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Hi Alexis! Here for EvS, team Silver! I've been meaning to check out this story for ages -- I've heard excellent things about it -- and since I'm trying my hand at horror in my current chapter, it seemed like a good time to take the plunge.
I loved this first chapter: it's concise but effective, leaving me both terrified and fascinated.
You have a gift for horror, tapping into primal fears, including (well-chosen) gross details, and playing with the reader's sense of reality without ever becoming confusing.
I've always found mirrors creepy -- at night when I'm in a fanciful mood I often worry that I'll see an unfamiliar face over my shoulder -- so you can imagine how well this chapter worked on me! And there's something uncanny about twins -- an identical twin is like a double.
Your description of memories as "swollen strands of spider's webs", of the flies buzzing over the plate of food, and of the carrion beetle bursting out of Caitlin's flesh, all made my skin crawl.
Making Aislinn a seer was an ingenious move -- she has trouble distinguishing her visions from realty, and the reader shares in her disorientation.
The most terrifying moment in the chapter by far was of course the appearance of Caitlin. This moment is cleverly teased in the first, ambiguous line -- "The face of a dead woman peered out of the cracked mirror". Caitlin's appearance and behaviour are both horrific, as is her prediction that Aislinn will be with her soon (the fact that she delivers it with a giggle is just a twist of the knife).
Finally, I'm so intrigued by your protagonist! I love that she's a seer and an Unspeakable, and I'm fascinated to find out more about her -- what did she see, exactly? who is it that came for Caitlin, that's presumably coming for her?
An excellent chapter!
Jane
oh my god. ohhhhhh my god. i. look, I knew from the AU tag that anyone was fair game to die but oohhh myyy goddddd. i did not expect so many! james! peter! mcgoogs!!!!
I have so many questions about this Darkest Timeline -- why did Remus attack? was it just dark magic interacting with other dark magic? how did Deidre get the book -- who was the bookshop owner? why was Snape buying the Beloveds book?
But I'm not sure I'll get any of those answers. It could very well be that everything about Snape was a massive red herring. The black lilies, too, seem like they haven't been resolved yet -- though there is one more chapter to go, of course. I feel like I kind of need to read that one so I can have coherent thoughts? So sorry about the declining quality of the reviews on this story D:
oooh boy, this is it, this is when things start happening!!! I mean obviously they have been happening this whole time, but the ACTUAL PROPHECY. i am PUMPED.
It's always a bad sign when the wards collapse, oh noooo. OH GOD WHAT THE HECK OH MY GOD I HAVE TO SLEEP TONIGHT!!! look this was my fault for reading this fic after dark. oh god the scene with the Inferi was soooo baaaad, I may have nightmares, the hand!!!! with painted fingernails!!!! end me
oh my godddd I hope you know that I'm just making small sad distressed noises as I read this, there is blood seeping out from under the Hufflepuff common room door!!!!!!! why would you do this!!!!!!! THEY'RE COMING FROM THE MIRRORS!!!!! now, look here, I haven't cleaned my teeth yet, i have to look in the bathroom mirror for that. I may never sleep again. I may never be able to look into a mirror again. goodbye.
I feel like that exchange with Sprout pretty much blew her cover, but obviously that's the last thing she has to worry about now, there are so many people who are DEAD oh my goddd
I'm sure I was meant to have thoughts about this chapter but honestly all my brain is doing is screaming "oh my god there are so many STUDENTS DEAD and INFERI COMING OUT OF THE MIRRORS and i can NEVER SLEEP AGAIN" so uhhhhhh. I don't think that's gonna happen.
Poor Peter, but I'm glad she managed to give him the slip. I decided not to google the French, because I want it to be a surprise (I mean, it's "??? of the death", I know that much, but I very much forget what voile means). I also loved seeing the toll being Charlotte is taking on Aislinn -- how she's beginning to lose track of where Charlotte ends and she begins, mixing memories, mixing self-knowledge. It's delicious.
haha WOMP WOMP aislinn, you've been made. oh no aislinn this is IMPORTANT it is PLOT RELEVANT it is THE TITLE OF THE FIC DON'T-- shift. there we go.
omggg Lily coming to Peter's defence!!! I love it!!! I love your Lily so much, what little we've got of her so far.
