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I like how this chapter contrasted with the first one. This one showed more character development and more of a slowly forming relationship between the guide and the tourist. Whereas, chapter one really inserted us in the scene, which I felt was fitting since in the first one they were diving into a lake. In this chapter the guide is taking a more scenic sort of approahc to travel. Yes, there is an itinerary, but it feels looser than the other short story. And I think that makes sense given the kind of reluctant friendship you are forming.
And ahh again...the parting at the end. We really do feel it again in this chapter as we did in the first one. I hope you continue these short stories because I really see an appeal and how you can connect them thematic while giving us different scenes. And also, A+++ with the descriptions. The "chocolate colored water..." what a great descriptor. I mean there were others, but that one, in particular struck me. It's not a common one, and I think that is what makes it special. :)
<3 Courtney
This is a gorgeous piece of writing! Your ability to write so descriptively while also being informative of the scuba stuff and also showing us this playful sort of date transpiring between these two characters. I was immediately drawn in by the actions of the "other," person in this and felt like I really was in the scene as the narrator. It was lovely, playful, and absolutely transportative. There were a few moments where I felt something omnious might occur or that this relationship wouldn't last. And it really doesn't since our narrator leaves after forming such an obvious connection with this other person. But, it's not dramatic or done in a way that doesn't feel fitting. It's more of a "this is life, and sometimes these things just happen like this," sort of way.
Anyway, I really enjoyed this short story and think you did a great job taking us on a journey with these two characters. :)
<3 Courtney
What a wonderful snapshot of friendship! Is it autobiographical? Did you base it on a certain place?
The connection you’ve built between these two people feels so real and emotional. I love the part of water coming up the nose, a fun quirk to show how well he/she knows the person (even in such a short time.) The description of the water was beautiful and unusual, obviously a popular diving spot and one can tell why from your description. Like the character, the water is a bit quirky there. This person has obviously left a huge impact on the narrator. I wonder if it will last or it was just intense connection that fades away without face to face nurturing.
Hey Kaitlin!
I thought this was so lovely! I thought you've done such a good job with the description that this fic does really have wondrous quality to it which I love. I love the narration style of 'you' because it feels more personal which I think what this fic needs. It's obviously based from personal experiences because I feel like the magic of the piece provides really shows that. The emotions feel so raw and feel within it.
It reads almost like a diary, how the narrator felt in that moment is really strong and vivid. I've never been diving but I thought you were able to describe how it felt really well. Sometimes it is easy without good description to get a bit lost because you can't really get a good mental picture which makes at least me personally disengage with what is going on. I didn't get that at all with this fic, I felt like I was there with these characters which was really cool.
the narrator is obviously so taken with the diver. I think you've just written like this little things that you only really notice if you're really into someone. The way they smile and the narrator also notes how protective he is of her. All of those little details are perfectly played within the piece. This piece is so romantic without having the romance there as such. I love how the ending is so poignant too!
Abbi xx
Hi Kaitlin!! Here for our second swap!!!
OKAY HOW DO YOU WRITE SUCH GOOD DESCRIPTION?!?! Please give me one iota of your talent please, that would be lovely, thanks! <3
But seriously, again from the get go you absolutely grab me and basically overwhelm me with gorgeous imagery (this is said with complete awe, it’s amazing). From the condensation to the way the words hang, to the river. Everything is so melodic and gorgeously woven.
Also I’m guessing this is another romance on vacation type story right now, and I am so excited. If it isn’t I’m sure I’ll still love it, but again, my little romantic heart is just way too happy for romance these days. Stick me in a romcom, let simmer for 2hrs, take me out happy!
Anyways… I understand the ‘you’s disdain. As a tourist who dislikes other tourists - omg we are the most annoying things. But I also like that even the MC was the type of person to not really know better until a multiple months long trip and it was through experience that they gained the proper knowledge. Makes me very interested to see what happens next!
I also understand why being a tour guide would be rough, but man this guy is a tough cookie! I am waiting so impatiently for the MC to totally change their viewpoint and completely own the nature stuff!
