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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THIS IS A FUCKING MASTERPIECE
I had so many thoughts as I was reading this, so many things I wanted to write about in this review that I loved but now I can't think about any of those because I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AT YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE THIS.
You're evil and also a genius.
Okay, so, the things I wanted to say:
1. I love love love the way your sentences twist and twist in on themselves, almost like we're inside Lily's frantic mind as her thoughts flit from one idea to another. It makes me feel breathless as I read, like I can't look away or I'll miss something important. I was hanging on to your every word.
2. YOUR METAPHORS WHAT. I could honestly quote like 298094 different lines that were all my favorite. The one that comes immediately to mind is when you compared Lily and Sirius to an apocolypse and AHHHHH I'm obsessed.
3. Also YOUR DESCRIPTIONS. Like, from the literal beginning of this story I was hooked. I can picture the view from the Astronomy Tower so well, and I can just see Lily sitting on the edge, both literally and figuratively, and the little details bring everything to life, like the ashes burning her dress. Everything is so vivid. The colors, the emotions, everything.
4. This brings me to Lily and Sirius's connection which is just EXPLOSIVE. There are so many layers here. They understand each other in a way that few others do, because when your family fails you like that it's a cut so deep that it's hard to imagine if you haven't been through it. And then there's the guilt, because they both love James, and James (it seems) loves Lily, and they're all friends so their connection feels forbidden but so magnetic. In a different world, they would be together, but in this world they are ruining each other just as much as healing each other. DAMN YOU FOR BREAKING MY HEART.
Yeah, I'm glad I finally read this. It's going to stick with me for sure.
xx Gina
Hi Kris!
So first of all, shout out to you for writing this for not one, not two, but three challenges all at once! :elmofire: The Sirius/Lily ship is criminally underrated as a ship, and when I saw that’s what this was going to be focused on, I knew immediately that it was going to be excellent. Lily feeling like there’s nothing left for her in the world at the beginning and that she’s really got nothing to live for with the war going on makes this darkness much more real and true to what people tend to forget about this time in canon. To have friends and classmates dying around you as you’re trying to finish out your last year of school, just survive, it marks a lot of sense for why she and Sirius would come together in this way. Also we love that bi rep too, even if it’s sad :biheart: I think you’ve done a great job with all the challenge prompts you had to integrate here and, as always, I loved this fic so much!
~Madi
Fairy foxy review event
Wow...this was a wild ride. I love the rollercoaster that Lily and Sirius go on is mimiced in the narrative structure--I, too, felt that I was going through constant highs and lows. I am so mad because one of my absolute OTPs is Lily/James, and I always picture Lily as such a gentle person, and you completely subverted all of that. It makes so much sense, her emptiness, from first being rejected by her family and then being rejected (and fearful of) the Wizarding World. AHHHHHH. Now I need more Lily/Sirius and pain and heartbreak and drugs and sex.
blackballet
This was every little bit of angsty, toxic, bad choice drama that I didn't know I needed to read as I took a break from endless online discussion posts, but boy am I happy to have found it!
I loved how dark this story was from the first freaking sentence all the way to the last. Even when Sirius/Lily are falling for one another, the world around them just feels like it could catch fire at any moment.
I'm such a fan of this moody, doesn't give a fuck Lily Evans and the connection she has with Sirius just MAKES SENSE for this dystopian world.
This love triangle feels authentic and possible and tragic and heartbreaking and just ahhhhh such a good read!
also....ALL HAIL THE FROST KITTENS!
