleak poor kid :( Given that it's totally possible to be in love with multiple people at the same time, it's clear Sev is nowhere close to getting over Lily but Ted does seem to be sharing some of the thoughts in his head.
I totally see the whole grumpy/sunshine trope you've got going on here. Both with Sev/Lily and Sev/Ted. LOL TRUST Lily to drag sev through a graveyard, and Sev is totally hilarious when he's secretly creeped out about it.
Look at Sev totally flirting with his married-best friend. I've remained true to my JiLy roots for nearly 1.5 decades now, but your story is making me root for Lily/Sev!!! I absolutely loved this little call out to the readers "Fuck off. Like you’re any better. You ain’t fooling nobody with that pure-as-the-driven-snow bullshit act."
Actually, that reminds me to mention what I love about this writing style. You have this 3rd person PoV but written in a way that draws the audience into Sev's head almost as if Sev is actually narrating the whole thing to the readers. It's really brilliant!!
Also, super excited that you've got two more chapters up that I haven't read. I might just head over and swallow them up whole :D
XOXO
Ysh
Author's Response:Sev's childhood was pretty bleak. And he is nowhere near being over Lily. I don't know that he'll ever be over her.
I live for the sunshine/grump trope! I'm so glad you're enjoying it.
AHHH this is the best compliment: to have a Jily shipper root for Snily, even if only for a moment.
I realized it was unclear, but in this AU, Severus and Lily meet as adults in the Police Academy. Lily is already married at that point, so while they do become fast friends, and Severus does fall in love with her, there's no extra bitterness like there is in canon, because Severus never had a chance with her romantically. I went back and edited an earlier chapter in this story to make it clear that Severus and Lily have only known each other for a little over a year at this point.
Thank you so much!!! I'm super thrilled that you are enjoying the narration. It's very fun to write :D
Thanks so much for this lovely review!
Hii,
I'm here for our review swap, and I frankly cant get enough of Sev/Ted. The whole rant about Sev reluctantly reading comic books because Ted is so passionate about it is so darn funny! I love that he didn't do that for Lily, but did that for Ted. (Also, backpacks are more practical than any other shit I've ever tried and I totally endorse Sev's choice)
Wait, does Lily know Sev is bisexual? I forget if she knew or not. But she might have picked up on it over the years and might just be waiting for him to share when he is ready to share. It's funny how from Sev's perspective Lily might seem super dense, but perhaps she knows him better than he thinks she does? Or perhaps she's just dense LOL and I'm reading too much into her. PS Lily in a bomber jacket and perky ponytail is just soo darn cute!
Sev's approach to his own life is so no-nonsense, I enjoy reading the narrative. He's definitely hyper-self-aware. He knows what he feels for Ted, what he feels for Lily, he even knows he's confused, and knows when he could potentially screw something up. He knows all of it, and yet he's got his own shit to deal with. I simply love that about him!
On to the next chapter!
XOXO
Ysh
Author's Response:Omg thank you! I do think it's telling that Severus read the comics for Ted where he didn't for Lily. I think some of that is because Severus knows in his heart that he doesn't have a chance with Lily (because she's married) while he probably does have a chance with Ted. So it's worth the effort there.
At this point, Lily does not know Severus is bisexual. I don't know that Lily is dense, exactly, but Severus is very good at hiding his feelings.
I'm so glad you thought she was cute!! I loved that image of her :D
Severus is so self-aware. Unfortunatley, he thinks so poorly of himself, and he's so cynical, that he doesn't do much with that knowledge except flog himself with it :/
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Hi, Noelle!
Here's another review in my desperate effort to keep up with your writing-and-posting schedule for this excellent story.
So Ted is an enthusiast about the form of literature called the graphic novel. Times have changed, for sure. When I was a kid, we had comic books about cartoon characters, and Archie & Veronica & their gang, and "graphic novels" (though we didn't call them that) in the "Classics Illustrated" series that retold the great works of fiction. Those were my favorites. I don't have an idea yet about whether Severus is enjoying the Sandman graphic novel, except for your notation that he found the pictures luridly grotesque.
