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Oh, Albus, you are in so much denial right here. Sure, it’s your best friend, but it’s also your sister, and if you could look beyond what you think is right and actually see what they need, you might be saying something different right now.
I suppose this was what Lily was afraid of all that time, why she and Scorpius had been hiding whatever they were doing from everyone else, because of THIS. Lily’s response to Rose’s question is warranted. She just decided that it wasn’t what she wanted it to be. That she needed to back off and protect herself, and NOW it all comes out when it’s supposed to be nothing. I mean, she’s not lying… except maybe to herself.
Taylor Swift strikes again… lol
At least Scorpius sees past everyone else’s freaking out and notices that Lily needs something other than what her loving family is throwing at her. He’s decided to be that thing, and I think it’s very telling that he’s not freaked out. He’s not pulling away or hiding. He’s there. For her.
But Lily obviously isn’t ready for that, because she runs. Sigh.
Skye is a good friend. I’m super glad she told Lily that Scorpius was checking in on her. It gives Lily a reason to believe in what she’s feeling. This could be good. Yes, I think it might be a good thing. If Lily is done with running from her fears. You’ve given her plenty, so it’d be understandable.
I didn’t really pay attention to the beginning of this story. I can’t remember if it was Lily or Scorpius who kept pushing themselves away all the time. Here, it’s Lily reminding herself that she’s the one who never made a try.
I’m glad she’s trying now.
Pix
Ahh omgawsh Jacque! This was such a great chapter to return to! The intimacy between them is CRAZZYYY! And not just the steamy bits...the way you have them "getting," one another so easily makes it hard for me to believe this isn't something more than a raging fire romance. The ending "I love is," is SUCH a cliffhanger! It could go either way really! But I think we understand now that things are a bit more complicated for Scor than we might have previously thought.
He has a bunch of legal stuff still looming over him, which makes his character really fascinating. That and the bit with the curse was another great indication of what happened between him and the thief.
And that end! *clutches pearls* No, but it was so sultry and emotive and I loved it!
Another great chapter and congrats on becoming a finalist!
~ Courtney
Okay, these two are big and messy and you’re just making things worse, you know?
I bet you did that on purpose. Ha!
A new flat usually means a new beginning, and I feel like Lily needs this, but also that she needs something else that she’s not willing to ask for. Willow has her number, though. It’s funny that she’s the only one who has figured it out, too. I mean, their friends are all close, but Willow is the one who looks closely at them.
Ah, yeah. That makes sense. I bet the whole group is this shifty-eyed, aversion loving group, and so they don’t recognize it in each other because they’re too busy trying to keep secrets from each other. Sheesh!
Oh. Oh no. This cannot be happening. But of course it is, and Scorpius is right there, and he’s going to defend Lily from that weasel. Or at least he better.
“You’ve got a voice all of a sudden?”
I want to slap that guy. Can I? Please?
Oh, wait. Scorpius has it. And I love that they find out this way, when Scorpius is showing how much he cares about Lily, than any other way. This was amazing.
And also I cringe at the thought of the backlash.
Pix
so simon makes an appearance :eyes: i'm really, really glad that scorpius was with lily in that alleyway, because i can only imagine how things would've turned out if she'd been alone. simon is a real prick, and i'm relieved that scorpius was there to defend lily in a heartbeat, with no hesitation
backing up, though - damn, you really had me going there for a second with that dream, haha. i loved the line about the jacket being an excuse to keep coming back for it - and i feel like rose has a better idea of what's going on, or at least enough to be concerned than she's letting on. we haven't seen her alone much with lily but it's still clear that she cares about her cousin - especially in the end scene
i'm also very curious about the conversation with willow :eyes: if she can see it, maybe things aren't so close with scorpius and willow as lily believes - or wants to believe. i'm glad she kinda called lily out on it though and with them all being kind of the same which is why they may or may not be blind to it. also, i really want to know about those last lines because what a way to end a chapter! you're so good at building the tension through the scenes and the chapters and honestly, the first thing that came to mind was horrified looks from everyone in the roomi'm sad there's only one chapter left (so far) but i really hope scorpius and lily manage to figure their shit out, and simon runs back to the states, and the two of them (scorpius and lily) get the happy ending they deserve
another excellent chapter! i'm definitely going to be keeping my eyes on this story to see how it all unfolds - and of course, all of the taylor references are 10/10 and i eat them up every time
congrats again on winning the challenge! <33
[prize review 7/7]
oof, this one hurt, jacqueline.
