Name: PinsandKneazles (Signed) · Date: 26 Jun 2021 07:41 AM · For: only the wounded know the wounded

Hello! I thought I'd drop by your AP today :) I had a couple of reviews to transfer over for you from HPFF but I can't find your story on there any more; I guess you've taken it down? Aaaaaanyway, as I was perusing your page, this story caught my eye. I had to read it, especially after I read the first line about Meera hating April in the UK, because I'm Meera and I hate April in the UK too! It's such a disappointingly dreary, nondescript month that holds a few days of promise followed by three weeks of non-stop rain. Yeah. I'm definitely with her on that one.

 

Gosh, this story. The primary topic of miscarriage is such a complex, emotive one yet your story is so incredibly beautiful and sensitively-written - I'm not sure how it made me feel by the end. Hopeful? Wistful? Angry? Resentful? Bravely optimistic? Some as yet-to-be-defined emotion I have no words for? Probably that last one, actually. The way Meera wants to let rip with her anguish but is bound by societal expectations and how certain topics are considered taboo or unlucky, just to preserve the sensibilities of others without benefitting the recipient of the grief - that really got to me.

This line:

 

If she could, she would steal some of fortune’s weapons and strike the blows herself in the hopes of mitigating some of the inevitable pain that is to come.

Oof. So beautifully written. I am aching for her :(

Oh Meera. There's obviously some underlying reason why she's struggling to carry to term; a disease she's perhaps acquired during childhood or was born with? Juvenile rhematoid arthritis or something similar?

 

I know this is a poignant story, but can I take a minute to wax lyrical over your food descriptions, because it brought back so many lovely memories of home cooking?? I could SMELL frying onions and coriander. Over-ripe mangoes are THE WORST to peel. Yakov is mad to want porridge when he could have mango, especially as he could use magic to skin and dice it, and why is he having tea when he could have chai?? And I simply adore the idea of a thali restaurant in Diagon Alley serving hot dosas and coconut chutney. Such a sweet scene with Florean Fortescue (making mango lassi! I wonder if it had always been on his menu or something he was inspired to make when Yakov's parents started up their restaurant? Your descriptions were so poetic. 

 

I love the way you contrast the vivacity, colour and splendour of India with monochromes and conservatism of the UK and the switch from Hinduism to Christianity - did Meera take her husband's religion when she married him? Or was the church just a convenient place of worship for this particular moment? 

 

Quick random question: Is Yakov magical and Meera a muggle?

 

Love the cameo appearance of the Weasleys at the end.

 

I really loved this story and I'll definitely check out others in this series too.

 

Thank you for the thought-provoking read 

 

Pins x

 

 

 

 

Author's Response:

Omg, thank you for this amazing review!! I'm so thrilled you enjoyed the story. I loved writing it. 

Meera has lupus, which makes it difficult for her to carry to term, and causes other problems. 

Yakov and Meera are both magical. As are Yakov's parents, who live with them and run the restaurant (though I guess the don't actually appear in this story). 

You can always stop and talk about food! It's one of my favorite things in writing when authors tell us what everyone is eating.

I hadn't planned to make the ending of this story so open, but when I got to the end, it just wanted to be that way. Any and all of those emotoins would fit.

Thank you again for this amazing review--I'm overwhelmed :')

Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 27 Feb 2021 10:00 AM · For: only the wounded know the wounded

Hey, Noelle, my love! How are you? <3

Okay, so, I'm doing some quick last minute reading for the inkys, so here I am! :P Apologies in advance if this is going to be a relatively short review...

I suppose these are Isahak's parents? This was a really lovely background story! Sad, of course, but still lovely. Your descriptions are excellent as always, especially the contrast of the English grays and the colourfullness of Meera's memories from India. So effective!

Yakov is such a sweet man. But I can see how Meera can't stand his kindness right now. I can't imagine what it must be like to have had so many miscarriages and being pregnant again and not knowing how it'll end this time. Her discouragement is so understandable and so heartbreaking. And this: In truth, she's always thought this taboo on spreading the news of a pregnancy too early is more about protecting society from having to bear uncomfortable news than it is about protecting the mother or the tiny child. This way, if the mother loses the baby before some arbitrary "too early" time, she can suffer in solitary silence without bothering anyone. Oh, my! Yes, this rings so true, and it's actually enraging to think about it this way.

Her "argument" with god was so great to see, too. You wrote it so well, but then, again, you have a way of writing religious/spiritual themes that's just so very good! And the little mention/encounter with the Weasleys made me smile.

Lovely job as always!

Snowball hug,

Chiara

Author's Response:

Hi Chiara! 

 

Yes, Yakov and Meera are Isahak's parents. I hope to someday write a longer story about how they got together, and maybe some stories about them with Isahak before Meera passes away. So many ideas, so little time...