I wonder what he thought about Good Omens. I haven't read it, but I've read about it, and it sounds pretty wild!
I don't yet have a good image of what Lily is like as a person. Obviously not the same as the person of that name in the 7 books. She is energetic, outgoing, a friend of Severus and also of Sirius. She wears ripped jeans and a bomber jacket. I'm not sure if she has a job. But she has persuaded Severus to go with her to a graveyard to check out the tombstones. Not a clue as to what the two of them will be looking for.
And her relationshiip with Severus is still ambiguous in my mind. She gives him casual kisses on the cheek when they meet, but she doesn't seem to consider herself anything like a girlfriend. When she says, "Come on, who is she, who are you trying to impress?" she obviously isn't bothered by the possibility that Severus is interested in some other girl. But is she aware of his bisexual orientation? Perhaps not. If Severus is attracted to Lily and also attracted to Ted, and never the twain shall meet in any meaningful way, I can see nothing but trouble ahead for our poor protagonist. Maybe having a date with graves is a good idea after all. :)
Can't wait to find out what they are looking for in the graveyard. (At least it's not Hallowe'en.)
Thank you for writing this fun story!
Vicki
Author's Response:Good Omens is a really funny book! If you decide to read it, be sure to read the footnotes: there are lots of jokes there.
Hmmm, that's interesting what you are saying about Lily. In canon, Professor Slughorn, Remus, and Sirius all comment on how popular, clever, and funny Lily is. Isn't that the same/similar to being "energetic" and "outgoing"? Also in canon we know she is friends with Severus up until 5th year, and we can assume she became friends (or at least tolerated) Sirius later when she got together with James.
I'm glad you noticed Lily's clothing. I am working here with the information from canon that tells us that Lily is from Cokeworth like Severus. That would imply Lily is from a working class background as well. Though, in this story, she is obviously an American as well as Severus. In fact, everyone in this story is American except for James Potter, who I kept British.
I've mentioned in earlier chapters a few times that Lily is a cop and is Severus's patrol partner.
Lily is married to James in this story (she is already married to James when she meets Severus in the Police Academy). She and Severus are patrol partners and best friends (the patrol partner realtionship can become very close and intense). Severus has not told her he is bisexual, or that he is starting to date Ted at this point. He is also in love with Lily, but she doesn't know, and he doesn't intend to ever tell her, as he wouldn't try to break up her marriage like that. Lily is affectionate and so a kiss on the cheek between friends is normal for her.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
Yours,
Noelle
Hi, Noelle!
I love how you can make a story out of simply Severus leaving Ted's place to go see his mother. Of course that's because you're in Severus's head all the time, and his thoughts are getting more and more complex.
In the beginning Severus has only negative thoughts about himself. "Ted did not need to deal with none of Severus's bullshit." "...Severus knew what a selfish fucking asshole he was." Ted, on the other hand, was in Severus's opinion a nice guy who picks up strays and loves them until they love themselves, a guy who says he wouldn't mind standing the uncertainty of caring about Severus's mother's health, a nice guy who doesn't consider Severus's obligations to be a burden.
I see the seeds of a change in Severus's conviction that he himself is fucking selfish asshole. How else to explain Ted's continuous caring? Or maybe Severus is seeing that he himself has more value than he has heretofore given himself credit for.
I get the impression that Severus knows people as acquaintances, perhpas one-night stands without any real connection, but for him this relationship is different. It is someone who promises to be there for him when he needs it. Other than his mother, has Severus ever had someone who fits that description?
These two men seem superficially so different; they seem to have little in common--growing orchids, being gay, that seems to be about everything on the list, yet Ted was the one who approached Severus in the beginning. Maybe Severus is right, that Ted picks up strays and heals them, but he has an interesting treatment protocol.