listen, i'm all for the angst, but i really just want to shake the two of them. they're going in circles and they keep trying to talk and it keeps failing miserably - i love scorpius for trying, but i want to strangle lily for using it as an excuse to push him further away. granted, we still don't know much about her past relationship, but it's clear it's still affecting her so deeply and she's trying to act like it's not - at least when she's with him
the scene where skye and lily are watching the three of them singing and drinking - oof. honestly, this whole chapter is oof. but in the best way possible. as much as i want to shake lily, i find her extraordinarily relatable and she's clearly trying to work through her shit. she doesn't want to rely on scorpius, but it keeps happening, and i feel like nothing can really move forward until they talk about what happened. and they keep trying and it keeps falling apart and it's such a vicious, vicious cycle
why am i so easy to leave? i might also want to hug her. i know i've said it before, but i'm so glad she has skye and skye just wants her to get her shit together and be happy. also, there was that moment when lily thinks scorpius is miserable because she ended things, and truthfully, it feels so validating, but then she's doubting herself because they've always been messes. and they're just messes together
ugh. another excellent chapter; i don't know if i've mentioned this yet, but your writing is so descriptive and addicting and it flows so, so well. it's so easy to be brought right into the scene and it feels like you're standing in the room with lily, and it's honestly fantastic. i'm glad i've gotten the chance to explore your ap a bit more <33
[prize review 6/7]
ugh, i love these two idiots so much <33 i love that they're giving each other the chance at domestic happiness, and that lily is even letting herself stay around long enough for a cup of tea. they're both clearly trying for something that's real, and i love that. but rose is rose, and ruins the moment, but i can't help agree with skye that it is objectively hilarious and i was cackling the entire time lily was hiding in the kitchen. poor thing <333
i'm glad lily has the studio and skye to run away to when things get hard with scorpius. and skye seems like she's got a good head on her shoulders to give her advice, and to point out that even though simon and scorpius are not the same, scorpius also has his own shit to deal with too
BUT! we do see him trying!! we get a little more backstory here and i'm very, very curious to what happened - so lily was with simon when she ran away to italy with scropius? or maybe right after they broke up so things were still messy? i'm not sure, there's still a million questions but i'm so, so curious for what happened - and why they always seem to fall apart. or why this time is different and why scoprius is trying to communicate with lily. and i love (well, don't love, exactly) that sharing doesn't come easy for him but he's clearly putting in effort even though there's tension between them and i juuuustttt <3 i love them, but i want to shake them <3 <3
[prize review 5/7]
hi i'm back!
i'm such a fan of this scorpius - he really has me swooning and all he has to do is appear on the screen, honestly. i'm not sure if it's his effortless charm or the way he's just drawn to lily, but i adore him. and i love all of the details in all of the scenes with him, but when lily is at the club, everything is blurry and it's hard to see clearly. of course, she's probably a little drunk too, but the differences between that and the scenes with scorpius are so great. not to mention their effortless chemistry is incredible, even when all they do is talk
i won't lie, i'm so freaking happy that he didn't go dance with willow. he doesn't seem to care much about her at all, which makes me vaguely annoyed because WHY WON'T THESE KIDS GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER, JACQUELINE?! i mean, i know that's the point, but ugggghhh. ooh, and skye knows now? or suspects? and NEITHER ARE DENYING? ARE THINGS HAPPENING?!
another excellent chapter!