 

Yakov is super sweet, but he can be pretty absent minded too. And when he gets wrapped up in his work, it's hard for him to pay attention to anything else. I feel a little bad for him in the beginning of this story, because there wasn't really anything he could possibly have said or done to make Meera feel better then. 

 

It's always made me mad that women are supposed to hide their pregnancies until the danger of misccarriage has "passed." 

 

Thank you so much for this lovely review!!

Name: prideofprewett (Signed) · Date: 04 Feb 2021 11:00 AM · For: only the wounded know the wounded

Here to spread some love on "married people," stories for the fairyland event! 

 

Wow, Noelle. This was. Gorgeous. Forlorn. Vivid. Emotive. Wonderful. 

 

I really don't know how to find the right words, but I will try. 

 

First off, writing about miscarriages...it can feel dramatic and traumatic and just...it's very difficult to convey the nuances of varied feelings that women experiencing it go through. I think you do that exceptionally well though. I really like how you show Meera's anger and her need to push her husband away. It's very difficult (in my opinion) to face the person with whom you're trying to have a child with in these situations. It forces out vulnerability that is uncomfortable, even if there is great love between those two people (like you convey with Meera and Yaskov), seeing that person is almost like a reminder of one's inability to carry a child to term. I think you manage to say all of those things without actually saying all of those things, so that was lovely. 

 

You also do this thing in this piece where you poetically show Meera's emotions. I especially loved this line: "...she attacks the stairs down to the street with a vengeance, pounding them beneath her sandaled feet." It's such a strong image that also speaks to her emotions overflowing from the earlier argument with her husband. 

 

The moment with Florian was sweet. I mean the depictions of the parlor (those ice cream cone shaped stools were a wonderful image) were bright and cheery. Which is what Meera was likely looking for, an escape into something overtly happy. And the conversation was effective for disclosing her fears without feeling like it was oversharing or "betraying," intimacies with her husband. I also really enjoyed seeing the lassi creation in my mind. Again Noelle, you're amazing with describing action. I am seriously envious hah. Well not, really, but I admire your abilities a heck of a lot. :) 

 

Also this was a really interesting way of thinking about announcing pregnancies.

 

"In truth, she’s always thought this taboo on spreading the news of a pregnancy too early is more about protecting society from having to bear uncomfortable news than it is about protecting the mother or the tiny child. This way, if the mother loses the baby before some arbitrary “too early” time, she can suffer in solitary silence without bothering anyone."

 

I suppose I can see this side of it. I think there's also this fear of being viewed as defective or as a failure in this moment. Like the moment you tell people you are pregnant there are these immediate expectations placed on you as a person, mother, partner, etc. And we see that in action a bit with Yaskou in the beginning when he tells her to go easy on herself because it's "a delicate time." And I think we see that here too because if you tell people too early there's likely a judgment associated with that too. I just thought this excerpt was a unique way of putting things as I've never read anything remotely like it.

 

As always, I love your inclusion of religion in this. I think there's also an idea of people turn to God/religion more readily in times of need. And I find it totally believable that Meera has doubts and is seeking answers in the church. Especially when we learn she's a convert. I think that experience is a different one for everyone. Everyone has different motivations for doing it. And we see hers as primarily being for the love of her husband, which I think is totally fine and I'm not knocking that (I have parents who totally did that). So I think her earlier feelings of being against his love or fighting his love are also kind of reflected in this moment in the church to start.

 

This notion of her imaging God's response to what she's saying to him. I love it a lot. 

 

And gosh, I have a lot of complicated feelings about where miscarried babies go and what my religion growing up teaches. I just can't believe in a God who would punish something unborn or half formed to live in a "limbo-esque," world. So I totally feel Meera's despair and uncertainty and fear on this score. I love that her thought progression goes from them being in limbo, to heaven, to a reunion on the last day. I think maybe you were trying to suggest there is hope for her to see them again since that is her final thought? I don't know, but that's kind of how I interpreted that moment before we see that the world is reflecting rainbow light. I think that kind of solidified my thoughts on that complicated issue that's plagued me before.

 

Of course, I fucking love see the Weasleys in this. And naturally Molly Weasley with her seven children is a foil to Meera's character in terms of becoming a mother. I like how this ends on a hopeful note though. She finds joy in the innocence of other children. I mean, it would totally be easier to be jaded and envious of Molly and shoot her a vengeful look as opposed to a smiling at her kids. In fact, I'm not proud to admit that I've felt that way before. So I think the implication that Meera has God on her side and now that she understands where her unborn children are, it's given her some kind of freedom. Naturally she feels lighter and can smile at the children and their existence. Whereas I think if they were to appear in the beginning of this piece, she likely would not have been able to smile. 

