Name: shadowycorner (Signed) · Date: 09 Jul 2020 01:54 PM · For: i don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

Hey Taylor, here for our swap (also rvg cause why not). I've been eyeing this fic for some time now every time I scanned through your page, and I'm so glad I finally read it. I love the whole atmosphere of it and the fact that you made Lily an undercover agent is badass. Dark Lily is one of my favorite little detours in fanfiction. She's usually been always talked about as this model of kindness, and I believe that, but seeing this dark, hunting and hunted, side of her is super exciting. And who's to say she couldn't be both? Also, you wrote her so well in here!

 

I'm so glad this is part of a series and I can read more of her arc. I love how you kept me guessing about her story, history, what brought her here, why does she have to do this, and where is James in all of it, what happened?

 

Your descriptions were wonderful in this piece. I loved the bar and the feelings it gave Lily as well as me, giving me chills. The conversations were so fun to follow, especially reading them from Lily's perspective and knowing what her deal was. The chess game worked so well with how Lily played Yaxley and the game (and that fleeting referrence to James, what did he do? I must know!). And the story was full of these hints that just make me want to BEG for more of this story, like Dumbledore sending Lily down his path, her enjoying this darkness within a little too much, and I want more more more of this underground undercover operation.

 

The suspense was electric when she went up to his room with him, knowing what a risk it was. Proper reckless Gryffindor. As soon as she grabbed at the poison I knew he'd catch her, but the fact that she killed him was I think completely understandable. She's at war and she knows it, and it's easy to mean to kill someone when you're trying to save yourself. And I love how she owns it, too, staying aware of her previous morality convictions, from moments when she was more innocent and not yet knowing what a sacrifice is. With that and what continued you made me completely believe that this plot idea is so great and plausible here, I'm just going to say again that I'd love to read more of ruthless agent Lily!!

 

The scene with the barman was so good and twisted, and I get why she did it, why she let it go so far, both to get his guard down and probably also still running on adrenaline, it all just made sense.

 

"Clean yourself up," she instructs gently - I liked how this little line is proof of how human she still is, the way she says it gently, aware of how the barman is just collateral damage. It's simple but it kind of resonated with me for some reason.

 

Overall I just really loved reading this, it had great pacing, suspense and a very intriguing characterization of a character we all think we know so well. Great job!

Author's Response:

hi eli!

 

dark lily has been such a fun thing to explore. i go a lot more in depth into her in the novel-length fic that will eventually accompany this, and she's truly such a fun, messy, and complicated character to work with. she's definitely still got a lot of that inherent goodness she's often praised in canon for, but it's hardened over a great deal by the necessity of the moment.

 

there's definitely a lot more backstory coming once i start posting the big fic that goes with this :)

 

i write a lot of fluff which is fun in its own right, but all the darkness in this was just so fun to work with, as was the fact that lily's constantly got her own little monologue going in her head that's so totally different than what's being shown allowed.

 

she's definitely in a morally conflicted place re: yaxley. in that moment, getting out alive was the most important thing, and yaxley being alive would be a huge risk to her status in the mission, and she panicked and did the first thing she could think of that was guaranteed to save her ass and save her role in this whole mess. she's definitely still self-aware of her previous convictions, but she's abandoned them to an extent in pursuit of the overall goal of taking down the pureblood supremacists.

 

lol lily getting with the bartender was NOT an intended plot point but it just kinda happened and i guess kinda made sense with her character, so it stayed in. she's definitely aware of the damage, and a part of her *does* feel guilty for that. at the end of the day, even though her actions may not always convey it, she's still very human.

 

i'm so glad you enjoyed this, thank you for reading!! <3

Name: abhorsen (Signed) · Date: 23 Jun 2020 12:42 PM · For: i don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

hey taylor, here for rvg! <3

oh godddd what the fuck i love this, lily really is so fucking Dark here and i love it. i feel like given the situation, it's, you know... very reasonable to go to a dark place? it definitely says something about her mindset that her mind goes to avada kedavra rather than stupefy or something, especially since she presumably knows that stupefy works bc she's used it before and couldn't really know that avada kedavra would work? so i guess she really fucking meant it?

although also, oh my god you fucking slimeball motherfucker, you deserve to have her mean it, EW.

i love this so much, amazing job, post quidditch fic now plz

Author's Response:

i love this dark lily to pieces, but yeah it definitely says something that that's her first thought - she's been so immersed in this role that it's definitely rubbed off on her in some ways. she's right in the thick of everything, and it's robbed her of a lot of innocence she had before stepping into the "war" in this way.