[prize review 4/7]
back again ♥
okay, so i adore how you're peppering in the bits of backstory with actions that are happening in the present. it makes me want to hug lily, though - she's clearly going through it, but i'm glad that skye seems to be aware of everything. or at least, more aware of everything than anyone else. she definitely has her back, but it's clear that scorpius does too - or at least, he wants to have her back if she wouldn't keep pushing him away
honestly i find group dinners so hard to write sometimes, but you did an amazing job of keeping everyone in the scene and giving them time to speak - i'm not at all surprised to find that albus and rose constantly argue, but that was also a great way to bring up a little bit of lily's past without it coming into the full picture, if that makes sense. but scorpius recognizes it, of course. he doesn't say anything - the hand holding is perfect, and i think it speaks volumes that she even lets him hold her hand <3 scorpius really has me swoooning over here and i love that he's not running from lily, but rather trying to figure out what this thing is between them. and he's right - he can't really say no to meeting up with willow, not without having a good reason. but i also 100% don't blame lily for taking a few minutes to scream into the coat closet
i also noticed the repitition of the line 'i think it's believable' which makes me wonder if everyone might catch onto things quicker than lily would like. ALSO, why doesn't scorpius have magic/his wand?? what did he do and why does he seme vaguely okay with it???? :eyes: :eyes:
another excellent chapter! excited for more ♥
[prize review 3/7]
hi there, back again!
some more vague answers for lily's past, but i love the way you're building the tension with it. so she was in the states and she put her relationship first, and now she has to deal with the fallout of that - but i'm glad that no one is really holding it against her. at least not the people we've seen so far, with rose, fitz, scorpius, and skye
and i immediately love skye. i can tell she's a troublemaker, and i love that she knows about lily and scorpius enough to try and get them to sort their feelings out and get their shit together. even if lily isn't 100% here for it, i certainly am, and i'm eager to see her meddle with them later on too
still love fitz, but honestly, i adore them all <3
and the fact that scorpius and lily can't seem to stay away from each other!! :eyes: i do love that scorpius is trying to be mature and have The Conversation™ but lily is just like "immediately nope" and they're back to snogging each other. but i did really love this little bit: There was never an us. There was him and there was me and there were nights of misguided attraction and vulnerable emotions, but that doesn’t constitute an us. it gives us such a clear take on where lily's head is at for their relationship, even if we don't know where scorpius' head is
i can't help but wonder why lily doesn't want people to know about scorpius - because he's older? beause he's a malfoy? :eyes: either way, i'm very intrigued and am absolutely loving this - your writing is so effortless and so atmposheric, and i adore it
another excellent chapter - looking forward to more ♥
[prize review 2/7]
hi jacqueline! here for some prize reviews - congrats on winning the challenge =)
i'm immediately drawn into this world of yours. i love the dynamics you've set up between rose and lily - even though rose comes across as harsh, you can tell she still cares about her cousin, and would absolutely have her back. i'm also really curious as to why lily's come back to london, and what she was doing before this. i'm wondering if it's something to do with an old relationship considering the boxes of memories :eyes:
fitz! i love him already. his personality clashes with rose's instantly but i think it's good for her, but i totally understand why lily wouldn't want to share a flat with them for too long. hopefully she'll be able to get a place of her own sooner rather than later, or at least, find someone else to stay with
aaand then we have scorpious :eyes: i'm very, very curious to see where their relationship goes and what's happened between them in the past. it's obvious they've got feelings for each other, or perhaps they're leftover feelings from whatever happened in the past. but i love the thread of the spark/electricity that lily was chasing all night and finally finds it with scorpius, which doesn't seem to be much of a conicidence :P
i also adore the atmosphere of the club, and like i said, the dynamics between these four characters. and, of course, excellent song choice for title - i'm eyeing that chapter index too *high five fellow author who uses taylor swift lyrics because they're the best*
i am very eager to see where this goes! excellent opening with this ♥
[prize review 1/7]
hiiii! i'm visiting through some inky finalists and had to stop by for some artboy scorpius <3
there's something so magical about that opening scene. i love how lily's finally starting to get comfortable with him. i love how his arms snake around her waist, how he notices when she tenses, how they end up swaying together. i love their banter. the "we suffer these sorts of tragedies together." it's just got this greatly romantic feel about it that reminds that simple, every day love can be the best kind of love.
the part with rose was hilarious, starting with lily accidentally smashing his finger. i could just feel the chaos of that moment. and lily seems a bit jealous of rose? but i think i makes sense, because there's still left unsaid between them and can create insecurity.
"It is your business, Lily" and "but i'm also really tired of acting like i'm okay with losing you" just did things to my heart, okay? like just when i think i can't love him more, i fall even more.
another wonderful, wonderful, wonderful chapter, dear. <3
love, quilly.