This is one of those stories where the charaacters just put one foot in front of the other because they cannot guess from one day to the next what is going to happen or what they will be called upon to do. That in itself produces the tension that keeps the story going.
I do hope Severus's mother gets better. :)
I'm realy enjoying your chapters On to the next one.
Vicki
Author's Response:I don't know that Severus is starting to see himself any differently in this chapter. I feel like he gives into Ted, because that's what he really wants to do. He doesn't have the resolve to keep resisting when Ted is so clearly interested in seeing where this thing with them goes. However, I don't think that Severus is simply "a selfish asshole" either. A selfish asshole wouldn't be leaving a promising date to go sit in the hospital with his sick mother.
I agree that Severus doesn't have many people who are close to him--because that would require being vulnerable, and he hasn't really had the luxury of being vulnerable with many people in the past. This is one of those results of childhood trauma: you learn that people can't be trusted, and so you don't trust anyone. I don't know that even Severus's mother has done as much showing up for Severus as she should have. Things would have been quite different for both of them if she'd managed to leave Tobias when Severus was a child.
That is interesting that you're not seeing the things that Ted and Severus have in common. They both have working class, shift work, institutional jobs that would share similar kinds of stress and bureaucratic nonsense. They're both intelligent and sensitive. They're both Midwesterners and Chicagoans.
I wouldn't assume that Ted takes every "stray" home and tries to be romantic/sexual with them.
I will relieve your concern about Eileen: she is still alive and kicking in Breathing Underwater, which is chronologically the second story in this series.
Thank you for taking the time to read and review :D
Yours,
Noelle
Hiii here for our swap <3
Lily and Severus' friendship is wonderful and wholesome but also a bit sad because it's such an impossible love.
I feel like Lily brings out another side of him. Even though he's giving her grief about going to graveyard (and honestly, who can blame him? I'd be creeped out too!), he indulges her and follows her along. Also the bit where he picks her and she starts tickling him - that felt like such a carefree moment for Severus, a brief moment where he wasn't overthinking things but rather letting go and actually having fun.
I love how Lily's such a Gryffindor even here, by the way. She's so brave and fiesty and just very in character with what I imagined the canon Lily Evans to be, even though this an AU.
I really wonder how Lily feels about Severus. I know she's married and (probably) deeply in love with James but I wonder if she has an idea about Severus' feelings for her. I'm guessing no because he's pretty good at hiding his feelings.
The unrequited love vibes left me feeling emotional for Severus but I'm going to go ahead and vote in favor of that getting laid idea - Ted is just what he needs to get his spirits back in the right place.
Love, Quilly.
Author's Response:Hi Quilly!
I totally agree about Lily and Severus's friendship. It's a lovely thing, but it sort of hurts too, because he wants more than he can ever have with her.
Oh I LOVE how you've pointed out that Lily brings out this playful and more carefree side of Severus. You're so right: that moment in the graveyard is one of the few times we see him not overthink something and just act.
AHHH I love that you're picking up on Lily's Gryffindor-ness! I haven't written Lily very much before, and I'm thrilled to know that she's likeable and recognizable here.
I think that Lily loves Severus as a friend, but not romantically. I also don't think she's aware that he loves her romantically (or, if she has any suspicions, she's ignoring them on purpose). I do think that Severus is very good at hiding his feelings.
I also vote for Severus following up on that impulse to get laid and giving Ted a chance :D
Thank you so much for this lovely review!!
Yours,
Noelle
Oh my god, I LOVED those three paragraphs at the beginning. Severus' inner monologue is always so wittty but this one in particulary had me literally laughing out loud all throughout.
"...laid on that many comic bo-graphic novels in his life" The way he corrects his own thoughts is just so Severus and hilarious. I can imagine him rolling his eyes as he goes from one term to the next.
"Severus' had enough targes on his back growing up ("girly" middle name, skinny-as-fuck, beak for a nose, drunk for a father, secretly fantasizing about dudes AND chicks)" Yeah, I can totally see how Severus has opted to by as unnoticed as possible in life. Ted is right. Severus did miss out on a lot of things many people take from granted, ice cream at the parks and protective fathers included.