 

but lol yeah yaxley deserved to have her mean it, he's gross.

 

lmao i need to be kicked into finishing all the other things and then quidditchfic will happen, why am i a disaster with so many fucking wips and challenges

Name: maraudertimes (Signed) · Date: 12 May 2020 09:05 PM · For: i don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

Hello Taylor! I’m here for our review swap as well as May RvG! (GO RED!)

One part I noticed: “She has no intention of drinking much of what she makes him” - should be what he makes her, no?

Anyways, on to the actual story. Hot dang, this is a much darker version of Lily than I’ve ever read. I’m sad that there’s no James - how could you? Jily is your life - but I guess knowing that it’s a prequel of Quidditch!fic (which you need to post soon btw) makes it a little easier.

I did like the whole nod to some spy work - and the fact that even back then Dumbledore wasn’t super great at being moral rings so true. What a grey character. And even later when you mention that Dumbledore would probably piece it together but still wouldn’t do anything? I’ve felt strange about Dumbledore since DH showed his true colours and you really amplified that here.

Alright so another thing I noticed/you definitely shoved in my face (in a good way) was this whole ‘pureblood women are raised to be submissive’ BECAUSE LIKE SO TRUE? And then Lily, a muggle-born having such issues with this is so great, and amazing because yeah, don’t let men treat you like a bitch (unless it’s in the better interest of a spy mission).

Alright I really didn’t like the scene where they went to his room, which is a testament to you, really, because the entire thing felt so slimy and gross, even just reading it. I wasn’t even there and I wanted to run away from that room. But even if it felt gross, it really had to, because I can completely understand where Lily is coming from, pulling out that Unforgivable Curse. It sucks that she did because I can’t imagine how much that might weigh on her conscious later on (deep down I still think she’s a good person and will have some guilt even if she doesn’t regret it), but she really did have to. It was a her or him situation.

And then the bartender thing. It felt a lot less slimy but still kinda heartbreaking because Jily. Taylor, where’s the Jily? (Again, I know that’s not the point, but still…)

But damn, Taylor. This was so wretchedly awful and dark and twisted, but written so beautifully and amazingly and I have so many mixed emotions because I hate this, but I love this and I’m just extremely confused about my feelings.

In any case, thank you so much for writing this, it was definitely something the likes of which I have never come across, and I really enjoyed this dark and twisted foray into Lily’s missions. I can only hope Quidditch!Fic is posted soon so that I get more dark!Lily and maybe twisted!James (and also Quidditch).

 

Lo <3

Author's Response:

HAHAHAHA why do i suck at getting pronouns in the right order in fics

 

lily is definitely darker here, and she's definitely darker in the series as a whole, although maybe not always perhaps to this extent. this is definitely one of her darker moments, tbh. and yeahhh it was v weird writing lily without the jily aspect of things, i'm so used to writing them together always and so not even mentioning him once in a whole fic was new for me, haha. he'll reappear eventually though. :P

 

lol dumbledore is a hella grey character, he really wouldn't care much about lily's methods, so long as they're getting him the results he needs. and pureblood societal norms are literally so fucking infuriating, lily ends up being able to use a lot of them to her advantage because they allow her to slip under the radar a little better, but she definitely hates them with a passion at the same time.

 

asjd;ha i felt icky writing that!! i love writing makeout scenes and this one was just like 'ew' the entire time. but yeah, she pulls out the unforgivable because i mean... what else is she supposed to do in that situation? obviously she could've gone for a stunning spell and then just like wiped his memory, but she's in panic mode because he's trying to kill her, so she just pulls out the first thing she thinks of. it's self-defense, and she won't regret it for that purpose, but... yeah, it'll definitely impact her self-perception later on.

