Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2021 05:16 AM · For: Chapter 7: Sorting

Hi, KJ!  (for the Burning Bridge)

 

The Sorting Ceremony in this chapter was the usual flurry of names and the attempt to keep everybody straight in one's mind.  I can see the Gryffindors' having a "Wolfie" chant for Teddy Lupin that sounded like dogs barking.  So rowdy and Gryffindor-ish.  You have stipulated that the entire entering class is still smaller that normal, though not so reduced as last year's class.  This will make a difference in later years when these little classes become the older students in the school.  Not many students to choose from for positions of authority or even for Quidditch teams.

 

I think you accidentally left Alma's name out of the list of how many new students each prefect got.  She would have received three (by a process of elimination).

 

I like how Morwena "steals a trick from Tess" to make the new Slytherin girls bond to her.  Morwena's not above grabbing onto a technique that works; she's interested in the ends, not the means, but she would never admit it to Tess.

 

The speech and the apologies on the train during the Reconciliation process were all very well and good, but now Morwena's catty remarks about Sadie in the final scene of this chapter, "After all these years she was still quite afraid of me.  Cowed, in fact," are the antithesis of prefect solidarity.  The she praises Liam's attractiveness, "He really is quite dashing now," in order to bug Vanessa.  Morwena really knows how to push buttons.

 

So far no one but Reginald Dennison and Jason Carter have any inkling what the prevailing threat is going to be, this year.  *Cue the scary music*  Cyrus Kane was one thing, but Reginald is a whole new level of threat.

 

Waiting for the trouble to start.

 

Vicki

Author's Response:

I forgot about Alma's kids! There was so many kids here that I don't have any plans for. I have some future plans for Marie Claire and for Fiona, but that's about it at this point.

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2021 04:27 AM · For: Chapter 6: Reconciliation of the Prefects

Hi, KJ!  (For the Burning Bridge)

 

Everyone is coming throught the barrier to Platform 9 3/4 as the hour of 11:00 a.m. approaches.  Liam impresses his friends by being able to recognize and name the famous War Heroes, so it's cute when Patrick expands on the idea and declares, "They're old chums."

 

Another fun line.  Vanessa: "I heard there was quite an uproar in Ravenclaw when they heard Thompson would be prefect.  Addlesson was furious."  I'll bet.  Kind of like what I expected; couldn't happen to a more deserving person.  :)

 

And another line: "There could be Hufflepuffs in this crowd saying, 'Look, there's Hannah Abbott.' "

 

The Reconciliation process of the new prefects was an original concept and also a good idea for you.  I can see how it would be not only useful but necessary, so that the prefects could work together as a group without barriers of House affiliations.  

 

In general, your writing is noteworthy for the way in which you create the structure and detail of how this wizarding society works, the detailed architecture and customs of Slytherin House, the details of what arithmancy actually is, practical customs large and small, such as the Reconciliation process, the architecture and functioning of the administrative offices in the School, right off the entrance hall, even the details of the court hearing about the final ownership of the Dragon Wand.  It all creates a solid, informative structure out of what was oringinally much more vague, with many parts simply missing.

 

All of this makes your stories a pleasure to read.  Good work!

 

Vicki

Author's Response:

I had what I knew was a great line, Neville teasing his wife that she would be caught up in the hero worship with him and Harry. However, I didn't want to switch POV just for a couple lines. I wanted Liam to overhear the conversation without obviously eavesdropping. It took some thinking to set that scene up just right.

 

In June of 2010, I started working in the blank areas of Rowlings' canvass, trying my best to match up my ideas with what was already there. I do my best not to contradict anything that's in the text, but in those blank spaces, I feel a great deal of freedom to create and innovate. I'm so glad to find a reader who appreciates my approach.

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2021 03:41 AM · For: Chapter 5: A Phone Call from Sadie

Hi, KJ!  (For the Burning Bridge)

 

This was a heartwarming telephone call between Liam and Sadie because she does sound happy and relaxed, and I'm glad that things are turning out well for her.  What a nice surprise that she was named prefect, especially after Calliope had been aiming at that job for so long and probably thought she had it in the bag.  Humiliating.  Let's see how she takes the loss.

 

A good line by Sadie: "This is a cottage industry for Slytherins, guessing who will earn what title."  I smiled at that.  It probably kind of describes Ravenclaws too.

 

All in all, a lovely, chatty call that covered a lot of bases.  The Fifth Year students are all getting more mature, aren't they?  The middle-school temporary insanity is fading away, and they are emerging on the other side into adulthood.

