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Hi there Dan!
I was sifting through some old stuff (aka procrastinating from writing) and I realized that I haven't transferred all of my reviews over. So, I'm here to rectify that. Here you go!
Hi there, Dan. I’m embarrassed to say that I just realized I haven’t left you a review since January. Ugh! I’m terrible. I also came to the realization that I’ve read this chapter at least five times. Probably more. So, if you’ve noticed a higher read count on this particular chapter, you can chalk that up to me. :)
I’m in love with Hermione in the beginning of this chapter! She completely takes charge of her situation and executes a plan that will get her what she needs - information.
There were familiar notes of Audrey in her voice, Hermione thought, and it made her cringe on the inside. One of those in the family was enough.
Ugh. Audrey. I sorta feel bad for Percy right now, but he’s got his own problems.
And - I actually get some sort of sick pleasure reading about Harry squirming under the nurse’s ministrations and admonitions. Okay, so he doesn’t so much squirm as get a little hot. But it was fun to read all the same. And I guess she got the last laugh with the sleeping potion - haha!
Monitoring charms at Hogwarts! What sorcery is this?! It seems the New Blood Order has indeed permeated deep into the two main institutions of the wizarding world: The Ministry and Hogwarts.
I love your Dumbledore.
“I believe,” Dumbledore began, stroking his beard and staring into space, “that a great many lives could have been spared if wizards in positions of authority had taken such precautions fifty years ago. But we must exercise the utmost care that we do not provoke a war where none need occur.”
This was so perfectly APWBD, it’s not even funny.
Ah, Percy. Of all the Weasleys, he’s the most easily swayed by the prospect of advancement and propriety. It’s no wonder Arabela chose him.
Percy found that his lunches with Arabela were always a sort of pleasant blur in his mind.
This smells like memory-modification. Percy! How can you be so daft?!
As he turned the corner onto Whitehall, he was struck by a peculiar feeling. At first, it was as though he’d forgotten something, something important that he very much needed to remember. He strained to think of what it might be.
Now I’m even more convinced. He told her something he shouldn’t have. Something that is going to hurt everyone he loves. Didn’t he? Dan! What are you doing?!
He did! I know it. She coaxed something out of him and now they’re all in danger…
Ooo! We’ve got a new character: Cepheus Black - aka Xerxes the Seer. You have such an incredible talent for introducing them in clever ways. The reader absorbs all the details, and “feels” the personality and other little details. It’s downright remarkable that you can do this in such a few words. I already know so much about Cepheus. What’s this? Hmm… I’m inclined to think this information is false - more fuel to the fire about that the New Blood Order is trying to stoke. (Also, I’m thinking about the title of this chapter.) It definitely seems far fetched - even for a desperate minister. But in your story, anything is possible… this just smells fishy.
Ahh, back to Lady Tenabra. I’ve noticed she doesn’t like to get her hands dirty. She can’t find anyone with enough skill to kill Harry, but doesn’t seem to be willing to do it herself. Okay - I’m trying to remember what these documents might be. Maybe it’s something new. She’s the mistress of misdirection, that one. Planting false evidence (I have a feeling Hermione will sniff that one out), sending fake memos to radio personalities, and starting up an anti-muggle campaign.
My questions remains: Why?
Awesome job - again. Gotta read on.
♥ Beth
Since I read J.K.Rowling’s stories, I remember her unique magical phenomenon like Horcrux. You created the thing which is very similar to Horcrux in this chapter. The dark magic which needs a high price. Hermione had to pay the price to get back her walking ability in your story. It’s thrilling and very scary to read her emotional conflict. She felt Ron’s care towards her, but she couldn't reach it. She had to reject his affection. It was the hardest thing. I feel her task is harder than anybody’s even Harry’s.
It’s sad to catch Ron’s sadness when she tried ignoring his affection. We feel for him. He must have blamed himself and went hunting down the enemies to get back their daughter and granddaughter for his wife.
In this chapter Susan took a role who remonstrated Hermione. It’s so shocking Hermione used an unforgivable curse against Susan.
Feeling anxiety if they would be able to rescue Rose and Octavia in time, the episode how Scorpius got to know Al in his school days is interesting.
I enjoyed the argument between the old rival, Harry and Malfoy.
Though I got thrilled to read the spot, Dean’s words, “People will follow him(Harry) and his qualifications are beyond question”, I hate Percy and Arabela with members of the Order of the Phoenix. I predict something bad will happen again.
K
Hi, Dan. I came back between the crazy musical events to take a break to travel to the Fantasy World. It’s always cozy to be back to your story.
Finally, Hermione dared to open the dark book. As I guessed, she couldn’t stop trying the spell to get back her walking ability. It’s hard, no, harder than the experience she had in her teenager days. At that time, she got Ron and Harry to go through the horcrux things, but now she has to fight alone.