 

I think you show this lightness within her character further with the last part. Whether or not she has this child, there is the promise of reunion one day. So I think that enables her to not feel despair anymore. And of course, Noelle, that last line was absolutely stunning. Spinning around with arms outstretched "on the breath of God," gave me so much hope for her. 

 

One other thing I want to point out about this piece is the title. I think it is SO fitting for the subject matter. It kind of implies that "I wasn't doing anything wrong, all I was doing was breathing, and then I lost the baby." Maybe that wasn't your intention. Maybe that's just me and my experience kind of shining through. But I think it can totally speak to a woman's natural response to blame herself or come up with excuses to justify why it happened. Or to rationalize why it happened. Because not everyone blames themselves for this. Everyone has a TOTALLY different experience of this, if they sadly do experience it.  

 

Anyway Noelle, this story was amazing. I definitely want more Meera and Yaskou stories (if you're up for it) because I totally fell in love with these characters and the love they have for one another in spite of the difficulties they've been having. 

 

Brava! 

 

<3 Courtney 

 

* team ice otter * 

Author's Response:

Thank you for this AMAZING review!!! You've caught everything I was trying to put into this story. Misscarriage is one of those things that doesn't get talked or written about as much, and it affects so many woman. And you don't find that out until you have one yourself, and women you know who've had one start coming out of the woodwork to talk to you about it. 

 

I totally agree, if Meera had seen Molly and the kids at the beginning of the story, she would have been angry. But at the end she is able to smile at them. I totally need to do a follow up story with Molly and Meera and the baby at church :eyes:

 

Thank you so so much for this review. This story means a lot to me and I'm so glad you enjoyed it!! I will put more Meera/Yakov stories on my to-write list for sure

 

Yours,

Noelle

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2021 03:41 PM · For: only the wounded know the wounded

Hi, Noelle.

 

I have been trolling through the lists of authors on the archive, looking for stories to review and not finding anything.  And then I thought ‘What a doofus I am!  I know where to find good stories,’ and I came straight to your page.

 

Words cannot express how impressed I am with this story.  Your writing is wonderful.  Every word is just perfect.  You use them fabulously.  When I write, I am often searching for the right word; maybe you are too, but you always find just the right word, not merely an approximation, in sentence after sentence after sentence.  I could quote some outstanding phrases or sentences, but there’s really no need — just read any sentence at random, and it will be one of the great ones.

 

I very much appreciate that you have told Meera’s story so perfectly without resorting to any flashbacks or chunks of exposition to bring us readers up to speed with the background of her story.  They are not needed.  Everything we need to know is right there, in the here and now of Meera’s day.  And without these digressions to break up the narrative and drag down the pace, our interest never flags, except to linger momentarily over a particularly apt use of language or turn of phrase and savor it, wondering if we ourselves could have thought of something so insightful, so evocative.

 

Meera’s mood of anger, frustration, and despair shows up in everything she says and does in the first part of the story.  She cannot count her blessings, only her anti-blessings (there’s probably a real word for that, and you probably know what it is, but you know what I mean).  The chief one of these is her inability (so far) to carry a pregnancy to term, so that she cannot hope at all any more, saying “The baby is not going to grow, whatever I do… It will be like all the other times.”

 

Then there are, in no particular order, her joint-pain disease (rheumatoid arthritis?), the weather (perpetually cold, rainy, and dreary), her bickering with her husband (believing that her troubles are partly his fault), her unhappiness about his long work hours away from her, 

the visual drabness of London as compared with the vivid colors of her home in India… (I’m probably missing a few things here).  Oh wait, here’s another one: “the comfortable approximation of home that is her in-laws’ restaurant.”  She misses her home in India.

 

You have a wonderful summation of Meera’s mental state as she leaves her apartment in the beginning of the story after bickering with her husband, acting as if everything he says and does is wrong.  “…she is in no mood to stifle her anger.  She’s been standing on the precipice for days looking down into the abyss of fear as this appointment approaches.  Anger is her lifeline, keeping her from plunging over the edge, and she can’t let go of it now.”  Using anger as a barricade against fear.  People do that so often.   Or sarcasm, as when she tells herself that her skill in pounding spices merely proves that her specialty is in destroying things.

 

It is interesting that she will accept comforting, supportive words from Florean Fortescue, maybe because the interior of her shop reminds her of her home in India with all its bright colors, or maybe because he will listen to her complaints without offering unasked for advice, or because he makes her feel special and important, giving her all his attention.

 

You have another great group of lines here.  “It’ll probably end the way all the others have.  She is tempting fate still by speaking these horrible words; but she doesn’t care about that either.  If she could, she would steal some of fortune’s weapons and strike the blows herself in the hopes of mitigating some of the inevitable pain that is to come.”  I don’t know where you come up with this great stuff.  “Fortune’s weapons.”