 

I liked the scenes of Liam and Patrick getting ready to go back to school.  A good line: "This is how it's going to be all year, isn't it?" said Patrick morosely.  "Prefect Wren bossing everyone around, and me especially."  Now they go to the train station by themselves, without their mother, and Liam, the prefect, helps a clueless First Year learn how to pass through the barrier.  Liam is changing and growing.

 

Nice job.

 

Vicki

Author's Response:

I really wanted a reconcilliation between Liam and Sadie, and I thought a phone call was the way to go. Suddenly, the premise was obvious. 

 

There are some other students who are not looking forward to getting bossed around by Prefect Wren. Stay tuned!

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2021 03:13 AM · For: Chapter 4: The Boy in the Lakewood Jumper

Him KJ!  (For the Burning Brifge)

 

I loved the change of scenery.  There's not a lot of "action" (in the usual sense of the word) in this chapter, no wizard duels, but just the totally new environment -- the beach, the ocean, the Ferris wheel, the other amusements, the souvenir shops and fast-food restaurants, the crowds of tourists -- constitutes a kind of action, against which we see Liam pondering continuously about the girls in his life, past and present, and all the differences between them, and what he appreciates about each one.

 

Interesting that Liam still feels such longing for Elena, his lost love, to the point of searching in crowds for a girl who looks like her.  You probably know whether they will meet again someday.

 

Also interesting is the automatic assumption that two boys together, such as Umberto and Westley, are gay.  Why not automatically assume that they're just pals, or, as the Brits might say, mates?  (I hope that readers did not assume that Martin and Tom in Tiramisu were gay.  I meant them to be like brothers.)

 

So Liam gets his prefect pin.  Not a big surprise there, although he was a bit clueless about the "pin" that Vanessa and Umberto were talking about, which suggests that he did not obsess about the possibility the way some other people I could mention did.  I'm eager to know who his partner will be.

 

I'm enjoying this story very much.  It seems to me that your writing is getting better and better, the more you write on this series.

 

Vicki

Author's Response:

Thanks so much! I've been writing these stories for almost ten years now. I feel that I'm getting better, too.

Westley signals that he is gay with his clothes, makeup and earring. Seeing Umberto with this boy makes some things click in Liam's head. He understands immediately that Umberto is gay, too. Clues that he has overlooked through the years, because it really wasn't important or significant to him, are suddenly clear. 

Umberto and Gordon are mates. So are Liam and Mike. The dynamic between Westley and Umberto was clearly different, and the Wren brothers picked up on it.

 

I wondered about Martin and Tom, too, by the way. That's the way my mind works. I tell love stories. 

 

Fondly,

 

KJ

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2021 02:26 AM · For: Chapter 3: A Flash of Retribution

Hi, KJ!  (For the Burning Bridge)

Interesting discussion of the slumber party -- the jockeying, the judgments, the unspoken fashion show of nightwear.  It sounds exactly like middle-school girls, AKA the low point of human development.  I don't think there's an adult female anywhere who would want to go back to that era.  You have them pegged well.

 

Alyssa is certainly skirting close to the edge.  I'm glad that Bell, who seems to be perceptive about what the Slytherins are doing, put a stop to the one-up-man-ship of 'saying good night to Ben.'

 

Alyssa is certainly acting like a big flirt, flaunting herself.  Is this a quality of Slytherin girls?  Alyssa and Vanessa both are willing to behave this way.  Perhaps it stems from being raised in a Slytherin-like atmosphere that promotes male superiority, and the girls are taught that their value consists only of their sexuality, an old-fashioned notion, but Slytherins can be old-fashioned.

 

And Ben is ga-ga about her just because she is beautiful.  He says, speaking of Freya, "I like Freya.  I really do.  She's smart and witty.  Get her by herself and she has a lot to say."  Doesn't he hear what he's saying?  No, he just falls all over himself for the blonde curls.  Men!

Author's Response:

There is something off with Vanessa, the way she craves the attention of boys, any boy, every boy. I see the other girls, like Alyssa and Tess, taking baby steps with their sexuality. I don't want to punish or shame them for it. In Alyssa's case, it goes a step too far, and she ends up embarrassed. Alyssa may have had Vanessa in mind when she put on that nightgown and paraded in front of Ben, but she was in a safe environment with the safest of boys. In contrast, Vanessa doesn't seem to understand why she can't wear a sheer dress to the Winter Ball. 

Thanks again for reading. I have to get back to Tiramasu now!

