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Hi, Dan. I've finished this chapter and the other following chapters a long time ago, I couldn't find to drop reviews (just left stars at that time, sorry!). Finally, I can.
This chapter could be said 'Hermione's centric chapter'. The protagonist of this chapter is her. It's so thrilling how she struggled with her agonies such as love for Ron, her daughter and granddaughter or anger against her incapability to walk and help them. Readers can't stop feeling sympathy or empathy towards her.
I like how you described Ron who grew up an attentive adult. His observation of her is full of love and his experience as a professional Auror made him such a man.
The timing when Harry and Esme entered is great. Harry's battle against Hermione from Ron's POV is super. And the scene after that, I'm sure most of readers will shed tears reading their friendship. (Me, too, nearly).
Agh, Rory, I don't like him.
The team work of Harry and Ron to protect Hermione is well written. It's brilliant from the spot Molly tried to hug Hermione. It's heartbreaking remembering Ginny for me, too. So I understand Weasleys couldn't accept Esme entirely. I hope Fleur will change the situation better, for Harry.
Oh, you prepared climax with mighty, angry Hermione at the end. And sadness, readers will feel for her, be absorbed in her emotions.
I might twitter somewhere, I suspect Arabela is Lady T. It's no good they let her enter the Burrow!!!
K
Dan, thank you for caution, your care at the beginning. Dark things revive some people's trauma. That's one of the reasons I couldn't leave a review here sooner.(most of them were caused my RL things and events on the forums, I am the type of person who can't ignore the other houses waiting to beat lions. :D
But now is okay. More lions came back, I am relieved. )
It was too much for me imagining Rose's suffer and felt for her more when you let her decide to stay even after the mad man had mercy to let her go.
This twists and turns is very American, and very entertaining so that many HP fanfiction readers are attracted by your story.
I saw Harry in Rose who would challenge to be tortured to save her child. It's hard to see her in such a nearly broken state of her mind.
I saw the light in Malfoys. It's splendid you prepared hope among Rose's suffering scenes and the spot where Harry and French Auror witnessed. I felt encouraged to read on by Draco's cool statements and even impressed by his words, he did what he had to, which sounds quite healthy compared with Lady Tenabra's brutal act.
And I smiled at the spot when Mrs. Malfoy saved her husband and her son.
Like Narcissa, it must be her who would save the world at last.
K
Hi Dan! Can you believe how long it's been??? Here are some reviews that I thought you might like to have at your new home. I dated this first one, because who doesn't appreciate nostalgia, right?
28th January 2012:
Hi there. Tag!
I loved the description in this section. It felt real, had a good presence there. Lovely! Harry's attutide of calm had me thinking that he was somewhat expecting to end up in Kings Cross Station, so I hadn't expected you to hold the reason for his being there back, but I'm glad you did. It was a surprise, and I love being surprised when I read a fic.
So of course I want to read the next chapter, because you have laid out so many questions that need answering, like why is Harry there, why does Ginny meet him, what year is it, etc. etc. Though if I had one criticism, I would have liked a tiny little clue as to how old Harry is here. Perhaps if you didn't want to come out and say it, adding a smidge of description about Harry's appearance might do the trick, just for me to anchor the story in time... give us a subtle hint about how much time has passed since we last saw him, something like that.
Anyway, lovely style, great flow. Really enjoyed reading this.
pix
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Beautifully written, very emotional chapter. All the little details that you threw in when Harry was talking to Ginny throughout this chapter painted a really clear picture of how he spent his time through the years. The ending was perfect, particularly the words on her monument. So.. so much flow...
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Ron and Hermione with the grandbaby was precious! Toes!
I liked the little details about how "technology" has been moving forward and the wizard-like attitude that they have towards it. It makes the scene feel really authentic and sets it firmly in your time period. Your unique idea of the magic glass concept surely fixes a lot of problems that the HP world seems to have with technology. Also nice to see that Harry has put his fortunes to good use.
