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Hi, Delaney! Here with a little review for your wishlist! Happy holidays! :D
I really like the idea behind this story. The Goblet of Fire year is a fascinating one to set a fic in, and I'm intrigued by this young woman who is Neville's half-sister... I'm really curious to see if/when/how they'll interact and how Neville will react to her. I'm sure it will be interesting! :D
I bet it must be so exciting for Michelle to be back at Hogwarts, and in such an occasion and role! Working as Ludo Bagman's assistant must be an exciting job to begin with (I mean, I'm not a sporty person, so I'm not sure it would be the job for me, but I can still imagine that it would be a fun one! :D) And of course, it must be so cool to be there for the Triwizard Tournament! And, well, Hogwarts is just spectacular in itself, and the food must be so good, so that's already a plus, right? :P You make it so clear that Michelle is very enthusiastic, if a bit awkward, at the idea of being back, and I can totally see why! ;)
Also interesting how she's found herself "paired up" with Percy... you're already creating this link to the Weasley family, and setting the bases for the Charlie romance, aren't you? :P I'm curious to see where that goes, as well! :P
And, of course, she's a Hufflepuff! :D We all love a good Hufflepuff character! And we all love a bit of glory for our house... can't blame her for being a bit annoyed at the Harry Potter's mishap, even if we all know that it wasn't poor Harry's fault... :/
Nice opening chapter! Happy holidays once again!
Snowball hug,
Chiara
I lost track of this story a while back, so when I saw you mentioned wanting reviews I decided to catch up on it. Obviously, I still have a way to go before I get to the end of it. There's a lot to like here, though, so thanks for reminding me to read the rest of it. I'm looking forward to how you unfold Michelle's relationships with her families - it's interesting to see Neville have a sibling, and I hope old Mrs. Longbottom comes around like she eventually did with Neville in Deathly Hallows. Her OC family shows promise, too.
I also like how you've worked in elements of the Hogwarts Mystery online game - I'd heard some people were using it for fanfic fodder, but this is the first time I've seen it.
One thing I saw in a couple of other reviews that I think would help - I think your story elements are strong enough to be told in a little more leisurely way. Sometimes it seems like I'm reading a newspaper report from a wire service - it's just the facts. I think if you loosen up a little you'll have more fun. That's my two cents' worth, anyway.
Hi! Here for our swap (:
I think it's funny that Michelle thought the task was boring. She makes a great point though because, yeah, it's true, how fun could've it been for the spectators? It was sweet to see them both open up towards each other through letters. Also, we learned how similiar they really are, caring about their siblings, and immediately thinking of them as "the person they'd miss the most." It's also nice how they're not being super flirty with each other, just getting to know each other, and geuninely being curious to find out more about one another.
Thank you for the swap <3
Love, Quilly.
hi delaney, i'm here for our review swap :]
i've seen you mention this story a few times so i was curious about it, and it has an intriguing premise. i like that you managed to weave michelle into the weasleys lives a little bit with her crush on charlie when they were at school, and even though she might've been an unexpected teenage pregnancy, her relationship with her mom seems pretty solid. i like that they're able to talk about things and the scene with them really highlighted their closeness and the fact that michelle's mom really loves her, which was nice
i'm curious about her relationship with percy - does she find him annoying because of what she knows about him, or does it run a little deeper than that? some context would be helpful although i do like how you set things up and leave us with questions at the start of the story, that's crafty storytelling and a good way to suck the reader right in
and the triwizard tournament is such an interesting time to be at hogwarts and gives a lot of potential to see michelle interact with the different characters and everyone. also, i was interested because she didn't seem to recognize harry's name, which makes her a bit different and i liked it - i wonder if this will be expanded on later? it's a really unique take and i'd be curious to see how it all came about
nice first chapter and thanks for the swap!
Hii I'm here for the second part of our swap <3
I wasn't expecting this change of format in the story but it fit in really well as we got to see the interactions between Charlie and Michelle in a way that felt authentic and true to where their relationship is at the moment.
I thought it was really sweet that Michelle made him a drawing. And Charlie's obviously very interested in her as well since he can'tseem to stop talking about her and prasing her.
I noticed that the letters seem to be one right after the other so that was a good, subtle way to show that they're both quite eager to write back and it tells a lot about how fond they're growing over one another.
Great job with the chapter!
Quilly
Hiii back for our swap <3
It was so nice to see Michelle catching up with Kirby. I've really been enjoying their friendship and how easily they get along. I could see how the two of them were a thing for a while because their dyanmics is just great.
