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Kris, you jewel of a person, you can slytherin to my review requests any time!
So... reviewing smut is a weird thing to do and 33% of this chapter was smutty af but here we go!
It’s also very, very difficult to write good smut - not that I've actually done it myself, I'm just guessing from the sheer amount of not-so-good smut going around Ao3. Sometimes smut falls flat and it has no actual physical effect on the reader, others it’s just wank material and there’s no artistry to it at all.
I think you teeter between the two of them beautifully. It’s randy and intense enough for me to blush and giggle a little, but not porny enough that I lose sense of the characters and who they are and the story you’re telling.
Now, every woman wants this in bed, it’s literally the dream - to get shagged beyond rational thought with someone they have a connection with - but it seems like it’s also Freya’s nightmare.
The connection bit, not the shagged bit.
The feeling of immediate emptiness and hopelessness after a good shag is why cuddling is a good thing… but apparently she’s not a cuddling person, which makes sense for the character and the very thought that she might stick around sends her bolting to the door, though some of it seems to be because, ah yiss, feelings of insecurity and anxiety about Oliver’s proliferous sexual liaisons.
Though honestly, does it matter that it’s him? Wouldn’t she bolt with other people? Is she just not a cuddler or is she particularly afraid of this because it feels like it matters?
Hmm, hmm.
He seemed perfectly content in the pleasure of her society and is shocked even that she would leave - because I mean, it takes two to make a connection and how dare she cut her end?! “You’ll go back to flirting with fucking ancient creeps now?To fucking them?” feels like there’s an unspoken “instead of me” which I very much sympathise with.
Poor Oliver.
Who in their right mind would pick weird old perverts rather than the mindblowing sex and weird extra-sensorial thing that just happened between them?
I’m so glad the bouncer exists, by the way.
The first time I read this I was kind of terrified that he’d be a creep but he turned out to be an okay guy, though there’s a lot of description surrounding him, which makes me think there might be something important about the dude...? Either way it was just a nice piece of random humanity and a kind gesture from a stranger goes a long way in this shitty world we live in.
And then there’s drugs and a need for numbness or maybe to vanquish the mindfuck (ah, yes) that just occurred with something stronger… which she really can’t but she’s sure af trying to.
Can I just say the imagery of cut feet made me a little sick? That’s… horrible.
I like how the internal monolog becomes almost normal when she gets home. There’s fluffy carpets and soft beds and mostly comfort and warmth and I feel so relieved reading that her house isn’t actually a hovel or a hotel room of some sort but somewhere safe and nice where she can just throw her bag and wand and it’ll be fine.
"He is fucking burned into me."
Hell yeah, he is! I’m still anxiously waiting to see if this is a weird Veela soulmates thing or if it’s just… a normal, true, exciting and overpowering crush between regular and incredibly attractive people. Either way, I'm living for it and I still don't get why they're doomed but I dislike the concept immensely.
Love, Maria
krisssssss, i’ve been holding off on reading/reviewing this fic until i was properly here to judge for my challenge so hi hello i’ve been waiting to read this for months now :P
i love how you describe clubs/bars. i feel like they’re a frequent setting in a lot of your fics, and somehow the way you describe them all is just… so cool. they feel so enigmatic and mysterious, idk.
and i love freya from the very start. the way she describes everything, and the way she sees herself, is just so completely detached from everything. “You have to, or you don’t survive.” and “And I’m her prized possession. Model. Same thing, really.” are some of my favourite lines from this section, because it’s clear she’s kind of got this understanding of who she is in the world and she’s a bit jaded about it, but accepts it nonetheless.
and then there’s oliver, who’s just… i love him. he’s definitely an overconfident asshole, but i dig it. his characterization in this is really unique - he’s definitely morphed into the big-name-athlete stereotype, in that people worship the ground he walks on and he both knows it and fucking owns it. the quintessential fuckboy indeed. (sidenote i love the word fuckboy, i’m so glad i’m allowed to use it in my reviews now. :P)
hehe i love all the fire description here, it’s absolutely perfect for the song you used and also, uhh, i just really fucking love fire.
this first meeting between freya and oliver is brilliant - they’re both clearly used to getting what they want and they know all the right ways to play the game. and freya definitely manages to get the upper hand here, making out with yael in the middle of the club while she knows oliver’s watching. (sidenote idk if you’ve seen the show, but this really gives me strong vibes of a scene in euphoria where two of the characters are dancing with someone else but making intense af eye contact with each other the whole time because the entire goal is to make the other person jealous)
and then the ending of this chapter is just 10/10. i need to know where this goessssss.
thanks for entering my challenge!
-taylor
I don’t even know where to start and I’m usually not at a loss for words.
HOW DO YOU WRITE SO WELL?
Omg, I can’t - -
First of all, right from the first sentence, your writing sings. I don’t know how, or why, it just does. I usually like stories with shorter paragraphs because not every writer is talented enough to write a five sentence paragraph and not botch the rhythm of it.
