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Hi, KJ.
Another engrossing chapter that brings to memory the earlier judicial hearing in this room years ago concerning the ownership of the Dragon Wand. But today's topic seems more serious, in the sense of a crime's being committed.
Your characters are well drawn. Mrs. Dennison is overprotective and Mr. Dennison in in denial/avoidance. Reginald senses that he is skirting pretty close to the line, but the case is not pursued as fully as it could have been (no one proposes going to the Dennisons' house and seeing whether the book is actually in the bookcase or if there is evidence that the bookcase has recently been opened). The judge relies on precedent, making reference to Harry Potter's use of the Sectumsempra Curse in the past, and no one addresses the question of how in the world Reginald would have learned how to perform the Frigidity Curse if he hadn't ever read the book.
This is all serious stuff, and your writing style refects that fact. The thoughts are expressed more fully, more developed. You dwell on the individual concepts and points a little more strongly. The scene is richer, more detailed.
Too bad we have to wait until 2022 to hear the continuation of this story. Your hints in your End Notes are full of promise for an excellent reading experience.
Yours, Vicki
Author's Response:Vicki,
Thanks again for the detailed analysis. I always enjoy reading your comments. I'm sorry to make you wait for new chapters. It probably hurts me, in terms of this site, that I disappear for months at a time to work on other things. But those other things, novels like Every Time You Speak You Break My Heart, and my current WIP, Memories Letters and Mixtapes, call out to be written and to find their audience. Ultimately, I feel that taking these little breaks keeps things fresh. When I do return to Curse of Mahglin, it will be with renewed vigor. I think you will find it worth the wait.
Fondly,
KJ
Hi, KJ.
Well. This is different from your previous chapters with their masterful descriptions of Quidditch games. And yet it's an outgrowth of the Quidditch games, a celebration that got way out of hand and turned into a riot, affording an opportunity for Reginald Dennison to put his detestable plan into operation.
It is significant that the focus of the deadly cold that would have killed Gillian if not stopped in time was her sexual organs. So much misogyny is directed, not just against women, but more specifically against women's sexuality, as if the misogynists feel threatened by what they perceive as women's sexual power. I wonder if Dennison is aware of this? Why else would he want to use these women-hating spells? Just to make people in general be afraid of him?
Liam seems to be thrust by fate into the role of hero/protector/savior on mulltiple occasions, beginning when he saved Lara from the acromantula, solved the mystery of the Dragon Wand, rescued Elena from the spell that turned her into a cat, rehabilitated the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, and now saved Gillian from a freezing death. (And I'm probably leaving some other accomplishments out.)
Yet I don't think that it's simply that these opportunities present themselves to him more than they do to other people. I think it's more a matter of his responding to these events in a more competent, pro-active way than some other people would have done in the same situation.
Too bad that the school administrators don't seem to have an effective way to handle the threat of Dennison's black-hearted plans. Detentions and talkings-to are not going to have the slightest effect on this boy. The administrators are correct to conclude that Dennison has gotten his hands on a book of Dark curses, but they need to follow up much more forcefully after a simple ransacking of Dennison's dormitory room does not turn up the book in the usual sorts of hiding places. Are they really taking this threat as seriously as they should?
I liked the scene with Liam and Gillian in the Hospital Wing. The conversations flowed very smoothly and naturally. You have the knack for writing different kinds of scenes, none of them awkward or stilted, and all of them contributing to the development of your characters. We authors are fortunate to have the opportunity to write about characters who are growing up, because there is so much scope for change and development in them, if we only take advantage of it.
Nice job, as usual. :)
Vicki
Author's Response:This scene was in my head for a very long time. It was one that I would rehearse repeatedly. It was great to finally reach the spot in the story and tell it.
In my preparation, I was pondering what a book of Dark Magic spells would contain. What would be truly an expression of evil? It can't just be the infliction of pain, but it's cruelty in a manner that is truly repulsive. Misogyny is the evil I've chosen to fight. I want to show that violence against women is repugnant while not reveling in it and relishing it the way horror and revenge movies do.
Is Dennison as much of a misogynist as the authors of Wicked Vengeance were? He's getting there, but he's still very young. Something I will explore in Part 2: Dennison realizing that his curse failed in part because he did not truly hate Gillian. The curse was intended to wreak destruction upon a woman who rejects a man's advances (thus earning the distasteful term, 'frigid'.) There was no such dynamic between Reginald and Gillian. Instead of learning from the error of his ways, of course, he will be emboldened to greater evil, and his next victim will be someone that he truly does despise, and the second curse will be more potent because of that.
Liam, meanwhile, is the hero because he runs towards trouble. Lara is very much the hero here, too. She saves Gillian, using Liam's heat spell, knowing that this will only deepen the romantic attraction between Liam and Jill, thus delaying for another year or so her own relationship with Liam. Lara does what needs to be done without concern for her own emotional or physical needs.
Love is the stronger power still.
Thanks always for writing great notes!
Fondly,
KJ
Author's Response:This scene was in my head for a very long time. It was one that I would rehearse repeatedly. It was great to finally reach the spot in the story and tell it.