 

KJ

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2021 01:46 AM · For: Chapter 2: Slumber Parties

Hi, KJ!  (For the Burning Bridge)

 

Thanks for the end note explaining that the hobbit names have simply been acquired by the present human inhabitants of the region around Tookborough.  It clears up a bit of confusion in my mind!

 

Poor Aidan.  Gillian is going to be a challenge with her telepathic capabilities.  If he doesn't learn Occlumency (and how will he do that?  Out of a textbook like Reginald?), none of his secrets will be safe.  She knows Liam likes her as a friend, but does she still think of Vanessa as Liam's girlfriend?

 

So Morwena won the prefect job.  That's nice for her because she has had her heart set on it.  Now she can stop worrying about jockeying to get the job and start worrying about actually doing it.  It's more than just glory and prestige, but I'm sure she's up to it.

 

Bell's birthday party sounds like such fun -- horseback riding and then swimming.  The whole episode about Freya's reaction to skinny-dipping was so cute.  She seemed genuinely scandalized by it, but that certainly worked out in her favor, didn't it?  The one thing she wanted most of all -- one-on-one time with Ben.  Finally, a chance for her to let him get to know her.  Of course he's stil smitten with Alyssa, but now Freya at least has a foot in the door.  She's playing her cards well, and Alyssa knows it.  Clever plotting!

Author's Response:

The slumber party scene was so much fun to write. Ben's relationship with Alyssa, Freya and Meriko grows more elaborate as we go along. We are working our way to a serious conflagration  between Alyssa and Freya, but it will take a while to get there. Glad you approved of me appropriating Hobbit names. There are so many names I'm responsible for in these books. I take them where I can get them.

 

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 03 Feb 2021 01:07 AM · For: Chapter 1: Theft of the Forbidden Book

Hi, KJ!  (For The Burning Bridge)

 

In case you're wondering why I'm working on this story now, be assured that I have already read all of The Prophecies of Lara Guishar, but for logistical reasons involving the Winter Review Event,  I need to post reviews for this story now and that story afterwards.  Now back to my review for this chapter.

 

Wow, KJ, this is a tense chapter.  Reginald's scheming is impressive, his caper is risky, and his mindset is scary.  Before now, he just bragged about being the Dark Lord Mahglin someday, but now he's actually taking steps in that direction, and he's proving to be frighteningly competent.  I doubt that arithmancy is easy either to undersatnd or to self-teach, but his detemination is unstoppable, unfortunately for the rest of the world.  And as usual I love your description of how arithmancy actually works.

 

I was impressed by his dogged persistence, trying to replicate the cracked spine of the original book in the replacement volume, repairing the replacement book over and over until he got the new crack to match the old one.

 

So, once having achieved some success in his first steps with Dark Magic, Reginald shows it off to Jason, who is sickened at the sight of the dead squirrel, stiff with rigor mortis, but later relaxes, unable to believe that Reginald would ever use these curses on people.  There is no doubt that Jason is mistaken.  But somehow i don't think that Reginald will travel as far aong the road of darkness as Tom Riddle did.  The Second Wizaarding War is still fresh in people's minds, and maybe they will be quicker to pick up on signs of trouble.  We'll see.

 

Some questions.  Is it legal for Reginald's father to even possess such a book?  What made Reginald desire to become a Dark Lord in the first place?  How has his upbringing brought him to this place?

 

Needless to say, I'm enjoying this story.

 

Vicki

 

 

Author's Response:

Vicki,

 

Glad to hear you have read Prophecies already! Yes, this is a scary chapter. Everyone is underestimating what Reginald is capable of except Lara, Aiden and Ben. There will be a moment later on when Reginald's father explains why he has these books and the measures he has taken to secure them. To give a quick answer now: Dark Magic stuff is dangerous to destroy. Ministry keeps a record of who has what and what protective measures are in place. The Dennisons have some, as do the Ashfelds, Rhiannon's relatives.

 

Thanks always!

KJ

Author's Response:

Vicki,

 

Glad to hear you have read Prophecies already! Yes, this is a scary chapter. Everyone is underestimating what Reginald is capable of except Lara, Aiden and Ben. There will be a moment later on when Reginald's father explains why he has these books and the measures he has taken to secure them. To give a quick answer now: Dark Magic stuff is dangerous to destroy. Ministry keeps a record of who has what and what protective measures are in place. The Dennisons have some, as do the Ashfelds, Rhiannon's relatives.

 

Thanks always!

KJ