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Hi, Dan. Though it's against my will to copy and paste the old review I did in the past, I think it's not a bad idea to record the reminiscence of House Cup 2015, good old days, so I'll transfer some reviews.
*Gryffindor /House Cup 2015/ Amazing Race 5
Hi, Dan. I didn't expect that I had a chane to read this before my summer vacation would start. I've been itchy to read your story.
I relieved to read what Harry felt in detail. I missed this. I felt like I came home after I had detoured around other stories. This is what I really wanted to read for long time. Searching for his wand and the blur view and being alone are the very necessary condition to describe Harry. Mystery, danger and a little hope may be usual way but I can't stop feeling excited to read this kind of story.
Hmm, the prlogue is very cliffhanging. Does it mean Ginny was dead, too? Or are they in the real King's Cross station? I also used the King's Cross station to imply he was nearly dead, too. I let him survive, so you maybe set the plot like that?
p.s. 2017/05/20
It's a beautiful start from the scene at King's Cross station. I'm looking forward to reading the other chapters this coming summer vacation.
Kenny
*transferred from HPFF*
First section (Ron)
I had slightly mixed feelings about this section.
I really liked your portrayal of Ron and Hermione's relationship as well as both of their characters individually. There have been points in this story where I've really liked how you interpret the way the characters we knew in the books might have changed over time, and points where I felt like you kept them a bit too static. This is definitely an example of the former; I could easily see how Ron and Hermione would have grown up to be like this, and in some ways, I could see a ghost of their interactions regarding doing their homework when they were in Hogwarts in the beginning (with much more adult content, obviously).
As the section went on, however, I also felt like you showed that Ron has matured since then (which in some ways is obvious, but so many writers don't depict him in that way), and that Hermione has mellowed a bit. In that respect, the chapter was very well done.
However, while your treatment of Ron and Hermione as characters was excellent, I wasn't so sure about your treatment of the plot important information. In the first paragraph, I think she was reorganising the case file in a way that made more sense, but I had a hard time following (and visualising) what was going on. More importantly, there were points where I felt like you were presenting information because the readers needed to know it, and it didn't integrate well into the narrative.
For example, Hermione not knowing that the Aurors sometimes don't allow Magical Law Enforcement to copy everything struck me as odd - she's not an Auror, and I can see how that might not come up over dinner, but she does work in Magical Law Enforcement, and she's presumably of a pretty high rank. I would believe it if she said, "Oh, of course, I hadn't thought of that," but for her to apparently be completely ignorant about the idea made me feel like it was a fairly transparent attempt to relay the information to readers, rather than something that fit with the story.
There were a few other points like that, and I wish you'd integrated some of the information a bit better. The characterisation was good in this section, and I felt like there was important information being presented. I just wish the presentation had been a little smoother. (If that makes sense.)
Second section (Goyle)
Okay, I found this section really interesting. It wasn't very long, and at least as far as I could tell, it didn't reveal any crucial plot information, but it did give a new glimpse of the world that compliments where the story is right now nicely. The idea of magical children going to muggle schools is interesting and shows how their society has changed since the time of the books, and the attack also helps set the mood for the current atmosphere in the country. Nice job.
I'm still not wild about all of the povs, especially ones like this (that, at least as far as I can tell, is probably just going to be included this once), but that's personal preference, and I don't know who else you could have used to show this.
Third section (Harry)
This section was excellent. You fit a lot of important pieces into it, and you did it in a natural, interesting way.
There were some very important additions to the plot in this. The information about Katerina is probably the most important, and that was well done - I especially liked the bit about Katerina's sister and the locket. But you know that the information about Katerina is vital: it's obvious.
What's less obvious but what I liked just as much was the glimpse into international relations that you gave us. Harry's reluctance to open up to the French Auror despite the serious problem in Britain's Ministry was interesting and made a lot of sense, as did Esme's willingness to. Of course she doesn't care about tact or secrecy regarding the British Ministry - she's French.
Her openness also helped to establish more about her character on her grounds, not Harry's (which I think was important, given that she seems to be becoming a major character), and it was a nice way to show Harry's irritation and frustration with her. It seemed to me that Harry was irritated with her as much just to be irritated with her than anything she actually said or did, in part because of their past and in part because he feels emotionally vulnerable because of the thing with his parents, and surprise surprise, Harry deals with emotional vulnerability by getting annoyed.
That's Harry, through and through, IMO, and I think it's one thing that wouldn't have changed. Nice job in that respect as well - it was subtle, but it was definitely there.
My only issue with it was with some of the dialogue; some characters were written with obvious French accents, and some were not. I would have liked to see some difficulty understanding each other or thicker/milder accents, if you were going to include them at all. As is, it just felt odd. Other than that, though, this was terrific.
Fourth section (Percy)
Another excellent section. As with the second one, it was short, but I think you accomplished exactly what you needed to in it. You showed a side of Percy's personality that hints at what we saw in the books - ambition - and also that has been tempered since he was in school, presumably in part from the war. Nice job. I'm wondering how his giving into Arabela's prodding will turn out.
My only complaint about this section is that I would have liked to see a little more about Percy's relationship with her; when she started to talk about her family, you could have offered up some more detail about that (how long they've known each other, how close they've been for how long, etc).
All in all, this was a very nice chapter. The first section was definitely the weakest, IMO, but all in all, I thought that you had a nice mixture of character development, world building, and plot development, and I'm interested to see what happens next!
*transferred from HPFF*
Great chapter!
First section (Harry)
The first part of this came across as a little awkward for me. On the whole, you described the scene well, and it was a nice way to open the chapter - there was just enough action to grab my attention without being overwhelming. However, there were a number of points where I felt like you were rushing the scene. I understand that you didn't want to spend too long just getting them on the train, but at the same time, I do think that you needed to slow down a little.
For example, as far as description goes, the first paragraph of the chapter was a little unclear - I think that the paragraph would have worked better if you'd cut out the two sentences in the middle. Similarly, I was confused about why it was even necessary to use the muggle as a decoy.
Along the same lines, there were a lot of intuitive leaps Harry made toward the start of the chapter that I wanted you to back up. I can understand how he might have been able to pick the wizards out of the crowd, but I wanted a better reason. There are a lot of people who wear dated or unmatched clothes. Additionally, the jump to, "that box has a Sneakoscope" and "the Sneakoscope obviously senses us" seemed like a big leap. I wanted to know why he was confident about those things..
Finally, both Esme's and Harry's reaction to traveling as muggles seemed strange. Based on the books, at least, it seems like wizards are at least familiar with trains and boats, and I'm not quite clear on why airplanes were so confusing.
Other than that, though, the section was good. I still feel like Esme's reaction to Harry is a little overblown, considering how long ago whatever happened between them was (unless she had a child with him or something), but I think I'm going to just have to try to let that go.
I did feel like the explanation he gave her was reasonable. It explained why he would have betrayed Ginny like that in a reasonable way, which I've certainly been wondering, and I also felt like it moved Harry and Esme along from the standstill I was afraid they'd fall into.
I'm also glad that you took the opportunity to move them into France while you addressed that; it felt a lit more natural than simply starting the scene by announcing that they were in France or, on the other end, taking way too long to get them there. It's something that could have easily become very boring, but you handled the transition quite well.
Second section (George)
This section I was a lot less conflicted about. I think that you did an excellent job capturing George, especially in terms of showing realistic character development given the time that's passed. He's still recognisably George, of course - the faerie wings are absolutely something I can see being a product in Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes, and him using them like that is completely in character. However, I also felt like you did add some maturity and thoughtfulness to him that wasn't there before.
The same was true for the rest of the Weasleys. I liked what you've done with Charlie, and there's still a suspiciousness and an uneasiness I feel about Percy that's perfect. Molly hasn't really changed much - if anything, she's gotten even more protective and bullish about the whole thing - but I think that that's a good thing, too. There's no reason why should would have changed.
I also liked the way Arthur and Molly managed to shake their tail, though I think I might have liked it a bit better if you'd included some explanation about why Molly knew anything about muggle psychiatric wards and where to find them or made it Arthur's idea in the first place. Alternatively, you could have made her lead them into a home for people suffering from dementia, which I think it's a bit more likely that Molly would know about. Either way, it was quite funny. Ditto the comment about the tail being arrested for vagrancy.
The only thing that bothered me about this was quite minor, and I may have mentioned it in a previous review - I don't love that Fleur still has an accent. She's been in England surrounded by English speakers for decades. At least in my experience, you tend to shed most of your accent after such an extended time. Just my opinion, though.
Third section (Harry)
On the whole, I liked this section as well. Without it, I feel like this chapter would have felt almost unnecessary, because all it did previous to this is establish things we already knew or could guess with a little extra information. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing to do - I just think that when there's nothing that moves the plot along or starts to answer big questions, the chapter ends up being a bit disappointing. That's especially true of a story like this, which is primarily plot driven.
So in terms of that, this section was terrific. It helped give me a sense of direction that the story could move in next. I would have liked a little more detail about Katerina from either Turgeon or Esme here - I'm sure that will come, but it would have been nice to have some of it here, too. Turgeon herself was fun, and I liked her.
I did think that Esme's showing Harry his parents right there was a bit odd, and it would have made a lot more sense to me if she did that in the next chapter, after they were in a different and more relaxed environment. That's just me, though.
All in all, good chapter. It did feel a bit slow, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, yk?
*transferred from HPFF*
First section (Harry/Hermione)
Hmm. I'm of two minds about this section. I really loved it on the whole, but there are a few parts that I think could use a bit of work.
I'll start with what I liked.