The words, “The Dark Lord’s journal was taken…” sent me a chill. Lady T found that the dark book was stolen. At the same time, I was relieved for I know Terry could escape on time in the previous chapter.
Oh, no, Dan, please save Rose and her daughter. You wouldn’t treat them harshly, (yeah, I know you would later…)
His hair thinning, George was still George, a prank king. I love the concept that he had had that particular storage facility. It’s sad to know Michael and Cho’s daughter was killed. With all sympathy Harry felt, we, readers couldn’t stop hating the evil act and the bad people behind the scenes. You are very good at igniting fire of readers for justice, Dan.
In spite of the unity of friends around Weasleys and Potters, I hate the existence of Percy and Arabela. I strongly suspect Arabela is Lady T. Percy has been played a trick again. Her cruelty emerged on the surface when she bound Rosier with her magic.
The words in the lyrics, “For bargains paid in blood and innocence” and “That cannot be had for the pittance of a tarnished soul” are horrible. No more physically pain to Hermione, please, Dan. She had endured many things. Yeah, I know more climax scenes coming soon.
Her interest, her ability to solve the riddles were concentrated into the dark magic. It’s hard to witness her agony but at the same time, it’s very thrilling and can’t stop reading. (Alas, Suzan can't help Hermione this time in her weak condition.)
And readers cry with Hermione, feeling her anxious feeling, for her daughter and granddaughter.
Oh, yeah, Lady T found that and the things wouldn’t go easily, Terry, Ron and Harry.
But they never give up, preparing plan B after plan A. Another great chapter!
K
What I love the most you don't forget writing Ron as a super hero who appears alone to fight back, which leads Harry to do his work easier.
The movement he suppressed his desire to hug his mother are well written, Dan. I really like this developing, how Ron threatened the man bound by the rope, I could imagine his facial expression like seeing him in a film.
I like you set Veritaserum as illegal. I felt the potion in J.K. Rowling's story a bit horrific.
After a brief meeting with Rose's school friend, Jade, you prepared the next obstacle. The readers including me can't take eyes off of her and her daughter.
Agh, I remembered the moment Hermione got the book. You may know, I've read to chapter 32. No, no, no, Hermione, are you really going to try the dark....?
Terry's information about Tenabra's evil acts and the original file will be the important key to solve the problem and you set French Auror headquarters great.
I love what Fleur did. She must have been able to do that, I like the idea, Dan. An incredible her apparation magic!
K
Hi, Dan. Grabbing a chance at forums activity, Magic Bingo Round 3, I came back.
I still remember Octavia’s brave act, her guts impressed me. Having a Muggle-born mother, Rose tried hard to have her daughter experience muggle education, we HP readers smile remembering Hermione’s enthusiasm. The conversations between mother Rose and Octavia must have been heartwarming, but alas, horrible fate was waiting. At least, the officers in the Ministry seem to have been easy on them.
After Flint, Lady Tenabra finished Rowle. Goyle’s insight let us imagine many things. His fear comparing Tenabra’s slaughters with Bellatrix’s madness, might be a breakthrough. His link to Malfoy will be the one, I guess. You created an original devil organization equal to the Death Eaters of J.K.Rowling.
Another suspense, I expect what Terry Boot got will help Harry and Ron to find one more clue to solve the case.
After a transient joy, Harry and Ron came back taking Susan to their hiding safely, it’s hard to read Hermione’s cry for her daughter and granddaughter. Oh, but I really love the last scene, how she stirred up Harry to rise.
K
The conversation between Hugo and Fiona reminded me of my family’s trip preparation in my child’s younger days. Mother has to prepare many things for her baby for their trip. It couldn’t be helped. Fiona tried to do her best. At the same time I understand Hugo’s impatience. Too bad for them, Ministerial Security was faster.
Reading the conversation between Harry and the old elf, I remember the feeling while reading J.K.Rowling’s books. One of the reason why her story has been so popular, I think her story has many twists and turns until the matter will be settled at the end. In that way, you set a few more hardships to overcome for Harry who tries to save Susan and your attempt worked well.
After a transient friendship exchanges between Harry and Riminy, the first obstacle confronted Harry and Ron. The pace and flow is super. Charlene’s wit while helping them, reminded me of Hermione. Without Charlene’s help, they must have had serious consequences.
Every time I read the story about Ron’s driving skill, I grin and enjoy. I remembered HP book 2, the Flying car scene and Deeds’ comedy, “Driving Lessons.”
I enjoyed the action scene very much. The latter half is full of thrilling segments. It’s fun reading their team work in a predicament. There are lots of favorite scenes in your story and the ambulance racing with pursuers from the sky is one of my favorites.