You are.
There’s this cadence to the chapter, a crescendo. It starts slow and the intensity just keeps growing until the end of the chapter and, honestly, I couldn’t put it down. I was at the doctor’s office reading your smut scenes from the next chapter and grinning like a maniac - made for a weird morning, let me tell ya.
First person is difficult because you need to introduce your characters and give the reader pieces of information about them without it feeling forced. I read an award winning short story a while ago that started with “Hi, my name is Whatever and I’m fifteen years old” and I wanted to both kill myself, Whatever and her writer.
You? You did it brilliantly. You gave us the mood of the Serpent, with glimpses of Freya, her job, her past. You sneaked in that she went to Durmstrang and that she’s Norwegian and that she’s bisexual. You told us a lot of things without actually ever actually SAYING any of it. It was woven into the descriptions and the conversations and her internal monologue without her ever actually becoming introspective and self-aware, which is the pitfall for first person writers.
It was seamless.
I love what you did with the Serpent. It’s magical and everything I’d ever wanted a seedy magical club to be. I also loved the fact that you said it was the only place both in the Muggle and Wizarding world that was journalist free - I don’t know why, it just thrills me. The dodgy potions, the magical refills. It’s the epitome of debauchery and seediness under a mask of elegance and power.
Can we talk about how incredibly sexy Oliver Wood is? Honestly I never thought I’d use “Oliver Wood” and “sexy” in the same sentence so this is new for me, but I just did and I have no regrets. He grew up to be a hot piece of ass, but he's also different? Was it the fame, I wonder?
I’m not exactly sure how much one can write in reviews of smutty fanfics without sounding awfully crude and tmi, but the teasing drove me mad?
Seriously, I'm randy for a fictional character, how dare you write them so sexy!
Now, let’s talk things that I still haven’t understood and that are puzzling me: what is up with their weird connection? Is it a Veela thing? Why does she have it for him? Do I sense a soulmates trope? Or are they just equally hot and hotness attracts? Why is she working for Daphne? Is it by choice or does Daphne have something on her?
WHY ARE THEY DOOMED FROM THE START, OMG
“And even though he’s all fire, all action and boldness, still, it’s as if time stops while he slowly leans down, dragging out the tension deliberately, pushing us towards a storm, both our hearts beating like thunder, until it becomes almost unbearable, and finally, our lips touch and I’m consumed by the feel of him, his lips rough and pressing and I feel as if there’s an explosion happening in my brain.”
What sorcery is this?! You can just feel the tension growing!
Okay, so I ship it. It’s very morally ambiguous and it’s beautifully written and I’m very, very invested in Freya. She’s magnetic, both in fiction and as a character. I know very little about her as of now, but I also know enough that I want to know more...? Even her internal monologue is a tease, I want to know more but she’s just giving me enoughhhhh to keep me on my toes and begging for more.
I can tell that she’s self-destructive, but she also mentions survival so maybe she doesn’t know how else to deal with it and she’s doing the very best she can - I can respect that, it’s literally all any of us can do. She makes the best of her situation and she plays the game. Her Social Intelligence is through the roof, she flaunts, she flatters, she’s completely aware of how people see her… and she uses it to her advantage. I'm guessing she had to learn through painful trial and error how to navigate socially and that it is probably easier for her in some ways, what with being the epitome of sexy, but it's also harder, what with being the epitome of sexy. Double edged sword just... having that kind of power over men but being completely powerless at the same time.
“ofc, now i have a problem that i'm a lil bit too attached to these two (oliver and freya)”
I second this. I know good writing is all about torturing our characters and putting them through hell and telling the stories about them that need to be told but holy shit
Hi Kris! I’m here for CMDC Round 2 :D
NOOOOO!!!!
Oliver you CAN’T marry that other lady—Freya is RIGHT THERE—she just needs some patience and understanding….maybe???
You warned me, but this chapter breaks my heart from beginning to end (in a good way). Freya’s been avoiding Oliver for two months, and it seems like she’s going about life as usual—except that it’s not really working for her. She has companions, but they aren’t filling up the emptiness inside her. She still can’t get Oliver out of her mind—and I doubt he can get her out of his mind. In fact, I would guess that he only hooked up with this other lady in an attempt to forget about Freya—but I bet that attempt has failed, and is going to fail spectacularly.
I was biting my nails waiting for Oliver and Freya to run into each other at this charity event—but I was SO not expecting him to have gotten engaged in the two months since they last saw each other. But the way they are looking at each other at the end of this chapter makes me think that they will be hooking up sometime in the very near future—and that will probably go very badly what with the fiancee and all…but darn it, I think that Oliver and Freya really belong together…
I can’t wait for the next chapter! Great work on this story :D
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Kris! I’m here for CMDC Round 2 :D
FREYA PLEASE STAY WITH OLIVER—HE’S STUPID FOR YOU!!
