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Hi, Heather. Yes, you have managed to make dog-Sirius extremely adorable. As before, I love all your little details. The lines in which dog-Sirius sees Harry as Harry is boarding the Knight Bus were really quite touching, and I could feel dog-Sirius's anguish as he realizes too late who Harry is, and at the same moment sees Harry slipping away from him. I got the feeling that dog-Sirius wanted to be able to run after the bus, but it disappeared so totally that he was just left staring down an empty street.
The scenes in Mrs. Figg's house were also cleverly written. You do a very good job of getting into the head of someone who is still remembering what it was like, so many years ago, to function as a dog from time to time, back when they were all the Marauders. The orange kitty has a winning personality, and Mrs. Figg's words imply something for the future when she observes that the shy kitty has taken to Sirius in an atypical way, and when she observes "Take that as a sign. You never know where help will come from."
This story has so much potential, and I feel confident that every chapter will be a delight.
Vicki
Author's Response:I'm so glad I'm restarting this! As you know, the story had been a one-shot. One day I wrote more, which I haven't even gotten to yet LOL, and it's taken on a mind of its own. Bathilda and Mrs. Figg were a new addition. Yes, Sirius watching Harry ride away was bittersweet to write. I hope future chapters live up to be as delightful as we hope. The next one is proving trickier than I expected! Thank you very much for the vote of confidence, I truly appreciate it. -Heather
Hi Heather, here for the review tag!
This start to the chapter makes me feel like I'm waking up myself! And I like the point about no one thinking to check for the rest of Peter's body. There does some to be a few holes here and there in the Auror Department lol. I like the trait of balancing that you've added to Sirius-he isn't exactly positive, but it's not all negative. Probably something he had to do a lot as a kid, as well. And you also depict really well how long Sirius has had to stew about getting revenge on Peter. There isn't much else for him...
And then seeing the Weasleys in the paper...wow. Honestly, probably a lucky guess that Peter was the rat that Ron was holding. After all those years in Azkaban, it's a wonder he even remembered all those details. His obsession is definitely unstoppable, though. It's clear through the way he forces himself to go through the pain of the Dementors and the cold of the sea water. He is so singularly-minded, and I can't wait to see what he does after escaping!
This was a great first chapter, and I LOVE reading about Sirius in any and all capacity. Thanks for writing!
Catherine
Author's Response:Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're enjoying it :)
I like to think of the Ministry/Auror department as rather negligent, especially after You-Know-Who was gone. All they would want to do is move on. I hadn't really thought of the idea that Sirius would be like that as a kid! It makes total sense! I remember reading in HP 3 about Sirius recognizing Peter in the paper, he mentioned something like, "How many times he'd seen him transform" and then about his foot. I'm so glad you enjoyed it :) Thanks for reading! -Heather
Hi, Heather, I'm back! (Consider this a thank you review for the one you left me yesterday :P)
Well, you took me quite by surprise again... I was not expecting Mrs Figg to be in touch with Bathilda and to take Sirius in for the night... looks like quite a few people know that Sirius is innocent. I really believed at this point in time only Sirius and Peter knew (this is not a criticism, I'm just surprised... and honestly I'm glad that Sirius is finding some allies, he needs all the support he can get!)
I really liked the way you described the canon scenes from dog Sirius' pov, btw! ;) Oh, and that detail about him slapping Petunia's face so many years before made me chuckle! I can imagine how disgusted and terrified at the same time Petunia must've been, and it's kind of hilarious! :P
And then I also had to chuckle at the appearence of Aunt Marge... :P (am I a bad person?) It must've been a peculiar sight for Sirius... :P
But that moment when he saw Harry... :( I'm not surprised that he thought it was James at first, with the darkness and being blinded by the wand light for a moment, and how stressed and tired and confused he must've felt... and he felt guilty for scaring him... :( and the way he wanted to follow the bus... :( I'm so sad... :(
I'm so annoyed at the Ministry people... so typical that they would go knocking at Arabella's door and then not taking her seriously just because she's a Squib... umph... but anyway...
The bit about the ginger cat intrigued me, because it made me think immediately of Crookshanks... I suppose it can't be Crookshanks if it is one of Arabella's cats and Crookshanks should be at the Magical Menagerie at the moment... right? But I have a feeling this wasn't random...