I like the way how you revealed the new arrivals who attacked the bloke from Ministerial Security. And you set one more exciting scene. Susan’s plea for fighting back against the Blood Order and the other friends’ prompt Harry to lead his fellows, I really enjoyed from the start to the end of this chapter.
K
I smiled at the first scene, the dueling between Harry and Ron, which reminded me of the similar play using fake wands (toys) in their younger days at Hogwarts. After that, I chuckled at Harry’s thought towards Ron who apologized Hermione, “It felt out of character. HP fans can’t stop smiling at their relationship since we read J.K.Rowling’s books. You caught their feelings and acts very well.
Reading more, I got interest in the relationship between Esme and Katerina. Mystery why Katerina vanished suddenly in the middle of Auror training, isn’t solved. Esme and Dauzat’s help will make this story more interesting. It’s thrilling to keep reading your story.
Two emergencies happened in sequence, Hogwarts security and party of pursers were sent to their children. Harry’s watch can check his children’s movement? Cool! It reminded me of Molly’s clock in the Burrow. And it was good for Potters they shared the same memory about the hiding places. The plot about portkeys, the Delacour family and Al’s and Hugo’s common recognition about Harry’s secret places are well planned. Many kudos on it.
We can’t stop feeling thankful J.K.Rowling gave us the concept of house-elves. When we need help, ask them, then miracle happens. ;) I like your setting around the process how the elf healer accepted Harry’s request. It was carefully written based on the canon J.K.Rowling showed us in her books, like Dobby and Kreacher you explained via conversations between the elf healer and Harry.
I was glad when Northway entered again. I could catch segments happening at Hogwarts from his POV. It’s exciting he was the first to notice Tennant’s conspiracy. I hope Neville would take Northway’s information about Tennant seriously before it’s too late.
K
Lady Tenabra’s conspiracy was going to succeed, most of Aurors were forced to do only desk works. Rowle became the head of Ministerial Security. As I recognize the title of this story, the images, Hermione and the witch in Gerrard’s Cross suffered the same dreadful blood magic, by the spell, “Exussanguis” popped up. The spell was used for punishing Muggle-Borns or Blood Traitor or supporters for Muggles and Muggle-Borns, right? Her will to complete her greater good is outrageous. For Tenabra, one person’s life must be less than one insect. If those happenings were brought by her childish ideology, she is mentally ill.
The imbeciles in blue robes are the symbol of magical government’s stupidity. People’s imbecility has invited tragedy in any eras. Among them Susan’s effort radiates light. Terry Boots had been working on something important. I wondered what it was.
Malfoy’s bankruptcy sounds very convincing. Considering how they spent money, it is quite possible. Draco was lucky to have such a wise wife like Astoria.
I love the descriptions of Justin in the office and Susan’s POV about him. I enjoyed the gap between off and on staying alert.
The pace from the scene where Susan happened to catch Rosier’s and Rowle’s dark plot to attempt to let information slip to Harry and Ron and the descriptions about her mind movement, are marvelous.
As I wrote my review in the previous chapter, Hugo and Al had been so used to take peace for granted. Especially, Hugo’s perplexed state, including his Patronus scene, is really well written. They are adults who have children, but they had never fought in the actual fighting. Only Susan was a person who could lend them a helping hand. I held breath each moment in the latter half, the fighting scene. I became a fan of your Susan Bones now.
K
Putting aside intimacy between Ron and Hermione ( I like the way you wrote about their relationship in the first paragraphs though), the mystery was going to be revealed bit by bit. “This file is definitely missing some things, just like the one from the Minister’s office. But he’s made notes on the related documents. It’s almost as if he knew that some stuff was going to get taken out of the file...” It is obvious Lady Tenabra must have ordered her followers to hide them or she might buried them somewhere none could get to. I wish their (Ron's and Hermione's) infiltration will be paid soon.
The second happening sent me chill. The ghastly murder scene reminded me of J.K.Rowling’s professor Burbage’s fate. The situation was getting worse and worse. I hope Octavia won’t be involved in any bad happenings. I’m afraid Draco Malfoy might accept Goyle’s invitation, which might lead him to be more involved in troubles related with his family.
It’s funny to imagine Harry and Esme hiding under the Invisibility Cloak in the branches like a school boy and a girl. Well, some readers may think it is romantic to imagine they are hiding in French country for investigation.
Reading the spot where they encountered Monsieur Porcher, I imagined teh tarik’s Ariana Dumbledore’s father might be like Monsieur Porcher. Both men loved his daughter so much and tried to protect her from any harm, which looked so stubborn from outside. Very impressive. The locket Elena handed them will be the key to solve entangled mysteries.