Hi Jacque! I know I owe you some reward reviews for participating in my challenge, so I thought what better place to start than with the last known chapter of Call It What You Want! :)
"That he can watch me with such warmth after I shattered him like I did - even in our best years Simon didn’t look at me like this. As if I was the only person in a room, the only thing in it that mattered."
^^ BUT SCORP DOES!! AHHH I am *swooning* about how she sees them as the same type but they aren't the same, nope, not at all!
But this feeling is a short lived thing because meddling-friends-turned-interrogators are kind of the worst? Particularly after a pretty heated exchange between Simon and Scorp. And with Simon being as shite as Simon is...his presence alone is enough to stir up all kinds of feelings for Lily. I probably would have storm off and away from everyone too, tbh!
I think it's easy to forget the severity that can come with fighting in the Wizarding World. But assault is assault. And you remind us what is at stake with the whole "Scor, your wand can be taken from you," thing. And his "I don't care!" attitude because all he cares about is Lily! :pleading emoji face: For two people who want to pretend they aren't involved, they sure are! Idiots in love. But again, it's a testament to your skill as a writer to work that trope. Because I don't think it's an easy one.
"There it is again, that persistent kindness that twists the guilt in my stomach. The thread of hope that maybe he still feels something for me."
^^ BECAUSE HE DOES FEEL THINGS FOR YOUUUUU! Ahhh...gurl. Jacque just make these two crazy kids get together already! ;)
Also, have I told you that I love Skye recently, because I love Skye. Skye is just the absolute perfect best friend in a crisis like this. Calm, reassuring, non-judgmental, AND still kind of meddling, but at a distance with her whole "I wasn't so sure I should tell you but he stopped by here to see how you were...even though he told me not to say anything." It feels a lot more manageable for Lily to confront her feelings for Scorp in this environment than the previous one. And I love that for her. Girl needs it.
Cat metaphors that also have a deeper meaning about their relationship! "They just don't get us." JACQUE I AM SCREAMING. US. US. us. usssss. "I don't know how to be an us." *screaming intensifies* Beautiful kiss descriptions!
You really came at me in the end and I am a total emotional puddle of feels on my living room floor.
Ok, I need more of this soon! Also, congratulations, my friend on becoming a finalist for best "short form story!"
<3 Courtney
1/5
Jacque! Here to spread some holiday cheer on this story of yours! And OH MY GOD!
This was so, so good!
I loved the fake out opening with the dream sequence. At first, I was like "wait, what did I miss from the previous chapter?!" But then Lily falling out of bed, and of course it was Rose barrelling through the flat. I really loved how it's not clear if she's interferring with a Scor dream or if she's interferring with a real life scenario and then it becomes crystal clear. That whole part was brilliantly laid out!
And then Willow discovering Scor/Lil and then EVERYONE discovering Scor/Lil. Ahhh...so many feelings about that!
And Simon! Ahh...of course he was going to have to show up! And we get more insight into why Scor's only just got his wand back! But we still want more!
Anyway, I thought that the fight sequence was well written. You write action so well. I could picture everything so clearly and THE TENSION! Ahh...it was done so well!
I felt so badly for Lily in the aftermath. And I couldn't tell if she was having an panic attack because of what happened with Simon or at everyone suddenly fixing on her and Scor or a combination of both. I think you convey that it is both, without outright saying it, but I felt so badly for the girl at that point in time.
Simon's a dick (but we already knew that lol) and I absolutely loved Scor's "And I've not even gotten my wand out yet," line. It was amazing and had me going 10 POINTS TO SCORPIUS! xD
Anyway, I cannot wait to see what happens next! You've definitely raised the stakes here with this chapter!
<3 Courtney
hi again,
more gifting!
i love how cute these at home scenes are, like they seem like a proper couple with her making tea and they're just joking together. the dialogue is so wonderful here and plays to their easy chemistry and just 'being with each other'. it's like how they could be if things were straight forward with them. it was nice to see a little bit of this before cracking into some of the interesting plotlines in this chapter.
lily is obviously getting really into scorpius. she wants to know him more, she's nosy and interested because she really cares about this. she's annoyed about rose because shes jealous, i was saying that i liked a bit of clingy 'that's my man' lily. i think this chapter also shows off a lot of lily's issues. how she remembers 'crashing dishes' almost like ptsd. she's just nervous and on edge but we get to see scorpius able to calm that element down in her. this man soothes her soul. i'm here for it.