And awe lol I was laughing at Michelle drooling over Charlie. I definitely don't blame her one bit. I cant' wait for there to be more moments with the two of them together!
Love, Quilly.
hey!
here for our swap. it's nice to be back at this story. i love the story so far, i think michelle is a fun one. i love how she looks at the world. i'm very interested to see the book from another pov. i love that you had some little details about the dragons having names which is cute. Emily is rather mean character, while i dont like violence but i think maybe michelle has good reason so i was cheering her on a bit! i love how cheeky charlie is, you do really well with his dialogue in particular and so far i've really enjoyed their chemistry so far. this development with kirley is very interesting and wonder how that's going to play out with her flirtation, with charlie, will charlie get a bit of jealously?? this story is really developing nicely and good pace so far. i would love to see a bit more neville but i think you're building to that soon. well done with this chapter <3
abbi xx
It was really nice to get some background on Kirley and Michelle's relationship. I really love that they were able to stay friends after having dated each other for so long. They both seemed to really care about each other and just be really supportive ofeach other still.
Kirley's definitely a really cool character. He's in a band and seems like a really solid, ground person, so I really enjoyed getting to know him a bit better here. Also, it was fun to see the Yule Ball from a brand new set of eyes.
Thank you for swapping with me!
<3 Quilly
Hi Delaney! Here for our review swap!
So many opportunities for miscommunications in the Wizarding World and you definitely point this out again as we see that letters go unanswered. It's not like wizards can just text one another and get a clear response or have an understanding of what's going on. I do like how you showed the limitations of Michelle getting to Romania. Portrays need licenses, she's not great on a broom (which might be interesting in future whenever she discovers how swell Charlie is on a broom), and Apparating isn't a great option for her either. I appreciate limitations within magic because I think it makes for a more interesting plot.
I thought the conversation between Michelle and Charlie went well. It was clear that as angry as he wanted to be with her, it was merely jealous and the gesture of her arriving spoke more than words ever could. I think their plan to be angry in front of other people is a humorous one. Though from Greg's reaction to nearly catching them, I don't know how successful they'll be hah. Anyway, that bit was cute and I am enjoying how they are together.
Another great chapter! Thank you for the swap opportunity!
<3 Courtney
Hi Delaney, here for review swap 2/2!
Ooh so Michelle is going to the wedding with Kirley! I do think you set up that scenario for Charlie to be jealous and upset very well. I would like to know why the press is after Michelle though. Is it because of her new position at the Ministry? I read it as such, but still, a few sentences describing that might have made it a little more clear.
I like though that Kirley seems to respect that they're merely friends. There's nothing more unappealing than a pushy guy who cannot take a hint. And since Michelle's made her feelings clear, he definitely has taken the hint, so I appreciate that approach to their dynamic.
I hope Charlie does respond to her letter soon!
Anyway, thank you for the swap opportunity!
<3 Courtney
Hi Delaney, here for part 1/2 of our review swap!
Wow, this chapter was really intense! There's quite a lot going on both with the Hogwarts timeline and with Michelle, personally. I think one thing you do really well in this chapter is show that Michelle also comes from a large family. It's blended and with that there can be added complications.
But the complications seem to be self made by the majority of her problematic family members. Like Aunt Angela is clearly a toxic person and you definitely show us that. Why Roy puts up with it is interesting, I'd like to understand that more. Not that it isn't valid, people totally put up with stuff that is unhealthy, not good for them, I guess I would just be curious to know why.
I liked Michelle's relationship with her cousins. That all seemed very sweet.
I'm curious what will happen with Michelle in her new position at the Ministry. I look forward to seeing how you explore that in more detail!
As always, a very interesting premise with characters I really care about. :)
<3 Courtney
Howdy howdy howdy!
I had to read back over the previous chapters since it's been awhile, but now that I have, I feel like this chapter provides a nice look into a more authentic Michelle (by which I mean who she is beyond her role/title). This interaction with Charlie doesn't feel forced and we get to see how despite the level/reason/type of mutual interest they have, there will still be a way for them to find to share it. Some of the exchange was also funny (Sparky :p). I'm not sure why they go to last names in that exchange, but I enjoyed it nevertheless.
Stepping back to Neville, while I did think it was a bit expository, I think it also shows that Michelle isn't going to just quit trying to connect. Neville still isn't exactly comfortable, given his short answers and not asking return questions, but she (probably also just being more mature) is still putting in the effort - and they connect in a couple of ways because of it.
All in all an enjoyable next step! Keep on keeping on and may the writing gods continue to bless your work.
Hi Delaney! Here for our swap!
