Name: la_topolina (Signed) · Date: 11 Oct 2020 01:14 AM · For: The Meeting of the Minds

Hi Blanche! I’m here to leave you a little review for your birthday :D

 

You write Minerva and Albus particularly well. I think you have a good grasp on Minerva’s intelligence—and her temper—and since this chapter is from her point of view we get to know all her inner thoughts (which are, as I would expect, a little more turbulent than her crisp and professional exterior). Albus is whimsical with an undercurrent of being too smart for the room, and I enjoyed him very much.

 

‘Why did they keep that from me?’ asked Harry. ‘ I don’t think Harry having magic would be healthy for Dudley’s self esteem. ’ 

 

FYI: These lines were all together on one line and it looks to me like maybe they are being spoken by different people? You might want to go back and add a paragraph break between them.

 

I LOVE the thought of Harry being raised by the Tonks family. YAY! I also enjoyed seeing Minerva and Caroline Bingley (!!) read Albus the riot act. 

 

Severus lurking around in this chapter was also delightful. I wonder what he has in store for Harry the Slytherin (!)

 

Nice work and Happy Birthday!

 

Yours,

Noelle

Author's Response:

Hi Noelle! Thanks for your review and thank you for the well wishes.

I enjoy writing the professors, sometimes more than writing the main cast.

I made some edits to that scene for some more clarity. I hope that helps other people.

I tried thinking of a non-Gryffindor family that Dumbledore would ask the Ministry to house Harry with, and I felt the Tonkses were perfect.

Minerva being a BAMF is what I live for some days. She had to have called Dumbledore out at some points, but we never saw that in canon.

Aw man. Severus is going to be a delight.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the fic. It was a pleasure to write it.

Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 26 Sep 2020 08:44 AM · For: The Meeting of the Minds

I'm enjoying this story more and more with each chapter, and I applaud your commitment to rewriting the story like this!

 

I espeically loved the part where the professors were told about the protection for the Stone, even if they didn't know the whole story. The protections around it were such a cool thing so I loved seeing them get to discuss it. I also loved seeing Quirrel! And your writing of Dumbledore is so spot on! In fact, all your characterisations of the professors were really great!

 

I actually really feel for Petunia here, tbh. It would have been so hard being reminded of Lily and the magical world all the time. So while it was sad that she decided to give him up, at least she admitted that she couldn't? And the fact that he's going to live with the Tonks family has me really excited, haha.

 

Great job on this! I can't wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response:

THE TONKSES.

Fantastically underrated characters, here. They are glorious. Some people say that Harry should live with the Weasleys. I SAY DIFFERENT. 

Thank you for your kind reviews on this and A Night on the Town. It really means a lot to me that you took the time to do them. Hopefully I can keep up the momentum with the next book, whenever it gets written. 

Until then, go pet some dragons!

Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 26 Sep 2020 03:35 AM · For: A Very Normal Family

Wow, you definitely gave Harry a nicer life here! The Dursleys are nicer to him, and he even has friends at school, which I don't think he had in the books. Petunia even talking to him about expecting the letter was sweet, too. And I like that he sees the snake at school! Seems slightly unlikely for a school in England, though.

 

I loved reading about those stories of Harry's magic before he turned 11, so I love that you've actually written them out for us! And Harry being good at magic tricks is a very sweet and nudge-nudge detail!

 

Harry recieving his letter was very tame! But I suppose you have to draw the line somewhere when rewriting the books! And wow, being a new wizard sounds very expensive, haha.

 

I really enjoyed this chapter! I forgot to mention in my last review but your writing style is really lovely, it's nice to read and flows really well!

Author's Response:

I like how Harry teleporting around is fine but a snake? In Little Whinging? I'm kidding of course. It was a little bit of a stretch, but I chalk it up to me growing up in prime snake territory (Southeastern US) and projecting onto Southeastern England. 

The Dursleys didn't fit the tone of the later books as well as they did the earlier ones. They were extreme, a... well, a children's book version of abusive relatives. Though they didn't feature much in this fic I wanted to yet again make the tone match the scenario rather than canon. Since I'm going with a darker, more realistic version of events (even moreso in later chapters / installments), I knew that something similar happening to a kid as Harry went through during the books would cause irrevocable and dramatic psychological harm, making it very unlikely Harry could do what he had to in the first and later books. I'm not an expert in psychology by any means and I don't want to present myself as one, but talking with other people and doing my own research on abusive households made me change the dynamic between Harry and the Dursleys severely. 