MY GOD.
honestly theres nothing like a destructive, toxic, addictive, beautiful, insanely hot end of the world, we’re all going to die soon so why not fuck in the meantime romance. i want more. i want every word again, it was just total excellence. this was so many different levels of tragic and each one more divine than the last. the love triangle, lily’s thoughts on the war, sirius and his feelings for james and the way he may or may not love her and that she definitely loves him, or at least loves what he gives her, loves what he makes her feel and how she escapes when she’s with him. i loved the way you opened this, with this creeping outlook on the world, lily’s sober (well not sober but y’get me) assessment of them partying. like fiddling while rome burned. and then theres sirius, the alright evans like killed me, because we don't expect it from him and the fact it was was just pure gold. i’ve told you that i ADORE sirius/lily because it’s such a dumpsterfire of deliciousness but you’ve done it in this beautifully unique way. you showed us this impossible pull between the two, it’s about them, about how they need each other to get through what ius impossible to get through. they numb each other, burn for each other just as much as the drugs and the booze and the partying. sex is just another escape, only when it’s with the right person it can somehow both set you on fire and bring you back to you. Like everything will be alright so long as you have this, even if it hurts, it’ll still help you get through. every word was honestly just so gorgeous to read, you have this enchanting way, live weaving a dark spell full of smoke and hurt and beautiful people full of fire. this was just everything i wanted it to be and more
(veni, vidi, foxi)
hi kris! foxy freind visting you from fairyland <3
wow, immediately I really love your characterization of Lily. There's a certain soberness to her (even though she's drunk lol), like she can see past all the bullshit--but it's twisted from her typical clear-sightedness, to be a bit darker and more bitter. Which I think is actually much more of a realistic and relatable characterization than I've ever seen of Lily--I mean, I would also feel pretty bitter if I was a teen girl living through a war, especially if I was like Lily and saw through bullshit that others did not see through,
ohmygod, you used the "Alright, Evans" line. I know it's like, part of EVERY Jily but every time my heart goes !!!
I love the way that you set up the differences between Lily's feelings for James and Sirius. Sirius *gets* Lily, like a mirror--which was a very poetic way of describe it--but one that only reflects back darkness...but also, no one else reflects back this darkness, since no one else seems to really get it? Sirius also sees past the bullshit in the way that others do not, which explains why Lily feels drawn to him, in this moment of deep darkness. (I loved how you showed the similarities in both Lily and Sirius feeling rejected their families; I'd never noticed that similarity before!). And James, on the other hand, is playful and distracting and so light. I can already see the love triangle developing with such a delicious and fascinating contrast.
Omg the build up to the sex scene, and the scene itself...my heart is beating so fast! You're sooo good at capturing the exhilarating, heady passion.
Ohmygod, their conversation where Sirius asks Lily how they're the same...my heart is falling apart, ahhh. I already knew that you were really, really good at writing love triangles, but I think this might be your best one yet; you've got the story of sameness between Lily and Sirius, that intense feeling of being known intimately and understood--rivaling with Sirius's loyalty to James and the feeling of destiny that Lily feels with James, all wrapped up in the feelings of guilt and the trauma of war that makes guilt take on such a different taste, and Sirius's self-hate and Lily's emptiness--which comes out of that story of sameness. It's such a complex love triangle with so much dimension. And it's all told with such beautiful prose, I feel like i'm holding my breath the whole time. Gosh. I love it so much.
That's what made the last scene so especially heartbreaking, with the accidental "I love you"--like they're both falling over a precipice that they've been trying so hard to resist but need so badly. And I especially loved the emphasis on the intense guilt they felt. I think that that is the true meaning of the word "illict"--something that should be shameful, but is so tempting for that exact reason--but you also can't escape the guilt that accompanies?
ugh, I've missed your messy characters and your complex relationships and your absolutely fucking gorgeous prose so much. So many lines from this are going to be imprinted in my brain for a while, so many incredible metaphors. And this has been a hopelessly disorganized review, but I hope you can tell how impressed I am by your ability to get me so invested and worked up over a ship I'd literally never thought about before.
incredible!!! <3
love,
shreya
KRISSSSS
You requested this review SO LONG ago, I’m so sorry. :’(
This… might be one of my favorite things that you’ve written???