Rose is such a bulldozer and it's hilarious how she can just turn up in every situation and do the same thing. she never lets things go and i bet she prides herself on 'nothing get pass her', quite funny when she is calling around and lily is just there. I'm really interested about the idea of scorpius putting himself out there more for lily. he has a lot of explaining to do considering things lily is learning about it in chapter. i love the pacing of the story so far though, it's peeling back layers nicely. you've focused on some amazing characterization and now getting more of their motivations coming out too. I'm excited to continue with this!
Abbi xx
hi jac,
here for some winter gifting!
I'm so happy to be getting back into this story. I forget how addictive your writing is, it honestly just pulls me into the scene so much. your description is always so beautiful. you're so clever in the way that you really use it to explore your character's inner feelings/thoughts. it works so well and makes it flow is such a natural way, i could be carried away with your words, i love the thing about the clock that lily describes to link to her own feelings. you've portrayal of lily's issues are so good considering there is obviously still more to her story than currently been shown.
i love the pairing of lily and scorpius, they've got such a believable natural chemistry together. they have this history which has been teased throughout the story so far. they're obviously so comfortable with each other yet there is something such so uncertain about them too. it's an interesting balance but i seriously ship it so hard. their pairing is one of my favourites that I've read on here for a while. the dialogue is on point for them as always. i just really love that scorpius is still quite an enigma, there is something pretty appealing about that.
I like how you can also fold all the other characters in the story too. it works well in big group dynamics as well as the one on one conversations. i do like a bit clingy lily though. she needs that boy to herself. i love how sharing that moment together also baffled how it's only skye who is noticing it. i think rose will probably kick herself to not cottoning onto it sooner whenever it comes out.
Abbi xx
Abbi xx
Hi Jacque! Here for a rousing review on one of your NaNo projects!
"He pushes away from the table, moving closer to me so I turn around again, staring at the painting rather than letting his expression sway my feelings further - but it’s no use. I somehow see him in the crashing waves. An unbalanced tide washing over the steadfast stones. Breaking, retreating, and gathering again for another attempt - just to crash against them all the same."
^^ Dude is this you describing Scor reflected in the painting Lily is staring so hard into so she doesn't have to look at him?! Because dayum that is the most brilliant way of describing that!
"I look forward, spying on his reflection in the glass of the window."
^^ And again! Damn I love how you're writing that! It's so poetic yet visually simple, ya know? Like I can see both instances of that so clearly!
USEFUL?! USEFUL?! USEFUL?!
DAMN JACQUE WHY YOU GOTTA DO THAT? Urgh...you are the master of building up tension in this intro moment. The master of turning Scor into this totally soft boi who isn't afraid to be vulnerable. But then under the weight of Lily's own pain, she crushes him. And it CRUSHES MEEEE. AHHHHHH...I'm gonna need you to fix this! :sweat smile:
"His words aren’t hobbled together like the other’s, but it’s not its usual steady melody either. Each word is pulled taut as if he’s concentrating to get them out in order."
^^ Aww man, the way you describe drunk talk! Jacque, this is totally perfect! There's no other way for me to describe it, but it's relatable and different than the usual slurring of words and I love that you showed different variations of drunk talk in this!
“She definitely wouldn’t approve of mine.”
^^ Shit, shots fired! But also, I snorted. Totally snorted at this. I am Scor in this moment.
“I think things might’ve just got blurry there for a moment is all. Between feelings and just…feeling better, you know?”
^^ ZGFUJDFOIHSDNKJDIFH NOOOOo! Omgawsh Jacque, the way you write this dialogue! It's slaying me, absolutely slaying me!
"All this time I’ve been staying detached, telling myself that it couldn’t hurt to lose whatever this is because it isn’t even really there - but he’d gotten in anyways."
^^ What an end line! Wow, ok, Jacque, I will take "more Scor/Lily feels for 500, please."
