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You even pulled David’s into the picture—a very different David, but interesting to add.
She’s got to have some sort of clue at this point. I mean how can she not? Pettigrew is always lurking around, Fenwick’s yelling out and now the coffeeshop. I was super surprised that she kissed him on the cheek. Not because it’s in Tommy’s joint. (I mean, maybe she really is that clueless) but rather if the police department found out they were involved. I assume there is some type of regulations about dating your partner.
And then they go to the opera. Perhaps Miranda really is that clueless if she’s chatting up Hela Greyback in the washroom.
Honestly, breaking up with her was the smartest move for Severus. I know she doesn’t get it (although I suspect you’ll connect the dots soon) but he’s only trying to keep her safe.
I’m interested to see how you wrap this story up at the end, if the couple will survive, both with their lives and their relationship and if so, how you’ll pull it off?
I love the first scene with Father Columba and Severus. The Father is so eerily calm and then when he said, “Christ is the only Beloved who can actually take it. Be careful, Severus. If you offer, He will take it.” Chills went down my spine before I even realized that the same thing happened to Severus. I’m betting that Padre knows he’s on the take and is hoping that Severus will use God’s guidance in dealing with Tommy.
Great scene with Oliver and Snape. Severus really does have a good heart which he shows off occasionally.
And now we’re left with a bit of a cliffhanger and Severus has a week to figure out what to do. I look forward to seeing how you handle this. I have some crazy ideas. About how long are you planning on make this story?
I really like how partial Severus is to plants. Here’s a “I don’t give a –“ hardened cop on the take who seems to care about very little (and invests his money in even less) but give him a plant and he turns into a cooing, sweet talking sap.
Love the description of padre’s “body a little too small for his spirit” The world would be a better place if more people could be described like that.t
That’s so cute! Severus is studying for his date.
Lupin doesn’t know when to quit. He wants everyone to like each other so much that he doesn’t understand he’s making it worse. Not sure if he needs a reality check about his partner or about his attempts to “fix” everything.
I love a well-researched fic-got the address right on the church. Plus, you do an amazing job include quotes from such a wide variety of texts (Bible to Guns and Roses) and historical facts.
Interesting that Miranda has been pulling away from Severus since the Meadow’s murder and I don’t think it’s for any of the reasons he listed. I’m guessing either Fenwick’s strange conversation at the end of the night is making her suspicious or she’s been waiting for him to make a move.
You’ve done a wonderful job keeping the characters’ original personalities in this story—and yes, Sirius still is an ass in any reality. I love the little one liners you always come up with 95 theses of hating Sirius Black? Would he pound them on the door? His next line really shows the depth of his own self-loathing. I think he actually does believe that Sirius would get lucky with her that night because his own luck is that bad. (and no, Miranda, you really don’t want to unpack that statement.)
And it’s that he never made a move. You’re right, Sev. You are an idiot. Love the Can I/May I grammar-cracked me up.
I found the dichotomy of Severus’s reactions interesting. At the beginning of the chapter, he was thinking “of course I lied about seeing Fenir Grayback. I’d like to stay alive” but he’s soon questioning himself as a human for letting the guy go.
Boy her brother is a jerk. Kitten pictures? Really? (Honestly, I forgot that one of her brothers was a Seamus, so I was thinking Seamus Finnigan and what a personality change until I made the connection.) I, honestly, don’t blame her for wanting to deck him. How can he be so callous? Or is this his coping mechanism. (I would have been amused if it had taken both Severus and Finn to drag Miranda off of him.)
I love your descriptions of the housemates. Mardi Gras reject and American Apparel model . . . I always love your descriptions. They are so creative and give such wonder imagery.
Yes, Flitwick is the shrink—love it. Severus said that he wound up tighter than a 10 day clock (again, amazing metaphors.) Maybe because Flitwick hit some points closer to home that Snape wants to admit.
So, I’m a bit confused. Who does Fenwick want protection from? I would have thought Tommy but obviously not if he’s going to him.
Love the Hugo quote—great one to describe Snape’s messed up life.
The morning after left another interesting layer on their relationship. He’s over questioning everything because he cried and I’m betting she’s not thinking anything is amiss. (It’s like their roles are reversed. Isn’t the woman supposed to overanalyze?) She did make a good point about a good cry is better than bottling up those emotions or dealing with it another way. It felt like she was trying to keep it light since he’d be so pensive about his crying, but it just backfired and now he’s overanalyzing.
One just wants to slap Pettigrew or invest in a roll of duct tape around his mouth. How has he not been caught-such an idiot! (and nice save by Severus into her nosey questions. Now she feels guilty, so she won’t keep digging and he’s not in trouble.)
