Name: magemadi (Signed) · Date: 14 Jul 2020 05:13 PM · For: All Was True

Hi 800! First i just have to say that wow, you’ve really given me a lot to think about in regards to petunia dursley from this fic. Petunia contemplating murdering vernon in his sleep because he never helps with the children and just expects her to do everything around the house and with the children is honestly valid of her, and indicative of her mental health not being what it should be as a new mother. Your authors note explaining the perinatal mental health issues can be more than just straight up postpartum depression was really insightful, and you do execute that kind of thing with this snapshot of petunia very well. This absolutely makes me think of petunia as a character a little differently, so thanks for that! Great job with this piece! 

 

~Madi

Broom racing

Name: shadowycorner (Signed) · Date: 20 Jun 2020 11:29 PM · For: All Was True

This was painfully incredible. I am so torn after reading this. Torn between deeply sympathising with Petunia but also being sickened by her cold and consciouss determination to make Harry's life miserable as some sort of selfish vengeance upon the universe. yet the whole idea of it, the complex intricacy of her character and psyche makes so much sense and i almost want to hold her at the same time as i want to slap her.

 

there's so many fantastic lines in this story, i love the way petunia feels things in her head and the way her thoughts go, when it comes to vernon snoring, being generally useless, hoping that perhaps this time he'll actually care...and her secret unspoken wish to just smother him and free herself broke my heart because if she had freed herself from him (not by killing him ideally, ofc, lol) then perhaps she truly would have had a chance to be a better person and live a different life, and so there are these little moments that just fill me with a million little what ifs.

 

but it sadly shows how sometimes people just get broken, and one can argue that it's because they are weak or that they've just had the misfortune of being dealt all the wrong cards, i dunno.

 

when petunia is holding harry, the tenderness with which she holds him in that moment is overwhelming for me. because, again, it feels like maybe she could've loved him if things were different. and i'm so sorry she didn't find it in herself to do that.

 

This place that had her mother’s rocking chair, but no mother; her husband, but no partner; her sister’s son, but no sister.

 

A truly brilliant line encompassing the depressing scope of Petunia's emotions and inner world. This was a haunting but a very enjoyable read and I loved it.

 

Eli

Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 02 Feb 2020 11:00 PM · For: All Was True

Hello my dear!

 

I'm here to drop off a review for you for the CDMC - Round 2! I'm excited to see that you have a new piece up that I haven't yet read because as you know, I adore your writing.

 

Ooh. I really enjoy stories about Petunia. I feel like she's a character with so much depth to explore. Her motivations are so hard to understand through Harry's eyes, so it's nice to see a story that takes place in her POV. It doesn't necessarily justify or even make her look better, but it does make her feel much more human.

 

OMG. I relate so much to her struggles with Vernon snoring. I had a really good laugh about her thinking about murdering Vernon as he slept. I think anyone who sleeps next to a chronic snorer can relate. Lol.

 

It's pretty sad to see how useless Vernon is in regards to child rearing. I get that he's the breadwinner, but still, Petunia shouldn't be responsible for taking care of the kids every single second. Everyone needs a break, particularly when their sleep is being constantly interrupted. I really wish she'd have hit him hard and told him to drag his lazy bum out of bed to tend to the babies.

 

I do have some sympathy for Petunia initially. I think you really set up her isolation well. Being a young mother is difficult in the best of circumstances, but to have no support from her husband and no mother or sister to reach out to for help makes it so much worse. I can see she's clearly suffering under the weight of motherhood and postpartum issues.

 

I would like to think that at this age and with her sister dead, she'd have been able to move on from the unfairness of Lily being magical and her being a muggle, but clearly she hasn't. It's hard for me to imagine being so bitter that you could hate your sister well past her death and then hate her child just to spite her memory. But I also sort of know this happens. My grandmother and her sister spent most of my lifetime not speaking to each other and forcing the family to pick sides in their little war with each other. They managed to sort of patch things up before my grandmother died, but it always amazed me how they spent so many years stubbornly angry. I feel that same way about Petunia. I just can't fathom how someone could feel that way about family.

