Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 16 Feb 2023 09:04 AM · For: Sean and Kit's Ice Cream Date - Goody Two Shoes Original Draft

Here for the mountain murder mystery event!

 

“My parents didn’t like having a mutant in the family. Said it was because I didn’t go to church enough.”

 

Omg. This just makes me so sad. :(

 

This is a sweet scene highlighting the definite differences in their backgrounds. Sean from a large family that feels like it has very traditional family vibes, and Catherine from this small family where she and Hank really just grow up too fast because they're so advanced and in some ways skipped over the whole 'being kids' thing. She and Sean are both 'weirdos' or outcasts bc of being mutants, but Catherine kind of has a whole other level of otherness as well, as a kid who graduated at age 11 and is attending college as a teen.

 

'get you a tractor but with a shorter seat' is adorable. XD

 

<3

Author's Response:

Thanks for stopping by!

 

I really, really wish this could fit into Goody Two-Shoes. Unfortunately, with Sean and Kit knowing each other before the Institute, it's really unnecessary. I still really love it because it's just such a good snippet of their friendship. It's canon in my heart. Also, fun fact: there was another late-night ice-cream scene in this draft that ended with them having to run off to do something and Kit hearing over her telepathy that Charles is eating their abandoned sundaes in a little bit of a gag.

 

Sean, in this universe, comes from a very large Boston Irish-Catholic family. We'll see at least one of his siblings later, which, if you're familiar with the comics, should be pretty obvious. His sister Mary-Catherine is the only one in the family who didn't cut Sean off when he manifested his ability, and I don't know if she'll show up or not. She's very sweet, but she's a bit smothery of Sean. His parents are definitely not great in this, but I don't think we ever see them. Also, if the number of Sean's siblings change, my b. I don't know how old most of them are nor their names. I actually don't remember where in the birth order Sean is, but I think he's the youngest. I might have put that in this chapter. I know it's somewhere. But, um, Sean is actually very sad and salty about his parents, but he's hiding it because ~coping with humor~.

 

You really got what their backgrounds are like. Sean is the kid who's never really been alone, and Catherine is the kid who's always been alone. Well, except for Hank, but he went off to Harvard when she was nine, so it was just her and their parents for a couple years. Well, her and their mother for one of those years. That's another difference with these two, as Catherine was very close to her parents before they died, though Catherine and Hank's parents had their problems as well.

 

Perhaps surprisingly, Sean and Catherine become friends very quickly despite being polar opposites. They're also the two youngest of the first class, though Sean is ten months older than her, a fact he absolutely rubs in. Catherine, alas, has always been the baby.

 

It's a very teasing friendship on both sides, and they both sort of see each other as a sibling. Sean definitely tries to get Catherine (and to some extent, Hank) to be a kid. There was a drabble I wrote to practice the characters' speaking styles that was the first class and Charles and Erik going ice-skating, and I'm hoping to include something like that in Goody Two-Shoes. It's definitely going to be a long fic, especially with the... well, not filler chapters, but some chapters that are definitely more slice-of-life and focus on characterization and life at the Institute. Sean usually shows up in those because he's the only member of the First Class (including Darwin and Angel) who had a fairly social childhood. He's a lot more responsible than he looks.

 

Sorry for the rambling. I just really like this friendship. They both act like they're the older sibling, but they both (one more than the other) occasionally like being the youngest of the bunch. I'm really glad you enjoyed this, and I'm hoping to include something like this (though not exactly) in Goody Two-Shoes because I just really like the vibe of these two sitting in the Institute's kitchen, not even turning on the lights, making sundaes and just existing near each other.

 

Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you have a lovely day!

 

-A

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 22 Oct 2022 03:04 AM · For: Looking into a Warped Mirror - Iris pallida Chapter 1/2

Hi, Lost Robin,

 

Here's a flash review for the last of your little early imaginings of how your stories were going to proceed.  These six flash reviews have been for the Monster Speed Dating review event on the Forums, and flash reviews are so suited to these moment-in-time stories. 

 

What I liked in this very tiny slice of life was Iris's first impression of Narcissa Malfoy upon seeing her and almost recognizing her as someone she had seen before somewhere, and also the casual, good-natured conversation between Iris and Bedivere.  It seemed very easy and natural.

 

And of course the little point about Bedivere's having grown so much over the summer that Iris could scarcely reconize him.  I remember when my son's friends grew tall suddenly, and it was a challenge for me to identify them when they came to visit my son.

 

Thanks for posting all these little scraps.  They were fun to read.

 

Vicki

Author's Response:

Hi, Vicki!

 

I'm going to respond to your other lovely reviews on this collection of ramblings later, but I have to review what I wrote for those first. I have thoughts about them, but I'm not quite sure how to phrase them right now.

 

This was originally going to be a much longer chapter with a whole trip to Diagon Alley, but it felt like the beginning of Iris pallida was dragging on a bit. It's still dragging on at the moment, and I'm not sure if that's because GOF is my second-least favorite book in the series (my least is DH) or if I hit some kind of block because of how the story should be progressing. I like to come back to stuff I've written before when I'm stuck, though I'm pretty sure it's not the best course of action at the moment.

 

I wish I had been able to keep the part with Narcissa and Iris meeting. It's not necessarily important right now, but it would be later. While Iris knows that she's related to Narcissa, Narcissa, obviously, doesn't. Which I find hilarious because they are pretty close to identical, a fact both of them discover in this.

 

I love Bedivere so much. This actually got me to write him a bit more into some of the later ones. He's kind of chill about everything but Quidditch, and unlike Yukata or Astoria, for example, he doesn't really put a lot of pressure on himself. He also doesn't really needle people about things, like both Yukata and Astoria occasionally do. He just kind of goes with the flow, almost like a Ravenclaw Dean Thomas. His height change is due to one of my friends growing what felt like half a foot over a summer. I know it probably wasn't that much, but it felt like that to me, especially since I didn't really hit my growth spurt until about a year later, and even then, I still only reached his shoulder. I probably still only reach his shoulder.