I’m so glad you took on this ship and I was fascinated to see what you did with it. I love dark, angsty, imperfect Lily, more of her please. My favorite thing about this whole thing might be how you sort of framed it/ set it against this backdrop:
There’s a war raging outside the walls of this castle and here we are, celebrating a Quidditch victory. I start laughing, as if I’m enjoying some sick private joke, and my throat burns with acid, eyes stinging from the smoke and sweat and rage.
Like contrasting what’s going on in the wizarding world, the war and terror, with what’s going on inside the walls of Hogwarts where a bunch of kids are trying to still be kids (which for sure isn’t wrong of them, but yes what a mindfuck when you look at it in those terms, having a Quidditch celebration when people are being killed like Mary).
The way you characterized Sirius and Lily here, they both made so much sense together, their similarities and differences, how they’re connecting while sort of… trying not to connect but they’re actually doing so on a deeper level than they intended to, when they just thought it was going to be a diversion. And then James wrapped up in all of this as a source of guilt, not just because of what we know about his feelings for Lily, but also Sirius’s feelings for James, which was something I loved about what you did here, it just made it all more confusing and twisty.
There were so many lines in this I absolutely loved and I started to copy and paste a bunch of them:
I hear him whisper this is a mistake, but mistakes don’t feel the way his mouth does on mine
His fingers are littered with silver and gold when he touches me, eyes filled with constellations I’ve never seen before and his laughter, the one I never hear outside our own universe, his laughter is my doom.
We collapse into each other, fire and fighting, like the fall of a nation.
This started off easy, but now we’re so fucking twisted that all our secret glances feel like glaring neon signs of what we are. Two wicked creatures.
Your imagery, as always, is so gorgeous and immersive.
Your prose here felt really fluid, it felt at times like stream of consciousness, but it made a lot of sense and I think that contributed to the flow, and it had a really nice pace that captured the urgency and passion but also the smaller sections broke it up effectively without feeling jarring.
I loved reading this. <3
Melanie
Oh Kris...
So, I actually read this fic a while ago, but was so overwhelmed I couldn't review properly. I read it again today, and it hit me even harder, probably because a month ago I didn't know what losing someone very close to you actually means, how it feels, and how it alienates you from the rest of the world. So parts of this fic at the beginning really hit me unprepared, words like:
I envy him, I envy all of them, dancing, seemingly carefree, even though I know this, the party and Quidditch, it’s all a distraction, but for me, it’s not enough. I glance over my shoulder at the deep darkness outside and again feel the pull towards it, a devil whispering in my ear.
Your words are beautiful, always so beautiful, little fragments of poetic beauty sprinkled into the flowing prose: so I turn my back on the wilderness
What a way to start the story, with lines like that. They are deep and darkly dramatic and I live for it.
The way you bring Sirius and Lily together is masterful, and the descriptions of their connections, eyes, touch, lips, thoughts, all of it, work so well.
I feel like I’m looking into a mirror, into dead eyes, black, starless like this night, black instead of green
and we go from that to this line that made me actually shiver all over my skin: I hear him whisper this is a mistake, but mistakes don’t feel the way his mouth does on mine
You mention electricity somewhere in the fic, and it fits so well, it speaks so true about the two and how they connect. I kept envisioning lightning and overall I always love the journey of mind images you take me on. Your stories read like constellations on paper littered with stardust, it's truly magical.
But it's not just the writing, it's also the substance you give this relationship. Even though they don't want to admit it, it's so real, and raw, and my heart sang and cracked at the same time knowing that it wouldn't last. And OMG, making Sirius being in love with James and THAT being the source of the inner dilemma is a stroke of brilliance I would have never expected to love so, so much. I want more, I want novel-length, I want this love triangle from the other side so much!
