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Hi Jac! Back for more of your take on Remus (vis a vis Mina)!
This chapter provokes a lot of thoughts. Remus and Lil's discussion about Voldemort's tactics vs the Order's tactics, and the catch-22 of either becoming like the thing you hate or remaining at a disadvantage because you refuse to become like them. Certainly we know the Order isn't comprised of angels, and one of the many great things you do is show us the darkness inside these characters. But they adhere to certain codes of honor and morality, and there are certain lines they won't cross, in theory. Of course, the DE's think they're adhering to a moral code, too. Mina represents someone who perhaps doesn't believe in either. Remus sees the shades of grey, which is why he feels about her as he does, and why he won't just write her off. But in the end, one thing that sticks out is his refusal to be apathetic about unnecessary loss of life, when he sort of points out to Lily that whoever Mina is protecting isn't just a rando for their chessboard.
Great read, as always!
Melanie
I think the way you end the previous chapter and the way you write Remus' melancholy walking through Hogsmeade feels like a seamless emotional transition.
I also really loved seeing this moment from Madness from another POV. Remus is there for Sirius to stop the all out brawl, but he catches that Regulus is the one that Mina is protecting. I really loved how you revealed that through his heightened senses and then the way he catches Regulus looking at the bike. And the unfamiliarity of who Regulus is beyond Sirius' brother and seeing everything about their disintegrated relationship, totally makes sense as to why he's sort of apathetic about it.
But then he tries to tell Sirius about Regulus and Mina but we sense that he feels it is futile given Sirius' true feelings about Mina and how he would react overall. The way you navigated that was well done and made me feel for Remus. Because no one really is there for him in that emotional way he wants and it's just so sad :( But that speaks to your skill as a writer and how you can stir up such emotions in your readers.
<3 Courtney
~* 127 rising through the ranks *~
Jacquelin! I love reading moments from different POVs in this. And this moment with Lily and Remus is just...it does so much to enhance the plot, right? Like I think someone at a distance would view the Mina/Remus entanglement with less bias and therefore, be able to deliver hard truths that Remus wouldn't want to hear.
I also love how they draw the conclusion that Mina's entangled with someone who is a dissenter within the DEs.
And even though he's not present in this chapter, the way you write Sirius is really intriguing...almost like his family's inherent mania is still manifesting in different ways...which also calls into question the idea of what is truly good and what is truly evil and where those lines sort of blur.
Another great chapter!
<3 Courtney
~* 126 rising through the ranks *~
Jacquelin...how do you write? Like seriously that opening sentence is an absolute chef's kiss!
Through Remus' eyes you make me want to doubt Mina and really forget about her desolate situation she is in. Which I think speaks to your skill about how well you've distinguished between all of the characters involved in this universe. Plus, he doesn't know the full story. No one, but Mina really does. And so, if I hadn't read Madness, I probably would hate Mina. Again, you are the queen of making me feel all the feels.
And that flashback moment OMG. I just. The descriptions of Remus' transformation...another true chef's kiss moment. Your way with this emotive description is honestly second to none. Also, how Mina seems apologetic of taking him back to such a difficult moment for him, we begin to see this other side of her that she takes great care to hide.
I really love this deep dive into Remus' mind. I think seeing him featured more is really cool and exciting to give additional depth to your universe.
<3 Courtney
~* 125 rising through the ranks *~
Ooh ok, jumping back in time to tiny!Mina/Remus! I'm looking forward to this!
I really loved all the tiny details about the Animagus lessons they're seeming to get from Mina! Like the second heartbeat idea was a totally clever thing to include. And I love a young Remus thinking about the animal a person takes and how it relates to them. Feels like the cerebral component of his personality coming into play.
There is something endearing about him admitting he is awkward. But Mina is not easily swooned. So I think her reaction of "well self-awareness is a good thing" felt very her.
I also like how you convey the Marauders as a whole in this chapter. It's playful, but also we're reminded of their privilege (at least James & Sirius), which I think sometimes people tend to forget about.