" That alone casted a shadow" should be 'cast', I think?
Ah, the good ole uterus excuse. Beautiful.
THE WIGTOWN WARRIORS ARE PLAYING AT HOME. OH MY GOD. this is my new favourite euphemism, ohhh my god. I can die happily now, that euphemism was just the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Your soundtrack at the end of each chapter makes me remember that I'm listening to wildly inappropriate music while reading the fic and writing these reviews -- unfortunately, I don't think the review box will accept the non-English alphabet the titles are in. As I'm writing this it's "Lo Normali" by Ido B and Zooki (those spellings are...questionable, since it's transliteration and everything's made up?).
I liked this chapter a lot! I feel like I haven't properly reviewed it, I'm so sorry. I really hope Aislinn doesn't take Lily's character judgement as gospel, she's known him since they were small! she is objectively a poor judge of character, at least when it comes to severus snape!!! don't believe her, aislinn!!!
Oh nooooooooo, THAT's what those scars were in the first chapter!
My eyebrows were VERY high when she got paired with Sirius, I was like "is this....it would make no tonal sense for this to turn into a Sirius/OC fic, surely, and there's no pairings listed" but of course that did not happen. I should have more faith! (I'm sorry, I have just.....read too many fics in the thirteen years I've been in this fandom. I have seen too much.)
Oh mannnn, the moral dilemma she must be having about like....whether she has a moral obligation to live out Charlotte's desires? Separate from passing as Charlotte, I mean. Should she accept Peter's date offer because Charlotte would want to? This is so ethically fraught and I LOVE it.
I also SUPER love the existence of this study group!!! Oh nooo, poor Deidre though :(
OH NO. Someone's infiltrated the Department!!!! Absolutely nothing is coming up Milhouse, poor thing. I hadn't even begun to consider the uses of the Manacle though, it would be utterly perfect for Ministry infiltration, as she says.
I didn't realise that bezoars as antidotes was unusual knowledge? I guess perhaps for fifth years though? I mean, again, this isn't crit, I am just thinking out loud and am not terribly bright.
I liked this chapter a lot, the whole story is so well-paced so far!
I am confused that she's going (undercover???) as a Fifth Year. Given she's what, 25ish, I would've thought she'd be a Seventh Year but I'm sure you've got this all thought out.
Ooh, I wonder how she's going to keep the fact that she's the Unspeakable under wraps because logically if she was here seven years ago, she's going to know most of the teachers? And they'll be like "surely you were here seven years ago and also you are twenty-five". But again, I'm sure you have this figured out, I'm just thinking out loud, you know?
The Manacle is such a deliciously creepy artefact. Oooh, maybe she's going to Polyjuice the poor Charlotte Banks? I mean, that'll be....worse, I feel, than announcing her death, but hmmmmmm that's certainly a way she could stay secret.
OH MY GOD SHE'S GOING TO WEAR THE MANACLE TO BECOME CHARLOTTE BANKS?
look i should have realised this earlier but i'm not very bright
I loved this chapter! It was a really good mix of exposition and uhh...whatever the opposite of that is? The little snippet we got of Caitlin having to do a (mostly-)nudie run back to the castle was so delightful because we know so little about her, and we know she's dead, but the fact that one of the few things we DO know is that once she had to dash across the grounds in her undies in such a...low-stakes kind of way? is so good. Like, it was just standard 17yos being 17yos. A little snapshot of her being a child, even if she didn't get to live all that much longer.
I'm also intrigued by the idea of Dumbledore's office shifting from place to place -- in the books, wasn't it always in the one tower? I'm into the idea of it moving though, sounds like something Dumbledore would do tbh.
good.....god. this was terrifying. it's up there with the time I read The Yellow Wallpaper really late at night not realising it was a horror story, but worse because!!!! something is coming for her!!!!!!!
