FanficTalk Archive
Unleash Your Fandom
It is a crime that it has taken me so long to see that this story was updated! Because, after skimming back over the earlier chapters, I really remember enjoying the general premise and getting major "heist film," vibes from this one.
I really loved your description with Kiera at the beginning. She's tending to her usual work, awaiting an update on how things are progressing with this long con, and then curiosity gets the better of her. The way you laid out the scene of her discovering the stolen goods was well done. It was the perfect blend of physical observation and internal feelings. I felt her nerves (and maybe even a little bit of guilt) as she's intruding on Cas' space. And then when he texts her...it gave me a little jolt too.
Again, the dynamics of this group are truly great. There's a "we're in this together," mentality, but also, because of the nature of this story, I wonder if any of them have the potential to double cross one another if the opportunity presented itself. I definitely don't think Kiera has it in her. She cares too much about Grey and feels relaxed in Bailey's presence. But I do wonder about Lennox...
Oh no, and my boi Grey! I am so distraught that HE'S turning out to be the double crosser! Ahhh...I mean. He's new to the group and whether he's wigging out or having other motivations...I mean it could go either way. I think you set it up as a way for him to get out of this, but like, why? And is that the cheque fluttering in the wind? Ahhh...I need to know more about that Jade, so I hope you come back to writing this story!
<3 Courtney
~* 132 rising through the ranks *~
PS Hope all is well in real life for you!
Hello Jade!
I'm here for the snow foxes and also to read your story, so let's get to it!
I love a heist, and I love a crime syndicate. Basically I am very intrigued. Philip Rothmere III seems like a jerk but I can't help enjoy that sort of mob boss, high profile crime exchange. It's very Mad Men glamourous in a way, if that makes sense.
Can I also say that Cas King is a great name? And speaking of Cas, he is an interesting character, and I think the distant point of view you've taken here works well to up that interest. I can see why Rothmere reads him as lesser, based on how he appears with his team. But at the same time, we don't know as readers how Cas actually feels about being talked to that way. We don't know if Rothmere has judged him correctly... and I think he has not.
The art theft part is *chef's kiss* and it's the perfectc kind of crime to make a thief interesting. I want to know how he did it! Also it's such fun dramatic irony that we know it was Cas but they don't even consider him suspicious.
I'm interested to see if you carry this same narrative voice forward or if it shifts after this chapter.
xoxo Renee
Right so I love how they’re just totally geared up and ready to go. You describe them like a well oiled machine in how they handle all of their set up and changing of their outfits and everything was done very vividly. I could see it all playing out like this was a heist film. :)
Also I love how Grey is just standing there in total awe of them all and they’re like HELLLOOOOO? You have stuff you need to do too, sir. He’s totally a foil to the rest of them, what with his nerves that we can feel. The others are just totally confident and I mean, it tracks, they’re professionals. He’s a newb. But he’s doing a great job (that hand off to Bailey was brilliantly done <3).
Another thing about your writing that is really unique is how you pick and choose the dialogue to incorporate versus the dialogue that the characters ruminate on. It’s not a style of writing I’ve come across before, but I noticed you’ll do it here like an example of this being: “Later, Grey would not quite remember how he managed to talk for almost half-an-hour, drawing Wetherby’s eye to the minute details and changing the subject so regularly that the other man had no choice but to follow along.” Like we know he’s talking, but we don’t know precisely what about, but it feels like it’s enough.
And I was super stressed the whole time I read this that Grey would not be able to pull it off, but he can. But I’m still not 100% relaxed like Bailey and Louis are at the moment. I could use a drink though after reading to calm my nerves. Again, I think I relate to Grey as a character the most, and you make him so likeable and I just wanna hug him and be like “it’s ok buddy.”
I’m intrigued where this is going. I will need you to continue writing this hah.
<3 Courtney
*team ice otter*
“Cas had asked why she had chosen to dress like an overzealous PTA mom, but she had only responded, scathingly, that she’d done so because he had dressed like her delinquent son.”
Bahah, this line was great! And also a good way to reveal more to us about these characters. Lennox clearly has some airs about her, and thinks she’s a bit better than them all. And Cas is just like “whatever I’ll wear what I have because clothes aren’t as important to me as this heist is and doing it all correctly.” If I’m missing the point here, sorry. But those are the kind of vibes I got from this line here hah.
And Grey’s “of course I am nervous!” is such a relatable mood. I like that Bailey is coaching him similarly to how Kiera was a couple of chapters ago. I think you also help build tension as we continue to meet new characters and have to make quick judgments on them all the while reacting to how the plot is moving forward.
And then Charlie at the end just bolting! Something shifty *side eyes suspiciously* I love the remark that “he moved pretty fast for a pensioner.” I like that you’re including different age groups in this too. I think that’s believable.
Another thing I will say is that these first few chapters read like a heist film where they’re “gathering the team.” We’re getting the basic outline of the heist plot as we meet these characters and learn more about their specialties. Well done balancing the characters with the plot and world building so far!
<3 Courtney
*team ice otter*
I like that you dropped us immediately into the action in this chapter. And I love Kiera coaching Grey and then he seems to do alright with this phone call. Which I think helps show us Cas’ decision in bringing him on board for this crime was the right choice. Because you know, someone with no experience, doing a job for this Philip guy who seems so high class and shifty and possibly ruthless (idk I just got that vibe from the guy initially), doesn’t add up. But yeah, you made it believable in this moment.
I think it’s interesting how they have an archive of crimes and notes on how to complete crimes in their headquarters. My paranoid brain is like...what if they were discovered? Wouldn’t that blow up their entire operation? I mean, I’m sure you’ll explain this at some point, but part of me is like GAHH. STRESSED.
“She tried to sell a flamingo as an exotic sloth to a monastery,” Haha omgawsh, I need to meet Bailey, ok?! That’s hysterical!
