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I really, really enjoyed your details in this chapter as we got to know Edmund. Things like his authentic detective gear that really isn't authentic detective gear, a cap and a leather jacket, but that's his uniform that makes him feel like the real deal (and I'm sure serves the purpose!) Or his siblings sharpening pencils down to the right size to fit in his pocket, what a great touch.
Edmund perhaps has his own demons (like his father's death) but overall he doesn't seem cynical (yet) like your prototypical noir detective. He still seems a bit bright eyed and even doesn't mind taking the "case" of finding the kitty.
Looking forward to seeing where this goes now that we've been properly introduced to the two protagonists!
Melanie
Hi Juls! Am I FINALLY here to judge my Noir Challenge? Yes I am!
First of all, I'm so tickled by your punny noir chapter titles, haha! AND the double meaning of your story title, cold of course because he's a vampire but also a cold case and it is indeed a very, very cold case, I hadn't expected it to be historical, so that's interesting and a fresh idea!
I'm so amused by Leander running a bar as a way to get a break from the weight of everything else he's been doing to maintain secrecy of magical/fantasy beings. Of course no noir story is complete without a detective and a bar, so we're off to a good start here!
Melanie
Hi Juls! I'm back for Slytherin Review Tag 9/2020.
I like and want to know more about Edmund too. What a family he has! This is so wholesome with all of his family members who obviously care for him. I like all the tokens and supplies they gave him when he started his private eye business.
I also like how they have these connections to the magical world--a vampire and a werewolf who are looking over them. I'm guessing that Leander is hiring Edmund to solve this case both because he wants answers and because he wants to help Edmund out financially.
Interested to see where you take this!
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Juls! I'm here for Slytherin Review Tag, 9/2020.
I really like the way you introduce Leander in this story. The fact that he has this pretty prestigious past, and yet he's amusing himself by slumming running a bar on the wrong side of London makes him sound like the sort of character I'd like to get to know better. I'm also intrested that he's teamed up with his descendant who just happens to be a detective. And solving a centuries old murder mystery--sign me up!
Nice hook!
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Juls,
I know how it is to have a smaller house around HC time, and I wanted to stop by here because you deserve some love for your amazing leadership, and also because let’s face it, this story sounds fab.
Let’s gooo!
DEAD you say? Is Leander dead? This seems like more than a “wee problem” hahaha.
Ah, a vampire. I see. That is distinctly less problematic than a zombie, tbh, but I remain concerned :P
Seedy bar… detective agency… young vampire… you have my attention.
“There were actual monsters out there, after all”
^GOLD
Gosh, imagine watching the muggle/magic dynamic unfold over 500 years! That would be fascinating. I really love how you are tying history in with this. It reminds me of the flashbacks to when Angel became a vampire in Buffy. In a good way. Without the horrific accents. :P
The contrast between Leander and Edmund is especially great because from the sound of things, Edmund is legitimately a young man. I don’t know how well I’d tolerate youth if I’d been an adult for 480 years! Surely their cultures are quite different from each other.
OOOOH! A historical mystery! I didn’t expect that! It’s really sweet that Leander wants to use this as a chance to help Edmund get his feet wet. I love that.
oh…. I understand the title now. I VERY cold case indeed! Haha
You did a great job establishing Leander’s point of view here and giving me a sense of drama and curiosity. I am excited to get to know Edmund better, and to see how the mystery unfolds :D
xoxo Renee
hey juls!
i thought this was a really good first chapter as an introduction to leander and edmund's story. the way you itnroduced leander as a character felt very very noirish to me and i could easily imagine him standing at the bar, cleaning the glass and the film camera zooming in on him in the shadows with this ominous voiceover - that's just splending work on your description and creating this dark and moody and interesting atmosphere.
and leander is such an original character - a vampire from the tudor times! like i really want to know *everything* about him and immediately haha. i'd love to know how he became a vampire :o
the way you also mentioned other magical creatuers and how there's this council that leander was on and how they moved into the shadows is just really great worldbuilding!
and wow the bones of richard iii being found beneath a parking lot??!?! how what when how :o i love that leander decides to investigate and take edmund under his wind, so to speak. i bet they're going to have a great adventure and i'm looking forward to reading more!
kris
Hello from Review Tag!
Right away I could really feel the noir type atmosphere,so it totally makes sense that it was writen for a noir challenge. I couldhear the opening words in a old detective narrator voice, and I totally pictured Leander in black-and-white and wearing a trench coat and fedora while drinking a scotch haha.
"All the tragic vampire stories that made them walk in the sun and sparkle" Ha, I see you share my disdain for Twilight, very good. Is Twilight still even a thing?
I remember seeing the news stories about Richard III's remains being found in the parking garage,and I love how you incorporated that into the story. That whole era was real life Game of Thrones and there's a lot you can do with it fiction-wise.
And then, you get the inciting hook at the end of the chapter with the offer of a new case. Overall this is a promising start to a story and I'm intrigue to see where it goes.
Author's Response:Nice to meet you Cassius!!