You have such a masterful way of painting really vivid pictures -- "obscenely swollen" really stood out to me for some reason as an example. I feel like bleeding wallpaper is a familiar image, but I can't remember what from? Your description of the wallpaper hallucination was excellently creepy. Also when the beetle burst out of Caitlin's hand!!! The worst.
God, I wish the wizarding world had heard of the concept of PTSD, someone help this poor person!!
The Department of Mysteries is such an untapped mine of possibility, imo (am I mixing my metaphors there?? ah well) -- you could have ANYTHING happen! And people don't explore it enough, so I'm super super glad you are.
So much about this first chapter is done SO well, aaah -- the hints of what to come, the idea that there's some kind of monster after her, that it was at HOGWARTS, that Snape and Lily are involved -- like, I imagine they don't hand out Order of Merlins for just anything, so some big must've happened. This makes me wonder, though I guess I could look it up in that scene where Dumbledore is explaining it, whether putting your memories in something else completely erases them or just makes them like...less urgent, you know? Less likely to pop up unless you consciously focus on them. I hope it's the former, because I don't want Aislinn to be stuck in this PTSD hell with no access to medical care. 😔
If nothing else, I hope that she got to pick that job as Keeper's Assistant. They should be bending over backwards to give her the job she wants.
Hi there! Okay, I know I told you I'd be back, but I really didn't think that it would take me six months to be back.
Oh, man. I last read this for CTF so I figured that this time I could slow down and enjoy this instead of rushing through to write a nonsensical review. So yay! You get a review that actually makes sense this time! Because I'm pretty sure that the one I left for CTF didn't.
Reading this made me remember why I loved this so much when I read it back in April. The description is amazing and so vivid - I can picture everything so perfectly that I feel like I'm watching an amazing TV show. And the atmosphere is amazingly creepy. It really doesn't help that I'm reading this at night in my basement apartment - I feel like Caitlin's going to come up to my window as well and freak me out. *closes blinds*
I love all the foreshadowing you've added in here. There's so many little pieces of information here that just make me have to read on, because I want to know every little detail. This was the perfect way to start off this story.
I think the beginning of this chapter was amazing and it pulled me in immediately. "The face of a dead woman peered out of the cracked mirror," immediately made me curious and made me want to read on.
I loved this chapter and I'll be back to read the rest at some point! (ideally not six months from now :p)
~Olivia
Hello lovely! Sorry I’m a bit late!
I really like the phrase hallowed halls of learning. I don't know why but that stood out to me. It came as no surprise to immediately learn she was a fellow claw.
If she graduated seven years ago and she's going back as a fifth year she must have some serious baby face going on. My best friend and I (both in grad school and married) went to an R rated movie and she got carded and eventually I had to vouch for her because the super diligent keeper of the tickets refused to accept that she was anything above 14.
Mass student death sounds really, really interesting (maybe I'm a morbid person), so I'm dying to know about the prophecies.
Okay this manacle sounds brilliant and terrifying and OMG how do you come up with this artifact?
I'm a little curious about what in the world a fifth year was doing in muggle abbey ruins looking for horrendous jewelry. I'm curious if that was just an unhappy accident or if something more sinister is afoot.
I think your Dumbledore characterization is pretty spot on. I know he's a bit scary to write, but his mannerisms and dialogue all seem very true to the book. I'm getting more of a sorcerer's stone-chamber of secret Dumbledore vibe from your version and tbh he's the one I love the most.
In talking about her sister when we get the bit of breakdown and she regains her composure and becomes a bit more clinical I think I really saw myself there. It's very in my own character so I could relate heavily to her.
So I wonder if Caitlin had an inkling of what was to come.
As expected, it was a really great chapter! I hope to stop by the next one!
Alexis!
Oh. My. God. This was really creepy, disturbing, scary, jarring. Just, oh my god. My heart is literally racing right now, not even lying. Like, I'm glad that it's light out, or I'd be turning on every light in the house.
Ok so I'm horribly intrigued now. Who is this woman? What is this prophecy? What happened to her sister? What was supposed to happen at Hogwarts that she stopped? How were Snape and Lily involved? I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS!!