Just the way you write is absolutely fabulous! The introspection is wrought with so many emotions, but it's mixed with action that shows me everything I need to see, all the while being wrapped up in beautiful writing! I love this and I hope you are still enjoying writing this, this month! Because damn I'm going to be out of chapters soon hah! ;)
Anyway, job well done, happy week one of NaNo!
<3 Courtney
I thought Lily's descripition of the Ministry was very telling and I think the whole feeling "this just for now, not forever" view of a workplace is very relateable to someone her age. I do feel like there's more to it though. It's not only that she's not at her "dream job." It's that she's not where she wants to be in life and she's working hard to make sure she doesn't form any connections around her. I wonder how this will affect her developing relationship with Scorpius.
Again, I love every single interaction with Scorpius! There's just soemthing about their chemistry that I adore and that draws you into their world. Lily keeps trying to fight it but I think you do an excellent job of showing how this attraction is almost beyond them two.
He doesn't see the strings of the universe pulling around us, tangling our fates until we're caught in the web of it. dkfjljfirjfojek this line is just superb! ahhhh! seriously I love it!
And they're holding hands at the end! And she's not freaking out, she's just falling! My heart! This is leaving me feeling all fluffy and hopeful!
Another excellent chapter m'dear. I'll be sure to come back for more <3
Love,
Quilly.
I was all ::heart eyes:: when Scorpius was the one to catch how uneasy Lily was feeling the middle of all tht fighting and he reached for her hand. It just goes to show how carefully he's watching and how atune he is to her emotions.
I did feel deeply sad for Lily in that moment though. She's obviously dealing with some kind of trauma that is triggered by the fighting. She seems so strong and in control and so the fact that she was nearly in tears made my heart ache for her and whatever it is her past holds.
It feels to me like Scorpius is more direct than Lily? It's like he doesn't dance around the issues as much. He acknowledges that she's mad and that it's about that girl they were setting him. Lily, on the other hand, is letting pride get in the way. To be fair, the poor girl is dealing with a mess of emotions and i don't blame her at all for being guarded.
Another great chapter!
Hiii!! I'm here to woo a Dementor <3
Ah those complicated morning-after feelings! I thought it was relateable that she both dreads seeing him again and also the thought fills her with butterflies. You've set up this really nice build up where we don't know exactly what's happened before but we can feel enough tension to know that something did happen, with Lily's ex-boyfriend (and maybe also with Scorpius?). Whatever has happeend, it's obviously had an effect on Lily and we continue to see evidence of that.
Scorpius is so smooth and witty. I seriously want to quote back every single on of his lines. There's so much chemistry between him and Lily. I love the way they kind of push each other's buttons but in a way that's kind of playful. That whole conversation where they're both "I don't even like you that much" but then end up snogging because they obviously do was golden.
I already like Skye. She feels like such a solid friend and just the kind of person you would want to have around.
I am curious to know more about their past. Did they have a falling out? Is there a reason she doesn't want to date him? Or is just her history with her ex that is making it hard for her trust again? I'm looking forward to reading more.
Love, Quilly.
STOP MAKING ME LOVE THEM SO MUCH. Except don't stop. Because I love, love. And I love them.
Ahhh the way you write feels effortless Jacque. The way you go about weaving description and action and dialogue, I am jealous. This entire chapter read so beautifully. :)
The tension you build up in the opening scene, but then interrupt with sensuality and then humour, it's amazing. The way Lily goes from feeling so tense as memories overwhelm her to slowly relaxing in this sensual manner in Scor's arms, is such a lovely constrast. And then, you do it again whenever things start to heat up and Rose interrupts them in such a comical way.
But what I love is that while it is a comical moment it's also a complicated one for Lily. Like Jacque you make me feel SO MUCH while reading this story. It's hard to put it precisely into words other than "my heart is full and I care so much about all of these characters."
Ooh and, the plot thickens! So it seems like maybe Lily ran away from shitty Simon in America and had a romantic interlude with Scor in Florence that went wrong? There was a thief and perhaps a break up of sorts and damn. We know enough for the timing being, but I want to know more! You always slowly reveal the plot so well. And this story, of course, is no exception.
