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The opening line made me laugh. It’s so direct and punchy and dark. It immediately lets the reader know what kind of a story they are in. When the narrator reveals that they used to be a hero, that is a great twist. And it gives the opening line so much more weight. The narrator might be “evil” now, but they KNOW how bad heroes are because they used to be one.
And it sounds like the narrator has been through hell. Or rather was at peace, and is in hell now. Because they were brought back to life against their will.
The line about how they don’t have to be dead to rot was chilling. As was the end of the story where they don’t care who they hurt because they can’t feel anything anymore.
Very affecting piece!
Yours,
Noelle
Hey Jacquelin, here for a galazy review :)
The beginning of this story speaks volumes about how many of us want to view the world as black and white, where 'the good side' is wholeheartedly good and 'the bad side' are undoubtedly villains in every conceivable way. It's really hard for the majority of people to understand that bad vs bad and good vs good can also exist. Just like one person's terrorist is another person's freedom fighter. And when someone wholeheartedly believes in their version of events, they can have a tendency to foist their views upon others.
Just knowing or realising that 'evil' may not be evil as it was initially perceived and everything they once stood for is founded on lies they told themselves can be enough to make someone feel hollowed out and empty.
'That's the fairytale they sell us to keep us in line' Never have I believed in this more than I do during this present time.
Loved this powerfully-written and multilayered piece of writing. Thanks for sharing.
Meera <3
hi
here for the galazy reviewing event
i'm always so impressed by your writing, i think you write darkness in a way that no-one else does. it's always laced with such emotion. I really love how you start with talking about heroes, i know you like moral grey characters, i agree with you in media that heroes are kinda annoying. it's hard when someone is holding you high standards. I wasn't excepting the change in the character to come from their death.
that certainly gave the piece some new meaning, the character is so resentful of the partner that brought them back. like being at peace would be better for them. they fought and it wasn't enough but now have to go on like this?? this is state. it's really heartbreaking that they're just wandering with no meaning or purpose apart from being there for this person, who gave them something they didn't want. the vibes are this are just amazing. so raw, clever and emotional. love it.
abbi xx
Hi Jacque, here for the galazy!
I'm excited to jump into some of your original fiction :)
Wow I love this concept! It lowkey gives me Frankenstein's monster vibes, except if we knew the monster before it was the monster, if that makes sense. Like I feel like you capture the anger that a resurrected person would feel so well.
Especially knowing that the resurrector has turned to dark magic or dark something to do it. also, just because I can't separate you from Regulus, this reminds me of something a desperate Regulus might do for Mina. Or maybe Remus for Mina.
I like the way you talk about the idea of choice in this, and how a re-birth was never their choice. I want so much to know what happened between these people, and how they were pretending to be heroes. It seems like such a selfish thing from the resurrected's perspective, and I would also like to hear from the other speaker.
I'm so curious about your inspiration for this!
Thanks :)
Cat
Ooooooh this is fascinating and eerie and sinister. I love how it starts out with like -- the thing about heroes, and seeing things in black and white, but after such a wrong has been perpetrated on the narrator, now that they're in this state of suffering they can't escape from, now they're seeing things in a different way, now they're seeing the excuses and justifications they could never see before.
Also just, the whole concept, being brought back from the dead and it being a selfish act on the part of the person who did it -- because right, who knows what kind of "life" you're condemning that person to?
Such a creative and moody piece!
<3 Melanie
i read this in one breath, almost like the entire monologue was this vitriolic, hurtful thing the protagonist was saying and i love that you wrote it in a way that feels like that, if that makes sense? because it's so fitting for this person who is missing that core part of themselves that they used to have or they thought they used to have and now anger at what was done to them just seeps through in the writing and paints everything in this angry red colour on my mind and i love it.
i would like to know the backstory of this, like an expanded universe, but it also feels like it's super self-contained and tight and there’s not a word out of place or missing, it's just powerful in that way that also makes me want to think about these characters and what it all means to them.
i especially loved the line about not having to be a corpse to continue rotting, it just perfectly encapsulates the feelings the protagonist is experiencing. like,.they say they hardly feel anything but what they do feel, the anger at what was done to them and sortof disgust and disappointment at what the person who made them that way now thinks about them and doesn't trust them, those are pretty powerful!
kris / ss voyager
Hey Jacquelin!
I thought I would drop by and read a work by you as I realized that I probably haven’t done so yet. If I have then please refresh my memory as to which one I’ve done but pretty certain that I haven’t read and or reviewed anything by you. Oh, and also here for your wishlist for the Artic Adventure event so there’s also that! With that being said, onward to review, shall we?
