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Hi again!
You write dark dramas and mysteries so well, and the mood and tension of this second chapter even upon opening is just *chef’s kiss*. I enjoyed seeing how the Weasley-Potter clan [plus Scorpius and significant others] got together after the wake and how they all interacted when they were in the pub together. I hope you dive more into how this group pulled in Abel (and Scorpius by extension) in later chapters, because this mystery is just too intriguing!! And then you end with Rose and Scorpius being the only ones left in the pub, leaving them to discuss why Abel saw both of them ten days before he died. I am so excited to see them working together, and how they pool their collective knowledge, skills, and connections to hopefully solve the mystery of Abel’s death. Great job!!
~Madi
Broom Racing
Oooh, so what’s the history between Rose and Elizabeth Geronimo? Why does she dislike Rose so much? I assume this animosity emerged from when Rose was dating Abel -- is Elizabeth one of those protective motherly types who thinks that no woman is good enough for her son? Or did Rose actually *do* something to cause such dislike? I AM VERY CURIOUS.
Big starry eyes for Scorpius being an excellent, competent professional!!! I have a big thing for characters who are good at their jobs -- particularly when it comes to being confident and well-spoken -- and I was pleasantly surprised by this new side of Scorpius! It’s clear that he’s really good at what he does, which is where I assume all his confidence comes from. Clearly, Rose is not the biggest fan, haha. :D
I’m really interested in Elizabeth’s motives. Is she trying to contest the will simply because she distrusts Adam, and doesn't think he deserves that money? I feel like it's entirely possible that she doesn’t actually want the inheritance for herself, that she genuinely wants to make sure that her son’s will is correct and not forced. I also don’t know anything about these legal issues so I have no idea what I’m talking about here. :P
Lovely chapter!
Eva
ROSE IS SO SMART. And you really show that throughout the chapter, from Rose’s observations to the fact that Rose uses Muggle cameras! It’s so eye-opening to see her call them “extraordinary,” with her fascination with Muggle materials inherited from Arthur Weasley, because they really would be, in the wizarding world. And because magic and electricity don’t really mix, I wonder if that also means that cameras are tamper-proof -- so what Rose sees is definitely what happened.
The details you include are amazing!!! For instance, when Rose’s handwriting slants downwards because she’s concentrating on looking at the footage rather than writing neatly -- it adds so much to her character! I can so easily visualize her doing exactly that, looking so intensely at the video that she can’t be bothered about her handwriting, I love it.
*squints suspiciously at Anna* *and Elizabeth* *and Victor*
Scorpius as a character is really intriguing. The story mentions that he and Rose get along best when they’re being “clinical,” which is really interesting -- but it also seems that he’s more emotional about Abel’s death than Rose is. She’s quite callous to him, which I feel really bad about! But I also don’t like that he seems to be always drawing attention to his lineage as though to garner sympathy. I’m not sure if that’s exactly what he’s doing, though.
Hope they learn something from the conversation with Elizabeth!
Eva
I really enjoyed this glimpse into how the Potter family and the Geronimo family are interconnected! It seems like a lot of them are involved with one another in some way, which makes sense -- both are really big and powerful families, so it’d be easy for them to gravitate towards one another, I’d imagine. I really like the atmosphere between them, I think! Even though Abel has just died, they’re still focusing on their fond memories of him. It seems as though Anna is the only one who’s properly upset, so I want to give her a hug! I find it really interesting that neither Rose nor Scorpius are that affected by Abel’s death, considering they were very close in the past -- I wonder if that’s their professionalism, or if they simply don’t miss him that much.
The whole time, though, I was kind of staring at the group suspiciously, wondering if there was someone sketchy in their midst. I feel like there’s not, but when it comes to these mysteries, I get extremely paranoid and suspect everybody hahaha.
Oooh, Rose has green eyes? That’s so interesting! It’s almost like she inherited it from Harry magically, somehow, even though they’re not genetically related. I like that!
