Name: dreamshadow (Signed) · Date: 28 Jan 2022 06:44 PM · For: Almost

kevin! here with for our review swap :]


the amount of angst in this piece is incredible, but as always, you do such a great job of tugging at our heartstrings. being the third wheel or the unrequited side of a love triangle is the worst, and i really feel for the narrator of this, having to watch ash be with arianna and watching how he kind of shines around her. it's almost like they know arianna is the better choice and they don't want to stamp on their happiness - but that doesn't make it any less heartbreaking to watch them


i thought one of the more powerful parts of this was when you had ash show up in the ads, in the background but still there. now he's a constant presence in arianna's life, even doing shows with him and of course people are excited to see them together. watching from the sidelines hurts, and i just wanted to give the narrator a hug the whole time. they deserve someone who will see their worth


"i was always an almost" KEVIN WHY DO YOU HAVE TO COME AT ME LIKE THIS, UGH. that's an incredible line - way too relatable, like the rest of the emotions in this piece. and despite not being familiar with the fandom, it didin't really hinder my ability to read this and focus more on the main story of what was happening. i also loved that little bit of mystery as to why ash built his gym where he did, and it made me think that it has something to do with the narrator's feeling for him - or, alternatively, his feelings for the narrator, which makes me go :shifty eyes: - and that's why no one really knows the answer or, at least, wants to disclose it


this was such a great - but heartbreaking - story. it's so nice to read your writing again, and i absolutely loved the opening paragraphs because it really drew me in to the heart of the story

excellent job, dear; thanks for the swap ♥

Name: PinsandKneazles (Signed) · Date: 28 Jan 2022 10:35 AM · For: Almost

Hey Kevin, here for our swap! 

 

The opening description to this story is beautiful and ethereal, and contrasts sharply with the narrator's amusing, rather self deprecating description of themselves as someone who 'merely balanced a system'. I wondered whether the narrator was putting this 'queen' on a pedestal through envy or idolisation, or whether they were simply stating facts in a flamboyant way. Either way, I was intrigued and keen to read on.

 

Ahhh - is this 'queen' a potential love rival? Perhaps they are the partner of someone the narrator has eyes for? Or someone the narrator let slip through their fingers a long time ago and has been living in regret ever since? 

 

Did Ash lie about the reasons he chose that specific location, or was he telling the truth, and our narrator is reading more into his choice than they should? I appreciated the background information of gym systems and Ash's aims when he set up his own gym, and also why he chose to train rather than defend his title. * As an aside, this story is a kind of spoiler as I watched the first two series of pokemon about twenty years ago, featuring Ash, Brock and Misty!! But not to worry ;) *

 

So, Ash is with Arianna, or has a thing for Arianna, and I'm guessing this was what Clemont was alluding to when the narrator asked him why Ash set up his gym in that particular location, and Clemont responds with 'you really don't know?" And then again, when they ask why Ash is in adverts for the show case and get the response of "you really don't know" followed by the news that Ash is working with Arianna on a new performance inspired by the narrator (ouch!!) and a description of how fantastic the choreography must be and how hard they must have worked together...that's such a kick in the teeth for this poor person and the last thing they must want to hear...and the performance is indeed sensational :/ 

 

And it doesn't get any happier. To know that her shyness lost out to Aria's confidence. To know that they are both very happy together. And she baked for him, and whilst he's appreciative of her cooking, it doesn't change the fact that he's not hers...and judging by the chemistry between Ash and Aria, nothing's going to alter any time soon.

 

This is such a heart-rending piece. I eally felt Serena's sense of futility, the unfavourable comparisons between herself and Aria, her sense of loss and regret at not acting sooner. I would love to know what Ash's perspective is here. Great job!

 

Meera <3

 

 

Name: Hawksquill (Signed) · Date: 24 Jan 2021 08:22 PM · For: Almost

Well first of all what a GORGEOUS first paragraph.  I was instantly pulled in. I don't know very much about Pokemon to be honest but you do a great job of giving enough context for the fandom blind like me.  And regardless of fandom, the emotions come through so strongly.  The bits about seeing Ash in the picture tore at my heartstrings!

"I was always almost" what a line.  And the last paragraph, using the still-burning embers as a metaphor for the torch she still carries for Ash.  Just beautiful prose, well done and thanks for posting!


**review left for the winter in fairyland event**