I'm also wondering, is it a good idea for Sirius to go to Diagon Alley (assuming that's his plan?) It feels like an useless risk, even if he's altered his aspect... but if he wants to get to Peter, and also to get closer to Harry, it makes sense... but still, it's a big risk... :/
I'm very curious to see where this goes next! And yes, Sirius is very cute as a dog! :P I think you wrote his behaviour really well! ;) Very nice chapter! :)
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Haha, I think you're just as surprised as I am! There are parts of this story I've written years ago and parts that I feel like need to be part of the story that I'm filling in. It was fun to write about Mrs. Figg and Bathilda new each other. There are quite a few other charaters that we just know nothing about and could makes sense that they know each other. As of right now, I'm not entirely sure if Sirius gets to Diagon Alley or if I skip ahead in the timeline. No, Arabella's cat isn't Crookshanks, it's just a hint that he has an affinity with them that I think is cute and ironic. Yes, I thought adding the bit about the Ministry's treatment of Squibs was typical of them at the time. They didn't want to be there but had to because of protocol... :P Sirius thinking Harry was James was reminiscent of Harry thinking of his dad later on with the Dementors. The thought of Sirius just jumping on the bus tickled me even though it was sad he had to watch him leave.
Thanks so much for the review again!
-Heather
Hi, Heather.
I love what you are doing with this story. The scenes with Sirius as a dog are inspired. You cleverly think of all sorts of details about his brief soujourn with the fisherman's family, such as his thinking what James would say if he knew that dog-Sirius had had a bath with doggie shampoo, or his reaction to the mention of an appointment with the veterinarian, and a whole lot of other details.
Other authors have written about Sirius's escape from Azkaban by swimming the North Sea, but only you have thought of Sirius's almost drowning in the effort.
I like the description of how he got a wand and some money by confusing the man with the take-out burger, and how his wand skills are a little rusty after the years in Azkaban, and just all the details you think of to put us squarely inside Sirius's head, without wasting page space on unimportant details like what the inn looked like.
The scene in the town square and graveyard really brought back to mind the chapter in Deathly Hallows where Harry and Hermione are in Godric's Hollow and see the same things.
I had to re-read the scene in Bathilda Bagshot's house a few times in order to follow the reasoning and take it all in, but you wrote the conversation well. Bathilda's reasoning is logical. I am eager to see where you take this idea.
And I like the detail of her giving her wand to Sirius because, as she says, her magical powers are waning in her old age (as do a lot of abilities in one's old age), and he needs the wand much more than she does. The elements of your story all flow smoothly and logically, so there is never that jarring sensation of narrative that seems forced or random stuff happening just because the author needs it to happen and not because it follows reasonably from what came before. (That's kind of a convoluted sentence, but I hope it was still understandable.)
I have high hopes for this story. I'm guessing that it will turn out to be one of the better Sirius stories on this site!
Vicki
Author's Response:I'm so happy with your reviews! I have to say, one of my dreams is to someday get a "best story" award on the forums, not that I'm thinking that when I'm writing or anything, but it would be amazing. I've had this idea about Peter for a long time now and I wasn't expecting to unveil it this way, but it just flowed out. It excites me to no end that nothing felt forced or jarring and that I could "paint" a picture for you without so many details it could have been a chapter that dragged on. I'm truly surprised that no one else (that you've read anyway) thought he could have almost died escaping Hogwarts! So grateful for your reviews on this story, I'd love your thoughts on my Post Hogwarts story too "What Means Most" if you'd like to continue swapping. I'm on my way over to review yours, thank you so much!
Hello, Heather! Here for our swap! :D
Okay, well... regarding Peter... I have a LOT of headcanons regarding Peter, and... well... my ideas are a bit different, but I think blackmailing, and threatening his mum in particular, was definitely a part of his betrayal. I'm quite sure his mum was canonically a witch and that she survived the war (it's said that the Ministry gave her Peter's Order of Merlin and finger...) so I'm not sure if your theory works perfectly, and in my headcanon there was a malicious component in Peter's decision, too. Although not in the way Sirius sees it... my idea is that Peter was just very disillusioned and then the Death Eaters found him and threatened him and tortured him, and he succumbed because he thought everything was lost anyway and his own life was the only thing he could cling to... and his most bitter part didn't think his friends, who never took him seriously anyway, didn't deserve his sacrifice. But of course, this is just my idea. And I still can accept yours. (If you ever get around to write your version of Peter's story, I'd be very happy to read it. I love Peter!)