 

And where I'm really lost is all the anger and resentment she pours into Harry. He's so innocent of all the things she hates about her sister. I get that she sees her in him, but it's just so irrational and unfair to punish a child out of bitterness. It's a really interesting contrast too against her physical actions of holding, rocking, and caring for him. It's like the kind, loving person is locked in there and is sort of waiting for moments to escape.

 

I do really like your notes about postnatal and perinatal health. I'm at an age where many of my friends have had or are having children and it's amazing how often postpartum depression, physical health, sleep, etc. are all ignored in the mother. It's as if her health is less than secondary as long as the child is okay.

 

Excellent story as always! And great selection of podcasts in your author's notes. 

 

~Kaitlin

Name: TidalDragon (Signed) · Date: 27 Jan 2020 04:36 PM · For: All Was True

Howdy!

 

You had done such a good job of making Petunia seem like a character to sympathize with until the end. The cold calculation she shows, plotting Harry's horrible childhood while see rocks him, innocent and unknowing, back to sleep. If not the worst evil, it's certainly an awful one. Regardless, Petunia is also reflective on her life, which is a refreshing change. Outside her terrible plans for Harry, we discover that she actually has a lot of resentment toward her husband, which seems to owe to his selfishness. This is, of course, incredibly hypocritical given said plans, but we at least get a snapshot of things not being all hunky-dory with she and Vernon.

 

The exploration of her motivations though is also very interesting in that it's not solely grounded in jealousy, less so in fact than it's grounded in loneliness. Left behind by her mother. Left behind by Lily. And burdened by what they left behind after death. Her relationship being a hollow shell has allowed her lonely heart to fill with thoughts of revenge. The final line brings the story full circle in a sense because while she seethes over Vernon's selfishness, she demonstrates incredible selfishness herself.

 

More awesome work! Thanks for sharing!

Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 27 Jan 2020 11:45 AM · For: All Was True

Hi, I’m here for the CMDC, round #1

You really brought a second dimension to one of JKR’s “flat” characters, something I’m sure many of us have never considered. How does a woman feel being forced to raise an additional child especially when she’s barely holding one raising just one? 

I like how you started with Vernon’s snoring, how it eats into her well being because we all know that a poor night’s sleep makes one very unable to charge ahead the next day. Then the reader realizes how deep this resentment goes, even if she never seriously considers following through, just the fact that she has such a detailed plan of how to murder him gives you an inkling of how she is feeling.

You have definitely created sympathy for Petunia but I feel like you take it to the next level when she reflects not on her actions not as they are now, but how she knows she is going to act in the future. How she knows she will treat this boy the same as she treated Lily once magic became known. Part of me wants to give her a sympathetic hug but the other part of me wants to shake her for her unwillingness to attempt to change her outlook. It also saddens me so much that she feels like there is no help, there is no way to stop this future from unfolding and ten years later we see the result and all those who suffer, Petunia most of all. Well done characterizing, Petunia and making a “mean” character look human. 

 

Name: grumpy cat (Signed) · Date: 10 Dec 2019 07:20 PM · For: All Was True

hey 800! i come with a smol review/gift for you ^_^

 

by the end of reading this i felt really really torn. and i think it's kinda the point of the story. petunia is quite a tragic character, in a way, though i can't ever excuse her behaviour and i was honestly surprised at dudley in deathly hallows but i truly appreciated the fact that jkr tried to give him...some...redemption. and i always love reading fics about him and harry after everything, esp if he has a magical kid. but anyhow! back to petunia.

 

i was honestly so shocked when i frist read that line about murdering vernon. because we're so used to her as this person who basically does everything vernon says and agrees with him without protest, that to actually get into her head and see the way she is...it's just chilling. and you did a magnificent job in actually getting us into her mind. i know you've mentioned in your author's note that she's dealing with perinatal mental health issues, so, in a way, i could imagine her like that. but even if that weren't the case, i feel as if you've written her in a way that it's going to be hard for me to imagine her differently from now on.