I really appreciate the effort you put into this story and I think it has great potential :) You are particularly strong at creating good characters that we can relate to early on in the story. That and also establishing how they already know one another without having to bog us down with details.
<3 Courtney
*team ice otter*
Ok, so Cas didn’t steal the painting? Hmmm...but it’s interesting that he goes back to the Shoreditch headquarters and it feels like they’ve almost cleared out?
Oh my gosh though, I love this introduction of Kiera and how they’re just stealing a car? Well borrowing it, I guess, because they do eventually park it...so it’s like they returned it when they were done lol. I enjoyed the “no one seemed alarmed that they’re car was about to be taken.” It’s like they’re being criminal in broad daylight and no one seems to care hah.
And then meeting another character. Ha! I already love Grey. He’s like the kid who got his hand caught in the cookie jar. But honestly, I think you also show us that Cas is very familiar with the area if he was anticipating Grey attempting to pick his pocket at some point in time. ALso I relate to Grey’s discomfort with doing nefarious things haha.
Alright, so I guess we will get into the details of how they are going to pull off stealing these paintings as the chapters go on. I think I can already see your logic for Cas selecting both of them.
<3 Courtney
*team ice otter*
Hi Jade! I’m finally here to check out another OF piece of yours!
I am most intrigued by this. I like how you introduce your protagonist as working for a larger crime syndicate, but having a near nonexistent role. It’s interesting that he doesn’t feel left out or unimportant, but he’s smart enough to (allegedly) trick all the security measures in the museum to get that painting. Maybe there’s just a level of gratitude to be included in any capacity when you’re in a crime ring like that? Particularly if it’s been like a dream of yours? I mean, we don’t know these things yet, I’m just being rambly and speculative in this review hah.
I think you show the exchange of money for goods in a way that feels compelling to keep reading. And then of course, in the second part of this chapter, I need to know precisely how Case stole this painting haha. He seems to have a way of talking his way out of the situation though with his alibi. So that leads me to believe that he’s more perceptive than we initially think.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to reading more!
<3 Courtney
*team ice otter*
Hey!
I'm here for the reviewing event!
I thought this chapter was really promising! I think there was an air of mystery that you in want in a story of this genre. I think you captured and uncertain of their business dealing. I don't think they know how to trust each other, I guess in the crime world that friendlines doesn't get you that far. OF can be tricky because you've got to do all the world building yourself as the audience doesn't have any other reference to go by. I think you do a good work at including details/scenes to create something really vivid. I look forward to seeing that build upon further.
The introduction of Cas is so good! I love that we're focusing on this guy for a large part of the chapter like he is the guy we should be watching. Cas is introduced as the quiet inexperienced guy in the background is unexpected from the blurb and clever. I thought the conversation between the two men was amazing, really electric in the power balance between them. It changed and Cas was reserved but very daring. I think that sense that he is the underdog throughout that interaction makes him endearing to the audience. I think he is someone is root for over this crime boss.
Cas pulls it off it seems. How cool that he puts himself into the investigation like that takes a lot of courage to pull off a robbery like that but also put yourself in the position to be questioned by the police. Genius. I think this action shows so much about Cas, his confidence and skills. very impressive, Cas seems like he could be really interesting and promising character to read about. he has definitely caught my attention.
So promising!! well done!
Abbi xx
love the way grey is so good at pretending to be totally out of it, just casually walking around, looking up at the ceiling and basically begging someone unfortunate to crash into him just so he could steal their id, it's magnificent. btw van dort is everywhere in this fic, love it haha! and their exterminator disguises are very clever knowing that people would (have to) steer clear of any potential rat problem. grey is being soooo nervous which is totally understandable and i love reading it because he’s not super confident like the rest seem to be and it's just nice seeing things from his side for a little bit because he is so new to this thieving, con artistry business. and i am lol'ing hard at cas and his skills in pitching rothmere against louis haha, it's lovely to see/read after that first chapter where rothmere was being all annyoing and looking down on cas.
(for foxy glory!)
and the plot thickens! your descriptions of louis's apartment were amazing - i really really liked how there were all these inconsistencies and contrasts between the decorations and furniture left over from the previous owner and the newer ones from the current owner. i cackled when cas specifically chose the not spiky, definitely comfy looking chair and ended up suffering for it. and lennox and louis are obviously both still holding grudges but i loved reading their fun banter! bailey with her need to touch stuff, to see what's there, it's all just this very cute and adorable peak curiosity that i love! and lol charlie threefingers haha the old man sure knows how to run away, but i, much like kiera, desperately want to know all these secrets that he is keeping! :eyes:
(for foxy glory!)
ahh grey is so great at this acting-like-a-stuffy-person part of the thingie that they are doing, but damn cas is just!! you've made him such a messy, grey (hah!) character - like i keep getting a different feel and read on him as i go along and that's amazing, i love morally grey characters and how cas is just very unapologetic about it (obviously, he hides his thoughts from others, because what good thief would carry his emotions and thoughts plainly written on his face or just tell them to people but when we're in his head it's absolutely delightful). him being proud of himself - how he found grey and plucked him from nowhere and basically "made" him is so egotistical but somehow works for him as a character in a great-characterisation-right-there way??
ayy kiera not wanting to seem like someone who didn't know what she was doing is such a damn mood i feel that hard (and i love her okay)
the missing files and the missing people and the fact that the files that are missing are the ones this ragtag group could use is peak mystery and it's very much chef's kisssss. also those files on how to contact someone and the specific ways in which to contact cas and kiera that are listed are just brilliant and have me googly eyed at your stellar writing.