Ok so just when I was freaked out enough with the bleeding walls, you had to throw in that bit about her rotting sister. And that part with the beetle coming from her skin legit sent a chill right through me. I'm sorry for this jumbled mess of a review, but my thoughts are in like 101 different places lol. And what memories are those?! More questions!
This ipoor girl has obviously been through a lot. She's basically given up, judging by the state of her and her home. Alexis, what happened?!
The whole losing a twin thing really gets to me. My brothers are twins, so I understand that bond that they have. I mean, losing a sibling would be bad enough, but it being your twin would be soul shattering. And clearly she's not handling it well if she's having all of these awful hallucinations. :(
I'm still so creeped out! This was amazing, love! I'm definitely going to have to get back to this, because like I said, SO MANY QUESTIONS! What a fantastic way to open a story. You make it so it's nearly impossible not to read on. Awesome job! I'll definitely be back!
Tons of love,
Meg
Author's Response:Heya Meg!Sometimes I feel like I should warn folks about this story, particularly the first chapter. It’s a bit different than the other offerings on my author page.Obviously, this tale draws heavily on a love of horror flicks and stories that I seriously indulged in while growing up. In fact, I listened to selections from Amityville Horror, John Carpenter’s The Thing and Silent Hill while writing. That’s how much I wanted to get into the atmosphere that permeates this opening chapter. Writing it at night with the strands of the Amityville theme playing was spooky in itself!This tale also touches on PTSD, something we don’t see mentioned much in the HP books. Is what Aislinn seeing real? Is it all in her head? Do they have specially trained medical-witches/wizards to treat PTSD?And the twin thing, I have a set of cousins who are twins (fraternal). In the case of identical twins, I always thought it must be chilling for one to see their twin dead - sorta like looking at yourself dead. Not that I would ever wish that on anyone. But I would love to hear what a twin thinks about this chapter.As for your questions … nope, I’m not answering! Not a single one! You have to read the rest of the story to find out Aislinn’s connection to Severus and Lily, what the prophecy was about and what happened to make Aislinn the way she is.*cackles evilly*~Alexis
HELLO LOVELY!
Okay, I really, really love the premise of the story already. There's nothing better than an Unspeakable fic and they are few and far between! I'm also interested in the fact that it's during the first war era. I don't actually think I've read an Unspeakable fic from this time frame. They've all been next gen. Even better!
What a vivid and terrifying first paragraph! You immediately cause so many questions to pop up. What happened to Caitlin? Being at her childhood home in their childhood bedroom can't be good for her mental health. No wonder she's feeling haunted.
I never thought much about the storing of memories until now and I have a lot of questions now about what it would feel like. Is it just making a copy? Does it hurt? Do you feel anything at all. I know these are all complete tangents, but still.
And now I'm dying to know why and what had happened to result in her needing to give Dumbledore a copy of them. Was her sister murdered? And the prophecy within them makes me wonder if she'd seen them as part of her job? Was it a breach of security to send them to Dumbledore. Or was she perhaps the seer? SO MANY QUESTIONS. This is a good first chapter for sure. She knows who Lily is, but it doesn't sound like she recognizes Snape.
I'm definitely more and more worried about her mental well being and I'm dying to know what had happened to cause this.
I really, really like this line: "Its insidiousness was more unspeakable than the position I held in the Ministry."
I KNEW IT! I knew twins had some weird mind connection that they keep secret from the rest of us. I think that the continuation of the shift between Caitlin and herself is really interesting. Even she has trouble separating herself from her twin and I wonder how much of that mirror bit is caused by the climate of the war and how much is real and how much in her mind.
I'm not discounting this all as just in her head because the plate on the floor with the flies all over it gives me a real sense of the passage of time. I feel like there's a lot more to the mystery of her sister and who this "he" is exactly that will be coming soon. Right now my assumption would of course be you-know-who, but it's by no means definite. This is definitely straight out of a horror film.
Author's Response:Heya there!
I guess I should begin by saying the idea for this story came from the image of a woman looking into a cracked mirror and seeing a reflection of herself - dead and decomposing. Not exactly original, but one that I couldn’t shake. So when a challenge came up for psychological horror, Aislinn entered my mind (along with another character from a related tale) and told me she had a story to tell. I never thought I’d write a tale about an Unspeakable, much less a Marauder-Era one with a dead twin, but Aislinn insisted so there you go.