 

Hopefully, there will be more scraps posted once I get more of Iris pallida written. While I save pretty much everything I've written (other than bits that were rewritten and deleted because they were superfluous), it's nice to see them in a more... permanent place. They feel a little different outside of a Word document.

 

Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you have a lovely day!

 

-A

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 22 Oct 2022 02:50 AM · For: A Visitor - Iris albicans Chapter... IDK

Hi, Lost Robin.

 

Thank you for sharing this rather longer snippet from the archives of Iris Albicans.  Even if it doesn't fit into the story as you eventually wrote it, it does make a nice little story all by itself, and it has a lot of backstory packed into it, as well as Iris's reaction when she finds out that Sirius Black did not betray her aunt and uncle, as she had believed, and that Sirius is her father.

 

The three characters in this scene -- Remus, Iris, and Sirius -- are all well characterized.  Remus and Sirius speak and act as I would expect them to, and I love the child-like emotions of Iris as she storms up the stairs to the attic and won't come out, until she comes out later acting as if nothing had happened, and even asks Sirius to use his wand to light the burner for her to make tea.  A perfect insight.

 

Nice little story  :)

 

Vicki

 

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 22 Oct 2022 12:39 AM · For: An Interlude - Sirius Trouble Chapter 1.5

Hi, Lost Robin.  Here with another flash review for your scraps from the cutting room floor.

 

I don't really think that you need to be concerned that this is too much telling and not enough showing, because that's the very nature of letters.  It's not as if you're developing the main points of the plot or describing major action scenes in letters.  They are mostly about James's minor illness, and plans for summer visits.  

 

The information that Anne gives to Remus about what happened to Sirius is already known news at this point (because I read it in the previous chapter), so you're not really telling us something we didn't already know.  

 

I think of letters as a nice variation in the narrative style and pace.  They can put us into the heads of people who are not necessarily our POV character, and they provide us a good excuse to do that.

 

Nice little set of letters  :)

 

Vicki

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 22 Oct 2022 12:23 AM · For: A New Brother - Sirius Trouble Chapter 2

Hi, Lost Robin.

 

Here to leave another flash review one of your back-into-the-vault vignettes about Sirius Black.  It's an effective glimpse into this period of Sirius's life.  

 

I like the way you have a slow build-up at first, with Sirius arriving at the house, and going into the dining room, and hoping that he could get through lunch without hexing anybody, and then gather up his belongings and leave.  

 

You allot a lot of words to this part of the story, building up the suspense -- can he hold it all together for just one hour? --  and then the denouement is all over in just a few words:  "So Sirius said as much.  And his mother lost her temper and Sirius was thrown out in the rain, with nothing but his wand to his name.'  Only 27 words, and everything is set topsy-turvy.

 

Then you finish up with the gentle scene at Potter Manor, and the pace is slowed again and Sirius is crying because his life, at least with his family, is so shitty, and everyone wishes that their parents would love them, and it sucks when that doesn't happen.

 

I liked this little vignette very much.

 

Vicki

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 22 Oct 2022 12:00 AM · For: A Break - Original Ending to Sirius Trouble Chapter 1

Hi, Lost Robin.

 

Stopping by here to leave a flash review for your little vignettes of writing that are not currently used but are too good to languish unseen. :)

 

You may call your piece under-descriptioned (a fine word, means exactly what it says), but there were some images that caught my eye: "albino peacocks roaming the grounds" ostentatiously at Malfor Manor, "I'm sure ypu can borrow James's dressing robe if need be."  That latter one brought a smile to my face.

 

Suddenly the final two paragraphs are so sad.  His mother is going to burn him off the family tapestry and cast him out (no 'maybe' about it), and he will return home just long enough to gather his belongings and his cash money.  How can he act so jolly when all this is coming down?

 

Well written!

 

Vicki

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 19 Oct 2022 03:53 AM · For: In Sickness and in Health - Sirius Trouble Chapter 5

Hi, Lost_Robin!  i'm here to leave a flash review in order to woo the Grim Reaper for the Monster Speed Dating.

 

I like this tiny vignette of Anne and Sirius.  You have characterized him like so many men -- won't take care of themselves when they're getting sick, and then when they are sick, they either won't follow their doctor's orders, or they act like they're dying, or both.  I think you nailed it with Sirius.

 

I like the idea of students being nursing assistants in the hospital wing.  Madam Pomfrey can't really do it all by herself, and it's good training for the students.

 

What a nice idea, the large, heavy, warm black dog lying on Anne's abdomen, keeping it warm and providing pressure.  Plus love and companionship.  Was she just delusional?  We don't think so!

 

A sweet little story.  Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki

Author's Response:

Hi, Vicki!

 

Sirius is so dramatic. James likes to joke that it's the Black family's main trait. He has a little cold, and he's whining. Anne is just so done with him, especially early in the morning.

 

Anne is planning on being a pediatric Healer (which is her actual job once she leaves Hogwarts), so she was really excited to be able to be a nursing student. I agree that it's great training, especially since there are no healing classes at Hogwarts that we've heard about.

 

The bit with Snuffles was actually the first bit of this chapter that I wrote, and I really wish that I had been able to include it in Sirius Trouble. I thought it was a good way to contrast the two, but since I'm only planning for thirteen chapters, I had to cut it. Sirius can be very caring when he feels like it. He's a character with a lot of contradictions, which I think that this chapter showed really nicely.

 

Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you have a lovely day!

 

-A