Yay for Rose and Scorpius collaborating! I’m intrigued to follow them on this journey and see where they take us! :D
Eva
Ooh, Victor was supposed to inherit the estate from Mr. Geronimo? Victor is Abel’s uncle? I wonder what would be the reason the estate would ordinarily be supposed to flow to Mr. Geronimo’s brother and not his wife or son?
I’m enjoying the pacing of this story very much, how you have just a scene or two per chapter that makes everything feel like it’s moving along, still mysterious but never getting bogged down.
I enjoyed seeing Rose’s interaction with the Aurors, particularly Xavier and all of those dynamics between them. I hope to learn more about Rose’s history with the Aurors and how that affects her investigations.
<3 Melanie
Ravenclaw
2020 HC Finale - Broom Racing
Ohh I loved this chapter so much! The dynamic between Hugo and Rose, which is very good overall but not perfect. They still have their friction, but their shared experiences bring them together, and I love how Hugo watches out for her.
Such wonderful insight here into their family dynamic, I just feel like raving about it and I’m sure I’ll inadvertently forget to mention something.
Hermione’s addiction! I commend you for taking that approach to her. I like Hermione quite a lot (Ron, too; my pen name definitely checks out) -- but Hermione is sometimes a bit too perfect in fanfiction. She’s never crushed under the weight of everything she’s taken on in her life. Your Hermione -- just the glimpse we get of her here through Rose’s thoughts -- is overwhelmed by the pressure of everything on her shoulders, a stressful career (seriously, being in law and/or politics really does a number on people and their personal lives), and is certainly dealing with PTSD from the war for the rest of her life. And addiction is such a common thing, it affects people at all socioeconomic levels, regardless how well educated they are or how well they once had their lives put together. And it’s all too common for a spouse -- even one who cares -- to overlook it, whether it’s because they’re in denial or whatever.
Also the fact that Hermione is so hard on her kids that it’s got to a point where it’s downright unsupportive. You’ve honed in on a character trait of Hermione’s that I think is often overlooked, which is how narrow-minded she can be in her own way, very tunnel-visioned and judgmental of people who don’t meet her standards or do things the “right” way (e.g. the “right” career path). And from some other things in the narrative it sounds like Rose feels those unfair expectations coming from both parents.
I really, really loved the line, “Rose didn’t mind pleasing Hugo, because he didn’t demand it.” Wow, there’s so much meaning packaged in that one sentence. I hope we see more of Hugo; I think I really like him!
<3 Melanie
Ravenclaw
2020 HC Finale - Broom Racing
Hi, hi! I had the pleasure of validating some of these chapters, and so I’m so glad I stumbled across this story again in my ridiculously long streak of Rose/Scorpius stories. :P
I’ve recently discovered that I have a serious thing for post-Hogwarts Scorpius and Rose, when they’re both settled(ish) in their adult lives and careers. SPEAKING OF, I absolutely love that Rose is a private investigator and that Scorpius is a lawyer??? These are professions to which I’ve never seen these two assigned before, but I think it suits them beautifully! Especially based on what we know of their temperaments so far! Both seem like very capable people, but I think the interesting thing here is that both of them are personally invested in the matter of Abel’s early death as he was their friend...which I think will make future interactions really intriguing!
Something fishy is going on...especially since Rose casually thought about how Abel is actually worth so much more than 12.5 million Galleons?? So where did the rest of his net worth go??? I am excited for answers!
The dynamic between Rose and Scorpius is really refreshing! I like seeing this kind of shy side to Scorpius -- one who’s uncertain about himself, one who’s kind to Rose. I’m looking forward to seeing where they take this investigation!!
Eva
Hey blackballet!
I’m here for broom racing for the House Cup Finale but also because I absolutely love “stranger things” and just knew anything else you write would be equally as good! Boy what a strong opening chapter, wow I am absolutely HOOKED already with this. A mysterious death for Rose’s ex and also apparently a *very* wealthy man, who is the executor of his will is none other than Scorpius Malfoy. Rose clearly had a complicated relationship with him both personally and professionally, and I am so ready to learn more and more about that as I read on. The family dynamic of the Geronimos is very interesting as well, and is honestly giving me big “Knives Out” vibes so kudos to you on that! What a cliffhanger, but also WHAT A WILL!! Man’s got money but ain’t nobody touching that until his death is investigated, which is sure to cause some ruffled feathers among the family members. I’ll be back for more soon!