In my preparation, I was pondering what a book of Dark Magic spells would contain. What would be truly an expression of evil? It can't just be the infliction of pain, but it's cruelty in a manner that is truly repulsive. Misogyny is the evil I've chosen to fight. I want to show that violence against women is repugnant while not reveling in it and relishing it the way horror and revenge movies do.
Is Dennison as much of a misogynist as the authors of Wicked Vengeance were? He's getting there, but he's still very young. Something I will explore in Part 2: Dennison realizing that his curse failed in part because he did not truly hate Gillian. The curse was intended to wreak destruction upon a woman who rejects a man's advances (thus earning the distasteful term, 'frigid'.) There was no such dynamic between Reginald and Gillian. Instead of learning from the error of his ways, of course, he will be emboldened to greater evil, and his next victim will be someone that he truly does despise, and the second curse will be more potent because of that.
Liam, meanwhile, is the hero because he runs towards trouble. Lara is very much the hero here, too. She saves Gillian, using Liam's heat spell, knowing that this will only deepen the romantic attraction between Liam and Jill, thus delaying for another year or so her own relationship with Liam. Lara does what needs to be done without concern for her own emotional or physical needs.
Love is the stronger power still.
Thanks always for writing great notes!
Fondly,
KJ
Another great chapter! The opening section about the process of selecting N.E.W.T. courses for the upcoming year was just full of information, so it was rewarding to read. In general, I like material that describes how the school functions, the customs and processes and procedures, and your work has always been strong in this regard. The school is an organization, a system, with all its internal machinery, and it's very gratifying to see your explanations of how it functions. There is so much background information here; your imagination is admirable.
And both of your Quidditch games were so well thought out and organized that again it was a treat to read them. But I'm afraid you have spoiled me for reading and enjoying Quidditch games written by any other author!
"The Eagles made strong, hard throws, but they were textbook, overhand shots." That's a great observation; the Ravenclaws would naturally go for the textbook style of playing because it's their nature to go by the book instead of being inventive like the other teams. There are some times when you can't rely just on the book.
There are lots of other points in this chapter I could mention -- Liam's conversation with Gillilan after the game, Paul Hewson's remarks with Rhiannon, the crucial moments (not just the action but also the thoughts) when Anita and Alma vied for the Snitch -- but I will just say that the chapter is studded throughout with little gems. There are so many telling moments, and you hit them all.
Good job!
Author's Response:I always love reading your reviews.
As for the school admin stuff: I can take the time to go into those details because my characters are not caught up in a war with a Dark Lord. My whole focus is their lives at school.
One of the key details I had to remember was getting Jill into a skirt after the game. If she was in trousers, the next scene would have been much more difficult. The next two chapters are the big ones. I look forward to your reactions!
KJ
A great chapter, KJ! Compared with other descriptions of Quidditch games, your account is a real winner, for many reasons.
You have plot threads from the previous chapters of the story woven into the account of the game and the hours before it, so that the game is not just a stand-alone event but is intimately tied to what has gone before in the lives of these kids. That gives the game more depth. An example: Marty Remington's well-wishing to Liam in the Hufflepuff common room before the game shows a lot of class, even though Marty had not been successful as Captain.
The play-by-play of the game is very easy to follow, partly because it clearly shows the Badgers' well-planned strategy, a carefully engineered plan that works as it was designed to do. (Some Quidditch game accounts are just a bunch of random motions, not nearly so interesting as a logical plan well executed.)
I can see at the end that the Slytherins really had their noses out of joint, but the Badgers were gracious in winning, not gloating, as befits a House that does have class.
All in all, a chapter that was a joy to read.
Author's Response:I'm glad you enjoyed these chapters so. Sportsmanship is so important to me. I wanted to give Marty a chance to redeem himself. The Slytherins can be poor sports, but Rhiannon is so appreciative of the respect that she gets from Liam. She will always stay around to shake hands.
Author's Response:I'm glad you enjoyed these chapters so. Sportsmanship is so important to me. I wanted to give Marty a chance to redeem himself. The Slytherins can be poor sports, but Rhiannon is so appreciative of the respect that she gets from Liam. She will always stay around to shake hands.
HI, KJ.
Wow! You know how to make routine Quidditch chapters pretty dramatic. This is head-and-shoulders above the usual Quidditch chapters that one reads because it is about character, not just about Quidditch maneuvers. And your skill with details and scene development shines through. Good foreshadowing of this crisis situation in your earlier chapter of this bunch of four chapters.
I look forward eagerly to your next batch of chapters.
Vicki
Author's Response:Vicki,
There's more Quidditch upcoming. There's so much drama and tension inherent in sports. I have plenty to tap into when telling these stories.
I enjoy reading all of your reviews. The pay-off for all this foreshadowing is coming up, as I close out Part 1 in the next batch. Stay tuned!
Fondly,
KJ
Hi, KJ.
Another enjoyable chapter with your knack for making every scene come to life. I appreciate seeing glimpses of the test-taking experiences of several students, not just Liam. Your description of the sudden appearance of the dryad episode reminded me of the sudden appearance in 'Tiramisu' of the episode where Martin had to pay a bribe to get his pet fox onto the ship in Edinburgh; it just popped up automatically as an event that had to occur.
Perhaps the less stressful atmosphere of these O.W.L. exams, compared to those of 1996, is owed to the absence of the threat of the Second Wizarding War in 2010. So much has changed in the intervening years.