Anyways from the beginning there are questions as to whether what Aislinn is seeing is real, is it all in her head or what the heck is going on. I’m glad you picked up on the rotting food because it does ground the fact that some of the elements are real. On some level Aislinn is suffering from PTSD, an issue that I find canonical HP really doesn’t address well at all (by the time OotP rolls around Harry definitely was experiencing some PTSD-like elements, yet we never hear of him getting counseling - like what the heck, Dumbledore?!) Suffice to say there are reasons why Aislinn is experiencing all of this, how she knows about Lily and what Dumbledore has to do with any of it. I promise your questions will be answered by the time the story has ended!
And yes, the thing about the memories - I’ve always wondered if they were copies of a person’s memories or did they give them up temporarily when they were extracted? Glad to see I’m not the only one curious about it. :P
Many aspects of this opening chapter were influenced by horror films like Amityville Horror, Silent Hill (games and movies) and John Carpenter’s The Thing. Growing up I had a love for horror movies and I went back to them for inspiration. This whole story is drenched in death imagery, symbolism, and foreshadowing, from the opening quotes to the soundtracks I listened to while writing.
I’m thrilled you enjoyed this opening chapter. Thanks so much for the review. I look forward to hearing what you think about the next chapter!
~Alexis
Here for CTF again!
I love this story so, so much. Honestly. The way you keep seeing how Aislinn has trouble shifting between Charlotte and herself. The things she thinks to do as to prevent them from happening and blowing her cover, only to find out it works (at least partially) in her favor. The way she lays links truly show how well Aurortraining has done her and how well she'd work as one – regardless if the Unspeakable thing is a better thing for her to work as than being an Auror would serve her. The fact that she blows all protocol to pass on information – I wonder if that's going to bite her in the back later on? Especially because they're so secretive at all times, there might be something about it as it is. But it also sets up multiple things that set stories going, especially as it's stated as being the fifth Marauder year and that it can very well be the fact that the Ministry got infiltrated. The fact that Vivian is dead might also not be a coincedence here and it's all so well thought out. I also love the pace of this fic, but at the same time you make it seem like it doesn't go too fast as it is. You don't feel like you're missing out at all, or that it goes too fast. Really well done!
Back for CTF!
Oh my god, this is seriously on of the best stories I have read for this game and I've read some really stellar ones. Your command of language and descriptions are seriously off the charts. Everything is so completely vivid in my mind and it's simply amazing. Because you are able to use such detailed language, even when there are bits and gaps, I'm able to fill them in myself and it honestly adds so much to the story.
I also love all of your characters so much. Aislinn is just so well done and I love how she adopts Charlotte's personality. You make it extremely clear how she is definitely not the same person as Charlotte and she struggles to adjust her thinking, even after months. Lily also is such an amazing character. I know that she's relatively minor, but you really nail her personality and how she would react to each event.
Also, side note, but your Dumbledore is so completely spot on ad he is not easy to do well.
Also, your action sequences are absolutely to die for. This just goes along with what I said earlier, but you really just have a way with words that makes everything come to life and seem more real. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty terrified the whole time, but man, if this isn't one of my new favorite stories.
Claire
Here again for CTF!
Aaaaand this keeps on being so interesting! A different way to being a Seer, like two halves of a whole, yin and yang, but this time incomplete due to one half missing. The limitations of it all, so well thought out, especially in regards to her work and the chamber of Death and how she was requited as an Unspeakable while training for an Auror. The differences between the sisters and their aspirations, be it fulfilled or not. The understanding and knowledge of Dumbledore, the hints to canon as in the hint to the objects that can be hurtful and powerful at the same time, with a nice nod still as to what we know is what's to come in regards to the Hallows and Horcruxes. It honestly is very impressive, and I keep on being impressed by it all. You also don't make Aislinn too perfect, but give her a lot of flaws too and keep on mentioning that things don't work out the way she wants to, even if it is what she can do best. It gives the idea that people have to do things they may not particularly like or want, and it's such a nice nod to real life as well. Honestly, absolutely fantastic job here, and the way you incorporated the veil here combined with the fact not much is known how she died and got out of that safeplace as there were barely any signs of struggle was very well done.