Sorry for the way too long digression above, btw... :P
I'm so glad he was rescued by a loving family! <3 And a little James! What a coincidence! Of course that's where the nickname Snuffles came from... I'm a bit sad thinking how sad little Jimmy will be the following day, waking up and not finding his dog anymore... but yeah, I can see how a visit to the vet wasn't a great prospect, poor Sirius... :P
I think you wrote his coming to senses really well, btw. The confusion, the waking up only to drift into sleep a few seconds later... and the smell of food... he must've been starving, the poor thing... I also really loved his display of affection, it was very cute! And all the resurfacing memories... it was all incredibly bittersweet! <3
It was a bit risky, turning back into a human and taking a room at a hotel in Godric's Hollow of all places... even if he did transfigure himself a little bit (but I doubt it was even close to enough...) Apparently it worked well enough, though. Or he just got lucky. Wow, it must've been so painful just being there, though...
The encounter with Bathilda was totally unexpected, but interesting. And also interesting that she had such a clear theory about what truly happened and that she'd figured out Sirius' innocence... I never considered that the Ministry must've rushed things because they needed an escape goat, but now that you put it that way, it makes so much sense, it's definitely very Ministry-like behaviour... and, well, Bathilda's explanation about Peter's behaviour... as I already said above not exactly my headcanon, but I'm glad someone could make Sirius see that there might've been deeper reasons to his betrayal, at least.
Oh, and now Sirius has Bathilda's wand! :O I did not see that one coming, but that's again an interesting turn of events. He did have a wand when he met Harry later, he must've got one somewhere... I like this idea... :P
Another lovely chapter! ;)
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:I was getting SO excited for your ideas on Peter. We must PM and chat in more detail about him. Right! The Ministry wouldn't have given her an Order of Merlin if she had been a Muggle, though he was still a Wizard, but they'd probably think she wouldn't appreciate it. I may have to edit it and say that she recieved the Order and then died that same week instead of the next day. I was NOT expecting him to run into Bathilda. When I originally wrote it, he was a dog the whole time and got the flowers from her garden for the grave, which I love and is very dog-like, but I thought this added an extra dimension so I can start hinting on my theories about Peter. I'm so glad you liked this chapter, I got sad too about the little boy, but it was necessary for Sirius to leave. I wanted to give him a parallel to Peter, considering just staying with a family. I also loved the idea that a little boy he met on the run gave him his nickname. So sweet. Thanks for the review! -Heather
Hey, Heather! :)
I told you I was curious about this fic, so here I am! :P
I think you did a very good job with this first chapter! You captured Sirius' mindset and the Azkaban experience really well in my opinion! I loved the little details, the counting of the days and how there's only that slight difference between day and night, the coldness, Sirius' thought process, how he tries to measure his thoughts to keep control... I loved that little "Constant vigilance" mention, as well as him entertaining himself by telling Bellatrix to shut up... I must admit, I'm even a bit surprised by how calculated his thoughts are, but he is a very strong willed person, so I'm not too surprised.
His thoughts about Remus and how he's never tried to visit, how he must believe him guilty... those were sad... and of course his rage towards Peter... I'm again a little surprised that he thought he would eventually escape way before he saw the famous newspaper article, but same reasoning as above :P
Speaking of the famous newspaper article... I loved the memories it brought up... I love the comparison of Fred and George to Fabian and Gideon and of Ginny to Lily. It's sad, but very effective! I also really love how Fabian and Gideon were inspiration to the Marauders. Considering the Marauders were in turn inspiration to Fred and George, is kinda poetic! <3 But how sad that it brought back the memory of their death, and that it could've been just as easily Sirius and Remus... so sad... :(
The one thing I was a bit confused by was the passage of time. It could've easily been all 1993, I don't know if you did it on purpose, because time in Azkaban doesn't really have any meaning, but I didn't quite get the jump forward... (as usual, you can just tell me to piss off :P)
I loved the actual escape, I loved the cautiousness and then the feeling of flying towards freedom when he finally jumped into the sea! But, wait... what happened there? Did he just lose his senses? I know he'll make it, eventually, but why do you have to make me worry??? Closing on a cliffhanger like that is quite rude, you know? :P
Great writing in this! Brilliant work! :D
Big snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi!
