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Dan, here for #4!
Wooo, I have so many feelings. Amazing. The anger theme is really driven home here and everything makes perfect sense; it’s an awesome little story, narrow in scope, focused, it has its own self-contained plot even though it’s really just a slice of what this team is doing and has been doing for years. I really like how you made this all work from beginning to end, the last days of the pursuit of Jugson and his eventual capture.
I like how telling each other chapter from the POV of someone other than Harry sort of made me as the reader really want to see Harry’s POV ultimately. Like we’ve approached the situation from all other angles and had a good idea of Harry’s thoughts and feelings, but ultimately we had to see it through his eyes, as he’s internalized so much of this larger conflict and taken so much responsibility unto himself.
You write action so well and always have fascinating ideas for crazy things to do with magic, like the house basically being alive, false doors appearing, etc. Also I loved Susan’s logic about needing to cast the anti-apparition spells from inside the house rather than outside because once inside the house the magic might be felt by the house as being less of a threat.
It was incredibly effective how you used the flashbacks from Teresa’s and Donny’s POV’s (how did Harry get those memories, I wonder, or was he actually speculating/ imagining them the whole time) and had them transitioning/ conflating with Harry’s own memories. It was emotionally powerful, and also a really great way of showing, rather than telling, just how much this mission was messing with Harry and bringing up his own trauma because he related so personally to Jugson’s crimes. With that context -- not to mention the torture and near-deaths of his friends here -- it’s 100% understandable, realistic, and perhaps even justifiable, that Harry ultimately lost it during his final battle with Jugson and almost boiled the guy to death (super grotesque and twisted, I love it).
The entire thing about Harry’s anger getting the better of him and his guilt over that fact, wondering if it makes him a monster when really I think it makes him 100% human -- there’s so much to unpack there, it’s just a really excellent execution of that theme. Throughout this story we’ve seen anger from various characters, and it seemed very focused sort of on the collective anger of the squad on behalf of the community, for their own traumas and experiences, on behalf of Teresa (both for herself and as sort of a representative of all victims of Death Eaters), but then that very seamlessly transitioned into being about Harry’s individual fury, more terrible and consuming than everyone else’s.
This is a really thoughtful and well-executed story, and I see there’s another installment in the series so I’m eager to get into that one soon!
Melanie
Hi Dan, back with #3, and this chapter was really amazing, such a gut punch, and I’m really eager to see how you wrap this story up in the next chapter because right now it feels that we are sinking ever lower into the pit of despair.
I enjoy the character you’ve crafted here for Justin. He’s serious, justice-minded, driven by a sense of right and duty, thoughtful, and while he may have strong opinions about things he’s not quite as bull-in-a-china-shop as his Gryffindor colleagues (for example, when he’s the only one being quiet during the initial confrontation with the old nurse in the Muggle ward, earning him perhaps some level of initial trust with her).
I really loved the ferocity with which the nurse protected her patient, and while we know Harry and co. had a perfectly good reason to want to talk to Teresa, the nurse is right, you can’t just go barging up to traumatized Muggle victims going, “Hello, we’re wizards and we’re here to ask you our wizard questions.”
What is revealed here about Teresa is just disturbing and horrifying in a way I -- like our Aurors here -- had not anticipated at all. Jugson did a psychological number on her. And you can tell it really takes a lot out of the three Aurors to hear it, especially after the horrific truth about her son is discovered. They are all experiencing vicarious trauma, a very real thing that’s probably just amplified 1000 times for them because they’ve also experienced direct trauma in their own pasts. I really liked how you wrote Justin’s developing sense of what was wrong, and then his reaction upon hearing Teresa confirm it, as far as Donny being her son, and then how you depicted everyone’s reactions. Their grief and horror was palpable.