And I'm glad that the Astronomy practical exam did not involve looking for the constellation of Orion or the planet Venus in the midnight sky of either May or June, as was apparently done during Harry's O.W.L. exam in 1996, since those celestial sights are not visible during those times (which must have added to Harry's stress during his O.W.L.s, but we read in OotP that he managed to locate them and mark them on his star chart anyway; isn't magic grand?)
Enjoyable descriptions of the duels. Nice chapter, even if not all plotted beforehand.
Vicki
Author's Response:Liam steps aside and lets others star in their scenes, but he is the main character, and he starts asserting himself as such, including his domination of the dueling contest. He will make use of the shoelace trick soon.
KJ
Hi, KJ. I enjoyed the chapter focused on Aiden again. It's easy to automatically compare him with Liam, and I have to keep reminding myself that Aiden is younger than Liam and in a milieu (Slytherin House) where the social structure is more constraining than it is in Hufflepuff and the opportunity for self-expression is more restricted.
"Jason thought that, in a pinch, he could find the spot again and recover the book." When I first read this line, I thought that Jason was thinking that he, Jason, could find the book again (and what would he do with it then?). Then I thought that you probably meant that Dennsion could find the book again, but I wasn't certain of that interpretation either, because surely Dennison would never put the book in a place where he couldn't definitely find it again, and where he might not have easy, immediate access to it. So I await your comment on what Jason was thinking. It would be crazy if Jason went back out to the wall later and took the book...
You have ended this chapter on a spooky note. I'm eager to see what happens next.
Vicki
Author's Response:Jason notes where the hidden book is and will indeed go back for it at some point. But, when and why? You'll have to wait to find out.
It was fun to use such a classic, spooky trope as thick fog.
Aiden continues to perform in his scenes. There are plot lines for him in all the future books.
Stay tuned!
KJ
Hi, KJ! I read your new chapters as soon as you posted them, but I have been vacationing with my son, whom I haven't seen for almost 3 years, and my daughter, and the hot weather is debilitating, so I haven't accomplished much, including not writing reviews!
I love this chapter, including the list of "hundreds of careers" (I always knew there must be more than just 'auror' and 'healer'). Your writing is full of wonderful little details tossed in with frequency that keep the many story lines running simultaneously, reminding us that all these different threads of Liam's life are constantly in front of him. And all the events in these kids' lives (the O.W.L.s, the Quidditch, the Career Day) are developed in a way that greatly enriches the story.
That is one of your skills -- to take one thing, such as the Slytherin House layout and organization, or the nature of working at Gringott's bank as a novice Treasure Hunter, or any of the myriad other topics you include in your vision of the experience at Hogwarts, and expand it to its fullest potential, making this world seem so real. And I think that as time goes on, you are getting better and better in this regard. I am glad that this saga is not yet near its end, because I anticipate many more hours of very enjoyable reading.
Vicki
Author's Response:Vicki,
I'm glad you're enjoying the story! I was traveling too, in July. I've been working hard since I've returned to finish this book. I'll have more chapters for you soon.
KJ
Hi, KJ.
This was in interesting idea for a chapter -- a tour through the Shrieking Shack. As usual, your gift for details makes the tour vivid in our minds' eyes. Interesting that the shack contained the remains of a kitchen, although I don't think that Remus ever cooked any meals in that house. One concludes that a facet of its design was the need to make it look as much like a genuine house as possible, so that no outsider would ever guess its true purpose.
Nice to see the Dragon Wand playing a role again, though it's just a cameo. It's such a powerful wand, and yet Liam uses it so easily and nonchalantly. Nice to see you weave some old threads, such as Elena Morrow, into the narrative briefly
Gillian is quite the spunky kid, isn't she? So different from Vanessa, but I think more compatible with Liam than Vanessa could ever be. Still, it is she who urges him into the shack, rather than the other way around. Liam does seem to attract strong-willed girlfriends. No doubt more adventures to come -- hopefuly Patrick stays safe!
Vicki
Author's Response:One of my earliest ideas about Liam is that he would date a girl from each House, and each of those girls would be an exaggerated example of what her House represents. Sadie is intelligent and curious. She and Liam mostly study together. Vanessa is ambitious and vain. She and Liam go shopping and to parties. Gillian is athletic and brave. Being with her involves acts of daring. These acts will become more risky (and risqué) in Part 2. In contrast, what about Cho Chang symbolized that she was in Ravenclaw?
Before writing the Dance chapter, I reviewed prom dresses. Before this chapter, I read through the Wiki Potter entry on the Shrieking Shack, adding details that made sense to me, like the kitchen.
I'm finishing up Chapter 28. After that, I will read through the drafts, make some quick edits and then post Chaptes 25-28. I'm expecting Chapter 31 to be the End of Part 1. Stay tuned!
Fondly,
KJ
Hi, KJ.
I enjoyed the calm, peaceful atmosphere of this chapter. That atmosphere is heightened by seeing the evening through Liam's eyes since he's such a laid-back, unflappable fellow, but there were no fist fights or loud altercations or big surprises, just a pleasant social event. I imagine that Dennison and his gang were there, but apparently they were on their best behaviour.