'the annabelle hotel dealt largely in secrets' is such a good quote and description of this hotel, like....deliciously mysteriously secretive and awesome.
omg thief lennox! and there's history! and it's all very vague but this quote: “I’ve already stolen a painting, dated a guy and started Shoreditch’s secret Santa for you, Cas, I don’t know what else you could possibly want.” golldddd oooh and her sister bailey who she decided was taking a break is getting involved and all this is getting even more twisty i'm so here for it
(for foxy glory!)
okayyy cas is brilliant - i love the fact that he just walked out of the police station totally chill without raising literally any suspicion after a major theft and btw also how one of the theories is that the guards locked *him* in that room so they could steal the paintings. but wow what the hell is this shoreditch syndicate, how come they have an archive of criminal deeds (which, lbr, sounds not smart to have but also hella cool at the same time) and a laboratory?? i definitely want to know more about the syndicate and more importantly, about what the hell happened to the syndicate criminals and why is it empty….but i adore kiera and grey, they, along with cas, are already such vivid characters and she's also kinda badass and i am weak for badass hella cool girls. and greyy is so damn interesting, with his apparent double life! lucky for cas that he could call in that favour. the plan sounds simple enough and exciting but i bet it won't be haha. and, like, i can't get enough of your writing style/voice in this, it's really distinctive and original!
(for foxy glory!)
i love heist stories and i love criminals and cas king seems like an adorable criminal. the way that phillip rothmere lured him into this scheme was really just...wild because it only started as him being all haughty and proud and thinking he is better than everyone else around him so he felt he had a right to taunt cas just for the heck of it and he didn’t expect that cas would have the balls to challenge him back and honestly i love cas for that. and obviously he did succeed in stealing a work of art in a way that right now just from the first chapter seems like it was executed perfectly and that's hella exciting! i can't wait to find out how he did it and the aftermath :eyes:. but also i just love the style in which you wrote this, just wonderfully delicious descriptions, both of people and surroundings and of the things the people are doing and their personalities just shine through but the narrator voice is also wonderfully wry, i adore it!
(for foxy glory!)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
This story seriously just gets better with each chapter. I'm so so in love with this crew and I want all the happiness in the world for them even though they're theives....is that....I mean....we'll just move past that....
The monkey v ocelot debate had my ribs hurting! I seriously could imagine this absurd conversation taking place with such sincerity and plainness that Lennox was freaking bored in the middle of it XD
And then GREEEYYYYYYY!!!! With the scottish accent?! #Peak
Oh! And on of the ending lines was fantastic word play! "People people, not tech people. Maybe they would know what buttons to press to get the right answer.
I need to find new words to say how much I enjoy this story because each review is just me gushing on your writing and AMAZING graphics and crushing on ya boy Grey XD
Another fantastic chapter!
I really love how you introduce characters. They enter the story as the moment calls for, dropping us right into the action, in the middle of a feud. It really creates a sense that these characters exist outside the confines of the words you've written. They have lives beyond these bits we get to see. Ugh I just love that.
Also, I can now confirm that Grey is to be protected at all costs "google crime" is my new favorite way to plan for art theft. Honestly it's sound logic and I can't even fault him for it. This story is so captivating and beautifully descriptive. I can't wait to keep reading!
xx Frost Kittens Bruh xx
Okay, there are SO many great parts of this chapter that I know I won't hit them all, but here goes nothing. First off, this is a heist story. Like seriously you hit all the story beats and emotional notes of theives and codes of honor and nonchalant crime and fast paced action djfhi83qhfniojfd. I didn't realize I was such a fan of crime until I began reading this story, but I am HERE FOR IT!
Also, this story is so witty and funny! This line had be rolling, "There were a lot of places where it was okay to be alone. A jail cell, for example. A bank vault. A bathroom was often preferable..." And the introduction of Kiera was just [chef's kiss]. The way he decided they might be on good terms because, "she hadn’t rolled up her window or driven away or stolen his wallet while he was distracted." XD XD XD
Okay, then we get to Grey and just all the heart eyes because I think he's a cinnamon roll who I would protect with my life but also I have a horrible feeling that he's going to get into trouble :(
I am ecstatic to get back to this story in the morning when I am rested and ready for more high octane theiving and dry, sarcastic wit!
xx ALL HAIL THE FROST KITTENS xx
WOW.
I want to know everything about Cas King. I want to know more about art and art theft. I want to know about crime syndicates and briefcase exchanges. This was such a good first chapter that drew me in and left me wanting MORE!
I love the introspection in your narration, it really brings another depth to these characters. Oh! And this line especially was just a chef's kiss, "It was like pushing buttons on a vending machine just to see what happened."
And, I know this isn't about writing, but THAT CHAPTER IMAGE?!?! I've said it before and I will say it again. Your art is STUNNING! Now I'll run along to read more of this exciting heist!
xx All Hail The Frost Kittens xx
I see my homie Grey... I gotta click. Sorry this one isn't an audio message, I'm reading this in my workout breaks so unless you want to hear an ASOIAF podcast in the background, you're going to have to suffer without the sound of my voice.
Okay, so you KNOW that when there's times intersecting the chapter that there's some shit about to go down. I can feel it. Something that you have a particular knack for is setting each scene so it's easily visuable in my head.
CAS'S NARRATION MAKES ME CRACK UP. You think I hate on Grey, but really, Cas is the real meme here. The entire second paragraph on how Lennox should just get past the Prague incident, how it'd been so long, etc. etc. — MEME, I tell you. AND: "Cas had asked why she had chosen to dress like an overzealous PTA mom, but she had only responded, scathingly, that she’d done so because he had dressed like her delinquent son." Jade... I'm weeping.
So this is Louis... I'm not liking him just yet but only because he hasn't reached his meme-ishness just yet. I am so curious about the Prague problem too!! (love the alliteration btw). Cas is such a noob. I just have to say. Everything about his narration is so funny to me, even when it's not supposed to be. Just LOOK at him. Sitting on the chair. The image is so strong.
The Lennox and Louis dynamic is already cracking me up, though. I love them. Maybe I'm warming up to Louis.