I love how Al and James had video games stashed away too. Haha! And Rose and Scorpius' life is truly a wreck, possibly from all those fanfic authors who keep throwing them together in spite of their differences. It's great how you've incorporated a realistic image of "fanon" and what that might mean for a long term relationship into these characters.
The boggart scene was a great way to give us a hint of what happened to Ginny. Octavia's offer to Harry of the unicorn was also really sweet. There are a lot of sweet family moments here, pulling together the bits and pieces of the past before we move forward. It certainly did what it was supposed to, giving me a hint of where you are taking the story. Very entertaining, and well done!
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So good to see Percy in an important role in your story. I agree that he is definitely underutilized! He makes a good speech to defend the trio, that's for sure. You did a fantastic job of reining in Harry's grief until after the verdict was announced, that he held it together and allowed his anger to stem the grief until it was a proper time to "let it all out".
That was a real shocker though, finding out what Percy did. Having him describe how it felt was just chilling, something that I'd never have pictured Percy to do, or even think about doing.
Those last lines were so very Dumbledore. Good chapter!
I always appreciate Neville!
So good to see Neville has done well for himself. And nice work with the description of the students' dueling abilities. I liked that Harry had some interest in the recruits for the Auror's department. It gave him a personal interest in the class, besides that he's just such a great guy and all. :)
Your descriptions of the dementors really worked for me. I wasn't absolutely certain where they were going or who Harry was trying to show the students until they saw the dementors themselves. It was a pretty suspenseful lead-in to that section. I was surprised too, that Mr. Northway had never even heard of dementors, much less who Dumbeldore was. It is pretty clear evidence that the students in general are indeed lacking a complete education on that front. Perhaps a course in "Recent History" would do them well, in addition to the "Ancient History" they are being fed. It's sad that Neville hadn't seen this coming, that he wouldn't have erected memorials around the school to commemorate the bravery of his classmates. It's something I could have seen Neville doing.
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"The first change he noticed was that he was suddenly drunk most of the time."
I love the way you brought Draco into the story, highlighting the strained, yet cordial relationship the Malfoys have with the Weasleys, and then tying Draco's problems to Hermione's world. I feel your story start to weave in and out of these people's lives, affecting them all in some way. You've done a fantastic job of weaving the back story into your plot, while keeping things moving forward.
Though Astoria never said Flint's name out loud, I'm pretty certain that Hermione will find out his name soon enough.
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Loved the bit about Astoria: 'Wasn't that what Potter and his friends did, take care of other people's dark wizard problems?" It's funny to me that both she and Draco were regretting not learning that patronus charm back in school.
The scene at St. Mungo's with Hermione's family was really well depicted. They are all so caring and worried, and she is very out of it. I loved how you described her still in a daze, how she felt and heard things and how difficult it was for her to put her arom around her daughter, but she managed it anyway.
The back and forth between Astoria's scenes and the Aurors was a good choice here. You really kept everything moving along and we got to see both sides of it. And my, Draco is well and crotchety!
Ah, I remember it well!
I am starting to get intrigued by your villainess. She seems quite cunning. This is good. I also like how you have constructed Flint's attitude here. He wants the rewards but he's impatient. That's usually a recipe for trouble. :)
I like how Harry used all resources available to get the identity of the curse. That it was Black's portrait made it a really cool development. It is interesting that Ginny's absence wasn't noticeable to me until Harry thought about her later that evening. It's really good writing there, because I felt a pang right along with him.
I really enjoyed reading the scene where Flint tries to recruit the men in the bar. You put him in what looked like his element and then hit him with a few grisly characters that were so out of his league and made him deal with it. So very entertaining.
It was very touching that the Healer went to Harry to gauge Ron and Hermione's reaction to the possibility that she might not fully recover. I liked that you brought us back around to the sensitive and caring characters. There is such a contrast between the light and dark here.
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Things are looking dire for Harry and his friends/family. He was pretty restless with all the paperwork and letters, and I felt the release when he finally had something to do.
I love how Ron is adamant to stay by Hermione's side as she heals. The argument with Hugo was fun to read.