Seriously, are these based on real experiences? Because I can’t believe they aren’t. They are too amazingly well described and depicted and if you say that they aren’t I’m going to get so confused as to how you have the absolute amazing talent that you do to make me picture a place that even you haven’t been too. If you have, you still have absolutely amazing talent. Either way, you’re damn talented Kaitlin!
Awwwwww and the mushroom scene. And the light and the picture. Those types of small moments between people are some of my favourites because they’re when I fall for people (romantically and platonically). Just the small things that eventually make up a really big picture! So it’s so amazing that it’s in there! And then the Spanish! Another small but meaningful moment!
Seriously, Kaitlin. If these are all about travel and leaving a great connection behind I’m gonna end up crying, because they are so amazingly beautiful but so terrible because at the end the two part ways! I know I said it last time that it shows real life more than fantasy but dang it I love me some romantic fantasy.
Again, thank you for writing this because it was an absolute honor to read it.
Lo <3
Author's Response:Thank you so much for this absolutely beautiful review. I hope you know how much I appreciate your words of encouragement! They seriously make me smile every time. ~Kaitlin
Hi Kaitlin!! Here for our swap!!
Okay first off, I love using second person. I’ve gotten reviews that tell me it really immerses the reader because it feels like the MC is talking to them. I’ve never really understood it until now, because I always imagine myself in the MC’s role, but dang your use of it here is super captivating! Like first paragraph and I’m already so in it.
And oh dang! “I feel alive just watching you.” I have def felt this before and everything about this already is just so *chef kiss*.
I gotta ask if you’ve experienced this yourself, diving in an area where fresh and salt water meet because your description/visuals are stunning. Your metaphors are great, everything is written so wonderfully, and even though I know you’re a great writer, I am blown away at how amazing this all is.
I’m interested in this dynamic. They’ve only known each other for a day, but what is this relationship? Platonic new friends who enjoy diving? Found soulmates? One-night stands that realize they both like diving?
Again - your description is just amazing. I loved the part on the log about the prince and the damsel from a romance movie. I can picture it so crystal clear in my mind.
Also totally a romantic couple, there is no denying that CHEMISTRY!! Hoo, got me wanting them to be able to talk and flirt and generally just be cuties even if I hardly know anything about them!
OMG AND NO SOONER DID I SAY THAT THAN FLIRTING IN SCUBA SPEAK?!?!!?!? My heart Kaitlin, my poor little romantic heart!!!
I’M SORRY THEY PART WAYS?!!??!?!?!!?!? But, but, but…. WHAT?!?!?!!??! There was so much CHEMISTRY and FLIRTING and ROMANCE!!!!
Fine, I guess that the ending was good. It was more than good, it was definitely more true to real life than any romcom and honestly your descriptions even to the end are just so spot on I can’t actually be mad about the ending.
Dang Kaitlin, that was a damn good story. From start to finish, and barely any dialogue, and it had so much action and interesting moments. It was absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for writing this, I had an amazing time reading this (and if you’d like to write an AU of it where they stay together, please tell me before anyone else <3)
Lo <3
P.S. My earlier statement is no longer true, near the end I was imagining myself as the MC because I wanted to be the damsel with a white knight ;)
Hey love, here for our swap!
For a second I was like, "I think I reviewed this. I definitely think I've read it." Then I remember you showed me this when you wrote it. It's every bit as beautiful as it was then. I love this. I honestly feel like it might be some of your best writing, and that's saying a lot, because you're an incredible author.
Everything about this is just fantastic. Your descriptions are honestly magical. I can picture everything so clearly, it felt like I was down in the lake watching every scene unfold. The emotion is tangible. You can feel the determination, butterflies, fascination, longing, admiration... everything. I know I've just said it, but this is so beautiful.
I loved the gentle teasing and flirting that was done non verbally. Your description is impeccable, so each little interaction between them was as clear as day. Your word usage in this piece was almost lyrical. It flowed so damn well. I can't compliment it enough. I think my favorite part was the gesture to respect elders. It was such a cute little moment between them.
This was bittersweet. Obviously there was an intense connection between these two, and you wonder what might have happened if they had met at a different time, in a different place, or under different circumstances. Would they have a chance at a great friendship? Or perhaps something more?