I thought that you did an excellent job of depicting Ron and Hermione's relationship after decades of marriage. There was a little impatience and some of the familiar sniping, but I also felt like they've changed and matured from the Ron and Hermione we saw in the books (I'm thinking in particular of Ron's helping her with the Pensieve here). That's something that I think I've been iffy on in the past, because I don't always feel like you have developed the canon characters enough given the amount of time that's passed since the books, but here, you struck an excellent balance.
I also felt that, in general, you did a great job depicting the interactions between characters. Harry's thinking that it's not worth it to get in the middle of Ron and Hermione's spats, or Hermione talking about Harry when she's in the memory with Esme - those were brilliant, and really helped to make the story seem real to me. Similarly, the way Harry thought about Ginny and his worry about visiting her grave in the future came across as quite genuine and raw to me.
Additionally, what you did with the memory, including the fact that you had Hermione enter the Pensieve with Esme rather than Harry, was really interesting. I mean, realistically, it didn't contain much that, as a reader, I couldn't have already guessed, but even so, it was nice to see it spelled out, and I can already see that the conclusions they drew from it will help advance the plot. Yay!
However, like I said, I do think that there are a few things that could be improved upon. At the top of that list is Esme.
She isn't badly done, but I didn't really feel like she was as strong as I think you're capable of making her, either. In particular, the part where she opened up to Hermione felt a little odd - from what we've seen of Esme thus far, I just didn't really believe that she'd open up that much to Harry's best friend. I also felt like a lot of the conversation was just taking up space rather than adding real substance - if you want the conversation to be there, I think that you could have cut it back considerably. Similarly, the way Harry mused about Esme was good in that it clarified a few things for me, but at the same time, it sometimes felt a little forced. I just didn't feel like Esme was as well-integrated as she could have been.
I also felt like the transition from Harry's point of view to Hermione's and back again was a little choppy and awkward. It would be worse if you were using first person, but even with third person, it feels a little awkward, especially since you typically use a section break to show when you're changing perspective where here, you do it mid-scene. I'm not really sure what the solution is, but I do think that it would be a good idea to look that over.
Beyond that, this was a good section, but I did feel like that issue weakened the section a bit as a whole.
Second section (Tenabra)
This section, on the other hand, was tidy and well-put together. I have no criticism about it. You included exactly what you needed to. It confirmed some of my suspicions about Tennant and, again, while I could have guessed most of what was revealed and there was nothing earth shattering in it, it still helped to really clarify where people stand. Nice job.
Third section (Hermione)
There are two things that I really like about this section: first, that you revealed some new and interesting information along with some of the things that I'd already suspected in the previous two sections, and second, that you really took advantage of the scene to get creative. The depth with which you have developed this world is definitely one of your strongest assets. This was a great opportunity to show it off, and you didn't disappoint.
I liked pretty much everything about this section. The Zabinis were a very nice disguise, and I really liked what you did with them. In particular, Hermione's attempts to think how she thought Mrs. Zabini would were both well done and quite funny at times - her telling the witch that she needed to get started making babies was absolutely classic.
I also found the fact that the prosecutor seemed to resent being dragged into the entire situation to be a nice twist, as was the implication that many other people found the charges to be ridiculous as well. I'm interested to see where it leads in terms of the trio clearing their names, as well as what they find in that file.
The only issue I had with this section is that I wasn't really sure how this qualified as crazy, which seemed to be the implication at the end of the first section. Creative, sure, but not crazy - they used a disguise and got in. After years of being an Auror, I don't see how this stood out from plenty of other things that Harry and Ron probably did.
Other than that very minor issue, this section was quite strong. I thought you did an excellent job introducing some new information that you'll be able to build on later, and the scene - despite being quite long - held my attention throughout quite easily. You really varied the descriptions and summarised in all the right parts; this could have easily ended up dragging, and it didn't. Excellent job.
On the whole, this was another good chapter. I definitely think that the first section is the weakest and could use a bit of work, but on the whole, this is quite solid, and I greatly enjoyed it.
Loved this!
First section (Harry)
I found your decision to go back to Little Hangleton and use the old Gaunt family home as their base very interesting. It was a nice touch - there was a little bit of symbolism there that I liked.
On the whole, I thought that this section was well done. I liked a lot of the little details you included - Harry's wondering what the muggle would have thought of Tom Riddle's resurrection, how overgrown the old Gaunt property was, Harry's owning the house because he defeated Voldemort in a duel - and I really thought that they helped make the scene and the characters come to life.
I also thought that your portrayal of the characters was generally quite good.
I thought that Harry's response throughout the entire thing was perfect. You clearly put a lot of thought and effort into it, and for me, at least, this was one of your strongest Harry sections in the story thus far. He's generally good, but you included a lot of details here that just really took the section to a different level. Things like his still not wanting people to know about the horcruxes, or his feeling defensive when Hermione questions his instincts, really just made him feel absolutely genuine.
I also thought that you did a great job with Esme. I still feel like her resentment toward Harry is a bit extreme considering how long ago all of this happened (unless, of course, there was something more recent that you just haven't told us yet), but that aside, you've really crafted an interesting and compelling OC. I get the feeling that she'll be vital to moving the plot along, but it doesn't feel like she's just a plot device. Little comments like, "Just because one is paranoid does not mean that nobody is out to get them," just fit perfectly with what we've seen of her so far and what we know her profession is.
Initially, I wasn't sure whether I liked how quickly Ron seemed to let the previous relationship between Harry and Esme go, but as I moved through the section, I ended up feeling like with everything that happened, tabling it did make a lot of sense. I'll be disappointed if it never comes up later, but right now, I think it's a good choice on your part. I also liked Hermione's little joke early on. I honestly don't have so much to comment about Ron and Hermione - I thought that you did a good job with them, but it felt like you were trying to keep them consistent here, not develop their characters, which for me worked very well.
There were only two things about that the characterisation in this section that stuck out to me as seeming a little odd and out of place - the second more than the first, but I'll mention them both.
My first issue was the conversation between Harry and Hermione immediately after she asked how long he'd been planning this. As I mentioned above, there were some parts of this exchange that I really liked. However, how the conversation got there wasn't - in particular, the way that they got onto whether he was thinking rationally given all his stress seemed a little artificial. They were just attacked, and there's clearly something fishy going on. This sort of conversation would have made sense in chapter 2 or 3, not now.
The second thing that stuck out to me was the fact that Ron and Hermione didn't know anything about all of this.
It seemed odd to me was that they didn't know about the Gaunt House. You kind of addressed that when you mentioned Ron being a bit put out, but not really - you just gave a decent reason for Bill being the one to help him with that particular part of the project, not a decent reason to have never told them at all. That was an even bigger problem with the fact that he put so much effort into preparing for the house in a more immediate sense over the last four years and they knew absolutely nothing about.
Harry's explaining it all to Ron and Hermione did give the readers an explanation as well, and that probably wouldn't have felt as natural if he was just explaining it to Esme. That makes sense. However, while Harry was always a little independently minded, the idea that he would cut Ron and Hermione out to such an extent didn't make sense to me. Sure, maybe he was making an effort to protect them, but I have a very hard time seeing how not telling them would protect them.
To be clear, I think that there are explanations that would make sense. Maybe he wanted to be doing something to distract himself from everything else. Maybe he didn't want to deal with Hermione questioning him. Etc. There are a lot of possible reasons, but you didn't really provide anything to back any of them up. Incidentally, I also think that you'll probably find an easier explanation for his actions in the last four years than his actions in making the house suitable for a headquarters years before.
I also have a few other criticisms, mostly to do with magic.
Hermione says, "So Kingsley was the only other Secret Keeper?" My understanding of the Fidelius Charm is that there can only be one Secret Keeper, and the idea of having more than one just seems like it would be very messy in practice.
I also noticed - and this may have been an oversight or a calculated decision on your part, given the recent revelations about Percy and Tenabra - that they sent Patronuses to all the Weasleys but Percy. Again, this might be calculated on your part, but I'd have liked to see some conversation for it - after all, we are talking about Ron. He'd be the type to make that kind of mistake!
Additionally, I would have liked a little more explanation for some of the magic. One particular example was with the Gaunt home. On the whole, I thought that you did a great job at explaining the enchantments, but something I felt like you didn't do very well at explaining was how a small attic was suitable as a new headquarters. Is there even a bathroom and a toilet? Is there an undetectable extension charm? Given the thought you put into everything else about the transformation of the Gaunt house, I wanted a bit more said about this, especially in light of Hermione's wheelchair.
Those aside, though, this was a great section. I thought that you did an excellent job at laying the groundwork of their new headquarters, and for the most part, I liked the casual use of magic - you mention things like transfiguring objects and conjuring beds with very little fanfare, and for me, at least, that was suited very well to the situation at hand. This is exactly the sort of situation in which magic would be used like that. Great job.
Second section (Lady Tenabra)
This was quite short, so I don't really have much to say about it. I thought that the speech helped to illuminate where the story is going and what the Minister's priorities are, and that you portrayed Tenabra well.
Third section (Percy)
This was also short, but despite that, I think that you covered a lot of important ground in a very short amount of time. You raised a lot more questions about what Tenabra's end goal is that I'd kind of pushed to the back of my mind before she started encouraging Percy to try and take the Minister's job.
You did a good job overall at really exploring how Percy feels about everything, but there were a few points, especially when he was talking to Arabela, that I wanted a little more description about what he was feeling. Specifically, when he starts talking about the initiatives sitting poorly with him, wondering whether she's curious or the Minister is curious, when she suggest to him that he replace the Minister, and when he asks her if she's free for lunch the next day, I wanted a little more emotion from him.