Also, I love the inclusion of art in this. I'm partial to all things artistic in stories, so I just love consistently seeing that imagery here. And who better than you, really, to describe such things?
As always a fabulous job with this story, Jacque!
<3 Courtney
Ahhh fghudhfkdnfjgdufn! I'm supposed to be writing a half decent review for your request and i just don't know how to do it after feeling all the things after this chapter LOL.
First off, I really love the way you bring all these other themes and abstract elements into this story that then relate to Lily's feelings. She's home, a place where she is supposed to feel tethered and secure and yet, she's totally adrift. Why Jacque, why? Ok, so I get some semblance of WHY. She's stuck in a job that she views as temporary but it very much consumes her present waking hours, so it feels pointless and neverending because it's not something she truly wants. Again I VERY HARD RELATE to Lily in that way.
But I get the sense that there is more to her feeling like she doesn't belong her. And knowing you, we'll find out what happened and how it's relating to all these "drifter," feelings she has going on.
Secondly, Scor is a hot-patottie. Like omg. That scene where he's smoking a cigarette and touches her hand and withdrawls and they're just casually stargazing while chatting about falling and the different types of falling...SWOON. Alex, I'll take "bad boy with a heart of gold," for five hundred, thank you.
AND HE KEEPS HOLD OF HER HAND. ZOMG. I AM DEACEEEASED. And no one is really paying the fuck attention except SKYE and it's totally adorable. And btw, I fucking love Skye. I'd date Skye. She's absolutely perfect, mmkay?
I really like how Willow is intended to cause conflict between Lily and Scor, but she's not pressing him into anything. Unlike Rose LOL. Gotta love her ambition. Just as we love Fitz's "you know you can't just change people's minds." They are a perfect balance for one another.
I adore Al just being totally affable and "hey m'lady, wanna dance?" Like he's adorkably bold in that moment, and I love him for just being himself and not really giving any fucks truly.
And that is such a great end line that brings the earlier conversation full circle! Just as Lily's perception of Scor and the clock in the paragraphs above brought closure to the opening clock analogy. You do a good job of closing those things out and giving them meaning within the narrative.
Alright, so I am DYINGG to see what happens next between Lily and Scor! While they're hand holding and appear to sort of be acknowledging they are a thing, albeit low key, I sense some anget on the horizon and some things needing to be discussed.
Another great chapter with fabulous characters whom I ADORE! I hope my review wasn't too flaily! ;)
<3 Courtney
Hi Jacque here for your review request!
So from personal experience, I get the impression that Lily is using Scorpius as a coping mechanism for some of the stuff she's going through, but that she's failing quite terribly at it. That is absolutely not a critique, but a total HARD RELATE for me. I don't know if that's what you were intending with this dynamic, but that's sort of what I took from all of her feelings and attempts at having non-feelings and wanting him but also pushing him away. It's hard to get all those tangled feelings JUST RIGHT, but of course, it's you, and you always do a stellar job at expressing feelings that you're characters are having in meaningful ways.
I'm thinking there was an abusive boyfriend or an instance of abuse in the midst of an argument. Which, if that's the route this is going, is a really meaningful thing to place upon a character like Lily. She seems strong and self-assured and like she's not going to take anyone's bullshit, but abuse and issues surrounding that can occur to anyone. Even people who are always like "I would never put up with that..." and such. Anyway, that's mostly speculation. So I'll tell that side of my brain to shut up, so I can return to actually talking about things that happened in this chapter.
Oh Albus. So loveable and caring, cooking for his cousins and pals. I stan a guy who cooks and makes that his love language. Can I date your Albus? Though. My husband might not approve LOL. Anyway, I love him and the dynamic we see between Lily and him.
The steadying hands on the waist and the thumb rubbing on the hand underneath the table...Scor is a totally perceptive guy and also probably looking for an excuse to touch Lily. Which like...feelings catching for him too? I mean. I think so. I think that's a tell :joy:
Alcohol totally heightens emotions and brings out the ones we don't want it to at the most inconvenient times. I felt for Lily so much. There's nothing worse than feeling the urge to cry about your past trauma in front of people who don't see you as a crier. And I think you show that in a really vivid manner.
Ahh...I'll be curious to see what happens next for Lily and Scor...and of course everyone else!