And boom! Kiss at the enddd! There's something so young, wild, and free about just being all "fuck it," and reaching for a kiss and being met by it. Well done there, ending it with a bang! :)
<3 Courtney
~* 124 rising through the ranks *~
Back again Jacquelin! <3
Ok so like, this section here is absolutely perfect:
"They don't understand. What it’s like to have this blackness gnawing at your soul. How it feels to keep a secret at the edge of your lips, never able to swallow it but also unable to spit it out. So instead it just sits there on your tongue, souring."
And I think it really shows us WHY Remus feels drawn to Mina. WHY it makes sense that in spite of her DE status he's drawn to her. Because there are similarities between them. And then for him to see the rest of them as "bloody perfect," urghh. It almost makes you want do something destructive or unhealthy just to break up what you perceive as perfection elsewhere. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's sort of how I'm reading Remus in this piece. And I sort of understand where he is coming from too.
Ouch, how the tables turn and we feel Remus' raw and wounded emotions as Mina's true intentions are laid out for us to see. She's been using him as a way to get deeper into The Order (though her motivations aren't to spy on the DEs). But Still he's sort of been rekindling this flame for her and it hurts and its sad and its all so very palpable. You still can make me feel all the feels!
<3 Courtney
~* 123 rising through the ranks *~
Hi Jacque, back for more galazy reviewing!
(thank you for posting more of this <3)
Oh my gosh this is everything I've ever wanted out of Regulus, Sirius, and Remus. I know exactly what you meant in your review on stranger things about how Sirius and Regulus are really the same but different. I LOVE how you explain it here -- "Sirius exploded with it" "Regulus simmered with it"
And when they start bickering and Remus just melts into himself, because he knows that Mina's secret lover is Regulus :( Not only can he smell it (literally) he also sees the way Regulus is watching the bike and thinks about how Regulus fits all the identifiers for who he thinks Mina would be with.
I love that it gives him a little hope that they can bring Regulus over to their side, because that's just so Remus. But he also wishes that he could let go and be more like Sirius, just understand that things are the way they are sometimes <3
That last memory!! When he mentions her parents and she immediately changes the subject. Because, like he says, she already knew what was coming. and she just wanted to savor what they had left <33 ACK poor Remus I really want to give him a hug, he needs many hugs.
Thank you so much for this, it's really a gift <3
Cat
Jacquelin! After breezing through Madness, I needed to come here! And already, your opening with rain and how it parallels to the opening of Madness...I adored that!
And then the very "young love against the backdrop of war," thoughts and feelings that are coursing through them. How Remus lends her a jumper, trying to be gentlemanly, but Mina knows his shoulder weakness and exploits it. And he does put up some mild resistance, but alas, old habits...at least, it feels that's what these two are to one another.
I also loved the little flashback insertion of them in The Shrieking Shack. It really adds depth to their romantic history and adds to the current internal struggle Remus is experiencing.
This feels more introspection (so far) than plot driven like Madness. But I think Remus is more introspective than Regulus or Mina, so it really tracks with his character as you've written him.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading more of this! :)
<3 Courtney
~* 107 rising through the ranks *~
Hey, Jacquelin! <3
I told you I'd come back for Remus' side of things eventually... (also here for some rising through the ranks :P)
Aww, my sweet Remus... <3 I think you capture him so perfectly here! His melancholy, his loneliness, his feeling of inadequacy... and his love for Mina, of course! And it's so heartfelt, and angsty, and I want to hug him because he's so adorable (I mean, that might be my personal bias, but that's how he comes across to me in your writing!)
I love how his first instinct is to take care of her. And I love how he tries to remind himself that he should not trust her, that she's the enemy, that she's broken his heart before... but he just can't resist her pull! And I love how you mix the memories and the present, you always have a talent for that! You don't give us full flashbacks, but enough of Remus' thoughts and feelings to be able to imagine what their Hogwarts days were like, and I love it how you intersect that with the present moment!