I love you put the scene, the Head of the French Aurors and Harry with Esme. It's cool to imagine each facial expression reading their dialogues and descriptions. I can imagine what an important part Esme will play from there. It is good for Harry to get support from French Auror Headquarters, on the contrary his government is getting rot. And Percy’s mental confusion will make the situation more complicated. I feel sorry for Percy. He has been so weak after he lost Fred and Lady Tenabra (Arabela) took advantage of his vulnerable position.
K
I enjoyed the first half, Harry’s and Esme’s escape journey. It’s a great start you focused on describing the two officers who would try to arrest Harry. Harry and Esme must have been a good team in their younger days just like they did to escape from Ministry officers.
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I like the episode Arthur insisted to travel by airplane and Harry’s effort to continue safe small talks with Esme. You did a great job on the development of their conversation: Esme’s agony and Harry’s excuse and honest feeling towards her. And her understanding him.
I really love how George gave his pursuers slip and the passwords to the hiding place. I wondered how Ron will feel about the passwords.
When Percy entered the house, I was afraid that he would let important information leaked to Lady Tenabra. Reading the latter half of their conversations, I noticed you tried to build up fear and coming threat, the possibility Hogwarts will not be a safe place. Then there left a question. Harry’s and Ron’s children are under the threat that they will be questioned like criminals. An obvious question why Percy hadn’t been questioned by Ministry officers was unanswered yet for the Weasleys. (Of course, Lady Tenabra let it be.)
I like the new character you created, Professor Turgeon. It was fun to read how she read Harry’s mind and how she let them know who Lady Tenabra might be. As I read how Esme had something to do with Katerina, I became more and more interested in mystery, what let Katerina take to crime. Might her squib sister be one of the reasons?
I love Harry’s lost memory with his parents, god father and Lupin. A very beautiful moment you created. Each description about Esme who reacted to Harry’s words and hug is marvelous. Another great chapter!
K
The story began with Harry’s quiet thoughts while looking at the portrait of Dumbledore. I like that you started this chapter in that way. Romance between Harry and Esme in the past has been revealed bit by bit from the previous chapters, which entertain the readers and I like it, too.
I also enjoyed the magical theory around memories which can be destroyed by frequent observations. It sounds so professional that Esme and Hermione work together. It’s thrilling that they will hunt down the witch Esme mentioned. The day Lady Tenabra’s secret will be unveiled is coming soon. So exciting.
Wa…! Tennant worked for Lady Tenabra. After controlling Hogwarts, what does she want? A Penny dropped. I got the reason why Tennant seemed to have a kind of animosity towards Harry.
I really enjoyed the scene, Ron and Hermione infiltrated the Ministry in disguise. As I had a vague image about Mrs. Zabini from J.K.Rowling’s books and an impression about Blaise from the film, you gave them shape to talk each other or tell advice to a young witch via Ron and Hermione. Of course, real Zabini and Mrs. Zabini might have behaved in a different way, I just enjoyed their struggle to get information Harry expected them.
I love the last, they nearly failed and at the moment, they could get a help from Susan Bones.
K
The village of Little Hangleton, it used to be Tom Riddle’s territory, what a surprise Harry had many places to hide. And it’s the best place, the opposite of the ex-Death Eaters’ guess like Godric Hollow or the Burrow. Before reading your story, I had no idea I could experience the same thrilling feeling as while reading J.K.Rowling’s works. In your story, aged 60 (correct? My memory is uncertain…) Harry put on a display of exciting magical scenes one after another.
I like the house-elf, Hermys who was always loyal to Harry and it’s cool he took holidays after he did his job for his master.
Ron is in charge of food supply, the right man in the right place.
It’s understandable that Hermione wanted to trust her colleagues in the Ministry and Harry let her notice it’s dangerous to have them involved in the troubles.
Harry’s answer to Hermione when she asked about plenty of Muggle money will be a key to mystery. I’m very impressed by their conversation.
Lady Tenabra has controlled Minister’s mind not only Percy’s. I wonder what her true purpose is for controlling British Wizarding World. What grudge does she have? I wondered Harry might have done something wrong for her in the past.
I like the idea, Molly’s Patronus was a lioness. For her, the trio were still her children. I really like the scene.
Oh, no, the danger was impending to Al and Hugo who had been taking peace for granted. The process how they were dragged into peril is well written. And Susan’s last words about Harry is very impressive. Another great chapter!
K
Transferred from Ao3 back to Sun 04 Dec 2016
Hi, Dan! Everytime I come back here, I feel like I'm at home. I recognize myself I really like Harry centric, true brave Gryffindor story. That's why I love J.K.Rowling's books and I'd like to say thank you for making this wonderful fanfiction. I enjoyed the discussion scene about Hogwarts castle's security among Bill, Neville and Harry. There is always a betrayer at any fiction or any era, which makes a story more interesting. It's so impressive when Harry and Ron met Esme, I enjoyed it.