<3 Courtney
Also PA 11/10 agree with Weasley stubbornness and arguing just because they can lol.
I saw this story nominated as one of the stories of the month, and I just had to stop by and give it a go, especially because I feel like there just arent' enough Lily Luna stories out there, and oh my god, I am already obsessing over everything about this story.
We get such a vivid sense of where Lily is in life right now even though it's only just the first chapter. And while it knocks me off balance, it's not why I'm unsteady -> what a perfect way to describe her mental state without saying it outright. I adored this bit. There's still a lot of mystery to what's driven her to that point and made her feel the need to run away and come back home.
Scorpius is so freaking smooth and I get the feeling that their relationship with each other is complicated but their banter and chemistry felt so easy. I was not expecting them to kiss - and yet I wasn't surprised? Because these two obviously have so many feelings for each other, and I'm interested to see where all of this this takes them.
I'm very excited about cont. reading this fic. Great job with it so far <3
Love, Quilly
Ahhh the chemistry! The inevitable pull! The attempt and failure at resisting one another! I love it all Jacque!
The morning after was quite hilarious. I adore Fitz and Rose and how domestic everything feels between them. And Ozy...what an excellent floof name <3
I also like how we see Lily's avoidance of Scorpius is clear, but yet, she sort of fails on all accounts. She's trying to go about all these typical, mundane events, and yet, he's still a presence, even if only in her mind.
Skye is an excellent character and I love good descriptions of paint and art and it's all just very lovely, Jacque. And Scor as an artist, ooh we love to see it ;) I also loved their body language and how they slowly came together at the end there.
I also loved how you ended this chapter with another set up for their paths to cross again. It was thoroughly amusing.
Your humor in this is great! I don't know how to explain it, but I found myself chuckling and really amused by a lot of the dialogue. You've created such vivid characters, full of life, and great dynamics, and I just really love this piece!
<3 Courtney
~* PS NaNo Tag *~
Hi Jacque, here for some NaNo tag! This project of yours seems intriguing!
The way you write the setting in the opening is gorgeous! It feels like a slow burn as we slowly see Lily in this quiet environment, she's observing the world around her, trying to get lost in her own mind, and we're observing her, doing much of the same. I don't know if you were trying to make me fall in love with her, but I definitely feel a deep pull towards her as a character.
The ease and banter with Rose was a nice and necessary interruption to sort of lighten things up for Lily. And then Rose attempts to take it one step further with the dancing, but it doesn't quite work for Lily. It's interesting because it's almost like Rose finds the dancing more appealing because of her boyfriend, regardless of their on again off again status, we feel them very much being "on," in this scene. But trying to dance with your cousin/friend and then feel someone press up against you, even if it's not unnecessarily unwanted...it definitely can ruin your fun vibe. And I think you sort of showed that with Lily initially being intrigued and excited by this random guy, but when the reality of his drunkenness sunk in, it sort of cheapened the experience for her.
I sort of get that from all of that and the way she sort of longingly looks at Rose/Fitz, Lily wants to feel something along the lines of a romantic connection with someone.
And then enter Scorpius. Her messy friends-t0-lovers-ex. His suave entrance IS very Malfoy-ish. It's almost like if a camera was panning, it would slowly move to him and he'd be hair flipping hah. It's sultry and amusing rolled into one.
Ahhh the drunken interruption that is Fitz! How delightful! You built up some tension between Scorpius and Lily, making me want more, but not quite giving it to me. So I am even more intrigued by them! Well done there!
I loved the drunken walk back to the flat. Thoroughly relatable.
And then, ooh boy. All this subtle stuff with them reminiscing on the roof, looking up at the stars (hellaa romanticcc), and then THE KISS. OW OW. The way you describe them fumbling on their way to bed is perfect. Absolute chefs kiss delivery on the details on where they're at what they're half falling over and bumping into, while driving the action forward in that clumsy, needy way. I loved that whole sequence really.
And now, I am VERY curious what will happen between them now. Because there's history between them. And hopping into bed together after it's unresolved...I am getting my popcorn ready! :)
This was such a great first chapter with introducing these characters and the dynamics between them! I can't wait to read more and see where these characters go next!
<3 Courtney
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