I lie in his bed and watch him in the low glow of the winter sunrise, his skin a battlefield of old scars and stunning tattoos. Sirius’ eyes flutter open and he catches me tracing my fingers along a thestral in flight, across one of his scars, curse-scars
This part and more is so beautifully written and descriptive (bed canopy charmed to be like constellations omg!!) and wretchedly romantic I could cry. How they understand each other in their darkness, how he comforts her and makes her forget for even one second. Why why why must you break me like this??
Even at our worst, we are burning bright
What a perfect way to end such a sad story, though. But you made me believe in the two of them, and I comletely could accept that this happened between them, and forever remained a secret, and that the love was real, however brief, and that perhaps they both saved each other in their ruin.
Beautifully written, Kris. Thank you for sharing and for making me feel so many things when recently I honestly feel like I can't feel anything, and I hope you always keep writing.
hello, i’m here to finally judge my challenge after like two and a half months, it’s fine i’m doing fine :dumpsterfire:
i *clap* love *clap* dark *clap* lily. she’s very often this big ol’ ray of sunshine in fics, which is a totally fine and valid take, but i’ve fallen in love with the darker version of her in canon fics - she’s been through hell and back and it’s hard to imagine that those sorts of experiences wouldn’t fundamentally impact her as a person. i have some long ass character study on her tucked away in my google docs somewhere that i used for developing her in quidditchfic and thinking about her like that definitely made me love her character even more.
(that’s the first and last time i will make this review about me lol.)
i know i do this every single time i review your stories and i have no intention of ever stopping so here we are all over again: your descriptions are just a;uhgljafiagljfigaj;. i have no words for it other than that, i just love the way you paint everything so brilliantly and make everything a rich metaphor and it gives all of your fics such a defined aesthetic. idk if that even makes sense to describe a writing style as a ‘defined aesthetic’ but i’m rolling with it because it feels right.
(sorry this review is so completely chaotic, that’s where i am at this point.)
i am obviously a jily shipper at my core, but at the same time, i think what you’ve done with lily and sirius makes sense here. they’ve been through a lot of the same trauma, and there’s something about that that gives them a special understanding of one another - in a way that james, the golden boy, can’t understand.
i love the way you tie the song inspirations into this as well - there were so many moments where i was like ‘this is a dress reference isn’t it’ or ‘this is an illicit affairs reference’ without even knowing that those songs were inspiration for the fic (i don’t read story summaries or notes bc i apparently just like diving in first and figuring out what’s happening later), they just weave in with your writing and your descriptions so effortlessly and work so well.
this whole thing tugs at my heartstrings in a way, the way that they’re so right for each other yet so wrong at the same time, and they both seem to know that they’re not good for each other but can’t seem to stop coming back, it’s such a messy and heartwrenching dynamic that really makes me feel for them both.
anyways, all this to say that this and you are incredible. <3
-taylor
Hey Kris!
So I'm here for some holiday gifting but I've been so exciting about this project for a while now. I think Lily and Sirius is a very interesting idea to develop. There is such potential. I think you've done an amazing job at playing on that potential. I thought that twist of Lily's character was so well done. I don't think the Lily that we all think we know would be with Sirius. I can't see that working at all but you've created your own twist on Lily's character. It's so refreshing to see her portrayed like this. It makes perfect sense. Lily has been through so much. The war must've taken its toll on her. No-one is perfect enough for it not too. I love this broken Lily. It really works.
One of my favourite things about your writing is that you're so damn good at creating atmosphere in your pieces. I love that aeastics that you weave together, description is really flawless. I love how you use first person so much, you stay so tightly in head your character's head. The focus is psychological, it makes for an interesting and thrilling narrative honestly. I always think you must feel your words so deeply because everything has this amazing raw quality. It's something that's really quite unique and special about your writing honestly.
I like how you set the timeline in this piece. We get to see more their relationship. How they work together or perhaps how they don't. I love your headcanon or at least the inclusion that Sirius is in love or has been in love with both Lily and James. That's a really interesting dynamic and conflict that you've created. I would honestly love to read this story from Sirius' POV. I feel that would be something very unique. I think you should consider it! I'm basically just sad that this is over!