I was so excited expecting finally they were going to find the truth from Percy's memories. I remembered the moment when Slughorn had altered his memory in Harry's sixth year. And I was excited they could get a clue about the mysterious blond witch with help from Esme. I wondered what emotions swirled in Harry's mind after he took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes, saying, "Oh, crap." Was he sad remembering Ginny? Or did he regret that he invited Esme to his home for dinner without considering deeply? (Oh, I found the answer, later.)
The episode how Octavia was bullied by muggles and Scorpius Malfoy's thoughts and feeling are so well planned and well written that I could enjoy each description about Octavia and Scorp. I like the idea Hermione tried to solve the mysterious curse. I felt thrilled at her finding the book of poems.
Lol at the description 'the way she smiled at him' gave Ron the distinct impression that Harry might not have been the only one she found to be a bit thick'! I'm amazed by your plot, Dan. How could you create a new original character like the French witch and the episode around Harry and her, which made the golden trio's unity stronger back again? It's quite fun to read the scene from Ron's POV. Oh, no, you didn't end up with just a quarrel between Harry and Esme. I thought Harry was completely trapped and Ron and Hermione would be taken, but you set one more reversal, I love it.
I really enjoyed the action scene, how they had the Hit Wizards run away from Harry's home. I also love the moment when the portrait of his parents, Sirius and Remus waved at Harry. And the beautiful end of this chapter, Hermy's observation and thought, just brilliant! Oh, man, did you compose the poem? Great! Comment Actions
Transferring, I need to reread this chapter again before going next.
I reread the last spot: a black, ten inch Hawthorn wand with a unicorn hair core
Does it mean Harry thought of using his power related to Elder Wand? Very intriguing!
14th Aug. 2017
K
Oops, two more transferred reviews coming from Ao3, Dan.
back to Sun 23 Oct 2016
Hi, Dan. I came back grabbing the chance at our new community's Halloween event, Team Werewolf! I found the most impressive, your Dumbledore's words in this chapter. (How many times did I say you wrote the most impressive words? I guess it's not the first time.) ' "I believe, " Dumbledore began, stroking his beard and staring into space, "That a great many lives could have been spared if wizards inpositions of authority had taken such precautions fifty years ago." I took the phrases as admonition to our country, the top politicians could have chosen not to start the war. This choice will be said in our RW. I'm amazed by your plot that Harry had to fight back against the dark evil acts and how the golden trio had to face their enemies. Your profound insight and imagination keep catching our hearts.
So I go back to the first scene, Hermione's first day at Ministry. The unwelcomed situation and her bewilderment are well written and your choice, Lucy is perfect. I also smiled bitterly at the spot, "There were familiar notes of Audrey in her voice, it made her cringe on their side, one of those in the family was enough." I have had the similar feeling in my RL.
I enjoyed the conversation between Harry and the older witch at St. Mungo's. Though Ron's act is mentioned only in Harry's memory, I really like the description.
Oh, no, the situation around Muggle-borns at Hogwarts got harder for them. Including Neville, the star characters, Arthur and Bill will strengthen Harry's side defense. We wait for their coutnerattack against Lady Tenabra with eager anticipation. Agh! the galleon! So exciting! I could imagine Percy became Tenabra's target so easily, and how weak he was, remembering J.K.Rowling's books. Wa...breeding the pure bloods out of existence? What a plan! I hope Lady Tenabra's plan had some holes so that Harry and his friends could fight back.
Kenny
Hi, Dan. While reading this chapter, I remembered I had already read this and left comments at Ao3. So I'll transfer it.
back to Thu 18 Aug 2016
Hi, Dan. Finally I could come back here after that incident in April and RL from Hiroshima. What a coincidence. I felt overwhelmed by historical information about Hiroshima and the atomic bomb and pondered about an old world and our modern world. During the World War II men in my country couldn't choose to avoid the battle and were forced to fight in the battlefield and some of them killed people believing that was right. I wondered what let Lady Tenabra order Rowle, McNair and Rosier do those dirty works. To be honest, I wished she would be destroyed after controlling another person. "To join the destinies of your lands" sounds scary. I hope her evil ambition will not be achieved. Oh, she had another wizard she could attempt the bonding with? It's frightful.
How many times have I felt thrilled by your action scenes? I like the team work to let Harry escape from the hospital. I may prefer your story to "The Cursed Child". Harry you wrote is stubborn and weak but, he is brave and strong. You portrayed his characters better. I also like the Pensieve scene. I like the idea that Hermione could stand on her own two feet in the Pensieve memory. And the new character will enter, can we expect a kind of romance between Harry and the French witch next? My fear seems to be right. Arabela is her, right? (spoiler)
Kenny
Hi, Dan. I decided to finish reading your awesome novel first before going back to your new novel. I'll be back to next chapter (16) soon.