 

what tore at me the most was the scene with harry, of course. her grief and anger, at losing her mother and sister, at vernon for not being her partner, at her being alone. it's just...everything culminates in all the wrong ways. she's somehow both tender and, at the same time, very cruel with/toward harry. and i think that's the part where we really see how absolutely shattered she is, mentally. it's like there are two people in there, fighting against each other but ultimately, the crueler one wins. because the kinder one has seemingly lost everything, is so so tired of everything, of life, of being alone...of being just petunia. so the crueler one is almost like a defense mechanism, in a way. which is incredibly sad. but still, her self-awareness is also very chilling, and after an entire story of us being weaved into her brokenness, even feeling sympathy, we're kinda brought back to, well, not reality, but to the fact that she's the person who abused harry for years.

 

and yet. despite everything, i can still feel for her, albeit in a very very small way. though i think even that shows how great of a writer you are, that you've managed to make me feel for her. an amazing story (in a sad way, but still amazing).

 

kris

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 09 Dec 2019 04:06 AM · For: All Was True

Hello, 800 Words.  I don't believe that I have read anything of yours yet, even though we are members of the same House.  What an oversight.

 

This story gives us a mixed view of Petunia; it is a challenge to know whether we are to feel sympathy for her or not.  One can appreciate the unrelieved burdens of sleep deprivation and Vernon's relentless snoring, but it's disturbing to learn that Petunia actively considers murdering her husband.

 

And in her dealings with Harry, the unwanted second baby thrust upon her without her consent, we see her torn between competeing emotions of caring lovingly for an innocent, trusting baby and using him as a pawn to strike back at her deceased sister out of hurt and jealousy.

 

Your use of the sentence "...Petunia knew that it was also true that she was going to continue to hurt Lily by hurting her son," shows that she accepts that she will not even make the pretense of attempting to do right. She is consumed by the compulsion to gain revenge on a dead person without seeing the absurdity of that idea.  But I suppose that a person who could actively contemplate murdering her husband could also actively contemplate abusing a helpless child. Disturbing.

 

In this brief glimpse inside Petunia's skull, we see resentment, anger, grief, jealosy, isolation, loneliness, hurt, and inability to grasp the concept that life itself is a gift.  For her, life is a burden and a string of disappointments.

 

At the time of your story, Harry has been iiving in Petunia's house for about three months.  I am left wondering what her mental state was before he arrived, when she had only Vernon and Dudley, without the presence of Harry to be a constant reminder of the rivalry between her and Liy.  Was she happier then?  Or had her mental state begun to fray a long time ago?

 

Your sentences are fluid and well-constructed, but the mood is so dark that the story is hard to read. Can you say what compelled you to write this?  Thank you for sharing it with us.

 

Vicki

Name: RonsGirlFriday (Signed) · Date: 07 Dec 2019 03:58 AM · For: All Was True

Hi! You have so many wonderful looking things on your page that I eventually intend to get around to, but I saw you had just posted this one recently and was intrigued.

 

This is so well done. What you say in your author's note is absolutely correct, that nothing excuses the Dursleys' abuse of Harry, but at the same time I do think Petunia is such a tragic, wretched character, and you've done an excellent job of showing that here. What really clinches it is the reinforcement of how alone she is. Especially these lines:

 

Alone. God, she was so alone.

This place that had her mother’s rocking chair, but no mother; her husband, but no partner; her sister’s son, but no sister.

 

It's not directly addressed in canon, to my memory, how involved Vernon is as a husband and father, but I think your take on it is probably pretty accurate. I can 100% see Vernon leaving the child care all up to Petunia, who no longer has any support system. And again, while nothing excuses the neglect and abuse of Harry, the sudden addition of another child to her home must have had some intense psychological consequences for her.

 

I think the most heartbreaking part of all of this is how, even as Petunia cares for Harry's needs in this particular moment, she is already acknowledging to herself that she will never treat him as he should be treated.