I’d love to see the conversation between St. Peter and Fenir Grayback, whether he be werewolf or henchman because there is no way he’ll even tough those pearly gates. You did a great job adding to his characterization. First in church, honestly not even trying to pretend (although I’m interested in his wife’s beliefs) and then now blowing a kiss to Severus was a nice touch to exhibit his creepiness.
Author's Response:Hi Barbara!
I don’t really think of overthinking as a masculine or feminine trait. I think of it as a mental illness/neurodivergence trait. This Severus had mental issues way before he witnessed Lily’s death, which has given him some PTSD. So overthinking is just the way his brain wants to work. I’ll also note that the story is entirely from his PoV, so we don’t really know what’s going on in Miranda’s head—or anybody else’s head—except how it appears to us filtered through Severus. It’s been an interesting challenge to write a long form story from a single PoV. I haven’t done that before.
Peter is just the worst in this story.
I love that you liked how Severus redirected Miranda by disclosing his sexuality! It did make her shut up, and diverted her attention, and made her feel a little guilty so she wouldn’t keep asking him questions.
I’m so glad Fenrir is creepy in this story!! I wanted him to be really menacing and just scary as heck, so I’m glad it’s working.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Our insights in Severus’s (imploding) relationships really helps us understand what makes him tick and how much he blames his own faults for his lack of connection with others. However, kudos to him for not willing drag Rose into this (although obviously too late, even if he thinks he can stave it off-the rest of us know better.)
The lines: Whatever. Nobody lived in Chicago for the traffic.
Or the weather
Cracked me up. The former can definitely describe DC too.
I loved your description of Saint Casimir. In fact, I looked up pictures of it just to check your description. Although a bit mismatched, it does not look like a “fugly . . . giant lopsided mushroom.” I hope that was Severus’s perspective and yours.
I like his deadpanned replies when talking to McKinnon about her singing. As she spouted off the language of the discipline, I was agreeing with Severus. Still it was obvious she was excited.
Typo? Did you mean big mouth shut instead of big mouth shit?
The next scene, honestly, made me very uncomfortable since they were in a church, so I’m skipping ahead to chapter 7.
Author's Response:Hi Barbara!
Thanks for taking a risk on this story! As you could probably tell from the first chapter, it’s a departure from stories I’ve written in the past (except for the fact that it’s still HP and Severus and Miranda).
Severus has a lot of blame to go around, but he blames and hates himself most of all. He doesn’t want to drag Miranda into the mess he’s in, but, as you’ve noticed, it’s probably too late for that, lol.
That’s so cool that you looked up St Casimir in Chicago. Okay, so I have to explain that the “St Casimir” in my story is based on an actual church in Chicago, but I changed the name of it to St Casimir to protect the guilty. So please know that the “St Casimir” in my story does indeed look pretty much the way Severus described it. The St Casimir that you found when you googled has been renamed Our Lady of Tepeyac, which is why I went with St Casimir, because there wasn’t an active Catholic Church in Chicago with that name. St Anne’s is also based on a real Chicago church, but I changed that name as well.
Ope, that is a typo, thank you for pointing it out, I will fix it.
Feeling uncomfortable at that last scene is totally understandable. The tone of this story is pretty gritty, that’s for sure.
Thank you for this lovely review!
Ooh another chapter of Breathing for me to gift with a reward review *Maggie Smith goody goody gif* :)
And you once again, deliver all the dark humor in the world. I cackled out loud at: "white circle cracker things," and "stared out at him like the fucking eye of Sauron." This just killed me haha! I can always count on you for some excellent Catholic humor! ;)
Woah, what an action packed chapter! I loved the inclusion of Oliver Wood in this! And they named the baby after both Miranda and Sev, how sweet! This was such a great way to sort of bring them back together in a friendly way again...post-opera angst.
You do an excellent job with building tension and suspicion throughout this entire chapter while also infusing these lighter, happier moments. I could see this in every scene, but I especially felt it during the whole sequence with Oliver and the baby delivery. And then again with the little the celebratory moment that Miranda and Sev indulge in afterward, which is then crushed by the conversation with Slughorn.
You're doing such a wonderful job at pulling Miranda and Sev apart, putting them together, and then pulling them apart again hah. But you do such a great job of keeping the plot going this way! And I think, because they've already done the dirty deed, this story is more about the plot and how it impacts their relationship along with all their previous baggage...because it can't be about the pining. Well, it can a bit, but that's not the central piece of this story, and I really like that you've made the emotional appeal about how the plot affects them! I think it speaks to your skill as a writer and it works really well for this kind of story! :)
I'm on the edge of my seat now, wondering how this week will play out and how Miranda and Sev's partnership will be affected by it. Great job!
<3 Courtney
2/7
Author's Response:Thank you so much! I'm really hoping to get back to this story soon.