Transferred from hpff
28th March 2016:
Hi, Dan! This chapter is also amazing! My son came back to listen to my translation ( we read the first half of this chapter last week but he went to bed in the middle.), so I read all for him to the end.
We got so excited at the fight scene in front of the gate at Hogwarts and chuckled at each movement and thoughts of Ron. My son told me that the scene of the sports bar, the conversation with the Muggle was interesting, too.
It's quite interesting to read the changes in Percy's mind. And the descriptions about the process Hermnione tried to stand up again is marvelous, too.
There were many spots I put my heart to read out aloud like an actor when I translated them to my son, I mean very moving scenes:
“You’re not listening, Ron,” Percy snapped. “I have spent years trying to forget everything that happened that night. I’m not going to dredge it all up just because you and Harry have some half-baked theory about the New Blood Order killing Ginny.”
He felt slender fingers running through his hair, and shifted his gaze slightly to the side. He could make out a blurry image of bright auburn hair. He sighed contentedly, feeling as though some terrible thing that he couldn’t quite recall had turned out to be all in his head.
“Daddy, are you awake?” Lily’s voice sounded slightly muffled, as though his head was inside a barrel. As soon as he realized who she wasn’t, the terrible thing was back, like a great weight on his aching chest. He must have let a frown cross his face.
“Including you!” she snapped. Harry couldn’t see his daughter’s eyes, but he was sure that they were flashing with anger exactly like her mother’s. After several seconds, he felt the weight of her shoulders and head on his chest. He stroked her hair with his uninjured hand and felt her body shudder slightly. “Daddy,” she whispered, “we’ve already lost Mum. I don’t want to lose you, too.”
Her plea pierced his heart. He lay there for a long moment, considering the unbalanced mess his life had become. As he comforted his baby daughter, he silently cursed the part of himself that wanted nothing more than to let it all go and be with Ginny again. It was only too easy to foresee a moment of weakness when that part would lead him to the exact decision she feared.
“I’ll try, pumpkin,” he whispered. “I’ll try.”
Thank you for great story, again. We'll be back.
Kenny
Transferred from HPFF back to
30th January 2016:
Hi,Dan.
Finally I came back again. As I wrote in your MTA thread, I thought chapter 11 was the best, you portrayed the trio very well but I'd like to say this chapter is also great. I enjoyed the scene, Harry's accomplishment of his mission very much. Mainly it was Harry to play an active part, but I really like you set Ron as a backup for Harry during his mission. I like the idea involving old Hagrid's disinformation, too.
Oh, my.. when I read the part of Hermione at the first sentnece, I felt the gap between Harry's mission and Hermione's state of mind, the dynamic and the static state. Then you wrote "the teachings of an ancient Zen philosopher as I expected! I strongly felt that at the very first sentence, " Hermione listened to the sounds of water falling over the edge of the small fountain... Hm..."Peace led to serenity" yes, calmness. "Serenity led to acceptance." acceptance? maybe... yeah, acceptance to live together with her situation. "Acceptance led to growth"? Acceptance led to reborn? just my thought.
Poor Hermione. She's not ready for the fact that she has to use the wheel chair.
The conversation between Scorpius and Draco is very impressive. I was amazed by your imagination. How could you create such a nice scene out of nowhere? Especially I like this dialogue, "Don't let pride or your faith in Potter blind you to the truth. He can't protect everyone, everywhere, all the time." I felt sad remembering Ginny was dead in your story (That was the reason why I couldn't keep reading this when I found your story as I mentioned at your MTA. I knew this existed when I entered this site. But now I can't stop reading yours! I'm completely hooked.)
Then I confirmed why you got Golden Paw Award for Best Trio. I felt excited at Hermiolne's highly motivated attitude and her thought about the way how Harry got the file and Ron's decision that he would not tell the Auror training related to her levitation.
I take back my previous statement. The most impressive scene for me is "Father and son locked green eyes for a long moment. Even Harry was surprised when he found himself turning away first."
Oh, I'll take back the words^ again. I love the last scene, Harry's message via the silver stag the most, Dan!
I hope I can come back soon.
Kenny
Transferred from HPFF back to 20th August 2015
Hi, Dan. I’m writing the last chapter of my story and in a kind of block wondering how to describe the action scene and thought of coming back here.
The first paragraph is very impressive visually. I could imagine the feathers of the pigeons were ruffled by the fall breeze and the old building like a movie. We know Flint as a cunning Slytherin, so reading him as a timid man who has human feelings, it’s quite new and I like it. At the same time I wonder who the Lady is. Is she a canon character?