These are really important things that they're discussing, and I feel like you didn't delve as deeply into his character as you have in the past, which really would have enhanced the scene and helped give readers a sense of how strong her hold over him is.
It's a good section, and you talk about some important things in it, but I feel like it could be stronger.
Fourth section (Harry)
I honestly wasn't quite sure about this section. There were parts that I thought were important and really fit well with the events of the last few chapters - Harry envying everyone else for sleeping soundly worked well within the context of his situation, and Molly's Patronus was a really sweet touch.
However, as I mentioned above, Hermione's doubting that Ginny's death was connected to everything that's happening now seemed a little out of place. They have very strong evidence that it is connected - their being framed for her death, the involvement of Tenabra, Percy's mangled memory, etc.
The way her doubt is presented felt like it came out of the blue. The connection has been established for a long time, and this just left me feeling a little confused about why you're suddenly drawing attention to it now. It would have made sense in earlier chapters, but now now that they're on the run, you know?
Just a thought.
Fifth section (Albus)
Other than that, this was a fun section. Their interaction was entertaining, and Susan's warning was a nice way of telling readers what was happening at the Aurors office with Harry and Ron's disappearance.
I did have trouble seeing Albus, Hugo, and Teddy as being grown men in their 40s and 50s, though - they came across more as kids in their teens or twenties. That was my only issue with the section, though - other than that, it did a good job of establishing what's going on at the Ministry.
All in all, this was another great chapter. How short the other sections were in compared to the first felt a little awkward to me, but I'm not sure how you could have done it any differently.
I'm really interested to see what happens next!
*transferred from HPFF*
Hey, this is Beeezie, finally here with your review. :) (Sorry it's been way too long - life has been stressful and busy, and I need to stop it with the graphic making already. Though on the bright side, I'm getting decent ish.)
Anyway.
First section (Harry)
I really enjoyed your bringing those quotes from the movie into the story. It was a nice little touch, and added a bit of levity to the scene. My only comment is that I would have liked to see a little more detail about how they were saying it, especially from Neville - as it is, I have no idea how the lines were delivered. I assumed that Neville was a bit sarcastic, but I wanted to see you spell it out more. Does that make sense?
I thought that you thought out Bill's reaction to the monitoring spells really well. The kneejerk reaction is always going to be, get rid of them, and I was glad to see you introduce the ambiguity and caution that they have to use. In particular, I liked the detail about how it might be mistaken for the castle's magical protections - that was a terrific touch.
I did feel like the question of Professor Astor was dropped a bit too quickly, however; Harry in particular has got to be feeling so paranoid and suspicious of everyone right now, and I'm not sure that he'd accept it that easily. Perhaps he wouldn't challenge Neville, but I'd expect him to worry about it a bit more rather than just accept it - especially since being a half-blood doesn't necessarily mean that you're not a dark wizard. Look at Voldemort.
I also felt like the scene with Esme started out feeling a little… I don't want to say disingenuous, because that's not quite right, but it just didn't feel like they were the adults that they actually are. I mean, god, after fifty years, you'd expect them both to move on, you know? I thought that Esme herself was actually fine, on the whole, because I could understand why she felt irritated and resentful of his bringing her there. Harry, on the other hand… ugh, I'm having a hard time putting my finger on it. There's just something in the lead-up and the initial exchange that felt a bit off to me.
That said, it really was just the beginning - once Esme starts in on Ron, and especially once she learns that Ginny has died, the scene really fell into place and began to feel much more natural (including Harry's jinxing Ron - that was perfect). The memory in particular was done very, very well - you didn't walk us through the entire thing again, but you managed to convey in a very small amount of space just how much more she knows than they do, and it felt completely plausible (which I was also a tiny bit worried about).
My other major comment about this section - and I touched on it before, I think - was that I wanted to see a little more about what Harry was thinking and how he was feeling, particularly about Esme and Ginny. Toward the end, when he and Esme start really talking, I saw more of that, but before that, it felt a little lacking. It didn't even feel like Harry was just blocking the feelings out, which would have worked well. They just felt absent. Does that make sense?
However, on the whole, this section was great, and I'm really excited to see what you do with Esme and what she knows about this entire thing! (You're going to motivate me to get all my review requests done a lot quicker so I can get to the next chapter, haha.)
Second section (Scorpius)
So when I write reviews, I jot down notes to myself as I read and then later compile them into something more coherent than a jumbled mess of words. However, when I looked at my notes for this section, I had literally written nothing down.
That sounds like it could be a bad thing - like, "oh, so boring, I couldn't find anything to say" - but I don't mean it that way at all. This was just a really terrific section. It was relevant to the story as a whole, you spent an appropriate amount of time on it, and your characterisation was spot on. Octavia really intrigues me, and I wonder how you're going to continue to develop her as a character. I know that she's just a kid, but part of me feels like you've been alluding to her being a bit more important than the other next-next gen kids. Maybe I'm just imagining it, though.
Really excellent job here, and I'm sorry that my comments on the section are so underwhelming.
Third section (Hermione)
Short, sweet, and to the point. This was perfect. Again, literally no issues with it.
Hermione's character here feels spot on - proactive, productive, and thorough. One of my favourite things about the chapter as a whole was where she found the answer - you did an amazing job of depicting the potential fallout from a dark wizard's reign in finding information about them, and poems and stories are exactly where it's likely to sneak through.
Fourth section (Ron)
My feeling about this section are a little more nuanced than the unadulterated love I felt for the Scorpius and Hermione sections. There were parts that I really liked, and parts that were a bit more iffy.
Ron and Hermione's exchange before they went to Harry's for dinner was quite sweet, and I really feel like through just a couple of sentences, you gave me a glimpse of their relationship, which is important. The way the story is set up, it's really picked up the pace over the course of the last five or six chapters, and there just hasn't been a lot of time for breaks to see Ron and Hermione's relationship. By including tiny little conversations like this, and details like Hermione always knowing when Ron was hurting… it really keeps the intimacy peripheral but still present, which is terrific.
I also thought that Harry's way of coping with Esme's coming for dinner by asking Ron and Hermione to come as well was perfect. I don't know if you're familiar with the theory of attachment style, but Harry is pretty clearly an example of dismissive-avoidance, and that is exactly how a dismissive-avoidant person wold probably react to the situation. It was perfect.
I also thought that Ron's thoughts about Esme before she showed up were good, because that's definitely within the realms of how I see Ron reacting to a situation like that. His paranoia especially about why Esme was being nice to Hermione was a great touch.
Harry and Esme's argument (I guess you could call it that, anyway) about what happened in the cave was initially good - I would have liked a little bit more to contextualize it as having taken place decades ago, but on the whole, the bitterness worked well, as did Ron's reaction. (My favourite line was, but he had to do something and the casual disregard he had shown for the chair seemed like a good first step, but there were a lot of them).
However, once Ron started shouting at Harry, the scene got a bit too rushed and jumbled for me. There was so much going on in just a few paragraphs, and I had a bit of a hard time following it, especially with the Ministry officials barging in immediately afterward.
Fifth section (Harry)
This section was much stronger than the previous one; I felt like you did a great job showing how they would all react to the encounter. Hermione's desire to have some basic trust in the system, Harry's short temper, Ron's just doing what Harry says based on instinct - that all worked perfectly.
My one issue was with Esme. Not with her deciding to come - it was more about her claiming that she had diplomatic immunity. My impression was that Harry asked her to come help him as a personal favour, not one that her government was getting involved with, especially since Harry's investigation did not have formal ministry approval. And, even if she was sent their by her government, her diplomatic immunity would almost certainly be significantly narrower than "you can do whatever you want, including aiding people on the run from the law." Maybe a diplomat could theoretically get away with that (theoretically - most countries will sack you straightaway and hand you over if you do anything that extreme), but Esme isn't a diplomat - she's just one of many staff.
I know that it's minor, but you know me - I sweat the small stuff!
Sixth section (Hermys)
This was cute, but I'm not really sure it was necessary. I think that ending it on them disapparating away might have been stronger - though then again, if you'd done that I might have wondered what happened to Hermys. I guess my issue was that the end of Harry's section and the end of Hermys's section were just a bit too similar for me.
On the whole, this was a great chapter. I'm really intrigued to find out what happens next!
*transferred from HPFF*
Loved this one!
Hermione's section
Your writing was as strong as ever. The dialogue was compelling, and I felt like what description you had punctuated it well without weighing it down and making the scene drag.
However, I did feel like you scratched the surface with this conversation rather than digging as deep as you could have.
Does that not make sense? Let me back up.
Throughout most of this story, I have felt like you have done a great job at showing how complex wizarding society is, especially in regards to blood status. I sometimes disagreed with you about individual issues, but the broad brushstrokes showed that there weren't really simple answers to complicated questions (or at least that was how I felt).
The last couple chapters, however, I've felt like you're not digging as deep as you could. Here, for example, when Hermione questions why people care about the pureblood so much given what a small percentage of the population they are at this point, Lucy says that they care because the pureblood are loud and well-connected. Okay, great, that question has probably occurred to most readers, but acknowledging that it exists isn't enough. As a big fan of this story, I wanted you to go deeper.
What do I mean by that? Well, for one thing, why do the purebloods speak up when the muggleborns and halfblooded don't? I can't think of many instances in any culture that I'm familiar with where groups who have been discriminated against in the past are complacent about their rights and just trust the establishment. Victims don't forget. Even when everyone else moves on, they don't. That's even typically true for non-hereditary characteristics.