People like me. Mudbloods. Half Bloods. Blood traitors. Anyone who didn't feel the need to put others down for their lack of pure wizard lineage. Mina came from one of the oldest legacies, but wanted nothing to do with the plans of her family. At least that's what she'd tell me when we were alone. When we were tangled together, just a couple of kids who thought they knew what it meant to be in love. / What I couldn't bring myself to say outloud was that we were still kids. Hardly out of school, tossed into the real world, straight into the middle of an oncoming war. And here we stood on either side of it. This bit! I feel this in my soul! It's both beautiful and heartbreaking and it always hits me so, so much how young they all were during the first war... and I love that you put focus on that! <3
I feel bad for Mina, too, with her father in Azkaban... I can see how that would shake her trust in the Death Eaters... of course, Voldemort wouldn't care if one of his soldiers was caught, but it must put things into perspective for her, especially if she didn't really believe in the cause to begin with...
There has always been a darkness we shared, Mina and I. An emptiness that eats away at the optimism and joy a day might bring. A feeling of loneliness that persists no matter how much company we keep. I've yet to find anything that can quell the doubts nipping at the back of my mind like she always could. / Maybe she feels the same quiet around me. Maybe she's sincere in her desire to leave - she had been before. Again, so sad but also so beautiful, and with a touch of hopefulness too... honestly, the whole chapter is beautiful, you have such a wonderful writing style, but I'm sure I've told you before!
I love this! So emotional and stunning and so perfectly Remus! Thank you so much for writing and sharing with us! <3 I'll try to be back for more soon! <3
Big snowball hug,
Chiara
hey (here for the galazy reviewing event!)
it was so nice to get a flashback to see how the relationship/friendship between Mina and Remus happened. I guess they had never lived it in a time when their world had been 'normal' like threat free world. I don't know if I expected Mina to be softer than she is now. she is in a way but always guarded too. Remus is obviously so obsessed with her even if their connection is first based on their secrets. you use the description of her and remus' feeling really come alive and all the feelings he has for her are so strong. I love the imagery of her eyes <3
I love her dynamic with the marauders, she is helping them but they're still so distrustful but have a bit of rapport with her. just the little one. Mina is getting to them as remus says. that's interesting thing. they're teasing remus about her, I think sirius certainly knows how to push remus buttons in regards to her. remus is so protective over her. mann, the kiss was like a movie kiss or something. KISSING IN THE RAIN *HEARTEYES* damn, that's romantic and cute. these guys have chemistry. I have so many feelings about Mina that I don't know where to look. I need to read more to get the full picture here. who should I be rooting for?! haha
Abbi xx
Hi Jacque, I am back for galazy madness
Omg, so Lily knows-knows about this whole situation. She can tell just by Remus's expresion how he feels about the person who cast a curse against him.
This scene had so much in it, oh my gosh. I can't believe Lily knows him so well, and reads him so well. From what I recall, Mina didn't really know what was going on with the McKinnon's, but that chapter might have also been Regulus POV. I think it was (okay, also, did they have a thing in Hogwarts too????) I can't blame Lily for being suspicious about this. And sorry to break it to you, Remus, you never really knew her motives </3
But wow, the part about Regulus and how Remus can smell someone else on her. That really breaks my fucking heart, even though I love Regulus so much. I think Lily does understnad Remus, but knows he needs someone strong to drag him away from Mina.
GOD i want more, but i can also get more from a madness most discreet :)
Cat
Here for more of the galazy and more pain :)
Okay, first thing is I love the way that you describe moon. It indicates to me that he's either near or just ended a werewolf transformation, which I don't really know is relevant, but I love it.
And there seems to be a lot more tension between Mina and James than there used to be...I guess, the war. And oof Remus hates it when she reads his mind, why does she do that?? (i know why, she's constnatly unsure of who to trust, but ughhg)
Oh no, Remus is still so strung along!! With the question about Evan. I mean, he really should have known there was no way anythign else would happen. It's not like they could ever be married. :(( And then also I knew she liked Lily :)) A small smile in the middle of this storm
ACKK I cannot handle this. She forces him to relive a trasformation and then the moment that she really betrays him. Calls him a hlaf-breed and says he can't handle his own problem :(( WHYYY Jacque :( I am so interested in what actually turned Mina in the first place? Like, did her father get to her? Was she just angry at the world??
I will forever try to understand her <3
Cat
Back for the galazy Jacque!!