This older, introspective Harry seems right in character for his age. You have done a fantastic job with the physical descriptions, the thoughts, everything to make him come across as having lived and experienced what he has. Very impressive characterization! I smile every time he yells out to his house elf as he's leaving the house.
And there are plans for backstabbing in the works. Very interesting...
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I loved the immediate juxtaposition of the Weasley family and the Malfoys.Poor Draco doesn't get a rest, does he? Haha!
I think you did a wonderful job of capturing the Weasley clan at its most hectic. The memorial prank was really fun. I loved that George had it twisted to the children.
"Here here!" cheered the bust. "Take no guff from that trifling woman."
Ah haha! What a great line. I really like this bust fellow. Too bad that he's not a real character... or is he??
I like how you chose Rose to come to Harry's aide when he needed a pep talk. Seems like that was just the thing he needed at the moment.
I also loved the "happy thought" that Eglin used to get his patronus going. Good thing too. Everybody needs a happy thought before they go. Oh, and that evil Lady Tenabra!
"Magical Me tumbled to the ground next to Flint's lifeless body."
Another well-placed line. Great things are happening now.
All the reviews need their new home.
The image of Ron playing chess with himself until early morning somehow amuses me to no end. And the Malfoy elf trying to pull Harry away from Draco was also pretty fun.
The scene with Hermione was pretty panicky. I liked how you showed her rational side battling with her emotional reaction to the possible non-recovery. (See? When I can't remember the right word, I just make one up.) I almost felt like she was having one of those forgotten flashbacks and I couldn't decide if it was something that had once happened to her, or if is was the fear of what was to come.
And you've done well with the angst-ridden Harry, who seems to blame himself for all the ill that has befallen him and the people he loves. Hermione needed to know and so did Ron. Things are really piling up for him though. I hope he is still strong enough to stand under the pressure.
Dazzypam is good stuff. Haha! It was nice that Harry had a good surprise for Hermione and Ron after that. They certainly needed it. And then more news from Susan!
You've done a magnificent job in bringing the story to the reader, showing how the villains are affecting the lives of all the characters in a very personal way.
Hey, transferring reviews!
I'm liking the combination of wizard and Muggle means to figure things out. I think it works well in your story, to show how the wizards and Muggles have built up relations over the years since the last war. It also gives the opposition a point to rage over, like, "what's next?"
"He fell into the rubbish bin and had a heart attack."
If only it were that easy! And poor Percy is having a hard time of it too.
"It occurred to him that he'd be purchasing a new copy of Magical Me."
Ah haha! The things that amuse me... I know. I'm strange that way. I just used a Gilderoy Lockhart reference in my own fic very recently. I guess that's why. : )
I think that Luna hit on something there, but the rest of them failed to see it. As usual. She needs to be listened to more often.
Transferred review! Yes, it is!
I'm liking the combination of wizard and Muggle means to figure things out. I think it works well in your story, to show how the wizards and Muggles have built up relations over the years since the last war. It also gives the opposition a point to rage over, like, "what's next?"
"He fell into the rubbish bin and had a heart attack."
If only it were that easy! And poor Percy is having a hard time of it too.
"It occurred to him that he'd be purchasing a new copy of Magical Me."
Ah haha! The things that amuse me... I know. I'm strange that way. I just used a Gilderoy Lockhart reference in my own fic very recently. I guess that's why. : )
I think that Luna hit on something there, but the rest of them failed to see it. As usual. She needs to be listened to more often.
Transferred review!
Ron is pushed to his limit with the computers. I liked how you described his trepidation in the Muggle police station and how he was forced to get someone to help with the files. Desperate times...
Hermione gets to be a genius again, and I loved how you did it, with a combination of Muggle and Wizard techniques that no one else would have thought of. I thought that was a brilliant continuation of the "Muggles are confusing" theme started in the first scene with Ron and the computers.
Rose's insults are priceless. How do you come up with all of that?? And Scorpius' dialogue, both the internal and external, was really funny and a good break from the dark plotting.
Gamp is hideously evil, and I liked the way you showed it through Goyle's reactions to him. Makes me shudder.