I love that you've chosen letters for Michelle and Charlie to get to know one another. It's a very clever method of putting two people together who cannot necessarily be in the same country for a while. And the fact that their letters seem so laid back and relaxed and they talk about everything and anything...that's precisely what happens whenever you're in the "getting to know one another," phase in a relationship. I love that it was a combination of "light hearted," topics like "what's your favorite Quidditch team?" to them talking about their uncles who passed away and empathisizing with one another over that.
And the fact that Charlie's middle name is Septimus has me all GUSKNCJHDUJFNC! I love Septimus Weasley (if my AP wasn't obvious).
Anyway, another great chapter that shows the progression of this relationship! Thanks for the swap!
<3 Courtney
Hiii! I'm here for our swap <3
Oh my! Emily sounds horrible and of course she would be working with Rita Skeeter. I bet they both have a great time finding ways to be horrible to people. But oh Michelle didn't stay quiet about it, did she? Lol.
It was nice seeing Michelle's family. They seem like a lovely bunch. And it came with an an important reminder not to let sterotypes decide how we view people. Good for Michelle for recognizing that she shouldn't underestimate people based on their looks.
This was another wonderful chapter! I look forward to seeing even more of all these characters, especially Charlie ;P
Love, Quilly.
Hi Delaney! Here for part two of our swap!
I loved seeing more with Mary and Andy in this chapter. They're super sweet together and seem very close with Michelle. That definitely made me care a lot about them as a reader and it made the moment when the twins were born all the more heartwarming.
I love how shy Michelle is about her budding relationship with Charlie and how he's a little bit more daring about it. It was very clever to show their different reactions to people remarking on this epistolary relationship they've struck up. It shows us more about their characters and how they approach relationships in general.
Another great chapter!
<3 Courtney
Hiiii! I'm here for our swap <3
I really appreciate the fact that Melanie's trying to get Neville to feel better. I'm sure she feels like there's been a lot of lost time between them and she seems to be wanting to make up for it.
The bit with Charlie was so sweet! I loved Sparky and how friendly Charlie was with Michelle, showing her the dragon and what not. Michelle definitely sounded intrested and who can blame her? If I a met a cute guy with blue eyes and a dragon, I'd be very interested as well :P
I really enjoyed reading about Michelle's developing relationships with both her brother and Charlie. Can't wait to read more <3
Love, Quilly.
I sort of love how deadpan Michelle is about "it was boring to watch an empty lake for an hour." I mean, I totally agree! It would have made more sense for them to have the ability to watch the task unfold underwater, and you definitely point out this significant plot deficiency from the canon series in a dry, humorous sort of way.
I really enjoy them getting to know another through their letters. I also liked how it's very much an assessment of their magical skills and weaknesses. This seems to be a pretty prevelant concern throughout canon since people are always talking about this, so I felt like this back and forth between them, really made the story feel grounded in the series.
It's also cute how Charlie mentions Arthur's Muggle obsession and then Michelle tries to make a reference to Full House as a way to connect to this. :)
I'm enjoying their friendship and all the additional "behind the scenes/extra things," we're getting from canon in this story!
Great job with this!
<3 Courtney
Hii,
I'm here for a belated swap! Ooo this is such an interesting premise :D I'm excited to dig into this!
Barbara and Michelle seem to have such a friendly, nice vibe! I like how Michelle is quite fond of and attached to her family. The part where she fell asleep after drawing really resonated with me - I tend to do that haha!!
Her daily routine is very telling of the fact that she's an introvert. She enjoys reading, spending time at bookstores, and seems so comfortable being by herself!
Ooh I'm curious to know why Michelle didn't seem very familiar with Harry - she kept referring to him as if she didn't have an idea, but I thought Harry was quite well known by then? Or maybe no!
Lol Percy's reaction seems right on point haha! He never did think much highly of Harry.
Thank you for swapping :D I see that you have quite a bit of chapters up and I look forward to being back for the next chapters!
~XOXO Ysh
I think it's interesting that Michelle can't call Dumbledore by his first name either. It kind of ties back to the first chapter, when she doesn't want to call Ludo by his first name either.
I think you did good job showing how the initial meeting between herself and Neville was a bit awkward,as it was bound to be, and also of how quicklys he's becoming protective over him, not wanting him to be bulllied, etc. I wonder though, if their grandmother knows that they are meeting each other? Is that something that a meeting that Dumbledore had been given permission to allow or was he just doing his own thing as per usual? lol
This Kirley character seems interesting and it seems like they're quite close so I'm curious to see where that relationship is heading.
Another great chapter that filled us even more on background information! Thank you for the swap <3
Love, Quilly.