Hello, Noelle, my dear! Here with a review for the event! :)
Okay, it's been way too long since I stopped here, so I sort of forgot everything that happened in the last chapter, but poor Sev, he's so embarrassed... waking up on the couch must not be very comfortable, and discovering Miranda on the floor and remembering everything that happened the day before... yeah, I can see that he would feel awkward about it all. But Miranda doesn't seem like she minds the fact that he broke down a little. And why would she, honestly? It's actually endearing to see someone's most vulnerable side.
Regulus did choose a bad time to show up, but it's not his fault. I do feel bad for him, too. He's too young and innocent to be involved in all that stuff... I wonder if Severus recognized the resemblance with Sirius? Even if only unconsciously?
Oh, and Peter... he's not too good at this dirty cop business, is he? But it was fun to see him make an appearence as well. Although, yeah, can't blame Sev for being annoyed at him... good cover with the coming out as bi to Miranda. That was clever, even if it was one more reason of awkwardness between them...
Urgh, Greyback always gives me chills, the way you write him. I'm a bit scared of what they're going to find, and I feel so sad that Severus had to cover up for whatever this was... btw, I felt kind of bad when Severus was considering confessing everything and he thought back at how he got mixed up with Tommy in the first place. It makes him a big more sympathetic, honestly. I wonder how Miranda would've reacted if he actually told her the whole story.
Sorry if I rushed a bit through this review, the round is almost up so I'm hurrying a little, but great chapter as always! Hopefully I'll manage to be back for more soon (sorry for having been away for so long as well...)
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi Chiara!
I feel so bad for Regulus in this story too. I was hoping he would be sympathetic.
It's been super fun to write Greyback as such a spooky character. I think because Tommy Riddle is really too far up the food chain to have much interaction with Severus, Greyback is taking over the roll of the villain we see the most in this story.
Thank you for this lovely review!
Ahh, how seasonal this chapter is! XD
My ovaries exploded a little when he let Oliver use the radio. :pleading eyes: That was a fantastic scene all around. And looked like a move towards some kind of reconciliation or at least truce between Sev and Miranda. But...
How could Slughorn think Miranda would be amenable to being on the take, given her family??? That's such a crazy request. So then... Sev is going to tell him no... and then they'll reassign him... and Miranda will think he asked to be away from her. Maybe? Oof.
Waiting with bated breath for the next!
<3
Author's Response:I loved putting Oliver in this chapter! I'm so glad you liked his cameo :D
Slughorn's greed is getting the better of him here for sure....
Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
Oh god, three times back to back that Sev has been caught cozy with Miranda by the wrong people. I suppose he must have figured there's no way to discredit whatever Peter is going to be saying about him, when Greyback and the whole coffeehouse saw it too. He picked a hell of a way to end it with Miranda. :( Patrol is going to be awkwarddddd...
Author's Response:I know. I really wish Sev would just come clean to Miranda already...
Hi, Noelle.
Here to review the last of the already-posted chapters of your story. Another winner, as always.
I liked the way you started this chapter with a calm scene at St. Anne's Church. Surprising to see Father Columba there all alone, adoring the Host. I recall that you decribed this same kind of event in one of your previous stories involving the Indian woman who was facing infertility. So I wondered about the frequency of this practice, such as on certain days or certain seasons in the church calendar.
The paragraph where Columba says, "An earthly lover may say they want all of you, but Christ is the only Beloved who can actually take it. Be careful, Severus. If you offer, He will take it." That would sound scary to anyone. No wonder Severus feels a chill go down his spine and he flees out of the church. Sometimes I have to remind myself that this is an AU story and there's no magic in it (like when I say to myself, "Why don't they do such-and-such?" and then I remember that this story takes place in the real world). But this moment gives us a glimpse that there is perhaps something more thatn we see with our eyes and feel with our fingers.
The scene on Christmas night where Snape and Rose deliver the baby in the SUV by the side of the street was really sweet, which is unusual for this story. I can't think of any other scenes that I would call 'sweet'. I was pleased that you focused on Snape in that scene and his interaction with the 8-year-old boy and left the entire baby-delivery material 'off-stage', so to speak. There's nothing so unusual about a fast, easy delivery, but keeping the little boy calm and occupied required much more creativity. (And I hope that Mrs. Wood's friends can retrieve the SUV in the morning and clean it up!)
But you can't leave us with a feel-good scene to end this series of chapters. Oh, no. When Snape and Rose get back to the station and are suitably praised, the Captain reveals that he wants Snape to bring Miranda into the 'family' of dirty cops who do the bidding of the Riddle Organization. Good word choices: 'a greedy smile' (even before we fully understand what the Captain is asking for), '...his gleaming eyes hungry for cop souls like some goddamn devil'. The second or third time I read this chapter it struck me that Columba's words were reminiscent of what Snape was experiencing with Tommy Riddle -- "Be careful If you offer, he will take it." I wonder if Snape saw the parallel.
Great job. Thank you for writing!
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi Vicki!