So Ron and Harry and Hermione will have a lot to discuss when they meet up again. I love how you put so many details into your plot. It could go so many different ways, and I can't wait to find out which path you took!
pix
Transfer in progress..
Lady Tenabra's willingness to let Gamp deal with the clumsy henchmen was a great insight into her cut-throat nature. Still creepy, tho'. This was a brilliant line that both shows your ability as a writer and your firm grasp of the Potterverse:
"Several other wizards asked questions, but they were the sort that a man asked about a broom that had already taken flight in his mind."
She is such a scheming witch.
"It's not faith, dear," the elderly witch replied. "Faith is believing in something you cannot see. I've watched you for a long time. I know exactly what you're capable of."
I like this Hattie lady. She is quite a contrast to Tenabra. I love how diverse your characters are and how you are showing many different sides of the situation. It's also interesting that Tennant is reluctant to help Dennis at Hogwarts, where Harry truly wants to turn him around. I wonder if we're going to get any more back story on that.
The scene between Ron and Percy was really well done. Amazing bit of dialogue that showed us Ron's need and Percy's desperateness to keep his memories buried for his own sanity.
"Honestly, a big part of the appeal of hanging out at bars and concerts was the odd conversations that he seemed to have with himself in the solitude of an unfamiliar crowd."
That line was really well-turned. And then we get a glimpse of Percy's ambivalence. It's quite eerie. I'm suspecting that there's more to it and I hope I get to find out.
Great chapter!
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"Is this how our 'new world' is gonna be? I have to say I preferred the old one."
Ahh, a little late for that, Rowle, isn't it? I love, love what you did with Gamp. So incredibly dark and disturbing and cool! And the great part was that I had no idea it was coming. Fantastic. I also enjoyed the little bit where Tenebra is figuring out the runes. We know they do it all the time, but I think that's the first time I've read a scene like that in fanfiction. Or maybe I'm not reading the right stories... :)
I love the part in the stories where the subplots start to weave together and make everything we thought we knew into a complete unknown again.
Ron and the BMW... hee hee! Mr. Pix had a Porche once. That's all I'm gonna say.
I really had fun reading how Hermys was trying to explain things to Harry and Ron about Percy. I think you did another fantastic job with the dialogue there, as well as the subtext. (It's not often that I get to talk about subtext in a review!)
That was a nice opportunity for Hermione to discover her issue with the wheelchair. I'm sure there's more healing to be done, but at least she has made a start.
pix
Doing nothing is never a great option. In fact, it's my least favorite option. Hence...
"Doing nothing doesn't seem like an option, does it?"
Very wise, Neville. It was fun to see that he still had his old coin from the D.A.
Uh oh! Arabella seems suspicious now. I worry about Percy. I love how you are slowly unveiling whatever connections he has with the situation.
Harry seems to be making his recovery time longer and longer... but that is incredibly in character of him to push himself farther than he should. Interesting development there with Hermione. Funny that you made Audrey's daughter grate against Hermione's nerves a little. Family. Gotta live with them somehow.
"He wondered what sort of enchantments she used to achieve such lift and separation."
Those Blacks... *covers eyes*. Conniving and hungry. For sandwiches, that is. I happen to like a good sandwich, myself.
"Soon, she told herself, the games would be over..."
Another uh oh! I guess we'll be seeing a lot more of Tenabra in the future.
Still enjoying your story!
So many memories...
I really liked Bill's forward thinking about the spells, redirecting them instead of taking them down. That was a clever move so as not to alert the persons responsible for the monitoring spells.
"Anything that happened prior to the moment her portkey arrives today is going to be a sore spot, Ron. There isn't time to scratch the surface."
Egads! That is not the way I would want to be warned about a meeting with an ex.
Octavia was really cute with Scorpius in this scene. And Astoria seems like a sensible woman. I guess they'll be alright one way or another.
Hermione's new find is very interesting. At least she has something to work with now, however unlikely the source.
"It was really quite miserable..."