Hi Delaney! Here for our swap <3
I immediately curious about Michelle. I always love reading about characters who feel like they fit into the world that we already now and Michelle, who works under Bagma and is around during the Trizard Tournment, very much feels that way already.
I can't wait to find out more about her relationship with her half-brother. Does he know about her? I can't wait to see their relationship unfold.
Michelle has intersting dynamics with the people she works alongside with. She doesn't seem to like Percy very much but she's polite and nice enough to him. I'm not too sure about how she feels about Ludo. She doesn't want to call him by his first name, which is fine, but it seems like it's a convesation they've had several time before, and I wonder if there's more to it.
This was very interesting first chapter!
Love, Quilly.
Ooh an epistolary chapter!
I love how you chose this as a way for Michelle and Charlie to get to know one another better. She shares his interest for dragons, at least enough for them to find something in common to initially talk about. And then it sort of builds from there as they realize they both have parents working in the Ministry.
I like at the end whenever she asks him to call her Chelly. It definitely speaks to their growing bond.
Anyway, this was a nice interlude chapter. Totally necessary I think since as you point out, not much else is happening for Michelle at the moment. So you can tell she really depends on these letters as a way to keep herself occupied.
Thanks for the swap opportunity!
<3 Courtney
Hi Delaney, here for our swap!
I enjoyed learning more about Michelle's past through her conversations with Kirley and then again with Mary. I imagine her being at Hogwarts is drumming up a lot of memories and then interacting with these people she once was very close with probably adds to these feelings of nostalgia she's having.
The end was cute with Mary asking her to be the godmother of one of her children and also them giggling about Charlie Weasley.
I'm looking forward to seeing more of the Triwizard Tournament and how it all unfolds through Michelle's eyes.
Thanks again for the swap!
<3 Courtney
Hi Delaney! I enjoyed learning more about Michelle and Kirley's past. I thought the inclusion of the flashback after they saw one another again, years later, was nicely done. I'm curious about the circumstances of their break up as it seems they are healthy exes who are friendly with one another. I totally appreciate that representation, btw, and am glad you went that route.
How cool that Kirley's in a band too! That's not a profession I often see represented in fanfic, so I thought it was unique to see.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next! Thanks again for the swap!
<3 Courtney
Hi Delaney, here for our swap! Thanks again for allowing me to leave one on Frets and Flames...I really am enjoying this story a lot! :)
I really like that you chose to give the dragons names in this. It gives us as readers a deeper connection to them.
And yay, we get to see Charlie for the first time! Emily seems like a true and tried bully. I'm sort of glad she got what was coming to her.
The interactions with Michelle and her family were sweet. I like that she mentioned Fleur was the most creative with her approach to The First Task. I feel like the author did her character a disservice, so it's nice to see you acknowledging her skills in this story. :)
And I sort of get the feeling there is going to be this love triangle situation (maybe?) between Charlie and Michelle and Kirley...I don't know for sure though. But you definitely allude to the possibility there, what with her doing a drawing for Charlie (and also them having a heart to heart about their awkward Hogwarts days and bullies and crushes), but then there is this notable history with Kirley that you keep mentioning that Michelle seems fond of. Either way, I'm excited to see where you take this story next! I think you're also doing a great job weaving canon and non-canon events into the plot.
Thanks for the swap opportunity!
<3 Courtney
Hi Delaney! Here for our swap! :)
“I haven’t been your Headmaster for five years, Miss Turner. Please call me Albus.”
“I’ll try,” she said sitting down across from him.
I really loved Michelle's response here. I read it as a little bit cheeky because it does seem like a big deal to go from calling Dumbledore "Headmaster," to "Albus." And I felt like it was cheeky because she couldn't quite bring herself to just do it without comment. Anyway, I found it amusing.
I think it's interesting that Michelle refers to Augusta as "our gran," instead of "gran." I think it makes sense given how removed she's been from this part of the family. But her curiosity and longing to get to know Neville throughout her life is evident through the letters she wrote and consistently noting the names on the visitor's log.
I also find it believable that Augusta would try to keep Michelle a secret from Neville. She's a woman of propriety and Michelle's existence would likely tarnish this "golden boy," image I envision her having when it comes to Frank. So yeah. I think the way you make mention of these little things really lets onto the way the characters are.
I'm intrigued by this relationship or prior relationship with Kirley. It's definitely sweet what you tease here. I look forward to seeing what transpires there.
All in all, this is a good chapter. You definitely have a knack for dialogue and for alluding to characters motivations and how they operate.
Thanks for the swap opportunity!
<3 Courtney
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