That's not to say that everyone within a certain group feels a certain way about something, but within the group as a whole, even when people aren't agitating, there's generally not a climate of trust. It's almost never about, "Oh, well, we could speak loudly about this problem, but we're not."
Do I buy that muggleborns might be less loud than purebloods? Sure. I can think of plenty of reasons, with money and organization topping the list. However, by breaking it down into "halfblooded and muggleborns trust the Minister," I think that you're heavily simplifying a very important and complex part of human nature and the human condition, and I'd have really liked to see you at least allude to something deeper (or even just have Lucy say, "I don't know"), rather than taking the simple way out.
I also - and god, I hope it doesn't seem like I'm just being a hypercritical obnoxious person - think that Lucy herself in this chapter seemed a little one dimensional. I mean, even if she's a pureblood, which is possible, she has a lot of family who aren't, and I'd have thought that she would be more sympathetic and understanding.
Okay. I'm done with that line of thought, but please sit on it for a little while, at least, because coming up with an answer, because I think it does deserve some reflection, you know? (2017 note: I know that we'd talked about this further and I loved your responses to both me and Beth - I'm being a terrible person and not editing reviews significantly because I want to get them moved over.)
Harry's section
This section, on the other hand, was very well done and I have absolutely no criticism about it. (Yes, I know, you're probably thinking, "Oh, thank god, I was getting ready to jettison this annoying reviewer out in to space. Why do I bother to request for her?!")
I thought that you did a great job of depicting Harry's difficulties with being a patient, even now that he's out of St. Mungo's, and I like the fact that you really are portraying a recovery time for his injuries. He's old, and he was seriously injured, and he needs rest - even if he doesn't want to need it.
His conversation with Neville and Dumbledore was also terrific. I feel like you followed up very well on some remaining loose threads from previous chapters and showed more of who Neville is as a headmaster and a person these days. As I'm thinking about it (and I may have said this in the past; I'm not sure), I think that Neville is one of the characters that you've aged up the best. He's still so clearly Neville, but he's also very clearly grown up.
The climate of fear that you're inserting into your depiction of Hogwarts is a great part of the story - it seems incredible that Harry was bringing kids to see dementors because they didn't understand the war just chapters ago and now there are concerns about students being monitored and the head of the Auror department is being attacked right outside school grounds. You're slowly but surely building a picture of a Hogwarts that is no longer safe, and it's a terrific way of really getting across the seriousness of the situation.
I also loved the point that Dumbledore (who you are also portraying very well, by the way) made toward the end about reforming the Order of the Phoenix: that proactivity is good, but they need to be careful about provocation. He's right; it's an important but difficult line to walk, and I was really glad that you included that touch.
Percy's section
This was also an amazing section. Again, there's honestly nothing in it for me to criticize! In fact, I think that this was one of my favorite sections in the entire story thus far.
The very beginning gave me a great sense of what Percy's relationship with Arabela is like and how she's portraying herself to him. I know that this isn't the first time she's come up, but last time I wasn't thinking too hard about her because she was just a friend of Percy's who struck me as a bit strange. All that I've learned since then really had me reading every word closely, and you made them count. Even little phrases like, "It was so true," get across how much she can affect his state of mind. You typically show rather than tell, but I think that this section really just mastered the art.
Because if the part where Percy was thinking about his lunch with Arabela was interesting and illuminating (which it was), the part where he goes from preoccupied to panicked because of the strange third question that seemed to have out of nowhere was nothing short of genius. You portrayed his deteriorating emotional state and how hard he's trying to keep things together so well, and the little pieces of true lucidity that broke through really made me curious to know what is being planned now and what Percy could possibly have told her.
Excellent job.
Cepheus Black
Wow. Sleaze. Just pure sleaze.
Which is clearly exactly what you intended.
This section was good, but of all of them, this was the only one that felt a little misplaced. I wasn't sure how it related to the others at all. Even when sections don't directly connect to each other - Harry's section, for example, didn't exactly form a linear line to Percy's, but I could follow the line and see how they were related. I don't see that here, and I would have like to just have something grounding it.
Tenabra
I don't actually have so much to say about this section. I thought it was good, and moved the plot along, but it just didn't pop like the other ones. It seemed almost like an afterthought. Maybe that was intentional, I'm not sure.
Again, it's a fine section; I just feel like it paled a little compared to the others. I guess that's bound to happen, sometimes!
In general, this was a good chapter. I mentioned my issues with Hermione's section, but outside of that, I thought that you did a terrific job. :)
*transferred from HPFF*
Can I just say, wow. You are really moving the plot along at this point, and I'm absolutely loving the intrigue you're introducing!
Section 1: Lady Tenabra & Gamp
I loved this section, and honestly have no complaints about it, only praise. You answered several questions I didn't even know I had in this section and raised about a million more. The idea that she was controlling Gamp and the difficulty she's experiencing (and why) is absolutely genius. I also loved the addition of the runes and her trouble translating them, and am getting more and more intrigued about what her motivation is.
Amazing job on this one.
Section 2: Harry
You showed how much Harry hated being in St. Mungo's without simply telling us that he did - I particularly liked the sling made out of bedsheets. I also liked the way you described their plan to get Harry home safely. I thought that it flowed nicely and fit in beautifully with the narrative rather than being tedious, and it also showed real forethought and planning on Ron's part (and by extension, yours :P). The little details like catching Harry in the floo network were excellent.
I only had one minor problem with it all, which was this: while I do like the way you've included some of Harry and Ron's old yearmates in the Auror department and while their presence works well in most areas, I had to question it here. It seemed a little like you were using Justin, Susan, and Terry for the sake of having canon characters to use, and at this point I would have liked to see more OCs in the Auror department who Harry trusts and relies upon.
I don't have an issue with the inclusion of any of the three in particular (though I think Terry is the most realistic). However, I did have an issue with the fact that both Aurors assigned to guard Harry happened to be in his year at school. The chances of that aren't especially high, and more importantly, they're all fairly old. Yes, they can still fight, but seriously, Auror office, you think that the best people to defend a 70-year old are three other 70-year olds? You don't want to throw in someone who's younger and who might observe different things? It just didn't make sense to me. I did like the way you dealt with Terry getting attacked, and the way they updated Harry - I just would have preferred to see an OC in there.
I also found it odd that you said that Ron pulled into the <i>driveway.</i> I never pictured Grimmauld Place as having a driveway - there was no reason for it to be built with one, given that it pretty clearly predates widespread use of automobiles, and I don't see how one could have been added in later. It was described as a row house, and in general, row houses don't have driveways, nor do houses in cities. There are obviously exceptions to the latter rule, but I don't think that I have ever seen row houses with driveways. It's just not done, because row houses are a mostly city-thing designed to save space. Adding in a driveway defeats that purpose.
(Sorry. I'm a lifelong city girl, and have never lived in anything but row houses/flat buildings, so that bugged.)
I did like Hermys, and the way you portrayed the elf magic. On the whole, I really did like this section, there was just that little bit that bothered me.
Section 3: Percy
I like the fact that you're starting to allude to what exactly is going on with Percy, and how you've begun to set the groundwork that Arabela is not what she appears. Now I'm even more curious about Tenabra. Argh need to know. (Which means nice job. :P) I don't have much more to say about this section, because it is fairly short, but I also think that it's incredibly important.
Section 4: Harry
This was probably my favorite section of the chapter. The way you wove in the idea that your appearance in a memory is your idea of yourself was really interesting, and the way Harry handled the revelation in a distinctly untactful manner worked really well. The revelation was also really important, and raised about a million questions for me. (Namely, what really happened? Which I'd been wondering, but I thought that we were about to find out! Then your spring this on us. It's cruel. And awesome.) You did a really great job with the entire memory, and I was very excited to see it because I love Pensieves.
I did, however, have an issue with the way Harry talked about being hesitant to ask the French Auror for help because it's awkward. I usually feel like you've done a good job at portraying the amount of time that has passed, but occasionally you fall a little short to me. This was one of those times. It's been, what? 45 years? since Harry worked with this Auror on the case. Presumably, she got over it a long time ago, whatever she was hoping. I don't think I know anyone who holds a grudge for that long.
It's also a little out-of-the-blue to look someone up after 40 years and say, "Hey, I need your help." If you'd mentioned more recent correspondence/communication - maybe after Ginny's death, or shortly before - his feeling that it's awkward would make much more sense, but as is, it feels like it doesn't fit with your established timeline.
I'm glad that you explained Hermione's aversion to the wheelchair. I still have a hard time believing that an isolated incident that occurred 60+ years ago would still have such a profound effect on her recovery process, but that's just me.
On the whole, another good chapter! I'm really interested to see where this goes! :)
*transferred from HPFF*
Okay, so you just made me really happy before I'd even really started reading the chapter for the second chapter in a row! You mentioned the EPL in your A/N, which made me really happy.
I'm glad that you included the first section about Lady Tenabra, and in general, I liked your portrayal of her. I felt like you provided enough information and narrative to hint at some of her sentiments and motivations, which was starting to become necessary at this point, without giving away too much - or making your avoidance of some of the questions that have been raised by her appearance seem awkward. My only issue with that section was with the auror - I thought that it was odd that just one auror would show up alone, considering the situation, and the fact that everyone rushed to disapparate was also a bit odd considering that the auror clearly knew who they were and they hadn't actually broken any laws.