I...don't know why though, because all this does is make me sad. :)
(but OMG yes Fourth Year, we get flashbacks!!!)
OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT. Okay, so not only was Mina close with Remus, she was in on the transformations?? And taught them how to become Animagi???? This is too good, and I loved, scratch that, ADORED that moment where she and Sirius were facing off sort of and Remus gets jealous, like OMG.
But besides all that....she was like, friends with them? Ish? And good on Sirius for sticking up for his side, because you definitely can't trust Mina. I love how Remus watches Sirius and James when they wrestle for a moment there, wondering baout how they carry themselves. It's just all so nuanced!! And you are right, I want these scenes in AMMD <3
AHHHHHHHH I CANT HANDLE THIS
Not Remus literally saying "I'm awkward," that is TOO MUCH LIKE HIM. and Mina just goes with it, I can't their, banter is literally so cute. And I also love this part about what type of person she is if she isn't afraid of him.....Such a good analysis of her character, and also keeping in mind what Sirius said, as always.
And then the scene of them in the rain is everything I want in a Remus love story. Like, the part about it being okay to become undone once in a while????? You own Remus, that's it. And their tumble down the hill is so cute, and that little part where he recognizes she's wearing something revealing, it's too much. TOO MUCH!
Then just, fuck it. Yeah. Do it :)
Such a good one, Jacque
Cat :)
Hi Jacque, back for more pain for the galazy
Ummm, yeah this chapter is really painful, let's start there. I think you put it best when you said: "They’re all so perfect. They carry themselves with such grace and keep our little world spinning in a steady rhythm. Good and bad. Right and wrong." Yes, that is exactly how Remus sees James, Sirius, Lily, even Peter probably. And most of the Order. I mean, I love Remus, but he gets some tunnel vision when it comes to who has it worse. Easy answer, him, but that doesn't always mean other people can't understand pain. TLDR; yes, but sometimes no.
I literally love the line about how she likes the ones with happy endings that don't mean anything, as you already know. But also, something I didn't notice, "doesn't mean anything". She only thinks things are meaningful if they hurt, which is how I KNOW this hurts her, and she doesn't want Remus to forgive her bc SHE DOESNT WANT HIM GETTING HURT AGAIN. I have never read a character that I hate and love so much all the time.
God, I'm glad she revealed the whole actual plan to him but...Christ, as Remus puts it. She did use him to get where she wanted: Voldy Boy trusting her. And now she'll use that to turn on him, too. It's not the noblest path, but at least she's kind of on the right side. Kind of? And she hates it, because wouldn't it be great to jsut have a happy ending iwth Remus??
But then it wouldn't mean anything
FUCKKK
Anyway, this was much more painful on a second read (I'm doing a peace sign now)
Cat
Okay, Jacque, here for the galazy!!
I know I am cheating by reading this before I finish 'A Madness Most Discreet', but I need some more of Remus/Mina <3 I am a Regulus traitor, as are many people in his life </3
AHHHH no Mina you are so manipulative, I can't handle it. Coming to him in the middle of a rainy night, saying you have nowhere else to go :/ Remus can't say no to that, not when he never feels like he can support anyone. Someone who needs him is....what Remus needsahahhahah
She literally drags him in, that's the perfect description. And Remus can acknowledge his own fault with this but not stop it. I love how you add that bit about the cashmere blanket -- for someone who has so little and feels so inadequate, Remus sure does spend a lot of time with "the elite" (ie. Sirius and Mina) I think, of all of them, he is the one who craves status the most, even though he sees what it does to people :((((
UGH she really gets him with the coy "I'll go," and he immediately takes the bait. this stringing along is literally so hard to read, and I really can't tell if she wants him at all, or if it really is just a ploy.
And I love the bit about their shared emptiness, which is what I think draws them to each other. Both sort of in a place neither understands, except for maybe Sirius, who is too blindly protective of Remus to care. :/ I honestly need to read about their Hogwarts times, bc wow, that must be amazing. The things she's said to him, I can't imagine, to get him in a state like this
Love this so much, Jacque <333 I will read ammd through a much different lens, now <3
Cat
Hi! Here for a galazy review! I read the first two chapters fairly recently and I think I can remember where I left off, so let's gooooo!