Absolutely stunning writing here, Kaitlin. I can't say enough good things about it. This was an incredible piece, and I'm really glad I got to find it again and review it. I hope you're doing well!
Sending so much love your way,
Meg
Author's Response:Hello you lovely human being. Thank you so much for this encouraging review! It really means a lot to me. ~Kaitlin
Ah, now I remember where I read this; I read it over for you for an extra set of eyes before you posted it.
It's amazing how much of a difference bothering to learn the language makes. I speak French (not fluently anymore, but it wouldn't take long for me to get back to it) and I know that if I went to France or Quebec that the effort would be apprecited. It makes it so that your not just a typical 'Ugly American'in a very simple way. The mix of Spanish and English takes me back to living in South Texas and visiting my friend Teresa (sadly now deceased). She and her mother spoke in a mix of Spanish, English and Spanglish (as they say in South Texas). I miss her everyday. But the point of the bilingual people who speak in an easy mix and immediately having that connection with someone who can do that mix with you rings so true.
They way you are excited over the mushroom is also good. It shows your not just interested in the large fauna and will be disappointed that you probably won't see a jaguar (as you say, they would hide or run away from all the noise). It also gives the guide the sense that you're seeing with eyes of someone who cares, not just a turista.
I like the ties between this chapter and the first with the platonic sort of bonding that happens with the other person. It speaks well of both of you in each chapter that there can be this type of connection. It means that there is hope for more connections across borders and cultures.
This was beautiful and also has the same very nice descriptive turn of phrase that the first chapter did.
Author's Response:Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!
~Kaitlin
I know I've read the second chapter of this already, but for the life of me, I can't remember when. I see the common theme between the two chapters, being somewhere, vacation or adventure and meeting someone you feel a connection to. It's not necessarily a carnal one, although there may be a bit of lust--but it's not the predominant emotion; it's a deep sort of soul connection of a fellow adventurer or someone who sees the wonders of the world the same way you do.
It's always a joy when you meet someone, even if it's for a brief time; that just gets you. It can be someone other than your significant other and it still feels right. That person has some of the same parts as you (they feel the same sorts of things or they have the same sort of mindset).
Your chapters are obviously tied to your travels; and they come across as auto-biographical, but then they may not be and it adds to the tale here. Is this mere romanticism, something that happened or something that you wish happened.
There's a sort of magical 'rightness' to this.
Your turn of phrase is very good and it keeps the reader immersed (ha-ha, a diving joke!) in the story.
Author's Response:Hello you lovely human being. Thank you so much for this encouraging review! It really means a lot to me. ~Kaitlin
hey kaitlin! i'm back :D
this oneshot is decidedly different in mood than the last one, at least it starts out that way but ahhh i love it all the same. i love the descriptions of this guide which tell us so much about him without the narrator even actually knowing him?? like. that's really something.
the way he avoids getting close at first really does seem like he's just kinda fed up with tourists but over the course of the story i've loved how you layered his character and how he opens up. yeah, he might be fed up. yeah, most of them don't care about the same things he does. yeah, even if he does make friends, it's still incredibly sad when they leave....but even with all of the above, there are sometimes these special connections that simply happen between people that make it all worth it. and i loved that about this oneshot.
of course, you can't expect one person to magically open up, and so the exchange of experiences and words/languages and interests between him and the narrator wonderfully showed just how quickly a friendship/companionship can form when both sides try at it and are willing to take a risk and actually make a new friend and it's so *worth it*.
so the heartbreak at the end is all the more sad, but in the end, i feel like even if there is no 'next time', the experience and the friendship is something they'll both remember and cherish and be happy about even though it's bittersweet.
if you can't tell, i really loved both of these oneshots and i'll definitely be back when you update!
kris
Author's Response:Hey Kris! Thank you so much for both of these reviews. They are everything. <3
Hey Kaitlin! Lily here for our review swap. I am pretty excited to read the next... Well not chapter, but part of this lovely story. There's definitely not a lot of specificity into the characters and what's going on outside of the moment, but I think that's what makes it so great. It really gives you a chance to focus on the description and write truly beautiful things.