You pick up the little details so well, as if nothing significant or contributory escapes your attention. The careful descriptions of what everyone was wearing to the dance reminds me of how much kids this age focus on what they are wearing and how they agonize over what dress or what tux. They are constantly comparing themselves to one another and second-guessing their choices.
Even the Third Year girls who couldn't go to the dance merit a few paragraphs to describe the Hufflepuffs' low-key party with recorded musice and dancing in the middle of their dormitory room, and The Slytherins' rambling thoughts about the older boys.
A nice chapter. Thank you for writing!
Vicki
Author's Response:Dennison is still a Third Year. He and his gang may have been down in the dungeon plotting evil, but they were not at the dance.
Meriko's comment about Philip shows that Philip's stock is rising: he is growing taller and more handsome. Yet, he lacks the confidence to actively court the girl of his choice.
Thanks always for your comments!
KJ
Hi, KJ!
Yes, I love al the little details you invent, starting with The Berlin Wall. They make the story seem so real, so grounded in some kind of autual universe.
Yes, the schism is starting to become apparent. What was Remington thinking, leaving the field with his hand-picked First Team and not even looking at his Second Team. It is as if he fails to consider that he might be needing to use some of those Second Team players in the future during the league games. He is assuming (betting) that his first-stringers will always be there for him. a good leader would have developed a Plan B.
I wonder if Fortney will eventually take over Liam's position as Beater and Liam will be ostracized by Remington. If Carol and Mary could see what was happening from the beginning, then it is surely plain to everyone else also.
This is all very interesting. I'm eager to see how it develops. (Almost makes me forget about Dennison!)
Vicki
Author's Response:Remington is a Seventh Year. He's almost done at Hogwarts. I was thinking of my own senior year in high school, where my mind was at, especially near the end. I think I did a better job than Remington, reaching out to younger students and encouraging them, as Liam is doing. I also know that most of my mind was on my future and not on the present. I also know that, once we were accepted into colleges, once we had bagged that last AP test, we were done with school, even if there were several weeks left. Remington has worked hard all through school, and now he's spent. He doesn't care anymore.
Now, he's facing a rival who is younger and hungry. The two traits of the Hufflepuffs, hard work and loyalty, are now at cross purposes. The pot comes to a boil in Chapter 28.
Don't forget about Dennison!
Fondly,
KJ
Hi,KJ!
I read your new chapters as soon as you posted them and have been meaning to write reviews, but life has been crazy. So I apologize for being tardy.
I see that Liam is slowly making his move on the Huffllepuff Quidditch team, insinuating himself into an influential position by filling an apparent void in leadership. Will Remington even notice? Being a star athlete is not the same as managing a group effort to make the best of each team member. I am not impressed by Remington's laziness in establishing his team roster. It will be interesting to see how the season goes. Is there mutiny in the offing?
Poor Freya -- Ben is really not interested in her, but Aiden comes with too much baggage attached. She's young, she has plenty of time to find love, but it's hard to wait when you want something so much.
And the specter of Dennison and his ominous venture into Dark Magic continues to hang unspoken over everyone. Will Aiden have to make a move, sooner or later?
Enjoying your story, as usual!
Vicki
Author's Response:Vicki,
I always look forward to your reviews, and I wait patiently for them. I enjoy watching you pick up the many threads of my plots and anticipating where they are leading.
Q: "Is there a mutiny in the offing?" A: I'm working on a chapter called "The Coup."
I also have a chapter upcoming called "The First Curse." Stay tuned!
I'm almost done with this batch. Look for new chapters late next week.
Author's Response:Vicki,
I always look forward to your reviews, and I wait patiently for them. I enjoy watching you pick up the many threads of my plots and anticipating where they are leading.
Q: "Is there a mutiny in the offing?" A: I'm working on a chapter called "The Coup."
I also have a chapter upcoming called "The First Curse." Stay tuned!
I'm almost done with this batch. Look for new chapters late next week.
Hi, KJ!
I loved this chapter, especially the conversation between Aiden and Freya. It seems as if we haven't seen a lot of Aiden recently. He's an interesting guy, straddling the line between the two sides, as he explains in this conversation. And it's so cute when he is telling Freya about all the people to whom Liam sends cookies at Christmas. Without realizing it, he's handing Freya a load of ammunition that she can use against her sister later, if needs be, since Freya realizes that Morwena is sweet on Liam and erroneously believes herself to be somehow special to him because of the gift of cookies. Poor Morwena, when she finds out that half the school got cookies from Liam.
I also love how you put the charaters (first Freya and then Aidan) into this beautiful snowy scene, which you describe so lovingly before the conversation even begins. It makes a lovely background in my mind's eye for the unfolding conversation. In general, I look forward to reading your Christmas chapters because they are invariably charming, even when people are scheming or being political, which many of these kids can't seem to avoid. :)
I noticed that your story about Tess Coverdale has risen to the top of your Author Page. Did you make any significant changes or additions, or were you just cleaning up typos?
Vicki
Author's Response:I do enjoy writing Christmas chapters. It's challenging to make them all unique from one another. I'm glad you enjoy them so.
Living where I do in California, snow is such a novelty. I think if I lived somewhere it snows every winter, I don't think I could write about it so affectionately.