That final scene and debate raised a fascinating ethical issue. What’s the right thing to do, and what’s the compassionate thing to do, and are those the same thing? I can see both Harry’s and Justin’s points. Would modifying Teresa’s memory so that she knows her son is dead but doesn’t know the real why/how, actually make it hurt less? And Justin’s position, about her being entitled to her anger, and how divorcing the truth of Donny’s death from Teresa’s reality actually takes something essential away from her -- something Justin sees as rightfully belonging to her -- is an amazing and interesting concept. A thesis could be written about this. And just like that, you’ve directly tied in the anger theme that we noticed beginning with the title and the chapter titles, and then really drove it home with that super strong closing line by Harry.
On to the last chapter!
Melanie
Hey Dan! Review #2
Ahh I loved so much the dynamic among the team, learning about how this squad came into existence, seeing their camaraderie and so forth. Also how they so freely sass off to Dawlish and basically troll him, hahaha. Being friends with Harry Potter has its perks for real. (And I didn’t think I could love Susan more until she told Dawlish her aunt always thought he was an idiot.)
That whole opening scene with the group doing their paperwork was a really fantastic and realistic bit of levity (I guess aside from Ron and Terry being dumbfucks about sexual assault, though on the other hand, dark humor is a thing, and particularly in contexts like this and what this gang deals with day to day). I just really love how they’re all a little older and wiser and so capable but they’re still this fun group of friends and you can really see how well they mesh.
SpeWCriPS makes me laugh.
Leader!Harry is great, he’s really grown into himself, despite the fact that he has never wanted any of this -- but that’s what makes him the best leader, is that he doesn’t want it. To that end, I loved the line, “sounding every bit the leader that he never wanted to be.”
I enjoyed your decision to tell this chapter from Ron’s POV rather than Harry’s or even one of the other squad members’, because of the unique status he enjoys as Harry’s best friend, having grown up so close. Ron’s POV gives us a front seat to the action in the chapter but also great observations and understanding of Harry’s own actions even though we’re not in Harry’s head. And it’s so funny seeing/ hearing Ron have these thoughts that are basically like, “Shit, Harry’s doing that Harry thing again” when Harry starts to get all noble. Because we all know. We all know Harry is always going to do that Harry thing.
(I’m pretty sure I totally recognized that move where Ron fires over the top of Harry’s head from After Destiny!)
Also. Who doesn’t love a ticking bomb plotline? That was so great. This bomb’s gonna explode, and getting out of it without loss of life seems completely impossible. Classic.
There was something I really loved about the part where Harry is in the children’s room and Ron sees the impact is has on him, how it’s become personal. It brings a lot of humanity to Harry -- and that’s not to say Harry needed an element of humanity, because he’s always had it anyway, but in a story where Harry is a bit older and more experienced (an authority figure, even), it’s nice to see this reminder that he’s still this very young person who didn’t welcome any of this and has always had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Thank you for skewering my heart at the end there. It was like Dobby all over again, which totally wasn’t bad enough the first time. :P
Fantastic chapter, I’m very hooked and eager to see where this short story goes and how you conclude it over the next couple of chapters.
Melanie
Dan! I’m here to give your AP some love for your donation to the HPFT BLM effort. Here’s review #1.
I was super intrigued by the premise of this story in the summary, and particularly given the theme revealed by the title and chapter titles -- and this was a gripping first chapter!
I enjoyed your decision to open this story from the POV of a Death Eater being hunted, but not only that, an OC as far as I’m aware, and also… not quite exactly a Death Eater, since he and his pals never really made it and finally joined up with Voldemort just in time for him to have his ass kicked? Kaspar is more of a… Death Eater groupie/ wannabe? I like your interpretation of how sympathizers like Kaspar might have come from far and wide and just gone on their own sadistic, psychopathic crime sprees across Britain en route to asking to join Voldie’s club. I reckon it was never really about the cause for Kaspar -- it was just an opportunity for him to commit horrific acts with impunity.
I really hope we’ll get to find out who is Mary Goldsmith, or more accurately perhaps, someone posing as “Mary Goldsmith.” I wonder whether this is some magic that allows her to be unaffected by Imperius or whether it’s just good old-fashioned willpower and mental resistance like “Moody” was teaching them in their 4th year.