The frequency of Adoration varries from parrish to parrish. Some parrishes have a weekly time set aside for Adoration. Some do it only on special occasions. There are even some chapels that have perpetual Adoration, 24/7/365. I think that Fr Columba has it set up to be a weekly event at St Anne's.
I did mean for Fr Columba to be spooky here. I'm glad it worked!
Thank you for this lovely review!
Hi,Noelle.
One more chapter review here.
I see that this chapter is bookended by two opposite thoughts. In the opening scene Snape "would almost think things had a snowball's chance in hell of working out." And by the end he believes that there's no way he could keep Rose or the people he loved safe from Tommy Riddle's Organization. There is no way that things had a chance of working out.
And yet he and Rose are tied together by the fact that they are partners on the police force, obligated to work together professionally.
I wonder what will come of Peter's dropping in on Rose and Snape while they're doing their laundry. Will he spread the gossip that they are dating? Or was he really just interested in telling Snape that Reg-something was really Regulus Black, Sirius's younger brother? And did Peter think that that fact meant something special, or does he just like to spread gossip? I will be interested to see if somethng comes of this minor exchange.
The payday at GroundZero Coffee Shop was very interesting. Since I know nothing about the details of how organized crime operates, I didn't realize that there would be a special day of the month when all the businessmen bring their protection-money payoffs to a money-laundering site, or that a member of the Organization would be there (Snape) to watch that everything went smoothly. I do wonder where you get all this information to make your story realistic. Surely not just by surfing the internet and googling 'organized crime'. Glad to see that you are keeping us up-to-date on what is happening to the hapless Benjy Fenwick and his sidekick Sybil. I expect his body to be fished out of the river before this story is over. He thought he could handle it. And yet later in the story, the closing scene, Snape is saying the same thing about himself -- he thought he could handle it. That's so sad.
Quick thinking on Snape's part when Rose appears unexpectedly in the coffee shop. But I suppose that by now Snape is accustomed to coming up with fallacious cover stories on a moment's notice. Still, it gives us a useful opening to learn more about Snape's and Rose's romantic histories with lovers that ultimately didn't work out, and it feels like a very natural segue into those old stories.
The description of the scene in the opera house was great. I could see it well in my mind's eye. I asume you have been there. So far, so good for our star-crossed lovers until Fenrir Greyback and his wife show up at intermission. It's almost as if Greyback were stalking them. No place is safe. And now Snape knows that Mrs. Greyback has spoken with Miranda in the ladies' washroom and is acquainted with Father Columba. Tendrils reaching out again? Was that meeting just coincidence, or did Greyback order his wife to follow Miranda into the ladies' room and strike up a converation with her and ingratiate herself to Miranda by mentioning the acquaintance with Columba? This all sounds awful.
No wonder Snape is panicking, even though he's barely keeping things together, and makes the instant decision that he must break up with Miranda immediately. But he still cannot tell her the truth, so the situation makes no sense to her at all. Will Snape get suicidal, thinking that there's no other way out?
Must keep reading...
Vicki
Author's Response:I'm super excited about all the questions you're asking, and that every encounter has the reader wondering how threatening it really is. I can't really answer these questions now without spoilers though :)
Thank you for this lovely review!
Hi, Noelle.
Here again to review another chapter of Breathing Underwater. :)
Poor Snape. I really feel for him because of the terrible secret he is grappling with. It makes me wonder how this story is going to turn out in the end. Is there any Happily Ever After?
His unexpectd encounter with Father Columba turned out well, on the whole. He got to spend some time explaining plants to Columba, which took his mind off his troubles, a welcome distraction, and Columba gave him good advice for the opera -- to iisten to the music ahead of time and semi-learn it -- and called him decent and competent and solid, which heaped coals of fire on Snape's head. Everything seems to be getting more problematic for Snape as his relationship with Rose gets more and more serious, and his reputation as a decent guy continues to grow with her family. "Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive."
Again, a big contrast (which I like) in the scenes of this chapter -- intimate moment of sexual desire contrasted with the scary scene at night when Snape and Rose stop the speeding car which turns out to contain memebers of Tpmmy Riddle's Organization, and of course Rose is sublimely ignorant of who these three men are, although Snape's adrenaline is through the roof, so when the traffic stop is over and the Lincoln is gone and he falls apart, Rose still has no inkling of why this traffic stop was so über-stressful for him. A very interesting scene, both for Snape's reaction to the situation and Rose's subsequent response to him.
Your final line is good to sum up the fact that Snape feels irretrievably trapped. It was too goddamn late to cahnge things now. So how will this end? Somehow I don't think it will end with Snape's death, because you love this character too much. Good luck!
Vicki
Author's Response:Thank you! Snape is definitely in over his head...
Hi, Noelle!
Here to continue reviewing the chapters that you have posted for Breathing Underwater.