Yes, we all believe you Harry. The dialogue that came after was really hilarious. It's funny how time clouds memories of things. Having Ron and Hermione in the room with them, awkwardly listening in as a captive audience made it all the more fun. Hermys to the rescue! Great effect of having the unwanted visitors find all of Harry's defense spells in place.
Fun chapter!
Another review from that distant memory...
Interesting choice you made with the Gamp home. I always wondered what became of it, assuming that it was somehow still in the possession of some Slytherin out there. But the Wizarding Laws would say otherwise, I suppose.
I really liked how Harry pulled the plan together while they were hiding out. The conversation seemed really natural for the characters, like they were trying to figure it out in real time. That's difficult to make it come alive without seeming forced. Your skill as a writer came through in bright shiny colors here!
I loved Percy's attitude about the press conference and that he wanted to do something about it. Arabella's suggestion was quite a surprise to me! There you go again with the surprises. Nice one.
The scene with Al, Hugo and Teddy was a light reprieve, while showing how the events affected the rest of the family. It was good that Susan was there to set them straight about a few things. Things continue to churn and swirl.
Bet you were wondering when these were going to show up...
"At the moment, he couldn't imagine how anyone could feel so calm. Being dead was probably a big help, he reckoned."
This was a great character moment for Harry. It showed us his anxiety and impatience, and also his sense of humor that permeated the books. Glad that his still has that! I also loved his thoughts on Ron and Hermione's scheming off to the side.
Harry's grief overlaid with the presence of Esme really brought out his inner conflict. I assumed that this would come into play eventually, and here it is.
I found the moment with Hermione and Esme necessary. Esme is a very straightforward character. She takes things at face value and I think that Hermione perceives that in her. Also, with the ages of these characters, it seems in line to expect them to be more direct with each other sooner rather than later.
Tenabra is at it again. I had suspected that Tennant was up to some kind of no good. You showcased quite effectively that to even consider him as Head Auror is laughable.
"The society pages of the Daily Prophet had recently linked Mrs. Zabini romantically to Ewan MacDougal, the elderly patriarch of the old, pure blood family. Hermione reckoned that she might as well use that information before he mysteriously turned up dead."
I love how you use little canon details to flesh out your story. Hermione certainly got into character at the Ministry. I'm sure the ill-fitting clothes helped a great deal. There is a reason that corseted supports went out of style. *nods*
It's great how these older wizards are adept at nonverbal spells. I love seeing them use their magic without bumbling around like they used to as inexperienced kids. Really great flourish with the Confundus charm.
And Susan to the rescue again. She's a smart one. You really held up the suspense in the Ministry section well. I wasn't sure they were going to make it back to the Gamp place...
Really good chapter here. Everything keeps moving along, faster even than before. When you juggle so many characters in one story, it can get complicated and fragmented, but you continue to glue the bits and pieces together into a cohesive whole. Very impressive!
Yes, there we go...
Harry and Esme in the train. That was awkward. At least it was easier to be honest without an audience this time. Though, it is sad that a witch as headstrong and capable as Esme hadn't been able to make peace with herself about what had happened between them after all these years. Given the ages of these characters, I think that was the only thing I missed, that she didn't have to necessarily forgive him, but that she might have eventually seen it for what it was and moved on, at least a little. I thought Harry's "explanation" was reasonable and I was relieved that Esme found her understanding.
George's decoy was great! I always knew he would have the perfect thing up his sleeve at any given moment. Always the prankster, even with the pass-phrase. Funny! The resulting meeting was interesting. I wondered who was going to show up. Molly is still fiercely protective, but her sons are more than full grown now. I'm glad they had the spine to speak their minds about the younger generation. They are right. When it comes down to it, no one is exempt from a full blown war. They're going to be involved whether they want to or not.
The scene with the lost memory was well done. If anything was going to get to Harry, it would be that. You described everything in vivid detail, right down to what was on the cake and the lights going out after the candle was lit. It was really quite a beautiful memory.