I love the hint that you've given us here as to the animagus forms of Peter and Sirius - 'Sirius barks' and 'Peter squeaks' - and I love Peter's contribution to the conversation about feeling something but it was probably nerves lolol.
Sirius flirting with Mina :wideeyes: ohhh I think he's playing with fire here, but Mina has the last laugh, transforming into a bird and making Sirius jump, hahaha! I got it wrong; I thought she might be a cat lol. I like the idea of a second heartbeat being indicative of a readiness to transform. The details of the animagus transformation are really fascinating and woven well into the storyline here.
The mention of the Shafiq family - one of the sacred twenty-eight, I think - and the boys' confidence that Mina isn't like the rest of her Pureblood family fills me with a sense of foreboding :/ And Sirius makes a good point; where did she learn all her (very advanced) magic?
But she's getting right under Remus's skin and he's getting under hers, and I loved the foray into the rain, the way that Mina splashed Remus and covered them both in muddy puddle water, how the chase reminded Remus of time spent with the Marauders ... and Remus is nervous, in that kind of unsure, don't-wanna-fk-it-up kinda way and oh my heart; I just wanna hug him <3
LOVE the chemistry between these two and the kiss at the end!!
I am DEFINITELY coming back to this story!
Meera <3
Hi Jaquelin! I’m here for Prize Review 4/5 :D
I really like what you’ve done in this one. We have Lily and Remus—two of the best and brightest stars on the light side of the war—contemplating what is right and what is necessary. And both of them are worried because they see how difficult things are and are going to get—they see the lines they might be pushed to cross in order to win—but it *bothers* them. It troubles their hearts, because if they cross those lines, are they any better than the Death Eaters they are fighting against? If they use Mina, and her mystery lover, for their advantage, are they any better? If they attack the Death Eaters with the kind of brutality they need in order to win are they any better? A person like Mina or Severus would say, yes of course, you do what you have to do to win. But Lily and Remus have those internal moral codes that say differently. It’s hard for Gryffindors to set those aside.
I also liked how you used Remus’s heightened sense of smell as the vehicle for his realizing that Mina has someone else special in her life. That’s got to hurt too. Because if she picked someone now, why couldn’t it have been him?
He’s got a lot to make him feel all hollow and empty inside in this one.
Yours,
Noelle
hi - here for galazy reviewing event :)
I'm feeling the title of this story is very well chosen and so accurate if I'm honest. This chapter is hella drama and I'm devastated but also here for it at the same time. The other marauders' opinions don't really surprise me like mina is an unknown and you can't really be dealing with that in war.
One of my favourite and most frustrating things about Sirius is how he sees the world. I love this passion he has, the strength in his character to break away from his family. His moral compass about good/evil but it also makes him very stubborn and have this inability to see that ‘grey' in things. It's the reason why he couldn't keep Regulus in his life when maybe someone else in the same situation may have done so.
There are some really beautiful phrases in this chapter. I love most of the descriptors for Mina, the way that Remus sees her and why he needs her. They're very powerful. Wow, she reads his mind. I think there is something messed up about doing that to someone you care about. I think she seems to care about him really. Erm, can it be a little tricky to tell sometimes? She told him though. I'm interested to see what's going to happen next. Where do Mina and Remus go from here?
Abbi x
hi - here for galazy reviewing event :)
Ooh! I love that this is an off-shot from your novel. I've only gotten a few chapters into thiatbut I love that you're writing from another perspective and it makes your universe feel so much richer. The relationship between Remus and Mina is such an interesting dynamic between the two. I felt vibes when I saw their interaction in the other story. I love how you've created this shared aesthetic for your stories. It's so beautiful the description is *chefskiss*
Being in Remus' head is so interesting. His feelings are so complicated and the history between Mina and him seems messy. It seems like a very long running relationship. I think our first love is so important, it imprints on you in a way that no-one else does. I really felt Remus with that here. He obviously has a few issues with Mina and how their lives have panned out. Remus has insecurities about being werewolf and his ‘kind'. He obviously thinks that Mina is out of his league. I don't know if Mina is just telling him what he wants to hear in a way? Mina can be a bit of a mystery and tricky to read for what I've heard so far.