 

So she ends up at St. Matilda’s Church in Wandsworth.  I went on the internet to find this church, curious to know if the door-knocker, which is in the form of a creature with eyes, looked like the head of a lion, but I found that there was no church in Wentworth dedicated to Matilda. So I clicked on some churches dedicated to other saints, hoping for a look at their door-knockers, but no luck.

 

At first the interior of church lives up to her low opinion of everything British, gray and unadorned. (And we think our churches are beautiful, even if they are not ablaze with vivid color everywhere.) I suppose that she already knows, the liturgical season being Easter, that the consecrated bread will be sitting in view on the monstrance, but I did not realize that there is a tradition that when it is exposed for viewing, there should always be at least one person there with it so that it it not left alone, unattended.

 

This explains her attempt to lower the kneeler without making a sound — if she can avoid waking the old man sleeping in the pew, then she can leave when she wants to because he will still be there, keeping the Blessed Sacrament company. But no such luck; the old man awakens and leaves the church, and now she feels stuck there until someone else comes along.

 

As you so beautifully carry the story through this climactic part, it turns out that being stuck in the church is all to the good, because it gives Meera time to confront God, whom she encounters as not something abstract and far away, but something tangible and present there in the chapel with her.  She can talk directly to Him because He is so near that she could reach out and touch Him if she wanted to.  

 

The conversation Meera has with God is magnificent.  She lays open all her questions and fears and places them at His feet.  And then she sees a sign that He hears and understands and that she is not alone.  (I compare this with the lines in my story Tiramisu, where Martin cries out “Where are you, God?’ and “Are you even listening, God?”)

 

Luckily some other people come into the church, and by their arrival we can place a date on this story - around 1987 or 1988 - and Meera is free to go.  Your last line is, as always, just right.  “…she is as light as a feather on the breath of God.”

 

I was impressed by your use of dialogue in this story.  There are three episodes of dialogue, each playing a major role in the development of the events of this day.  The first dialogue, with her husband Yakov at her home, establishes her mood and fears at the outset of the story.  The second dialogue, with Florian Fortescue at his shop of comforting sweet treats, soothes her mood and offers friendship, and the final dialogue, with God Himself at the Church of St. Matilda, where she finally opens her heart to God, gives her answers to her questions (“I understand”) and finally lifts the burden from her heart.  

 

In all these conversations, the lines of dialogue are short, pithy, to the point, without any rambling or vagueness.  I never asked myself, “What was the point of that?”  The point was perfectly clear.  We don’t always talk like that in real life, but we ought to!

 

Character development, description, visual impact, important theme, originality, story arc, perfect use of language — this story has it all.  You may be sure that I will be nominating it for a Golden Ink award.  Thank you for writing!

 

Vicki

 

 

 

 

Author's Response:

Vicki, I am totally blown away by this review! And I'm so so flattered by how much you like my writing. All those compliments mean so much more coming from you!

 

I actually love the phrase anti-blessings--that's brilliant, and counting them is exactly what Meera is doing through most of this story.

 

Meera suffers from lupus, which is why she's had so much trouble carrying a pregnancy to term.

 

I will confess, I made up St Matilda's out of whole cloth, and put a bunch of things I wish were in a church all together in it. I believe I chose the Wandsworth neighborhood for its location because in my head, the MACUSA embassy is in Wandsworth. There *is* a church somewhere that has a greenman door knocker on it, but I can't remember where it is now.

 

Thank you so much for this amazing review!

 

Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 20 Jan 2021 01:37 PM · For: only the wounded know the wounded

Hello! Hope you're well! This is one of those stories where as soon as I read the summary I was like 'Oh yeah, I'm going to like this one' and just knew your writing would be gorgeous - but just that first paragraph? Perfection. I feel like I could stop right here. I love the perspective you've taken, so that it feels like it's narrated by a storyteller, and I love that instantly the descriptions place us so beautifully. That, yes, this is England, but English is not who these people are. Love. I'm also really hungry so those descriptions feel so visceral to me at the moment!

 

Yakov is so tender, I instantly love him. He's such a contrast to Meera, which is perfect, but my heart aches for her anger and low expectations over her pregnancy. I love her fiery temper!

 

Fortescue is one of my favourite underrated/tiny minor characters. I think it's just the idea of magical ice cream. But I love this presence in this story so much! I love that he's acting like a barman would, asking after his customer's troubles, but of course in a more appropriate setting for a pregnant mama!

 

Your descriptions really are so beautiful. I'm completely transported. And that scene with Meera in the church was just so amazingly gorgeous.

 

Absolutely loved this, my dear! Thank you for writing it!

Author's Response:

Thank you so much! I'm so flattered that you enjoyed this story.

 

Meera is super fiery, and Yakov and his tenderness is a good balance for her fire. I need to write more about them.

 

Fortescue is one of my favorite minor characters too! The history and the ice cream together does it for me.

 

Thank you so much for this lovely review!