I liked the major change of scene, just to keep the variety in the narrative. True, it's a church that Severus has been in once before, but under different circumstances, for a different reason, with different results. So it seemed fresh and new. Except for the fact, of course, that most weddings are so formulaic in their actions and presentation that they include nothing new; it's like watching Groundhog Day over and over. Makes you wonder why brides want to follow such a rigid formula, as ritualized as the Queen opening a session of Parliament. But they do, and Aurora has obviously wanted to follow the formula.
(Interesting that Marlene complains about the wedding music being repetitive, given that everything else about the ceremony is repetitive.) :)
I was a bit surprised to read that Severus was surprised to see that Aurora's bridegroom's surname was Shacklebolt. I suppose that he just never realized that before, given that he hardly knew the man. And now he also realizes, later on during the reception, that Kingsley and Alice are related. (But given that Shacklebolt is an unusual surname, it woud be a miracle if they were not related.) Now Severus has to worry whether the Riddle Organization, as present in Alice, will come to taint her brother Kingsley and finally threaten Aurora, for whom Severus cares. I am struck by how the poisonous tendrils of the Riddle Organization seem to permeate everywhere.
You have many turns of phrases here that I especially liked, such as the reception site being "about as cozy as a basement in a horror film." Perfect! And what Rose said about Sirius, "a joke about how Black had to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral." (Maybe that's an old saying, but if so, I have never heard it before.) "...fire burning up a trail of gunpowder to the powder keg." I loved that descriotion of Sirius Black zeroing in on his intended victim -- Severua.
This character whom you have created and slapped the name of Sirius Black on is such a bully. Much more so than the real Sirius Black ever was, more deliberately cruel, more narcissistic. Your line "Black, because he wasn't the center of everyone's attention, was bored as fuck and decided it was the perfect time to stir the pot a little," made me want to throttle him, and I was glad when Severus tried to take a swing at him.
So it looks like Snape did leave the reception before the cake was served, as Black had predicted.. It was good to see that Rose and Snape managed to make up when they were outside, away from the reception and away from that human snake Sirius. (Doesn't Rose see fully what a piece of crud Sirius is? Why does she dance so happily with him?)
I had to smile when Snape thinks that Rose's matching underwear was worn for his benefit, and she says, "Men! You think everything's about you. Maybe I just wanted to match." Of course that's true, we women like to have pretty things, even pretty undergarments that are covered up by our outer clothes, just because they are pretty and make us feel pretty, and they make us happy. Maybe most men (except Sirius) don't care that much about the beauty of their clothes and thus cannot understand us.
I also smiled at the line "Severus would say he was better than your average asshole at fucking." It contrasts so greatly with his constant mental refrain of thinking himself to be not good enough in so many ways. Does this make up for those other "failures" in his mind? It was rather funny to me.
Your stories are pretty complex, aqnd I give you kudos for being able to do that. Good job!
Vicki
Author's Response:I think it's helpful to remember that this is Sirius from Severus's point of view. And since Severus doesn't like Sirius, he tends to paint Sirius in the blackest light. Sirius is kinda terrible to Severus, to be sure, but I wouldn't assume that he is always awful.
Thank you for this lovely review!
Hi, Noelle!
Just chugging long, chapter after chapter, until I will have read all the chapters you have posted so far. What an action/adventure/mystery story you are spinning here. The longer you write about Severus Snape, the more complex he becomes. At first I wondered why Snape had gotten mixed up with the Riddle Organization, but now that I know a little bit more about his reason, he becomes an even more sympathetic character.
It is amazing that Greyback not only killed Dorcas but also cut her body up so precisely, in such a short period of time, and didn't get covered with blood from spurting arteries. Of course, in the dark of night bloodstains are hard to see. Does the similarity to the depiction of St. Theresa have any plot significance? We shall see!
I liked your depiction of the counseling session with Dr. Flitwick. As shown from the POV of the person being counseled, it is so clear that not much is being accomplished If the counselee won't be open and frank, the session can end up being useless. I wonder if the doctor knows how much Snape is hiding. Or if any good can come from such a session, even if the counselee is covering up like mad.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the tendrils of the Riddle Organization extend so far and into so many places. Benjy Fenwick has gotten tangled up with it (not surprising, since he shared an apartment with the recently murdered Dorcas), and the GroundZero Coffee House is a front for the organization, through which its funds are laundered. I'm sure I'll be seeing a lot more facets of the Riddle Orgnization before this tale ends.
Love this story. You certainly have the touch for writing noir.
Vicki
Author's Response:Thank you!
Yeah, I'm not sure how much help Severus is going to get from therapy if he has to keep on lying to the doctor...
Hi, Noelle!
Another great chapter. I am enjoying this story more and more. You show us more and more of Snape's involvement with Tommy Riddle's gang, and as if that weren't problem enough, he has to deal with idiots like Regulus Black and Peter Pettigrew who don't know how to be discreet.