MONKEYS. OCELOTS. MOUNTAIN GOATS. This is the funniest thing I've ever read. I can just tell that you're laughing while writing this... I'm WHEEZING. and "“Whoa, okay!” Cas cut in, because he could see this inevitably spiralling out of his control and he did not have the brainpower to manage this pair right now." Cas sweetheart you don't have any brainpower.
Cas is the dad of this group, isn't he? Even though half of them are older than him... you know what, good for him. He can hang out with his buddy farmer that has mountain goats. Aw and he has a sweet tooth! No offense to Cas, but he seems like a bad criminal. Nothing like Kaz Brekker anymore.
OOooh look at him, reading YESTERDAY's newspaper. I wonder what Lennox would think of me, listening to podcasts from 2 years ago. I wonder who he is! To be honest, on one hand, I do care. On the other, I'm so obsessed with this wonderful cast that I just want to read more about them interacting, nevermind the heist.
LOOKS LIKE BAILEY'S NOT ON HOUSE ARREST. Not a good idea for Bailey to go around touching everything! I like her POV right now, though. She seems more blunt than Cas, and less... weird? I don't know if that's the right word to put it because I can't tell if Cas is being serious or if he's acting like that on purpose.
Wow, Richard Lee. Mean. And look! Grey, the new recruit! The icon! The legend himself! HAHA I love how Bailey literally ordered at the counter. The description of Grey: "a very stressed-looking accountant." I stan him. "Even when they all dressed up, there was always an undertone of nefariousness to it, because everyone knew they were only doing it to get something out of it." So you're saying Grey ISN'T Nefarious <3. The icon!
Oh, that scene where Grey made an old lady voice. The icon himself. Bailey really does have a healthy (?) dose of self confidence and we stan HER for that! THE GREAT RATSBY. THE GREAT RATSBY. I'M. I agree with Grey though, Cas is hardly company.
Why would he get recognized as an accountant??? Grey, where's your super suit????
Kiera, the icon herself. If only one could be so smart as her. "It was how she had once managed to steal a charming little diamond from a bank safe that had backed onto the storage room of a hospital." and she's HUMBLE, huh?
I like the name Charlie Threefingers. It's a very iconic name. I wonder what's happening, huh? This is all very suspicious. I'm glad you gave the explanation though as to why those people in the crew hadn't stopped by, it was nice to have a concise explanation. I need to know how big Charlie's fake beard was now.
I'M SORRY I'M JUST IMAGINING A HOMELESS OLD MAN RUNNING OUT THE DOOR AND BOLTING. THAT'S SO FUNNY. I'M CRYING.
UPDATE SOON. PLEASE. OK BYE.
Author's Response:One day I'm going to inadvertently make a CI without Grey in it, and I imagine that'll be the point you stop reading HS. :/ (Also, all the chapter start with dates, so maybe u just read past them before this one)
Be honest with yourself. Cas DOES dress like someone's delinquent son, and Lennox 100% looks like she'd be off to the farmer's market any second now. Also, it was v helpful to describe their outfits without describing them lmao, as my descriptions are something too much i have found
how dare u not like louis :/ he's rich and he has a penthouse apartment in london :/ my kind of thief. i'd want to be the louis ngl he's like "i'm retired" and i'm like "you're in your twenties."
I'm trying to imagine Cas as the dad friend lmao. Cas trying to actually parent Grey. Cas patting someone on the shoulder vaguely like, "There, there," while glaring at other people. Cas throwing hands at the kid's soccer game because someone dissed his kid. Cas at the PTA meetings. Write this AU for me. I give you permission.
I think Lennox would think you're a stressed student who's a bit hip, but you weren't following her on a tube NOR looking suspicious. Unless you naturally look suspicious whilst listening to podcasts lmk.
I do like Bailey's POV haha, she's basically like, well I'm here and I'm gonna do shit for the fun of it, as opposed to, as you say, Cas, who has other plans to enact. She's just in the moment, living life, hanging out with ur son Grey.
Wow I should take that back and be like no Grey is the MOST nefarious. He's the bad guy of the whole piece obviously. Can't trust an accountant. They know too much maths. I do query why my own character think he'd get recognised as an accountant, which makes me think that past me thought that they wore name badges of their own occupation.
Kiera is the most humble yes no further questions
The beard was very long ngl I imagine it as a Dumbledore-level beard. Charlie is here for exposition, facial hair, and yeeting only, and for that, I can only stan him
I did already update, that's how slow I am at editing apparently
You've heard my thoughts already (literally) but this chapter was awesome!!!!!
Author's Response:[turns on playlist I've made of your review]
I've got this playing so my review reply is just legit gonna be me giving you bullet points back. That's what u get 4 audio reviews.
- Thank u for liking my chapter image and also my terrible sense of humour.
- "I'm guessing it's all about like, you know, stealing stuff." RIKKI. I'm glad u read the summary of this piece. This is a relief that u recognise this story is about stealing stuff. Heists be like that.
- TBH I based a lot of my descriptions on heist movies! You ever notice how whenever a character is introduced in a movie, they're introduced doing the special skill that's gonna work for the heist, and the camera pans a lot to show how cool they are at doing their thing? Ig Cas' special skill is getting arrested. o/
- Oh my god apparently if I click off our chat, it pauses your review? This hurts me. Anyway, where was I.
- LOL it's true, Grey WAS a petty criminal ): It IS growth ): I don't think Grey would agree lmao.
- Rikki, as if you don't make characters up on the spot for your writing too! But I wanted a nerd character, and Grey... felt right 2 me.
- YOU JUST WENT "no offence, I like him [Cas]" and yet u spend all ur time roasting him. What is the truth??
- Maybe I WILL write a heist around the dining table. Maybe it's half written.
(At this point, you did a whole tangent on Lily Reinhart.)
- I discussed this w u but the filing cabinets were not ASOUE inspired! It was just that I thought filing cabinets looked baller. And I wasn't wrong.