They way your plot meanders through all of these side characters is really quite something. It strings the story along, while giving you the opportunity to explore many facets of the wizarding world that we wouldn't ordinarily see if we were brought straight to the source of their problems.. You haven't yet covered squibs, and judging from the professor's reaction to the circumstance, I'm sure you have another story to tell about this sister they are going to see. And French things in general. And a little more about Esme.
Another fine chapter. And a great chapter title!
Here we go... *delivers review*
I feel like I have to say something about Ron and Hermione getting creative...
You always take us all the way into the scene, adding as much detail as you can possibly fit in. Seems to be a trend. It's great because we get to know your characters inside and out. I really appreciate how you've not only created a riveting plot with all kinds of twists and turns, but that you have also managed to fit in so many deeper character explorations, while still moving everything forward. That takes talent, and a lot of divided focus. (I would love to get a peek at your outlines to see how you keep everything straight) :)
Yikes! Goyle! And Nott!
And they actually discover something after the mess they made! Talk about making a scene interesting... I think you went out of your way on that one... in a good way, of course. With the writing, not with the content, because that was pure evil, but you know what I mean.
The extra sloppy spells to make everything unreadable later was a fine touch. The thought of Goyle looking up Draco is quite disturbing, seeing as Draco is trying to keep himself and his family out of it for as long as possible. Oh well. I guess nothing lasts forever.
The interplay you've set up between Harry and Esme in previous scenes had set the atmosphere for their "surveillance" very nicely. I actually didn't need much in the way of explanation at the start of that scene. The actions of the characters spoke for themselves there. I really liked how Harry picked up on Elena's exit and was able to track her after their confrontation with her father. And then the run in with Dauzat kept us hopping - I really felt bad for Harry when he was trying to get more information and then Esme gave it all away like that. Very rash, but it fits perfectly with her personality. And do I detect a bit of foreshadowing? I know you're not going to tell me. That's okay. I'll keep reading.
Oh and another twist with Arabela. Makes me wonder if we're ever going to see a reconciliation between Percy and his wife at this point. Audrey has been conspicuously absent so far.
You continue to surprise, entertain, and paint fascinating pictures of these characters.
Yes, yes, there's more where that came from!
"They seemed like children, although at her age, many people did."
I like this Susan. Have I said that before? I can't remember, but I really like her. I had forgotten if Terry Boot had appeared in the story before, but this was a good intro/reminder. Too bad about Susan's coffee though. I guess something has to be sacrificed for the greater good. You had her so bogged down in the muck, but then she got to DO something about it. That probably made her week right there, letting her take all her frustrations out on her so-called superiors. (If only normal people got the chance to do that every once in a while. I hear it clears the head.) It was quite fortuitous that she ran into Al in the atrium. I think you contrasted Al and Hugo's inexperience well along-side Susan's seasoned reasoning. And you managed to add a bit of levity that only the NextGen characters could bring. That scene was packed with action! You didn't make it too easy on them AND you ended with a cliffhanger. Bravo!
"I loved your mother dearly, but she didn't have the financial sense that Merlin gave a drunken mountain troll. She lost it all, didn't she?"
Hello, Astoria. I'm glad you're back! Seeing Draco and Astoria again was a real treat. I liked how they interacted with each other, and Draco's fears about what Astoria would do when she found out about their situation. Goyle's note and Draco's reaction to it were entertaining as well. I suppose he's going to literally keep that in his back (or front) pocket for now and see if it becomes useful later. Very clever (or desperate) of him.
I found the line about Draco thinking that he and Astoria were from the same background interesting. I suppose from his point of view, he was thinking about both of them being from pureblood families. But really, his upbringing was much darker, so much of it was filled with dread and an overwhelming sense of helplessness, while I'm sure Astoria's home life was less so (since Voldemort didn't constantly show up for tea at her place and wreak havoc with her servants and such). It's interesting that you've chosen to highlight Draco's personality this way, that he has such strong emotional reactions to loosing things and people that it causes him to despair so. It makes sense. Having him paired with someone as pragmatic as Astoria was a great way to showcase this.
I also noticed that everyone seems to be nice to owls except for Draco. Explains why no one every writes him with a pet, doesn't it?
Great chapter, as always!
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