Otherwise, yeah! I also like stories with Harry discovering his magic before 11. It is a very nice area to explore with not a lot of canon behind it except for a few scant mentions in canon Chapter Two. 

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for your compliment of my writing style. It means a lot to hear that. 

Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 26 Sep 2020 03:21 AM · For: The Broken Cottage

I've heard so much about this story and know you work hard on it so I'm excited to dive in!

 

I like that you start with a scene we know so well but haven't actually seen. I kind of wish you didn't write it, haha. It's just devastating. It's easy to forget that someone had to find the bodies. It's so sad. Same with seeing Sirius, as well. The fact that he gave Hagrid his motorbike is so underrated, I feel.

 

I love all the extra details you included in this chapter, like the curious Muggles, James' ring disappearing when he died, probably to the family vault. I have a feeling the whole story will be full of these little details!

 

I also really loved getting the conversation with the Aurors, too. I like how you really thought out these events so carefully and made them realistic. The conversation with Petunia is great, too! I especially liked how she remembered how uncontrolled magic comes in at a young age, because of course she would have seen it for herself in Lily!

 

This was such a great beginning chapter! I'm excited to see what's in store!

Author's Response:

I love throwing in little details. For instance, A Night on the Town features George Hornby, who has a little girl named Olive. Olive Hornby was a Ravenclaw (?) during Tom Riddle's years who made fun of Myrtle Warren's glasses, inadvertently causing Myrtle to be killed by the Basilisk in the second floor girl's bathroom. Little details are where it's at. 

My goal with this fic was to make the world of HP make a little bit more sense. I know that a lot of the little hiccups come from the books being written over a 10 year period as well as Rowling's own failings as a literary mathemetician or social commentator. Well, that accounts for most of them. Regardless, it was a personal duty to right the wrongs of a near and dear fandom, starting with the opening chapter.

Glad you liked it!

Name: la_topolina (Signed) · Date: 21 Sep 2020 12:11 AM · For: A Very Normal Family

Hi Blanche! I’m here for your forum request :D

 

I think you did an excellent job characterizing Harry in this chapter, and also the Dursleys. It’s obvious that the Dursleys are still neglectful/abusive, but they aren’t quite as horrifically so. Harry has his own room and isn’t sleeping under the stairs. He has friends (that part made me happy and I wonder if we’ll see any of his Muggle friends later). Petunia and Vernon talk to him like he’s sort of human. Dudley is still using him as a punching bag, and the way that Harry seems to have internalized that it’s somehow his own fault (of course it isn’t, but it’s true that kids who are abused often believe it is there fault) was heartbreaking.

 

I loved seeing Harry talking to snakes and teleporting away from Dudley. And then figuring out that he had magic! And the matter of fact way that Harry accepted that he had magic and the way that he was trying to plan for his future—first as a gardener and then as a magician really touched my heart.

 

I liked your improved list of supplies—awesome to have the Muggle born wizards taking a class on wizarding society!

 

I also liked the librarian and that Harry was spending time in the library—and that he likes to read books!

 

Petunia has a lot of reasons to cry, and it makes her more human for Harry to overhear it happening.

 

Nice work!

 

Yours,

Noelle

Author's Response:

I hope to bring back a few of Harry's Muggle friends later on.  

I really thought it was unfair how the Muggleborns didn't have that class. I think that should be the first priority, especially in a society that favors integration rather than diversity like the canon wizarding world. This will come up more clearly later on. 

I liked Ms Valois too. I was planning on naming her Ms. Bennet and having her secret name be Mary, but I thought two Pride and Prejudice references was enough for one book. There will be more!

Petunia was a difficult person to write. I don't plan on including her much in subsequent narratives, but I really found it difficult to empathize with her. 

 

Thank you Noelle!

Name: tinyporcelainehorses (Signed) · Date: 15 Sep 2020 07:00 PM · For: A Very Normal Family

I'm enjoying some more of Harry's persepctive on his pre-Hogwarts days, and I think this is a particularly interesting take on the Dursleys. (It also gave me a powerful craving for breakfast and eggs.) Petunia's characterisation in her 'going away party' chat with Harry is such a fine balance, and you've struck it perfectly. The same with Vernon's reaction to Harry's letter. I have so many feelings about all of this - it's easy to write the Dursleys as worse than canon, it's possible to write them as rather better, but you've struck this wonderful fine balance where they're not as openly bad as in canon, but there's still a real sense of neglect and emotional absence there that manages to be more realistic while giving Harry that same craving for family and normalcy he has in the books.