Ahem.
Sorry about the shouting—I know that they’re star crossed and that they don’t end up together—but when Oliver is opening up to Freya in the hotel room and begging her to stay and she leaves, even though she’s holding back tears while she does it—I just—all the feels.
Even at the beginning of the chapter, when Freya is giving herself a hard time about going back to the club in the hopes of seeing Oliver again—the thing is, Oliver DOES show up—he wants her as much as she wants him. And at the end of the chapter, when he admits that he’s never felt this way before—he’s being vulnerable to her, at least a little, and I wish that she were ready to take that risk with him. When she is standing out on the balcony, she thinks that she is going to leave because she doesn’t want to take the risk of him leaving her. I do wonder if this preemptive leaving is going to make her feel any better though—it’s going to hurt either way.
The magical drug sequence/sex in the bathroom was so well written—the whole thing felt like it was spiraling out of control until the moment when the mirror shattered picturesquely—a perfect metaphor for where this relationship seems to be headed.
Great chapter! Thank you for writing!
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Kris! I’m here for CMDC Round 2 :D
Magical Berlin is fantastic! I love all your world building and the sensual way that you continue to describe every setting that Freya lands in. And the meshing of Art Nouveau and Modern Architecture has got to be the best clashing of worlds! And you manage to fit all these vivid descriptions into a pretty tight word count—without sacrificing any of their vividness.
Freya dumping the cat on Rhys made me laugh. They have a very interesting quasi-friendship and I’m not sure where it is headed.
The whole sequence with Freya going to work, and at work, got me wondering about how incredibly busy some witches and wizards must be. If you were able to travel instantaneously wherever you wanted to go, how many more appointments and meetings and gigs would you be tempted to pack into your schedule?
It does seem that Oliver Wood set this meeting up—what with him getting his agent to contact Daphne for the purpose of making this photoshoot happen. And I’m just wondering why. Does he go to that kind of trouble for every hot girl he desires? Or is he just doing it because Freya ran away from him? Or is he honestly that moved by what happened between them too?
And I also wonder, did he set up the whole thing—by which I mean, did he make the lingerie bit happen, or did he just ask to model clothing and Daphne (or Felix) decided it would be lingerie?
Given the hotness of the whole photoshoot, I’m unsurprised that Freya and Oliver wind up giving into their mad passion for each other right there in the darkened club. It’s like they are both holding onto a runaway freight train for dear life and, and that neither one of them has control over this force between them.
I find myself very curious to know what Freya positively wants in her life though. I feel like so far in the story she’s been reacting to everything going on around her—and she’s very deft at reacting and coming out on top. But I feel like Daphne treats her a little bit like a possession (and maybe Daphne does that to everyone to some extent). After the shoot, Freya’s first instinct is to head out of there and find someone on her own—but Daphne then comes in and takes over Freya’s plans—even though Freya is ostensibly off the clock at that time.
I adored your description of Daphne as being very generous as long as you do what she wants—so much character is revealed in that line. As an aside, I also tend to act similarly when I hire people to sing for me—I’m very generous as long as they do what I want—although I don’t make them wear lingerie XD
Great chapter!
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Kris! I’m here for CMDC Round 2 :D
Even with magic, the morning after can be a bear. Your descriptions and Freya’s thought processes were so vivid as she wakes, feels her soreness and her wounds and her hangover hit her like a ton of bricks that I really empathized with her (and maybe remembered a few of my own hangovers).
I love that she has a stray cat—and the cat feels like the perfect companion for her. He comes and goes when he wants to, he’s beautiful, but he keeps coming back.
The summoning spell must be the single most useful spell in the Harry Potter world—I love that you can use it to find out if you have something in your house. Unfortunately for Freya, she does not have a hangover potion. I do sympathize with her decision to go across the hall to her dubious neighbor rather than go out to a shop—although I also feel that her instincts may be right to avoid asking favors of Rhys whenever possible.
Rhys has got my radar up. I mean, you do tell us right off that he’s working for the Greengrass syndicate—but there’s something about him that has my hackles up. I think it’s the casual way that he leers at Freya and hits on her when she’s obviously not in the mood for that. She hits the nail on the head when she thinks that he—like most men—use her being Veela as an excuse to act like cavemen. But it shouldn’t be an excuse.
Actually, I sort of wonder if Oliver Wood didn’t actually treat her that way. I mean, I know they wound up in bed right after they met—but Freya wanted to be there as much as Oliver did. I’m not sure at this point if the Veela business had anything to do with their attraction. I really am shipping these two and I believe that they are suited to each other—maybe I’m being a sap or reading too much into this.
I really wish that Freya didn’t have to go to this lunch with her mom! You did a great job creating the restaurant they eat at, and at introducing Freya’s mum (bundle of laughs, isn’t she?). You do a great job of putting your own twists and touches on the HP world that seem so natural.