I think the Hermione sections are really starting to become my favorites. Despite my initial misgivings about how you were handling her paralysis, I'm really liking the job you're doing with it now, and she and Harry seem the most naturally written and believable of all your characters. That's not to say that the others are awkward or unbelievable, because by and large they really aren't, but I do think that those two are standouts. My only major issue with this section was that I thought that you went a little overboard with a few of the details, which I've noticed is occasionally a problem of yours. I don't mind background information, but sometimes it feels like you want to work too much in and it ends up feeling a bit too exaggerated.
Hassie's age is a perfect example of that: it's a minor detail in the chapter as a whole, but you've exaggerated it too much. Hermione is, what, 70? For Hassie to have been arguing in front of the Wizengamot before Hermione was even born, she'd have to be quite old now - that's usually a job that gets assigned to senior officials, so she was probably at least 40 when she started doing that, and probably a bit older than that. That puts her at 110 or 120, and with such an enormous age difference and difference in rank, I found it hard to believe that she and Hermione had become as close as you depicted.
Another good example is the way Hermione was thinking about the discriminatory laws. I had a hard time believing that 50 years later, there were still so many discriminatory laws on the books at all. It hasn't bothered me much in previous sections, but the way you emphasized it here made it feel a bit over the top. I know that the basic plotline is necessary, and I don't really have a problem with it, but I wanted a better justification in this chapter. What kinds of laws would it still make sense to have on the books after all this time? Was it that some pureblood legislation was getting pushed through?
I can see a few places you can go with that - house elves rights, distribution of the wealth/taxes, some restrictions placed either by the government or private businesses about who can work for them based on blood status that Hermione has been trying to strike down… again, there are things that I think you can very reasonably do. I just think that you needed more justification here. You hinted at that with the mention of the werewolf, but I wanted more than that.
Your section between Harry and Tennant was very well done - I could get a sense of who Tennant was as a person and why exactly Harry didn't like him. It was subtle, but it was definitely there, which was really excellent. I wasn't sure about your characterization of the Fat Lady later in the chapter, however - it seemed a little overdone. The mannerisms didn't seem really typical of those of the Fat Lady we saw - the speech was a bit too formal and deferring, and the blushing didn't really seem consistent. Sure, Harry saved the world from Voldemort, but Dumbledore saved the world from Grindelwald, and I don't recall the portraits fawning over him.
I was also bothered by Harry's "blocking" the killing curse - isn't the point of Avada Kedavra that you can't block it? I didn't really believe that they had managed to find a way now. That's kind of a Syler/Peter overpowered issue (and oh, my god, I just made a heroes reference. I feel embarrassed for myself). If Avada Kedavra can be blocked, even if only by skilled wizards, that's a huge detraction from one of the basic fears involved with the spell.
I don't want to sound hypercritical - your writing was as good as ever, and you really excel at writing action scenes (something that I always have a problem with). Your characterization of Harry's students was also really excellent all around - you don't put too much focus on them, but you do give them enough personality that I appreciate them and can distinguish between them. I also thought that your characterization of him in St. Mungo's was excellent.
Other than the little mixup with the name, your portrayal of football was great. That's absolutely how we do it with our teams - if you even just look at my profile status feed on the forums, you'll see the evidence of that. Fully two-thirds of them are probably about Arsenal, Valencia, and/or Barcelona. It's insane. And the bitter hatred we feel toward our rivals… if you want to go all out, you can add the man saying something about losing to Arsenal hurting especially or something. And ouch, writing Tottenham as in danger of relegation… harsh. :P
Sorry. I'm done now.
*transferred from HPFF*
First off - and this is minor and ridiculous - you used the phrase, "lose the plot." That officially makes you one of my favorite people this week. I absolutely love that phrase, and no one ever uses it.
Anyway.
Again, I found very few mechanical errors. At the end of the section with Rose and Scorpius, you used the word "skive" in a way that I found a little odd, and there were a few points where I thought a comma or two would have been good (for example, in the first paragraph, I thought, "unlike his father he had no great desire" should have had a comma after father), but that's obviously really minor and not something that really impacts the story.
I thought that the way you portrayed Ron in the station was great. For many other characters, I would not have believed that they wouldn't have picked up anything after forty years, but for Ron, it makes perfect sense. He's exactly the kind of dense person who would manage to not figure it out - after all, Hermione was still reminding him about things from Hogwarts, A History after seven years. I also loved the bit about Rose's computer - it was a nice touch. (I'm assuming they found a workaround for electronics being disrupted by magic.) However, while I thought you portrayed his actions well, I wanted you to delve a little deeper into his emotions. You say that his nerves were rising, and that he was trying to keep his voice from shaking, but you didn't really expand on his frame of mind.
I also thought the Vanessa's annoyance worked well, but I almost would have liked you to exaggerate it even more - for someone in the mid twenty-first century to not know how to use a computer would be really surprising to me. I mean, at this point I'm surprised when anyone under the age of 50 isn't reasonably proficient, and this is supposed to be in the mid twenty-first century.
I loved the section where Hermione, Susan, Terry, and Ernie are going through the books looking for spells. I actually think that it was one of the best scenes in the story to date - you were really inventive with the research and added just enough without overdoing it, and from her thoughts about eating popcorn to her feelings about house elves and her own helplessness, I really felt like I was getting inside her head. The way they ultimately end up solving the problem was terrific, as was the input from Dumbledore's portrait.
You hadn't really shown us much of Scorpius and Rose together before now, and I definitely liked the dynamic and what it showed us about Scorpius's feeling toward Rose's family. I don't have much to say other than that, but it was a good section.
I felt like Gamp's was by far the weakest of the sections. That's not to say that it was bad, because it wasn't, but there were points that just didn't really make sense to me. For example, Gamp says that he likes Muggle spirits - why? What makes them different from - and, for that matter, better than - wizard spirits? I also felt like the scene was a little more drawn out in general than it needed to be - that usually doesn't bother me, but here, it kind of did. Showing us Gamp's sadism was important, but I felt like you could have condensed it. It was about as long as most of the other sections, and it didn't tell us anywhere near as much about the plot or the characters.
You definitely ended the chapter on a high note - I was afraid that Gamp's section would be the last, but you added a lot of intrigue with Harry and Ron's conversation with Jarvis, and I'm really curious to see how that turns out. Again, as with the Rose/Scorpius section, I don't have much to say other than that it was strong, but it was definitely good.
Another solid chapter! One of your best yet. :)
*transferred from HPFF*
As always, your mechanics are pretty much perfect. I just saw three little things. In the paragraph starting, "Keep copies of them just in case," you have a space between "reconsidered" and the period. Both Harry's section with Kriffin and Percy's section in the toilet ended with "turned and disappeared," and given that Percy's section In the paragraph starting, "Luna regarded them form the doorway," you use the word "expedition" twice in the last two sentences. I think it would have flowed better if you'd replaced one of them with another word (maybe "trip" or something).
That aside:
I thought your depiction of the muggle morgue was really interesting. The way you addressed what happened when muggles found wizard bodies and how dark magic affects the decay of a body showed really great attention to detail. The logic was sound, and from the obliviators to the muggle coroner in the background, your execution was great.
I also felt like you depicted Percy and his feelings in a very realistic way. My only issue was actually that the way he and Audrey were talking, it sounded like Molly and Lucy were still children. I know they're not, but the talk about "the kids" seemed a little odd considering that they're grown and out of the house.
Luna was perfect, as was your using her to really make it clear to both readers and the trio that there's something about the new blood order that doesn't make any sense. You captured her character perfectly.
I'm interested to see where you go next. Can't wait for the next chapter! :)
Transferred from HPFF
Hufflepuff CtF Review
So I really meant what I said about looking for a shorter chapter to review by you, but my jailbreaking role said otherwise =P
I’m really curious to see where this chapter will fit in with the timeline of the first two chapters. There is no reference to Harry having recently died, so I’m going to assume it is after the second chapter, and that first chapter is set after the rest of the story? The mystery remains.
I was confused for a minute by the name Hermys cause I think Percy’s owl was Hermes, and I almost missed altogether that you sund house elf. It seems odd to me that Harry would own an elf.
omg, Hermione being hungry for toes is adorable.
Hehe I like how confidently Ron said “manipulation” instead of “operation and the familiar smoothness with which Hermione corrected him. I also find it interesting that even though Harry and Hermione grew up muggle, they have developed a mistrust of muggle medicine.
Haha, I love this line: “Arthur’s love of muggle gadgets was matched only by his propensity for accidentally destroying them with magic.” It is so Arthur and so funny!
Okay, a house elf making cute faces at a baby is the cutest thing I’ve read tonight. You win. Can I have a one shot that is just Hermys babysitting?
Huh. I never pictured Kreacher as a family man.
Omg I am a huge Percy fan and divorced moody muggle poetry listening Percy is my new fave. Omg, yes to “Percy’s been working at a midlife crisis since he was what, seventeen?”
Wait, what trial? Did Ginny not die a natural death? At least by this point we get confirmation that this des in fact take place after the second chapter.
“Not only were they expected to do utterly ridiculous things for money, most of their entertainment came from watching other muggles do the same.” Welp, you’ve hit life on the head.
“that one where the nice Italian plumber saves the princess from the gorilla?” You are a delight.
Omg I have so much respect for this little girl whose idea of a good time is playing with a manifestation of her worst fears. Yup, that’s Rose and Scorpius’ kid.
Oh no that’s horrible - is that how Ginny died? What an excellent way to reveal it to the reader though.
This was a good chapter - the dialogue between all of the characters felt very grounded and believable and was fun to read. It did a good job of getting some exposition established without being boring. I’m curious to see where the big conspiracy plot will come into play. You’ve laid some of the groundwork, but we haven’t had the big inciting action yet. You bring Percy up at the end again, which makes it seem like he’s going to be significant. I look forward to reading more about him.