I'm interested to see where this story goes. I'm going to try to read more of this story and ‘a madness most discreet' to get the full picture of what's going on with everyone!
Abbi x
Hi Jacquelin! I’m here for prize review 3/5 :D
Ahhhh!! I have to scream about the poetic movement of the opening line to this chapter. The way the silhouette moves down across the moon, the way Mina shifts seamlessly from raven to human form—just lovely.
I simply adore how jealous Remus is. I don’t know why, but I love it and think it suits him. He spends so much time believing he can’t have anything that he wants, but he still wants and wants and wants.
The dance she’s doing with James—how he doesn’t want her help, and she’s just needling him about needing it is tense. And I can see her getting on well with Moody.
I love the back and forth she and Remus do, where they’re fighting and chasing each other both in real time—and then in their minds. It’s very cool how you’re playing with Legillimency in this fic. They revisit this powerful memory, but continue their argument. And then they’re both so shaken when they come out of it, and Mina has to apologize because she’d promised she wouldn’t do that Remus again, and she didn’t mean to do it now.
All they do is make a mess of things—but it’s such a beautiful mess. Gosh I wish things were different for them.
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Jacquelin! I’m here for prize review 2/5 :D
Lol at Sirius crabbing about practicing to be animagi and how it’s cutting into his beauty sleep.
The whole thing with the second heartbeat is really cool. And I love the moment where Mina catches Sirius off guard by suddenly changing into her animagus form and back.
Omg, the way everyone is teasing Remus for having a crush on Mina is so funny. Although it feels like Sirius is taking it a bit too far—in typical Sirius fashion.
I think you’re doing a great job with Sirius’s character in particular. He’s so quick to judge, and fiery, and kind of entitled. You’re really nailing all sides of him.
Oh, I love how her hair is “like ink spilled out over the table.” And how cute is Remus that he’s admitting to her that he’s awkward.
Interesting that he’s afraid of her doing Divination with him. I wonder what he’s afraid of seeing.
The scene in the storm is just beautiful. I love how Remus sees the thunderstorm as nature’s way of telling him it’s okay to be out of control once in a while. And then how Mina is playing with the water, and Remus chases her out into it, and then it turns into that lovely, adorable first kiss. And how Mina is almost a little shy with Remus when he asks her what she wants.
I have such heart eyes for them now.
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Jacquelin! I’m here for prize review 1/5 :D
AHHHHH I love this chapter!!! For most of the chapter, I was just sitting here wanting Mina to stay with Remus, and let him keep her safe and everything. I really fell into their whole relationship. I think he’s a great match for her, because he does understand the grey better than the other Marauders do, because of the life he has to live as a werewolf.
But then you went and and punched me in the gut with the ending, when Remus realizes that Mina has been using him to get in good with—who knows who? Dumbledore? The Death Eaters? Both?
BUT—she does let him know what she’s done. Like there’s a point where she can’t keep using him, otherwise she just would’ve left without telling him what she was up to. Or continued doing it. And the ending where she tells him never to forgive her—heartbreak over here.
So many good lines in this. I loved the image at the beginning with the cauldron about to boil over in particular.
I’m seriously shipping Mina with Remus now, and it makes me very confused. Well done.
Yours,
Noelle
i love that little glimpse into how lily and the rest of the marauders, especially sirius, are super distrustful of mina and how at the same time, and after *all that time* they still don't or more likely can't understand remus and his mindset and how it feels to be him, to be a werewolf even in the best of times, but in the midst of full out war... his feelings are super complex, both about mina and his own affliction, i have a feeling that as much as he hates himself for it, he also likes some part of what being a werewolf is. like it's *him*, yk, and then there's mina who doesn't shy away from him...