 

lol the bartender thing was NOT supposed to happen, and then all of a sudden she was fucking the bartender and i was just like 'ok guess that just happened.' which is to say, this version of lily knows what she wants and she gets it, lmao.

 

i'm so glad you enjoyed this lil dark twisty fic, i'm v excited to finally start posting the larger novel that ties these two one-shots together. (and also to reintroduce james. i miss him too.)

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 27 Apr 2020 01:27 PM · For: i don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

 

Hey!

 

here for RvG, POGS edition. :)

 

I know you said this was going to be different but I don't think that I was truly prepared for what you meant by different. I don't think that I've ever saw Lily portrayed like this ever. I love that you really went for something unique with her characterization. It makes me really interested for this novel because it doesn't really hit the tone that I thought it might (not a bad thing at all!). I think I was thinking about something lighter but I love this jaded lily.

 

you've set the atmosphere from the first line. I was instantly hooked by unexpected start. I'm reading a lot of these nightlife fics at the moment so I really enjoyed the world building and aesthetic of 'Vipertooth' bar. She says she isn't keen on bars so it does get me wondering why that she has come but this idea of mission really pulled me in. I love the idea of Lily as this sexy spy that she has going on in this fic. I guess that's where the hair change comes in for her missions (or maybe just part of a bit of escapism too?)

 

I love the whole interaction with Basiten. I've always said that I think one of your strengths is your dialogue and this didn't disappoint. I loved that it's like this back and forth between the two. I'm hooked at wanting to know where the conversation is going back. There feels like a lot of tension within that scene between the two. I think it's obvious that she is doing something for a good reason perhaps not going the right way about it though. I liked Lily being annoyed at being told to 'powder her nose', he doesn't know who he is dealing with at all!

 

I'M SHOCKED. I think this is one of the first times that I've been shocked about an act of a character. Lily killing that guy was completely unexpected to me. It blew me away. I don't think there is much point in arguing and saying 'lily would never do something like that!' because that's the beauty of fan fic. You have creativity license over these characters.  You've created this gripping, alluring and jaded lily, the characterization is wonderfully done. I have to say that it wouldn't be a taylor fic without a bit of smut thrown it there. It just adds to lily's character arch too. 

 

I was wondering where Quidditch came into this story as it's leading you into a novel when I know Quidditch was a key part. I think the last part answers that question. It seems like Lily is going to have other motivations in the story other than just enjoying the game. The ending does hook into the idea of the main novel which seems like it's going to be really exciting!

 

Abbi xx

 

Author's Response:

hahaha yes i definitely wasn't kidding about how different this is than most of my jily projects. it's definitely dark, and lily's a lot less of the sunshine-y character she's sometimes written as.

 

but yeah, one pretty consistent aspect of lily's characterisation in this is her general dislike of crowds/parties/bars - and a big part of it comes from what she's doing in this fic. she knows that they're the best way to extract the information she needs and to find the people she's looking for, but lily is all about control. anything that's a threat to that - alcohol, or even just just being swept up in a mass of people - is a threat in her mind. she's.... very cagey like that. but yeah, the hair change is a big part of her disguise; it's often noted that lily's hair and eyes are her most distinctive features, so they're the two things she intentionally changes when she's in these pureblood spaces.

 

ah, their back-and-forth was fun. and lily's definitely doing some sketchy shit to get to the desired outcome - that's kind of where she's fallen on this whole thing, that it doesn't so much matter *how* she gets to the results she needs for the order and to fight back against the pureblood supremacists so long as she manages to get them somehow. but yeah, her actions at the end here are... a lot. she's very much trapped and goes to the first idea of how to defend herself and get out of this place alive - it's not the most moral way of doing so, but she's fighting a battle that she can't afford to lose. so... yeah. honestly, it's hard for me to imagine any of the marauders era characters escaping from the war without some serious marks on their records - that's just the nature of the fight, unfortunately.

 

yep, the ending here is definitely a link into the novel itself - and there's a lot in store for that!!