- I don't think I mentioned Citrix in prev. chapters, so u are forgiven.
- The roasting of Van Dort. Why can't u love my tragic Dutch artist
- I already explained a dead letter drop to you so we chillin
- honestly in this moment, I think we're all Grey. I google crime all the time : / I reckon Kiera could do it just fine ngl
- What dude? You said, "Is that guy super important, like the dude?" and I'm like ... WHO LOL there was like 5 guys in the first chapter alone, imagine how much trouble I had writing 'he' in that chapter
- describing my writing as "sparkly but in a bad way, but that bad way is a good way." I am so charmed, and yet so lost. What a beautiful description.
- YOU'RE RIGHT cas DOES look better without his hair pushed back, but you know, sometimes u have to blend in with the rich people : /
- The salt in the drink absolutely cracked me up when I wrote it ngl i was like 'this is the ugliest drink i can imagine i hate it, never drink it, it's the worst'
- I feel like i have to watch ocean's eleven now? i saw ocean's eight, is that still servicable?
- "Witty repartee is not enough to expose your entire plan." rikki i want you to give life plans to literally all my characters lmao this is so logical, so genuinely true
- AT THIS POINT U LAUGHED SO HARD U STARTED CHOKING at cas being stoic and then, upon realising lennox was shady, you went "Oh. There. I knew it. I'm a genius."
- gurl my heart would flutter too if i met lennox how dare u be surprised that cas' would
- Another choking fit bc Bailey tried to sell an animal to a monastery
- tbh i love kiera too, i think she's like... the only person who is looking at this mess and going 'WTF' and i'm like 'i feel u gurl'
- you going 'louis. louis weasley.' there is no louis weasley here. this is an OF rikkioh okay and then we're done! anyway here is ur strange review reply xoxo
Hello, Jade! I'm back again for your request! Finally! :D
I love this so much! I love your cast and how things are developing and the veil of mystery that's still there... I mean, the picture is starting to clear up slightly, but I still have a lot of questions, like... who stole the Van Dort? Is it that the painting Cas is trying to sell (and if yes, how? And if no, how are those related?) What's Philip's role in this (because he must have a role, right?) Who was following Cas and Lennox in the first scene? And this Charlie... what was he doing at Shoreditch and why did he run when Keira tried to ask? Is he the one who was following them? What happened to the Syndacate? So many questions...
In any case, I really, really love the team Cas has built. I love how detailed the plan is and how everyone has his role, I just really enjoy how they work all together. Louis is a fun guy, if a bit eccentric. I found really amusing the animosity between him and Lennox, and the bit about Tuscany and Barcelona made me chuckle... and also the mountain goats bit... (quoting myself from my last review, Cas really needs to stop asking favours... :P)
Bailey is such a fun character as well! She really enjoys this whole crime life, doesn't she? :P And Grey is kinda adorable...can't blame him for being nervous and not exactly optimist... :P I love that he has this talent for accents, I didn't consider it before, but it's cool! And the extermination idea is actually a pretty smart one... I'm very curious to see how the whole operation will work out now... ;)
Okay, but... now I'm wondering if the auction isn't actually a cover to steal something else? Not sure where the idea came from... maybe the fact that Keira is researching safes... I guess I will know for certain only at the end... it's surely a very elaborated plan in any case, and I'm so there for it! And I do expect some unexpected twist at some point, so I'm very eager and curious... ;)
I'm not sure if this review makes any sense at all, but just... keep going, girl! You're doing brilliantly! Can't wait for more! ;)
Lots of love and snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:/replies approximately ten years late
Hi Chiara!
I am liking all of these questions, and cannot promise to answer them in a review reply lsjdfldjs but I feel like maaaaybe (I can't remember) they def all get answered at some point, LOL.
Louis is one of my faves too hahaha every con artist group needs the rich guy who only does it for fun! Not that, uh, I don't think the others aren't doing it for fun obviously. Cas DOES need to stop asking favours, but he's just out here, being like this, doing what he can. I assume he stops eventually sldjfldsj
Yes, I love Bailey ngl! I think she's one of my faves just for her sheer love of crime (awkward phrasing) and Grey is honestly who I probably would be if someone told me to commit a crime so I cannot blame him for being the ultimate pessimist. We'll def see the auction house come up, and it'll at least resolve what they're doing there asfs
Thank u for the review <3
Hi Jade! I’m procrastinating doing my chemistry lab, so I’m back!
I really like the way you set up the scene. I don’t remember if I’ve said this before, but there’s something super crisp about your writing. I don’t know if it’s just the tone of this specific piece or if it’s your writing overall but I like it a lot. There’s something about Cas that makes me hesitant… the way that he thinks of home makes me SUSPICIOUS. But I like the way that you describe him a lot too! It’s a really good, vivid description.
I don’t think that this is supposed to be funny but the Shoreditch Syndicate + use of the word playground made me CACKLE. I just imagined a bunch of little children pretending to be criminals in the sandbox and now that’s all I can think of.
It’s really interesting that you say that Cas “could have” known this place really well. I wonder what happened so that he doesn’t? It seems like he knows it well, so that makes me even more intrigued as to Cas’s backstory. He’s so shaded in mystery and aura that he’s giving me less violent Kaz Brekker vibes (which is the only thief story I’ve read so that really could be the only person Cas could remind me of whoops).
I LAUGHED OUT LOUD AT THIS: “There were a lot of places where it was okay to be alone. A jail cell, for example. A bank vault. A bathroom was often preferable, in proper circumstances.” I found this entire part of the chapter really interesting. So the Syndicate is trying to stay away from him— they don’t want to be involved in his work? They don’t know what he’s trying to do, do they? Also, the fact that Cas DIDN’T do it? I’M SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW IN A GOOD WAY. I’m really excited to see how you pull all the strings together here. You’re really good at pulling together a situation without revealing all of your cards just yet. So I don’t know what’s happening and I 1000% need to read more. Good thing there’s more of the chapter left!!