And oh my God, speaking of description, that first paragraph is instantly grabbing. That sounds like such a nice vacation... Of course until we find out that there's other people around lol. But it would be so nice to lounge in a chair and drink something cool and watch sloths eating. How relaxing! Much better than staring at the same four walls because we're in the middle of a pandemic.
This work definitely shows your inner traveller. I am kind of wondering where you are (or want to be) that you are writing something like this tropical adventure. I love how your descriptions really make the amazing feeling of a stop in travel. It feels recognizable.
And I've never seen an author make a connection between two characters we know almost nothing about any better! I'm definitely interested in the backstories and motivations and futures and all that, but it just becomes unnecessary matched with your beautiful words.
This was really lovely Kaitlin. Keep it up!
Lily
Author's Response:Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!
~Kaitlin
hey kaitlin, i'm here for our swappy swap!
i think i’ll have to read your next one shot as well because this one was really fantastic. i think that you could use this story as part of a travel book or blog thingie (i think i remember you mentioning starting a blog? or wanting to?) but it brought me this immense feeling of wanderlust and the wish to visit the island and the lake and go diving (even though i’ve never scuba dived in my life) – it’s just so whimsical and yet written in a real way, that it made me nostalgic for the narrator’s memory of the island and the diving adventure.
‘loud, chaotic, stubborn, and impossibly unwilling to turn down a challenge.' is such a good line and like, i can see myself in it so it's very relateable even if the setting isn't.
but the meeting between the narrator and the man (diving…instructor or guide?) and this intense feeling of friendship and knowing someone who you've just met is equally familiar, and i though you described it in a wonderful way through this adventure they shared.
the smol things that they somehow know about each other, the way they're synchronised, it's all very romantic. but not in a …romance-y way? i know there was a lil' bit of flirting and all, but i just mean that even as a platonic friendship it's still got that romantic feeling to it. like something that happens and you wonder if it really did and if it did how is it possible to meet someone who is the same as you, on the other end of the world (or even if they're simply your neighbours, it's a thing that, when it happens, it's strange and beautiful and quite something to write about).
i loved your descriptions of the lake and the diving and the island – in so few word you've managed to create this very vivid scene in my mind of everything that's happening and the two people, who aren't even described physically (not much anyway), it doesn't matter, you know? it's like…the image appears in my head and ultimately, it's the feelings that matter, the friendship and this incredible meeting of two people who understand each other in the most incredible ways.
the narrator's venture into the deep, dark part of the lake even made *my* heart beat a little faster in anticipation, but the ultimately calm and cool way in which they explored and jjust went a little in it, just to try, to see what's it all about…it's a wonderful curiosity and bravery and i loved it. i thought it really summed up the narrator in this striking way, unforgettable.
i feel like this review got kinda weird and rambly, but the story woke up something in me that left me a little speechless. it was really a beautiful read, i'm so happy that i read it!
thank you for swapping with me *_*
kris
Author's Response:Seriously. This review made my entire week. Thank you! <3
Howdy Kaitlin!
This was reallly well-done second installment! I think the story, as with its predecessor, did an excellent job of immersing us as readers with the perspective. Some of this one is harder in this regard as I think it was probably easier for me to visualize myself as learning to scuba (even though I'm not allowed) than becoming fluent or even semi-fluent in a second language (though I'm trying to learn more on Duolingo). That's a personal problem more than any shortcoming of the story though I think so I guess I've now wound back around to great job on the immersion. Sorry. :p But I think this was again also true with the descriptions - you really put me there seeing that amazing mushroom!
Perhaps my favorite thing about the story though is how it addresses the impact of preconceptions. The narrator starts off thinking the guide is rude based on the dispassionate ride in. The guide also starts off thinking the narrator is an inexperienced, first-worlder that he's going to be annoyed by having to coddle/babysit and who won't appreciate the adventure like they should.
But it all changes (or at least starts to) on that night hike. I really liked how you broke down the idea of preconceptions because everyone is in the dark and suddenly the speakers aren't visible. And it was absolutely, completely amazing the way you tied the fleeting life of the mushroom to the fleeting life of the friendship in the story.
Really, really, well done! I am going to have to read more of these as they come out!