Kaspar’s treatment of Mary is downright chilling, and you demonstrate your ability to walk right up to that line where the reader is cringing and repulsed by Kaspar’s thoughts and actions, without crossing it into gratuitous territory.
And then I just thoroughly enjoyed the whole negotiation process (well… the Aurors’ attempts at negotiation, anyway… and Kaspar is right, doing away with the Dementor’s Kiss -- as sound and humane a decision that may be -- really takes the wind out of the Aurors’ bargaining sails because their targets are looking at life in prison no matter what) and the ensuing fight scene. This whole this was a great snapshot of the Aurors’ current work, and I’m eager to read on and see what else they’ll be doing.
Melanie
Transferred from HPFF --
His family and his old friends from Durmstrang would be able to help him.
You know what I always find funny? That thieves, murderers, etc. truly believe that their friends and family will help them. Killed a guy? Ah! Let’s hide out with Cousin Earl because surely he’ll be on my side or Grandma Fran won’t say anything. Family first! Friends first! We’re practically blood. I get that yes, some people think the ties that bind us are worth it. You’re supposed to have their back but I couldn’t. If Kaspar came knocking on my door I would call the cops. I get it’s hard because if I was say his mother and that was my son and I loved him I would be devastated and want to help him but the law and punishment is there for a reason.
“Hello. My name is Mary Goldsmith and I’m conducting a survey on behalf-”
Uh. Can’t stand when people come wanting to sell something or conduct a survey. Poor girl, wrong place, wrong time.
There was no reason not to celebrate his imminent escape with a bit of entertainment.
Disgusting. Deplorable. He makes my skin crawl. Uh, Dan.
The girl had been a ruse, a distraction to allow the Aurors to set anti-apparition jinxes.
Yes! Thank god. I didn’t like where this was going. I was about to skip some paragraphs. This is what the scum gets. I hope they get him by the end but with more chapters to go I don’t see that happening. Ooo! Maybe he’ll splinch himself.
Mary Goldsmith was on top of him and Kaspar felt her fist strike the side of his aching head.
YES! Totally appropriate to say: you go girl! That was a nice surprise. I knew he wasn’t going to get out of there but Mary really showed him who’s boss in the last moment. He deserved it to no end. Disgusting pig.
My favorite part was him trying to negotiate. If they knew about the portkey even if it took him to where he wanted to go he would have been arrested. Heck, it could’ve just sent him straight to Azkaban or at least right outside it. Like they’re going to send you to Somalia, come on man. When a person starts negotiating you know they’re desperate. That’s when they start to make mistakes and that’s exactly what he did.
I can’t wait to find out what’s going to happen next. Tell your muse and the weather to start cooperating with you so I can get some more stories from that brain of yours.
Transferred from HPFF --
Ron tried his best to hold it together. He probably would have succeeded if he hadn’t accidentally made eye contact with Terry Boot. Within a few seconds, the two male Aurors crumbled into snorts of laughter.
Uh. Men. Leave it to Ron to focus on that aspect of the story. Poor Susan, completely violated by a disgusting pig.
“Harry’s the boss,” Neville replied after sealing the evidence bag with a tamper resistant spell. “If he says he can’t tell us, he can’t tell us.”
Harry’s the boss. Ha! In a way hasn’t Harry always been the boss? Everyone has always followed him because even at the age of eleven, heck one, he could defeated Voldemort. Yes, he couldn’t do it solely by himself but he’s the leader. Always has been. Always will be.
Someday soon I hope the whole world will know what a hero she is.”
The informant is a woman. I wonder who it is. Wait! To know about death eaters and the like, is it Narcissa? Or is that too obvious? Hm. Is it someone we know?
Just as the first of the Mediwizards rushed into the room, Bizzy the elf found her freedom.