~Madi
Broom Racing
Ohh, Scorpius’s drinking problem at such a young age is so sad but so real, and I particularly appreciated your observation about how it started so young because everyone at school did it because there was really nothing else to do.
I’m further intrigued by Rose’s character and how it has been shaped, how she doesn’t experience loyalty or obligation in the same way as either of her parents -- who, I think, are both loyal to a sense of community and ideals (perhaps in different ways from one another, but still) -- but she sort of adopted a Slytherin-type loyalty, to individual people -- one that allows for not loving people and conditions it on the idea of whether it’s “deserved.”
I do hate to see Rose taking such delight in irritating Scorpius when he has an addiction, and also after his reaction to her almost touching his mother’s things. But dynamics do become peculiar and overly familiar when you’ve known each other for a long time. It’s nice of her to stay with him in the end, and nice of him to let her.
Gosh, I would love to be in Draco’s head for a minute, to know what his life is like, and his thoughts about his son.
<3 Melanie
Ravenclaw
2020 HC Finale - Broom Racing
Mrs. Geronimo does seem the type to contest the will but then immediately pull the grieving mother card whenever someone wants to further question her about the death.
I actually really liked seeing that Rose’s emotions -- or those she shows, even if they’re not real in the moment -- can be an asset, and she’s not above manipulating sympathy. I don’t think you get anywhere as a private investigator by just being honest all the time, right?
There are definitely some complex family dynamics at play here, as illustrated by Rose’;s conversation with Anna, and Anna’s loyalty to Adam despite everything that has gone on in this family.
Anna makes a super interesting comment about Abel playing puppetmaster from the grave… like the reason he went to each Scorpius and Rose for help is that he wanted them to work together. Maybe because he knew they both cared about him, but maybe also for another reason, though why he would have wanted that I have no idea?
<3 Melanie
Ravenclaw
2020 HC Finale - Broom Racing
I’m very glad to see Scorpius is something of a different person in his professional life -- that’s very much a thing for a lot of people, uncertain on a personal level maybe but when they know their profession they can be amazingly confident. Rose, on the other hand, I’m still trying to figure out what I think of her as a private investigator. She was getting pretty emotional at some point here, seemed to be getting emotional almost too easily (and I’m a very sensitive person and can feel quite emotional myself so no personal judgment there, just thinking that could be quite a detriment to her in her career… although I suppose, in some ways, maybe also an asset). But it seems that she’s just so close to this case personally, and I wonder how that’s going to impact her investigation.
There really seem to be a lot of skeletons in the Geronimo family closet! Did Abel’s father leave his estate to Abel instead of his own wife??
And it’s so interesting that Scorpius and Rose each have such a different take on Elizabeth’s status as a potential suspect, despite the fact that they both knew Abel well. I look forward to see how they continue working together.
<3 Melanie
Ravenclaw
2020 HC Finale - Broom Racing
Ahh how interesting that wizards are still so prone to underestimating Muggle technology! And even more interesting how the first thing or person Rose finds on the video from the day of the murder, is someone who appears after Abel already died.
You do such a good job of just sprinkling in little bits of information here and there -- even though we’re in Rose’s head, we don’t get a whole narrative explaining absolutely everything, whether it’s why she dislikes Scorpius so much or what exactly caused her relationship with Abel to end and what exactly happened the last time there was Geronimo family drama over an inheritance. And that obviously has the effect of increasing the mystery, but also, it’s just very effective storytelling because the narrative keeps moving swiftly, never getting too bogged down in thoughts and explanations when the focus is meant to be on the dialogue or whatever else is happening. It reads like a real flow of thoughts through Rose’s mind -- little things here and there, moving naturally from one thought to another, just acknowledging salient things like the fact that when Abel’s father passed away, it was the first time she met his family and also “the first day of the end of their relationship” (I love how that was presented).