You've made Lily and Sirius' sail and sink in this piece. Everything about this piece worked for me. The emotions *chef's kiss* and I can't review without mentioning that I love all your smut scenes. You do such a good job at getting the chemistry sizzling which makes them compelling and addictive. Good job with all this!
Abbi xx
hey kris! happy holidays ♥
how is everything you write so goddamn beautiful? your prose reads like poetry, even in these longer pieces. i don't think i've ever read lily like this, but i absolutely love it. i never really thought before of what it'd be like for her being a witch in a muggle family, and how hard that must've been. we don't want to believe petunia, but the way you've written it, i can absolutely believe that she comes from a broken home and wants to run away from it. and the same with her being a muggleborn during the war; the fear she must've felt, not even wanting to go to hogsmeade because of it
this was honestly such a fresh take on her character & i really loved it because it felt very rooted in canon
and oh my god, kris. sirius and lily in this?? just... :chefs kiss: they were hot, and i loved how wrong they were for each other but they still understood what the other needed at their very core. that's almost how i can see them working sometimes more than lily and james; and bless you for having sirius in love with james instead of remus. don't get be wrong, i love wolfstar, but that just added to the freshness of this fic. although, tbh, the (few) fics i've read of yours are super original and fresh and dynamic and i love them so, so much
i loved your use of colors & fire whenever lily and sirius were together, and it's heartbreaking, almost, how they knew they were on a timeline that was running out. they knew they couldn't be together, but i wanted them to be, especially when sirius came to rescue her from her house. almost like he knew, because he did, because he was the only one who really understood that side of her
and just, ugh. i loved this so, so much. thank you for writing such a beautiful piece and sharing with us♥
Happy holidays! I'm here to leave you a little present.
Holy crap. I forgot how much I lowkey ship Lily/Sirius, and you did a wonderful job of reminding me how much I love this tragic pairing. And the ending! My heart is breaking for them, and the prose is so freaking good! Your writing is always just so wonderful, and I feel like saying it paints pictures isn't quite strong enough to explain how good you are at evoking images.
And them both loving James and the angst. It's all just so wonderful and they're so broken and I don't know how to explain that I like this fic so much? Words are escaping me because it was just so good, and I'm rooting for them even though I know that it's doomed, and they know it too. Thank you for writing this!
Thank you, again, for writing this, and I hope you have a lovely day!
-A
Hello, Kris, my dear! Here for your request!
So first... how dare you think this is shit??? Your writing is incredible (as always) and just... how do you do it? Teach me your ways, girl!
This is surely a version of Lily Evans much different than what we normally see... but it makes so much sense in the context of this story, in the middle of the war, rejected by both the Muggle and wizarding communities, the abusive family, kids dying for being like her... the fear and loneliness and hollowness make so much sense, as well as the urge to feel something, to live now before it all ends. It's a very human reaction, I believe.
I love how you build the relationship with Sirius and how you progress it through the story. Again, it makes so much sense that they would be drawn towards each other (even if they both know that it isn't advisable) just because they feel the same way, because they see themselves reflected in the other, because their experiences are so similar and they know the other can relate and understand. And I love how it starts as something purely physical but slowly evolves into something deeper, even if they are trying so hard to ignore it. And it makes me sad, but also it's so, so fitting, how the moment they admit to be in love is the moment when it all ends, because they just can't go there. It's kind of painful, but fascinating in a way? I don't know, I'm probably making no sense.
Btw, I really, really, really loved the idea of Sirius having feelings for James! Once again, I think it makes a lot of sense, and I "love" how it just complicates things further. I know there's not much James in here at all, but I loved the little glimpses of him we saw: his cheeriness and carelessness and genuinity. (Just in case you didn't know, I'm quite a fan of James Potter... :P)
I sort of already said above, but your writing in this is stunning! The descriptions are so vivid and just beautiful and every emotion shines through so powerfully! I got chills reading this!