Author's Response:Kevin, your reviews are always a joy! Thank you so much!
hey kaitlin! i’m here for our swap (again)!
hmm, what is the feeling this oneshot invoked? it was obviously sweet in the way the narrator noticed these little things about the tour guide, like at moments it really felt like they were seeing the bits and pieces of humanity in them, and it was really endearing to see because i catch myself doing it sometimes too. and towards the end, it really felt like that particular feeling when you’re listening to someone just go on and on about something they’re really passionate about, and you just take a moment to think about how much you love them and how much you’re enjoying the moment.
i really appreciated the specific moment when the tour guide realized he had someone to talk about the things he was really interested in, because it’s just an amazing feeling to find someone who just gets it, you know?
once again, you did a really breathtaking job with the description; it was really easy immerse myself in the story. another thing i liked, though it wasn’t too prominent, i really appreciated the tiny conversation about what languages they speak as a point of connection; i just really like languages.
reading this friendship was so so sweet, especially because it’s reminiscent of those relationships where you’re just super glad that you got the chance to get to know someone, and what makes them tick? Idk.
this… really made me think about what great friendships i have right now, and i’m grateful for that because lately all i’ve been thinking about how lonely and unfulfilled i am. thank you for reminding of the things i have with me right now, and even if i can’t push those thoughts away completely, i at least got one moment of peace. thank you for writing. xx
Author's Response:Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!
~Kaitlin
hey kaitlin! i’m here for our swap!
and ohhh boy. this was one hell of a story for real. like i don’t know how to describe the entire feeling of it, but it made me feel like how i felt in the moments where when my friends would just be playing around at the table we’re sitting at, and i would just be hit with this, like, overwhelming feeling of love and appreciation. that’s how i feel when i’m calmer i guess. i also got this feeling of like, giddiness too? like you just meet one person and then it feels like you’re suddenly feeling better about the days to come just because of this one person who’s there? i’m not sure how to describe the feeling really, but i suppose that’s why you’re writing this too, ahaha.
this oneshot did really well describing how it feels to just click with someone who just gets you and suddenly there are flowing conversations, quiet moments, and an overall sense of adventure and excitement.
other than how well you were able to invoke such a specific emotion, i really enjoyed the description of this—every word had its own purpose in painting a vivid picture in my mind, and i really appreciate that. my favorite quote from this piece is: “somehow, when i land a hour later, the only thing i can remember is the sparkling clouds of silt and seashells and your magnetic smile in the center of it.” something about this sentence is really striking and beautiful to me, but i couldn’t tell you why.
these two have such great chemistry and friendship, that i’m sad that they can’t stay in touch with each other. i feel like these are the types of people you should keep in you life, but when you can’t… it just sucks major ass. but at least they both made a memory together, you know? and that experience is invaluable, really.
i’m actually really disappointed in myself that i didn’t get around to reading this sooner. it was amazing to read. thanks for writing! xx
Author's Response:Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!
~Kaitlin
Hi Kaitlin! Here for our chapter 2 swap.
One thing I really enjoy about your writing is your ability to set a scene through your use of description. It’s evocative and doesn’t feel overdone, which I think is easy to do with description. You weave in the imagery and sensory information so nicely with the descriptions of the characters’ actions, which makes it feel so much more natural.
Obviously not all first meetings can have that kind of instant spark we saw in your first chapter, and this guide is obviously not here to make friends. We don’t know anything about his life except that so much of it is spent in service to tourists who, mostly, probably come to consume and then leave, without stopping to think that they’re in his home.
I didn’t always love that character; notwithstanding the fact that he’s probably very skeptical of tourists and has plenty of experiences to back up that attitude, I noted his condescension towards the narrator at times, like about their suitcase and then when he told them that they should be scared about the night hike. I don’t know if we’re to assume the narrator is a woman -- I admit that was my assumption, and probably because I thought I read you say somewhere that this collection is inspired by your experiences -- but at any rate, thinking of the narrator as a (young) woman made the guide’s behavior more annoying to me because you wonder whether he’d make a similar comment to a man.