Now, I appreciate Freya’s mom’s work in trying to get people to see Veelas as something other than sex objects—that’s fine. But lady, it is NEVER OKAY to say to you CHILD that she is not your daughter!! And come on—assuming that Freya wants to have the job she has, what is wrong with that? She seems to be really good at her job—and that’s something to be proud of. I am waiting to see what Freya thinks of her job—if she likes it or if she just does it because she’s good at it—but regardless, it’s her choice.
I can see now why Freya and her mom go through periods of not speaking…
And what’s this?? A photo shoot with…Oliver Wood???
Great chapter!
Yours,
Noelle
KRISSSSS!
How could do this to us? a fiancee!? no, I demand that you take back the last line of this chapter! I'm really rather offended that he would do that to Freya yet obviously they aren't inclusive at all but I feel like Freya feels kinda betrayed too therefore I feel rather like I need to be in her corner against Oliver. He can't have that kinda passion with Octavia surely? I feel for her honestly. I don't know her but I'm going to assume for now that she is totally innocent party in this whole mess. I love the name of your characters by the way, I totally have a whole picture in my mind about what an Octavia is like.
I want to hug her so badly like I don't know if she would like that very much but she needs some real love and care from people which she isn't really getting from Yael or Rhys. Maybe I need to call her mother and tell her that Freya needs her (maybe not. I can't imagine a conversation like that going well!). I would like to see some more scenes with those two down the line though.
I really like your depiction of all sex and drugs. It's not something that I read a lot but I don't think the idea about drugs come up a lot in fic. I think I'm enjoying getting your take on this deliciously dark messed up wizarding world. Everything you write is just so vivid that the whole story just kinda sucks me into. I think your hook up scenes are always brilliant written even with Freya and Yael who don't really have the same chemistry as her and Oliver but it was still hot.
The cliffhanger for this chapter was insane and I'm already craving more of this story. I'm sure that Freya will be trying really hard to not let this effect her. It might even make her want him more in fact. I just know I need more of this story's electricity in my life.
Abbi xx
hey kris!
I think it's interesting to see the sun rising on a new day. I think this story looks a bit different in the daylight. I love that breakfast at tiffanys vibes with the adorable cat called cat. I always think about something romantic about that. Perhap she should running with Oliver in the rain.
I thought the interaction with rhys was interesting. It is nice to see more introduction to some more characters now. Rhys seems cool at the moment in a rouge-ish way. I loved how casual she is about living next to an arm dealer. I think it's good to see her interact with a few other people apart from Oliver. It makes her character a bit more layered.
I think her relationship with her mother makes a lot of sense. I do really love that interaction between them. Freya's mother obviously expects a lot from her. I think she obviously feels like pressure from her mother therefore a bit more if a failure. I think she doesn't really feel that loved by her family. I like that dialogue when they have a bit of feminist discussion in there.
Even a tiniest interaction with Oliver is just full of sizzling chemistry. I think the way that they just stare at each other is super intense. I think the idea of a photographer can really only prove to be completely electric.
Abbi xx
Kris this is a disaster. You need to write more. I need to know.
Damn right she's addicted to him. They both have those sort of personalities, and when you get two people who are both all high-intesnity-fire together then there's nothing to dilute either of them. I also get the impression that she maybe is starting to get a tiny, tiny glimpse of actual feelings for him, though maybe im reading into it too much. She showed up because she hoped he would be there, he showed up because he knew she'd be waiting. Like I love them together but I'm worried about her now. Having said that... the next line changes my mind again. He's sort of as desperate here as she is. Which is... promising in the actual relationship department?
They really do seem to see each other almost as they would a drug. Only in chapter two she was taking them to try to drown him out and now she's taking them with him, associating him with all of the effects it's giving her. It's the same feeling, the false happiness or warped perception of the world around them that they are now looking at each other with which is all kinds of dangerous. Even like literally dangerous. Who knew bathroom sex could be dangerous...
And she has this moment. I do wonder what she was about to say before he interrupted her...
Also can I just say that not only do you write club scenes very well but actually its beautiful. "We are lost in the infinity of delirium" it's poetic and just captures their mood so perfectly while still also sitting with this idea of the mess of a club and how you can get lost to the music.
I KNEW IT.
Eugh WHY? Our girl gets feelings and I just want her to be happy and he makes her happy and *cry* cute laugh reveals little flutter of feelings moment was adorable. I just feel like whats coming up is her hurting herself but god I hope not. Her comments about leaving before she gets left (love the t swift reference btw) are so heartbreaking because it makes total sense to avoid being hurt yet at the same time you're just hurting yourself by thinking that. Because right now it's BlatantlY obvious that he has feelings for her, and she's regecting him which is making him lash out in idiotic-veela-prejudice-doesn't-realise-the-weight-of-what-he's-saying ways.