Hi there! I'm here for CTF!
Oh my goodness. This story is so good. I'm so drawn in and I just want to keep going.
You wrote the conflict between Aislinn as herself and as Charlotte extremely well. I love how she keeps forgetting to act like Charlotte, defaulting to herself. I think here her training is actually getting in the way of her mission - ironically - in that she's shouting suggestions in class instead of trying to get into Charlotte's mind.
I also like the little details about the bracelet that you added in - about how it bit her when she put it on. The simile there - about it being like snake fangs - further reinforces just how evil this thing is.
(Sorry, I'm also working on an essay for my english course and it seems to be bleeding over into my review *facepalm*)
Your Lily is also amazing. I love how you've characterized her; she's got the kindness and openness that Remus and Sirius remember her for - with the study group - and how she's looking out for Peter, even though she doesn't like who he hangs out with at all.
I love the different threads that you're so effortlessly weaving with this story. For example, how Dierdre White's mother was working in the Department of Mysteries, and thus may have been killed for a reason relating to the plot, instead of a randomly targeted Death Eater attack. Once this round is over I am definitely coming back to continue reading this story. No doubt about that.
The way the seriousness of the tone increased at the end of the chapter was really well done and felt very natural. Aislinn's casual mention of the late letter from Uncle Philbert, followed by "there are two options here: okay and awful". I now want to find out whether things will be okay or if they will be awful. (Of course, they probably will be awful, won't they, because that's how it works :p)
I absolutely loved this chapter! I will most certainly be back to read and review after this round ends!
~Olivia
Hello there!
It's Plums here to see if you've hidden the flag for CTF in this chapter :)
I was actually really happy to return this fic. I remember reading and reviewing the first couple of chapters when they first came out but - like always - I decided to wait until it was complete to finish it off and - like always - I forgot to check up on it. Oops? 😜 I'll give you cookies as compensation, I promise.
To add on top of my prolonged return, I've jumped straight to chapter four so I am a well of questions right now, to be honest 😂 Okay, so Aislinn is an Auror who is undercover as this Charlotte girl because there's a prophecy that's been released? I think that's what I've gathered from the chapter. I distinctly remember feeling confused when Aislinn spoke as if her stream of consciousness belonged to a different soul entirely but I think that's sort of cleared up now? I am interested in why she seems to be absorbing Charlotte's memories, for lack of a better word, and confusing them with her own. Doesn't sound ordinary.
Ooh, these Shifts have really piqued my curiosity. Just what is so special about Aislinn that she can literally move back in time? As far as main characters go, she's an interesting one. Mysterious but not cliché, as well as imperfect. We see her lying on more than one occasion here, see her lack of care for Peter etc. She's a very original main character, I'd say, and her perspective on things are really interesting.
Plums xo
b25;b25;b25;
CTF and well hello! *salute* This gave me chilling tingles, holy cow! So, I haven't read chapter one, but there's so much subtext here, I feel like I don't even have to. (On a side note, I actually know someone in real life named Aislinn and we call her Z for short. ^_^) But onward.
The concept of shifting I find really intriguing. I wonder if she put a lot of effort into training up her ability if she could learn to shift back farther? It seems plausible. I've never heard of an ability quite like it before and it certainly warrants recruitment into the Unspeakables. At least I'm assuming, I'm still a little unclear on what they do. But I think that may be the point.
Moving on, this story certainly seems pretty dark! Her sister died, that poor fifth year died- at first, I thought it was a little 'Never Been Kissed' and I was thinking to myself 'why would an adult return to Hogwarts as a fifth year? If they're young enough, maybe they could pass for a Seventh year, but fifth is pushing it a bit...' But of course, reading gets me my explanation. That's an interesting and terrible little trinket Grindlewald cooked up there, eh? I wonder what else he came up with. I wonder if it has to do with any of these prohecies.