I feel sorry for Snape, wanting to be truthful with his partner but but feeling forced to hide things from her. The revelation that he was bi was a stroke of brilliance for him, being on the spot to instantly come up with something that was serious enough that he wouldn't want Rose to find out about it. "Loose lips sink ships," Mr. Pettigrew, and you just about sank your fellow cop's ship. I don't think I could have come up with something so spot-on in just a few seconds, as Snape did. And then to come up with a reason why Pettigrew would know about such a personal matter. I have noticed in life that there are some people who can keep their lips tightly sealed, even carry secrets to the grave if necessary, and other people that have no control over their compulsion to blab about everything. Peter sounds like the latter type. Not a good quality for someone who's on Tommy Riddle's take.
Great description of the contact with 448 North Wells. Lots of action that was perfectly easy to envision and follow. Lots of suspense. Of course I wonder why Dorcas Meadows was murdered. It was a very short time from when the burglar alarm was triggered and the murder was committed and Greybck was out of the house again. But I suppose that Greyback has had a lot of practice doing this sort of thing as Tommy Riddle's hitman.
I will keep reading Gotta find out what happens to Snape in the end. And reading your fluff series has given me a lot of background. I appreciate that.
Vicki
Author's Response:Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!
Hi Noelle, I'm here to woo a Mummy <3
It was a shit day. They'd all been shit days since Lily died.
I feel like reading this after More Than Words makes Lily's death hit even deeper because we understand how deeply he loved her and how close their friendship really was so that was just a really somber opening line for me.
I really love how James still feels James in this AU. I could picture standng there holding out the box like a "proud child" and finding it in him to be generous to his wife's best friend despite his own grief. But I mean, somehow, all your characters really manage to stay in line with what I imagined them to be in the original universe, which I feel like would be a hard task but you makeit seem effortless. Like the way Snape WANTS to care about James and Harry - but doesn't? It's just so human and so Snape.
Everything with Miranda in it was hilarious though. Like I was literally laughing out loud soo many times. She aligns well with Snape, I think. She's very straightfoward,so she doesn't take his nonesense and she's very smart, capable of standing her ground. She also seems symapathetic though, which I feel like Snape needs.
"What the fuck kind of church did you go to?" Lolol
And the smut was so unexpected ad so detailed and hilarious all at once. Really, I enjoyed the scene. I couldn't stop laughing because Snape's reaction was just honestly the best and felt so very authentic.
"I don't feel worse." Oh my gosh. I seriously just want to collect alll of his one-liners because they're all so infinitely brilliant.
Really excited to have finally started on this story. <3
Love, Quilly.
Author's Response:AHHHH thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it :D
Hi Noelle.
What an interesting chapter! I see the leap ahead in time, in which you say in a few brief lines that Snape and Rose had finally gelled as partners. A good point to move the plot forward by a bit of telling rather than a whole lot of showing, which would certainly not have been as dramatic as what follows on November 3.
We get to see the interior of Father Tarquin's church on a very special night. Things would have turned out so differently if Snape's mother had not had a cold and stayed home. But Snape had to go to the church anyway because his mother asked him to record the music for her. A lot of things that happen with Snape seem to be by chance and not by his deliberate decision. This might make him feel that he doesn't have as much control over his life as he would like.
What a shock to see Mr. and Mrs. Greyback sitting next to Columba in the side balcony! Why are they here at the church, and is it just a coincidence that they are sitting next to Columba? Just a matter of their or his finding seats wherever they were available in the midst of this standing-room-only crowd? Or is there some connection? I can't imagine that there is a connection, or if there is, it must be entirely on Fenrir Greyback's side.
So this triggers Snape's panic attack #1 (mood decreases), followed by the retreat to the woodworking shop (mood levels out, and thanks for the info about Father Tarquin), followed by the mind-blowing but hilarious sex scene (I didn't previously understand how people could say that sex scenes were hilarious, but now I do) (mood goes up), followed by panic attack#2 when Miranda injudiciously mentions Lily Potter (mood goes down). I wondered if she understood at that moment how injudicious it was for her to bring up the subject of Lily Potter. She had previously assumed that his meltdown at the karaoke bar was caused by the presence and actions of Sirius; she seemed at that time not to realize how much Snape is triggered by anything that reminds him of Lily.
Back at Snape's apartment, Snape himself brings up the topic of Lily, saying she would have liked to be there at the concert. Maybe it's a little easier for him if he brings up the topic himself, after due consideration, instead of being blindsided.
Lots of stuff packed into this chapter, with lots of details about the church's architecture and the mass/concert that really brought the scenes to life visually. Excellent job.
Vicki
Author's Response:I don't think Miranda triggered Severus's second panic attack on purpose. I'm not sure she noticed the second panic attack start either, not until she went to find him outside and he'd already broken down. Panic attacks can be hard to miss by the people around the person having them.