Kris, i don't like it!!! I don't like that she's going to break her own heart at this rate just because she's scared to trust him not to break it for her.
You need to write more lol.
Soon.
Please.
D x
Yep... so I officially love this fic.
You have this perfect contrast between grit and glamor, the dark intoxicating clubs and their issues that only come clear in the daylight. The drugs and their effects, the everyday abuse of women woven in there and then at the same time this whole fic is about a woman (and other women in there) who as so in control of their bodies and their sexuality. I get the impression that Freya was introduced to the drugs and the dark world via work and that environment, but that as the job and the idea of becoming more of a possession took over, so did they. It can be surprisingly easy to just fall into these patterns. We don't really see her take anything... other than oliver... in this chapter but the mention of the blank girl in Rhys flat made me think.
Totally loving that Oliver basically set up an entire shoot just to get another chance. It's extreme and he's really just massively upped the stakes in the game they're playing.
Your descriptions of the hotel and of Berlin were perfect, you really do capture the luxury around her, especially in comparison to where we know she actually lives. I guess I shouldn't be surprised you can describe architecture in a particularly aesthetic way! Also LOVE that the Greengrass family basically own the wizarding berghain, reading those descriptions of the club just reminded me of it so much.
ANYWAY. Back to jumping randomly around the fic.
The photoshoot scene was so funny, mostly because you can picture these guys basically gawking at her and also because it's got to be the most transparent seduction attempt ever. Having said that, boy does it work. Their chemistry really is off the scale. Lowkey proud of her for being about to walk out of the studio but then lowkey even prouder for my girl going for hot club sex. Like this whole thing has the vibe of burns bright, burns hot, burns out and given what you've said about how they are in taobn I'm not looking forward to whats coming. I'm just getting that little bit too attached to them! Kris this was not the plan! I was not meant to get attached to characters you've said wont even end up together!!!!!
Onto the next chapter!
All my love
D x
Ahhhhh they're going to Berlin and they're going to model together and just be deliciously beautiful doing it and i totally forgot to review while reading because my brain just sort of ate that chapter without pausing.
Also hi. I love this. And you. This is like fic heaven for me.
Okay so the change in tone for this one was really cool, and the step into the daylight as it were and out of all the shadows was pretty cool. We get to see more of her life and have this peek into her rather ~tense~ relationship with her mum. I LOVE the fact you've brought Veela stereotypes into this, and the way that casually men use it as a way to harass her (and just eugh that whole thing is so realistic because of course they fucking would.) while her mum is obviously very against her doing something that she would see as demeaning, yet would actually let her in some way benefit from what I'm sure at times can be a curse and somethign she actually enjoys. I'd love to see more of her actually, there's definitely a lot more to unpack with their dynamic, especially with how Freya is SO different to her mother.
Okay so the cat is super cute. It reminds me a lot of Breakfast at Tiffaneys and considering the plot of that and some of the similarities I think it's such a nice wee touch. The wild cat that can't be tamed... She's certainly got a type. Also like any cat is a great addition.
I loved this chapter, it was a great look at the rest of her life and felt a little like coming up for air. Having said that i can't wait to get back to Oliver interactions!
Loved it, as if you couldn't tell!
D x
Damn girl. Just... damn.
Talk about an instant connection.
I love/hate to love it when relationships happen like this. When you see them in real life these sorts of instant connections are always SO intense, like you really can't put it into words how much of an odd whirlwind they can be... only you can and you've done it SO well.
The whole opening was just off the scale levels of chemistry. Not being able to focus on a door handle and shagging in the fall levels of chemistry which is both really funny and also really ironic, like of course a guy is too distracted trying to get the shiny thing to do the thing that will enable him to get the shiny thing faster. Even in the midst of the smut, which you write very well btw, you can feel Freya's need and confusion at her need for Oliver. She feels the lack of his touch, she feels his gaze, it's intense and instantly all consuming for her. The sort of thing that in my experience you can't really ignore but can also be really quite intimidating. No wonder she leaves, she panics. It's natural.
It's pretty clear even from the start that they've both got these volatile, addictive personalities. And the thing about addictive personalities is that it isn't just drugs or cigarettes or alcohol you can get addicted too, it's people. Already she's needing get him out of her system.
The drug sequence again was sad, but so powerful. The normality of having a Greengrass dealer just hanging around, that this is so on tap for her explains a lot. It opens the door to this dark underworld of modeling. She's taking these potions to literally drown out everything else she's feeling, as you say, she's falling deeper and deeper into it. It shows what sort of state her mental health is in, even if it's not said outright. I wonder what got her to this point, if anything.
I love how much you've shown us of her personality and, in many ways, her issues in this chapter. It's all so intense, and you just want to read more. Very well written!
All my love
D x
HI DEAR! It's been a while since I stopped by your AP so I'm back!