And can I just say that that line about the savior having the face of the dead made my the hair on my arms stand on end? I've got goosebumps all over!
This certainly seems like a pretty interesting story, but it's totally creepy to the max and I was not in the mood for creepy tonight! T_T
I did come across a few technicals for your editing pleasure:
Ministry agent to placed in the school
missing the word 'be'
Keeper of the Hall of the Hall of Prophecy
the second 'of the Hall' is unnecessary.
I refrained from tell Dumbledore the other reason
telling
Wicked good stuff!
-Liz
Here for CTF!
Holy. Mother. Of. God. This story IS SO UNBELIEVABLY GOOD. LIKE, SERIOUSLY. I'm not even joking here. It's downright creepy, but written so well I kept being hooked and yelling at others how very good this was. The descriptions of the image in the mirror, in her mind – at first I honestly thought: what are you going to do with this? How does this work? This is truly the start of your horrorstory and I'm definitely not going to sleep.
But then, THEN, you swooped in and made it about twins (with the most amazing names, by the way, it had to be said) AND THEN it all continued in the most amazing and splendid way and did I mention already how much I love this already?
The hints about the Order of Merlin, her being an Unspeakable, the mentions of blood, the obvious PTSD, how she needed to see Dumbledore and the thoughts about the beetle and the blood on the walls and I just. I can't even form coherent thoughts at the moment because I simply don't know what to say.
AND THEN THE ENDING. Like, how death was not awaiting her in Hogwarts, but outside of it. It makes me wonder how you're going to follow it all up, but also what is going to happen with the memories if she does. But also what if she doesn't and gets stopped after all? SO MANY WAYS TO GO and I need to find out how this continues. It's amazingly well written with amazing descriptions which are just creepy but absolutely work and. Yeah. Great job.
Back for CTF!
I am very impressed by how well you work with clichés in your writing. And I mean that as a genuine compliment. I feel like I try to avoid them in my writing, but I love how well you take them and work them into your own writing. To clarify, the cliché I was talking about was the describing the appearance in a mirror, but I love how you used it to explain plot points that may have otherwise been too much in just exposition. It also added a lot to the creepy element that you have going here, with her seeing her dead sister in a reflection of herself.
Speaking of the creepy vibe, wow did you knock it out of the park! Personally, I absolutely cannot do horror in any way, shape, or form, it just freaks me out to no end, but I love how you used it here. The descriptions really made it and I'm completely blown away by them. You know Aphoride? To me, this is almost on par with her descriptions and believe me, to be anywhere close to her basically makes you lightyears beyond everyone else.
I also love how you always leave me wanting more (I say as if I've read more than two of your stories). But still, I'm so drawn in by your plot that I just want to open up my brain and have this entire story poured right in to it. Right now. You craft everything so well and I'm sincerely jealous.
I'll be back for more!
Claire
*Transferred from HPFF*
Hi, I'm here for your requested review. So uh, since you didn't have any areas of concern, I'll just ramble about things I noticed as I read. Hopefully some of it will be useful! :p
The banner is wonderfully creepy, and really fits the mood of the story! Eek, I definitely got shivers reading the first few paragraphs.
You did really well at setting the mood in this chapter and keeping up that dark, scary atmosphere. Your descriptions are stunning and so vivid - the passage about the wallpaper peeling was so creepy yet so effective. I really liked that part.
I notice you used a lot of short sentences, and I like that - it kind of gives this detached, blunt aspect to Aislinn's narration and hints at her state of mind.
I'm really curious about that too, as it seems she is suffering the after effects of something terrible that happened to her, and I'm wondering if her current state of mind is because of Caitlin's death, or whether there's another issue involved as well, and I'm interested in how she appears to outsiders. She's kind of broken inside, but the Ministry just gave her a medal and a pat on the back and sent her off to another job, so I wonder how she's keeping up the appearance of being all right.
Part of me wondered, as I was reading this, if the narrator is actually dead as well. I couldn't shake that image, partially because she keeps comparing her own reflection to Caitlin who is dead. In a way I suppose part of her is.
I think this is a really effective first chapter and your writing style is captivating. Well done on this!
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