"Harry’s teleportation seemed to happen more than it used to. He didn’t really know why. It wasn’t dangerous though, so he guessed it was alright." thisisfine.jpeg

I like Harry's drive to find what he's going to do when he grows up - and that his answers are so realistically 10 years old. Why, of course my career choices are between 'gardener' and 'famous stage magician'. I also love the idea of disappearing the coin by accidental magic, while trying to do 'magic'.

"To reply, please burn this letter after reading." OH THIS IS COOL. Also a big fan of you introducing an acclimatisation class for muggleborn students - including Latin lessons!

I also like your choice to reuse a few phrases and small lines from the book throughout - it's a nice way to play on familiarity and contrast us with what we already know.

I've talked about Petunia's characterisation earlier in this comment, but that ending. Wow. Absolutely stellar.

Author's Response:

Hey tiny!

I've responded to your review on AO3, but I'll continue here. I had a lot of ideas that just made sense compared to canon. Like why would Harry not be deeply traumatized from being locked in a cupboard? How is it that they expect people to actually accept their offer in canon? Mind boggling.

 

#CanonRewriteBestRewrite

Name: tinyporcelainehorses (Signed) · Date: 15 Sep 2020 05:07 PM · For: The Broken Cottage

I'm really enjoying this opening chapter. There's something really interesting about opening with them finding Harry - such an interesting and necessary scene, and it's great to see it. I also love that Dumbledore is in his dressing gown - whether intentional or not, it's a great reference to the Chrestomanci books.

"A ring on James’ left pinky finger winked out of existence as Albus passed, hopefully returning to the family vault. " - this is a great little detail. Other details I love are seeing how Hagrid gets the photo album, and the questions to establish Sirius' identity. (I particularly enjoy seeing this technique from the second war in full use in the first.)

"'Even now I could cut through the four of you like carving a cake,' said Albus softly, making no move for his wand." - this line is SO good. And Moody is here? Be still my beating heart.

I have always wondered what happened to Voldemort's wand between now and the fourth book, and I'm so interested to see what's happening with it here - can't wait to follow it further down the line. I'm also very keen on the idea of checking Harry in at Saint Mungos first, because that boy REALLY needed a checkup. Getting to see this whole sequence of events from Dumbledore's perspective, getting to watch his decisions is fascinating.

He goes in to see the Dursleys? I really like this - it's a lot more responsible than a letter. I also feel like you capture both Vernon and Petunia perfectly - that moment of 'no pamphlets' is dead on. I think it's a really interesting choice here that Harry not being told about the wizarding world is a deliberate choice from the Hogwarts staff, rather than something Hagrid is shocked by - I'm looking forward to see where some of these changes take events after this.

Great first chapter - I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response:

I'm glad you liked it. There's a lot of time until we get to where Voldemort's wand ended up :)

Name: la_topolina (Signed) · Date: 22 Aug 2020 08:58 PM · For: The Broken Cottage

Hi Blanche!

 

I’m very excited about this project—it’s so ambitious! 

 

You’ve done some really interesting things in this first chapter. First of all, I love all the magic. The way you describe Albus’s spells is vivid, and I enjoy that you took the time to use them and show them to the reader. 

 

Seeing the Harry Potter adults act like adults was refreshing. Even though the result was the same—Harry still has to go live with the Dursleys—you made a good case for why a reasonable person would leave him there. Vernon and Petunia’s reactions were also sympathetic, and while I don’t expect them to be perfect (or even good necessarily) they aren’t so wicked here as to complain about taking on the care of their orphan nephew.

 

Nice work on this—I’m looking forward to the next chapter!

 

Yours,

Noelle

Author's Response:

Hi Noelle!

Thanks for the review. Magic is a huge part of this fandom and apart from a choice few ficsthat I've read, it seems to be the last priority of authors - not neccessarily a bad thing. It could also be that I'm looking in the wrong places. In any case, I made magic a focal point of this story, as it really is the most important and interesting aspect of fantasy for me. I'm glad you liked the descriptions!

It didn't make much sense to me on closer inspection why Dumbledore, much less McGonagall, would choose to leave a baby on a doorstep. It seemed to be a general theme - my general confusion why adults in HP do something so out of character or beyond normal belief even when the plot doesn't require it. It comes up later on, particularly with Snape and even the Dursleys. 

Thanks again!

Professor McGonagall, aka Blanche Devereux