 

I think this fic is a wonderful tribute - or blessing - to a character who is deeply flawed but also very complex and possibly a victim in her own right.

 

Melanie

Author's Response:

Hello, Melanie! Thanks for dropping by. Haha, thank you! There's obviously no rush to get to the stories on my AP - they'll be here, waiting.

 

Thank you. I'm very pleased that you liked it. It's a very different sort of piece for me. I don't usually write angst and very dark stuff. Petunia was so interesting to write, here. This moment with her just seemed perfect for writing a story about the burdens placed on women, imbalance in childcaring thanks to strict gender norms, and the struggles of going through perinatal mental health problems. Petunia really lacks a robust social support network, and that exacerbates what is already a very difficult time for her.

 

Petunia and Vernon's marriage does seem to fall into these gender roles, doesn't it? They're so big on appearances, and so much of that is achieved by performing these roles. Yeah, nothing does excuse their abuse, but it can't be easy to have to look after another child when you're barely coping with one. That's what I was hinting at - Petunia definitely wasn't coping all that well since Dudley's birth - probably from sometime during her pregnancy, really. Just all the women in her family on whom she could potentially call for help started to die! 

 

I really wanted Petunia to be quite self-aware in this story of the harm she was causing - and would continue to cause - Harry. It was my way of not excusing her abuse. Identifying that you have a problem is half the battle, but there is the other half of the battle that is yet to be fought. In Petunia's case, she's not interested in doing that.

 

Thanks so much for this wonderful review, again, Melanie!

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 06 Dec 2019 10:35 PM · For: All Was True

 

Hey 800!

 

I'm here for some holiday gifting!

 

I thought this piece was so powerful. I think the night time is the perfect setting when your mind wanders and you tend to consider things in a way that you haven't before. I love that it's just petunia and her stream of consciousness that there is no dialogue or anything. just what she is thinking. I think you've done amazingly well at getting into her head - getting to those thoughts that you wouldn't really admit to other people.

 

she talks well fantasise about murdering her husband. it is just thoughts that they are so real, calculating that it's a bit scary that she is in that state of mind. I can't really imagine how hard it is to be looking after someone else's child. I think that is still quite an unexplored area of Petunia's life because there were so many times that harry needed her. in the books, we only really see when he is older and he can be bossed around to do things for them. Petunia looked after him when he was tiny and couldn't do anything for himself. That's pretty hard thing that she had done all these years. It has really affected her mental state.

 

I feel so sorry for Petunia in way because she has been holding all these feelings in and no-one undestands her. I don't think she knows how to deal with emotions at all because she really never go over being knocked back by Dumbledore and her rift with Lily. You've done a wonderful job at really exploring those difficulties in her psychological state. I think you really show you're such a versatile writer!

 

Thanks for sharing those podcasts recs. they sound really interesting! i might check them out. 

 

Abbi xx

 

Author's Response:

Hey, Abbi! Thank you for dropping by.

 

I really enjoyed writing this. Usually, I'm a huge dialogue person, but it was nice writing a more "quiet" piece. You're right, nighttime really is for all those thoughts that you don't have during the day, or the ones you shouldn't have at all. I really enjoyed writing about Petunia imagining Vernon's murder. They're usually such a solid unit, but I wanted to explore this underlying tension between them, thanks to the roles that they play. Plus, Vernon kind've deserves it, doesn't he? :P I wrote Petunia's feelings about looking after someone else's child more from a place of her barely coping with one baby in her life. Two is way worse. Plus the problem's even worse because it's not just any baby - it's her sister's baby, with whom she has an intense and unresolved love/hate relationship. But all of that doesn't really excuse her abuse at all.

 

I feel sorry for Petunia, too. This story was great for me because I got to sympathise with a character whom I find otherwise really unlikable.

 

Thanks so much for this wonderful review. And the podcasts are just fantastic! Would recommend to any Harry Potter fan, old or new.

 

xx 800