Thanks for coming out and reading my story. You've given me a validation that the story is actually 'noiry' like I'd hoped. I just love seeing my story through your eyes. It feels fantastic!
I like Twilight, actually. I get all of its terrible points, but I like it. I just like to think of it as Meyers' put her own spin on vampires. We all would love to get a chance to make something our own, and she did.
Leander has wanted me to write this out since I heard about it way back then. (Yes - fictional character trying to control me. Us writers are crazy that way!) I've just finally got around to it. Thankfully. Le kept pushing for it the more I learned about Henry VIII. Plus - history is my jam.
I hopw you read further along, and thank you for your review.
juls
2020 HC finale Ship building
Hey Juls! Here for HC 2020 finale and also for some awesome vampire action ;)
Okay full offense, owning a bar should be everyone’s goal in life. :P
Also I LOOOOVE when vampires have a ton of money ‘squirreled’ away because of course they would - they don’t really have expenses! And also they’re hella old, it just makes sense!
It’s super sweet that Leander is so worried about Edmund based on his experiences. He just seems like such a wholesome protective vampire <3 And I love that he’s out of policing and yet his vacation consists of pretty much being a mentor to a fresh P.I. Some people never truly take a vacation ;)
OMG they seriously found a king’s bones in a parking lot? I just looked it up and that is blowing my mind! Did you know of this phenomenon before writing the story, did it inspire the story or was it just something you were like oh yeah that could be cool, or did you look up cool stories about bones in parking lots? lol
Dang, two birds with one stone is right! Again, loving the parental sort of role Leander is filling here, how very noble of him! So is he going to be paying Edmund to solve this case? If so, will this become a problem for Edmund that his relative is one of his clients? Ooooh, I can’t wait to see how this progresses, I’ve loved every chapter of Leander that’s gone through the queue, I can’t wait to actually dive into this story.
Thank you so much for writing this juls, it is a really cool premise and vampires are such interesting MCs, I’m so glad I stopped by! I’ll be sure to come back soon if only to swoon over Leander a little more :P
Lo <3
Author's Response:Hey Lo -
so, welcome to my story first off. I know you've gotten to read most of it because you've been valdating it. But it is still exciting to see you leave a review. *squees*
The idea for this story was actually born when Richard III's bones were found in the parking lot. I was on an RP board, and I just never found someone to qeek out with me over that. I know I could have done the thread like I am now doing the story, but I guess I wasn't ready. Delving into all that history was fun - and hopefully it all makes a good read until the end.
Leander wishes your speedy return also. He liks to be swooned over.
juls
2020 HC Finale Ship building
Hey Juls!
Okay so I have to come clean and say that I initially clicked this fic for the sole purpose of Elijah Wood being on the banner…that said, I am very interested in what your take is for Melanie’s Noir Challenge! I’ve recently become a fan of noir, and you do an excellent job of setting up what is surely going to be a fantastic one in this opening chapter! Having the main protagonist Leander being a vampire who was alive during the tumultuous time of the Tudors and that whole battle for the kingship of Britain and who may possibly be on the precipice of discovering what truly happened is super cool. You do an excellent job of setting up the position that Leander is in, along with illustrating how eager and young his great(x)-nephew is to get on the job himself. I wonder, does his nephew understand/know that Leander is actually a distant (technically undead) relative of his? You pose excellent questions right off the bat that will keep readers coming back for more. Good luck in the challenge! :)
~Madi
19-20 HC Finale - Lyrae Gnome Throwing
Author's Response:Thanks for coming out and reviewing my story. It's my first attempt at OF and I'm glad you liked it.
Leander has been a character and a vampire since 2007. Crazy, I know. Both he and Ed come from a Roleplaying forum that I spent way too much time on. It's a great way to form characters though, I've found. They seem to just take over your mind. LOL
History is one of my favorite topics, and Leander gave me a reason to bring it out in my own fics. He's like my little historian spreading history everywhere. Leander was just a little apalled in my head when he read about Henry the VII - the son of his beloved Henry.
I hope you read on, it's my pleasure to write for you! (Ed does know Leander's his very distant relative in a very current time.)
juls
2020 HC Ship Building Finale
Hi, juls I stopped by from the review tag.
My child just learned about British kings and queens and he told me they invited German kings so that they wouldn't interfere their congress. The family tree like Tudor, my knowledge is limited, I need to learn more, reading the spot you mentioned, I felt like that.
The protagonist is a vampire and has magical power, right? Yet he came back to his detective career, which sounds cool, I like it.
The concept he needs to deal with 'dead' is interesting. Vampire is immortal and the readers will think about the image, eternal life and even space surrounding us.
Your story is full of mystery and very promising.
I wish you good luck with your challenge.
K
Author's Response:Thanks, Kenny for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed my story and all of the history embeded into its 'pages'. I love tudor history, and when I created Leander, I accidently put his human birth in that time. (Maybe not so accidentally, I just hadn't read too much farther than Henry Tudor that become Henry VII. Who was the father of Henry VII. Soo many Henrys. LOL)
Anyhow, I hope you read on and tell me how you liked the rest of the story.
Juls
(HC2020 Finale/Sandcastle)
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