I love that we start off with having no idea what’s happening apart from the narrator being upset with the hero of the story who decided to bring them back to life and that it was not the greatest of the decisions. I feel that in spite of not knowing who this narrator is at all with exception of the fact they’ve been revived by the hero, we can somewhat pick up from this happening they’re not content about this very fact and wanted to keep moving onto the afterlife which is great. I feel this is one of those stories where the narrator is not supposed to be expanded upon apart from what the author wants us readers to know or at least see in that sense. I will admit that I am curious about who the narrator is a person nonetheless in spite of it!
The concept of this story being the hero trying to revive somebody whom wants to be at peace with having moved on to the afterlife yet trying to revive them only to not give them that peace they’ll need but instead are stipped away and causing them to become upset by it is such a fascinating idea in all honesty! The way the narrator speaks in these sentences: “You chose this for me. You made me into this hollow existence. You took away my chance at peace and filled me with confusion and wrath and this perpetual knowing that something in me is missing.” is letting the readers know the hero who’s supposed to be the one saves the day in this instance, however, seems to be more of the opposite and instead makes it seem more like a villain or at least somehow paints them in that light which I find is so appealing in that we’re convinced the hero may not be a hero after all if that makes sense?
The choice the hero made even if they’re doing the right thing is not the right or good one. It feels as if it goes against the narrator’s wishes to be at peace in the afterlife and that’s not something one should be awakened from metaphorically speaking. I should mention that I read stories where most heroes lose somebody important and special to them who goes to the afterlife or they end up reviving that person who died and that person seems gracious and happy they’re alive and everything’s all peachy and dandy This story, however, seems to diminish the usual endings which makes it even more unique and engrossing to read!
Another thing I want to mention apart from the whole hero reviving the narrator aspect, is that we also get a sense of not just the narrator’s internal thoughts of how they feel about coming back to life but also instead of letting things be or go the way it’s supposed to go or whatever, they’re instead putting themselves in charge and honestly that’s such a great thing to do. Definitely cannot let somebody who forced you to be “alive” or in this afterlife that you ddin’t want get away with taking control of you. And maybe I’m getting into too much of the story to have said that. But seriously, I can feel their anger with how their peace was stripped away from them.
Oh, and let’s not forget this part: “I see it, you know? The way you look at me now. The distrust and suspicion in the corners of your eyes. You’re wondering what I’m capable of. Ready to toss me aside now that you know I don’t have to be a corpse to continue rotting.” This part in particular was devastatingly wonderful. I found myself feeling quite awful for the narrator with going to have no say in the decision that was made for them and then having to come back to the hero who now views them with distrust and scorn instead of realizing what they did was wrong in this scenario. Honestly I’m all for sympathizing for the hero who lost somebody yet this one makes me instead root for the narrator and forging their own path.
Since you mentioned the title is from Taylor Swift’s song: Look What You Made Me Do, I just want to say that while I’m not a huge Swiftie but love this song, do feel that song title is also very fitting for the title of this original fiction! Honestly this was well written and immensely enjoyed reading it! Hoping to read more of your work eventually! Amazing job!
-Diana/Di
hi hello, um wtf??? so im gonna need at least a short story expanding on this because i need to know everything?!?!?! like what an amazing start to a story, gets me hooked and then says "the end." like what?!?!?!?!
jacque please write more of this, because i need your dark and angsty stories so much
lo <3
Author's Response:Ahhhh!!! Thanks for the encouragement Lo <3
This idea had been rattling around my head for ages and it took such an effort just to write 500 words of it XD Hopefully I can find my muse again and write an actual narrative with this :D
- Jacquelin
hi jacquelin!! i'm here to judge my challenge - thanks so much for entering ♥
ooh. i really like the way you took this prompt and twisted into something i haven't read before. a lot of the time, we're sympathetic to the hero, the ones with the broken hearts and the ones are willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to have the person they love back
but i can completely see how the person - the narrator, at least, in this case - not want to come back, to have made their peace with their death, and then be angry at the other person for being selfish enough to bring them back. now they're stuck in this afterlife they didn't want, but they're taking it into their control, and i kind of love that. rather than being a victim, they're doing whatever they want, but it's not even necessarily malicious intent, either
and your last line, jacquelin??? :chefskiss: it gave me chills and i muttered 'well damn' to myself after reading it
this was so much fun to read - thanks again for entering my challenge!! ♥
Author's Response:Thank you for hosting such a fun challenge! This idea had seriously been in my head for months and it gave me the kick in the ass to put it on paper.
- Jacquelin
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