You really do have a knack for drawing a reader in. Right from the start the description has this way of promising everything while being mysterious and elusive, it fits the club so perfectly and the characters even better. You create this world, Freya's world, effortlessly in just a few sentences but it shows us enough and plunges us into the dark, busy, noisy space and it's SO well done.
You are disgustingly good at everything with aesthetics, you know that? Especially writing them.
Now, let's get onto Freya. I love the introduction. She seems almost too cool, she's reserved, maybe sees herself as a little bit removed (or better) from those around her. The way she finds the Hogwarts rivalries and the Greengrass family's display of it and their power amusing sets her apart with an easy stroke. When Daphne (btw lover her characterisation and the whole fashion line) comes over we see Freya's smart, confident, happy to do questionable things for the good of the company, and more importantly herself. She's also happy with someone basically seeing her as a possession, all because she gets something out of it. There's this edge to her (and girl you know how I feel about characters with rough edges) and it's so well written to come through so quickly. That is until some handsome Scot looks her way...
Okay so now there's Oliver and yep, I totally get it. Fame and time have literally worked him into the perfect trap of i-know-i-shouldn't-but-im-going-to-anywayness that would basically be impossible to resist. It's a new take on him from what I've read before but wow does it work. And clearly it works on Freya too. She barely even attempts to resist. They have this back and forth and, despite great snarky thoughts about socks, she just started admits that she wants him despite it not going to end well. And like their chemistry is off the scale already.
The potion scene was really well done, and sort of sad at the same time i guess. The familiar sort of happiness, the mood enhancing candles, the not so needed confidence boost she instantly gets from the viall. The world you've created even in the first chapter is just so deliciously dark and dangerous and just like... hot.
I knew from everything you've said that this was going to be good but like seriously... wow. I can't wait for the next chapter. Amazing as ever!
D x
hey kris,
I'm back again. So I've found this story as rather addictive already and I was really unable to stop at just one chapter of this. I said that I really found this story to be compelling and grippy and after this chapter I feel this x100
I really love that this is a different type of love story. I don't often see something when the characters have an instant attraction and therefore an instant hook up. I love how passionate it was that it breaks that whole 'getting to know each other' routine into pieces. They wpnt have this perfect love story but its sexy, chaotic and messy. I think people especially in fic write that type of love. I'm thrilled by your take on their relationship. The hook up scene was so intense. I thought your writing and detail was so vivid which made for some great reading.
I think what happens afterwards really gets interesting. I really enjoyed seeing more layered in their characters coming out. I think my point from last chapter that there is more to Freya's backstroy comes into play. She seems vulnerable in the aftermath. I think you're teasing more about her inner character. She is hurt by Oliver's comment but maybe that's what she expected of her and she doesn't like it. I think she is going to be unravel slowly during the course of the story. I'm really interested to see that happening. I just love how you're writing this character. It's really exciting.
I would be great to see Oliver's POV in the aftermath because you shown hints of the expectation and stress upon his shoulders too. It seems like you've thought about both of their thought processes in a lot of detail. You've really getting into their mind. Again, this story really suits the first person narrative style that you've used. I'm obsessed with how chaotic and gritty these characters are. Great job!
Abbi xx
Hey Kris!
I thought I would give this story a go because I really liked the idea of the pairing. I think you always do so well with your description - the way you've set the scene within the first paragraph is flawless. I like that you as a reader really feel the attention and put of the room. I think its interesting how you've chosen to put a dark commentary on the fashion industry. There are hints that things aren't all what they seem on the surface like how freya almost let's daphne dress her up as a barbie. People use each other, I think freya comes across as older than she is purely because I get the hint that there is more to her. She has seen a lot and wiser. Btw, I love the idea of wizarding fashion that dresses can be charmed to do different things like that shimmer effect is a cool concept. I hope you have a bit of fun playing with some fashion concepts within the story.
It's been a while since I've read a story from 1st person so it makes the story feel really refreshing. I feel a lot closer to freya. I think her thought process comes across as very natural like it flows easily and her mind wanders effortlessly like your own thought process would. You feel like a really natural writer because of that. I think you've also been really clever at revealing a small amount about her but getting the audience wanting to know more about her.
I'm really interested by your Oliver Wood. I wouldn't have thought to characterise him in this way but I'm so here for this. I think we've always got a vibe that he was a strong personality from canon. I like the idea of him having a bit more life experience and this attitude. I thought you've played that tension between Oliver and Freya beautifully. Its sexy, gripping and compelling to see the level of intensity that they have. I think getting into those mind games and developing their 'connection' is going to be a lot of fun to both write and read. This has been a successful first chapter as it's really gripping and I'm hooked!
Abbi xx
Hey Kris!
LOL, I love how the cat is cool with being handed off to Rhys and is just like, "Yes, human, you will take care of me now."
Oh, that hotel room sounds gorgeous! That was some great description. As is the description of Hexenheim and its architecture and culture.