Anyhow, all of that is not a criticism; it’s an observation of the fact that you didn’t write him as someone perfect, and in spite of his initial attitude, he very obviously appreciates the fact that the narrator appreciates the things he cares about. The narrator cares enough to engage him in his own language and to talk to him as a person, not just a fixture in the local scenery, some servant who is there to make sure she has a good time. To be honest with you, I think a lot of us -- if not most of us; or hell, if not all of us -- have been guilty at some point, when we’re traveling, of just being there to do the stuff we want to do and not thinking of these people whose jobs are to assist us in consuming their environment, and their home. (If any of what I just wrote made any sense; it probably did not.)
Once again, I really love the delicate tone you strike here. There is a hint of sadness at the end, but I really just can’t bring myself to feel sad, because the whole interaction and experience and memory seems so overwhelmingly positive.
Great job and I look forward to more!
Melanie
Author's Response:This review made me feel so many warm fuzzy things. Thank you! <3
Hi, Kaitlin! I’m here for our review swap! <3
This is a GORGEOUS one-shot -- amazing, beautiful original fiction. I love the way it’s framed, like it’s almost an open letter to this dear friend made on this trip.
What I absolutely adored about this one-shot is the richness of description. Something of yours that actually left a deep impression on me was your food challenge, and how in the challenge description you mentioned incorporating the other senses because they’re often overlooked, which is SO true. You do a breathtaking job in this one-shot with that, especially when the exploration group delves deep into the jungle. I could practically smell the strong scents myself; though most people (myself included) probably would not even think to include smells in their description, you do! You write it SO naturally! And it adds an unbelievably amount of depth to your imagery. And it’s not just the way you write smell -- you do the same with sound and touch.
I could happily drown in your descriptions in this one-shot omg. They are so so so good.
I absolutely loved the depiction of the friendship! Even though it took place across such a short amount of time, you wrote the arc so beautifully! Whoever that “you” was, he sounded like a really special person; it makes the quote within the chapter summary have so much more meaning. I loved the close observation of his character, how he is likely (rightfully :P) fed up with a lot of travelers, and how much he loves wildlife. I also loved loved loved theme of language present in this piece!! It warmed my heart when there was a connection made around the not-usually-welcoming word “thorns”. I love it!
The friendship depicted was absolutely special and amazing! It broke my heart at the end, with the unlikeliness of there being a future meeting. I want to thank you so much for sharing. <3
Love,
Eva
Author's Response:OMG. Excuse me while I go squee about this review. You are like the queen of excellent description, so hearing that you think this is good description makes my heart so happy. <3 Thank you.
Hi, Kaitlin! I'm back for the second chapter!
Just like the first, you did an amazing job of setting the scene and giving us an immersive experience. All of the sensory detail -- both external and internal -- from the narrator's point of view helped me to dig in. It's cold here and I almost felt too hot and sweaty to move.
The conversation hangs in the air, the words trickling out at a sluggish pace, as if even speaking in this heat requires too much effort. -- Yassss! This!
I love the tour guide and the way that you very gradually peel back the layers of the character. So hardened and jaded. Emotional armor that could stop anything short of a bazooka. Judgment and disdain born from years (decades?) of watching clueless tourists wander into the jungle with all the wrong gear, the wrong expectations and the wrong goals. That, combined with a mild language barrier, makes it perfectly obvious why there's a lack of connection there. At least to start with.
The nighttime tour was a really cool idea, both as the beginnings of breaking the ice and in general. What could be wilder than experiencing the jungle at the time that so many of its animals are at their most active. It's not completely safe, per se, but man, what an experience.
I imagine we've scared away every animal within a two mile radius and yet, you soldier on. -- Definitely a drawback to exploring while in the company of a large number of flatland tourists.
I'm chuckling, imagining the reaction of most of the tourists to being shown... drum roll please... a mushroom! It was definitely not what most of them were hoping to see. But our narrator and the guide are fascinated by it. Little by little, you build those connections. All the while, you give us a very rich picture of the place the guide comes from.
You laugh when I huddle around the transistor radio with you and the cooks from the lodge to hear the end of the World Cup in the evenings, swearing as the ball is volleyed back and forth. -- If you want to find a connection with nearly anyone from South America, there are far worse ideas.