Well done! I may or may not be back - the tides of CtF will tell!
Sam.
Transferred from HPFF
Hufflepuff CtF Review
Okay, I’m back and eager to find out just how dead (or not) Harry and Ginny are!
Oh wow, and this opening is not what I expected. Is it a flashback set before they died? Or some iteration of the afterlife?
The opening line reads a bit like an obituary, listing his notable achievements and connections. I think that’s clever.
Haha, the next next generation and people are still naming their kids after Lily. And Arthur! It looks like there will be a ton of new characters and their relationships to keep track of in this story, what with the way those Weasleys multiply.
I like that you let Harry be a teacher. He’s always made more sense to me as a teacher than spending all his years as a ministry worker.
Headmaster Longbottom being fabulous and still being afraid of Snape’s portrait hurts my little heart.
I like the play on words of calling Malfoy a “death-eating git”
Um Harry’s doing an awful lot of talking. What’s up with Ginny?
Haha, with all of the Weasley and Potter kids, of course they can have a whole quidditch tournament just among themselves!
Ooooh I like the idea of Lily working seriously for Weasley Wizarding Wheezes! I don’t think that’s an idea I’ve seen before and I quite like it.
Ah, so Harry is talking to Ginny’s tombstone here. I kind of thought he might be. I love the inscription “Fly fast, chaser girl.”
This is an interesting chapter. It has kind of the feel of a prologue as it takes its time in giving backstory on various characters, but it’s a little funny because the first chapter also felt like a prologue. Since we jumped back in time with this chapter, I’m left wondering when the next chapter will be set. Will it follow up this chapter, or jump forward to after the first when Harry is in Kings Cross.
I am interested to know what happens next, though since the next chapter looks kind of long, for the sake of CtF speediness I might read something else by you next time around.
Sam.
Transferred from HPFF
Hufflepuff CtF Review
Wow, I don’t get out enough, do I? Doing these review events always gets me finding stories that I feel like I should know about but don’t. While this story is a bit old, I feel like I should have been aware of it as a dobby and golden paw winner. Derp derp. Anyway, I’m here now, and hopefully I can read the first couple chapters over the next couple rounds of CtF
It looks really interesting to me that you say in the summary that Harry will lead four generations. So would that mean Arthur/Molly, the trio, the next gen kids, and their kids? That’s quite an army, whether or not there’s fighting involved!
Your opening is very engaging - it jumps right into something interesting happening, and it’s something that neither Harry nor the reader completely understands at first.
I actually caught on before you specified that he was at the Kings Cross Station of the Kings Cross Again chapter in Deathly Hallows. I figured that out between the white missed and the tone of how straightforwardly he accepted the unusual circumstances without panic.
Haha, I love the humor of “Great,” he mumbled to himself, “you’re dead again.” It’s very Harry. It almost sounds like he may have “died” another time since Deathly Hallows and it’s just something he rolls his eyes at by this point. But no, you say that his last time here was in DH.
Oh that’s interesting, that he was on the muggle side of the platform. I wonder if that has special significance. Now that I think of it, I’m not sure it was specified in Kings Cross Again. I suppose both sides would look the same all empty like that, but I imagine since this is a place Harry’s mind sentimentally generated, it makes sense that he would want to be on the magical side.
Does Ginny here mean she already died? I imagine Harry was quite death by his death here, if there are two generations beyond him. But I don’t imagine Harry will stay dead for this story, which makes me wonder if Ginny is really dead or will be returning with Harry.
This is an intriguing start, and I’m interested to see what happens next!
Sam.
Hello, Dan! I'm here for a CTF review, but it's also about time I read some of your work!
The title of this story is intriguing, and I wonder what the conspiracy of blood refers to. Is it an expansion or continuation of the blood-related theme that JK Rowling introduced us to? I'm quite curious to find out, and I don't suppose the prologue is going to reveal that many details, but perhaps there will be clues.
The opening paragraph gives me a slightly ominous feeling. The fact that the protagonist is Harry, and he cannot see anything other than misty whiteness, immediately makes me go "uh-oh", because the imagery is strongly reminiscent of Harry's "King's Cross" scene from Deathly Hallows, and I'm wondering what on earth has happened to Harry to put him in that predicament once again? It appears that Harry is wondering the same thing too. It's odd that he cannot recall the details prior to arrival at the ghostly waiting station, but perhaps that's what happens in some instances if he has actually died this time.
I love Harry's deadpan response of "Great, you're dead again." Really made me giggle and I think would be very typical of him to say something along those lines.Wait!! Ginny arrived here before him? Oh crikey. So what happened to her? Is she dead too?
A part of me is quite devastated that you've potentially killed Harry and Ginny so early on in your story. I say potentially, because I don't know for definite what the scene alludes to, but I'm hoping the flag is hidden in here and I get to read more of this story and find out when it's set and what brought them to this moment detailed in this prologue.Very readable and interesting start!
Brax X
I’m really enjoying transferring these reviews. It’s bringing me right back into your story and reminding me of how much fun we had back in the good ol’ days of 2014…
Hi there Dan!
Here for the next chapter.
One characteristic of your writing that really stands out to me is the way you describe in detail how different bits of magic affect a person. I can really feel the rennervate spell working on the men as they are healed from their injuries. Also, from last chapter, the way you described the memory being self-extracted from Percy's mind as a deep-rooted cancer being removed gave me not just a mental image of Percy pulling the image from his mind, but I felt a connection to him - how it was painful and freeing and exhausting all at the same time. I think this is one reason why your stories are so well done. You bring me right into the magical world, and make me feel like I'm right there living the moment with all of these characters. In short - super, fantastic, wonderful, amazing job!
Aha! So Lady Tenabra was imperiousing Gamp, huh? I did think it a bit weird that Gamp would use Crucio on his buddies for bad-mouthing Tenabra. I mean sure, he's crazy and masochistic, but I didn't think that would extend to defending a woman.
So, she is very calculating indeed - she lets her minions think that she's not about to get her hands dirty and has Gamp at her beckon call. This is a great power strategy. She seems more dangerous this way.
Loved your little excerpt from the runes book on controlling a person (or large group of people). Basically cut them off at the source until they have no choice to to join you. And hey, you can make them think its a great idea at the same time.
Hmmm - who is this other wizard that she has a bond with, I wonder. And who are the pawns in the Minister's office...
Okay - I'm gonna take a stab at guessing her identity - because I'm fairly sure that she isn't a completely isolated character here. I have two guesses right now. I wasn't that confident in either one, but once I did a little digging, I am pretty sure I know who she is. Either way, I know you will be amused at my floundering and reasons.
Guess #1: Narcissa Black Malfoy
Reasons: 1. She has blond hair. 2. She conveniently "died" at the beginning of the story. 3. She is a pure blood witch with some of those ideals. 4. She is very powerful in terms of magic.
Non reasons: 1. It doesn't seem her thing - taking over the world and manipulating the dregs of society for the sake of power. She would've been content to live out her days in Malfoy manor. 2. She's dead (supposedly). 3. A lot of Lady Tenabra's actions seem a bit "improper" for Narcissa's taste.
Guess #2: Arabela Dynt
Reasons: 1. Lady Tenabra mentioned trying the bond on a man who's mind she already knew (Percy?). 2. She says she has pawns inside the Minister's office (not the Ministry, but specifically the Minister's office). 3. Apparently I'm not the only one who likes to use anagrams :)
Non reasons: 1. We don't know very much about her. 2. I could pretend that I have more non-reasons, but the evidence I found in #3 of Reasons is pretty convincing ;)
Ooo - nice job with the decoy set up. Harry, Harry, Harry - c'mon man! You are barely able to stand and yet you're ready to take on the world. Let's just bring it down a few notches, here.
I'm curious as to why Harry can feel the protective wards that are up? Is it because he is the one who cast them or does he have a sixth sense for all wards? Interesting.
So, I think Hermys picked up on the fact that Percy's memory had been tampered with. Perhaps elves have a way of knowing when someone uses legilimency or maybe some other form of modification on them. Maybe she did something so that if the memory was removed, erm.. something happened to him. I'm not sure yet, just guessing as I'm writing. I'm still reveling in my discovery of Lady Tenabra's identity and now I'm paying closer attention to the interaction between Percy and everyone else.
I love the fact that Hermione can walk in the pensieve. It means so much and I think will be a big step in her healing to know that she sees herself that way. Mind over matter. And of course she's the one that figures out the memory is at least partially fake. My initial thought was that Lady Tenabra was imperiousing Percy to murder Stoops and that is why her reflection shows up in the sink and not Percy's. Also, that might explain why he felt really weird removing the memory and still feels off afterwards. Either a memory modification occurred on him or he was imperioused. The "hazy quality" reminds me of when Slughorn's memory was tampered with in HBP, but I think I need a few more clues before I can determine that one. Or maybe I'm completely off and just a rambling idiot at this point. Is Arabela a French name?
So I gotta admit, I expected Hermione's revelation recall of what had been her mental block to be a bit more dramatic than just a name calling incident. Granted, it was obviously very traumatic for her.
Either way, I loved this chapter. And this is officially the longest review I've ever left for anyone, as I'm down to less than 600 characters. And even though I'm pretty sure I've figured out a very important detail, I still have lots and lots of questions. I guess I'll just have to keep reading!
♥ Beth
The stars have aligned. For some miraculous and inexplicable reason, I have the house to myself for several hours. SEVERAL. HOURS. So, of course, I need to catch up on my review transfers!!
Hi there Dan!