so her bringing in a world of grey when all his friends mostly see in black and white and we know remus doesn't because i suspect he literally can't, and even if he knows it in theory, he's still got too soft a heart for mina to allow himself to believe her particular shade of grey leans more to the side of black than white....idk it all just really makes sense to me, in the context of what the world around remus is and his particular brand of turmoil, to cling to mina even if he doesn't exactly trust her, and also to allow himself to hope only to get hurt again and again...it really fits super well with this image of him that's also super self-destructive. just, in his case, he likes to mask it behind love and friendship (which...i'm not saying he doesn't love or isn't a friend, he is, but he does those things in a way that also hurts him and i love the complexity of that!)
and then, when he realises mina is a legilimens and she can enter his mind well enough...i love the desperation you write, it's just perfect, absolutely bloody perfect. i have my doubts whether mina was really listening all the time, or whether she did that one specific thing to get remus to back off, or even if she was listening whether she told voldy and the death eaters or would tell them...like remus described her, she's a world of grey and i don't trust her but, like remus :P i can hope because i love my grey messes, yk? so i'm enjoying my distrust of her because she's seriously so fun to read (fun as in...love her character, not that any of what she does is fun but hopefully that's clear lololo)
like...at the end...i have a feeling even that might be an act and i love itttt and i'm super excited to read more of this hot mess!!
kris
This is so lovely, in its dark and brooding way -- the attraction and doubt and tension on Remus's part, building to this point where Mina makes a move -- and yet again, as I mentioned with the previous chapter, I find myself wondering, even at this point, back in the beginning, was she beginning her deceptions?
I really loved your descriptions of the Marauders -- how they talk, how they play-fight, very much like teenaged boys, how Sirius does the impression of his father, how it's a joke but Remus is already having these feelings and gets kind of bent out of shape about it.
Also the way Remus marvels over their sureness, how they hold their shoulders "more square than the rest of us." And you can kind of see it with how James and Sirius interact with each other and everyone else and how Remus, while their friend, is sort of sitting on the outside observing.
Also I just really enjoyed the setting this chapter started out in, with them sitting in the shack doing incantations trying to become animagi -- you almost never see the process depicted, particularly not as here something that just sort of sets the scene instead of being the focus of it -- it made it feel really grounded in the reality of their lives at that time, if that makes sense. Them all hanging out while they do this thing (over and over again) -- which they're doing for Remus, which makes it even more interesting, particularly considering Remus's feelings about never totally being able to relate to his friends.
<3 Melanie
Author's Response:<3 Melanie! Thank you for these reviews. They've seriously put a smile on my face!
I pulled the sort of 'how to animagus' from Pottermore. It's an interesting concept and not at all how I originally envisioned the process, but it made a ton of sense with these characters and how they would interact so I ran with it XD Especially, as you point out, that it brings them together over and over again. I loved the subtleness in them all doing this for Remus, but his attention is totally elsewhere. Like, even in these first few scenes Mina is something that divides them.
- Jacquelin
Oooofffff this chapter. :(
I was not expecting that, and it was extra hard the way Remus found out, when she got into his head and spoke to him there and she was in the process of leaving and then he just put it all together.
Going back, I liked the part about how James and Sirius and Lily are all too perfect for comfort -- like you'd think that kind of certainty and goodness and dependability would be comforting, but it's not really, to someone who isn't perfect. Remus seems to crave the comfort and understanding of someone with a moral grayness, where he can let down his barriers and maybe not try to act so perfect himself. But the draw to someone like Mina obviously comes at a price.
I love how you've crafted this character with so much duality that I really can't tell when she's being sincere or not. Like at the end here -- she seems sincere, and she's already given up a lot of information to Remus -- but everything she does is strategic, it's hard to believe she just does anything to no purpose or out of sheer emotion. Like it's a great line and a great sentiment, "I don't want you to forgive me" -- but can I believe it? Can Remus believe it? Does Mina believe it? Arggghhhhh.
Great job again. <3
Melanie
Author's Response:This review is everything. You've got it spot freaking on with how I picture Remus and the rest of the marauders. And that the draw to someone like Mina comes at a price - Ooff! Ain't that the truth.
It's seriously the best thing to know you don't trust Mina - like that's awful, but so so satisfying XD XD
Thanks for leaving another reivew :D :D :D
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