I also really appreciated how you acknowledged Rose’s difficulties as a woman in her profession -- something that she can’t overcome just by virtue of her famous parents. Also the fact that she’s still struggling with her “tells” -- her blushing and smiling.
<3 Melanie
Ravenclaw
2020 HC Finale - Broom Racing
Something I didn’t mention in the last chapter is I love that Scorpius is a lawyer! We don’t see a lot of wizard lawyers in fics! And I LOVED the line about how secrets are different than lies when Rose makes the quip about Scorpius not keeping secrets well. Haha, so true. His line is so cynical but realistic -- lawyers deal with clients lying to them all the time and they tend to be able to figure out when it’s happening.
I’ll be so interested to learn more about why and how this group of friends became estranged, and that whole dynamic especially considering they still all seem so linked by the Potter-Weasley cousins.
How funny that Scorpius’s instinct, to want to pay for things because he feels some kind of guilty about his wealth, actually just serves to further rub his wealth in someone’s face, even if that’s not how he meant it. If I were Rose, I might be annoyed by that, too! I hope we’ll learn some more about why they dislike each other, although I’m starting to see little bits and pieces about why Scorpius annoys Rose.
Melanie
Ravenclaw
2020 HC Finale - Broom Racing
I’m always excited for a good mystery, and beginning with a death is always a great hook -- I like that Rose is a personal investigator but also has a personal connection to Abel. Beginning with the wake really set a scene and was a great way to introduce all the players (or a lot of them at this point, anyway). You’ve set up an intriguing dynamic within Abel’s family and circle of acquaintances and just given us a taste, not too much information yet, and and tantalizing information that Abel was hiring Rose to investigate something and setting his affairs in order less than two weeks before his death. (And wow, Abel was worth a lot of money!!)
I’m still working out what Rose’s character and personality are like, but what I enjoy so far about what you’ve done with Scorpius is the fact that he’s too nice and almost “apologetic for his existence.” That’s such an interesting facet of his personality (but totally believable).
Looking forward to reading on!
Melanie
Ravenclaw
2020 HC Finale - Broom Racing
Heyo heyo Catherine. Lily here back with another review on your lovely freaky murder mysery. First off I'd like to say that I'm sorry if I forget any details of your story. I'm trying to keep everything straight but it's definitely hard with many novel reviews that all have such intricate story lines. And second, of course as you know I adore, ADORE, the way you write. It's just, I don't even know. But it's incredibly clear and engaging. And as I said in my last review, murder mysteries are really hard so you have my... Wait 'impression' doesn't work in this context. I am very impressed by you is what I mean.
I am glad that we are finally getting to see Rose actually working her profession. It definitely seems like it's going to end up being a big part of Abel's death, so it's good to have the context of actually being there.
Ooooh a strange shadowy figure on Abel's apartment doorstep? Tell me more. Hah impurturable, nice word. I don't even know what it means. I guess that's why all my English teachers taught me to use the rest of the sentence to figure out the meaning. So, my smart person to English translator says that it means, pretty hard to stick under the damned door? Hahaha. Oh I'm dumb it's a spell.
Not gonna lie, the last name Geronimo keeps making me think of cannonballs. It's a little funny for a serious mystery novel haha.
What?? Scorpius involved with the will? And they're trying to claim that Abel wasn't fit to write it? Crazy.
My only note is to watch repeating character's names too often/in unnecessary ways... For example: [Since the day 1. Abel came knocking on Rose’s door, she’d installed muggle cameras outside of 2. Abel’s flat in London and took to monitoring them.] It's pretty clear who you're talking about the first time so you can easily say his flat without confusing anybody :)
Overall this was another amazing amazing amazing chapter and I'm really excited to read the next one! I'm definitely going to have to go back and read the other chapters. I think I'm going to try to read it all in one go!
Have a good one
Lily
Author's Response:Hi again Lily!