As much as I'm enjoying Ted/Severus (and rooting for them), I also enjoy the snippets we get of Severus and Lily. He seems to genuinely really care about her (and I think she cares about him too, just not the way he would like).
I can't wait for more updates <3 Thank you so much for swapping with me.
Love, Quilly.
Author's Response:AHHH thank you! It's so fun writing Severus's narration. I'm really glad to know it's fun to read too.
Severus missed out on a lot. I hope that one day he can make up for some of that lost time.
It's been really fun to take some time to explore Severus and Lily's friendship in this story. In Breathing Underwater, Lily has already passed away, so I couldn't write about it there. I've been glad to get to explore them together here.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Hi Noelle! I'm here for the first part of our swap.
"Except Severus knew what a fucking selfish asshole he was" This broke my heart because he's obviously not that at all. I think there must be some deep past traumas that make him feel like he's unworthy of love and that's just so sad.
"No. But I like hearing it anyway." Haha awe Ted! <3
"That's very selfless of you." Yes! Exactly! I'm so glad Ted told him this just minutes after Severus was brooding over what "selfish asshole he was" because everything Severus does/says is the compelte opposite of that. He cares so much about his mother, about Lily, even about plants! There's such a tender heart in there. He just doesn't see it/ doesn't want to see it.
The care package ::cries:: I know we've talked about this before, in other reviews, but it's so clear that Ted wants Severus to be taken care of and we see him stepping in and doing just that here so I just love how you brought that idea full circle here.
Another great chapter!
Love, Quilly.
Author's Response:It is so sad! He's so devoted to Eileen and taking such good care of her. And even his impulse to protect Ted from the difficulties of being involved with someone who is caring for a sick relative is coming from an unselfish place. But it's also coming from a scared place. Thanks to Severus's abusive father (which I've referenced obliquely) Severus has learned that it's dangerous to count on anyone besides himself. And so I feel like he'd have the urge to push Ted away even without all the complications from Eileen's sickness. It's scary to be seen, known, cared about.
This is also what is feeding his negative opinions about himself. He is sensitive and caring, but he's had to bury that to survive. And it's a sort of twisted survival instinct for him to think negatively about himself, because if he hates himself, it hurts less when other people (like his father0 do.
AHHH I'm so glad you liked the care package and how Ted is trying to take care of Severus!
Thank you so much for this lovely review :D
Sev’s just being hard on himself - but given everything he’s been through - abusive childhood, mom fighting cancer, love of his life marrying someone else - I can totally understand his bleak outlook on life. Ted’s the sunshine to his grumpy though! Why is Sev trying to break up with Ted :( :( yes Sev, let Ted decide for himself! Okay, what is that super caring thing Ted does packing an overnight bag? I’m so so happy Sev is finally letting Ted care for him. And Ted, good gorgeous hufflepuffy Ted *heart eyes*
Author's Response:It's so hard to let someone take care of you sometimes. I was glad that Ted was persistent and that Severus was able to be a tiny bit vulnerable at the end there.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Okay wait - Remus/Severus? Omigosh I really really need to read that one if you ever feel like writing it!! Love the imagery of the orchid being all embarrassed by them. If it feels right and they’re both into it Sev shouldn’t be thinking so much!!
Arghhhhh a phone call at the one time you don’t want one. Oh no, his mom. Damn Ted knows how to be there for him - that was just sooo sweet. And Ted’s right Sev, you got nothing to apologize for. Come on Sev, this one’s a keeper!
Author's Response:Hmmm....I may have to give that a try...I do have plans to write a 5+1 series about Sev's failed romances in the Breathing Underwater-verse...
Sev needs to stop with the thinking already. Hopefully Ted can help with that.