Here for our review swap. I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this - you know how RL gets some times :(
Wow! This chapter was just jam-packed with loads of information, juicy tidbits and so much drama and action. I'm still reeling.
Lady Tenabra seems more and more dangerous with every chapter. I still can't quite figure what her motive is or who she really is, but I fear her more because of that. For some reason, this line really caught me:
Perhaps lack of vision was a hereditary trait.
I'm not exactly sure why, but it's almost like she's counting on their prejudices and ignorance to mount more of an army. I also think it's brilliant (and completely psycho) that she's slowly eliminating her narrow, inner circle. That will create a group of followers that don't know as much about her, and are willing to follow more out of fear. I am still wondering several things, like why does she need more followers - what does she have planned? Hmmm...
I really like the Hassie character. I think she is helping Hermione along the way to healing. I noticed the strange voice from a few chapters back, but I'm glad that Hermione is questioning it now. It reminds me of how Harry could hear his Mum's screams whenever the dementors came near.
It appears that Lady Tenabra's timing is impeccable. She's got a Minister of Magic who is a weakling at heart and is slowly taking out the strong members of the Ministry so that she can make her move. I can sympathize with Hermione's ire at the suggested reversal of some of the laws that she worked so hard to pass.
Yay! Harry back at Hogwarts. He seems to really feel a connection with the students. I can tell he takes pride in working with each one - and he sees them as individuals - unlike Professor Tennant. And he's still the same old Harry - noble to a fault.
Holy cow! I was taken aback by all of this action! It's a good thing those students were there - and that they are so good at thinking on their feet! I think they saved Harry's tail there. He was clearly out-numbered and out-maneuvered at the gates. I love "bossy" Neville. He only brings it when it's absolutely necessary, but it's awesome. Great fight scene, by the way. It was written really well.
The scene with Harry and Lily at the hospital was heartbreaking - and I hope Harry got her message loud and clear - his family needs him. Maybe it isn't enough for him to feel an obligation to the Wizarding world, but I think that Lily's message might hit home a bit more. Family is everything to Harry.
I think you also got Ron and Percy spot on as well. Ron is reveling in the moment of acting Head Auror, but at the same time, a tiny bit grateful that he doesn't have to do it every day! And Percy is still stubborn and pig headed, but as usual, comes to his senses a bit late and tries to do his best to rectify the situation.
Awesome chapter! The story is really heating up!
♥ Beth
Here’s another review to go with this fabulous story. It must be a holiday or something - ummm Happy February 26??
Hi there Dan!
Here for our review swap and I need to apologize for taking so long!
Aww, poor Ron - he has to resort to Confundo to get the necessary information. I like the concept that magic interferes with technology - I think that is a great idea and it leads to some interesting plot developments. Missing documents again?! Someone is doing a thorough cover up job here - and whatever they're trying to hide must be REALLY important if they are going to toy with both magical and muggle records.
Dark magic is just a manifestation of the darkness of the human soul,
Another important point here. I think J.K. would agree - Some Wizards, like some Muggles abuse any and all power they have. I also have to congratulate you on your creativity for the naming of all of those Dark Magic books. That must've taken a while, but I think putting all those little details into a story pays off in the depth of the characters and plot. Nice job!
Hermione is so awesome. Of course she would come up with a way to get the name of that book. More stuff missing. I'm beginning to suspect the Minister is either behind it - or is being played by whomever is pulling the strings.
Aahh! Some Rose/Scorpius action. You know I love that! I'm really in love with your Scorpius. He know how to play his wife, but is just a tiny bit afraid of her at the same time. And the way you write Rose both fearless and vulnerable just melts me. Awesome job with those two - even a little bit of... uh... passion at the end - nice touch.
Gamp is a sicko and Goyle is weak. If I were Lady Tenabra, I would find both of those characteristics severely limiting to my cause - but I'm not too worried about her. She's obviously gotten pretty far even with her limited resources. I still don't know what her ultimate motive is - but she is really, really evil.
And we end the chapter in another Muggle police station. A little bit more is revealed and I believed you hinted in an earlier chapter that Octavia was in an unfortunate place when Ginny was murdered, but I never thought that she had witnessed it! Merlin, that's awful. She must've been only about two or so. Poor kid. It sounds like the mystery witness fits the description of Lady Tenabra herself. It doesn't surprise me if she is Ginny's murderer. But why? And what does this have to do with the new blood order - or Edwin Stoops? Was he simply at the wrong place at the wrong time or is there something more?
While this chapter answered some questions, it brought up a whole new set! I think that means it was awesome.
Thanks for doing a swap!
♥ Beth
Look at this, I’m on a roll. At this pace, I might just get the entire story reviewed by 2020!
Hiya Dan,
I wasn't intending to do this, but I couldn't help myself when I saw your twitter post. :). And it seems only fitting that you get a review to go with your 100,000th read.
I love the idea that dark magic can interfere with bodily decomposition. It just makes it seem more creepy.
I'm still trying to figure out what is going on with Percy. My gut says that he's guilt-ridden from the murder, but something just doesn't add up...
And Hermione is simply amazing here! I can just see her engrossed for hours, working on the diorama and sorting through the files. Good therapy for her. Is Percy's mini-figure pointing a wand meant to be him simply threatening or does Hermione know the truth?
LUNA! She is so amazing here and I love your description of her. I see that she hasn't changed much and I'm really just GUSHING over the fact that she brings to light the absurdity of Tom Riddle's journal in away that no one else can! The reader is dumbfounded, right along with Harry, Ron and Hermione. Of course it's a ruse.
And this chick is seriously evil. If my guess is correct, there is more to be revealed about her and her connection to the wizarding world. But I really have to commend her genius, here. Let the small minded folk fight amongst themselves and leave her to deal with what little bits they leave behind. Be they Azkaban escapees, The dredges from the shadows of Knockturn Alley, or the pure blood racists. They are all the same in Lady Tenabra's mind.
Great chapter! Can't wait to read more!
♥ Beth
Here you are - another transferred review for you!
Hey there Dan!
Jumping back into this story.
Harry, Harry, Harry. He likes getting his hands dirty. He's definitely not fooling me - he enjoyed every minute of his covert operation. And of course, he wouldn't send anyone else to do it - haha! I'm interested to learn what is in those files. As far as I remember, Ron and Hermione don't know the truth about Stoops' murderer.
It was nice to get a break form Lady Tenabra in this chapter. She's creepy and doesn't seem to have any limits to how far she'll go.
Poor, poor Hermione. I'm wondering if this voice she keeps hearing is something from her past - maybe there's something buried deep that she doesn't remember from her childhood - before she found out she was a witch. Hmmm...
And Scorpius arrives - as promised! I like your version of him. He clearly has the Malfoy cunning nature, but doesn't buy in to the same tenets that got his parents and grandparents into trouble. And he seems to know how to manipulate people - at least enough to keep the peace for now.
So I'm starting to think that the New Blood Order has infiltrated the Ministry a bit more than anyone has realized. They've taken advantage of Hermione's absence to covertly begin pushing their own agenda. Part of me thinks the minister is in on it and part of me thinks that is just too obvious. He reminds me a lot of Fudge, actually - much more interested in how things look than what is really getting done.
I'm glad that Ron invited Hermione to take a look at those files - her sharp eyes and clever brain will definitely scope out any anomalies or details that were overlooked. I can't wait to find out what she sees.
And we have Harry the Hero again. I hope his need to save the world doesn't land everyone in a heap of trouble this time. I don't feel like he really heard Al's message - geez the Weasleys are an army in their own right!
Haha - a Gryffindor through and through! Too bad he had to miss the match!
Great chapter! Catch you next time!
♥ Beth
Chapter 11
Dan!! I figured it was about time I got my butt moving and transferred over some more reviews for you. Hope you enjoy!
Hiya,
I'm so into this story right now and I'm kind of mad because after today, I'm going to be so incredibly busy for the next week and a half that I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get back to it. Grrr.
So I need to start off by saying that I'm a bit confused. But knowing you, there's an explanation down the road and I just need to read until I get to it. However, I'm going to be uncharacteristically impatient and ask my question anyway. What is the deal with the book??! Tenabra threw it into the garbage bin - and now she has it? I went back and re-read to make sure that I didn't miss anything and I can't figure out what is going on. Obviously she has the book. I'm guessing it was in some way enchanted to look like Gilderoy's book, but I don't know how she got it. Hmmm...
Ah - Harry's rough night. I'm glad Rose was with him. And his night isn't getting any better. He's got a dead Auror on his hands and another one who might not make it. Not a good day to be Harry Potter.
There is no honor among thieves and this lot looks like they would sooner hex each other than act as allies. This is good for the Aurors, as the group is not very loyal to each other. This might just be their downfall.
So Kriffin knew a book was missing - I hope this helps the Aurors figure something out. It is a bit off.
So Harry is left again to navigate a minister who is more interested in political gain than in doing the right thing. Ugh. This is gonna get uglier before it gets better.
Oh man, Hermione's panic attack was frightening. That was a good bit of writing - I was gasping for breath and I thought she was having some other major issue. Not that a panic attack is anything to make light of, but it's a bit better than the alternative. Poor Hermione, I can't bear to see her like this. She is so strong, and puts up a good front for her family.
It looks like the New Blood Order wasted no time in getting their message out! Wow! It's only been a few hours.
And what is going on with Percy? I can't even try to figure that man out. He's so stubborn and odd at the same time.
Haha - Hermione on diazepam. Leave it to the magical doctors to mess up the dosage. At least she felt better for a short while.