As we say our goodbyes, I see a bit of sadness in your eyes. It must be impossibly lonely to constantly make new friends only to lose them a few days later. -- This perfectly sums up everything you've been building toward as the narrator slowly makes a connection with the guide. It makes all the sense in the world.
Just like the first chapter, I can tell that you put a lot of effort into writing and editing. There isn't a word out of place or a word in excess. It's tight and smooth and just really well done. Can't suggest a thing.
Thank you for the swap. It was a pleasure to read this!
-Dan
Author's Response:Dan, I already told you via tweet, but you are seriously writing goals for me, so to see you leave such a complimentary review seriously made my life. Thank you for all your encouragement and concrit always. <3
Hi, Kaitlin! I'm here for the first leg of our swap.
Captivating. That's definitely the first word that came to mind after reading this. You gave us so much visual and sensory detail. From the outset, I was immersed in the scene you were creating. I've never gone diving, but I enjoy swimming, so some of what you were describing was relatable. The little tricks for controlling buoyancy and the awkwardness of trying to walk underwater. Other parts were completely foreign, but you made them make sense with your descriptions. The whole piece was lush with sensory detail.
The object of our protagonist's fascination was also painted vividly in my mind, even though we're missing a lot of details. Come to think of it, I don't even think you gave us a gender for either character. But in my mind, he's a middle-aged guy. Fit and attractive. Sun-weathered skin, but not overly so. A guy who might have originally come to the island for a vacation and then just never left. Or for all I know he was born there. It doesn't seem to matter much. It doesn't matter if he's a she and she's a he or any combination thereof. It's the feelings and the small interactions that make the story work.
We pass into a current of water as hot as a sauna and for a split second, my system freezes. -- The layering of water based on temperature and salinity is one of the most fascinating things in nature. I love all of the things you worked into the story that you've obviously experienced while diving.
I sign okay and head straight into pitch black. -- This sounds suspiciously like something Kaitlin would do. ;)
The other little thing that I thought was great was teasing the swimming children with bubbles in the water. It's such a spontaneous, playful moment. Speaks volumes about the character you've created.
Lastly, I loved the departure scene. I love the realization that we know some things aren't meant to last, but we cherish them. We cling to every memory and that little things bring us back to it in years to follow.
Your writing was fantastic in this chapter. I loved the way you chose your words. It flowed beautifully and it was written in a way that makes every word feel essential.
Awesome job!
-Dan
Author's Response:Excuse me while I flail and scream. I may seriously print this review, frame it, and hang it on a wall someday. Thank you!
I'm in the UK and ice tea is a thing but is not much of a thing so I'm embarrassed to say I had to reread your opening sentence three times before my sleepy brain made sense of it. Gosh, Kaitlin, your writing is so compelling. The descriptive passages here are just spinetinglingly beautiful. You plunge the reader straight into this world and I like how you don't patronise by adding too much explanation. You let the description speak for itself. Like with your last chapter, your main character really shines here. Is it the same character as chapter 1? They have that same adventurous side but we see a more thoughtful side here as well. The interactions with the guide are interesting here too, because you make it clear that it's not immediately easy to get throught the guide/tourist dynamic, but that underneath their differences are lots of shared qualities. I found myself wanting your main character to just stay with them, but that's not really the nature of these stories I know. Thank you so much for this swap. I'm so glad to have had the prompt to read this wonderful piece <3
Author's Response:Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!
~Kaitlin
Well hello Kaitlin! So excited to be back and reading your wonderful writing again. This writing is just BEAUTIFUL. I saw on your page on the forums that you're a diver and I think that really comes through in your description and all the little details in this. I love the inclusion of the darkness in the lake, and the way it is so ominous and dangerous while also being completely passive. Your main character is so reckless and delighted and I'm impressed that you managed to get that to come through with so little dialogue. I'm just sad that this is a one shot! I feel like these two characters have so much chemistry and I want to know more! But I saw in your end notes that the chapters in this collection all have a similar theme, so I'm excited to read on. Emma xx
Author's Response:Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!
~Kaitlin
Hi, Kaitlin! Here for our swap and man, did I miss your writing.