Ted is just the best. I love him.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Omigosh Ted Tonks sure knows how to make a spread for a dinner date! Still loving The sardonic, wry narrative style - so fitting for Sev. I also love the way you balance the descriptions of the surroundings, the mood, and Sev’s mind-voice all so very well. And Ted sings while cooking, gosh he seems the perfect yin to Sev’s yang. Yayyyyyy they finallyyyy kissssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response:I had a lot of fun researching Korean home cooking to create Ted's dinner menu :D Sev was definitely impressed.
I love the moment when Ted is singing at the grill and just being happy.
I had thought this would be a slower burn...but Ted was like nope I'm gonna kiss Sev right now so there.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Oooo love how you set us up for this prompt from two chapters ago!! Sev being a stickler for times, haha - nice allusion to Professor Snape there! (Forearms ARE hot, he’s got the right idea). Also insecurity about his nose - awwwww haha. Ted in a tight black turtleneck HOTT *fans self* Ted is DEFINITELY flirting with you Sev, no doubt! Love the slow burn of their romance, Ted is just what Sev needs to stop pining after his married best friend!
Author's Response:AHHH I'm glad you're enjoying Sev overthinking like EVERYTHING. Yes Ted is absolutely flirting with him, but he's so busy overthinking he can't believe it.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
I liked that back and forth between Sev and Lily throughout, you can tell they’re really comfortable with each other. Sevs sense of wry humor is so well written. And love how you brought in Sev’s unrequited feelings for her. Of course her husband is trust fund baby in the real world, I love that! (Love the Lake Michigan imagery!)
Damn, you snuck in that reference to childhood abuse that tugs at my heart and makes me want to hug him.
Sevs conflict between the woman at his side and the man over the phone is awesomely written!
~XOXO Ysh
Author's Response:Thank you so much!! I'm loving getting to slip in some descriptions of Chicago. It's also been really fun to write some of Sev and Lily being friends and dorks together. He still has his unrequited feelings for her, but they are genuinely friends, and without all of the baggage that they had in canon.
I'm really glad you're enjoying the push and pull between Sev-Ted-Lily.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Hi, Noelle.
A well-balanced chapter. Thirteen lines of sensuality, seventeen lines of emergency (I'm just counting the lines on the screen, not the sentences), and two lines of wrap-up. "Everything's great" to "everything's not." And throughout this story, Severeus has been obviously so devoted to his mother, the one person with whom he has a complete connection, that it makes me wonder about the details of their life together during Severus's childhood, and what his family of origin was like. He speaks of running away from his father as a boy, but, at least in the chapters of this little story, we don't know anything else.
So his life is pulled back and forth unpredictably as his mother first gets better and then gets worse again. This uncertainty would make it difficult for him to have close relationships with other people, as we see in this present moment. Nothing is easy for Severus, not in his childhood and not now with the things that happen to him and buffet him about, things over which he has no control.
I will be interested to see how this story proceeds.
Vicki
Author's Response:So, while I do think that Severus's relationship with Ma has enough positive aspects that it's worth maintaining, it has some very negative aspects as well. The biggest of these is that Severus is a parentified child. Since his teenage years, he has felt responsible for Ma's safety--first in protecting her from Tobias, and now as an adult in wanting to deal with her cancer without any outside help. I think even having Hope Lupin involved grates on him. Obviously, it wasn't his job as a kid to protect his mother. She should have protected him. And it's not his job now to shoulder the burden of her care on his own. But those childhood patterns are very hard to break, especially when you aren't aware of them, as I doubt Severus is aware of them at this point in his life. I haven't laid all this out explicity in either this story or Breathing Underwater, but it definitely informs his actions and the way he thinks about himself and his mother.
It's true, nothing is ever easy for Severus.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Any access or use of the FanficTalk Archive is conditioned upon compliance with our Site Guidelines and Terms of Service and the Copyright Policy and Privacy Policy contained therein. Should you have any questions about them, you are very welcome to contact any of our archive validators. For advanced searching, please click here.
Any characters, source code, text, or titles contained herein which are recognizable as copyrighted material are the sole property of their owners.