I got interested in the book, Ancient Secrets of the Dark Wizards of Wales. Will it be the key to solve the incident at Ministry? The conversation between Susan and Harry is very interesting. I wonder how you always set up the action and describe the scene where Harry takes lead. Do movies or books inspire you? How do these conversation pop up in your mind?
Fifty people at the Burrow, it must be chaos. Thinking over Harry lost his parents and grandparents earlier, we feel happy for him to have so many relatives.
Then you let another villain enter, I guess he must be a man who would kill Ginny. And I wondered if the journal Flint tried to get, was the destroyed diary Lucius Malfoy put into Ginny’s cauldron in her second year.
It’s pleasing to read the conversation between Harry and Ron and Hermione is getting better but wait, did you mention Hermione couldn’t walk at the first chapters? I have to check it later.
Transferred from HPFF back to 15th August 2015:
Hallo, Dan.
I came back here. As you mentioned at response before, Draco entered and finally brought crucial information to Harry. The conversation between Harry and him is very interesting. You kept their classical old rivalry letting them exchange sarcastic conversation. At the end Harry thanked him, which is very Harry-like and Draco didn’t show his emotion as well, it’s very entertaining.
Back to the dark curse which Hermione suffered, is mystery hidden by dark clouds. To find the answer, Harry came back to Hogwarts to consult the headmasters, I love it, too.
I also like the small episode that you let Harry feel Hermione was his best mate more deeply than Ron. And I love his care towards Ron, He had learned many years ago that this was Ron’s place and he needed to give the two of them space,too.
I also like your unobtrusive depiction about Harry as a Head Auror, inserting the scene where he was observing his young subordinates work on the investigation.
I wondered if you took much more time to write about Astoria, because J.K.Rowling didn’t mention about her so much in the books. So many kudos on it, including the scene where Draco rescued her from Flint’s dirty creepy act.
Kenny
Transferred from HPFF
Hi, Dan! This chapter is also amazing! My son came back to listen to my translation ( we read the first half of this chapter last week but he went to bed in the middle.), so I read all for him to the end.
We got so excited at the fight scene in front of the gate at Hogwarts and chuckled at each movement and thoughts of Ron. My son told me that the scene of the sports bar, the conversation with the Muggle was interesting, too.
It's quite interesting to read the changes in Percy's mind. And the descriptions about the process Hermnione tried to stand up again is marvelous, too.
There were many spots I put my heart to read out aloud like an actor when I translated them to my son, I mean very moving scenes:
“You’re not listening, Ron,” Percy snapped. “I have spent years trying to forget everything that happened that night. I’m not going to dredge it all up just because you and Harry have some half-baked theory about the New Blood Order killing Ginny.”
He felt slender fingers running through his hair, and shifted his gaze slightly to the side. He could make out a blurry image of bright auburn hair. He sighed contentedly, feeling as though some terrible thing that he couldn’t quite recall had turned out to be all in his head.
“Daddy, are you awake?” Lily’s voice sounded slightly muffled, as though his head was inside a barrel. As soon as he realized who she wasn’t, the terrible thing was back, like a great weight on his aching chest. He must have let a frown cross his face.
“Including you!” she snapped. Harry couldn’t see his daughter’s eyes, but he was sure that they were flashing with anger exactly like her mother’s. After several seconds, he felt the weight of her shoulders and head on his chest. He stroked her hair with his uninjured hand and felt her body shudder slightly. “Daddy,” she whispered, “we’ve already lost Mum. I don’t want to lose you, too.”
Her plea pierced his heart. He lay there for a long moment, considering the unbalanced mess his life had become. As he comforted his baby daughter, he silently cursed the part of himself that wanted nothing more than to let it all go and be with Ginny again. It was only too easy to foresee a moment of weakness when that part would lead him to the exact decision she feared.
“I’ll try, pumpkin,” he whispered. “I’ll try.”
Thank you for great story, again. We'll be back.
Kenny
Hi Dan!
Really, it's taken me far too long to get to this story, but hopefully I can get to reading the rest of it in the future now I've started. After reading the prologue, I have to admit that I was a bit apprehensive about this chapter - I was hoping that Harry and Ginny wouldn't have been separated for long and that they'd have been much older when they meet at King's Cross Station in the prologue, but it doesn't seem like that's the case :(
You did a great job in this chapter of keeping the suspense there and keeping the reader guessing about why there was no response from Ginny. Part of me was wondering whether she was ill or unable to respond for some reason, but the truth was much worse. Ginny is dead and she died so young!