That end scene was all too familiar. Really tugged at the heart strings here.
Wow. I have to say as usual I am impressed by your fight scenes. I was completely captivated and torn between reviewing properly and wanting to read on. You can see what I chose in the end. :P Whoops!
I knew they weren’t going to get him but what carnage they walked in on was horrible. That poor dog. That killed me first. I felt absolute rage because I can’t stand when I hear stories about people abusing animals and slaughtering them like nothing. Then again I feel absolute rage when people kill other people for no reason at all.
Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter. The moment really picked up and I honestly don’t know what to expect next. I’m trying to read carefully for clues for who the informant could be. He promised her something? Hm. They have no blood on their hands. They’re completely innocent. I can’t shake the feeling it’s someone we know. I guess I’ll have to read on to find out…unless you tell me now. Haha.
Justin watched in disbelief as Harry pushed the sheets away from him. A loud grunt of pain escaped his lips as he swung his legs over the side of the bed.
Why are we in disbelief? Harry Potter has never been a good patient. He’s actually the worse patient to have. He’s like an old person who is convinced they’re going to be left for dead in the hospital so they cause a big commotion because they want to leave.
Madam Pomfrey hadn’t been taking the -- when she declared Harry the worst patient in the history of magical medicine.
Ha! What did I say?
Yes, I know your sort very well, Mr. Weasley. You strut in here with your chests puffed out, demanding to interview victims because it helps your case, your investigation, your career.
You know I understand what she’s saying completely. I get he needs to speak to her and time is of the essence but it’s the same thing with cops. They come in after a horrible accident. They ask all these questions because they need answers to what happened but sometimes it does more harm than good. For the witness at least. At least wait until they’re in stable condition to come banging on doors.
“She was the informant, wasn’t she? The elf, Bizzy.”
Wait, really? Because I thought that was too obvious too. I get why she was there but I thought she at least was working with someone else even though that was his elf and took his orders. I guess I just figured there was more to it, you know?
Man, Harry really has a way with the elves.
Master turned him into a dog when I was too slow refilling his drink.
Oh Dan…oh…
I don’t even know what to say. I wasn’t expecting that at all. This story has really revealed a dark side of you. We’re only in chapter three and I’ve already been shocked enough times to want to take a break from this for awhile.
I think what I liked most about this chapter though was Justin. I like that you let him shine through in this chapter. You’re really good at giving all of your characters weight since there’s so many of them. You let them shine along with Harry instead of behind him. I thought his story was compelling, the way he spoke to the nurse and realized that he could convince her otherwise and then the compassion he had in the end. I think he’s a wonderful character. I’m a really big fan of him so far and hope he’s prominent in future chapters.
Transferred from HPFF --
Vengeance, he would have argued, can blind a person.
One of them is going to be killed, aren’t they? They’re going to slip up. Make a mistake and you’re going to kill one of my beloved characters. I can’t even consider which one because it would be too hard to bear. Seriously though, let’s not kill Neville this time? Oh but not Susan and I love…you know it’s completely plausible that Harry could die.
One more death, one more funeral, one more person who lost their life because they were stupid enough to believe in Harry Potter.
Really Dan, Neville? Come on.
What a captivating chapter! I found myself speed reading through it because I needed to know what was going to happen next. I feared for them all and was afraid a few of them wouldn’t come out alive but I suppose you can’t kill all your characters at once, right?
Or at all…come on. Why do we need to have casualties?
The scene with Harry and Jugson was powerful though. I knew Harry was going to lose his control from the beginning of the chapter. It was too personal to him and he was fighting with past demons in his mind and then losing focus on the present. He should have never brought them there in the first place with such clouded vision. Harry has always been a doer and sometimes doing clashes with thinking. I think that’s one of his major character flaws but it also makes him human. His emotions get the best of him and then tragedy happens. It’s when Harry is thinking. When he takes a pause that’s when he’s at his best.
I really can’t wait to find out what happens next. Update soon buddy!
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