I'm not quite sure what else to say, except brilliant job! Everything you write is stunning, and this is no exception! So wonderfully done, my love!
Big snowball hug,
Chiara
Here as per request and oh my gosh! I love this painting of what the world was like for them all going to school in the rising tensions of a war. It really does a good job showing what a dark future like that would look like for Lily specifically. I don't see a lot of people addressing that aspect, but it still felt very real and like it could have been something they were going through canonically.
Hiya Kris, I'm here with your review request and...you're a genius. Plain and simple.
Your writing continues to be vivid, dark, and sharp. I've probably said it before, but the way that you weave metaphors into your stories feels so authentic. This is probably my favorite piece of imagery from this one:
"Even at our worst, we are burning bright, two flames, twisted and crooked and broken."
It just evoked such an image of these two twisted candles, dripping heavy wax, their flames intertwining but like eventually blowing out. I mean, I know you didn't right that, but that's sort of the image that popped into my head whenever I read that bit. I think the fire imagery also really fits them with how you have set them up in this fic.
I've never read this pairing before and I have never seen Lily written in such a dark way. But you make it work. Honestly you could probably take any characters from HP and make them work to your desired ends. You have such a way to exploring the darker corners of a character's mind (everyone has one, after all), what sets them off, what draws them to someone else or something that gives them a sort of relief.
Back to talking about this pairing, I never considered the similarities between Lily & Sirius before. I thought your rationale for how/why they might be drawn to one another worked very well in this. The fact that you bring up that Lily is hated by her family for being a witch and in turn, hated by their community for being a muggle born is indeed ironic. I never considered it, so it was like an aha! what a stroke of genius! moment whenever I read that part. Also kind of jumping around here (sorry about that), Sirius saying "You hijacked my heart," is like secret Sirius code for "I love you and I shouldn't but I do." At least that is what it sort of felt like to me. And then the inclusion of James with Sirius being in love with him and the foreshadowing that Lily will end up with him...just gives them another heartwrenching commonality that adds to the whole turmoil of them being a thing.
Anyway, thanks for taking the time to write this. You've sparked my curiosity by bringing a rare pair to life that I never knew I wanted. :)
<3 Courtney Lynn
Hey Kris! How do you manage to write so much? Please tell me your ways. Anyway, I'm already super intrigued by this story because Colours is one of my favourite Halsey songs and I can't remember the last time I read a Lily/Sirius (if ever??) so I'm excited to see what you did with this!
(also your writing could never ever be shit <3)
I've never read Lily like this but I really love it. The darker spins to your stories works really well here because of Lily's fear and all the other shit she has to go through as a Muggleborn. It's a terrifying and awful time, of course she can't see the reason behind celebrating and distracting herself from it all. Especially since she's already lost Mary </3. Her jump to Sirius also reflects this 'tomorrow we might die so we might as well' I feel like she's thinking.
I love her connection to Sirius here as well. Even though he's pureblood, he's gone through some shit, too. Something James - and the way he grew up safe and loved - can't understand. I like that she and Sirius can understand each other so much.
Your use of long sentences is really effective too. It speeds up my reading and makes me feel the same out of control pull that your characters too. You use this a lot and I really love it, this spiral of thoughts that your characters have!
Don't you ever think this story is bad writing again, you hear me? There's so many amazing lines and phrases and descriptions and I just find myself getting lost in them:
We collapse into each other, fire and fighting, like the fall of a nation.
His fingers are littered with silver and gold when he touches me, eyes filled with constellations I've never seen before and his laughter, the one I never hear outside our own universe, his laughter is my doom.
We might be sinners, but this doesn't feel like sin.
Are just some of my favourites!
This was absolutely beautiful, Kris. I would love to read more of the Marauders from you. I think in your capable hands their dynamic would be absolutely amazing!
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