And the scene with the wands was amazing! I felt so happy for them. You described the feeling of having your matched wand beautifully. It was nice to see that Harry could give them a little bit of comfort after all of their trials.
Oh my. ANOTHER cliffhanger?! The muggle that killed Ginny was a DNA match for the witch at the Ministry. Hmmm... That is so odd - there is definitely more to this mystery as I get deeper into this story!
Awesome job, I didn't see any typos.
♥ Beth
Wow. Up to Chapter Ten already. It's been a l—o—n—g week and getting back to this story is totally helping me to unwind. Onto the review!
Hello!
The chapter summary was right - the Burrow is a nice break from all of the drama and angst going on in Harry's life right now. However, you've managed to thread some important details into the events that transpired during that afternoon.
First off, I don't know if this is significant or not, but I'm not exactly a fan of Fiona. You mentioned in an earlier chapter that Hugo seemed to have the easier life between him and Rose, but it seems that he might have his hands full here. I don't see why she would have a problem with him visiting his mother in the hospital as much as he felt he needed to - especially considering she is not doing that well. Geez, Fiona show a little heart, will ya?
Wow. Arthur is up for fighting WWIII (That's Wizarding War III - but I'm sure you figured that out), huh? That is definitely noble of him. Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
Ah! Sibling rivalry - I've always pictured James and Albus would fight over Quidditch.
That prank was awesome. I was never expecting it. Very clever.
Great job writing all of the Weasleys. I have no idea how you managed to keep a family gathering with that many people straight. But it was just perfect. I could feel the chaos and the love and the deep discussions along with the fun times as well. Just as a family should be ♥
I do have one question - I haven't seen Aidan Malfoy make an appearance yet. I'm sorry if I missed something from an earlier chapter, but I figured that he would've graduated from Hogwarts already - probably one of the older children of the next-next gen? I know it was mentioned that Scorpius was in the States on business, but I would think Aidan's presence would be required at this family event - especially if it was implied that Ron should be there. As far as I remember, Aidan also hasn't visited Hermione. Is there something too that?
I love the Rose/Harry interaction. As you know, I'm a huge fan of the Rose/Harry relationship and you've taken this to another level. They understand each other - not because of shared experiences, but it seems like it is something deeper with those two. She finds a confidant in Harry that she can't with her immediate family and vice versa. She makes some really good points to Harry and I feel like he *might* just be willing to open up and let go of Ginny's memory - if only a small amount.
And holy cow! That was quite the attack on Malfoy Manor! I *knew* Harry should've left some more experienced duelers on the site. Draco barely made it out. At the same time, you've managed to show how much Astoria means to him. He's even willing to be brave for her - how very un-Draco like - haha!
Now I'm thoroughly confused. Was Magical Me the journal or not? Lady Tenabra threw it out!! Was it a fake?! Or just a plot to get Draco out of Malfoy Manor so she could get in there. I have no idea what to expect next!
Great job, fantastic chapter!
♥ Beth
I hope this review transfer-a-thon finds you well. I love reading through all of our past exchanges. I really can’t believe it’s been over two years!!
Hey Dan,
I had a little bit of time, so I came back to review the next chapter :)
This one also did not disappoint. I'm really enjoying watching this mystery unfold. You truly are a master of the little details - and this story is so well fleshed out that I feel like I need to read each chapter a few times, to catch everything.
You've done a great job portraying Harry as a leader of the department. He takes care of all the little details and also delegates where needed. He's comfortable dealing with high-ranking officials on a regular basis.
Ron, Ron, Ron. Stubborn and always a tad clueless and doesn't exactly know what to do with himself with Hermione out of commission. At least he's willing to take a small amount of direction from Harry - I was getting really worried about him.
Wow! They found Ron and Hermione's wands! That is amazing. Although, I'm suspicious. Draco and Astoria already searched the place and they didn't find them.
Haha - I can't even with the horse stuff...
This is another line that caught my attention and I feel like might be a bit foreshadowing:
"Hermys," Harry replied, kneeling so he could speak to him at eye level, "if Hermione or Ron ever need anything, you always have my permission to help."
I feel like there is more coming with Hermys and Ron/Hermione or... something, I can't put my finger on it.
Haha - of course Ron and Hugo can sit next to Hermione's bed and argue for hours and not think it's getting to her... men.
At first I thought it seemed odd that Hermione wasn't getting better (especially after the horrid news that Harry received), but then I remembered that magical injuries always seemed to take a really long time to heal - especially dark magic. I was thinking of the curse that Katie Bell endured during Harry's sixth year. She was out of school for quite a while. Maybe I'm just being a hopeless optimist here, but I think, especially given the fact that they have all the top minds working on this one, that Healer Gelbard might be right and it will just take some time.
I really loved the Harry/Hermione moment. It was heart-warming.
And Dennis Northway is back. Harry obviously left an impression on him and I'm glad to see that.
Lady Tenebra... I'm going to check up on that, but the name doesn't ring a bell. And she's really, really blond... like the Malfoys.
And I just KNEW this was all connected to Ginny's death - there was no way that was a simple accident. I also feel like there's more going on with the whole Percy thing too. I can't wait to find out more!
♥ Beth
Chapter 8
Onward with review transfers!!
Hey Dan!
So Flint seems a bit inept at this point. He seems to be making all the wrong choices - or acting first and thinking about it later. And who is this mystery woman? She seems pretty powerful and my mind is racing through the canon possibilities, but I'm wondering if she is an OC?
As long as they were restoring the rightful order of things, women would have to relearn their place, as well.
I know it wasn't meant to be funny, but I chuckled at this line.
She's really got Flint's number and knows how to push his buttons, huh? Unfortunately for him, I'm pretty sure she is a fair bit cleverer than he is, so I don't think his plans for "eliminating the insufferable harpy" will every see daylight...
Why don't you give me the fifty word version?
Ok. So I actually counted the words and there are indeed 50. I don't know if that makes me the bigger nerd — or you. Maybe Susan is the biggest nerd. Call it a three-way tie?
Ugh. The daily responsibilities of upper management and the balancing act you have to play without giving away too much of your thoughts - even to your most trusted Aurors. I can tell that this is not his favorite part of the job, but he accepts it as part of the deal. I'm actually a bit worried that he didn't leave a good dueler at Malfoy Manor. Especially considering Flint is on his way...
Then we get to see Flint fumbling again - trying to drum up some support. He really comes off as lucky rather than good in most of these scenarios. That can't last forever.
Ron is dedicated - I'll give him that. Although I imagine his presence at work has more to do with feeling like he's getting something accomplished toward catching Hermione's attacker. He's never going to give up until there is justice.
Ugh! Now we're sending trainees to Azkaban? Yikes - I feel like this could go very, very bad. But that's government for you - they usually are reactive rather than proactive and I'm sure it'll come down on Harry if there is a situation at either one of those places.
I don't know which one I'm more worried about - Azkaban or Malfoy Manor - because Flint is also trying to organize a breakout (how DID he manage to get out, anyway?). Hmmm...
And the scene with Hermione! I thought you'd already covered so much in this chapter, but Ugh! You've hit me in the feels right at the end! Haha at Hermione pretending she can't talk to Audrey (I would probably do the same), but it actually speaks to the fact (see what I did there?) that she's feeling a little bit better.
Oh no! She might not be able to walk! You can't do that to my Hermione! Yikes.
Can't wait to find out what happens next - great chapter!
♥ Beth
It’s Friday night and I thought I’d kick off the weekend with a few more transfers. :D
Hiya Dan!
I just had to keep going with this next chapter. I really like how your writing plays out like scenes from a movie, switching back and forth between small snippets of dramatic events. It moves the story along and keeps up the drama, without overloading the reader all at once. :)
And kudos for managing to weave some humor into this chapter as well! Astoria running down Diagon Alley in that slinky number left me giggling. I really love the bond between her and Draco. I imagined a lot of pure blood marriages (even ones that were not arranged) to be loveless, mainly because they were so focused on appearances and propriety, but Draco and Astoria understand, respect and will do anything for each other. ♥
And I can't go on without Gah-ing over the Ron/Hermione scene. He's just so adorably protective of her. She can totally take care of herself, and Ron knows that, but he still can't help himself.
What's this? Ron is the one telling Harry to calm down and get out of everyone's way. Wow. I guess he's matured over the years - haha! Hmm... I'm very curious about this book. Were all the restricted books removed from Hogwarts placed in the magical records office that was attacked? Or did the Ministry put them somewhere else? I'll just have to read to find out.
And this horrible, nasty spell. Ugh! Hermione is seriously lucky. But this makes me really worried about these dark wizards. I don't think they got what they were after and I fear this will just escalate their tactics. Obviously they know some really dark magic - what else is out there?
Marcus Flint clearly got a bit more savvy in his old age. I felt like he was kind of the bumbling side-kick in Detox. How did he escape from Azkaban? They don't have the dementors as guards anymore, but I'm guessing they aren't in the habit of letting people out who haven't finished their sentences... Marcus had help and I have the feeling he isn't running the show, so there's someone worse out there. Yikes!
The last scene with Harry and Draco was interesting. At first I was kind of like "Really?! You guys are in your sixties and you resort back to the childish immaturity and prejudices from your school days?" But I think that Harry is in a really bad place right now, he is still grieving for Ginny and now that Hermione's been attacked and he'd just learned about the dark magic resurfacing... Well, I guess he's not in the best of moods and Malfoy just has a way of pushing his buttons.
I'm really interested to meet Scorpius. He's been mentioned several times and seems like a really great character - especially if Harry respects and cares for him so much.
Can't wait to see where this is going!
♥ Beth
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