This story -- which really just focuses on one particular moment, one particular dive -- is incredible. You've always excelled in description, but here the imagery is truly amazing. It pulled me right into the thick of it. It didn't matter who the characters were, or where they were, either -- it only really seemed to matter in the end, when the narrator was talking about how short their connection is going to be. And that's what I loved about this the most; I could picture everything as if I was swimming with them, and the scuba language never felt confusing or out of place.
I loved the energy between these two. The connection was so raw and so real; and it's really incredible how things like this can happen. How you can meet someone and feel an instant connection of trust and respect. The flirty energy was fun, too; I'm glad they were able to have fun with each other on the dive, and there wasn't a moment where either of them seemed scared or nervous.
Two confident people enjoying each other's space was a joy to read. And I loved how the narrator was never one to be outdone; whenever their dive partner would do something, they had to try it, too. But it was nice to see them not necessarily succeeding right away -- the walking under water, for instance. They didn't let it get to them, though; it was just as fun as everything else. And of course they had to go swimming in the deep, dark water.
The title of this seemed super fitting too; and since this a collection of one-shots, I'd be very curious to see what the other stories were going to be.
Excellent work as always, Kaitlin! Thanks for the swap ♥
Author's Response:I've missed yours as well. Thank you for your lovely review! <3
Hi Kaitlin! Here for our swap! And ahh, where to even begin? This is gorgeous, and I felt so happy reading it.
The imagery is superb, and I felt like I could not only visualize everything, but practically touch it as well. The descriptions are so rich without feeling cumbersome. From the warm current to the floating silt (perfect title for this, by the way) to the dark, murky part of the lake.
The tone feels serene and languid, like underneath the lake, like a very long moment suspended in time, but then here and there, there are bits that feel downright giddy and made me feel giddy to read them, like the kiss on the hand and the narrator's cheeky response. There's very little dialogue in this, but the communication is loud and clear and sparkling.
I will never not love the trope of an instantaneous connection, or the feeling of really knowing and getting someone you've just met, or a soulmate or kindred spirit who you'll never see again but that's okay because they were meant just for that one moment in your life. I got some of each of these things from this story and thought you did it so well. How they just seem to get each other and work well together and value the moment, and nobody is trying to make it something it's not, they're just letting it be. And the way it ends feels wistful, but not sad. It's satisfying. I was left feeling in very good spirits.
This is such a great start to this collection, and I really look forward to seeing what you post next!
Melanie
Author's Response:Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!
~Kaitlin
Howdy Kaitlin!
First off, I'm sorry I'm late! Reviewing frenzy of 21 April 2020 never ended up occurring, but I'm here now to atone for my sins.
I am seriously upset that I did not read this sooner as I absolutely loved the story. I think it's one of your most beautiful pieces of writing. It's so immersive (ayyy) that I can actually imagine in my mind's eye the sights you're describing and the feelings, both emotional and physical that your narrator is experiencing - something that I imagine was the whole point of the perspective you chose.
One of the things I found most compelling was the friendship between the two characters - both knowing it's going to be an incredibly fleeting connection - but both enjoying the raw, positive energy of it - a meeting of two people so alike that they can't help, but enjoy every second of the limited time they have with each other.
I think the way you wrote that stirred that desire within (almost) all of us to experience such a pure, friendly connection. The perspective you used was also incredible in that I think any reader could insert themselves and another person or ideal into the characters and take even greater enjoyment from it.
Awesome read!
Author's Response:Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!
~Kaitlin
Hey, Kaitlin, here to review your story for our swap! (second try - SO accidently knocked the power out, and it erased my review. It was almost done, too!)
I'm not usually a fan of 'I' and 'You' stories. This one though was easy to read and understand, and the flow of words and story line was lovely. At first I eas confused as to gender of the characters, but I don't think it really mattered to the story anyhow. My take anyhow. (Best part - when 'You' did that courtly kiss to 'I's hand. I'm a sucker for that chivalric stuff.)
I'm not a diver (much of swimmer either) but your descriptives made it easy to understand and 'see' what was going on. That 'murky water' though - no way I'd have entered it myself - but I give your character kudos for doing it and getting out without any problems. It was a foolhardy act though...
So, I'm looking forward to more installments to this story when you get them posted.
<3juls
Author's Response:Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!
~Kaitlin
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