I'm so glad you loved it! At the time, I was writing this for a Decade Challenge, so it had to start a full 10 years before he died. Also, it showed his strength of character and how he had wanted to escape for a long time before he actually did. There needed to be a clear reason for him to do it though and he would know it when he knew it. I wasn't expecting there to be a cliff hanger, really! Sometimes you just write it and you know you have to. I'd always thought the Marauders were influenced by Gideon and Fabian, it always made sense to me. I think eventually I need to write at least a one shot of their influence. That could be adorable since it would make the Marauders only in their 1st and 2nd years.
I'm working on the 2nd chapter now, you won't have to wait too long! I'm taking my inspiration where I can these days, I'm just glad I have some!
Thanks so much for the lovely review, see you soon! -Heather
Hi, Heather!
I really enjoyed reading this opening chapter in your story about Sirius Black. Your writing style makes the story a pleasure to read.
Right away I noticed that you fill out each scene with lots of imaginative details that bring the scene into sharp focus. For example, in the opening scene, you mention the light levels within the prison that distinguish night and day. (Not every author would have thought of that.) The scratch marks that Sirius makes to keep track of the days serve not just to enrich the details of his existence in the prison cell, but they also start to reveal a feature of his character.
We know from JKR's books that Sirius was a tough customer, but you give us insight into how he achieved that: his mental discipline -- the self-control, mental focusing, avoidance of falling too far into anger or despair, the practice of being the master of his own thoughts and emotions -- similar to the intense focus needed to perform a transformation. (A clever thought, first to characterize Sirius with so much inner strength and then to link it to transformation.)
At the sudden change of topic to the image of Sirius studying the photograph, I had to stop for a moment and cudgel my brain to drag up from my memory the understanding of what this was, and then it clicked -- the newspaper article that Sirius had seen, the stray newspaper that Fudge had given to Sirius in Azkaban as a petty bit of kindness after he (Fudge) had finished reading it, never guessing that he was giving Sirius his ticket to freedom.
The paragraph of description where Sirius is studying the photograph, noticing all sorts of things about the people in the picture, is a good example of what you do, seeing all the possibilities in a scene (the twins remind Sirius of Gideon and Fabian, and that brings up further memories; he detects the little prank they play) and using them to expand the scene, bit by bit, and bring it further to life. And yet you have the judgment to use just enough detail to enrich the scenes without using so much that you slow the pace and blur the story line. A good balance, and not every author achieves it!
And I had to smile when I saw how you had Sirius in his doggish mode while he was studying the photograph so intensely, and of course if he wants his eyes to be close to the page, then his nose will get in the way and stick to the paper because that's how most dogs' faces are constructed. I get the feeling that you see these scenes in your mind's eye as you write them, and then of course you notice how his nose would stick to the paper, and you write it! :)
In PoA, Sirius says, "I knew him at once...how many times had I seen him transform?" But you express the thought more imaginatively: "...Sirius had seen Peter transform thousands of times and could pick him out of a lineup of dozens of other rats." I love the image that comes to mind --- a dozen rats lined up in a police lineup, and Sirius studying them carefully while the police detective says, "Mr. Black, do you see Peter Pettigrew among this group of rats?" (A bit of humor there.)
Your line "This was the sign he was looking for" is the dramatic signal that we are moving from Sirius' inner thoughts and self-preservation-in-Azkaban routine to the tense and exciting action scenes. And they were tense and exciting. In the past I have encountered other stories about Sirius' escape from Azkaban, and the reader always gets this triumphant feeling of "Yes! The good guy is winning!"
I like your line "...for a split second it felt like he was flying towards freedom until he splashed into the salty, bitterly cold sea." In just a few very well chosen words you have shown his two states of mind, first the flying towards freedom, and then, seconds later, the shock of the reality of the water of the North Sea.
And we end on a cliffhanger and will have to wait until the next chapter appears.
I had to smile widely upon reading your A/N. Yes, I can easily believe that the story used to be be a one-shot because that has happened to me ("Tiramisu" ended up as a novel). When I see how you expand and enrich each scene, I predict that it will end up much longer that your estimates; you will surprise even yourself.
A very good job. I hope the next chapter appears soon!
Vicki
Author's Response:I am literally one step short of bawling my eyes out. It's been a very long time since I wrote the first edition before getting to this point and to read how much you appreciate it as much as I do is beyond words. It's funny because I saw that you had revived the forum thread about special reviews, this HAS to go there! I'll get the next chapter out soon, thank you so much for the best review I've gotten in years! You're now one of my favorite people.
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