I also like how much this one line says about Daphne, who up until now we don't know too much about: She’s generous, as long as you do as she says.
Daphne also seems a little predatory in her own way, especially in this position of power she has over Freya, being her employer. When she's ogling Freya after the photo shoot, I couldn't help but think, if Daphne were a man, we would definitely label him a creep and unprofessional.
I think it's becoming apparent that Oliver can't shake Freya the same way she can't shake him. He could have just used her once if that's what he wanted but he seems to be just as drawn to her. I don't smoke but I think I need a drink after that last scene, brb!
I plan to check out Art of Being Nonchalant to continue our multichap swap, but also looking forward to updates to this one!
Melanie
Hi Kris!
Haha, I love the little stray cat that has someone adopted her. That seems to be how it is with cats. They just decide you're their human.
Apparently, I have a weakness for handsome prats.
--I love that. :D
Occasionally, he throws me a judging look, as if he knows what I’ve been up to
--They are SO judgmental.
If you don’t count the fact that his flat is a secret stash of illegal weapons, he’s perfectly nice.
--This is just such a fun way to introduce this character.
Ooh, and I love the idea of protective wards that scan your visitors so you know who it is and whether it's dangerous. Like a Ring doorbell/home security camera for wizards!
I also really appreciate that the Veela thing serves here as a commentary on that thing men like to do where they say it's not their fault they act in a certain way, it's the way a woman looks or acts that makes them do it.
It's kind of interesting that for how widely useful healing spells would be, we never read about Hogwarts students learning them!
Freya's mother is a great addition to this story and considering her mother is this high-powered, respected attorney actually serves to make Freya a richer character because we now know the type of family background she comes from. I can understand her mother's frustration with Freya's career, but Freya also makes a good point, which is that she chooses to do this and that choice is what's important.
Looking forward to reading on after that letter from Daphne!
Melanie
Hi Kris!
Ooh, there's a lot to unpack here, and I am suddenly realizing I do not have as much of a grasp of Freya's character as I thought I did after the first chapter. Her 180 here in terms of how she's feeling about Oliver and her insecurity over being used is an unexpected turn after how self-possessed and and eager she was in the first chapter.
But rewinding a little bit to how the chapter started out, I thought that sex scene was very fantastically written, especially being in first person. Very sexy, energetic, and urgent. I like the acknowledgment of how it's almost a competition over who can make the other feel good, because whoever does that better is a winner and has the upper hand.
So I was very interested in how Freya suddenly started feeling that this was a bad situation, and I'm wondering if that's because she didn't expect to actually feel anything for him aside from the physical? I like how Oliver is this magnetic person, and I think a lot of that comes from how forward and confident he is, but also sometimes you just meet people who seem to be naturally compelling.
Even more interesting is how Oliver seems to be hurt or offended by Freya's reaction. Did he want her because he thought she didn't know who he was, like maybe he wanted to be with someone who wasn't a Quidditch groupie?
In particular I really like the repetition of this idea that Oliver is burned into her, something that has actually altered her in some way and that she can't forget.
Melanie
Hi Kris! I'm here for our multichapter swap! I'm intrigued by this fic and decided to start here, but as I see it's only 4 chapters and my fic is more, I plan to move onto your other WIP after I review this one. :)
Right away this chapter starts with a great hook: What happens in The Serpent stays there, cloaked in darkness and shadows, half-truths and illicit touches never to be spoken of again.
--And with just that line, I can already envision The Serpent in my mind!
I'm fascinated to read a story from the POV of a part-Veela who is not Fleur, and also interested by the fact that you've given her dark hair - I wonder whether that is natural or whether she colored it?
I am already liking Freya's character. She seems Frank about who she is, she knows how she looks and what her assets are and how to use them, and I respect that. It's easy for people to look down on someone who uses her sex appeal to get things, but look, we live in this world that is still in many ways run by men, and we're using their own constructs to beat them at their own game and get what we need.
One of my favorite things about fanfic is the way different authors weave magic into the fabric of everyday life, and here I see that on display in the idea of recreational potions and mood-enhancing candles. And the drinks just appearing when you sit at a table? How I wish that would happen in real life.
I loved the cheekiness of the descriptions in the lines, "Changes girlfriends like socks," and, "I was never meant to be attracte to someone normal."
This is such a fun, interesting take on Oliver, who always seemed a little dorky to me (in a good way!) despite being a jock. And I'm enjoying this little verbal and mental game they're both playing here, both well aware that they're playing it. It's a sexy dynamic and wind-up to what's going to happen.
Great beginning, and makes me eager to read on and find out exactly what this is all about!