Cas is me ignoring people who pass by. Bless the northeast and ignoring your neighbors!!! I knew we had so much in common. It’s honestly so weird that nobody is staring at him? Guys, a random man just sat on a wall, walked to someone’s doorstep, and then walked to a taxi.
I like this woman. What an introduction. I wonder who she is?? We know that Cas already knows her — considering that Cas knows her backstory — and we know that she’s some sort of person who likes to operate outside the legal system (look at the nice way that I worded it). You know, I went to Trafalgar Square once. I didn’t really like it.
SO HER NAME’S KIERA AND SHE CARJACKS. I love carjackers. It’s my favorite kind of vibe. Kiera seems like an icon already. I stan her. I also stan the way that Cas focuses on her MANICURE that made me laugh. I love how Kiera might be possibly willing to kick Cas out of the moving car. I’m really wondering more and more about Amity! This is twice that she’s been brought up so I’m guessing that she will be mentioned more.
I feel like this next part is the most amount of dialogue Cas has had in this entire story so far, and it’s really interesting to read the discussion between him and Kiera. So Cas has been gone for 7 months… hmmmm… But really, the way he talks is so great! It really reveals a lot about his personality and the way that he likes to act. I’m also really enjoying Kiera’s dialogue. I don’t know if I’m missing the reference to something in The Notebook when she talks about it or if it’s some sort of scheme that we aren’t privy to know.
LMAO. Of course, stealing a car is so much easier to do than buy it! Who needs parking? That entire line could have come from your mouth (I don’t think you’d say it hopefully, but just the kind of joke you’d make hahaha).
I don’t know if Van Dort is a real person, but either way, the name is so funny. Sorry Mr. Van Dort if you’re a real person.
I might be influenced by the book I’ve just read, but Cas is giving me the lowest of low keys a Fang Ruinin vibe by the way he’s thinking about getting Kiera on his side. Like on a scale of criminals Cas < Kaz < Rin except Kaz and Rin are not similar at all. Sorry this is a really bad analogy but let me just say that Rin is the main character of The Poppy War trilogy (aka the book I spent yesterday crying about) so this is a COMPLIMENT sort of.
Cas you CHICKEN. So awkward. I love his dialogue though. He should talk more. Stop trying to be a one man conning machine and try to talk more instead!! Also why does Cas sound so incompetent?? Forget being anything similar to Kaz, let’s be real. Kaz could at least whack people and I’m pretty sure he clawed someone’s eyes out? Somehow I feel like Cas wouldn’t want to get his hands that dirty.
“I don’t know where he is, except maybe that his name is The C. Aptain” I’m CRYING.
CAS. Dragging me in. I’m already so attached to Cas and Kiera it’s ridiculous. I find it funny that you’ve just talked about him beaming and it’s kind of cute and then you go straight into him not looking innocent because he’s got tattoos and squints a lot. Kiera is so mysterious, too. Iconic.
LOL WHOOPS someone got caughhhhhht. I like Grey’s shirt. He seems like he would be a nerd. I love how he’s so awkward about making up excuses too hahah. “He liked to work with people who, well, liked to work” oh Cas. Imagine people liking to work. I’m really liking Grey’s backstory already!! He seems like he might be the most innocent of the bunch but he’s not really innocent at all.
Hey, Cas could totally need an accountant, though. Poor Grey. Getting dragged into shit that he got himself into.
I love how Cas said that Grey won’t get into trouble, but he never said it wasn’t illegal HAHA. I also like how they shook hands in a McDonald’s parking lot and not some shady alley. It fits Grey, and honestly, it fits Cas. Did Cas get a milkshake or a Whopper, that’s the real question. I’m so excited to see more depth to Grey and how he changes by getting involved in this criminal underworld.
Oh, Grey. So innocent to criminals. He’s like the Alex Pettyfer in Magic Mike, isn’t he? And then when Cas says “Welcome to Shoreditch, home of… well, home of me,” and Grey insists he’s not a criminal. Oh Grey. What do you call stealing people’s wallets then?? But I love the way that Cas is like “I am… almost offended” that’s really funny HAHA.
KIERA AND HER EXPLOSIVES. I’M WHEEZING.
I’m still slightly confused as to what the mission is, but I’m really attached to these characters already SO I am ready for the next chapter!!!! Hell yeah!!!! Grey you make that important phone call!!
Author's Response:Look at me, replying a month late. Am I procrastinating the next chapter? Maybe. No further questions at the time.
I honestly couldn't tell you if it's me or this piece either, this is just how I write. :| But I'm glad that it works for the vibe either way! Also, don't know what you mean, shoreditch is SUCH a playground for little kiddies :/
I would hope any of my protagonists were less violent Kaz Brekkers ngl but I see the comparison! I'll accept any and all questions about his backstory, I just might not answer them.
"I’M SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW IN A GOOD WAY." GOOD. You should be confused but intrigued at all times, lmk if I ever don't manage that, tbh, because what would be the point of a heist story if I didn't.
Ngl I am also Cas, ignoring people, LOL. Is it worrying that we have so much in common with him?
"I love carjackers." I'm gonna quote this back at you at all times. Rikki loves carjackers, you heard it here first. Also, note: I also didn't like trafalgar square much?? Like, it was alright, but there's not a lot to see there, so I feel you. M&M world is right around the corner. Also, I would notice someone's manicure, just saying. Very important character detail. :/
To be fair, I can't drive so I can't steal cars to avoid parking... but if I could...
As we know, Van Dort's not real. Honestly, I feel bad for him anyway, he has a dumb name and life. Artists.