This is the very beginning of something between Aiden and Freya. It will take a while to come to fruition.
Tess Covenshire & the Highcross Scandal was originally published on HPFF as The Witches of Slytherin. When that website shut down in 2018, I moved my operation over to Fanfic Talk. That's when I re-wrote Witches, expanding it and changing it's title. Then HPFF came back and restored all my novels. My read counts on that site have grown to the point that they are equal to what I have here at Fanfic Talk. I decided it was time to update Witches to the current version. I started this week to replace the chapters one by one. I've been flipping back and forth between the two sites, making sure the notes and chapter descriptions are more or less the same. During this process, I've made some minor changes to the chapter descriptions on Highcross Scandal, which caused the novel to move to the top of my list. I may have fixed a typo or two, also. Nothing major. Thanks for noticing!
Thanks again for reading my stories and writing to me.
Fondly,
KJ
Author's Response:I do enjoy writing Christmas chapters. It's challenging to make them all unique from one another. I'm glad you enjoy them so.
Living where I do in California, snow is such a novelty. I think if I lived somewhere it snows every winter, I don't think I could write about it so affectionately.
This is the very beginning of something between Aiden and Freya. It will take a while to come to fruition.
Tess Covenshire & the Highcross Scandal was originally published on HPFF as The Witches of Slytherin. When that website shut down in 2018, I moved my operation over to Fanfic Talk. That's when I re-wrote Witches, expanding it and changing it's title. Then HPFF came back and restored all my novels. My read counts on that site have grown to the point that they are equal to what I have here at Fanfic Talk. I decided it was time to update Witches to the current version. I started this week to replace the chapters one by one. I've been flipping back and forth between the two sites, making sure the notes and chapter descriptions are more or less the same. During this process, I've made some minor changes to the chapter descriptions on Highcross Scandal, which caused the novel to move to the top of my list. I may have fixed a typo or two, also. Nothing major. Thanks for noticing!
Thanks again for reading my stories and writing to me.
Fondly,
KJ
Hi, KJ.
I am carving out time to finish reviewing your current batch of chapters before you upload the next set. As always, an enjoyable chapter. It is sweet to see how much Philip agonizes about writing his letter to Pauline, carefully weighing the impact of each sentence, trying to sound friendly and open but not overly eager. I was afraid he would mess up and discard several sheets of his elegant stationery, but no, he managed to get the job done properly on the first try. Good for him.
Liam is certainly Mr. Laid Back. Maybe the labor of baking batch after batch of cookies will keep him occupied so that he doesn't have to think about the irritation of not being able to use magic freely while he's not in school.
It's good to see how the kids have such affectionate ties with one another that they take the trouble to send all these gifts to each other at Christmas, even though they're going to be seeing one another back at school pretty soon.
So Freya is keen to know who sent the cookies to her big sister, and Morwena is loath to let her know... What does that imply concerning the relationship between Morwena and Liam? Interesting that the Slytherin girls have a certain amount of interest in Liam, even though he's in Hufflepuff House. I guess that quality wins out.
Fun to read.
Vicki
Author's Response:Morwena's gift has some impact on the plot, as you will see when Quidditch season starts up. Inquisitive little sister Freya gets a chapter to ponder the cookies and the book. Liam focusing on cooking also keeps his mind off of Vanessa.
I'm writing Chapter 23 this week. I spent an hour looking at prom dresses prior to writing the chapter on the Winter Ball. It made for some fun research.
Thanks again for reading and for writing such thoughtful notes!
Fondly,
KJ
Hi, KJ!
This is a sweet, peaceful chapter, an atmosphere just right for the days leading up to Christmas. All the students that we care about are happy, Vanessa will surely find someone to ease her broken heart, Reginald is not making any overt moves yet, and Liam is going to send lots of Christmas cookies to his friends. It was funny that Benedict's first kiss with Alyssa, so lovingly anticipated for so long, ended up in the corridor, under a sprig of mistletoe on the tip of the lance of a suit of armor, with a ring of spectators!
I certainly hope that Philip works up the courage to speak with Pauline, but I have faith that you have that moment on your story outline somewhere.
I enjoy the gentle pace of this story (at least, so far!) Thank you for writing.
Vicki
Author's Response:Vicki,
I'm glad you're enjoying the story! It's such a tradition at this point, these Christmas chapters. I try to find ways to keep them fresh and unique.
Benedict's evening with the three girls becomes a template for a very complicated relationship which develops fully in Part 2.
Philip's moment with Pauline is coming. You'll be waiting a while for it, but will be worth the wait. Stay tuned!
Thanks always for these notes.
Fondly,
KJ
Hi, KJ! I figured that it was about time for another batch of chapters because you had said they would be showing up in early May, so I checked yesterday, and there they were!
Another Christmas caroling party again this year, organized by Morwena, and again the party has more purpose than simply fellowship and the singing of holiday favorites. But if Morwena organizes these activities because she wants to be seen as making good things happen, then all the better--good things do happen for the betterment of everyone, as an effective Prospective Head Girl should promote.