Melanie
Hi Kris! I’m back for more of this intriguing story :D
I’m already in stitches—that Oliver is so distracted that he can’t open a door and this does call into question his Quidditch skills—I guess you don’t play Quiddtich while you’re manhandling a Veela though XD
I think I begin to see the seeds of why this relationship ultimately won’t work out. Oliver and Freya have an amazing physical chemistry—a magnetism that pulls them together and enables them to fulfill each other on a level that it seems they’ve rarely experienced. But being close comes with vulnerability. If you are with someone long enough—they have the power to hurt you. And Freya seems to be realizing this even after this first night together. She seems almost frustrated with herself that she was so into everything that they did together—he really made her feel good—but he scared her too. He’s a playboy and she doesn’t want to be left holding the bag of emotions when he gets tired of her. If I had to guess I’d say that Freya is used to being in control of whatever love affair she’s in—and in this one night Oliver has shown her that she wouldn’t be in total control—because she wants him too much.
So she leaves. At first she wants to go all the way home, but the cold outside stops her. And the bouncer’s concern gives her the grounding she needs in order to go back into the club. I really wonder what it is that she seems to be running from.
You’ve done another amazing job with all your descriptions and all the action. I particularly like your use of potions as recreational drugs.
Great work!
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Kris! I’m here for the Rager :D
As one of the folks who enables your starting new WIPs, I’ve been meaning to come by this one :D
I’m seriously drooling over the first, scene-setting paragraph. The idea that anywhere on earth would be safe from journalists is amazing—but I imagine that Alexander Greengrass is not a guy to be crossed. And oh my goodness, the serpents slithering across the floor—icing on the cake.
The way you bring out the darker side of being a Veela—that having everyone stare at you all the time is, in fact, a burden, really struck me. You have to get used to it or die. I think most people wish at some point or other that they were beautiful enough to have a whole room stare at them—but its not everything it’s cracked up to be, is it?
Okay, now I’m wondering, why is it that Freya is Daphne’s model/possession? What does Daphne have on her? Or what does Freya owe to Daphne?
It’s always interesting to see what sort of person inspires attraction in someone who is desired by so many. You don’t disappoint with this mystery man she sees at the bar. I’m not surprised that Freya is bored by the small talk and the wheedling after she sees that guy.
You do an amazing job building the tension up between Oliver and Freya. The sensual descriptions, the verbal sparring, the teasing, the wing-woman, the lights in the club, the surreal feeling of the potion—really magical. These two seem really well suited to each other even in this first meeting. I can see why you fell for them and want things to work out between them, even though you’ve said in TAOBN that things don’t work out for them….but maybe they could???
Really smoking beginning here!
:D
Noelle
I really enjoyed the descriptions of Hexemheim and I think Berlin is a pretty optimal place to set the model-scenery infused with drugs, fun, and sex! But I can’t believe she entrusts Rhys with Cat! that blank-faced girl in his room was a little unsettling, I have to admit.
So clearly Wood wanted for them to work together in Berlin – sneaky :P clearly, none of them are over each other – I can’t help but wonder what he would do when/if Freya falls pregnant – will he just abandon her? Gosh, I hope not, but he seems a little like the type who would – hopefully there’s a lot more to him (I think there is)
Overall, I enjoy the incredibly dark mood of the story – the nightclubs, the drugs, the dark-lingerie photoshoots etc. everything ties together really neatly and its not something I feel I’ve read much about before – I just really love it :)
<33
Beth
Kris!
I really enjoyed the opening of this chapter – there’s a coziness to characters waking up, brewing themselves coffee etc. I just adore little moments like these, even paired with a major hangover. And Freya’s cat! called ‘cat’ lol! I love that it accents her weakness for handsome prats :)
Her mum seems strict - and punctuality is an extremely abstract concept, I might add :P It saddened me quite a lot that she thinks nothing more of Freya’s occupation – I mean, I suppose I can see her points, but then again, not really. It’s a bit sad that she thinks her own occupation is so much more worthwhile – poor Freya!
I’m excited to see more of the fashion industry – and how much does Freya make? Not that much, I can sort of gather from her room in Knockturn Alley.
Alright, so now we know that she and Oliver are both headed for Berlin! Hopefully, they can reconnect there, I mean, they’re bound to right?
<33
Beth
Hey there!
I'm back for one last holiday wishlist review! I'm a bit sad to see that there aren't any more chapters posted. I'll definitely be on the lookout for updates.
Oliver Wood is definitely good at his games. I had a feeling that the rejection was going to drive him nuts just as much as it's been driving her nuts. This was a clever way for him to get back in touch with her.
This entire chapter was so sexy. The description of the lingerie, the photoshoot, the club hookup. All of it was detailed and scintilating, but again in just the right dosage. You really do have a talent for smut.
Clearly, both Freya and Wood are pretty wild for each other. I mean they can't seem to keep their hands or body parts off of each other, even in public. I get the feeling that this is going to turn into a more regular thing. That no matter how hard she tries, Freya will be his next flavor of the month...although if they keep having insanely hot sex, there might not be any flavor after.
Excellent story so far! Let me know when you update as I'd love to read more. Wishing you a happy holiday season!
~Kaitlin
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