I haven't read this book! Should I be? Like, I fee like it's a compliment but I have no idea what it means!! LMAO
Cas would absolutely not want to dirty his hands, you are correct. He's nothing like ol' Dirtyhands Brekker. But that's a good thing in context! I don't think I want him to be Kaz hahaha he's his own person with his own hands dlfjsldfs
IDK what to tell you Cas contains multitudes, he is always simultaneously beaming and frowning, like any proper Londoner
I want to imagine the syndicate needing an actual accountant for their nefarious activities. Please, write this AU for me.
Cas got a cheeseburger, and Grey got chicken nuggets. Whoppers are Burger King smh Rikki learn ur franchises. This is the first time I've thought of their mcdonalds order but ig it's canon now :/
I haven't seen Magic Mike either omg all these references! I imagine that you mean he's the new guy in which case, yes, he's so sweet and innocent, never done a crime in his life, etc etc.
I will get to your next review sometime in 2021 but thank u for ur kind words <3
Hey Jade! :) Let’s pretend like this didn’t languish in my thread for almost two months ok pls and thnk u :s
I appreciate you coming to me to see if the crime/mystery vibe is coming off right in this story because I feel like I’m always giving away too much in my stories, but this is a FANTASTIC setup in the first chapter! This type of thievery story is always intriguing to me because I am always looking to improve my own mystery storytelling, and you give us great insight into what I’m sure will be two of our main characters: Cas King and Phillip Rothmere the Third. Phillip seems like a run-of-the-mill rich kid turned rich adult but I’m very curious to see where you take his character as Cas does this art thievery job for him, and what that means Phillip will request in the future from Cas (or others in the syndicate).
I do hope you get into how Phillip initially got into buying stolen gems and artwork, because that will really develop his character more, I think. Cas clearly is a young guy with a reputation to make and to prove, so I am very excited to see how you go about telling his story and the great theft of this art piece from the little gallery. You’ve got the vibe down right from the start with this one, Jade, and I, for one, can’t wait to see where you take it! :)
~Madi
Author's Response:Hi Madi! No shame on a slow review, dw about it, I'm just glad you stopped by. =D
I'm glad the vibe is working! That's really my biggest stressor ngl but I feel like it's definitely hitting the mark if it's making u question things AND highlights my main characters (I was so worried about whether I had outlined them enough).
I will make a note of that - I definitely have Phillip centric things coming up, so I will endeavour to expand his character a little more, I think! But thank you for stopping by and giving me this great feedback! <3
- Jade
JAAAAADE. ♥?
It might be midnight over here, and I might have some reviews to be doing (slightly more academic, unfortunately), but this is the review that I’d rather be doing, so I’m going to read this instead! First off: your CI is so pretty. I don’t think a CI with Zayn Malik could be called ugly, but I just love your design so much!! I don’t know enough about graphics to compliment it more than I have, but it’s really really really pretty hahahah.
Now onto the chapter!! Your first paragraph is soooo good. It’s really attention grabbing and your writing style has such a ~vibe~ to it already. To quote my mortal enemy, McDonalds… I’m McLovin it. I also McLove your DESCRIPTION of “On one side, holding all the cards and pretending they didn’t” versus “On the other, holding none of the cards but convinced they held them all.” Your writing has such a nice tone to it. I’ve grown tired of comparing every single piece of writing to [x] over-referenced work of YA fiction, so I’m not going to in this case, buuuut I’m in such Suspense right now. I’m excited to see who these criminals are, and while I don’t feel like Rothmere is just that important (though he might be if there’s a plot twist at the end?? We’ll see) I am excited to see what the plot is.
In case you couldn’t tell, I’m writing this review as I’m reading.
I loooooove your writing so much Jade!! The line about Phillip suffering from greed and so did the other guy?? Amazing. I’m so suspicious… the money and the diamond. Are we about to hear the story of how the diamond got stolen?? I’m thinking about Sherlock Holmes’s blue carbuncle case. I have a feeling you have a better story in mind than the shoving the diamond down the throat of a goose, though. And if it was because of a goose… well, I have faith you’d pick a good goose. But TWENTY YEARS? until the diamond’s seen again?? I would say maybe the story takes place 20 years from now, but I don’t think you’re writing in 2039.
“A silence unfilled was an opportunity lost” and that “Phillip could see it behind the eyes: recollection, realisation, resignation. It was like pushing buttons on a vending machine just to see what happened” — I haaaate saying this, but I cannot think of any other way to say this, but: CHEF’S KISS. 10/10. I’m liking this young guy, though. Phillip not so much.
And there it is. CAS. I like all of the tiny lines that you put in about Phillip’s character. It gives you a sort of omniscient narrator tone while at the same time providing so much about his character. And I’ve just realized what your writing style reminds me of, and I thought about whether or not to put it in this review because this has been the only chapter I’ve read so far, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll save it for when you finish this fic. I’ll go back and pull quotes and everything. My own little suspense part!!!
I really thought the diamond would play a larger part in this. This whole situation feels so suspicious to me right now. It seems too perfectly set up!! I’m waiting for some sort of plot twist about both of these people. I like the description that you have of the Mordaunt Gallery; I’ve just finished reading the first 3 books of the H.I.V.E series (no, this isn’t who you remind me of) and as such have just read about teenagers breaking into a ton of places, and your opening descriptions have really reminded me of the way that that author sets up the scene. It’s sort of a lazy pace — but not in a bad way, sort of in a way that SEEMS lazy but there’s a prickle of tension in the air. Very disappointed that Van Dort isn’t a real person though (unless I have googled wrong, which is always a fair case).
And OOOH MY GOD. Cas…. what’s he up to? I have a soft spot for docents, having been one once in my sixth grade museum, so I hope he didn’t have to knock any docents out in the process of getting his uniform. I see that he has an alibi!! Buuuuut obviously that painting had to have been the actual picture.
I’m sooooo curious about this whole thing. Such a sucker for mystery novels. SO excited for the next chapters!!!!
— Rikki
Author's Response:Am I procrastinating my next chapter by replying to this? Yes. But I also said I'd reply before I got the next chapter up, so really, it all checks out. Hello Rikki, nice to meet u, etc etc.