So Vanessa pushed her luck too far, trying to coerce Liam into buying her a very expensive Christmas gift, to serve as bragging rights for her. It was a gamble on her part, but I think that she had so much confidence in her enchantments/attractions that she thought she couldn't fail. Nope. One step too far. But Liam doesn't do things impulsively, and he's not easily pushed to anger.
So I guess that this had been building up in his mind for some time, although he says to Gillian in Potions lab, "Ness and I are just going through a rough patch is all. We'll be fine." Did he really believe that when he said it, or was he just trying to convince himself because he wan't sure what he wanted at that point? He seems pretty calm about the breakup after the fact, but then he's pretty calm about most things.
I enjoyed this chapter. It struck me as less complex that some of your chapters are, mainly just the caroling and the breakup with Vanessa. Always a treat to read your stories
Yours,
Vicki
Author's Response:Hello again! It's nice to hear from you. Yes, Liam is very even-keeled, but while he is slow to anger, he is very forceful and dangerous when angered. His instinct is to loyalty. I think you're right, he was trying to convince himself that staying loyally with Vanessa was the right thing to do.
I'm working my way through Chapter 21 right now. It's going very slowly. Every novel has a slow patch, a section that was not very clear in my mind at the start. When I reach that point, everything slows to a crawl. In this novel, the slow spot is between Christmas and the Winter Ball. There are big important scenes coming up, but I haven't gotten there yet. I got a page and a half written today. Tomorrow, I need to write a bit more. Pretty soon, I'll be through t.
L&A went on like this for about 150 pages. That was a brutal slog to write. This patch is not nearly so big.
Thanks again for reading and writing me such great notes!
Fondly,
KJ
Hi, KJ!
Another very enjoyable chapter (especially since I've read it about a half a dozen times, but it never gets stale). All of the threads of your simultaneous plot lines are gratifyingly easy to follow, and they include a lot of original stuff (unlike many other stories I read where I end up saying to myself, "Haven't I read this very thing, or something quite similar, many times before?")
The dream that Aidan has about Gillian lying on the castle floor is troubling, and I notice (on re-read number 6) that it occurs at the same time that Dennison is studying his Wicked Vengeance book. And given Aiden's unsettling feeling in Hogsmeade that Dennison may be planning to target Gillian, I wonder if all these ideas are interconnected. Dennison is certainly dangerous. Cyrus Kane is a choir boy compared to Reg Dennison. I hope that whatever Dennison is plotting will be stopped before he does real harm to someone.
Another example of your imagination is Liam's career choice--Treasure Hunter! I don't think I've ever heard that occupation mentioned as a career choice, but of course it makes perfect sense! I love it. I hope he follows through. Those ancient runes will surely come in handy.
And poor Vanessa. Tess sure knows how to stick the knife in and twist it. But Vanessa set herself up for that scene in the dormitory by trying to brag about her relationship with Liam. She should have known she couldn't win, with the odds of three to one against her (I'm not counting Rhiannon).
Very enoyable. I'm looking forward to your next batch of chapters!
Vicki
Author's Response:The Treasure Hunter career choice came up in L&A as a way to explain why Liam took Runes instead of Magical Creatures. The plan is to have a book that shows everyone as adults with jobs. In that book, we see what the Treasure Hunter job is really like.
In Prophecies, Tess sees Liam cast the heat spell on Stacy. Rather than blab about it right away, she keeps it hidden "like a weapon." I already had the scene in this chapter in mind when I wrote the scene in Prophecies.
Because I plan ahead, I can foreshadow. And because you are a careful reader, you pick up on my foreshadowing better than most ....
I'll be posting new chapters in a week or so. Stay tuned!
Fondly,
KJ
Hi, KJ,
I keep reading these last two chapters over and over, meaning to write reviews, and then I never do it, but at least I'm driving up your read count! :)
As usual, another charming chapter. There are so many things going on with this bunch of students, and the setting of the village of Hogwarts provides a lot of opportunities for unique scenes.
The scene of Philip, Rhannon, and Pauline was very well portrayed. Philip is mature beyond his years, Rhiannon is coming to terms with herself, Pauline is everone's supportive friend, and Mr. Geoffrey handles their requests with aplomb. One feels a lot of satisfaction when the three of them have completed their business there.
Meanwhile, all the Hogsmeade visitors are busy plotting their own schemes, and that's a lot of schemes. Dennison and his buddies are up to something, for sure, and Liam is warning Patrick and his buddies not to get into any fights. The Third Year girls are planning a party to make up for not going to the Winter Ball, Stacy and Q are contemplating their futures, and Aiden suddenly suspects that Dennison is going to target Gillian. Phew. That makes for a lot of plot threads, but you always manage them beautifully. I will have to say that you are the king of the ensemble casts.
Always a pleasure to read your chapters.
Vicki
Author's Response:Vicki,
Thanks for two more great reviews! I'm flattered that you read the chapters multiple times and still find them interesting. I keep all my plot lines on Excel spreadsheets which I expand as I go. I gave serious thought to the Third Year girls having their own dance, and I couldn't figure out a way to do it logistically. So, I spent a scene having them come up with reasons why it wouldn't happen.
The scene with Philip, Rhiannon and Pauline was fun, with Mr. Geoffrey trying hard but not always saying the right things. Honestly, I'm much more like Philip in real life than I am like Liam.
"You are the king of the ensemble cast." Love it.
