Name: Pixileanin (Signed) · Date: 26 Jan 2020 02:36 PM · For: Chapter 1

“Easy stopped being an option in 1972.”  

These lines just pop right off the page, I tell you.  Hi there! I’m stopping in to review this piece, and I think it’s fantastic! I can tell right away that Remus is only making excuses because he thinks it’s the right thing to do, but in his heart, he really wants to run away with Sirius.  I can FEEL it through the stilted dialogue, the hesitation… deep down, Remus knows that Sirius can handle it. I wonder if he’s overthinking things because he fears that the rest of the world can’t… handle him… or something.

Ahh, see?  I KNEW it! I love the picture you paint here of Remus half-struggling with the idea of Sirius, of how he plans ahead with his belongings and remembers the old times and finally comes around to what he WANTS.  The poor guy needs to just take what he can get, and if that’s a grand adventure with Sirius, he needs to do this. Of course he does. I’m glad he decides to.

“...they were just a tired man and his dog…”

That’s heartbreaking and accurate and so vivid.  Such great words you have on this! I love how you describe that the goblins won’t play the games the Ministry would want them to like the authorities in the Muggle world.  For this, I love those goblins! Ahh… and the bit of humor with dogs not being able to ride on brooms… of course it’s an issue, but the image is so funny that it adds a bit of lightheartedness to an otherwise dark situation.  And Remus’ self-doubts are so strong. You write him so very well in this. Such a torn-up, spit-out, cast-out character this Remus is… just like we know him to be.

And oh no, the beach… this can’t go well.  And in the midst of the panic Remus takes a jab at the Hogwarts curriculum for not teaching geography.  I love this! And it’s so sweet that Sirius is still thinking about Harry in all of this. I didn’t expect Remus to still be getting letters from his family, but I guess owls can be annonymous, and across the border it would be indeed harder to track.  All these things you had to think of to make this work, and it’s working! Can I be happy for them for just a little while? I feel dread building up, but I don’t know if it’s simply from Remus’ paranoia, or because I’m feeling the plot move along…

And it does.  I love that you use the letter from Harry to pull Sirius back into the other story. It’s refreshing to see that Remus is the one who has finally bought into their escape and can’t picture himself without Sirius. I’ve read so many stories where it’s Sirius who begs, and this is a cool twist on the expected.  I really liked reading about how Remus was finally able to settle into this escapist life, and that makes it doubly sad that he has to leave it. I can feel the inevitable tragedy that he knows is going to happen. It’s all his self doubt and his insecurities, but we all know that they come true, so it’s not a stretch, it’s just so very tragic.

Well done!

 

Pix