Thank you for your CI compliments! Honestly, I take it just looking pretty - I don't aim for much, art-wise.
(Why is McDonalds your mortal enemy?) BUT THANK YOU, I enjoy my jenky writing too, but specifically, I think it's fun to write people who are foils of each other. >D The Suspense is good, it pleases me that u feel this way
"You'd probably pick a good goose." This is the nicest thing you've ever said to me T_T BUT I think the diamond thing gets resolved slowly, if you read between the lines, but alas, as we now know, the diamond is just here to look good. Although a twenty year heist sounds amazing so like, catch me writing that next.
OMG lmao I literally had a moment like, did I write that?? I did, apparently. Good job me. WHY DO YOU HATE CHEF'S KISS I'm so confused by your likes and dislikes
I genuinely am ridiculously curious to know who you think I write like lmao I'm just like ???? I don't know who you're refering to??? I want to know??? What if I bribe you with more HS??? if I don't, are you still going to tell me what you thought at this point??
(Great I've never read H.I.V.E, so that's a relief) but lmao. Van Dort is not a real person! He is so obscure, he doesn't exist IRL! But he solved a few problems for me, writing-wise, so we love and stan him, and that is all. He's from like the 1600s, I believe, in the notes that I have somewhere.
No docents were harmed in the writing of this heist >D
Anyway see u on the next review homie !!
Hi! I'm back for your request! :D
Oh, the team is growing, I love it! :D I can't wait to see what exactly Cas is planning... this is so exciting! :D I also really loved to see Philip again... I wonder what's his role in all this... basically, I still have no idea what's going on but I'm so excited to find out! :P
Look at Grey, playing his part so well... he's really growing into his new criminal life, isn't it? I still find it so amusing! :P But what exactly was the purpose of that phone call? And how will the meeting, whatever it is about, turn out? Guess we'll see when the time comes...
And we have another mystery... who took all the info about anything art-related from the archives? And also all the contacts? What's going on with the syndacate? I need to know!!!
The conversation with Lennox was great! :D Although I feel like Cas needs to stop asking favours to everyone, he'll end up having too many debts... :P But I like that he's so good at recruiting people... I suppose he's the kind of person who you can't help but say yes to? And I guess as a reader you have to root for him, so that's okay anyway... :P
I'm really enjoying this so, so much! It's so intriguing and so well written amd atmospheric and I just want to get to the bottom of all the mysteries here! :D You are really good at keeping the reader hooked, so great job on that! :D
Please, come back to my thread when you update, I really want to see what happens next! :D
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Please forgive me for my late AF response! But I am here now! (I had to re-read the chapter hahaha.)
I love that this is making you ask questions, I feel like that's the vibe I was going for with this chapter especially, trying to set up all of these plot threads without showing where they went sldjfjlsd (mystery stories b like that). I think the phone call becomes more obvious next chapter, or maybe the one after (hard to remember) but it's definitely, you know, resolved, in as much as these things are.
Lennox is one of my faves so this pleases me! Cas is in SO MUCH DEBT though you're so right hahaha he really needs to chill, but I wanted to definitely play around with the concept of what he can get without obviously having money on hand - apparently, this involves just cutting deals with absolutely everyone you see LOL. #relatable
I'm glad you're liking it so far though! I will be definitely stopping by with the most recent chapter to ur thread, I love ur reviews <3
- Jade
Okay, so... Cas isn't the one who stole Deux chats et un chien? I will admit that I did consider that possibility, but if it wasn't him, then who? And what happened to the Shoreditch Syndicate? What exactly is Cas planning? I have so many questions... like, so, so many! And I love it! :D
I'm already loving this trio! The dynamics between Cas and Keira are so amusing... I'm getting some Jily vibes, which is always so great! :P And I really like the Cas/Grey mentor/apprehentice dynamic, too! It's a bit hilarious that Grey is like, "I'm not a criminal" but then he goes around pickpocketing and he immediately agrees when Cas proposes his plan :P I feel like it's going to be entertaining seeing the three of them working together... :P
And talking about amusing stuff... There were a lot of places where it was okay to be alone. A jail cell, for example. A bank vault. A bathroom was often preferable, in proper circumstances. This line was brilliant! I loved it so much! :D
And I loved your descriptions of London! Do you live there? It just felt so detailed and authentic! Btw, another line that stood out to me: as they pushed past more tourists than before, all armed with a selection of cameras, shopping bags, and tired children Such a vivid image in such a short sentence! I love it!
I'm sure there's more I could comment on, but I can't think of anything right now... anyway, I really loved this chapter, too! This is a brilliant idea for a story and I think you are executing it magistrally! So, so good!
Thank you for coming to my thread! And feel free to stop by again when you update, I'd love to read more! <3
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi Chiara!
Hahaha, one does wonder. He was present for the crime, at least :'D But I am loving all these questions, because they're pretty much what I was aiming for lmao so it pleases me that these are, yknow, the things we're wondering about
I didn't realise they had Jily vibes but the moment you mentioned it, I was like, "oh yeah, I see it." They definitely have a bit of a dynamic between them, but that happens when you're just two criminals living in the big city. Grey is clearly just a walking contradiction, we can't hold that against him
I don't live in London, no! I have visited a lot and definitely seen some of these places IRL (not Shoreditch station though, could you imagine), so it's nice to know I'm getting that good description in LOL.
I'm glad you're liking it! I probably will stop by later when I get further chapters up, no shame, but thank u for this review as well <3
- Jade
Any access or use of the FanficTalk Archive is conditioned upon compliance with our Site Guidelines and Terms of Service and the Copyright Policy and Privacy Policy contained therein. Should you have any questions about them, you are very welcome to contact any of our archive validators. For advanced searching, please click here.
Any characters, source code, text, or titles contained herein which are recognizable as copyrighted material are the sole property of their owners.