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
Hi, Noelle!
One thing that strikes me about this chapter is the volatility of Snape's moods. You toggle him skillfully between his various ups and downs, and I note that the changes of mood tend to occur suddenly for him, so that it must be hard for him to deal with. (Actually, this is always true for him, not only in this chapter.)
I enjoyed the brief scene in the diner where Snape, sitting by the window, is spotted by Marlene McKinnon and her Catholic priest boyfriend, Tarquin McTavish. (Is that a minor name from canon also, as practically all your names seem to be, or do priests get individual treatment?) :) I wonder if Father Tarquin will show up again in this story.
The series of text messages (with pictures included!) made a nice bit of variety in the narrative style. Snape wonders whether he should agree to the request to diagnose the sick grapevine, but subconsciously he wants personal connection with other people, such as the Rose family, because he spends so much of his off-duty time alone. It's not good for him to have so little interpersonal connections -- he tends to ruminate about his failings when he is alone.
I identified with his statement that a grapvine can be cut way back and still sprout new growth in the spring. My brothers cut back my totally-out-of-control grapevine a few years back, and the next spring I was sure it was dead, but finally buds pushed their way through the thick bark, and it was fine.
So many plots threads keep coming together. The Mozart Requiem at Father Tarquin's church that Snape's mother is interested in hearing. Columba's hints (and Snape's vibes) that Tarquin is not as straight-arrow as he ought to be. The conversation with Miranda about dirty cops and her statement that she trusts him not to be a dirty cop. At this point in the story I am still wondering why he got tangled up with Tommy Riddle's gang (but having read some chapters ahead, I now have an answer to that).
Enjoyable story, with a wide variety of scenes and an infinite number of details about Chicago, all of which I'm certain are accurate; I don't think you're making anything up except Snape and Rose.
Very nice job.
Vicki
Author's Response:This is definitely more based on book!Snape rather than movie!Snape. Movie!Snape is always cold and calculating and in control. Book!Snape is also calculating, but he is a bit feral, and kind of on the edge of snapping a lot of them time (and we see him snap a few times).
Thank you for this lovely review!
Hi, Noelle.
I'm continuing to read your story about Severus the Cop because it is intriguing and your writing is skillful and captivating. And while the steamy scenes are intense, they're no more so than scenes of battle or descriptions of drastic medical procedures, or of thousands of people dying of the plague (looking at you, Tiramisu). It was gratifying to read what you said in your review response, that every scene had a specific purpose in your mind, to move the plot forward or establish character and relationships. It is comforting to know that even if I do not immediately see the purpose of a scene right away, there nevertheless is one and it will become clearer later if I just keep reading.
I read all the other reviews people left for your first three chapters, and though my reviewing style will never be like that, be assured that I think this is a great story, original, uniquely constructed, with a protagonist we can't help rooting for.
In this chapter you show us again Snape's love for growing plants (I guess I saw that previously in the drabble series). It is such a different side of him than his police work, it's almost hard to realize that they are the same person. Growing a garden is such an opposite from the police work that he does as his regular job, one wonders how he can stand to be a policeman. Maybe he's tied to his job because Tommy Riddle won't let him go. And appaarently
Bellatrix knows more about Snape and Miranda than he had realized, based on the message that Reg-something delivers to Snape in the garden. Oh, great. By the way, was the envelope that Reg gives to Snape a payoff for the envelope-pickup-and-delivery job Snape did earlier, after which he got beaten up?
Interesting to read your descriptions of his daily experiences as a cop, and I loved seeing Dolores Umbridge doing her thing, pink clothes and calico cat.
The long scene in the karaoke bar was very well done. I just felt for Snape as he had to endure it. My favorite line: "But some combination of drunkenness and nostalgia usually kept the crowd from booing the dumbases who sang it off the stage."
Too bad that this trip to the karaoke bar turned out so badly for Snape and Miranda. I wonder how much she knows about how devoted Snape was to Lily, and of course she cannot know all the little, seemingly unimportant things that are triggers for him, reminding him of Lily. It hasn't been that long.
A fine chapter. Thank you for writing. Vicki
Author's Response:Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying it :D
Hi, Noelle.
Now this was an interesting chapter. First of all, some "routine" late night interactions with the citizens of Chicago, including the bicyclist hit by a careless driver making a left turn without yielding the right-of-way. I certainly identified with the bicyclist because there is an intersection in my town where pedestrians cross at their peril because of drivers darting out to make left turns without looking for pedestrians. I and other people have had to scamper to avoid being run down.