Fondly,
KJ
Hi, KJ.
So you're an aficionado of spy fiction! Maybe that's why this chapter works so well, because when I first read it, it struck me as being particularly well put together. It just flowed so smoothly and seems so well developed.
And the mood of this chapter is quite a changeover from the mood of the previous one. Instead of a party scene with lots of people and hustle and bustle, it's just two people sitting in an obscure corner of the library having a serious conversation, while both Stacy and we the readers find out a lot more about the life and thoughts of the the mysterious Q. She's a very interesting and likable character.
I must say that I would love to go up those stairs the rest of the way, to the oldest archives of the Hogwarts library, to see the school's oldest records. Maybe up there somewhere there still exists a record of the first building of Hogwarts Schools, and the answer to the question of whether there was a wart (small watch tower or pile of stones) situated on the site of the proposed school before the school was built. (Inside joke, hee hee.)
Thanks for writing. It's a pleasure to read.
Vicki
Author's Response:I haven't decided how long this relationship lasts. I'm just going to let it play out. I'm glad you like Q. She has some important scenes coming up in CM2.
My magical historian, Robert Kaufmann would probably know about the wart. I'll have to think of a way to work that into the conversation at some point. Robert will come back around again, though not for a while yet.
Thanks always for reading!
Fondly,
KJ
Hi, KJ.
It's good to see some more chapters of this story. For one thing, it provides me a place to give you the web address of the excellent site on medieval book production which you asked me for some time ago. The title of the site is Medieval Manuscript Manual, and the web address of the home page is web.ceu.hu/medstud/manual/MMM/home.html.
There's another good site which I found previously during my research, and I will try to find it again.
On to the review for this chapter. As usual, I loved it. Sample of things I liked: the description of how Sadie transfigured Ben's robe to be formal. The tiny digressions of descriptions of actions are not part of the main plot, just like colored glass balls aren't part of the structure of a fir tree, but they dress it up so enchantingly.
Also: the dialogue, such as "Hanging out with Slytherins does make one a bit paranoid," said Ben. "That it does," [said Liam]. And all the dialogue between Professor Slughorn and the attendees at the Prefects' Social. You have his voice down perfectly, so it's a lot of fun to read.
It's gratifying to see that Liam is beginning to understand girls just a tiny bit more, both the looks on their faces and the thoughts in their heads. So he has finally figured out (after how long, a year?) why Vanessa wanted to study Ancient Runes with him. That was certainly a long-term campaign on her part. So she gets angry when he reveals that he figured out her plot. Not smart on her part to get angry; she could have salvaged the moment by saying that that had been her initial intention, but now she likes him for himself (which would be possibly believable because he's a nice guy). Well, she didn't, so I'm afraid that this relationship is in trouble.
Meanwhile, Morwena is amused. One would have to get up pretty early in the morning to get the best of Morwena!
Happy to know that there are three more chapters to read.
Vicki
Author's Response:Vicki,
Great to hear from you again. I will check out that site.
I'm glad you liked the Slughorn scene. I thought it funny the assumptions he was making about each couple, and how everyone was too polite to correct him on any of it.
I plan to go up into those dusty archives. There's an over-amorous couple who might want to sneak up there for a quick tryst. Also, Philip as a Sixth Year will work in the library shelving books for Madam Pince. He'll go up there as well.
Yes, Liam and Vanessa's relationship is in trouble. Stay tuned for more on that!
I just finished drafting Chapter Seventeen. I plan to post the next batch (17-20) in early May.
Thanks always for reading!
KJ
Hi KJ!
This is a sweet chapter, for a change! No intrigue, no menace, no danger. Just people trying to find dates for the Prefects' Social. I was amused when Sadie snapped up Philip right before two other girls asked him, and he said, "I guess my stock has risen when I wasn't looking." Bit of humor there, just like something Philip would say. I wondered, though, if the wizarding community has a stock market for thier commercial companies. (Why not?)
And then when Lara asks Benedict to be her guest at the social and he says, "I'll be sure to tell them (his other girlfriends). They'll be terribly jealous otherwise." Actually, he does have other female admirers, but none of them is his official girlfriend. This bit was gently amusing also. I love the subtle humor that these boys show.
Liam is his usual slightly clueles self about these social niceties, saying that not only did he not know when the Prefects' Social was, he wasn't even aware that such a thing existed. One of the last to know about it.
I expect that the next chapter will be about the Prefects' Social, so I hope you post again soon, because this story is very interesting!
Vicki
Snow Foxes
Author's Response:Vicki,
I just finished writing Part 2 of this chapter. All I had down in my notes was the party itself. As I got closer to writing the scene, I realized Lara didn't have a date. I debated different options before settling on Benedict. I thought these two could have a fun, light scene together, as there is some heavy stuff coming up for them in CM2. Laying out who was taking whom took a full chapter, so the party itself got pushed into the next batch.
Philip's stock will continue to rise. This was my experience in high school. I didn't realize until after the fact that, as a junior and senior, I had left my freshmen self behind.
Benedict makes an off-hand, gently sarcastic line about all his other girlfriends. This will be a much more real dilemma in CM2.
Thanks for reading! I'll have more chapters for you sometime in March.