 

thanks for reviewing <3

Name: sunshine_locks (Signed) · Date: 26 Apr 2020 04:50 AM · For: i don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

hi taylor! i’m back! and finally, a song i know! maybe i’ll get the references? (hint: i did! :D)

 

okay, so. you were very much correct about lily being at her morally muddiest, but like, the way she was characterized didn’t bother me that much? idk, like i could definitely tell that she’s lost some faith in the values she once held dear, but hm. i have no good answer for you. maybe the way you wrote her was more palatable? but this is my long way of saying that i haven’t turned on lily just yet. i like her; she’s a very interesting character.

 

she’s very cunning and devious and alluring here and i’m kind of here for it? i love seeing what motivates her and why she does what she does, but it’s also somewhat clear that she wishes that she could go about getting what she needs in a just and moral way, but the circumstances just don’t allow for it so she does what she needs to? and a little bit that the real world has slapped her in the face a couple of times so she’s rightfully adjusted for it. and the way she refuses to mention james’ name even in her own thoughts is very saddening. it’s actually kind of funny how i currently dislike james more than lily right now lol.

 

i think the most interesting thing was when she was wondering about how dumbledore would take to this, because though i’m pretty sure (my memory is really shit, ahaha) he hasn’t straight up killed someone (and i’m like 50% sure that’s something he’d use to make himself feel better about himself), he has done his fair share of shady shit that’s on lily’s level. so, who knows, right?

 

i think there were two very understandable and relatable things about lily here. the fact that she actually has no idea what she wants to do with her life (that’s me right now, hello?), and that she just has an endless supply of anger for how bastien treats her to the point that she just gets violent. i’m not sure i’d straight up kill someone, but like i know the anger where you almost feel like you could.

 

also, that tidbit at the end there was great too. i wonder if dumbledore genuinely wants to help lily out to find a job, or whether he’s got something up his sleeve. (i just cannot stop doubting this man, dear god.)

 

one last thing: i’m also, like, impressed that you managed to find names for the purebloods that kind of tiptoe the line of like, high key ridiculous, but also doesn’t seem that unrealistic? i just thought it was funny cause you really hit the nail right on the head, haha.

 

this was a great one-shot! thanks for writing! xx

Author's Response:

haha i'm glad you haven't turned on her! personally, i really love this lily, possible *because* of how much of a mess she is. she's lost a lot of faith in her values, and is a bit unmoored, but she's still the same person at her core. but the world she's been thrown into hasn't been kind to her, and it's hardened her a lot as a person. she'd love to be able to lean on those morals she clung to in her youth, but she's realised that, in this space, it's just not possible. she has to do some questionable things to get to the desired outcome - and so she's thrown all of her focus into the outcome, not the process.

 

(also very valid on your dislike of james. he is *also* a not-super-likable character to begin with, and especially so from lily's perspective.)

 

oh yeah, dumbledore would probably be way more okay with this than lily thinks. the man's done a looooot of sketchy shit for the greater good. for his faults though, his interest in helping lily here at the end is genuine - which is good, because it's kind of the thing that links us into the novel. :P (but also doubting him is v valid)

 

hahhaha so fun fact i use a medieval name generator for pureblood names - that's the only way i've found names that match the level of absurdity as canon purebloods, lol.

 

thanks for reading!!

Name: TidalDragon (Signed) · Date: 24 Apr 2020 08:05 PM · For: i don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me

Howdy again Taylor!

 

Evil Lily is no joke. She killed somebody and even with the soul-splitting Killing Curse? How's she supposed to follow James to heaven?!

 

I thought you wrote this devious version of Lily extremely well though. She's sunk down into an extremely dark place where she's even perverted her most positive traits in a twisted form of service to 'the greater good'. In that way she's almost erased herself - but for a fleeting thought of her brand-spanking- new you-know-who.

 

Obviously you leave the end to open up that reconnection though. #unotded

Author's Response:

see, this implies james is going to heaven and....... well, i'll refrain from saying anything else at this point but let's just say he's no angel either :P

 

she's definitely erased parts of herself to fall into this role - and it's impacted her even when she's not in this undercover status, which is something that'll show up in the novel itself.

 

but yes, there is a chance for reconnection - it won't happen for a few years after the end of this fic, but this definitely helps set it up.

 

i'm glad i've been brought back to life :P