You're doing a wonderful job of remembering details, by the looks of it! If I continue to do my job right, you'll remember just what you need to ;). And yes! I love Rose as her detective-self, it's fun to write such an independent character, though that's all I seem to do. Haha it was used in the OOtP by Molly Weasley to keep the twins out of Order meetings! I just love that word, and Rose is the type of person to recognize that sort of thing.
That was part of the fun of their name! I had a lot of difficulty coming up with a properly heritaged surname, so I just went with Geronimo! And you just know I had to rope Scorpius back in somehow.
That's a great point to look out for. I definitely enjoy writing in circles, so upon second reads, I'll look for where I can substitute with pronouns.
I'm glad you are enjoying it so much. Get ready for a rollercoaster!
Catherine
Hey my dear!
I'm here for our review swap! Thanks for taking me up on it.
I'm really curious about this story. I enjoy a good OC and am really curious to find out who this Abel Geronimo is. Based on Scorpius and Anna's reactions, it sounds like things didn't end on the best of terms between he and Rose. The hug with Anna was tense at best.
Ooh. A murder mystery. So Rose is at the funeral trying to gather some info on who killed Abel? It's odd that he'd just show up in her office the way he did when he was clearly not very excited about seeing her. This reinforces the idea that their break up was bad.
The will went a bit differently than I'd expected. Since Scorpius told her to stick around, I figured she'd end up in the will as a big surprise, but instead most of his assets went to his brother. Since his brother wasn't there and is estranged from the family, it's pretty interesting that he left the majority of his wealth to him. It sounds like it was pretty shocking to the rest of the family and kind of makes me wonder if it wasn't one of his family members who might've killed him for his wealth.
This start is definitely very intriguing. I'll have to check back in later for more.
~Kaitlin
Hey there again! Lily with your requested review.
Wow... This chapter definitely cleared some inconsistencies up from the last. I am really intrigued now. There's definitely a secret that Scorpius and Rose are keeping. This is definitely a good way to develop a relationship... In a story I mean. I hope nobody gets into a relatiobship like this in real life bahahahaha!!!!! Abel's past is really creeping up in a very good way. I am insanely interested to see what's going to happen next! Not sure if I mentioned it before but I really like how Rose is a detective/private investigator. Stories get spiced up when the detective has a person stich in the case. Adam? Victor? Oooooh more mysteries. My only suggestion would be to make sure that details are clear. Murder mysteries are really hard to write with clues, that's why I don't do them, so I commend you!
After reading through I see no errors and I think you've got a good story on your hands! Have a wonderful day.
Love,
Lily <3
Author's Response:Hi Lily!
I am so glad that you're enjoying the story more as you go into it. More will be revealed about Abel and Rose and Abel and everyone else each chapter, and it is really exciting for me to hear your reactions as they unfold! And yes, I definitely have been going forward and back to clearly define the important points for this murder mystery. It has proven difficult, but is also really fun to write.
Thanks again!
Catherine
Hey there! Lily here with your requested review. Well, I can definitely say that I am very interested. One thing I feel though is a bit of an overload of characters. Most of them I'm definitely familiar with however it is still a lot at the same time. I understand that it's a wake and of course many people will be coming in to pay their respects or see if they made it in the will haha. I am very intrigued with how the story starts with a dead body though. Well dead person I guess. And your description is excellent. In terms of your concern of your OCs I can't really comment quite yet because I don't have enough information. I wouldn't take that as any indication of whether others would be invested however. It usually takes me quite a bit before I truly get into a story unless it's like Pulitzer Prize good/amazing.
The dynamic between Rose and Scorpius is very well portrayed. I'm really interested to find out more.
On the murder mystery side this is definitely good! The reading of the will, relatives waiting to see what is what. I'm already excited to find out who that murderer is.
Overall your first chapter is a very good hook and really interesting! I definitely would have enjoyed it a little more spread out with a larger word count, but it is perfect the way it is.
Yours,
ImaRavenclaw
Author's Response:Hi Lily,
Thanks for such a great review! My chapters have always been on the shorter side, so maybe I shoulds tart challenging myself to make them longer! This helped a lot, thanks again.
blackballet
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