You conveyed Harry's emotions so effectively here in this chapter. I could tell in a way, especially when I looked back at the way that Harry had been talking to Ginny through the chapter and updating her on what their children and grandchildren were doing, that he was trying hard to keep it together and deal with the loss of his wife. Then in that moment when he tells her she's the most beautiful woman in the world - something he must have said to her so many times before when she was alive - he can't keep back the tears anymore. I think that showed really well how much of an impact a loss like this can have, and the way that even the smallest of things can make the day much more difficult to live through.
I loved finding out all of the back story to Harry's family at this point, though, and I think you found a very effective way to do that naturally. I'm still upset that Ginny's not alive here but I'm looking forward to finding out what happened and to seeing more of your Harry. I shouldn't be surprised, but you characterise him brilliantly well and I've really enjoyed this story so far!
Sian :)
Transferring reviews back to
11th July 2015: *Gryffindor /House Cup 2015/ Amazing Race 5
The first description, the morning great lake is very beautiful. I was glad to read Harry was going to teach DADA lesson at Hogwarts, and smiled you set Neville as a Headmaster.
It's very fun to read how Harry lectured the class about the duel. I enjoyed the description about their practice. It's like watching the fencing match. I remembered when I wrote the same kind of scene, I imagined "kendo", Japanese fencing.
The idea of leaving the decoy behind is very impressive.
I also enjoyed the episode about Artie and Northway, too.
The latter of this story holds profound meaning . Readers think over to know the history, nobody was willing to fight, so many people tried to pretend that nothing was wrong, which is common through out our real world.
Kenny
p.s.
My request, I wish you would make an entry at Auror's Tale Story challenge on the forums someday about Harry centric Auror training fic or his investigation fic. FYI, the deadline for Season 3, July 1. I don't pester you, I know you are busy, Dan. :D 2017/06/04
Transferring reviews back to
11th July 2015: *Gryffindor/ House Cup 2015/ Amazing Race 5
The court scene was powerfully well written. But one of trio murdered the killer of Ginny? The question was not answered. It's very cliffhanging.
The phrases, "Because you failed, Potter. You weren't strong enough to protect her and now she's gone" are very impressive. You repeated these before.
The family grieving scene is so sad to read, but the scene where Percy and Harry left alone in the forest of Dean is more thrilling to read. Then the truth seemed to be revealed finally. The scene Harry seized Percy by the collar of his robes is powerful but the question still remained. I guess something bigger things are hiding.
And I was deeply impressed by the scene of the portraits of Harry's dearest people, too. My favorite spot here is "Two sets of brilliant, green eyes stared into one another, sharing their pain."
Kenny
Transferring reviews back to
11th July 2015: *Gryffindor / House Cup 2015/ Amazing Race 5
I felt relieved to see someone cared Harry after Ginny died. So Ron and Hermione often checked him as they've done in their Hogwrats days. The scene Hermione using the charm"Reparo" reminded me of the book 1 in the Hogwarts train where trio met each other for the first time. I feel happy imagining Arthur help George with his experiment on muggle contraption.
The plot, Harry established four kinds of charities is a good idea. I remembered J.K.Rowling set up many charities, too.
The reason why Ginny had died were revealed little by little. The boggart story was well planned. Harry couldn't repel the boggart, Octavia did it instead of him, which is very impressive. The episode that Narcissa gave a stuffed unicorn is lovely, too.
Kenny
p.s.
2017/06/04
I think I'll say "I like this chapter" again next time. You are good at writing serving food (lunch served by Hermys here for an example,) and the conversation among family, like Hermione's and Harry's including their relatives, like Arthur (I wish I could live like him at his age over ninty years...with pure heart around Muggle divices.) the flow is very natural.
Gryffindor /House Cup 2015/ Amazing Race 5
To be honest, I have read this chapter, I remembered. Why didn't I leave reivew? Maybe RL prevented me from keeping to read this. I noticed, I didn't read the latter part of this chapter. Oh, no, Ginny died earlier than Harry. It's sad. She only lived for sixty years? Too young to die. What happened to her?
Harry was 64 years old here, so it means he lived at least four years longer than his wife. It must be a lonely life after his children grew up. But the plot, living alone suits him well. Most of authors write about the next generation, but your method, telling about them through Harry's eyes sounds real to us.
p.s. 2017/05/20
I remembered that I stopped reading when I caught Ginny's grave marker at the bottom of this chapter, as a Hinny shipper. I was afraid of reading her death and grieving Harry.
When I reread this chapter this morning, I spotted this: His black hair was now liberally mixed with grey, but baldness had spared him. It was still as unmanageable as ever, just thinner.
These sentences expressed the old age of Harry very well. The other Harry's monologues to his wife make us sad but they are thought-provoking remarks like we drink whisky or wine.
Kenny
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