Fondly,
KJ
Hi, KJ!
I see that Morwena is taking charge again as regards Stacy and Q and the preservation of the friendly relations between slytherin and Hufflepuff. She's a natural administrator.
It is interesting that Stacy and Q hit it off so well from the first meeting. Maybe it was meant to be, since Lara's Prophecy Cards showed that in the future they would be together. That's sure not how it is for us folks in real life. Wouldn't it be interesting if we could know ahead of time who our soul mate would be, before we even met them?
I like your way of showing the preparations and precautions that Slytherins need to take, just for a walk with a good friend or partner. The guards, the considerations of lines of sight for potential spies....
What are all the things that Mae Q rearful, the things she hasn't told to Stacy yet? I search my brian for possible ideas. something to do with Desnnison?
Thank you so much for writing.
Vicki
Snow Foxes
Author's Response:Vicki,
Recall at the end of Prophecies, Aiden and Q are hanging out. Q details how she spied on Tess and Stacy, going as far as breaking into the hidden room and taking physical evidence back to Umberto, so Umberto could verify Mageford's suspicions that Tess' relationship with Stacy was more than platonic. Q eventually declines to spy further on the two girls, but gives Jim and Dave tips on how to eavesdrop in the fog without being seen or setting off magical alarms. She feels guilty for having spied on them, and that guilt will be something Q and Stacy must deal with.
Because she has been a spy, Q is constantly suspicious that she is being spied upon. One more thing I picked up from reading Le Carre.
Thanks for reading!
KJ
Hi, KJ!
I really like this chapter. The stuff about Dennison suddenly turning into a model student was a big surprise. I had him pegged as about one notch above Crabbe and Goyle. Obviously wrong about that! He's up to something, during this period of being a model student and deflecting all attention away from him.
Lara's understanding of the three things that combine to destroy him, the Curse, the Prophetic Doom, and the Oath Taken In Vain, sound terribly powerful. Like her, I wonder if there is anything that can save this boy from being his own destroyer.
I also enjoyed the developments of Stacy's being able, at last, to find out who the girl on the card was. You wrote the scene where Q slipped and fell in the entrance hall very smoothly. I have said it before, that your writing is getting steadily better over time (I hope that's true for me too!) and it's a pleasure to read. Thank you for writing. I know I will always enjoy one of your chapters.
Vidki
Snow Foxes
Author's Response:Vicki,
I'm glad you liked the scene with Stacy and Q, that it felt genuine.
Dennison is growing up, leaving his whiney, complaining younger self behind. He is on his way to becoming a truly scary villain.
I know I will always enjoy your comments!
KJ
Hi, KJ!
Now we see the prefects going on patrol. And as usual, our attention ends up focused on Reginald Dennison. He is already beginning to try to corrupt the First Years, to increse his ranks of followers.
Professor Gregor may have thought he was being surreptitious when he called the prefects together to plan the search of Dennison's room, but of course it was immediately noticed by the other Slytherins that some people were absent from the breakfast table. Dennison is just being very clever about hiding his Dark Magic materials. smarter than I though he was. And it was a big mistake, when they search his bag, not to lok in all three of his supposedly blank notebooks. I noticed that after one notebook was inspected, Dennison hastily grabbed the other two, and the rearchers failed to notice that they had not searched them yet. A rookie mistake.
Lara's prophecy is scary. How far will Dennison go, and what damage will he do, before he has his ultimate fall? As usual, an engrossing chapter.!
Vicki
Snow Foxes.
Author's Response:Vicki,
It's great to have another batch of reviews from you! I'm glad you're enjoying my story. If McGonagall finds the book right there in Chapter 9, this would be a very short book. No, the hunt for this evil book, which in the minds of McGonagall and Gregor is at this point just a hypothesis, must continue in fits and starts throughout this very long book.
Thanks again!
KJ
Hi KJ! (for the Burning Bridge)
This is a strong chapter for a couple of reasons.
Dennison continues to weave his plot by disrupting the morning with a prank, and Umberto makes his first big mistake by leaving the First Year boys unguarded. I wouldn't have thought that it would be necessary to guard the new House members from other members of their own House -- I'm pretty sure it's not that way in the other Houses -- but Umberto knows that Dennison and his subordinates are troublemakers and, unlike other Slytherins, present a real danger to others. It's a rookie mistake by Umberto, who is usually on top of the scheming. As prefect, he will have to learn to be responsible for rwo things simultaneously.
How much damage has been done? I don't like to think about it.
I like the image you present of what Neville Longbottom has become, how he has turned out, and his self-confidence as a Herbology ptofessor. The final paragraph sounds ominous and prophetic, if only he knew. He turns the boys' attention from glorious re-imagining of the old war to contemplation of the realities of a hypothetical future war, a war that none of them dream is coming.
Good job. I hope that you will post a bunch of new chapters soon.
Vicki
Author's Response:I thought, of all my readers, you would appreciate this chapter with its Wilfred Owen references. I had a really clear picture of Neville as an adult, and I was so excited to show him off in this scene. When the line from the poem came to me, I knew I had to use it.
My method, dating back to days when each of my chapters had to be validated, is to post in four chapter batches. Today, I started Chapter Twelve. In a week or so, you'll start seeing new material.
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