Then you include another sex scene, and I wondered why when I first read it -- how did it contribute to the plot? But all became clear when Snape and Rose get involved in more interactions with Tommy Riddle's gang. It's just Snape's bad luck that someone reports a suspicious person or persons down at the docks, and the two of them need to investigate it. Of course, when Snape is encountering Tommy Riddle's gang, he can't win. And here's where the clever plotting comes in (which I fully appreciated only on the second reading). Snape needs to keep Rose quiet and away from the site where the gang members are doing their thing (whatever that is) without her knowing that the gang is there, and he accomplishes that by picking up on the sex play again and dragging it out for ten minutes. Who would have thought of such a plot twist! Gratuitous sex is one thing, but sex as a plot strategy is something else, and you hardly ever see that in a story. One has to admire how Snape managed to make it work.
I do hope that by the end of the story he will have triumphed over Tommy Riddle's gang, but maybe he is fated to be a tragic hero who will go down gloriously. I will keep reading! Good job!
Vicki
Author's Response:Sorry to hear about that intersection in your town. That's a shame.
I don't think I've written a sex scene yet that didn't advance the plot and/or advance a characterization/relationship. There is a lot of sex in this story, so I understand if it's not the thing for you. I have a lot of other stories on my AP.
Yours,
Noelle
Hi, Noelle.
A very interesting chapter. I like how you have such varying scenes -- first the church, with lots of description that makes me feel as if I'm right there, then the little café (if Snape's mother had thought for a moment, she woud have realized that the Health Department woudn't have done an inspection on a Sunday, right?), then the clandestine business of of picking up and dropping off mysterious envelopes, and finally the scene in the park where Rowle and his goons beat Snape up but luckily don't kill him (all it takes is a ruptured spleen...). It's all very visual, as if it were a movie with Snape's ever-present voice-over. :)
With all this organized-crime action, I'm beginning to get more of a feel of what Snapes is mixed up in, but just a hint so far. (I did read RonsGirlFriday's chapter that gave me some background.) I like the pace of this chapter, but I wonder what Snape can do about his life. He can't bring Lily back from the dead or change the life decisions she made. He seems to be adrift, powerless, pitted against something too big for him to overcome. I am interested to see what he does next.
Good story, very ttention-grabbing.
Vicki
Author's Response:Snape definitely has a lot of things wrong with his life. At this point it's hard to see much that is right with it.
I enjoyed describing the church and other settings. I'm glad you liked them.
Yours,
Noelle
Hi, Noelle. I'm here to leave reviews on the first three chapters of this story, impelled by the suggestions of the Monster Speed Dating game that the staffers have cooked up for the month of October.
I started reading this story (chapter 1) around the time it was first posted, but I never got past the first steamy scene. This Severus Snape was so drastically different from any Snape that I had read before, and at first glance not particularly attractive, that I couldn't relate, couldn't feel sympathy for him. So I just left the story sitting there until the time when you began to post your little fluff drabbles for the fluff drabble challenge, and because they were milder in tone than this story, I could read them and get to know the new Snape that you were exploring.
Now I have come back to this story because of its Crime/Mystery genre. It was one of the first stories that popped up when I did a search for that genre, and I thought to myself, maybe I'm ready to give poor Severus Snape the Cop a second try.
Things that impress me: how you include so many names that are familiar from canon but transferred to a different setting and society, yet retaining essential qualities of who they were in their 'former lives.' How you know so much about police procedures in Chicago (I'm guessing you have relatives or friends in the police force who are your sources for this information). How you maintain the gritty narrative style so steadily without sounding repetitious (not couning that Snape's favorite word is 'fuck').
As in the canon books, Snape is a man playing both sides against the middle. The reason why he was doing that was eventually made clear in the HP series, but it's not clear to me yet for this adaptation of his story. Doubtless it will become clear as I keep reading. I am interested to see where this story goes and whether this Snape can make something different of his life or himself. (You will forgive me if I speed-read through some of the more steamy details :) ). You are a notably versatile author, but you knew that already. <3
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi Vicki,
Chapter one of this story definitely hits the ground running. I think it becomes pretty clear to the reader right away the tone of the story, what kind of world this is, and what to expect going forward. I was very aware when I wrote it that it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea. I hope that no readers will force themselves to read something they aren't comfortable with. This story isn't for everyone, and that's okay.
Yours,
Noelle
lolol at bratty sub XD
I adore how he talks to plants and how his internal narrative talks about them -- anthropomorphizing them, calling them sweetheart.
Reg is such a great character, I always lvoe seeing him pop up. And Sev's attitude about Greyback.
Also, what I wouldn't give for a Lupin spinoff in this AU. He fascinates me. <3
Author's Response:lmao, I loved that line! So glad you liked it too. Everyone in this universe is a switch. Except for Remus, who is always top.
Omg, a Lupin spinoff would be pretty awesome...I'll have to seriously think about it, because Remus is going to (unfortunately) have a smaller role in this novel than I had originally intended
Thank you so much for this lovely review!
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